jamminwithamyb

[jamminwithamyb]

Trying to fall into this going out again thing. Even put on make-up and actual clothes to go out to the beach (socially distanced of course) the other day. This year is all about adjusting, and growing. I had known it would be a growth year for me in January. I just didn't know how much adjusting would happen. How much we'd face, and have to grow. How uncomfortable it would get. How I would feel like a completely different person just 7 months later. A lot had changed in my personal life, but a lot is changing in the world too. I don't know that anything will look the same on the other side of this. But I'm ready to embrace that change. So I'm gunna put on my make-up, my clothes and walk into the change unafraid. . . . #embracechange #growth #blog #jamminwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/CCG-2MHDt8h/?igshid=188plitvdivzi

[jamminwithamyb]

My definition of success has always been a little different. It wasn't about how much money I'm making, or what titles I have under my belt. It was more about my happiness, the adventures I take, how hard I work, and the people I help along the way. While I don't think that's a bad way of measuring success, my definition has been changing a little again. I had planned a tour with my band and some friends. We put so much work into it. For some reason this tour made me feel the pride of success. When all this hit and we had to cancel, I had a little anxiety. I applied my own pressure to figure out how to be successful in this new world, and felt overwhelmed to chase this vague concept of "success". Over the last few weeks, my definition has changed and my anxiety has lifted. While I still believe I measure by happiness and the people I help, I've realized that my definition of success is when I'm walking and standing where God wants and needs me to be. So if that's touring across the country or playing online, or sitting at home messaging someone one on one, as long as I'm where he needs me, I'm good. . . . #success #perspective #musician #hisplan #jamminwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/CAalFFGjBEC/?igshid=1x2tv83kfji8f

[jamminwithamyb]

I have always dreamed that by 30 I would be starting to think about having a baby. I've always dreamed of being a mother. There's a lot of places I thought I'd be right now. I turn 30 in a few months, and that's not where the Lord has me right now. I guess that's the point, those were MY plans. One day maybe it will be the right time, but it's not right now. That being said, my baby fever has been REAL. Even though I'm content with where I am, my body was screaming "It's baby time!!" (Any of my females out there feel me?). Well, God saw me, and made me a puppy mom. Let me tell you, I needed this little girl in my life. Something to pour my love into and take care of. If you follow me and see any of my other pages and posts, you may be tired of hearing about her, but the fact that everything fell into place, and that she's mine is such a blessing. I wasn't even looking. My brother and sister-in-law were. The puppy they fell in love with just happened to have a sister that needed a home too. Originally it wasn't able to happen, but I watched as each thing fell into place so she could be laying on my shoulder right now. It was nothing short of "meant to be". So since this is the only page that hasn't had a formal introduction yet, this is my baby, Melody. I'm completely in love, and be prepared for all the puppy spam. Lol. . . . #puppymom #puppylove #love #jamminwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/CAIf7kvjbNE/?igshid=1mjzt4c5qi6p7

[jamminwithamyb]

A couple weeks ago my bands (@sirenvalley) EP "Scratched Up Heart" came out. Back when we were recording I said I would share about the songs and go more in depth on this page. There was one in particular I wanted to share with you because it's a message close to my heart. However, I've put it off, because everytime I typed it out, I'd chicken out. I've never made it public knowledge, and changing that is a little scary. I'm done being scared to share, though. So here we go: "Body In Your Bed" was written based off an abusive relationship I was in. I was young, very innocent, and very naive. He saw that and took advantage of it. He said all the right things in the beginning.We talked about marriage, and what our lives would look like. I thought he was the one. Soon things changed, though. He became abusive, emotionally and physically, even though I didn't fully understand this until later. He wanted things I wasn't ready for, and when I'd tell him to slow down he'd call me a tease. Eventually he started to leave bruises, mostly in places people couldn't see. I thought this was my fault. I must have accidentally lead him on, and it was just hard for him to stop, and so he'd leave his frustration on me. I didn't talk to anyone about it, though my friends and family would notice bruises poking out from under my clothes. I'd make up lies that I fell. Right before we broke up I had made the decision that I wasn't going to try to stop him anymore, that I would give him what he wanted cause it was better than being hurt and possibly being forced into it one day. At least this way it was my choice. Fortunately, the next time I saw him we broke up and I felt like I was saved. A lot of people may ask why I never broke up with him before that. It's hard to explain in words, but not all the times were bad, and I held on to that thinking that each "bad time" would be the last and soon it would be just like it was in the beginning. He was the first man I had ever loved. I didn't know what the other side of that looked like. It took me awhile to finally talk to someone about what happened. It took even longer for me to realize it wasn't my fault. It left me believing I wasn't the girl worthy of sweeping romantic relationships. I was broken and just good enough to be a temporary comfort. He kept coming around for years after we broke up to remind me of that. Finding ways to message me, tell me he missed me just to end with him calling me names because I wouldn't give him what he wanted. It was a battle, but I finally realized that I was worth more than the way he treated me. I am worth more than just a girl to lay in someone's bed. I wanted to share my story, because I know there are a lot of people out there that have gone or are going through similar situations. So I wrote this song, "Body In Your Bed". It was a cathartic release and a reminder of my worth, and I hope that it's a reminder of your worth too. We decided to start a campaign: #iamworthsomuchmore. We encourage you to share your stories if you feel comfortable. I want people to see that they aren't alone, that they don't deserve to be treated that way, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The more we speak up and share, maybe the more people will see their worth. We also created a T-shirt on our store (swipe to see). A portion of the proceeds from each shirt will be donated to the Fight Against Domestic Violence. I want to reach out and help lift others and let them know "you are worth so much more". ♥️

#behindthesong #overcome #worthy #sirenvalley #jamminwithamyb

[jamminwithamyb]

Well, it was a tough week. Sunday my parents took me on a drive around to see the poppies (socially distanced and away from people) to get some fresh air and at least renew my spirits during this battle. A few weeks ago they cancelled all my appointments at the infusion clinic for my bi-weekly treatment that I have been on for 2 years now. We immediately started the process of trying to get home infusions started, but the process took longer than anticipated. I ended up being a week behind on my treatment and my body was slowly starting to decline with each day past my scheduled treatment. I almost ended up in urgent care to get my treatment on Friday because I was in a really bad place (which when I end up in urgent care they always send me to the ER, and neither of those places would be good for me to be). Fortunately that day my infusions were approved. We had to wait the weekend, but I knew relief was coming. By yesterday morning I was so sick, but they came in the afternoon and hooked me up, and I'm happy to report that I am doing A LOT better. It's amazing how much my treatments can help my body, and how much of a necessity is. So today I give praise that I have that option, and praise that it was approved and my body is mending. Praise that I was carried through to my infusion and didn't end up in the ER. I also just want to say thank you to everyone who reached out and has been praying. You don't know how much the knowledge that you all were there with me in spirit helped lift me up to keep going. ♥️ . . . #potsawareness #praisereport #thankful #jammimwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/B_SoHooDB-8/?igshid=l0bntxxf66eh

[jamminwithamyb]

This last week has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Every emotion in the book I've felt it. All at once, sometimes. Lol. I'm gunna talk about the things that made me overwhelmed with happiness, though. I want to focus on the good today, and let the rest roll away. So here we go: Last Friday we had an online release for my bands EP, and it was so awesome to see people all over the world be able to join us. If it weren't for technology and being forced to learn how to get creative since we are all in our houses right now, I wouldn't have been able to share that moment with my family and friends all over the world. Saturday our EP dropped (available on all streaming services. Check the link @sirenvalley ;) ), and I am so proud of everyone that worked on it to make it what it is and thankful for everyone that is listening to it and enjoying it! Sunday I was able to wake up and enjoy the sunrise and still watch sunrise service online with my family. I'm also trying to remember to be thankful that i do have my family under this roof together during this time. Sometimes we can drive eachother nuts being stuck in here all the time together, but I'm so lucky that I get to have them here with me. Yesterday, I was able to help my mom make a video about butterflies for her class and help her build a website as she's teaching through distance learning now. I also get to sit in the same office as her (my room), and it's kinda nice to have someone to work beside. This morning I was able to join my prayer group online and pray for eachother and others. This afternoon I was able to sit in online bible study with my girls and just be lifted up and renewed. There has been so many moments this week that filled my heart with joy, and I'm so thankful for his kindness to me even in the suffering. . . . #joy #thislastweek #emotions #thankful #jamminwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/B_AVLwnDVN0/?igshid=1kf0jsas9t3c1

[jamminwithamyb]

Well, it's happened. I've lost track of days. I forgot it was Wednesday blog day. Each day has become a blur of masks, work from home, and snacks. I have nothing clever to say today. I'm just looking forward to this weekend! It'll break the groundhogs day feel, because Friday night will be out EP release Show and then that night our EP Scratched up heart come out! If you're looking for something to break up the long days at home, come hang with us Friday at facebook.com/sirenvalley. https://www.instagram.com/p/B-vlZ63gUnB/?igshid=136f368ss2fe5

[jamminwithamyb]

Are you feeling a little off balance trying to adjust to this new way of living? I'd be lying if I said I'm not. Finding that fine line between not being controlled by fear, but also realizing the seriousness of it all and being smart. Letting myself feel the sadness but not wallow in it. Doing what I can to help, but not over reaching and overextending myself. Trying to find balance of being productive at home, but also not overworking myself and allowing myself time to rest. It's a lot of things to juggle delicately, and that in itself can feel overwhelming. How do you find that balance? I'm sorry to say, I don't have the answer. What I can tell you is in the middle of the overwhelming I have an unexplainable peace. Not peace in my ability to handle it, or peace in the idea that I have any sense of control. I have felt out of control many times in my life, and still this one sits at the top. My peace is not in myself at all. My peace is in God. In knowing that even if I lose my balance. Even if I fall. Even if I fail. He still loves me and is here with me. I will be dusted off. I will be set back on my feet. I will stand again. I know that it's scary. I also know it's easy to type the words, then in an hour when I come across a new article on my Facebook to feel the pull to turn automatically to panic. To want to try desperately to take control, and then feel pure frustration when I can't. It's a never ending cycle. But I pray that you'll trust with me. That maybe if we just sit in the idea that we are incredibly loved, that we're not in this alone, we'll find peace together. Also, if you are feeling overwhelmed and need someone to chat with, cry with, laugh with. I am only a DM away. Let's help lift eachother up. We will be dusted off. We will be set back on our feet. We will stand again. . . . #wewillrise #peace #selfisolation #jammimwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/B-ca14LDG57/?igshid=femecihx4zj7

[jamminwithamyb]

It's quarantine spirit week, and today's theme is Christmas!! Yay!! So I pulled out one of my ugly Christmas sweaters to celebrate. Small things can bring us joy and connection in this time. Across the front of my sweater is the word #believe. It's a question I ask everyday lately. In uncertain times, when you feel confused, it's a question important to help find stability. What do I believe? What do I lean on in times like this? Here are a few things I believe: ♥️I believe that kindness and love will help us beat this, and that it will shine far brighter than any of the bad. ♥️ I believe that we are given small and large blessings to hold onto during times like this. Look for them. ♥️ I believe that this will end, and we will come back stronger than ever before. Any trial helps you learn, adapt, and grow. It's up to you how you will let this grow you. Will you grow to be a light in the darkness? ♥️ I believe that the enemy is on the attack, but he will not win. ♥️ I believe in prayer and that God is bigger than this. What do you believe? How are you holding strong during this time? As for me I will keep what parts of a routine I can. I will pray often. Spread joy often. I will pay attention to and enjoy small things like #socialdistancespiritweek. I will be thankful for what I have. I will help those who need it more than me. I will ask for wisdom and discernment. I will ask for courage. And I will love fearlessly. . . . . #socialdistancing #bekind #whatdoyoubelieve #jamminwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/B-Kg7xZjV3j/?igshid=w14qld47k9dg

[jamminwithamyb]

We needed a little joy, so we reached out to some of our fellow musician friends and decided to karaoke from our individual quarantines. We chose Don't Stop me now by @officialqueenmusic , because honestly, how can you not smile singing that song?

We encourage all of you to join in with us and post your own version and tag us in it along with #svquarantinekaraoke! Let's spread some digital joy and love!

Thank you to our friends that joined in with us!

@sarahveemusic

@theslicemusic

@thebassabides

@notkevinjonas

@kasey_jaeger

@tiffani.jenee

[jamminwithamyb]

There's a lot going on out there right now. It can get scary. I've had a little anxiety myself today. I was nervous about having to come in for my infusion. What that might look like. Is it safe? I almost cancelled, but my body needs it to function. I've also told myself to be smart, but to not be afraid. So I packed my bag and got dressed and came. It's eerily empty here, but the infusion and chemo centers have stayed open as they know people need it. I'm thankful for the workers that are selflessly here helping others. Honestly, any workers that are still out there helping others: store workers, healthcare workers, restaurants delivering food, truck drivers, I'm sure I'm missing some, but my appreciation stretches to all of you. Anyway, so I'm sitting here getting my infusion, it's not nearly as scary as it was built up in my head before I left the house. Even after seeing this, though, my head was still running. I was still anxious. So I decided to take the time while I was sitting there to breathe in his word. As I opened my morning study I found Psalm 107:14 "He brought them out of darkness, utter darkness, and broke away their chains." It's dark out there right now. I would call it utter darkness. At least the anxiety can make it feel that way sometimes. I believe He will break those chains, though. As I meditated on that, my anxiety melted. So I'm sharing how my anxiety chains are breaking, and maybe it'll help break yours too. On another happy note, my friend that also gets infusions walked in today. We happened to be scheduled at the same time. I cried at just the joy of seeing her face. Can't say why other than I just needed her today. ♥️ God is good, y'all. . . . #anxiety #holdtight #potsawareness #godisgood #allthetime #jammimwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/B94g3V4Fkww/?igshid=1l7o1ahlkuwdn

[jamminwithamyb]

I feel like I grew up always longing for that happily ever after moment. That moment always included a "not-so" prince (I always fell for the bad boys that turned good) getting down on one knee asking the princess (me of course) to marry him. I watched sweeping romance movies. I played games like dream phone and made up grand stories of how after he said "You're right, I really like you" and I won the game, we dated and fell madly in love. I started writing songs about falling in love in my school journals at 10 years old. I thought for sure, that after high school it was just around the corner for me. Let me just become an adult, and then I'll fall in love sometime in college, get married a couple years later, spend a few years traveling together, build my music career enough that I can live off of it, have it all all by my 30's, and then I could start having kids. I had a plan. I had a happily ever after goal set, and I was ready for it! Well guess what? God looked at my plan and said, "Let go of it, I have something better." I didnt want to believe it. I wanted to fight it. That was a great plan that I spent years of my childhood building! What do you mean by better? Well, here I am, 29, single. You know what? God was right. He did have better. I'm not saying that marriage or kids won't ever happen for me. Maybe one day they will. But that's not my "happily ever after". My happily ever after has already begun without a man. My happily ever after is sitting playing dream phone and drinking wine with my bff on the floor of her apartment. Happily ever after is writing music with my band. Happily ever after is touring with my life long friends. Happily ever after is sitting watching "This Is Us" with my mom on the couch with our dogs piled on top of us. Happily ever after is sipping coffee with my Bible study gals. Happily ever after is stepping out into my calling and trusting that what he has for me really is better than whatever I've worked up in my head.I need to remember to be thankful for my current happily ever after. While it's different from how I thought it would look, it's still just as magical. #happilyeverafter #newplans #blog #jamminwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/B9mNh3sDvh2/?igshid=89no8rm3dyvf

[jamminwithamyb]

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -Martin Luther King Jr. My parents bought me this jacket for Christmas. It's one of my favorite things I own. Yes, because it's cute, but also, because it is a reminder to me. Just like I put on this jacket in the morning to head out the door, I also need to put on an attitude of love. You can roll your eyes and call me a hippie, that's fine. I just want to remind you that in a world with so many people armed with hate, we need to wake up in the morning ready for battle by arming ourselves with love. I was talking in my bible study with my girls yesterday about how we can have righteous anger sometimes. You can be upset and hurt and angry with a good and just reason and it's ok to feel that. We talked about how to brst handle that kind of hurt in a productive way. How it can be so easy to want to fight fire with fire. It can be so easy to want to fight hate with hate. But what good does that bring? It just makes the fire bigger. It makes the hate stronger. It burns everything down. It's not always easy to take a step back and choose love instead. I know that, but I also know I'm not looking for what's easy. I'm looking for healing. I'm looking for change. So I'm going to ask God every morning that he gives me so much love that it overflows into everyone around me. That people will feel the joy of unconditional love, and that it will cause a chain reaction that spreads a light and conquers the darkness. . . . #lovewins #always #blog #spreadlove #jamminwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/B9CUwRYFGeu/?igshid=jqicpgo29s7n

[jamminwithamyb]

Hair back, game face on. I've spent many days sitting in this seat next to my girl @janellcramptonmusic working on our upcoming tour. It's become somewhat of a mini office for us. Sitting in the dining room with our notebooks, laptops, and a Starbucks in hand. It's funny, because we don't even have to say it anymore. She comes to pick me up and we both have our Starbucks reusable cups ready to go, because caffeine is most definitely needed as we trudge through E-mails and "office" work. We laugh, and commiserate, and sing a long to songs while we work. It's therapy and work wrapped in one. But by far, my favorite part of our work days is getting to sit next to my friend, and see a strong woman pursue her passion. That we get to cheer eachother on in our strengths and lift eachother up in our weaknesses. That we get to encourage eachother to be unapologetically bold. To be women unashamed of ourselves and what we want. That is something I'm going to carry with me everyday for the rest of my life. . . . #inspiration #women #work #musician #jamminwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/B8wZs09AYza/?igshid=15dkgrio90tbr

[jamminwithamyb]

Well, the EP is officially in the mixing process. Our tour is coming together and falling into place. Things are looking really good! I'm excited and full of hope and joy about it all. On the flip side, my health took a fall the last few days, and it's been a little rough. Instead of focusing on the things that were going right, I let myself fall into frustration. Instead of celebrating all the good things, I fell into whining about how terrible I felt. "Why can't anything just be easy???" *Mumble groan sigh* Then I answered myself: "Because, Amy, Life is messy". It's true. Life has ups and downs. Sometimes, it's both at the same time. It's o.k. to feel both at the same time. That being said, when I am feeling both, instead of leaning into the lows, I want to lean into the highs. So today I'm going to celebrate and thank God for everything he's doing. Let myself feel the joy of how things are coming together, even in....no.... especially in the mess. I'm going to celebrate how I have the opportunity to do what I love despite my illness. How I'm going to be touring with some of the people I love most (something I never thought I'd get to do). I'm even going to celebrate how because if my POTS I had to start working from home for myself and I'm given the opportunity to rest when I'm having a rough go. I don't have a boss to report to, I'm my boss! I can say, "Take a day off!", and I might just do that..... tomorrow. You know, I think God might know a thing or two about what he's doing. I'm going to lean into trust in that and celebrate what he's doing and what he will do! . . . #blog #celebrate #highsandlows #jammimwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/B8ebx1ylHqu/?igshid=eqecit7qbw51

[jamminwithamyb]

When I went to Disneyland I attempted space buns, which I haven't done in a while. I also wore a shirt that had Chewbacca on it and said "Messy Hair, Don't Care". When I did them, in all honesty I was proud of them. I thought they looked cute. But when I left the house I automatically changed my tune to thinking I didn't do that good of a job at them. I'm not very good at hair, it probably didn't look as cute as I thought. At least I'm wearing a shirt that said "Messy Hair, Don't Care". That wasn't true either, though. I did care. I tried so hard. It only took a few minutes to think something I was so proud of, was now not good enough. This might sound dumb, like "Girl, why are you doing a whole post about your disappointment in your space buns?" Because I feel like a lot of us probably do this same thing all the time. We diminish our gifts as soon as we let them into the world. We feel like if we put ourselves down first, then if everyone else does, it won't hurt so bad. But that's not true. We just end up hurting ourselves more by being one of those voices. I'm not by any means saying doing hair is my gift, but it was o.k. for me to be proud of them. For someone not good at hair I did a good job! I do this all the time, though, with my writing, my singing, my performances, my work in general, and I want to stop. It is o.k. to think you did a good job. It is o.k. to hold your head high. Also, you know what? I went out thinking people would think I looked terrible, and instead I got so many compliments from complete strangers. I put myself down, and didn't even give people the chance to respond kindly before I told myself it sucked. I don't want to be that way. So here's a picture of me and my space buns that I was and am super proud of. Maybe if I start with something as small as space buns it will work it's way into the bigger things. . . . #blog #inspiration #spacebuns #jammimwithamyb https://www.instagram.com/p/B8MM49WF7-O/?igshid=1ul3e5gg3pjx1

[jamminwithamyb]

I'm pulling on all of my superhero vibes this week! Spent Friday and Saturday at Disneyland and DCA with my bestie for a celebratory girls weekend. Then I drove home early Sunday morning to drive straight to the studio to finish the final touches on recording for the @sirenvalley EP. It was a weekend words can't describe! Come Monday, though, I was beat! This week so far has held some crazy highs emotionally, and some crazy lows health wise. My POTS is putting up quite the fight. My focus is off, my energy is low, my body aches all over, but my spirits, inspiration, and motivation are high. I have so much to catch up on after taking the weekend off, so I'm pulling all the strength I can muster to keep going! 🎶 I get knocked down, but I get up again 🎶 Honestly, God's been so good at giving me just enough to make it through what I need to, but also teaching me that it's ok to rest and making sure to give me that time too. Even superheroes need to rest and recover sometimes! Right? I'm so incredibly thankful for all the opportunities I have right now! Like recording, and tour, and the time to unwind and spend a magical weekend with my girl @lauratheexplorer_ ! I feel so full of love and excitement! Now just to get my body to catch up! Lol. P.s. you can clearly tell I throw fists all the time. 😂 . . . #musician #potsawareness #superhero #jammimwithamyb (at Disney California Adventure Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/B76bEsrFpYT/?igshid=1vhos5hccrbbg