janeriehatesyou-blog - Tumblr blog

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

If you enter this room where I sit;

Please ignore the sad sound of my heart beat;

Don’t look for something that made me this way;

Even I don’t know what is really happening with me;

I know where it begins but I’m not sure about it’s ending;

The darkness is crawling it’s way in;

Every damn second;

I don’t know how longer I can keep the memories and happiness that keeps me alive;

Cause honestly? It’s beginning to fade away;

Please save me from this abyss that I can’t escape;

Keep my head above water;

Because I’m slowly drowning from my own sadness and heartache;

Just please save me from my own self;

If you ever enter the room;

If you can bear all my grief;

If you ever find me....

Approach me with caution and slowly take me in your arms;

I am human at your touch.

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

Beyong the flower fields;

Lay a sunflower that is indeed happy and full of dreams

She knows being a rose is out of her league

Or that she’s not the rarest flower in this city

Like every others life comes an untold story;

In her strong and upright self hides her sorrows and worries

With her height she seldom felt so small

If someone knocks her down she can still manage to stand tall

Stretching up to the sky;

In her life there will always be challenged and goodbyes

Living in this world full of negativity she’ll build her own shield

Hoping someday she’ll be the rarest sunflower in her own flower fields.

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

Loving a taken man in one night

Alcohol.

It all began with alcohol, we were both aware that his heart is locked and i'm all open. We knew our limitations and what we are to each other. Just friends.

Stars.

The stars began to show up that night,

we were mesmerize about how wonderful they are.

They cover almost everything in the sky.

And It was like watching a galaxy in afar.

Music.

While watching the night sky. I was force to look at you because I was distracted by your smile and how the stars reflects in your eyes. It was so pleasing to watch along with the music that speaks romance.

Cold breeze.

The night is getting cold

and we are getting closer.

My heat becomes your addiction,

times passed and now you're holding my hand caressing it as I begin to fall asleep.

Whispers.

You're whisper is what makes me forget everything I know. I don't know if it's the alcohol that brings me this butterflies in my stomach or why you were saying those things but it brings me joy. It's nice hearing someone wishing that I was their girlfriend. It's nice having someone kissing your hand while you're cold and kissing your forehead to feel safe.

Morning.

I remember everything and you still do. You assured me that. But why do I see you laughing and smiling with someone else? Why do I see you getting frustrated since your girlfriend was ready to let you go?

Why do I feel this? Then I remember, Oh yeah I did loved you last night. We both loved each other last night. But I forgot that those were just our fantasy to run away into our reality. To run away from the consequences of love.

But isn't it unfair? Why do I feel like I love you until today and you just loved me yesterday?

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

What am I?

If i’m not pretty enough, or beautiful enough, or cute enough, or funny enough?

Then what am I?

A viewer to everyone’s love story?

A happy pill to someone else’s sadness?

A lift to help others get back up?

A bubble in the wind?

A smoke that’s disgusting?

A season that is ending?

What am I?

If all my beauty is cover up with tattoos and scars and grief;

And it’ll take a lot of time to discover what beauty lays underneath;

What am I?

If my cuteness is nowhere to be found since my face is covered in tears;

And you’ll need a lot of patience to wait for my recovery;

What am I?

If the jokes I tell everyday disappeared;

Wherein you can no longer see the smiles that you see everyday;

Are you willing enough to understand the pain and the secrets that I never revealed?

To you? What am I?

The pretty one?

The beautiful one?

The cute one?

The funny one?

Does it really matter?

To be one of these?

Then what about the sadness? The pain that we’ve been through? Our horrible past? The secrets that we can never reveal?

Why do I need to be one of those to stay by your side?

Is it not enough that I love you?

I loved all of you already;

Your sadness, your pain, your grief, your smile, your laugh, even how you sleep with your annoying snores, your attitude, your jokes that aren’t even funny, your smell, your eyes..... I love everything about you.

Why can’t you do the same?

Is it really just me that feels this way?

Am I just a friend in your eyes?

Tell me before it’s too late.

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

Smiles. They say that, 'Smile' is the only language that everyone understands. How come you never understand this one? How come you never saw the pain in my eyes? How come every time I smile, the only thing you saw was my happiness and not my pain. How come every time I laugh, the only thing you saw was my bliss and all my treasured memories. In case you misunderstood, I'm just like everybody. I've got something to hide. I smile, to hide my pain. I smile, to show you how strong I am on the outside. I smile, to put away all your doubt. I smile, to encourage you. I smile, to be away from my own darkness. I smile, to make myself believe that i'm okay. I wanted to be okay and at the same time I wanted to be away. This darkness that I felt inside of my body, Was eating what was left inside me. The pain is eating me alive, And It's like a deep blue ocean that wanted me to dive. A deep blue ocean composed by my own fears. Fears that accompanied by my tears. I will cry when I'm alone, But when I smile, you'll feel that this pain inside me was nothing and that happiness you saw will carve a warm feeling into your body and deeply into your bones. I just wish that when I stop smiling for myself, I hope someone will smile for me.

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

And here I thought, it was over. Turns out time have it's own way to bring back those things that once was mine. ✨

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

SPOTTED: J don't want any of her friends sleeping with her boyfriend. Little did she know, she already did slept with her best friend's boyfriend. What will be the outcome of this ridiculous situation? How can one hate the other when they both did the same mistake?

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

City lights, crazy people, broken soul. It's fascinating how happy moments turns into memory. A beautiful memory to be exact. Genuine laugh, ridiculous dance steps, music. How nice to have you all here by my side. It seems like negative vibes was in chains and cannot come in our time. Cigarettes, coffee, selfies A bond that only 'we' can understand. Our laugh is like a melody that I don't want to forget. Like my favorite song I played all the time. Cold air, cozy seats, feelings. Can you blame us for being carefee and happy? Our minds kept the most painful thoughts and our hearts is the only key to have an access on it. Tonight? I have an access. Wind, memories, heartache. All I can feel is my heart breaking. How can I be happy? Did I just fool myself? But how can I be unhappy if the moment was on fire. I would die to feel this happiness again. Breathing, praying, feeling. I close my eyes to feel the last pain I've been feeling. I close my eyes to forget for awhile. So that when I open it again, I'll be my old self. HAPPY.

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

After a long long time of waiting, you found your way back.

At first I couldn't believe it,but a part of me was so glad that you finally realize something. Last time, you told me that you're sorry. For you could not love me like I love you. You told me everything, the truth to be exact. But when the time comes and we we're being apart. I had this strange feeling that you'll find your way back to me someday. I know that maybe your just blinded by the things you thought was the best for you. You we're blinded by them because you are afraid of being alone. And you're blinded enough to not be able to recognize that I am afraid of being alone too. I waited and waited and waited. As you seek for the one who can complete you. I watched you got broken so many times. And while watching you being broken like that? I couldn't ignore the feelings that grow deeper and deeper inside of me. I still love you. We couldn't find each other then, you look for someone else while I look for myself. I did my best to love myself and again, I waited and waited and waited. I want you back so bad, I keep the door unlocked. I keep your number in my phone, our photographs on my wall, and all the memories in my soul. I waited and waited and waited. Yes it was painful, yes it was awful. It was sad and it was lonely. I was waiting for you not knowing you could not find your way back to me. But luckily, you just did. You did come back to me. And all the years I spent waiting for you was finally over. I will no longer wait for you to come back to me, I will now wait for you to come home because I know you know your way back now. It doesn't matter how long I waited. It was worth it. Patience and hope is all that I have back then. He leaved me once and I know he'll never leave me again. Because this time, we already found each other.

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

"After a long long time of waiting, you found your way back."

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

"I want him back so bad, I keep the door unlocked."

Facebook

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

I thought I was just grateful, It was love.

Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

You won't understand me because you were never alone before.

for my other best friend

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

The night is so magical that I can’t help myself but to wish that someday you’ll see this beautiful city lights with me standing by your side. 💋

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

An open letter to my mom who never get the chance to know me

You wonder why I am so far away from you. You wonder why I act this way, why I shut myself from the world. You still wonder why you can't read me, why you can't predict my every move. Maybe, if you ask if i'm doing okay. I'll cry in your shoulders and tell you the truth. Maybe, if you look deeply into my eyes. You'll see what i'm really feeling especially behind my fake smiles. Maybe, if you held my hand. You could guide me in the right path. Maybe, if you stay by my side. You can still save me. But, mom. My anxiety is eating me alive. I think there's no way that I can be saved. I am drowning in my own failures and mistakes. No matter how hard I tried, negative thoughts keep coming back into my mind. No matter how hard I cry, The blame is still on me. I want to permanently disappear so that you won't have any disappointment in life. I am sorry but I have lost this battle. Between my mind and my heart, my mind always win. Maybe that's because my heart doesn't feel anything. My heart feel nothing. It's all empty now. I was busy giving love to others and now, there's no love left for me. Maybe that's why I lost. I'm not strong enough to handle myself and my own failures. But you see mom, I have a lot of scars that I always hide. A permanent one that can haunt me for life. I am more damage than you think, with my fake smiles and laughs. All you can think is that I am okay. But I don't think I will ever be.

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

Can a Girl Fall in Love

As I stare into the trees A thought pop into my mind How can a girl fall in love? To someone who is already fuck up inside Can a girl fall in love? To someone's eyes that seek only for the one he truly care Can a girl fall in love? To someone's dream where he and the only one he loves will kiss until they run out or breath Can a girl fall in love? To someone's laugh that only occur when she speaks a melody that strikes into his heart Can a girl fall in love? To someone's voice that speaks only for the extraordinary beauty that he found Can a girl fall in love? To someone's touch that only reminds her of the girl he craves Can a girl fall in love? To someone's scar that has already been seen by everybody else and yet he smiles Can a girl fall in love? To someone's pain where the past can never let him go and want him in chains. Can a girl fall in love? To someone's lips that can make you fall with a sudden blink Can a girl fall in love? To someone who is always there yet his heart is nowhere to be found All this questions always run into my mind And if I ever fall in love I will love him as I fell to sleep And each morning as I woke I will love him with all my wayward heart Until the day it broke I don't care if he will never love me back I just want him to know that he deserves to be happy and to be loved. And eventually when time comes and reality hits me I will be sorry for loving you when I did not love myself.

[janeriehatesyou-blog]

Beach please. 🌴🌴🌴