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𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙙?

heyy, first one-shot of mine! diving in immediately with a sad one, so prepare for the feels!

i'm not a native English speaker, so please help me with any incorrect spelling!

requests are welcome :)

word count: 2k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fem!reader, angst, main character death, crying, dead bodies, guilt, mentions of PDA and food

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: during the first wizarding war's battle at hogwarts, Sirius gets the worst news of his life.

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

Sprinting through the hallways with a heavy heart and a racing mind, Sirius Black caught a few glances. None were weird though, there were many people frantically running through the building at the time. The First Wizarding War had begun. Tom Riddle, now also called Voldemort or You-Know-Who, had picked Hogwarts as his starting battle. The students there had not been prepared to fight, and lots had passed. But they did not give up.

Betrayal was everywhere. In the air, in the blood on the floors, in people's eyes. Purebloods had joined their families, or turned them away. Muggleborns were most targeted. One of those muggleborns was Y/N Y/L/N. Sirius' first girlfriend.

They had met long before all this. The memories were surely faint, but they were there.

ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ʏᴇᴀʀ ᴀᴛ ʜᴏɢᴡᴀʀᴛꜱ:

"Why, hello there. Any chance you can spare a place here?"

I looked up from my book to see a boy with long dark hair standing in the doorway of the compartment on the Hogwarts Express. "Well, as you can see no one's sitting here, so sure." "Thank you." He sat in front of me and extended his hand. "Sirius Black. What's your name?" I sighed and put the book away to shake his hand. "Y/N Y/L/N." "Suits you. I've never heard of the Y/L/Ns though." "True. 'M a muggleborn. Hope it doesn't chance your opinion of me." He looked at me with a strange stare when the door opened again.

Three other boys stood there, one with glasses, one with a scar over his nose and one very short compared to the others. It was quiet for a moment while the boy with glasses looked around. "D'you mind? Everywhere else is completely full." Before I can answer, Sirius speaks up. "Sure, why not?"

That was the beginning of a long and exhausting journey through school.

"Gryffindor!"

As soon as the old and beaten up hat yelled out Sirius' house, his face went pale. He quickly stood up, put the hat back on the chair and almost ran to the Gryffindor table. From my place infront of the hall I turned around to look at him, and he met my gaze. "'S okay." I mouthed to him, and he gave me a weak smile.

On the train, while getting to know eachother and James, Remus and Peter, he accidentally slipped how he wished to be in Slytherin. When we asked why, he told us the story of his parents, and how they would never approve of him if his house wasn't Slytherin, and Gryffindor would practically be the worst of them all.

I was so lost in thought that I almost didn't hear my name being called. I shot up from my chair and marched over to the hat. It only took seconds to yell:

"Gryffindor!"

Happy to be put in the same house as Sirius, I quickly walked over to the table, the shouts and yells of happiness coming from it only in the background.

I plopped on my seat next to Sirius and watched as the other boys in our compartment were also sorted into Gryffindor. I instantly facepalmed as James tripped and almost fell down the steps. He sat next to me and bumped my shoulder. I shook my head at him jokingly. Sirius laughed and clapped him on the back. A moment to never forget.

"MR. POTTER AND MR. BLACK!"

Over the year, that yell had become quite familiar. I sighed and shrunk into my chair in the common room a little bit further. I knew about the prank Sirius and James had planned this time. They called it their 'end of the year blast', sort of like when you graduate, only they take literally every opportunity to celebrate with a prank.

I watched amused as McGonagall stomped into the common room, steam almost coming out of her ears. "You there! Y/L/N!" My eyes widened. "I didn't do anything!" "I'm not accusing you, I'm asking where they are!" "Sirius and James?" "YES! Where are they?!" "Sorry professor, haven't seen them." She narrowed her eyes at me. She wasn't usually very fond of the boy's pranks, but this time was really bad.

"So you did not know anything about those boys changing multiple of the tiles on the ground into spiders and horrifying multiple students?"

I accidentally snorted, recalling the incident.

"Y/L/N!" "Sorry miss, I was only there to watch, and I have no idea where the boys are. I can tell you one thing: they aren't here. Maybe try the kitchens?" She sighed. "Already checked it. And the lavatories, and the Great Hall, and any of the hallways." "How about the library?" And with that she was off.

I close my book. "Thanks Y/M/N (your marauders name), couldn't have done it without you!" Sirius whisper-yelled as he and James tumbled out of their dorm. I smiled and watched them run off, secretly knowing this would happen more and more often.

ᴛʜɪʀᴅ ʏᴇᴀʀ ᴀᴛ ʜᴏɢᴡᴀʀᴛꜱ:

"Y/M/N! Blimey, you've changed!"

I turned around on the station and saw Remus looking at me. "Hi Moony! How was your summer?" "Nice, warm, mostly spent at Prongs' house. How about you?" Before I can answer I'm cut off by James, Sirius and Peter falling into the conversation. "Y/M/N! What on Earth happened to you?" Sirius questions me. "Hello Pads, summer happened." I say calmly. "Anyways, as I was saying. I went to Italy with my family." "Nice! How was it there?" "Really hot, but I loved the culture so much! And don't even get me started on the food..." As I drifted away talking to Remus, I couldn't help but notice Sirius checking me out.

"Padfoot, you alright mate?" He snapped out of his daze and turns his head to Prongs. We were all looking at him. "Yes, yes, I'm alright. The train is gonna leave soon, let´s go!"

ꜰɪꜰᴛʜ ʏᴇᴀʀ ᴀᴛ ʜᴏɢᴡᴀʀᴛꜱ:

The prank war was so much worse this year. And the worst part is that me and Lily Evans became the pressure point for Slytherins to strike back from the pranks, but no one seemed to notice that. James has been crushing on Lily for around two years now, asking her out multiple times, helping her with everything and overall just trying to impress her. Lily has become a good friend of mine too.

One day, we were just walking through the halls, when thousands of tiny birds attacked us. Through the swarm I could clearly see Snape and his friends smirking. "That's what happens to mudbloods!" The birds picked us, tore our skin and made red and bloody patches here and there. Eventually, Lily managed to sent them away, going after the Slytherins. But the damage had already been done. Our hair was ruined, my lip was busted and we both had hundreds of little bites.

When we arrived back at the common room, the boys were sitting there doing several different things. The moment Lily turned to them James shot up and ran over. This made Sirius look up too, and his eyes widened. He came over and cupped my cheeks, directing my gaze to his eyes. "What happened? Who did this to you? Who was it?" His concern for me shocked me slightly, and I was almost too stunned to speak. "Just- just some Slytherins." "Snape?" I looked away. I could hear his teeth grind at my reaction. He looked to James, who was looking as furious as Sirius.

"Time for payback."

ᴇɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ꜱɪxᴛʜ ʏᴇᴀʀ ᴀᴛ ʜᴏɢᴡᴀʀᴛꜱ:

"Lily, why won't you go out with me?" "Because you're a stupid, ignorant prick." "And? So is Sirius, and Y/N still goes out with him!"

I smile at the mention of my relationship with Sirius. Today one year ago, Sirius had asked me out, and I had doubtfully accepted. But Sirius did everything for our relationship, and I realized that I fell in love with him years ago. "Yeah, I don't know how I manage him sometimes Prongs." "Not helping!" "You know you love me." Sirius walks in smirking. I smile back at him, and he incages me with his arms, kissing my face over and over. "Happy anniversary, love." "Happy anniversary, Siri."

"Y/N?" "Mmm?" "Do you know why James has stopped asking me out?" "What?" "He hasn't done anything for weeks, and I- I'm just concerned." I look up from my essay, smiling mischievously. "Why, do you miss it?" "N-no! No, I absolutely don't, I just-" "Secretly liked it? Love the attention?" I gasp. "Love James?" "Y/N, stop. I don't do any of those things." "You sure? You do seem very concerned about it for someone who doesn't care..." "No, I can't, I won't, I don't- what the hell is happening to me?!" She frustatedly yells and stands up, her hands in her hair. I close my books and pull her down.

"Lily look at me." She obeys. "Love is weird. It's true. If I go back to my younger self and ask: what do you feel for Sirius, the answer would be nothing, I despise him. But look at me now!" She slightly smiles. "Lily, James really isn't that bad if you get to know him. And that's me speaking, I have put up with him for 6 years!" She chuckles. "James is... extraordinary, and a little bit too much sometimes, but he can be so sweet, caring and kind. Think of all the times he has hexed people for calling you a mudblood, or held your books, saved food for you, helped you with getting something..." Her face slowly lights up with realization, and I decide to give her the final push. "You just have to give him a chance."

She shoots up out of her chair and I chuckle when she runs away. I gather our books and run after her, arriving to the hallway just in time to see her and James kissing. I smile when I feel two arms coming around my waist from behind. "Wow, darling, what did you say to them?" "Nothing much needed to be said." I turn my head to look at Sirius, and kiss him slowly.

Things couldn't be better.

For now.

ᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛ ᴅᴀʏ:

Sirius weakly smiles to himself as he relives the memories in his head, but the smile is quickly cut short as he arrives to the Great Hall: the temporary infirmary. He hasn't seen his love or any of the Marauders around for the entirety of the battle, and has been worried sick.

The worst case scenarios start flashing through his mind: Remus sprawled out on the ground, Lily clutching her bloody side, James screaming out in pain.

They have to live. For Sirius' sanity, they have to live through this chaos.

He stops still and closes his eyes, envisioning a future with Y/N: a house in a field, kids, laughter and the smell of food coming out of every corner. Snuggled up on the couch, laughing softly while looking at their son opening his Christmas presents.

It gives him the strength to go on.

His stomach twists as he walks through the paths cleared out betweeen bodies, some hexed, some covered in blood, some dead. But the feeling cannot compare to what he feels when he hears it.

The screams coming from the back.

Lily.

He starts running and a huddle of people around a body slowly comes into sight. He starts pushing through, recognizing everyone as his friends. He bumps into James, who looks at his own girlfriend sadly. "Prongs, what happened? What-" He cuts himself off as he looks at the injured body before him.

It's her.

It's that girl.

His girl.

Sirius drops to his knees at her side, slowly taking her cheek and her hand in his own hands. They are cold as stone. Her skin is pale, her eyes are closed, her clothes are stained with blood. The realization hits him hard as his finger lands on her pulse.

"No."

The words is soft, but everyone can hear it. James kneels next to Sirius, a hand on his back. Before them Lily is sitting next to the body, her best friend, her Cupid. The pain they are feeling is so immense, so mind-blowing and gut-turning that they don't know what to do with it.

Sirius starts sobbing.

His tears falling on her cheeks, his forehead pressed onto hers, his heartbroken expression and her serene one. She is gone. Dead. Elsewhere.

He is gonna have to live with this on his own.

Forever.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

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