its-cold-in-here - Tumblr blog

[its-cold-in-here]

Fuck it, sometimes recovery starts with putting sheets on your bed for the first time in 4 months. The blankets still need to be washed and the pillow cases don't match, but the sheets are on and its 8:30pm and I think, I think this might be what recovery feels like. Everything is still a mess, and it can't be fixed in a day, but there are sheets on my bed and it's not perfect but it's a start. I've started and that's more than I've done in the last 4 months so I think putting sheets on my bed even with my unwashed blankets and messy room is where my recovery starts, and my bed already feels a little more comfortable for the effort of putting on sheets.

[its-cold-in-here]

It's a pink smoothie kinda day, but I don't have the things to make one so instead I put strawberry soda and vanilla ice cream in a cup and called it good.

[its-cold-in-here]

I don't think she loves me anymore. At least, not as I love her. It feels like everything has changed between us even as it all stands still. Like a chasm has opened between us and we are too blind to see how it grows every day we refuse to acknowledge it. But how do you acknowledge what you don't realize is there?

How do you address the heartache everytime you realize you said I Love You to an empty call? How do you address that you feel that every conversation is drowning with more and more I'm sorry's and misunderstandings each and everytime either of you choose to speak?

How do you address the feeling that she is slowly stepping away from the chasm, blissfully unaware it exists while you are stuck on the other side?

[its-cold-in-here]

Comfy milk:

Fill favorite, microwavable mug with milk of choice. I also like to add a splash of half-and-half, but it's not needed. (I usually forget, but this is also best time to add a dash of cinnamon or preferred comfy spices but it can be added later)

Put milk mug into microwave and heat in 30 second intervals until desired temperature. Usually takes 4 times for me. (Total of 2 minutes) Make sure you stir between each interval to make sure milk doesn't be weird.

Add in two spoons of honey. I sometimes do 3 if I need something on the sweeter side. (If you're unsure, start with one and go from there)

Add splosh of vanilla, however much feels good. I add a solid sploosh cause I have the cheap, bad vanilla, but whatever feels good.

If you didn't add cinnamon or preferred spice before heating milk, add it now. Again, however much you think is good. I just do a boop of cinnamon. Sometimes pumpkin spice if I feel like it.

Ta-da! Comfy.

Feel free to adjust and change as you want. One of my friends makes the milk into chamomile milk tea and then does the rest like I do. So really, whatever brings you the most comfort!

Best to drink later in the day cause it does make me sleepy, so it might make you sleepy too.

If you don't have a microwave, stovetop works too! Just put milk into a pot, constantly storing until desired temp. Then add to mug and follow directions as normal! Or add it all into the pot and pour into mug after combined. However you like, it'll all be the same!

[its-cold-in-here]

It'll be okay.

Soon.

It'll all be okay.

Soon.

[its-cold-in-here]

Sometimes we crave socialization to unhealthy degree. No, I don't mean that in the way you're thinking. Sometimes, we crave socialization. Any social interactions. Even negative ones, because negative interactions are better than nothing.

Right?

No.

You deserve to have only positive social interactions. You deserve to get positive attention and to be told how lovely and good you are. To feel comfortable and happy with the people around you

Negative Interactions are never good. They feel good in the moment, but it won't last. You just feel worse. And worse. And worse.

You deserve good things. You deserve to feel loved and wanted when you talk to people. It's okay to want people, to want people to be talking to you.

You can want good things, it's okay.

[its-cold-in-here]

They say to forgive and forget.

They say to forgive, but never forget.

What if you can't do either?

What if you can never forget what happened, how it affected you, how much it hurt?

What if you can't forgive despite your efforts? Or what if you don't Want to forgive? What if they don't deserve forgiveness?

This is when I say you learn to Understand.

Understanding is different for everyone.

For some, it's understanding the why. Why did they hurt me? Why did they betray me? Why did they think this was okay?

For others, it's understanding that it happened. Understanding that it happened and you can't change it. There's nothing to do but understand that it happened, it happened and things changed and we move forward.

And for others still, it's understanding that you don't have to forgive or forget. It's understanding that you don't owe them forgiveness. Understanding that you don't have to forget.

Whatever you need to Understand, it's okay. What you Understand in one situation, might not be what you need in another. Some situations, you might Understand how to Forgive. Just understand, that it's okay, take your time. You'll Understand soon.

[its-cold-in-here]

Some days, everything just feels wrong. You want to cry and scream that it's Not Fair and it's Not Your Fault so why are you the one to be punished?

But you can't. For whatever reason. You can't.

On these days, I like to make a colorful smoothie. It doesn't stop anything from hurting. Doesn't stop people from being mean or stop everything from weighing down like Atlas and the World.

But maybe, it'll be a little easier to carry. Maybe, everything hurts, but hey! That bright pink smoothie looks really good and that's something.

Sometimes, all you need to do, is take a break with your silly looking smoothie and maybe, just maybe. The world will be a little easier to face when you get back up.