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February kind of feeling

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so in conclusion, we‘re fucked.

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I have the most urgent need to be insufferably over-educated. Like i need to read literally every book ever written.

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i absolutely seek no rivalry - especially not in sports.

except for this one girl. she talks shit about me because i’m a beginner? fine. i’ll seek to be better than her because even she’s not perfect.

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Yeah, I understand not having something to do when I'm not studying. These are some of the things I've been doing during such a phase: yoga, watching videos on CBT on YouTube, exploring east asian cinema (watched two in two days, looking forward to more exploration), crocheting, knitting (but got bored of both of them soon so gave up), cooking what I crave, reading (too little because I don't feel like it these days, but whenever I do, i pick up random books and have many books going on at the same time), going on weekly walks, not taking calls when I don't feel like it, but taking calls of people I love to talk to, texting people I love to talk to, introspection, scrolling for a bit, hiding my phone away and doing other things like looking at the moon, looking at the grey sky, blue sky, whatever sky, closing my eyes and listening to birds chirping as I fall asleep on the sofa in the afternoon, going to my neighbourhood shop just to buy treats on random days, listening to music while showering, while cooking, while doing the dishes, lighting a candle while showering, lighting another candle on grey days, teaching my mind to rest and relax and learning about the ways defeatist thoughts feed into my anxiety and depression, training myself to change my thoughts patterns through those videos i mentioned, meditating for 2 mins daily, staring at the room heater, zoning out, etc etc etc.

respectfully, i love you. thank you so much - for helping out and giving ideas and showing your days/routine. also, i just admire how you appreciate all the small things! i definitely will do some of these things in the far future (aka probably today). and damn, east asian cinema sounds interesting! you probably gave me my future hyper fixation haha

i hope i can be as appreciative as you are, its inspiring really, thank you so much for sending me this. 🧡

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I COULD ACTUALLY WORK ON MY IDEA FOR MY BOOK. WHY DID I NOT THINK ABOUT IT?

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i feel so empty without having something to study for. genuine question: what are you all doing in your freetime?

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i still can’t get over the fact that some people found my site.

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YES, THANK YOU!

guys, did you know that in germany, there is a woman who speaks for a political party? this party is extremely against queer rights (a lot against equality ngl) and really, really racist. they are against same sex marriage. they want to kick every „not german“ person out of germany. they are against any family that isn’t „woman, man, daughter and son“ and so much more.

but this woman speaks for them.

she has a girlfriend. she is in a wlw relationship. her girlfriend has darker skin. her girlfriend doesn’t even live in germany. they both have two sons.

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about not being sure what exactly to do?

idk if that’s a thing in your country but what about doing like „try out days“ uhh it’s more common in school to do that - but i know a few adults around me that did that too.

like trying out a job for one or more days -> to be sure if you wanna do it for life.

i sincerely love learning and school in general.

but

i have no school for the next 8 months.

please kill me, it would hurt less.

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Fuck "found family". It's "Fellowship of The Ring" from now on.

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The way the elves of Mirkwood are described in The Hobbit makes me giggle “They differed from the High Elves of the West, and were more dangerous and less wise.”

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it‘s a side quest because they are bored.

i find it so funny that in the books when they’re all travelling together, the hobbits are all following frodo to mordor, boromir is heading home to gondor, aragorn is torn between claiming his throne in gondor or helping the quest with the ring… and legolas and gimli are just here for the ride

like, they could’ve left forever ago, they could’ve gone northeast from lothlorien, but they’re still here tagging along with no particular decision of where they’re going, just whatever aragorn decides

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understandable. adult money is great and all but damn the responsibilities and duties. settle in a job for the rest of your life.

just get another degree!

i sincerely love learning and school in general.

but

i have no school for the next 8 months.

please kill me, it would hurt less.

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i thought about this so much too! and thank you for putting it into words.

Thinking about all the parents of the Fellowship during the events of the War of the Ring.

Thinking about Saradoc & Esmeralda Brandybuck and Paladin & Eglantine Took, none of whom have any idea where their sons are.

Thinking about the Gaffer, seeing a creepy hooded Man asking for the whereabouts of his son’s boss and then hearing that said son’s boss’ house has been raided and his son is nowhere to be found.

Thinking about Bilbo, knowing that his dear nephew is going into danger because of his own actions so long ago and might never return.

Thinking about Glóin, having to come home to his wife in Erebor and tell her their son is facing life-or-death danger for the first time.

Thinking about Elrond, the wise part of him knowing what must be done vs. the paternal part berating himself for sending his beloved foster son into such peril and wondering if he’ll ever be able to look his daughter in the eye again if her fiancé doesn’t come back.

Thinking about Thranduil, finding out that his only child has entered the war with the very same enemy that destroyed his father and 2/3 of his army.

Thinking about Denethor, trying to protect and defend his entire kingdom while constantly wondering why his favorite son still hasn’t come home.

Thinking about all those parents, having to spend month after month with absolutely no idea if they will ever see their sons again.

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Eru bless Legolas because if I was Boromir and Aragorn trying to bore through thick snow as tall as me on a mountain in a snowstorm. And this dude kept walking on top of the snow right next to me and joking about it and telling me, you can do it! Without doing anything to actually help. My teeth are rattling and that fucker doesn't even get goosebombs. Actually, I would murder him. Aragorn and Boromir are stronger men than I. Can you tell that I am cold? I am so fucking cold