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jenosbliss · 4 days ago

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DIVORCE ME

pairing: NCT Jaehyun x reader

genre: married couple au!, angst, smut, a little bit of fluff, long distance

warnings: mentions of divorce, unprotected v sex, dom Jaehyun, biting, punishment, fingering, praise, protected anal penetration, spit as lube, reverse cowgirl, slight overstimulation etc

words: 16k

"What?" your voice sounded more like a bark over the phone. But it was a good thing, that's exactly how you intended it to be.

"So you did get the envelope?" Jaehyun, though, on the other side of the line was chill, if you were to judge by the tone of his voice. "My lawyer left a sticker so you'd find the right place to sign it this time." Your fingers pinched your nose, thinking how you scribbled over printed letters last time you had the same envelope sent in.

"I don't have a single pen in my house." You sighed and dropped the envelope right next to a pen and a pencil that were always present at the top of the cabinet at the entrance of your apartment.

"I'll send over the courier with a pen, then." you opened your mouth, Jaehyun not letting you chime in. "I'll even make it two in case one's not working."

Your voice was steady, you looked once again at the papers that had your name at the top. "I said no. I won't sign these papers."

"Why?!" Jaehyun cried into the phone. "We've been living separately for a year. Why are you being stubborn? We’re basically strangers at this point.” Your palm rubbed into your chest, trying to calm down the stinging in your heart at that wording.

Your fingers ran over the words written in larger font at the top - Divorce Agreement.

“I don’t want to.”

“You know I can get a divorce from you without your signature? I’m just not going that route yet.”

“If you think you’re threatening me and I’m scared - I’m not.”

“I know for a fact you’re not threatened. I was married to you for five years.”

“Good.” You sighed, ready to hang up the phone. You didn’t want to continue hearing his voice. “So… will you sign those?”

“I gave you my answer already.”

“Please.” A tinge of desperation in his voice cut you deeper than he clearly intended to.

“No, I said no.” That desperate need to cut all ties - it was making you nervous, you had words stuck up in your throat asking what was the urgency.

“I can’t wait another two years for whatever you’re doing there to end. Are you coming back for any of the holidays?” His voice changed in slight annoyance and you snapped out of heartache.

“None of your business.”

“I am your husband, until you sign the agreement, it is all of my business. In fact, it should only be my business, no one else’s.” Whatever he meant with that, really. You weren’t seeing other people, but he won’t know that.

“Bye.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. Every conversation with the man left you tired. And drained. And it used to never be like this before. He used to be your love. Or he is your love?

“Was that your husband?” Kate, who clearly eavesdropped the whole conversation, peeked from behind the living room wall.

“Is the stress too evident on my face?” You turned on the bright smile and crossed the room to elegantly sit on the couch.

“I heard the words papers and sign and remembered your story.” She gave a little sad nod and patted your forearm in comfort. Sipping on her wine right after. “I’m so sad your expatriation has to end early, but I hope your sister appreciates your wish to help her with her babies.”

“I know.” you whined to fit in with the mood of your only friend over here. “It’s been a year, though, and I haven’t had a single break since coming, so maybe I’m a little excited to go back home and take a week off.” You leaned back a little, imagining waking up later than usual, having fancy breakfasts and sharing them with the man that desperately wanted a divorce from you. Good thing Kate was loud and unstoppable with her blabbering, snapping you out of that horrible thought.

“I thought the pleasure of your life was bossing around dumb Americans like me, and having those horrendous cold coffees, instead of all meals.” Your heart hurt on behalf of Iced Americano.

“You aren’t stupid-.” You remembered to protest, though. “I said dumb!”

“Okay, y’all aren’t dumb, just maybe lack a bit of work ethic that make our Korean office thrive. And my coffees are not horrendous!” Your eyebrows furrowed in feign annoyance.

“We tried to get the hype, the line to the bathroom afterwards was so long, we had to run to other floors, girl.” You chuckled into your palm, shocked at the information previously hidden from you.

“Oh my god! And everyone I asked said the drink was fun! The hypocrisy!” Your palm hid your opened mouth.

“Yeah, the lining up to the bathroom was definitely a fun experience.”

“Good thing my flight’s tomorrow, I won’t have to face those people knowing they pooped their pants because of me.” Kate laughed loudly.

“Gi-i-i-i-rl, but I’m going to miss you. If you ever back in the States, just hit me up? Any time and any day.” She sing-songed, her eyes closing a bit, lifting her nose up.

“Yes.” You gave her a straight nod. You weren’t sure you’d ever get back here, you were determined to never move out of the only place you ever were supposed to live in.

“Won’t you invite me too?” She giggled.

“Quit lying, you won’t ever leave Seattle.”

“Wait, that’s so true.” Her palm covered her mouth, a striking sign your friend was tipsy.

“Go, go, go! There’s your auntie!” You heard the voice of your older sister even before you could register her face in the crowd of the Incheon Airport. Two sets of arms sneaked over the luggage trolley and wrapped your legs.

“Oh my god, Nara, Uri, hi! My babies.” Your arms wrapped over the kids that desperately fought to climb up your body, though in the year you were absent they’ve grown too much for you to be able to carry them so freely.

“Hi. Welcome back home.” Your sister extended an arm, giving you a welcoming pat on the back.

“Hyunjoo! Hi.” You exclaimed, excited, sighing tiredly afterwards. “Thanks for making it all the way here to pick me up.”

“These two couldn’t hold back their excitement when I said you were coming back.”

“Oh, really? Really? I brought so much fun stuff for my little angels!” You put on the baby voice, tickling your nephews.

“I want to see!”

“Let’s get in the car and see what auntie got for you at home, okay?” Your sister offered, and the four of you moved to the exit. “You’ve left with two suitcases, right?”

“Yeah, had to bring gifts for you all.” You chuckled, running your eyes over the trolley with four of those. “Now I don’t know where I’m putting all of these in my apartment.” You chuckled to yourself.

“The bigger question is if all of those will fit into my car.” Hyunjoo gave you a look. “Shit-.” You cursed, looking down at the kids. “I mean, damn. That I’ve not thought about.”

“Where’s Jaehyun?” Shit, that you also have not thought about.

“He has work stuff, couldn’t make it.” You brushed Hyunjoo off with an eye roll.

“On a Sunday?” She gave you an accusatory brow. “The lovey-dovey guy that made you breakfasts every Saturday and never let you drive alone for longer than 30 minutes?” You had to busy yourself with the trolley and making a turn, so you won’t burn alive under her stare. “Is he still sour that you left despite his disagreement with that decision? Are you two not together… by any chance?” Wow, that escalated quickly.

“No, no! Of course not. I told him not to come, since he was telling me all the time how busy he was with work. I’m going to see him… at home.” Those words were also hardly believable, given the lovey-dovey image your sister had in her head. He should’ve been here, pressing his mouth into your cheeks, to not go absolutely feral over his lips on yours in the middle of the airport, arms squeezing you in his hold.

You had to shake the thought away. In realms of your current situation, the only realistic reason for him to be at the airport would be to make you sign those papers and finally set him free.

Realisation of what home implied also downed at you at the exact same moment. You had a home that was also his, it also happened to be the only home you had. Same went for him. What a coincidence, right? For two people, that lived in the city together for 8 years.

Jaehyun was obviously still living in that same apartment, giving he expected you to be back in the country approximately in two years and three months. “Do you want to go see our parents first?” You tried to climb out of that corner unhurt.

“Yeah, three hour drive one way at 4pm Sunday? No thank you.” Hyunjoo snorted, helping her kids get into their seats.

“Right, I didn’t realise it was this late through the day.”

“And we all have work and day care tomorrow. When are you back in the office?”

“I took day off’s this whole week, hoping I’ll put all the stuff away, get back to my life here, and-.” Sort out this divorce agreement. “Yeah.”

“I want to play with aunty!” Nara whined as her mom did her seatbelt, while you were putting your suitcases away in the trunk.

“I’ll come over on Tuesday, okay? Pick you up from daycare and we can get bread on the way back home, and then unpack all the gifts I had purchased for you and your parents. Deal?” You asked the kids, but looked at your sister for approval, she gave you one with a nod and the burst of laughter from kids only sealed the deal.

“You know, Jaehyun’s been weird, since you left. I think he’s still hurt.” You dreaded the fact silence led to this conversation. It was pure quietness, twins knocked out in the back seat, you were also half way through slumber after that endless flight. You had a feeling something was on Hyunjoo’s mind, with the way she tapped her finger over the steering wheel, you just had to predict it was your husband in question.

“I’m sure he’s fine.” You waved her off, again.

“He’s not seen us once. Mom invited him over for every holiday and every weekend get together. He would always say he’s sick, he’s busy, over at his parents house. Anything.” You were curious what face he made as he came up with those, especially if those weren’t over messages. He probably had his whole face red, lip tugging between thumb and pointing fingers as he was carefully picking out words to not be taken wrongly.

“And you didn’t stop the invitations?” They should’ve known better than hitting the man that tried to hide with invitations.

“Of course not! He’s family?” Hyunjoo looked at you scandalised.

“He might’ve not been comfortable coming alone.”

“He quite literally spent two weeks at our house, when you were in college and had to leave for that conference in Singapore. He stayed with all of us, like your substitute, just because he had nothing to do during summer break. And now he’s uncomfortable?” You drove down to the traffic light that turned red, giving your sister a perfect opportunity to turn her eyes to you. “Tell me what’s been going on?”

“Nothing.” Like, you weren’t even lying. Nothing’s been happening - he’s been bombarding you with those divorce agreements, you’ve been disposing them into trash - the end. Other than that, it’s been full on radio silence. You didn’t even know what he looked like by now, what if something changed in his appearance and he won’t feel like home anymore? What if anything changed in his heart, or more like what if his heart changed to an extent where it can’t be reversed? What if your only outcome is in fact divorcing immediately? You shrivelled, pressing yourself more into the seat.

“I’m going to tell mom, and she’ll flip out and get the truth out of you both. I’ve been covering for you! Acting like I know he’s busy and stuff. And I have to know the truth, in case I need to continue.” That sounded like both valuable threat and reason. Still, you didn’t want to risk your lives and announce that he’s been wanting a divorce to your sister, while she’s driving through a highway.

“Okay. Okay, he might be a tiny bit upset.”

“Tiny? It’s been a year, more of like a grudge at this point.”

“It’s because we’ve been apart, and now I’m back home and we’ll be good.” At least, that’s the plan.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I quit the expatriation thing early so I could go back to him.” You whispered the truth under your breath. Everyone got different versions of your reason to be back home, but the real one was your wish to return. You needed to go back to the man that held your heart and tried to throw it back at you. You needed to see with your own two eyes, if he really didn’t love you anymore. “I made a mistake, I really missed my family, I missed Jaehyun."

“Really? I thought you said it was about the project cancellation.” “No. The project cancelled because I said I’m leaving, whether they’re letting me go back as the part of the company or not.” You sighed, the truth was not what you wanted people to think, but you were ready to throw this truth at your sister. She was trustworthy to die with that info.

“I expect you two to be all lovey-dovey next Saturday at our parents anniversary thing, or I’m busting you to mom-.” You almost gasped and cursed, this was a good heads up about the event this weekend and you were glad your sister, probably knowingly, gave you that. You had time to come up with a cover up.

“I’m not sure about that. Jaehyun’s been telling me about seeing his parents-.” The eye roll from Hyunjoo made you stop. “No, for real. He’s actually planned this for weeks. I swear!” You would never be able to bring the man that tried to divorce you to your parents house in 5 days. What sort of torture would that be. For either of you. “I’ll come see mom and dad during the week. Alone. Since he works. And on the weekend we were supposed to go to his parents, but since it’s our parents anniversary, he’s going there alone.” Wait, this sounded like a perfect cover up plan. You almost clapped your hands excited. This sounded like THE plan.

“All I hear is excuses. If you’re lying to me right now - you’re dead.” She made sure the thumb slid right against her throat with a threat. You looked away, scared, only to realise you’ve arrived at the destination.

“Thanks for dropping me off!” You chirped, unbuckling.

“Do you need help with your belongings?”

“No, I’ll do it myself. See you Tuesday, right?”

“Right.” Your sister gave you a nod, pressing the button for the trunk to open. As you pulled out all your suitcases onto the ground, you watched the door close back down, walking up to wave her away.

“Tell your husband I said hi!” You waved, as she drove by you.

You punched in the code you last set, praying he hasn’t changed it.

Jaehyun’s birth date, your birth date, the month you’ve become official. 6 digits in and as you heard the approving melody, your heart sunk. Hopefully he still kept it because it meant things for him, not because he was used to typing in those specific six digits.

As you processed your next step, you came with a conclusion there was quite a chance you can be met with a very taken aback with your presence Jaehyun as soon as you opened the door. If the man is at home, he surely heard the little melody too and was walking up to the door right now, confused and probably totally alerted that someone punched in the correct code.

Either of you was about to get startled at this spontaneous reunion. And you weren’t about to give him the opportunity to catch you unprepared. Opening the door wide, before you could notice anyone in there, it struck you - it looked and smelled just like you left it.

Your eyes trailed around the opened to your eyes space - it was all the same, almost like he didn’t live here, though you sure he was - given the stack of papers on the cabinet, the sneakers that he seemed to purchase while you were away and the raincoat over a kitchen chair, drying up from yesterday’s downpour.

And no Jaehyun in sight.

It was a good thing, you had a little time window to drop off your stuff, pack your bags, take your car keys and run away to your parents unnoticed. You had not prepared yourself to see him, you have not even imagined what you would say or how you’d say it. You had a feeling you could get chocked up at the mere sight of him. Before all this, Jaehyun was the love of your life, your husband.

Despite leaving him like he didn’t matter, you’ve missed him every day.

You loved him every awakened day of your life, paying a price of literal money for your dumbness to go back to him. You were still expecting the check for the exact payment, but you knew the fine you had to pay for wrapping everything up early was about to end up with big numbers. And you really didn’t care for that, as long as you could make sure the man will let you back inside his heart.

You quickly pushed all your luggage inside, closing the door and kicking your shoes off. Your eyes trailed to the side of the cabinet where you kept your slippers on autopilot, only to be actually met with the pair standing right where they belonged to. Lined up with Jaehyun’s. Like you’ve never left.

You put them on and trailed to your bedroom, you needed to take a shower first, unpacking right after.

Jaehyun didn’t bother with putting your stuff away, you expected him to maybe throw it away in a rage tantrum. You were expecting anything. And you would’ve honestly understood. You deserved it. You’ve found your shampoo in the bathroom, the clothes you left behind in your shared walk-in wardrobe. You picked up all needed belongings and quickly freshened up in hot water.

Dragging the first suitcase on the floor, you took all your clothes out to safe space for the gifts you had to take back your family in that same suitcase. You felt so emerged in the acton, sorting things out, leaving things you brought for Jaehyun on the side, taking things for the washer to one pile of clothes. Fresh ones you could take to your parents to the other one.

“Who the hell are you!” You jumped in place, turning around and letting the man see you properly, not just the corner of your back peaking out of the closet. You didn’t even see or hear him come in, brain a mush with the jet lag. “Y/n?” Jaehyun dropped the umbrella, that you guessed he grabbed for defence as he heard your movement, and stilled. “What are you doing here?” He gasped, losing his voice by the end of the sentence completely.

The emotions on his face is what really hurt you. Not a single one of his muscles moved in the direction of smile, or relief, or any other emotion that you could describe with any sort of positivity. He frowned, then gasped again, closing his eyes as if checking if he hallucinated you here. Then he set his mouth in such a downward way your eyes almost gave up on you.

“Hi?” You offered a smile, like the situation wasn’t this awkward unexpected reunion of two people despising each other and being half way divorced. You weren’t despising him, but if he was despising you, you liked to make him feel it was the same way on your side.

“What are you doing here?” Your eyes immediately trailed down his arm - his ringer finger was still covered with a wedding band, your finger immediately tugging on the identical one over your finger.

“I’m just packing my stuff, I’m going to leave quickly, I’m sorry.” You dropped the smile or any other ridiculous imagination you had in your head. You felt like a thief under his gaze.

“No-. How did you get here? And you’re leaving back to the US already? Have you always been here?” Jaehyun frowned even deeper.

“No, they sent me back, turns out I’m also very much needed here, so they had to put Korea’s office priorities before Seattle.” You lied the only line you’ve practiced.

“When did you come back? How did you get all this stuff back here on your own?” Jaehyun’s eyes traveled over your suitcases and bags.

“Does it matter?” You snorted. The only thing he cared for is how you got those suitcases in?

“Well, yeah?” He raised a brow.

“Hyunjoo picked me up at The airport and dropped me off here.” You shrugged, folding a shirt into a pile of dirty clothes.

“You should’ve t-.” He cut himself off. “Are you planning… to stay… here?”

“In the country? Seems like a yes. In this apartment? No, I’m packing.” He didn’t have to shush you away, you’ll gladly leave.

“Where will you go?”

“Why exactly does this matter to you, once again?” You gave him what you hoped was a very disgusted look.

“We’re married.” “Yet, right? Now that I’m here you’re surely getting me to sign those stupid papers of yours.” You snorted.

“I-, ugh. I didn’t know you’ll be coming back so soon.”

“That was intended.” You shrugged

“Where are you going? You don’t have another home in Seoul.” Jaehyun pressed and walked in closer.

You folded away from him, not willing to get even a lick of his scent and his presence this close to you.

“I’m going to stay at my parents. Then work it out, doesn’t matter. You can have this place to yourself.”

“Okay-.” He stilled, eyes unfocused.

“Okay?” You looked up scandalised, your Jaehyun would never agree to something like that. You expected him to fight with you over this. You’d gladly fight with him over the division of property, in hopes to get closer somewhere in between. In hopes he’d say I don’t want to divide anything. I want you all to myself. And you’d allow yourself to fold into him and admit that you’ve never wanted this in the first place. “I was expecting you to at least act like you didn’t want that.” You just bit.

“No, I’m just confused to see you here.”

“Why? Got someone already? Are they coming here? That’s why you’re all invested?” You let out the worst leave your mouth. You were scared, so worried, that Jaehyun let someone into his hurt heart to stop the aching you caused.

“What the hell, no. You were supposed to be in another country for two more years. Of course I’m confused. I wasn’t expecting to see you here, on the floor wearing my stuff like you never left.” You looked down at the shirt - it was clearly his, you haven’t looked down on the print once since you picked it up. You should’ve guessed your things weren’t just laying around on top of the shelves here anymore. When you’ve been absent. For months.

“Well, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to give you a heads up, so you’d run to the airport with your divorce agreement.” You shrugged.

“Shut up.” Jaehyun let out. And it wasn’t the mean shut your stupid mouth type of intonation. He grabbed onto his head, like it was about to explode, grunting a little.

“Huh?”

“You’re the reason I even had to send it to you.” His eyes opened and directed at you.

“I know, Jaehyun, I’m well aware of that.”

“What are you even doing here?”

“As I said, they sent me home early, turns out three years was a stretch. I know this is sudden, and I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, or ruin this bachelor life of yours. I’m repacking and going to my parents.” You should’ve not stuck with your pride. You should’ve fallen to his feet and asked for forgiveness. You hated this encounter. And you hated that you made it worse.

“Bachelor life, what the hell-.” Jaehyun mumbled under his breath, grabbing onto his head once again.

“We haven’t had a single conversation in a year, I could’ve never imagined this to happen-, in this way-. This seems to be even worse than I imagined. I should’ve went straight to my parents, just couldn’t tell Hyunjoo about this… us, I mean not us-.” You panicked, moving your arms around and avoiding Jaehyun’s gaze.

“While you’re at your parents’, you might as well tell them we’re getting a divorce, because I’m out of reasons to dodge their invitations.” Jaehyun interrupted your conscious mumbling with a little bite to his tone.

“Don’t worry, since I’m here they won’t even be bothered by your absence.” You weren’t about to let that slip.

“Okay, good, because I just got a text from your mom, hoping to see me on Sunday. I guess you’ll work that out yourself.” He gave you a subtle smirk.

“I will, don’t you worry.” Jaehyun walked out the door of your previously shared bedroom, slamming it and you were sure he was cursing under his breath, because he always did that when he was stressed. At least he used to.

You knew he’d be clearly surprised if he saw you, you didn’t expect him be angry and pent up and so unreachable, even though you were the one who left him. You made him consider filing for a divorce.

You still hoped for a little smile or something along the way of that.

“So we’re just jumping straight to violence?” You trailed the route to the kitchen, not knowing if you should whisper or talk normally with him.

“And you broke up with me, and also expected me to have fanfares and cake prepared for your return? I want a divorce, I thought you had enough time to settle with that idea.” Jaehyun drank a glass of water in one go, filling up another one. “You did this.”

“I didn’t break up with you-.” “Seriously? You left.” The way his voice went an octave higher cut you.

“I told you, I-.”

“You’re asking for my opinion, or just telling me something that’s already settled?” Your body was straddling his thighs. Jaehyun scrolled through the phone after work, waiting for you to come back home so you’d have your dinner together. You ran into the apartment, bubbling with excitement. Jaehyun didn’t even have the time to put his phone away, with the speed you got on top of him and kissed his mouth. The man under immediately adjusted to your mood, fingers pressing into your thighs with pressure. Until you told him the reason for your excitement, or more specifically the timings of it.

Because he was excited for the opportunity, before you let him know the contract was for three years. That’s when his fingers loosened the grip and his mouth turned downwards.

“No, it’s not settled. Obviously, I really want to go, but I would miss you terribly.” You leaned to peck his mouth, not getting any reciprocation out of Jaehyun.

“So you’re not going?” He lit up.

“I don’t know. If my visa application-.” You drew circles on his chest. If your visa is approved, you will have to go, it seems. “You applied for a visa? Without telling me?” Jaehyun caught your fingers in his hold, voice more of a growl at the new piece of information.

“I didn’t, my company literally have all the papers to do that for me. They’ve been considering me and someone else. As soon as I heard about visas - I came to tell you.” You lied there, a little. Another person was considered before, you were the only one they applied a visa for. You also had to give them your passport, but that was also the part you hoped Jaehyun won’t focus on.

“So it is settled.” He sighed and let go of your fingers. “I thought you’d be excited for me?” You pouted leaning in to Jaehyun, who’s been looking away from you this whole conversation. “Baby, we could literally be talking on the phone all the time, in case they want me to go. All the holidays we’ll be together.” you kissed his cheek, expecting for him to soften.

“I was excited, before you told me it’s for three years? And it’s settled, and you have not even considered asking me to come with you.”

“I have, but I don’t want you to lose everything here, this is only temporary. I love you so-so much.” You pressed your mouth into the corner of his.

“Everything wouldn’t even matter if I lost you.” Jaehyun finally looked you dead in the eyes.

“Baby.” You murmured, touched, arms hugging his shoulders, face tucking into his neck. “You wouldn’t.”

- “Can we have this conversation properly? I don’t want you to go.” Jaehyun walked out the bedroom, suit perfectly wrapping his body. “I’ve been thinking about it for the whole night, and I can’t allow you going away. For three years. If it’s 6 months, okay. I’d somehow go with that. Three years - absolutely not. Honey, please hear me out.” Jaehyun’s fingers pulled onto your waist to turn you around and face him.

“Do you want to come with me?”

“No. Not like this, not when it seems to be not even a second thought in your head.”

“It’s not like that, I have thought of you going, and it’s always you struggling because you left the job you loved. And what would you do afterwards? When we have to return? You will be jobless again? Your parents also won’t forgive me for taking their only son away from them.” You ran your thumb over his lower lip.

“Okay, then both you and I - we’re staying here.” Jaehyun kissed the finger tip that’s been teasing him.

“Baby, no, it’s not settled like that either.”

“Why are you lying to me about this?” Jaehyun whispered, getting closer to your face. “If you’re lying, doesn’t it mean you don’t want to go? You want to stay with me and can’t? You can quit. I’ll cover all our expenses while you’re looking for a new job.” His eyes focused on you, trying to see through the shield you’ve put on.

“No, I want to go, but I also don’t want to leave you.” You also moved your face in his direction, expecting a kiss.

“Then don’t. If it’s not settled, then it’s okay to decline.” Jaehyun pecked your mouth.

“You’re right.” You nodded, hearing a relieved sigh come out of Jaehyun’s mouth, kissing your cheek next. “It’s not too late.”

“I love you, have a good day.” Jaehyun gave your side a squeeze, leaving to put his shoes on.

“You too.”

You had no better way to tell Jaehyun what happened at work than literally start packing. You got your visa approved, you were set to leave in two weeks. There was no way for you to jump in and tell them to pick someone else instead. Your boss patted your shoulder proudly and told you how he had always believed in you. And coming up somewhere in between with I can’t do this felt just wrong.

You couldn’t do this.

Despite the absolute itchiness of your entire body this whole day, you were trying to pick out clothes for packing. Agonising over the racks of your clothes for the past forty minutes.

“Bab-. No. No-no-no, what are you doing?” Jaehyun’s fingers pulled the skirt out of your hold. “Where are you going?” He dropped on his knees next to you and held onto your face.

“I came to tell them that I can’t leave for three years, I thought about talking to cut down to six months like you told me you could endure. But I was told I got the paper work approved, tickets purchased and everyone are expecting me in Seattle in two weeks.” You lowered your face into his chest, allowing for Jaehyun to hug you if he had strength to do that.

“Two weeks?” Jaehyun couldn’t even say it without chocking.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you earlier, I didn’t, because I couldn’t decide what mattered more-.” You eased into his hold more.

“What mattered more? You couldn’t decide whether I, or a stupid job mattered more?” Jaehyun shook you a little so you’d open your eyes.

“No, no. Of course you matter more. Baby, you obviously all that matters to me.” That’s not even what you meant with mattered more.

“Fuck.” Jaehyun chuckled lowly, clearly affected by the stupid slip of your tongue. “Can’t believe my wife’s a workaholic. Never used to be one.” He stood up, letting go of you and letting the skirt fall into the suitcase.

“I am not. It’s just… Seattle? Have you ever been to Seattle?” You looked up at him.

“I clearly haven’t.” Jaehyun looked away from you, taking the jacket off his shoulders.

“Me neither, so I didn’t know how to say no to that.” Somehow, you had a strong believe that if it’s something you really wanted Jaehyun would give in and feel better about it because he loves you. You were clearly wrong.

“Can’t believe these words are coming out of your mouth.” You held onto Jaehyun’s ankle so he wouldn’t walk away. Pathetic.

“I know.” You stood up, taking Jaehyun’s face into your hands. “We will have to learn how to be long distance.”

“I don’t want to learn any of that.” He grumbled, like a hurt baby. Maybe, because he was one. And it was fair for him to be one, you knew that for sure.

“Baby, I know, I don’t want to too. But life sometimes forces us to do things we don’t want to. Like this here.”

“Like being my wife?”

“Honey, you’re blowing this out of proportion!” You exclaimed.

“Really? I just wouldn’t want to be married to a woman that can’t even voice out her priorities to me. That decided on her own she’s moving to another country for three years, when she has a family to discuss these things with. If you don’t care for me - good, I don’t want to care for you either. Maybe you’ve already planned to get a divorce?” Jaehyun pushed away your hold, looking away, running his fingers with force through his hair, pulling at the little hair on the nape. This… weren't the words you expected out of him. “You’re being dramatic.” You could only gasp out absolutely taken aback at that suggestion. “And jumping to ridiculous conclusions.” The words left his mouth so easily and so firmly. “Suggesting I want a divorce is blowing this out of proportion, no?”

“You’re being insensitive. I love you and I am against you leaving, but it seems like it doesn’t mean a thing to you. You’re still going, like we’re strangers. You didn’t want to talk with me about this. How do you want me to not jump to conclusions? You lay it all out for me. Next step is clearly a divorce.”

“Good, let’s get a divorce then.” You let out with a bite.

“Good.” Jaehyun nodded and walked into the bathroom.

“Seeing this-, honestly, just the idea of you seriously going away - it’s making me dizzy.” Jaehyun spoke to you, finally, as you struggled to close the zipper on your suitcase. Jaehyun given you a cold shoulder for the entirety of two weeks. No talking, beyond questions his life depended on, no physical contact despite sleeping in one bed. He would only tell you in the mornings, how he wished you’d pick him over a job, and he would always run out of the door before you could tell him you would never pick anything over him. He’s number one in your heart despite the decision.

And you could’ve been talking, kissing, and touching, and having sex, for that matter, with your number one for the whole two weeks. To fulfil at least the tiniest bit of your longing, but now you were less than a day away from your flight and itching horribly for his mouth all over your body.

“Honey, it-.”

“I meant it, if you’re seriously flying away - we’re getting a divorce.” He looked you dead in the eye. That was a stare of someone who decided to make their words come true.

“I am flying away, Jaehyun.” You sighed.

“So you want a divorce?”

“No. I want to live through this opportunity and get your support.”

“I don’t want to do that. Three years is a whole fucking lot.” He bursted, expectedly. You just wished he would’ve done that much earlier, you needed to have that fight two weeks ago, not now. If you fought about it earlier - you would’ve already settled with the idea and spent your last hours together in each other’s presence, closer than you could ever get.

“I know, okay, I know. That’s a lot and it’s unfair, but it happened so quickly for me too. I had no information whether or not it’s happening for some time, and as I told you, the next day they say my visa’s approved and I’m expected in Seattle in two weeks.” You closed the distance between you, walking to the couch Jaehyun sat on. “I wish this went a different route.” “Why did you not tell me, when it was just in the talks? That’s something I’m genuinely not understanding. We always talked about the tiniest things? You text me about everything! But not Seattle? Is this some sort of punishment? Did I do something wrong?” You watched him gradually curl each finger into a fist, obvious display of silent rage.

“I didn’t want you to worry, if nothing was gonna happen. You didn’t do a thing, I never punished you. I just knew it’ll be bad, if they want me to go. I wanted to keep it low because I love you! I didn’t know they’ll end up processing everything this quickly.” You wanted to go, but also didn’t. Talking about it with Jaehyun would’ve made that possibility real, and you were hoping it’ll just pass by you, while also praying for them to pick you. You also knew if you told that to him earlier - he would’ve supported you all the way through. He totally would’ve been 180 to him now, because he was always supportive of you. He was clearly raging because he was kept in the dark. He was almost doing exactly what you wanted him to do. Making it so much easier for you to leave.

It’s unexplainable, really. Both your wish to go and not to.You were expecting worse, while hoping for them to pick you. It’s like you were split in two. One wanted Jaehyun to be the centre of your life, the other wanted to try things out of his reach also.

“And now your flight is tomorrow and you think just leaving this as it is is going to do any good to this whole relationship?” You kneeled in front of him, taking in his pained expression.

“You were the one who didn’t want to talk.”

“Yes, because hearing that you’re not sure what matters more - me or the job was not on my bingo list for this year.”

“What do you want me to do?” You tried to be calm, talk to him like he was a baby.

“You know exactly what I want you to do - no doubt.”

“I literally can’t say no right now, we have to go through this.”

“You literally can. Say your husband is not allowing for you to leave the country. I’m okay to be the tyrant in the eyes of your co-workers if that means you’re staying.” Jaehyun moved his knee from under your hold.

“Baby.” You reached for his fingertips, Jaehyun jerked back at the mere touch of you. “I don’t want to fight. I want you to make love to me for the whole night, so it’ll be enough at least for the littlest bit I’m away from you. Can’t you do just that? Can we not fight? I want to be talking to you, seeing you through my phone and waiting for the day we see each other again.” You patted his lower stomach, not knowing where to put your hands. Jaehyun forced you away from him.

“You’re clearly not hearing me, I see.” Jaehyun slammed his laptop, walking out the living room.

You stood at the entrance of your apartment, shifting weight from one foot to the other, not sure if you’ll ever forgive yourself for walking out in full silence.

“Won’t you kiss me goodbye? I feel like we’ll both regret it a lot. You haven’t touched me in two weeks and I can’t believe I’m leaving like this.” You called out to Jaehyun’s back. Despite the silent treatment, he spent the whole morning within your eyesight. The whole time you were packing and running around, Jaehyun kept himself somewhere close. It almost felt like he was walking you out and you were comforted by that.

“I won’t.” He grumbled.

“I will miss you a lot. Despite what you’re thinking, I love you.” You trailed behind him, squeezing his wrist in your hold.

“Yeah, you’ve clearly showed that.” Your husband tried to shake your hold off of him.

“Instead of being a little bitch about it, you could’ve been looking up tickets to see me in June.” You whispered into his back.

“I don’t have the money for that, I’m not the one with a job in the States.”

“You’re still being a little bitch about it and are also lying.” He did have the money, his salary was still above yours even with this US increase you were given.

“You’ll miss your flight, and we can’t allow that to happen. Go.” Jaehyun spared you a glance and walked off to the couch, busying himself with the iPad he didn’t even usually use.

You had to swallow the lump in your throat, be the bigger person, because you were the one at fault. You tip-toed around your luggage, getting closer to the couch he occupied, crashing his shoulders under your weight, as you leaned in and pressed your head against his. “I love you.” Your mouth pressed into his set jaw. “I don’t want a divorce, I want to come back home to you. I will miss waking up every day and seeing your pretty eyes and feeling your fingers on my thigh. Come on, baby. Let me kiss you, if you’re divorcing me, am I not allowed to have my last kiss?” Jaehyun touched your arm that choked his neck, and you hoped he did that so he’d be able to turn around. You let him go and watched him turn around to you.

“We’re not having our last kiss, no. Please, go.” He forced you to stand up.

“Jaehyun, you can’t be serious right now. We’ve been together for 10 years-.” “And those 10 years seem to be nothing to you, right? Since you were able to decide on leaving me with no second thoughts?”

Your mouth opened and closed, like you were a fish. Just air, no words to defend yourself or your actions. Jaehyun walked up to the door, rolled both your suitcases out and looked at you, clearly expecting for you to roll out the apartment in the same way.

“Safe skies.” He rumbled, as you walked up to the elevator, not having a chance to turn around and look at him one last time as Jaehyun closed the door.

You hated how the taxi driver asked if you were okay, because you clearly weren’t - hot tears streaming down your face through the whole ride. You hated the side eyeing of every person at the airport, and then on the plane, judging your red face and puffy eyes.

You cried through the whole 13 hour flight, to the point you could barely see, both from soreness and puffiness of your eyes. They even pulled you for the random check at the airport, probably barely seeing the correlation between the photo and reality. You had to make up a joke about an allergic reaction.

You got in the taxi and barely held back from bursting there too, taking another 3 hours to settle in your booked apartment and finally be left alone. You had two whole days up your sleeve to just soak in your loneliness and cry.

Three months later you received the envelope for the first time. You tore those pages apart, calling Jaehyun despite it being late night back at home and cursing him. With every word you knew. You hated every bit of him for actually making those words come true.

Since then, you would get the papers regularly and would regularly dispose them into trash. Your reaction also became more stoic - simple no’s over the message or on the phone. You were almost convinced he sent them just so you’d talk, and you’d agree getting the papers daily, if that meant you’d hear his voice and his steady breaths through the phone.

“I thought I’ll never see you again.” Jaehyun broke down the dead silence that set in your apartment. You had no good reason to not leave immediately, but somehow you found yourself on the floor, going through make up like you needed to pick each item separately, stretching out time you could spend here.

It did you good, it seemed, Jaehyun finally build up courage to talk to you, or maybe just found words he could tell you.

“Why? It was set for just three years, and I would’ve eventually came back on vacation.” You haven’t used a single day, too scared to come back home and face him. But eventually, maybe, you could’ve done that.

“I thought you’ll sign the agreement and I won’t every see you again. Purposefully avoid you.” Jaehyun sat down on the bed, not far from you, you could move a little to the side and rest the back of your head against his knee, and you felt like it meant something. These words also supposedly meant something, why else would he come to you, when you’ve settled already that you’re leaving.

“Why?” You asked, careful. It was hard to keep your emotions at bay when they were already in your throat.

“I couldn’t look at you, I knew I’d be so overwhelmed, and I’m proven right. I’m overwhelmed.” You turned your head, looking at Jaehyun to make a conclusion on his emotions. He stared into the floor before him, eyes blinking slowly, like his brain is picking out the words carefully to not tell you too much. You wished he didn’t hold back.

“I’m so sorry, that I’ve suddenly been making your life a mess. We were never like this… right?” Jaehyun nodded slightly, zoned-out, it seemed.

“You were right, I really regretted not kissing you goodbye, not taking you to the airport myself. Really regretted not calling you and asking if you were okay, somewhere far away from home, all alone and hurt by me. I regret so much not replying to your message letting me know you arrived safely. I fucking hate myself for never wishing you a good night. And now it’s too late, irreparable. I’ve blamed you, but actually made the worst moves to ruin our marriage.” Every sentence felt like a shot straight to your chest. Every pause and single breaths after each word felt like the rope around your neck was getting tighter. It was never too late to work on your mistakes, as long as he wanted it too. “I just hope, moving forward, we can be acquaintances.” You choked.

“Right, acquaintances.” You could only muster out of your mouth. “I really have to get on the road.” You stood up, wiping the tear off your cheek, before Jaehyun could notice. You should’ve left before you’d head him call you an acquaintance. You were nauseous and probably weren’t save to drive. “I couldn’t see my car key where I left it. Do you know where it is?” You changed the topic, turning around to look at Jaehyun with no trails of emotional trauma.

“Ugh, yeah. It’s in my pocket. I’ve been driving your car lately, I’m sorry, I should’ve asked.” Jaehyun got up, looking around for his jacket, you assumed.

“Why?” You asked, confused. He had his own car, the car he loved dearly, in fact. Always refused to go in yours, and he’s been driving it all of a sudden. What a weird confession to make. “Did something happen to your car?” It was the only logical interpretation of his words.

“No, yours just eating less gas-.”

“Really?” You looked at him confused, maybe he was right, you wouldn’t know.

“Yeah, here are the keys.” He reached out his open palm with the car key. You really refused to touch the skin of his hand. You reached out and then jerked your hand back, looking Jaehyun in the eyes to watch his reaction. He moved his other arm, grabbing onto your hand and pressing the key into your palm, covering it with the other.

This really went out of the no touching route, you hated how you immediately needed his hands all over your body. That’s exactly what you tried to avoid. Longing.

“I’m sorry if I left anything in the car-.”

“Stop, it’s not like your things would bother me.” You huffed, only now realising he’s still holding your palm between his fingers. “I anyway always preferred your stuff over mine, hope it’s something I could use.” You smiled, trying to make him feel better, yourself feel better. And it seemed to work, with the way Jaehyun looked you in the eyes and lit up for the slightest moment, before it felt like reality dawned on him, and he let go of you and dropped the smile.

You grabbed your stuff and walked out the apartment.

“Hey, Jaehyun?” Hyunjoo spoke into the phone in a hushed whisper, trying to keep the call out of everyone’s hearing ability.

“Oh?” She could clearly hear his astonishment in that sound. “Hyunjoo, hi. I thought I had your phone number saved.” Jaehyun scratched his brow. Caught absolutely off guard to hear your family member on the other side of the line. Did something happen to you?

“That’s our aunt’s, mine’s occupied by Nara and Uri.” Hyunjoo was well aware that information didn’t matter to Jaehyun, but still. She felt like sharing.

“Did something happen? Is my wife okay?” Even he himself hated the way he referred to you, unable to imagine how Hyunjoo must’ve cringed at him.

“No, she’s okay.”

“I see.” He sighed, weirded out by the call. That silence only gestured further more for Hyunjoo that something was off. Her hunch was strong, and the vibe coming from Jaehyun - she could tell, it didn’t give off the usual openness and sweetness. She were even more concerned, than before she called.

“I don’t know if my sister is lying that you two are all good, because something tells me you two aren’t on good terms-.” Hyunjoo trailed off, in hopes of Jaehyun catching the bait and telling the truth.

“I don’t know what to tell you. I think it’s better you discuss these things with your sister.” Jaehyun sighed into the phone, giving away more than he intended.

“All I know is, if she didn’t lie - you should definitely come, it’s our parents wedding anniversary. Our mom will eat your wife alive, you know how she hates when someone’s missing. Minhyuk is already a fallen victim for not coming in often enough, and it’s not long until she focuses on your absence.”

“I’m really sorry, I won’t make it today. It’s a four hour drive from my parents-.”

“Are you really at your parents?” Hyunjoo furrowed her brows, trying to hear over the loud talking of your family.

“Why?”

“There’s a train, you could hop on to that.”

“The train station is far from your house.” Jaehyun sighed, switching his arms that held the phone.

“I could pick you up.” Jaehyun stilled, not giving Hyunjoo an answer. “Do you love her or not?”

“Why?” Jaehyun sighed once again, and Hyunjoo could really hear the indecisiveness in that sound.

“When I asked you if you loved my sister last time I saw you, your ears turned all red and you said that you’re so in love, you feel your head get dizzy from time to time. It was less than I year ago. We joked around how you two are never coming out of that honeymoon phase. You didn’t throw at me that sad little why. Something really happened between you two.”

Jaehyun raised his voice, Hyunjoo finally could hear him properly. “Your sister left for a year, of course something happened between us.”

“She made a mistake, also quit the job to run back to you and I hope you’ll appreciate that action and find it in you to forgive her for her stupid ways.”

“She did what?” By the way Jaehyun gasped Hyunjoo could tell he was far from knowing the truth.

“What did she tell you about her comeback?” “That Seoul office needs were put before Seattle, so she was transferred back.”

“Unfortunately, despite a job, a marriage and other adult things in her life, she’s still a stubborn child, that can’t admit to things.” Hyunjoo rolled her eyes, looking for you in the crowded living room to scold you as soon as she’s off the phone.

“I’ll text you the time my train will be at the station. Okay?”

“Yes, I’ll be waiting. Guess see you tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Sweetheart, even Minhyuk made it over here after his shift! Where’s our precious Jaehyunie? Hey, Minhyuk, where did your wife disappear?” Your mom moved her attention back at you. “Where did Hyunjoo go?”

“I have no clue? She grabbed my car keys and said she’ll be back in an hour.” You shrugged.

“Where’s mommy, dada?” Nara asked her dad, pressing her little head into his chest.

“Will come back soon, picking things up.” His mouth pressed into her ear, striking you a look you didn’t know how to interpret for the meanwhile.

It all suddenly fell into place, when Jaehyun walked into the living room, Hyunjoo trailing right behind.

Every member of your family, your mom’s closest friends, jumped off their seats to pinch his cheeks, or slap it in a caring manner, comment on how good he’s looking, or how sweet he is for coming despite the distance from Seoul or his parents’.

It was hard for you to process his presence, especially when you didn’t even talk about it with him. You found your sister’s eyes on you with a smirk, not even hiding the fact it was her doing. You wondered how much she was able to work out on her own. About your marriage and the state it was in.

You felt your mouth open in shock, as you watched the encounter between Jaehyun and your dad, only to realise that he’s progressively getting closer to you. Finally closing the gap and wrapping an arm over your waist, mouth latching onto your temple. The touch wasn’t giving off any feelings, it was clearly an act for the public.

“Hi, baby.” He mumbled into your skin, moving away. “My mom told me to greet everyone on her behalf and she’s sorry for stealing me from this gathering.” He smiled sweetly at everyone, mouth pressing once again into your skin. “What is it? Why are you so flabbergasted?” He chuckled, fingers flexing over your waist like the last time he touched you, or kissed you in any way wasn’t almost a year ago.

“You said you can’t make it, I’m just confused.” You finally pulled yourself together, letting a small chuckle out. You finally looked at him up close, plastering a smile onto your face, palm moving onto his chest as your lips landed in the corner of Jaehyun’s mouth. You would’ve kissed his mouth, but were scared he’d tap out of that excessive acting. “Hi.” You whispered, not sure if anyone was locking in on the acting in front of them.

“Jaehyunie, you really made us worry, when my daughter was away and you wouldn’t come see us-.” Your mom pulled everyone’s attention back on you two.

“I just couldn’t imagine coming here, knowing I won’t see my wife for three years. I’m sorry, I should’ve been more cautious of how you’ll feel.” He bowed, making your grandmothers coo at each other.

“No, no. It’s all good. It is such a blessing that project got cancelled and they let you come back. A family should always be together, now you can try for babies-.”

“Mom.” You chocked.

“Yes, we obviously need Uri and Nara to become the wiser older siblings, just like their mom is.” Hyunjoo teased.

“We haven’t thought of that yet, you need to slow down. I just got back-.”

“You two are almost thirty-.” Jaehyun cut off, politely.

“We thought of a baby before everything happened, once my beautiful wife is ready, I’m sure it’ll happen.” You felt a little shiver of anxiety run down your spine.

You watched Jaehyun’s back for a little, comprehending whether or not he’d hate you progressing with the act. He straightened his back a little, and it was hard to hold back any longer. You wrapped your arms over his waist, tucking your face between his shoulder blades.

He stilled at first, wrapping his fingers over your arm a moment later.

“Thanks for coming here, I don’t know why or how Hyunjoo did it, but you saved me.” Your mouth left a kiss on his back, before snuggling your face into the material once again.

He tapped the back of your palm multiple times, before you worked out it was his call for you to let him go. You did so, taking a step back also, so he could turn around.

Jaehyun looked down on you, face not giving much to interpretation, but his arms wrapped around your shoulders and tucked you into his chest. Your arms found their place on his waist. This here, it felt like you were home for the first time since you came back. Despite spending this whole week back here, only now did it feel like you returned where you belonged. You tightened your hold around him, Jaehyun letting his back hit the counter and welcome you between his legs, arms holding you firmer in his hold. It was hard for you to see the truth behind the action. Did he do that to put an impression on your family that you were good? Did he do that because that’s all he wanted to do since you came back? Your fingers caressed his back in little pats, eyes closing and muting all the background noise, focusing on the beating of his heart only.

Jaehyun raised his head from the top of yours, only to bombard a multitude of kisses on top of your head. You felt like you were about to burn alive.

“Aigoo, how did you two live separately for a year, when you’ve seen each other in the morning and already can’t let go of each other.” Your mom let you know the act was seen. Jaehyun pulled back. “In the morning?” Jaehyun smiled politely at your mom, shifting his gaze at you. You smiled innocently, resting your head on his shoulder, until your mom would move her attention elsewhere. “What’s this about?” Jaehyun whispered into your ear.

“Act like we spent the week at home, will you?” You smiled, mouth almost not moving as you spoke.

“And may I know where you spent it?” Jaehyun’s arm wrapped tighter over your waist. The familiar press of his body against yours felt borderline ecstatic.

“Four Seasons…?” You cowardly admitted staying at a hotel for the whole week, instead of facing reality.

“You stayed at a hotel?! Instead of coming back home?” Jaehyun’s arm pushed you even more into his frame, hissing, making it wildly uncomfortable to press into his crotch during a build up for a confrontation. “Why do you hate me? I didn’t leave you.” Instead of a blow up, his shoulders slouched in lack of understanding your motives.

You wished you could answer that yourself.

“I guessed you won’t be comfortable being around me, but you came here. What did my sister tell you?” You hissed back at him.

“That your mom was halfway done with nagging at Minhyuk, and you were next in line for my absence. Said you won’t come out alive out of it, so I had to hop on the train. If you’re dead, who’s signing my divorce agreement?” He chuckled, your palm landed on his chest, asking for a little bit of space between you two. The joke didn’t land where he wanted it to. At least you were hoping, that he’s playful and not about to pop the pen and paper from behind him.

“We haven’t slept in a bed together since April last year.” You stated, eyes glued to your double bed.

“I’m aware.” Jaehyun simply shrugged. He might’ve not cared.

“Do you… not want to?” You still made sure to ask.

“I don’t care, I’m dead tired I’ll be knocked out on the floor, if it matters to you.”

"We should sleep tops to tails." you suggested, scared you'd eventually roll over into him and tuck yourself under his arm, like you knew you always did.

"Sure." Jaehyun gave you the curtest nod and sat down on the bed with his back facing you.

You grabbed the pillow and tossed it into supposed feet area, covering yourself with a duvet, thank God your mom had a spare one and you didn’t have to share it with him. "Turn off the light when you won't need it anymore. Thank you." you whispered and closed your eyes.

Jaehyun was well aware of the fact you couldn't fall asleep with the light on, it was obvious the man also knew how much you hated to have your full body covered, because you were immediately hot all over even in the winter. But you had to intention of letting him see any of you from behind the material.

You focused on the noises that were coming from him - he shuffled on the bed a little, clearly not lying down yet. Then he stilled, making you wonder if he was just staring at his phone, with the full illumination in the room. You were getting a little worked up at the idea of him purposely disturbing your wish to sleep. You wanted to turn around and see him and maybe have a little fight, because it seemed like the only valuable reason to talk to him.

You were feeling too warm under the duvet, all because of those thoughts, you needed him to turn off the lights, so you'd pull it off yourself. When he'd roll to the other side and won't see your bare legs in the darkness. As you made up your mind to fight, you heard him get to his feet and finally turn the lights off. You held in a sigh.

You listened carefully to his feet walking back to the bed and felt him sitting down. Heard and felt the mattress bend as he lowered his body fully and then shuffled with his own duvet. You felt the mattress bend under him as he probably turned away from you, and finally felt free to move the duvet off your body.

Taking a long breath and actually trying to fall asleep this time.

You tried not to picture much how you'd meet at the court's entrance to civilly agree on your divorce. You tried to shush those thoughts away and fall asleep quickly.

You heard a little shuffle behind your back, Jaehyun probably moving his arms around to find a comfortable position.

Until you felt his mouth on your outer ankle bone you were convinced Jaehyun was trying hard to fall asleep. Now you weren't so sure, as he moved his mouth a mere centimetre up. Your legs moved under his touch on reflex, trying to avoid the tickle of his mouth.

Jaehyun's fingers wrapped over your sole, holding your leg in place, as his mouth trailed up your ankle to your calf. "Tell me if you want me to stop." He skipped a few centimetres up your body and pressed his mouth into the middle of your thigh.

"It's okay." you whispered into the pillow, laying on your stomach. Jaehyun's mouth kissed your other thigh and moved away. You heard him shuffle behind you, probably sitting up, felt his fingers wrap around your ankles and pulling your body more to the centre of the bed. You tried to close your legs and felt his body between them.

You were already so damn wet, not knowing what he wanted or intended to do, but you were just hoping Jaehyun won't take long to find out how he made you feel.

His fingers ran up your legs while giving pressure to your skin, pressing his mouth right under your ass, the shorts giving him the perfect opportunity to feel up all the bare skin. You felt his tongue swipe up, while his hand squeezed the other side under its fingers. You perked your ass up, only to be pressed down with force.

Jaehyun's luscious mouth moved up your butt cheek and left wet kisses, when you felt a striking pain of his teeth, digging into the soft skin. As you gave out a whine and shuffled under him, Jaehyun's free palm pressed into your lower back to keep you in place, pressing his teeth into you even harder.

Your hand blindly found his head, trying to make him let go. It's not like he didn't know it hurt, he purposely hurt you.

"Baby, it really hurts." You finally whined, feeling his mouth let go of you and fall into your reached out hand, peppering kisses into your palm.

Your butt cheek was on fire.

"I know. That's your punishment for leaving me alone. For a whole fucking year. And staying at that fuck ass hotel for the whole week. Bet it doesn't even sting half badly to what my heart felt."

"I'm so sorry." you tried to turn around and see him, but Jaehyun's arms pressed into your knees. This was clearly another part of his punishment. "My ass is on fire, i need ice."

"I can give the symmetrical one to the other side, it'll for sure stop burning over here."

"No, please, this already hurts a lot. Is there blood?" you whined.

"I wouldn't bite that hard, you're silly. Just a little red mark. It's not that harsh." His fingers slapped the butt cheek and you let out an 'ouch'. It for sure felt like there was blood to you. "I missed you." he whispered in a hushed manner, pressing his mouth against you. “I had to fuck my hand for a year because my wife left me alone. Are you sorry for that also?”

“I am.”

“Good.” Jaehyun pressed flat out palm into your core, your body leaning into his hand to feel the pressure that made your eyes roll backwards. “Tell me if you don’t want to have sex with me.”

“I want to, my only concern would be my entire family sleeping in the same building.” You moved your body against his palm, giving yourself a bit of stimulation.

“Then you have to be extra cautious with your noises.” Jaehyun moved his fingers to the side, teasing the material of your underwear.

“You can silence me with your kisses. Please, let me turn around, I want to kiss you.” You whined, feeling his digits tease your slickness. Jaehyun’s thumb disappeared in your folds, giving you pressure you missed so much. One more swipe of his fingers and all you need is his hips thrusting into you full force. Fucking you stupid, until you can’t stand up the next morning.

“No, I don’t want you to.” His pointing fingers rolled over your clit in circles.

“I missed you so fucking much, baby.”

“I can tell. You’re so wet, so warm, so ready to take me inside of you.” Jaehyun’s fingers rolled down your slit, pressing into your entrance. “But I kind of thought of something else?” His digits penetrated you, curling inside as your ass once again lift up from the mattress, adding on the friction and pressure.

“Baby, anything is good for me. Can you move your hand faster?” Jaehyun pressed his other hand into your clit, drawing small circle while pumping his other hand in and out of you.

“You can’t be cuming this early, no. I’m going to move slowly. You need to relax. Completely.” He let his hand from your clit press into your lower back to lay you back down. “Shh, you need to relax, I need you to be absolutely unwind.” Jaehyun caressed your thigh with that same hand, letting left-over slickness stain your skin.

“Why?” You mumbled into the pillow, arms grabbing onto the material, as Jaehyun pulled back. As the question left your lips, you felt his same digit give pressure to your anus. “Why?” You asked again, meaning why do you want to do anal when my whole family could hear us. Not why the hell do you want that now.

“Are you against it?”

“No, we maybe should’ve taken it home.” You whined as he caressed his fingers against you. “We can’t, not when you tell me you’ve slept in a hotel for a week, when I thought you were here. I could’ve been fucking you for a week, in every way I could think of. I could’ve even calmed down by now and started making love to you instead.” Jaehyun’s mouth trailed kisses down your back through your shirt.

“Do you know…how to do it properly?” He clearly did, you just liked asking stupid questions.

“I had plenty of time to work that out.”

“Don’t tell me it was through other people.” You swallowed a moan, feeling him slip into your wetness.

“You must be fucking insane. I would’ve kept my faithfulness to you even if you signed the papers and I walked into you five years later on accident. You’re the love of my fucking life, baby.” Jaehyun slipped two of his fingers inside of you, giving pressure to your ass with the third one.

“Jaehyun-ah.” You cried into the pillow not able to go with the same slowness of his movement, continue with that mere pressure into your ass, you needed more of him and more firmly, like you knew he was able to give.

“Yes, sweetheart?” He whispered sweetly.

There was no sweetness in your response. When you were horny, you were far from being sweet. “I want you to fuck my ass. And I want you to do it roughly.”

“I hear you.” Jaehyun whispered, pressing his mouth into your shoulder blade. “Let me take your clothes off, stick your ass up.” He let go of you completely, moving back down and watching you get on your knees. You stuck your butt out for him, his fingers immediately hooking onto your shorts and pulling them down your legs, throwing them off the bed with your underwear. You felt his mouth latch onto your heat, swiping the tongue up and down your slick folds, causing you to fold into his touch and chase his mouth with your core blindly. Your head buried deep into the pillow to not let the whimpers coming out of you be heard anywhere beyond your bed.

Jaehyun ran his tongue up and down, extending the trail up to your ass, repeating that same action multiple times. His fingers once again found your entrance, penetrating you full force with no warning. He didn’t really need to, you were so slick, he could get himself inside of you with no issue right the same moment. “We don’t have lube, so we’ll have to stick to your pussy’s slickness and my saliva. If it’s not doing it’s thing and it hurts, just tell me, okay?”

“It won’t hurt.”

“It can, baby. Promise you won’t endure pain to make me happy.”

“I won’t.”

“Good girl.” He moved his fingers from inside of you, pressing into your butt cheeks to spread you wider. You felt stars in your eyes as Jaehyun’s tongue slipped inside of you, it was firm, so wet and warm. You chased him once again, as he tried to move away from you, sticking his tongue into your vagina while his finger pressed into your other hole, taking your mind completely off that foreign but fascinating feeling.

Your arm reached out to your husband between your legs squeezing his thigh barely reaching with your fingers. If he was still your husband, he’d know you weren’t just wanting to hold on to him. And he was, indeed, still your husband, because you could hear the shuffling, and the struggle of him trying to take his sleeping pants off with just one hand. He finally did so, moving his hips forward, until the tip of his cock fell into your open palm and you wrapped around it, pumping his tip. Jaehyun let out the loudest sigh, like he was lifting weights at the gym, trying to hold himself together. You pumped him, until he became too heavy in your hand, pressing him into your slickness just so you could feel his warm leaking head press into your longing pussy. His cock felt so painfully hard and he obviously needed to slip himself inside of you.

You swiped his tip against your slit, making both you moan with the way the swipe felt so full to the both of you, until pressing him into your ass. Letting him know you wanted him get inside of you, just a finger wasn’t enough anymore. You needed the full experience he wanted you to have.

“Wait, baby, I need to find the condom.” Jaehyun pulled back, slipping his length out of your hold.

“I’m still taking birth control?”

“It’s not about that. Didn’t I tell you, had plenty of time to work out how to do it properly. I can’t do both your ass and pussy, because bacteria can cause infections in your vagina, we can’t be doing that, can we?” You nodded, feeling Jaehyun climb back onto the bed. “I can put it on you, like when we just started dating. You liked it so much.” You haven’t put a condom on him in maybe eight years, you wanted to remember the feeling.

“It’s okay.” You heard the foil break under his teeth, “Don’t want you to move out of this position.”

“Please?” You whined, reaching a hand out between your legs once again. Only now did you realise you obediently sat in the same position, when you could’ve turned around and force his mouth onto yours.

Jaehyun slipped his tip into your fingers, the rubber material hiding the tip from your direct touch as he slightly put it on already. You wrapped your finger over him and in one swift motion rolled it all the way up, giving his balls a squeeze before moving your hand back to the base. You guided his hips closer to you, smudging the condom with your slickness, as you worked him against you. He did say you’ll need a ton of lube for that.

Jaehyun moved away, your arm going back to the pillow to give you steadiness. You stuck your butt out more, hoping it’ll make easier for the both of you. You felt a drip of his saliva fall onto your skin, felt him smothering your entrance with his cock and felt the pressure, slipping himself into you.

“Is it…not working?” You asked, confused. You felt pressure, but couldn’t even comprehend the depth of that motion.

“It’s working, just don’t strain yourself, it’ll hurt me. Is it okay?”

“It is.”

“Do you want me to touch your pussy?”

“I want to feel this properly.” You whispered, sure of the fact he slipped past the tip - it felt like more pressure than before applied. “Fuck.” You gasped.

“Want me to move away?”

“No, I might need your fingers.”

“Where?”

“Clit.” Jaehyun urgently pressed his digits into your core, massaging your completely soaking mucous. It gave you that little bit of relaxation you needed to let go and allow Jaehyun to move further, he did just that, slipping himself in.

“Can I move?” Jaehyun sighed.

“Are you deep?” You felt like he was all in, he probably wasn’t.

“Mmh, like halfway?”

“Yeah, do that.” You whimpered as he moved away, pressing himself once again. “Do more spit.” You felt his warm saliva once again drip down your skin.

“Fuck, this feels insanely tight. Like the next thrust I’m not going to be able to move back.” He gasped with each thrust and you couldn’t understand if it somehow was what he expected.

“Do you hate it?” “No, I just have a feeling this won’t last long.” You could feel Jaehyun get deeper inside of you with every thrust of his. “Fuck, baby, you’re taking this so well.” He whined into your spine. “Fuck, fuck.” He cursed under his breath, hips finally pressing against your ass. Your fingers reached out to his balls, giving them a little stimulation while Jaehyun recollected himself. “Can I do it properly?”

“You can try.” Jaehyun angled your ass, moving out of you, only to slap his hips full force into you. It didn’t feel like pain. Pressure - yes, a lot of pressure that you’ve never felt before, stretching that made your core throb. You felt so full of your husband, ready to take thrusts of any power and force. You whined under his hold, every thrust of his hips making your breath hitch, pressure under every finger of his on your waist making your back arch back in want. You physically needed him to fill you up, you couldn’t care at this point in what way, as long as he was holding you in his arms.

His little grunts were getting progressively more expressive, making him mess up the tempo every once in a while. Jaehyun pulled out, and you could tell he moved away from you with the way his palms left your skin.

You tried to switch positions, get up from your now sore arms and turn to see his face. Jaehyun caught your arms with his, looping it around and pushing you towards him. So you’d get on your ass, while being half-way hostage in his hold and have no way to move your arms around. Mid-action Jaehyun put in extra care to make sure his tip lined up with you, sliding himself right into your slickness as you landed on his thighs. Filled to the brim with him. Just him, the condom disposed before the action.

You moaned.

The sound was so raw and sudden, you were convinced every other person that wasn’t asleep in the house heard it.

“Stop clenching around me.” Jaehyun grunted into your ear, mouth pressing into your jaw. “We won’t last five minutes, sweetheart.”

“Let me move.” You whimpered, trying to raise your hips up but struggling while your arms are locked in his hold.

“Okay baby, ride me.” Jaehyun let you go, lowering his back on the mattress, palms resting against the sheets. Your fingers gripped onto his thighs, wrapping around them firmly, using them as a prop for stability, raising your hips up in the slowest motion you could muster and sinking down with that same smooth, fluid motion.

Up and down.

Another one hollowing yourself and filling up, all in that slow, almost teasing pace that helped you keep your composure. You felt your insides grip onto him in an attempt to hold back, you weren’t able to do anything about it. It was either this, or spasming around him in literal five minutes.

And you couldn’t let that happen.

You haven’t felt him like that in a year. You’d like him to fill you up for the entirety of the night.

And you knew he’d do that if you just voiced out the need.

Jaehyun’s fingers rested on your hips, his silent gesture for you to raise up the speed.

You really couldn’t. Not with the way those thrusts made his tip press exactly into your g-spot, making your stomach grow heavier by the second with pleasure.

“Baby, are you good?” Jaehyun patted your side. You were uncharacteristically quiet during the process, just your thighs meeting his, fingers gripping onto his knee. Now, that you bent a little further. Mouth letting out heavy sighs as you were building up your high.

“Good.” You whispered.

“I can help you.” Jaehyun met you half way, forcing a grunt out both you and him.

“I’m doing good.” You cried in protest.

“You are, baby. You are doing so good and it’s getting painfully hard to hold back from cuming. Watching you sink down on me is definitely my favourite show to watch, but my vision’s getting blurry.” Jaehyun’s fingers forced you down onto him roughly as he buckled his hips into yours once again. “Can I help us both? Get on your knees. Please, baby.” You almost sighed, it was probably the first time you haven’t seen his face during sex, not once felt his tongue in your mouth. And he was the man that usually said he couldn’t think of fucking any other way than missionary because he loves to see your face expressions.

Maybe he’s changed his opinion, or what has changed is his feelings.

You did as he asked bending forward, tangling your legs with his thighs and getting Jaehyun lift his hips right into you. Quick-paced thrusts that made your bed’s wood creak under pressure.

Jaehyun moved his hips up, his fingers pushing your core closer to him. The pace he moved with made you absolutely dizzy, you had no thoughts properly forming in your head except for maybe how he was using all of his core strength to chase both his and yours highs.

Your hips met his thrust half way up, helping him to pop that bubble of pressure in your stomach, until you felt yourself pool. Silent gasps and cries escaping through your mouth. Then, like a chain reaction Jaehyun’s thrust lost rhythm as your pussy gripped onto him mercilessly. You sank down feeling him spill, making slow thrusts to ride out his high.

Jaehyun stilled, letting his limbs fall off your lower back and onto the bed. Heavy breathing filling up the room.

You needed to lie down too, attempting to roll over to the side. Jaehyun didn’t let you, his arms wrapping over your waist, forcing you to fall down onto his chest. Keeping himself inside of you. “Can I have your body weight on me for a little while?” Jaehyun mumbled against your skin, mouth pressing into your shoulder.

“You can.” Your voice barely came out of your throat. “It’s the first time we’ve gotten intimate in over a year. And the first time we didn’t even take our clothes off properly.” Only now did you notice and feel, that you both had your shirts still on. You wouldn’t be too surprised if the sleeping trousers he wore weren’t properly off his body either. “First time I haven’t seen your face nor kissed your mouth. And we’ve been together for a decade. Is that supposed to mean something?” You questioned in a whisper. Jaehyun didn’t budge, it’s like he didn’t care about the emotional turmoil you were going through. “Jaehyun?” you called out his name, squeezing his forearm for a reaction.

“I’m so tired.” He let out a loud sigh into your ear, mouth pressing into your jaw. “Sorry, sweetheart, did you say something? I got knocked out under you.” He yawned, you had no emotional capacity to comprehend wether he play pretended or not. You wanted to not feel his arms press into your stomach.

You pulled onto them and freed yourself, sitting up and eventually moving away. Jaehyun let out an ‘ouch’ at your motion.

You just felt hollow, just like your heart did last few months, throwing the shorts on and hiding yourself in the bathroom.

Rebound sex seemed to be a bitch.

You dreaded to open your eyes, but you knew you had to. Your mom had a very strict policy of no sleeping past 9 am, and you weren’t sure Jaehyun got up to shower after what you did and put his underwear on. Or if he put the condom away or it was laying somewhere next to the bed.

Your mom catching up on obvious signs of you having sex last night seemed worse than facing your husband, and you opened your eyes quickly, looking over the room. Your eyes fell onto the chair, surprised to find Jaehyun sitting in it. Feet up on the cushion, eyes trained on the phone while he obviously scrolled.

Good thing he was dressed.

Though he was wearing his jeans and that made you let him know you were awake.

“Are you leaving?” Your voice sounded like you had nightmares of your husband having sex with you and handing you the divorce agreement right as you were cuming. Or did you really dream that? You needed to check your bedside table for pen and paper.

“Hm…no?” Jaehyun looked up from his phone confused. “Good morning to you too, though.”

“Why are you in your jeans at 8 am?” You frowned.

“Can’t I take a walk?”

“I’m sorry for asking.” You folded immediately. You could still feel his fingers on your thighs, you were in no place of mind to fight.

“Do you… feel okay?” He tip-toed over the topic.

“I haven’t moved a limb, don’t know.” Jaehyun dropped his phone on the floor, making you anxious with the speed he crossed the room to get on your side of the bed. “Did you throw the condom away?”

“I did, your mom’s been up since like 5:30 am. I heard her move around the house.” He gave you the weakest smile.

“I see.” You sighed, wildly awkward of Jaehyun standing above you like you were on your deathbed.

“Can you sit up?” He questioned, clearly concerned over your physical state.

“Jae-.” You had to stop a chuckle. “We had sex, it’s not like I’m going to die after that. We had sex before. A lot of times.” You would like to not think of those times to not get yourself worked up.

“Not like that though.” He gave you a brow. You wondered if he meant the physical way he did it, or your emotional state or something else.

“Is that the only thing that bothers you?” Not like, the fact we have not kissed during the process?

“That’s first priority.”

“Okay, I’m going to sit up.” You let him know, pulling yourself together to get up. Despite the tiresome state of your system. Jaehyun watched your face intently, looking for any sign of discomfort that could come.

Okay, he might’ve been right. You didn’t feel perfectly fine, you felt sore, a little pain also followed in your thighs. Nothing you couldn’t endure anyway. Jaehyun read through discomfort that showed on your face for a split second.

“See.” He sighed knowingly, walking off the bed and returning with a bag in his hand. “I got you something.” He admitted quickly, reaching his fingers into the bag. “This is an electrolyte water. Also vitamin c.” He got two bottles out of the bag, expecting you to take them, so you did. “I didn’t know if it’s better with heat or cooling - I got a heat pack and this cooling spray just in case-.”

“At the convenience store?” You asked confused, you’ve never heard of cooling sprays at convenience stores, but then again - you never looked for them.

“Yes.” He let all of the things fall onto your lap. “And this mini croissants salt bread. Thought you might like it. It’s the new product, got on market while you were away.” The baby-blue pack fell onto your lap last. You looked at everything, overwhelmed with the fact Jaehyun cared for you as much as he did before. Despite the signs earlier.

Or maybe he just wanted to be nice, patch up your bruises and get you to sign those papers while you’re touched by him?

“Thank you.” You could only muster, raising your eyes to see his face plastered with cute smile, that made both his dimples pop. He gave you a nod and turned around probably to get rid of the bag.

“Jaehyun…”

“Yes?” At the call of his name he was looking you in the eyes in a second.

“I still don’t want that divorce to happen… I didn’t come back because the project got cancelled. It got cancelled, because I said I’m going back home. I asked for their understanding a long time ago. First, they told me I needed to assimilate, that I was just home sick and thus asked to be dismissed. I agreed, stayed another month, but it wasn’t going away. That sorrow and emptiness weren’t going anywhere. I told them I’m going back, but they pleaded me to stay just another month to find a substitute. Then a month stretched into two and three. I only was able to make it back to you now. I was sick this whole time, when you first actually send me the papers, I cried the whole week. I wanted to go back immediately, and I weren’t allowed to. I really fucked us up, you were right when you said I acted like the 10 years of us didn’t matter to me… because I don’t know what the fuck I was doing. I left and realised that the life I thought I was able to live, actually was unbearable without you. How funny is that? Expected myself to kill this whole thing, return back home to you and slide into our bed like nothing happened, when I clearly hurt you, and myself. I love you so much. I’m so sorry, what’s done cannot be undone, so I guess I am signing those papers. I can’t hold you back forever, just ask your lawyer to send one more copy to our apartment.” You sobbed defeated.

“What?” Jaehyun sounded astonished, you raised your face to see him. Probably jumping in happiness.

“I said I’ll sign those papers.” You repeated to his face.

“You still want to get divorced? I thought we just had reconciliation sex and will move on?” He took multiple steps back to you.

“Huh? I thought this was a goodbye?” “And why would I go to a convenience store at 7 am then?” Jaehyun furrowed his brows even deeper.

“To get me on your good side… so I’d sign the agreement?” You told him what you took this as.

“Are you… crazy? How did I even marry a crazy lady like you.” He chuckled in clear disbelief.

“You didn’t kiss me once last night, didn’t even look me in the eyes once. What was I supposed to take this as?” It was your turn to frown.

“Me fucking you from the back like I said I was gonna to.” He exclaimed louder than intended, having you shush him with your hands immediately.

“I don’t understand, I’m sorry.”

“You’re back for forever? This is not a holiday brake, right?” Jaehyun crossed the room.

“No, I’m back for good.”

“I wanted a divorce not because I didn’t love you. I wanted a divorce because I didn’t want to hold you back here. If you were gonna settle in the US for three years, I didn’t want to be the anchor that pulled you back here. If you’re here, we should reconcile and not do the stupid thing. I love you.” He said in one quick breath.

“You do?” “Of course, sweetheart. I always will.” Jaehyun kneeled in front of your half-sitting body.

“I love you too.” You admitted quickly.

“Good, I guess now that we’re settled I can have my real kiss.” He pulled on your palms, bending your back towards him. Before his mouth could touch yours, you pulled back.

“But why? Why you didn’t kiss me last night? Can’t believe in what you said.”

“I told you when you were leaving. We are not having our last kiss. I weren’t sure, last night, that it won’t be the last time I kissed you, so I refrained. Now that I am sure, I don’t have a good reason to not do that.”

“Your brain is… insane?” You chuckled, but instead of letting him pull you down, forced him up and on top of you, sealing your mouths in the slowest twirl of your tongues.

“Mom! They’re making you more grandkids!” Your sister forced the door wide open, not giving either of you a moment to react, or to let go of each other.

“Close the door!” you growled, hiding Jaehyun’s face in the crook of your neck.

“I heard enough moans last night, can’t be listening to that while I’m having breakfast! Come on you two! Mom said breakfast’s ready. I’m giving you 45 seconds to pull your shit together or mom locks you two up to conceive that baby now!”

“Ew.” You made the loudest sound of disgust, Hyunjoo threw a towel she had in her hands towards you and closed the door. Jaehyun raised his head up looking at you with the wildest grin, face gone red as a tomato.

“She heard everything.” Jaehyun let out a low chuckle out. “I’m not going there.” He rolled over onto his back.

“You are! I’m not facing my family after what she just said on my own!”

hope you enjoyed, any feedback is highly appreciated <3

#Jaehyun fic rec #this so beautifully written!#one of the best fics ever #🌷#tulip

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jenosbliss · 2 months ago

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tried clicking fic recs in your blog... there's nothing in any link???

Hii Anon! One of my friends also faces the same issue. It works for me and some people here 😭

I’m trying to fix it but I can’t figure out what’s the issue. If anyone knows the solution pls help 🙏🏻😭

#tumblr #pls help #idk how to tag this #error #nct dream #nctzen #ari asks #anon

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jenosbliss · 2 months ago

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Umm guys… I just got an angsty idea and it’s like not even something that includes breakup or passing away.

It’s literally YEARNING and CHAOS of the HEART! THE DESPERATION! THE REGRET! INSECURITY! RIGHT PERSON WRONG TIME! The speed I jotted down the thoughts was insane.

I still have to post the Jeno Rom-Com fic and have already started working on a Jeno/Renjun fic but oh god this is like insane!

I was thinking of Mark for this one but should I write it for some other member? 👀

#nct dream #nct #Jeno #angst #fuckkkkkkk I should be studying for my physics exam but look what I am doing!!!#by the way it’s based on real life :(#TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS PLIZZ #ari rants

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jenosbliss · 2 months ago

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💔⌇ nct dream! and the reasons for your breakup

a/n. each member's part is around 450-500 words. you might find similar themes in some members' parts and it's because i didn't want to add themes like infidelity or anger... i didn't want to portray them bad.

MARK. Loving Mark felt like chasing stardust — beautiful, electric, and impossible to hold. He lit up rooms, stages, your heart. His energy was magnetic, his passion inspiring, and every word he said made you feel like you were the only person in the universe who mattered. But the problem was… the universe kept pulling him away.

He didn’t do it on purpose. You knew that. His intentions were golden. Every spare second he had, he gave to you — voice notes from hotel balconies, tired “I miss you” texts sent at 3 a.m. after rehearsals. Sometimes you’d wake up to a photo of the sunrise from wherever he was, captioned, “Wish you were here.”

But wishes don’t keep you warm. Wishes don’t show up to dinner. Wishes don’t hold your hand when you need someone to say, “I’m here, and I’m staying.”

You were always understanding. Always patient. You cheered for him when he debuted. You held back tears when he said, “I’ll only be gone a week,” and then another tour got scheduled. Another interview. Another album. And every time, you smiled and said, “It’s okay,” even though it wasn’t. Not really.

You missed the version of love that existed in presence — not just in promises. You missed seeing his shoes by the door. Hearing his laugh echo down the hallway. The way he used to fall asleep mid-conversation, your head on his chest.

One afternoon, you both found a pocket of time. A sliver of stillness between his chaos and your quiet. He sat beside you on a park bench, fingers barely brushing yours. The sun filtered through the trees, casting golden shadows, and for a moment, it felt like you were in a memory.

“I think about you all the time,” he said, turning toward you. His voice cracked like he knew it wasn’t enough. “But you’re never with me, Mark,” you whispered. You weren’t angry. Just tired. “You give me pieces of yourself when you can, and I’m grateful. But I need someone who can give me time. Not just thoughts.”

He looked at you with glassy eyes, his lips parting like he wanted to say something — maybe everything. But nothing came. Just silence. Just the weight of a boy who had too much to carry and didn’t know how to make space for more.

“I wanted to give you everything,” he said at last. “All I ever wanted was you.” And that’s when it broke. The understanding. The sacrifice. The waiting. You realized you were loving someone who was constantly in motion, and you were standing still.

You leaned in, kissed his cheek softly, and let your hand slide from his. He didn’t stop you.

Sometimes love isn’t about what you feel. It’s about what you have time to show.

RENJUN. You never doubted Renjun cared. He showed it in subtle ways — the extra dumpling saved for you, the playlist he made but never told you was inspired by your favorite books, the way he knew your coffee order down to the number of ice cubes. But affection isn't the same as vulnerability. Love, without expression, without depth, starts to feel hollow. And with Renjun, it always felt like there was a door locked behind his eyes, and no matter how close you got, he never let you all the way in.

You’d talk about your day, your dreams, your fears — and he’d listen. He was always a good listener. But when you asked, “And what about you?” he’d deflect. A shrug. A small laugh. “I’m fine,” he’d say, every time. And at first, you believed him. Until “fine” became a wall. Until the silence between his words began to echo louder than anything he said.

You wanted to understand him. God, you tried. You stayed up late on the nights he seemed withdrawn, gently nudging, asking if he was okay. He’d nod. You’d wait. But he never said more. You began to feel like you were in a one-sided conversation, always reaching, always giving, and never quite receiving.

He wasn’t cruel. That’s what made it so confusing. He wasn’t mean, wasn’t distant in the traditional sense. He held your hand in public. He remembered the small things. He kissed your forehead like it meant something. But you couldn’t help but feel… alone, even when he was right next to you.

One night, you sat together in the living room. He had returned from a recording session. You watched him from the couch, arms wrapped around your knees, unsure how to say what was building in your chest.

“I feel like I don’t really know you,” you said quietly. He froze for a second — not in anger, not in defense. Just… sadness. He sat beside you, his expression unreadable.

“I don’t know how to let people in,” he admitted, eyes cast downward. “It’s not that I don’t want to. It just feels… hard. Like if I open up too much, everything will fall apart.” You reached out, brushing your fingers over his knuckles. “I’ve never asked you to be perfect. I just wanted you to be real with me.”

He sighed, the sound filled with years of carefully buried emotion. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I think,” you whispered, barely able to get the words out, “you already have.” He didn’t argue. He didn’t cry. He just nodded, slow and tired, as if he’d known this was coming all along. You stood, heart breaking and strangely relieved, and left the room without looking back.

Sometimes the deepest wounds come not from cruelty, but from absence — from what’s never said, never shared, never allowed to bloom.

JENO. With Jeno, love felt calm — steady, secure, like resting your head on his shoulder after a long day and knowing he’d sit with you in silence until the world slowed down. He made you feel safe, not with words, but with the way he walked on the traffic side of the road or remembered to bring you water when you stayed up too late. He was gentle, dependable — the kind of person you could build a life with.

At least, that’s what you thought.

But every time the conversation shifted to “us,” something shifted in him. You weren’t asking for grand declarations or rings. Just plans. Vacations you might take. A future apartment. The kind of small promises that turn into a shared life. But every time you said “someday,” he pulled back. A subtle change — the way he looked away, or cracked a joke, or said “Let’s not think too far ahead.”

And maybe at first, you brushed it off. Everyone moves at their own pace, right? But it kept happening. Every question about “later” was answered with “I don’t know.” Every time you hinted at moving forward, you felt like you were tugging at someone whose feet were firmly planted in the now.

One night, you were lying in bed beside him. The room was dark except for the soft glow of his phone charging on the nightstand. You were both staring at the ceiling, and something in the quiet made your heart ache.

“Do you ever think about what this could look like in a year?” you asked. He was quiet for too long. “I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep,” he said finally.

You turned your head. “I’m not asking for a proposal. I’m asking if you even see a future with me.” He sighed. “I just… don’t want to feel trapped.”

That word — trapped — hit like a slap. “I’m not a cage, Jeno.”

“I know,” he whispered quickly. “It’s not you. It’s just… me. I get scared thinking too far ahead. I don’t want to hurt you by saying something now and not being able to follow through.”

You sat up, the weight in your chest too heavy to lie under. “I’m not asking you to figure it all out tonight. But I can’t be the only one imagining what comes next.”

He reached for your hand — careful, gentle, like he didn’t want to break anything. “I’m trying.” You looked at his fingers wrapped around yours. So much affection. So little intention.

“I know you are,” you said softly. “But I need more than trying. I need someone who chooses to grow with me.”

And in that moment, you realized he wasn’t that person. Not now. Maybe not ever.

HAECHAN. With Haechan, everything felt alive. He was laughter in the dead of night, spontaneity in the middle of a crowded street, the kind of person who could find magic in the most ordinary things. Being with him meant constant adventure — midnight drives with no destination, dancing in empty parking lots, plans made on a whim because “why not?”

And you loved that about him. At first.

But as the months slipped by, you found yourself aching for something steadier. Not just the fireworks — but the slow burn after. You wanted lazy Sunday mornings, not just adrenaline-fueled Saturdays. You wanted a home, not just another place to crash after the next big thrill.

He lived moment to moment. You were trying to build a future. You tried to tell yourself you could meet in the middle — that eventually, the chaos would slow, and you could build something real together. But Haechan was the storm and the sunshine, never meant to be tethered.

One night, walking downtown, the city buzzing around you, you tried to bring it up — the idea of later. Maybe an apartment together. Maybe just a vacation planned more than a week in advance. Anything.

“I don’t want to slow down,” he said, spinning in the streetlights, his arms wide, a boy made of dreams and light. “And I don’t want to chase someone who won’t stay,” you said, the words catching in your throat.

He stopped spinning, looking at you like you had just drawn a line between you he hadn’t seen before. There was a sadness in his eyes — deep, almost childlike. “I’m scared if I stop moving, I’ll lose everything that makes me who I am.”

You reached for his hand. “You don’t have to stop being you. I’m just asking if you ever see yourself… staying. Building something. With me.” He squeezed your fingers, so tightly it almost hurt. “I wish I could be the person you need.”

“I know,” you whispered. “I love you anyway.” And that was the truth. You loved every wild, unpredictable piece of him. But love, you realized, isn’t always enough when your dreams are running in opposite directions.

When you let go of his hand, he didn’t pull you back. You kissed him — one last time, one last burst of color in a life that had been painted too brightly to last — and walked away under the city lights that had once felt like your stars.

Haechan watched you go, arms limp at his sides, the boy who couldn’t stand still finally realizing that sometimes, the most important thing isn’t moving forward.

It’s staying. But by then, it was too late.

JAEMIN. At first, Jaemin felt like a dream. He was soft-spoken, thoughtful, always one step ahead — anticipating your needs before you voiced them. He made you laugh, picked up on your moods like second nature, and supported every decision you made without hesitation. He was your biggest fan. But eventually, that unshakable support began to feel… empty.

“Where do you want to eat?” you asked one night, scrolling through menus. “Wherever you like,” he smiled. You paused. “No, really. What are you craving?” He hesitated, then shrugged. “I’ll eat whatever you choose.”

It was the same with everything. Movies. Vacations. Even serious conversations. He agreed with you so easily, so readily, it stopped feeling like agreement and started feeling like absence. You started to wonder: Did he have opinions? Desires? Boundaries? Or was he just reflecting yours back to you like a mirror?

The worst part was knowing his intentions were pure. He wasn’t hiding anything malicious. He simply wanted to keep the peace, to keep you. But relationships aren’t built on harmony alone. They need friction — honesty — depth. And Jaemin, for all his warmth, had become someone you couldn’t fully see.

One evening, you sat together on your tiny balcony, wrapped in shared silence and the soft rustle of leaves in the breeze. He handed you a mug of tea — chamomile, your favorite — and smiled, as always.

“I’ve been thinking,” you said, breaking the quiet. “Do you ever say no to me?” His smile faltered. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I know,” you said gently. “But I want you to be happy too. And I don’t know what that looks like when you’re always saying yes to everything I say.”

He looked down at his mug, the steam curling around his face like a shield. “I guess… I’m scared. That if I disagree, if I show too much of myself, you won’t like it. You’ll leave.”

You reached for his hand, squeezed it softly. “But if I never get to see the real you… aren’t I already with someone who’s not fully there?”

That’s when it hit — the truth neither of you wanted to say out loud. You loved each other, yes. But love without authenticity is like a house with no foundation. Eventually, it crumbles.

You kissed his cheek, and it lingered — a quiet thank you, a final kindness. “Be yourself for someone. Even if it’s not me.” And he nodded, not protesting, not fighting. Just letting go.

Because maybe saying “yes” too often had cost him the one person he wanted to stay.

CHENLE. It didn’t happen all at once. That was the hardest part to explain. There was no fight, no betrayal, no moment where you looked at Chenle and thought, This is it. It was a slow drift — so slow, in fact, that for a while, you didn’t even notice it was happening.

You used to talk for hours. About music, about dreams, about what you’d do if the world ended tomorrow. You shared inside jokes and playlists, late-night snack runs and stupid dancing in your pajamas. With him, everything used to feel light — like life had more color.

But lately, it had dulled.

He still smiled at you the same way. Still kissed your forehead when you passed by him in the hallway. But your conversations had started to shrink. Texts became replies, not initiations. Your laughter no longer echoed the same way.

One evening, sitting across from him in the café you both used to love, you realized you were halfway through your drink and neither of you had said anything for five full minutes.

You looked up. “Do you feel it too?” He met your gaze — not startled, just… sad. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “I don’t know when it started.”

“I think it started when we stopped learning about each other,” he said. “We just… settled into a routine.”

You nodded. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Maybe that’s what made it worse. Because if one of you had done something wrong, there’d be someone to blame. But there wasn’t. Just two people who used to orbit the same sun, and now found themselves spinning in opposite directions.

“I still care about you,” he added. “So much.”

“I know,” you whispered. “And I care about you.” He reached for your hand, his thumb brushing softly over your skin. It didn’t feel passionate, or electrifying, or painful. It felt like goodbye.

“I’ll always root for you,” he said. “Whatever you do, wherever you go.” You smiled, blinking back the sting in your eyes. “Same for you.”

There was love in this moment — undeniable, quiet, enduring. But love isn’t always enough to hold people together. Not when growth pulls them apart.

When you left the café, you didn’t cry. Not right away. Instead, you walked slowly through the city, replaying every beautiful moment you’d ever had with him. You let yourself feel it all — the beginnings, the magic, and now, the end.

Some relationships don’t end with a bang or a wound. Some end with a whisper, a sigh, a knowing. You’d been growing. So had he. Just… not in the same direction.

JISUNG. With Jisung, love felt young — tender and careful, like a secret the world hadn’t fully discovered yet. There was innocence in the way he looked at you, like you were a marvel he wasn’t quite sure he deserved. He admired you, adored you. You saw it in the way he reached for your hand in crowded places or quietly tucked a note into your bag just because he thought you needed a smile. You cherished that sweetness.

But over time, sweetness gave way to suspicion.

It started subtly. The slight pause before he asked, “Who were you texting?” The quick scroll through your social media likes. The way he’d grow quiet after you mentioned hanging out with an old friend — especially if it was a guy. You brushed it off, at first. Everyone gets insecure sometimes, right?

But it kept growing. He started clinging tighter after you posted pictures without him. His compliments became layered with questions. “You look amazing in that outfit… Did anyone say something to you today?” You could feel the trust cracking beneath the surface of every word.

“I trust you,” he told you one night, arms wrapped around you under the covers. “But you don’t trust anyone around me,” you said softly, staring up at the ceiling. He stayed silent.

You turned toward him. “I can’t keep explaining that you’re the only one I want.” His eyes shimmered with that familiar vulnerability. “I’m scared. What if you wake up one day and realize you want someone better, smarter, more… confident?”

You took his hand in yours. “I’ve never asked you to be perfect, Jisung. Just secure enough in what we have. I can’t keep proving I love you. That’s not what love is.”

He blinked, and for a moment, you thought he might fight for this. That he’d finally trust what was between you. But all he said was, “I don’t know how to stop feeling like I’m going to lose you.”

And maybe he already had.

The next time it happened — the jealousy, the tight-lipped silence, the tension that filled the room after a harmless mention of someone else — you felt something inside you shift. You weren’t angry. You were just tired. Tired of defending something that should’ve stood strong on its own.

It was raining when you finally said the words. You stood in his doorway, his hoodie pulled over your head, the sleeves still a little too long. “I love you,” you said. “But this isn’t love anymore. It’s fear. And I can’t build a future with fear.”

His eyes widened, lips parting as if to stop you — but he didn’t. He stood frozen, raindrops framing your silhouette like a memory that would haunt him later.

You stepped forward, wrapped your arms around him, and held him close. He trembled in your embrace. And then you let go.

Some heartbreaks aren’t loud. They’re soft. Fragile. A whispered surrender.

a/n. reblogs, comments and asks are appreciated! please tell me your opinions on this one.

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jenosbliss · 2 months ago

Text

🍃 nct dream! teaching you how to drive

MARK. “Wait, WAIT! BRAKE!” he yells, even though your foot hasn’t left the brake pedal. “Are you kidding me?! I’m barely moving!” you yell back, throwing him an incredulous look. “Better safe than sorry!” he defends himself, clutching the door handle like it might save his life. “Relax, it’s an empty parking lot. There’s literally no one here!” You groan, rolling your eyes as you attempt to ease the car forward a couple of inches. “That’s what they want you to think!” he counters, pointing out an imaginary threat. “What if a kid runs out? Or a squirrel? Or a—a runaway shopping cart?”

“Are you listening to yourself right now?!” you ask, exasperated. He gasps when you accelerate—by a whopping three miles per hour. “You’re going too fast! Too fast!” By the end of the lesson, you’re ready to scream. But when you stop the car, he lets out the deepest sigh of relief and pats your hand. “Okay, that wasn’t too bad,” he says shakily. “Same time tomorrow?” “No,” you deadpan. “Never again.”

RENJUN. “Didn’t I just tell you to go into first gear before the speed bump?” He pinches the bridge of his nose like he’s holding himself back from losing it entirely. “I was going to!” you snap back, already regretting asking him to teach you. “You don’t have to keep reminding me every five seconds!” He scoffs. “I wouldn’t have to remind you if you actually listened the first time!” You glare at him, hitting the brakes just a little too hard to spite him. He lurches forward, gripping the dashboard. “What the hell, babe?! Brake gently! GENTLY!”

“Maybe if you weren’t micromanaging me like I’m a toddler—” he cuts you off, throwing his hands in the air. “You’re driving like a toddler!” It’s a full-blown argument by the time you park the car, both of you red-faced. But when you finally sit in silence, you see the tension leave his face. He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Okay… sorry for nagging. I just… I don’t want you to get hurt.” You soften, though you still can’t resist muttering, “Could’ve fooled me with all the yelling.”

JENO. “Alright, just take your time,” he says, his voice soft and steady. “There’s no rush. We’re just practicing.” You glance over nervously. “Are you sure? I don’t want to mess this up.” Placing a reassuring hand on your knee, He says. ““Hey, you’ve got this. Everyone starts somewhere.” His calm demeanor helps you relax, and soon you’re moving through an empty lot, following his simple instructions. “Okay, now turn the wheel a little more… perfect. See? You’re a natural.”

When you accidentally brake too hard, he chuckles, but there’s no judgment. “It’s alright. It happens. Just remember to ease into it next time.” By the end of the session, you’re smiling, and he’s looking at you like you hung the moon. “I’m proud of you,” he says, leaning over to kiss your cheek. “Next lesson? Parallel parking.” You groan, but he just laughs. “Don’t worry, we’ll get there.”

HAECHAN. “You’re doing so great, babe. Honestly, better than me when I was learning,” he says, practically glowing with pride. “Thanks,” you mumble, though you’re painfully aware of how clunky your turns are. But the moment someone honks at you for taking too long at a stop sign, he’s out for blood. “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” he shouts, leaning halfway out the window. “SHE’S A LEARNING DRIVER, YOU JERK!”

“Oh my god, stop!” you hiss, mortified, pulling him back into his seat. “No, they need to respect you!” He crosses his arms, glaring at the car as it drives away. “Unbelievable. Don’t let them get to you, okay? You’re perfect. You’re amazing. You’re basically a driving prodigy.” You cringe when he starts clapping as you make a slow turn. “Wow, look at you go! That was flawless!”

“Can you not?” you ask, your face hot with embarrassment. “What? I’m just showing my support!” By the end, you’re ready to crawl under the dashboard, but at least he’s smiling like you’ve won a race.

JAEMIN. “Wow. That was amazing,” he says after you manage to turn onto a quiet street. “You’re exaggerating,” you mutter, but he shakes his head. “No, seriously! You’re so good at this. I mean, I knew you’d be great, but this is next level.” When you accidentally swerve too close to the curb, he calmly says, “That’s okay. Just pull back a little. You’re still doing awesome.”

“You don’t have to sugarcoat it,” you grumble. “I’m not sugarcoating!” he insists. “I’m being honest. You’re learning super fast.” By the end of the lesson, you’re feeling more confident, even if you know you have a long way to go. “See? I told you you’d be a natural,” he says, grinning. “I’m so proud of you.” You roll your eyes, but you can’t help smiling. “Thanks, I guess.”

CHENLE. “Yeah, yeah, just, uh… hit the gas,” he says, barely looking up from his phone. You shoot him an annoyed glare. “Do you even know what you’re doing?” “Of course,” he replies, scrolling through something. “Just keep going straight. You’re fine.” You huff but keep driving, your grip on the wheel tightening when he starts texting someone. “Are you serious right now?!”

“What?” he says, glancing up. “You’re doing great!” “You haven’t even looked at the road!” He finally puts his phone down, giving you a lazy smile. “Babe, you’ve got this. I trust you.” “Then why did I even bother asking you to teach me?!” you snap. By the time you park the car, he’s still nonchalant. “See? Told you didn’t need me.” You glare at him. “Next time, I’m asking literally anyone else.”

JISUNG. “Are you sure you know which pedal is the brake?” he asks, wide-eyed, as you start the car. “Yes!” you reply, exasperated. “I’ve seen people drive before, you know.” He doesn’t look convinced, gripping the door handle like it might fly off. “Okay, just… go slow. Really slow. Like, turtle speed.” You ease forward, and he winces. “Too fast! TOO FAST!”

“We’re going five miles per hour!” you shout, shooting him an annoyed look. “Yeah, and that’s plenty fast! Do you know how much damage a car can do at five miles per hour?!” You sigh, trying to ignore his panicked muttering as you turn a corner. He lets out a yelp when you brake at a stop sign. “Oh my god, we’re going to die,” he says dramatically. “Relax, we’re fine!” you snap. He glances at you, then at the road, then back at you. “I think I need a drink after this.” “Join the club,” you mutter.

a/n. please leave asks or comments about your opinions! let’s talk!!

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jenosbliss · 2 months ago

Text

reading between the lines ✦ jeno

pairing: collegestudent!literatureprodigy!jeno x afab!collegestudent!scienceandmathgenius!reader

summary: jeno was the biggest problem you've ever had to solve, but for him you weren't quite an open book either.

w.c: 9.4k

warnings: mdni 18+, MATH, i did so much research i feel like i need to cite my sources, thank you quizlet, angst, hurt and comfort, frenemies to lovers, fluff, jeno and y/n argue a lot and yell at each other, teasing, misunderstandings, YEARNING, kissing, make-ups and confessions, plot WITH porn, love making very intimate, hard with feelings and refuse to listen to each other, unprotected sex (i better not catch y'all doing this), praising, crying, begging, groveling, pet names (baby), oral (f receiving), creampie (YUM), softdomtop!jeno (just as god intended), crack/humor, scientific talk because smart (i never took bio in college), if i forgot anything pls lmk. reblogs and feedback appreciated ♡ fiction ≠ reality

‘WHAT’ you gasped, not noticing you had barked it out until everyone turned around and glared at you.

‘i’m sorry?...’ your professor had stopped everyone to bring attention back, she gave you a quizzical look, ‘is there a problem?’

you shook your head, still surprised by your sudden outburst, ‘n-no, i apologize’ you hung your head in shame, red blooming on your cheeks from embarrassment. you had been dreading today, your world literature 1 professor had told you all a week ago that you would be paired up with a partner for your first project. your major in biology and minor in actuarial mathematics required some literature classes to help with ‘scientific writing and understanding’ as your advisor put it. so you figured world literature 1 was the easiest choice, it turned out to actually be hell on earth. your weakest subject was english and literature, you were never a reader growing up unless it was about different sciences, but you always opted for documentaries and videos than reading. growing up, you’d always dread english class, anxiously waiting for whatever science and math class you could have next.

when you tell people that your favorite subject is math and then science they would laugh and usually end it with an ‘i wish’, that was your english and history, you wish you could understand it better, but it always seemed impossible. what you were least expecting was getting paired with the best literature student you knew, jeno. he annoyed you at times, acting like a pretentious asshole going around and quoting shakespeare and some other century-dead author. when you went and quoted pythagroas near him it was now apparently a problem, you two bickered back and forth in class during group introductions about greek philosophers for almost an hour, debating if aristotle was more of a math genius or a linguistics expert.

after the heated discussion, jeno told you ‘i love a good debate, you have some crazy opinions though’ he ended up giving you his phone number. it was only the first week of classes, your first ‘friend’(?), you texted him that night, but no response came. the next week you were struggling with questions your professor had given you all to go with a reading.

you texted jeno:

‘hey is this correct? *PICTURE ATTACHED*

his response chimed on your phone five minutes later:

‘no’

and that was the only response you got, no help, no explanation, you didn’t even know what was wrong with your answer to begin with. fuck this, you ended up calling him, to your surprise he answered with a ‘what?’

you didn’t mean to blow up on him, but it just came out, ‘why can’t you be nice to me for one second and help me with this student homework?’

he sighed, making your ear vibrate with the sound, ‘take back what you said and i’ll help you’

you grumbled but obliged, ‘this homework and reading is not stupid, now please help me’

you guys ended up talking on the phone for almost two hours, discussing different themes from the reading, mostly arguing about who was right, but in the end jeno helped you get answers that were good enough. he talked you through the questions and the actual themes of the reading, the elements, and showed you how to better analysis pieces of literature. you were eternally grateful but absolutely mortified at the same time.

after that phone call, you were psyched, finally finding someone that could help you pass. you were always the person in math classes that everyone went to, you didn’t have to be that person for others anymore. although you remember all the emotional baggage and difficulty when trying to help others study and understand formulas, you wouldn’t ask much of jeno, only when you really needed it.

two weeks ago you found him in the library, doing homework with books scattered around him. the first thing you noticed were glasses that he had never worn before, big frames making his eyes look much bigger in such a cute way. you figured if you asked he wouldn’t mind if you joined him, and you figured that if you asked in an even nicer way, he could help you with the literature homework.

‘hey jeno!’ you greeted him, walking up to his table, he looked up, pink lips still in a straight line, ‘would you mind if i joined you?’

‘i guess not’ he shrugged and moved some of his books out of the way for you, now sitting across from him you smiled slightly and got out your own homework. abstract algebra was your favorite class so far this semester, you never thought getting homework would make you so giddy. you couldn’t believe some people found it excruciating, while it was just a ‘fun activity’ for you. you and jeno continue work in silence, you would steal glances every once in a while, his eyes scanning over the paper as he scribbled down notes and highlight sentences. eyebrows knitting together and whispering out words in order to analyze everything perfectly. you thought it was cute, his lips would curl up into a smile after every question got answered. sitting in front of him, you could see the perfect slope of his nose, his broad shoulders slouched as he leaned into the desk, his large hand brushing his black hair back sporadically. the golden ratio had nothing on him.

not long after the trance jeno left you in, you finished your math homework and now it was time for your enemy: literature. you looked up and glanced at jeno who was writing notes down, ‘hey’ he lifted his head, ‘do you think you could help me with this?’ you motioned down to the paper in front of you, he followed and noticed your blank page compared to his one that was filled.

‘did you even try?’ he questioned, ‘it looks like you haven’t even started’

‘well’ you started with a sheepish smile, ‘i did do the reading, but i could barely understand any of it’

he sighed, his hands reaching under his glasses so he could rub his eyes, ‘okay, and what part did you not understand?’

you grabbed your packet of papers and flipped until you found the sentence, reading out loud, ‘his sense of her inferiority—of its being a degradation—of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit’, you looked up at him, offering the best pleading eyes you could muster.

he slightly rolled his eyes, ‘so, basically darcy should put away his pride of being in a higher ranking than elizabeth, but he cares more about her status than love. even while he is proposing, he still looks down on elizabeth and wants her to feel grateful that he is even considering her as a wife’

‘oh, i never thought of it that way’ you mumbled, looking down at your paper again.

‘don’t they teach you stuff like this in high school? god, i fear for your grade when we actually have to read and analyze a whole book and not just passages for exercises’

the sentence was a stab to the heart, taken aback you said nothing as shame burned through your body. growing up you’d have teachers, friends, and your parents comment on your lack of understanding for english and literature, but you’ve never heard a remark like this. it cut deep, you opened and closed your mouth, unable to give an actual response, incapable of making any snide comeback, you gathered your things, got up and walked away from him. before he started to see the tears that made its way down your face.

you avoided jeno as much as you could, you sat nowhere near him in your shared class, never looked in his direction in the courtyard and started taking different routes to other classes. it was working out great for the most part, that was until he had transferred into your biology ‘unity of life’ class three weeks into the semester, at the very last minute of course. rumors were going around that a lot of students had transferred out of his previous one due to it ‘being too hard’ and that the professor ‘was a nightmare’ and he needed a natural science requirement for his major, secondary education if you could remember correctly.

seeing him walk through the door of one of your favorite classes was a different type of personal hell, and you were having a great day so far. you softly groaned, trying to resist the urge to roll your eyes in annoyance. your desk partner seemed to catch on, jaemin turned to you, ‘whats wrong? forgot to do last nights homework?’

you turned towards him, ‘never, i was so excited for this assignment, i finished all the questions as soon as i got home… it’s just… that guy, the one who just walked in’ you glanced back to his lab table, jaemin followed with his eyes, ‘i’m in his literature class and he’s nothing but an egomaniac, basically called me dumb for not understand some passage from a book’

the blond haired boy frowned, ‘he might know some books, but wait until he gets a taste of a real challenge, he transferred too late into the semester, he’s fucked’. your lips twitched up into a smile. you met jaemin the first day of class, introducing himself as a veterinarian science major with a minor in biology. you two became quick friends after you got him coffee one morning, you ended up with two cups after the cafe got your first order wrong. he was nothing but thankful, long discussions in class that lead to topics that never related to science. you got to know him pretty well, often texting and meeting up for study groups with other students from class, you both always paired up in class whenever prompted.

‘that’s fair, would be satisfying to watch him struggle’ you whispered.

he giggled, ‘god you sound like such a sadist’

the professor pulled up his notes as he prepared for the beginning of class, ‘takes one to know one’

you opened your notebook to the current lesson: the cytoskeleton. the professor went through the slideshow while you happily took notes on cells and its structure and stabilities within the cytoplasm. once the professor was done with the lecture, he started asking students questions, seeing if they were paying attention.

‘okay, now what is a delicate coil held together by hydrogen bonding between every fourth amino acid?’ he looks over his roster of students, ‘jeno! why don’t you answer this for us’

on cue, everyone turned to watch him, his head shot up from his notebook in surprise. he obviously looked unprepared, hands nervously pushing his bangs back. ‘oh… um, i don’t know i’m sorry professor, i transferred late into this class and still need to catch up’ his hair looked wild as the tips of his ears shone a bright red.

the poor professor sighed, ‘does anyone want to help jeno out?’

you immediately shot up your hand, ‘y/n?’

you smiled dramaticly, before another breathe you answered, ‘alpha helix’

‘yes, thats correct! great job y/n… now you all need to pay attention, this will be on our first exam coming up in two weeks’ he went on about amino acids and different elements. jaemin leaned into you, ‘nice’ he whispered, a smile on his face. yeah, that would show jeno what you could do.

you peeked back at jeno who whispered ‘two weeks!?’ to himself looking distressed, you felt a pang in your heart. perhaps it wasn’t fair, stuff like this was never taught in secondary school science classes, obviously he was going to struggle. you weren’t going to seek him out and offer help though, he knew science and arithmetic were your strong suits, it was his turn to come running, beg for forgiveness and ask for help.

speak of the asshole, and it shall fart, jeno texted you later that night.

‘hey…’ you scoffed, the audacity of this guy, you resisted the urge to text him back a ‘you should know this already right?’

you texted back a simple ‘what?’

he immediately answered, ‘do you think you could help me with this bio homework and maybe study together for the exam ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡’. shameless.

giving him the benefit of the doubt, you relented. maybe it was an off day for him, ‘i guess, meet me in the library tomorrow, and we’ll start’ he hearted the message and that was the end of the conversation.

you woke up early the next day, grabbing every notebook you had kept over the years that could help jeno. you texted him right after noon, ‘this is an all day affair, meet me in an hour and bring me a caramel macchiato. don’t be late, pride & prejudice wasn’t written in a day’ he liked the message as a response. you left your dorm and headed to the library, setting up a space for a long study session. jeno comes right on time, with two coffees in his hand.

he places the bigger cup down in front of you, ‘large caramel macchiato, with extra caramel, extra vanilla, and extra drizzle’

you look up at him and give him a modest smile, grabbing the drink and taking a sip from the straw and swirling the ice around the cup, ‘thank you, lets get started’ he nodded and pulled out the chair next to you and sat down.

you got out all your notebooks, his eyes widened making you giggle, ‘jesus christ dude, how many notebooks do you have for this class?’

‘well, not all of them are from this class, i brought some from previous classes that i think could help you’ you handed over a stack of notes, which he begrudgingly took. ‘okay, now lets get started…’

you two had spent hours discussing carbohydrates, cellulose, and enzymes. sometimes arguing back and forth about answers, ‘okay so, a system of membranes that modifies and packages proteins for export by the cell?’ you asked jeno as he flipped through his notes.

‘um… integrins?’ he answered, totally unsure of himself in the process.

you smiled, ‘not quite, its the golgi apparatus, integrins are cell-surface receptor proteins… crazy how you don’t remember this from basic biology classes…’ you mumbled the last part.

but of course he still caught it, ‘what was that?’

you shrugged your shoulders, ‘i mean we learn about cells and stuff in secondary school… everyone knows that the golgi apparatus is the packaging and distribution center of the cells, i mean everyone talks about how the mitochondria is the power house of the cell, is that the only thing you remember from biology?’

his eyebrows shot up in surprise, ‘oh? so that's what this is about?’ he smirked, ‘you’re still upset about what i said last week aren’t you?’

your gaze diverted from his line of sight, thankful you wore your hair down this morning so he wouldn’t see the pink burning on the tips of your ears. ‘no… i’m just saying’

‘...saying almost the same exact thing i said?’ jeno smiled, and his eyes turned into crescent moons, happy that he caught you in the act, ‘understandable… well, uh, if you help me, i’ll help you’

you crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes at him, ‘not until you apologize, not everyone can be as good as you in literature’

‘okay, i’m sorry, you are a genius in math and science, now please agree’ jeno pleaded.

‘fine’ you answered.

another week passed and jeno finally felt comfortable taking the exam, on the other hand your literature professor started talking about a project for that class. jeno reassured you that he would help you in the best way he could, he helped you with literary analysis, notations, and rhetoric. you ended up getting an 85% percent on the most recent homework, excited to show jeno you made your way to the classroom.

‘so, jeno, i’ve been seeing you hanging out with that y/n person in our class’ you stopped before the entrance to the classroom, ‘they literally know nothing about literature and refuse to learn, how could you put yourself through that?’

‘oh, well, um, i don’t know, i’m just helping them with some stuff’ jeno answered. you peeked inside, he was with two other students, a girl and a boy, sitting together in a group.

‘must be pretty frustrating, i don’t know why they are even in this class, fucking moron, am i right?’ the girl responded and you could hear the others, but jeno, laugh.

you could feel your heart break as your mind begin to buzz. eyes watered, and you thought back to your discussion with jaemin, of course you guys were poking fun at jeno too, but nothing this extreme. ‘i mean, i guess one could think that, but everything about th-’ you couldn’t listen anymore, turned your heels and stormed off. stopping at the end of the hallway to through your graded paper away in anger and humiliation. after everything you both did for each other, it made your blood boil in anger and betrayal, you had to get back home. you paced to your dorm, keeping your head down so no one would notice you and your state of mind right now. skipping one literature class wouldn’t hurt.

so it did, and now here you are, sitting in your literature class with the professor reading out the pairings for the first project. for the rest of the week and over the weekend, you had ignored jeno’s texts and calls, you decided you were finally done with his games. ‘y/n and jeno’ the professor read out to the class.

‘WHAT’ you gasped, not noticing you had barked it out until everyone turned around and glared at you.

‘i’m sorry?...’ your professor had stopped everyone to bring attention back, she gave you a quizzical look, ‘is there a problem?’

you shook your head, still surprised by your sudden outburst, ‘n-no, i apologize’ you hung your head in shame, red blooming on your cheeks from embarrassment.

your professor nodded and resumed her list of partners, after she announced to the class, ‘now sit with your partners and discuss what you all want to do for your projects for the rest of class’

you groaned, you weren’t ready to face jeno yet, you probably never would be. you never wanted to see or speak to him ever again, you shuffled to his seat, taking your time to get over to him and sit down.

‘hey’ he said, ‘you’ve been ignoring me this whole week, whats up?’

fake ass bitch, you thought, he didn’t care, ‘nothing, just not a good week i guess’

he frowned, ‘damn, well, if it makes you feel better, i got a 90% on my first bio exam!’ he beamed, ‘so at least now you know your hard work is paying off’

‘that’s great, glad you’ve been getting at least something out of this’ you deadpanned.

he gave you a quizzical look, but decided to drop the subject, ‘so, for the project i was thinking about covering the tenant of wildfell hall’

you literally didn’t care and let him pick whatever, ‘yeah that’s fine’

his eyes narrowed, giving you a weird look again, ‘okay… so, the book has themes of double standards, religion, morality, and love. i can send you passages that we can cover for our project…’. jeno went on for the next thirty minutes with only little nods and comments from you, agreeing to anything he had to suggest. all you wanted to do was leave, once the professor dismissed class that's what you did, picking up your backpack and storming off with jeno still talking.

you rushed down the hallway, ignoring the calls coming from jeno behind you. with his crazy athletic built he eventually caught up to you, grabbed your shoulder and spun you around. you gazed up at him, he stared down at you, looking for any answer he could find. ‘what is your problem? i thought you’d be happy we were paired up?’ he started interrogating you.

you sighed, almost giving up, ‘jeno, can we just meet up later and talk about it? i’m exhausted right now’

he sighed and his hands fell from your shoulders, ‘i’ll text you’ he nodded, and you turned around and left. once at your dorm you threw your backpack to the side and climbed into your bed, taking a well needed nap. a few hours later, your phone vibrating next to you pulled you out of dream land.

3 missed texts from jeno:

‘y/n, are you able to come over to my apartment soon?’

‘plz stop being so stubborn its annoying plz just talk to me’

‘here’s the address lmk when ur on the way’

you texted him back:

‘sorry i was taking a nap’

‘i can be there in a bit’

you got up and got ready, grabbed your backpack and left for jeno’s. once you got there it took you a good five minutes to have the courage to knock on his door. hesitant you tenderly knocked on the door, after a second he opened up the door and let you inside without another word. he was in shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt and smelled immaculate, you gulped, raking your eyes over his body, strong arms and long legs, a face without imperfections. your heart burned in anger and panic, angry that he was so gorgeous it pissed you off, panic because all you could think was what the fuck am i doing right now? ‘do you want to sit down? i saw you brought your backpack, we can work on some stuff if you want?’

you nodded, walked over to the couch and plopped down, grabbing your backpack you opened it and got your laptop out, pulling up the notes from your calculus 2 class. jeno joined you on the couch, sitting a little bit to close for comfort, but you said nothing. his bare leg brushed against your clothed one, sending a buzzing sensation all throughout your body, trying your best to ignore him you stayed focused on your screen.

question 1: x³ + 2x² - 6z = 4 - 2y²

without a second thought you typed in the answer:

r³cos³0 + 2r² - 6z = 4

submitting it you smiled as the green checkmark popped up, correct on the first try. ‘damn, that’s crazy’ jeno broke the silence, you glanced over at him.

‘what?’ you said turned back to your laptop.

‘i literally understood none of that and you got it on the first try!? that’s literally fucking insane’

you laughed at his outburst, ‘it’s nothing really, it was kind of easy, just plug in the following x and y polar conversion formulas into the equation where possible, then you just rewrite everything and use the formulas to convert the equation into cylindrical coordinates’

jeno howled in laughter, which was contagious enough to make you laugh, ‘that’s insane, you’re amazing’

you cocked your head to the side, intrigued by his word choice, ‘oh? am i?’

his demeanor changed, the air felt heavy as he calmed down and moved closer to you. he leaned in, and you panicked, he glanced down at your lips and back up to your eyes. his long eyelashes met his cheeks, you followed suit and closed your eyes, ignoring the way your mind is screaming at you not to do this. heart says otherwise, as you could hear it beat in your ears, whole body buzzing as his pink, soft lips brushed against yours.

jeno moved in deeper, teeth clinking together as you ravaged your mouth, he was a starved man, and you were the last meal he would ever receive. it was warm and sensual, he reached around your waist and roughly pulled your torso into his. his nose bumped into yours as he moved his head slightly for better access, laptop completely abandoned to the side your arms lifted to his biceps, squeezing hard as you let out a soft moan. you broke the kiss as you pressed against his arms, your forehead leaned on his as you both caught your breath, between pants he smiled and laughed, you did not. anxiety ran your blood cold as now all you could think of was what he had said in the classroom about you. was this all a joke?

‘jeno…’ you started, and his smile faltered, ‘i can’t do this’ you stood up and grabbed your laptop and shoved it haphazardly into your backpack, heatedly rushing out of his apartment and down the hall to the entrance. again you ignored jeno as he called after you, his footsteps echoing behind you. you pushed the heavy door open and the air hit you with the wind flying through your hair. continuing down the lamp-lighted street, the boy was still trying to catch up to you.

‘y/n please, we forgot to talk about it’ he addressed your almost non-existent figure fading into the darkness.

he was hopeless by now, but still refused to give up, he moved again, ‘y/n!’

you stopped and turned around, walking up to him his build now growing hazy as water pooled in your eyes. ‘you wanna talk about it? you WANT to talk about it? FINE, you are such a stuck-up asshole, thinking i’m so stupid because i don’t have the best grade in our lit class. laughing about it with your friends when they call me a moron! you think you’re so great you didn’t even know what the chemical symbol was for sulfur, FUCKING SULFUR JENO’ you were yelling at this point, jabbing your finger into his chest with every emphasis in your anger. ‘you think you can play me in some fucked up game you have going on in your head, keeping me around so you can feel better about yourself and use me for help so you could pass an exam, i know i’ve asked you for help before, but at the end of it, all i wanted to do was be your friend, you could’ve said no, but i couldn’t. you gave me no choice but to give in with the deal that you’d help me in return, and you know what? i needed the help, badly. and you knew that and used it in a discussion with your friends that laughed at me because of it, you know how that made me feel? like absolute shit, i wanted to be your friend but all you have ever done was use me and hurt me, and guess what? you don’t have to fear for’ fingers motioning air quotations, ‘my grade because i got a good grade on my homework thanks to you, so thank you jeno! i really appreciate the help, i hope it really boosted your ego, maybe you can go fucking write a book about it or something, i don’t know and i don’t care, but i’m done’ your face was probably beet red at this point, while angry tear's avalanche down your face, you hastily whipped your face and snot that escaped during your outburst. his face focused into view, he was so pretty, and that made you tear up all over again, he could have been different.

he looked defeated, frustrated as his fists clenched into balls and relax over and over, ‘y/n, please let me explain, i di-’ you stopped him, placing your hand in front of his face.

‘do the math jeno, the probability that i would ever hear you out is slim…’ you turned and started walking away, briefly glancing back, he was still in the same spot. ‘it’s S by the way, the symbol for sulfur, maybe now you’ll remember it when you think back on this night… not so proud after all’ your voice cracked at the last sentence as your heart wrenched and stomach mangled, tears breaking through yet again.

you left him there.

you decided not to tell jaemin about what happened, but jeno’s absence was evident. you couldn’t sleep, all that replayed in your nightmare was his soft lips brushing against yours, and you swore you could still feel his strong arms pulling you forward, into him. the feeling that gave you clawed at your heart, beating you down every single time you closed your eyes and pictured his face smiling at you, laughing at you, annoyed at you. anything he gave you, you would take, no matter how much it broke you down. you liked him, no, you like him. even after everything he’s done, you still held a soft spot for him in your fractured heart. all the phone calls that turned into facetime when he would ask for help with math, and you had to show him the steps of a problem. laughing every time you would shake trying to hold your phone steady as he jokingly squawked, ‘keep still!’ when he would read passages to you over the phone late at night, and you’d have fallen asleep to his tender voice before he could even explain the motif. it had only been 5 weeks of class, but it felt like you had known him longer, despite your differences in subjects you both eventually subsided the arguments with long discussions and debates on why one answer was right and how the other was wrong. revelations that came to light after hours of going back and forth.

you stood in the shower, blankly staring at the white ceramic wall in front of you as droplets rained down. you thought about the day you and jeno were studying in the library, renting a study room within because you figured the discussion would be heated. it ended up in a feverish battle between the differences of cell adhesion and cell migration. by the end of it you were standing up, hands pulling at your roots in irritation trying to explain it to the boy sat down in front of you with a shit-eating grin adorning his face. ‘y/n, y/n, stop, stop, please, i can’t take it anymore’ he laughed, clutching his stomach, ‘i got it, while they are tightly associated, cell adhesion provides structural support and stability to tissues, while cell migration is the directed movement of cells from one location to another’

your arms dramatically dropped to your sides, ‘YOU KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME’ pointing, you accused him.

he laughed again at your reaction, ‘i just love seeing you like that, it’s cute, you know i just love a challenge’ he exclaimed going back to his notes.

you laughed to yourself, recalling the moment of the playful banter and subtle flirting that slipped out on occasion. you giggled, howled, and snorted a little too much at the memory, which silently followed into your heart sinking to the bottom of your stomach, the shower masking the uncontrollable sobs that carried through every limb, appendage, and bone.

jaemin went on and on about some story about his roommates, you paid barely any attention, eyes glued to the door as you waited to see if he would show up. the blond boy slurred his words, leaning into you now, trying to get you to look at him. you turned your body, he was giving you a pouty face with big, shining eyes, ‘i asked you a question y/nnie. were you even listening to me?’ he tugged on the sleeve of your hoodie, his strength made you feel like a rag doll.

‘i was… and the answer is yes?’ you said, unsure about whatever he was yapping about.

he beamed and clapped playfully, ‘yippie! i knew you could use a pick-me-up, i promise it’ll be fun, the party is saturday so clear your schedule, i’ll pick you up’

your shoulder shook as you lightly laughed at his theatrics, rubbing your temple in exasperation as to what you just got yourself into, ‘sounds like fun’. you barely noticed jeno walking in out of the corner of your eye. he looked worse than you did, a hoodie with a stain, sweats that looked they were able to fall apart, mis-matched socks and unkempt hair. he kept pushing his glasses up his nose and rubbing his tired eyes. your heart skipped a beat when you noticed his dark circles that almost matched yours, his being a little worse for wear. before he could catch you staring, you quickly focused your attention to the professor starting class, going through the roaster and continuing the lecture on cells.

‘can anyone tell me the variations in cell types? jeno, got an answer?’ the professor smiled at him, everyone turned to spectate and wait for him to answer, except you.

‘um, prokaryotic and eukaryotic’ he dragged, sounding uninterested despite getting the question right.

‘yes! very good jeno’ the professor praised, moving on to the next question. you started to sweat, angry that he got it right and yet you were now holding on your high c- in literature class. how come he could now catch onto science but yet, you were still unable to grapple with the concepts of a victorian classic novel? or maybe it was the fact you had skipped every class this week, refusing to work with jeno on anything, you noticed the text and calls from him were dwindling three days after the confrontation, however everyday he sent pictures of his notes and analysis on the reading and how the project was going. as pathetic as it was, you continue to lay awake in bed nearly every night rereading his text from that night:

i know you are angry and probably hate me right now and that’s understandable, but i don’t want to give up on you, on us. do you think newton gave up on the laws of motion after he failed on the first or second try? you aren’t getting the whole picture, plz give me a chance to explain, i don’t even know if you are reading this, but if you are, plz hear me out you got it all wrong about that day in the classroom, and if it felt like i was using you, i’m sorry. that was never my intention, i just like being around you, you are always quick-witted and i was just trying to taunt you so you’d pay attention to me because i really like you, ig that backfired badly lol. anyway, i hope this will change your mind, and you’ll reach out, i’ll give you time.

followed by a very unserious message that you couldn’t help but smile at:

oh, i almost forgot, don’t worry about the project, but you could come to class, i’m starting to fear for your grade again (,,>﹏<,,) (only kidding!)

another biology class and 2 skipped lit classes pass and the weekend was finally brought upon the world. you held the pleasure of assisting jaemin to a party hosted by someone he knew from one of his health classes. it took forever for you to pick out a cute outfit, but opted for a sleeveless shirt and basic jean shorts and a pair of white sneakers you found buried in the back of your small closet. you carefully did your makeup, usually not taking it too far, but this was special, and you needed to feel like a bad bitch tonight.

jaemin showed up an hour later, deciding to walk to the house 4 blocks down, saying he wanted ‘to get turnt with you’ and that he refused to drink and drive. you agreed, walking sounded better than looking for a driver or someone having to stay sober throughout the night. you exited your building and found jaemin’s car in the lot, he climbed out to greet you and whistled, eyes eating up your form, ‘damn, you look hot’

you smiled bashfully, ‘thanks jaemin, even nerds can be hot you know?’

he turned to lock his car, ‘i mean, yes, but like, you always look cute, but this is like the freaky side of you, it’s different… it’s nice’

you cackled, ‘please never call me freaky ever again, i’m going to revoke your brain rot privileges’

he admitted defeat and dropped the conversation, you both now walked down the sidewalk in perfect silence with the sun now set, surveying the rows of houses in different stages of life in the moon glow. ‘it’s this one’ jaemin nudged you, stopping, he pointed to the house on the corner, you nodded and wrapped your arm around his, linking together so you immediately wouldn’t get lost in the sea of a potential crowd. he opened the old, green door, and you followed, as expected there was a good amount of people attending and as the night worn on you figured more would pile in.

jaemin turned to you, ‘do you wanna go find some drinks?’

‘yes, please’ you quickly nodded as he pulled you through the throng of people, trying to find the kitchen.

once you were there, the host of the party seemed to also be there, ‘jaemin! glad you could make it man’ they dabbed each other up and touched shoulders embracing in a ‘bro hug’.

‘hell yeah, no way i’d not come for the first party of the semester, i brought my friend along with me!’ he pulled you closer to him, now giving you the floor as all attention was pulled towards you, wincing as jaemin jabbed at your side, urging you to get closer to his friend.

‘hi, i’m y/n’ you said giving him a genuine smile, holding out your hand.

‘oh my, you are gorgeous, and you came with this sleaze bag’ he nodded towards jaemin who just playfully hit his friends shoulder, ‘i’m donghyuck, but everyone calls me haechan, its a pleasure to meet you’ he softly took a hold of your hand and bent down to give it a little peck, you giggled at the eccentric greeting.

jaemin tore haechan away, ‘alright, not too much now’ he joked, ‘it’s time for shots’ haechan clapped and guided you both to the kitchen island that was filled with different alcohol, he picked out a clear liquid and poured them into plastic shot cups he grabbed from a neat stack. jaemin lifted up his cup, ‘fuck pharmacology’ you snickered at his comment and raised your cup along with haechan who nodded in agreement. on cue, you threw back the cup and shuddered as the sweet nectar burned your throat. ‘hell yeah! another! at the end of the night i want to be able to forget about fucking blood urea nitrogen and blood glucose’ haechan laughed and poured another in all 3 cups. after that it was another, and then another, and after about 6 shots you tapped out and opted for a gin and coke that haechan was more than happy to make for you.

more time had passed than you thought as more people flooded the kitchen, wrecking havoc on the choices of liquor, haechan handed you your cup and jaemin motioned for you both to move to the living room. people were dancing, some were playing beer pong off in the corner, and others were chatting on various furniture. ‘want to dance a bit?’ he whispered in your ear because of the loud music that made the floor vibrate under your seat, you could feel it rattling your brain. giving him a silent nod he grabbed your hand and led you through the crowd, finding a spot and finding the rhythm of the song. you bobbed your head to the beat and moved back and forth with jaemin in front of you, you always thought he was attractive, but you saw him nothing more than a friend, you felt comfortable around him. you nursed your drink slowly, already somewhat tipsy from the shots, you didn’t want to get drunk too fast or blackout. jaemin grabbed your free hand and twirled you around, dramatically moved your joined hands with fever. you laughed along with him, indulging him in an embarrassing, yet fun dance that probably made you both look wasted to others.

his arm snaked around your waist, pulling you close much to your surprise, pleasanton’tkissmepleasedon’tkissmepleasedon’tkissme ran rampant in your mind as he leaned towards your ear ‘don’t look now, but a certain someone is staring at you from across the room, you let out a strangled breath.

‘do you know who it is?’ you whispered back.

‘jeno’ he mused and your lively spirited fell.

‘whats up? something go down with him?’ he pestered.

‘um, kinda, its a long story’ you faltered and jaemin frowned.

‘damn, that serious? his loss, he can look all he wants’ jaemin wanted to be lighthearted, make you smile again and keep jeno out of your mind. you were grateful as he pulled you into another whimsical dance, the joyful nature of his was infectious.

after a couple more songs had passed, you had downed your whole drink and let go of jaemin’s hand, ‘i’m gonna go find haechan and have him make me another drink, it was surprisingly superb’ jaemin nodded and said he would stay in the same spot for your return.

you hastily made your way to the kitchen, apologizing to others you had to push through. the small room was almost empty, haechan was nowhere in sight so you looked for a different drink. ‘having fun with jaemin?’ a voice boomed from behind you, one that you knew all too well. you slowly turned to find jeno smirking at you, leaning against the fridge adorned in a tight white shirt and ripped jeans, oh fuck this stupid earth, he just had to follow you here looking like that.

‘yes i am, actually’ you stated matter-of-factly.

his lips twitched up in amusement, ‘is that so?’ he moved in closer, eventually trapping you between him and the liquor table. jeno’s soft brown eyes met yours, searching for something inside, however, his eyes told you everything, hope, they screamed. his hand lifted towards your face, slowly brushed against the skin lighter than a feather, taking a piece of your hair and pushing it behind your ear, ‘so he wouldn’t mind this?’. his eyes fluttered closed as he bowed towards you.

before he could seal the deal, ‘jeno’ you stopped him.

he sighed, defeated, ‘just please talk to me, you said the probability was slim, but not zero, let me explain’ jeno begged, his large hands caressed your cheeks tenderly, they were soft and warm.

you could blame the alcohol as you finally let him speak his case, ‘fine, we can find somewhere private’

he smiled, eyes disappearing in relief. he grabbed your hand, leading upstairs and into an empty room, he closed the door behind him as you took a seat on the bed, ‘alright, grovel and explain’ you lifted your phone up to check the time ‘you have 10 minutes’

he gave you a smug smile, ‘that’s all i need baby, you know i love a challenge’ you rolled your eyes at his attempt to uplift the tension fogging the air. ‘that day in the classroom, you obviously didn’t stay long enough to hear what i had to say about you, at first i didn’t know how to respond being put into that position was hard, you didn’t ‘put me through anything’ though, i had nothing but fun with you, even if it was frustrating at times. we always figured it out. but when i heard what she said after i wasn’t just going to allow it, i said ‘yeah i guess one could say that’ because these people literally do not know you like i do, i finished with ‘but everything about that is completely untrue, they are willing to learn, but it's just taking longer than some of us who take a bunch of english and literature classes. if you got to actually know her you’d see how bright they actually are. a literal math genius and a real mastermind of science, could answer any question from the top of their head, it’s insane. so while we are strong in this subject, they are just stronger in other fields’ he explained, watching you intently. you wiggled under his gaze, making you feel same, but itched for him to go on, ‘i then told her that she should not speak on things she knows nothing about and left because i will not associate myself with someone who talks like that about people i care about’ he emphasized the last words carefully, grabbing hold of your hand and lifting you from the bed, ‘y/n, i’m so sorry, it was never my intention to hurt you, ever. i care about you so deeply, you show up in every romance novel i read, every poem i skim, the stories i write… it’s all you’ jeno gazed down at you, his eyes now searching for an answer, hope, and panic could only be found in his as you studied his features in the warm glow of the moon peaking through the window.

‘you really said that? you defended me?’ you questioned him quietly.

‘yes y/n, i would never let anyone hurt you, even if you aren’t in the room, because in that case, they hurt me too’

you hummed, the haze of your brain clouded any judgment you held, he was something different, the greatest math problem that needed to be solved. ‘thank you jeno, i guess it’s now my turn to apologize’

he chuckled at you, ‘no need baby’ you laughed softly, ‘now, can we pick up where we left off? you know, someone once told me that pride and prejudice wasn’t written in a day’ he wagged his eyebrows at you, moving you into an embrace as he kissed the top of your head. you held on tightly, holding him as you buried your face into his chest swallowing his scent so you could save it for later.

the hug ended, but he still held you close in his arms, ‘i guess i could pick up another chapter or two’ he laughed at your poor pun and drooped down, so his lips could meet yours. it was messier than the first kissed you shared with him, wet and heated as you could taste the soju on his tongue. he moved at a faster pace, devouring you like an animal, jeno walked you towards the bed, you gave in falling down with him, with him climbing on top of you, never breaking away. teeth on teeth echoed throughout the room as you moaned, his hands exploring every part of your body, making your core burn more and more.

jeno dipped down to attack your neck in kisses and sucking at the exposed skin, hands finding a way to his hair and tugging slightly at the intimate feeling of him being closer than ever. ‘please, tell me you’re mine, please want me’ he breathed out, the air softly hitting your ear, making the hair on the back of your neck stand up. he was desperate, kissing you anywhere he could and waited for you to answer.

‘y-yes jeno, i’m yours’ you choked out, ‘i want you in every way’ satisfied with your response he growled and his mouth met yours once more, ‘p-please touch me’ you begged frantically, needing anything to ease the sensation that pooled in the pits of your stomach.

jeno hummed, fingers brushing up and down your exposed stomach, ‘where baby? use your words, remember what i taught you?’ it was your turn to make demands now, wasting no time you grabbed his hand and brought it down between your legs, he cupped your vagina. you groaned, you needed more. jeno grabbed the waistband of your shorts and pulled them down and threw them behind him, the cool air hit your core making you rub your thighs together in order to find little warmth.

he carefully pulled your underwear down, wanting to savor the moment of finally seeing you bare, he gulped, ‘god, you have such a pretty pussy’ he took his hand and rubbed the sensitive skin, ‘so wet. just for me, right? all for me baby’ you cried out at his words. he inserted a finger into your weeping hole, making you gasp out in surprise at the feeling of just one finger filling you up dangerously. as he pushed back and forth your legs trembled, he added another finger and brought his head down to your core, ‘i bet you taste amazing’ was all he said before he dove in deep, his tongue against your clit as he drank up your juices and sucked on the flesh.

‘f-fuck’ you mewled, grabbed a hold of his soft, black hair in order to keep you grounded, with every thrust he made as he fucked with his mouth you tugged on his hair, pulling when you would feel the band about to snap, jeno groaned, loving the way you’d use him for stability.

he stopped and removed his face, you whined from the loss of contact as his fingers also found their way outside of you, he smiled ‘don’t worry, my pretty baby, i’ll take care of you’. he threw off his shirt nearly getting drunker with the way you were taking him in, he loved being adored by you, in such a calculated way that made sense in every story. you followed suit and removed your top and bra, baring naked in front of him and laid back on the bed as he admired you from afar, ‘you’re so beautiful’ he breathed, discarding his pants and underwear he crawled back on top of you, whispering sweet nothing's as he peppered your collarbone and breasts with kisses.

‘are you sure you want this? it might hurt a little at first, but i promise i’ll go slow until you tell me otherwise’ he towered over you.

your glassy eyes met his in reassurance, ‘yes, jeno i want this’ you confirmed everything for him. he quickly lined up his cock with your cunt and gently pushed inside, his eyes never leaving yours. your hands grasped around his muscled biceps, digging your nails into them when the pain was strong. once he bottomed out he stopped to let you get used to his size, you shared sensual kisses and sweet touches, jeno doing everything in his power to make you feel loved and safe at that moment going forward, that’s all he ever wanted to do. for weeks, he had been beating himself up for taking the teasing comments way too far at times, poking fun at something you were obviously insecure about, but you did the same, he figured it was kind of the thing you two had. in reality, he wanted to push you to do better, making comments like that so you’d work harder and prove everyone wrong. no one could work with you better than him, so he had gone out of his way to ask the pressor to pair you up on the project, also making the forced proximity making you talk to him after you stopped answering his calls and messages. he should have gone a better way about motivating you, but now that he had your forgiveness, he could work on better strategies.

‘jeno, you can move now’ you rasped out, still holding on his arms like an anchor with a boat. he pulled out and pushed back in, taking it slow as you moaned at the feeling of him filling you up to the brim, jeno picked up the pace, setting a steady rhythm as skin clapping together filled the room, ‘oh fuck, just like that’ your chest heaving up and down.

he slammed into with vigor, bitting your bottom lip as you opened your mouth to let out a breathless moan, ‘yeah? you like that? fuck, you’re so tight, literally sucking me in, i never want to leave this pretty fucking pussy’ he husked, he licked your lips and kissed your jaw as he grunted, setting a faster pace, making you cry out in pleasure. he grabbed your legs and opened them wider, giving him better access to go deeper into your abused cunt. you cried as the flame in your belly raged with a thousand fires, ‘keep your eyes on me baby’ jeno demanded, automatically making you swallow as you moved your eyes to meet his, blown out pupils filled with lust as your vision of him became blurry as blissful tears threaten to fall with every snap on his hips digging into you. you’ve had flings and hook-ups before, but nothing as profound as this, the eye contact, togetherness of him never backing too far away from your hold, you were being wholly consumed by jeno. everything right down to your core, he was all you could feel, taste, see, and think about.

‘o-oh my god’ you sobbed, hips jerking up at the feeling of the ripples burning through you, the coil in your stomach tightening, craving to break open, ‘m gonna cum’ you clenched around him, making jeno hiss above you at the feeling of tightness around his throbbing dick.

‘go on baby, cum for me,’ he whimpered as the feeling for him also grew intense, the way your cunt hugged his dick was making his mind spin. jeno mumbled incoherently ‘i’m so close baby, let go, you can let go, i got you’ from his words and the way he pounded into you made you snap, legs trembling as liquid gushed from your core and past his cock and dripped onto the sheets. light-headed and dizzy you cried out for jeno as your orgasm burst over you.

you clenched again, feeling overwhelmed by the euphoric feeling, ‘oh, fuck’ jeno cursed as he stilled inside of you, painting your insides with his seed, he groaned at the sensation of finally filling you up and properly claiming you as his and his alone. he stayed there for a couple of minutes inside of you. savoring the static of the overstimulation and pleasure of release. you winced as the hot liquid poured out of you when he pulled out, the emptiness of it all. jeno watched as his cum slide down your hole and onto the sheet, he scooped up the remaining liquid that rushed out of you and shoved it back into your clit with two fingers, making you cry at the sensitivity. ‘fuck that was… one of the best experiences of my life’ he caught his breath and plopped down facing you, he gently caressed your chin, bringing your head to his as he softly left kisses on your lips, ‘let me get you cleaned up baby’

‘m tired’ you whispered, barely able to keep your eyes open.

‘i know, but let me take care of you and get you dressed, i know theres extra clothes somewhere around here’ he started rummaging around the wardrobes, digging into them in order to find anything adequate. ‘aha!’ he put on a clean pair of underwear and sweats, ‘i’ll be right back baby’ he left the room and came back after for what felt like an eternity with a warm wash cloth and clean clothes, ‘these are mark’s girlfriends pj’s i’m sure she won’t mind,’ he hummed, wiping you clean, and dressing you in the soft, clean clothes. he picked you up so he could throw the covers back, tucking you in with a kiss on the nose, ‘you’re so cute’

you lazily smiled at him, settling into the sheets as you clung onto his warm frame, ‘who’s room is this by the way?’ you whispered as jeno shut his eyes.

‘mark’s. doesn’t matter. you’re my girlfriend now right?’ he leaned his head on yours.

‘mmm girlfriend yes. mark who?’ words fell from your mouth as you yawned, sleeping coming to find you soon.

‘mark, shark.’ he dismissed you, ‘just be ready for a stern talk when we wake up from the man himself.’ he kissed your head as you drifted off to sleep, the morning was the least of your worries now, you finally figured out the solution, the obvious answer being: jeno.

#as a bio major I loved this! gosh this is so good #jeno recs

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jenosbliss · 2 months ago

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🍃 nct dream! teaching you how to drive

a/n. please leave asks or comments about your opinions! let’s talk!!

#nct dream #nct dream x reader #nct dream fluff #mark #mark lee #renjun #jeno #haechan #Jaemin #chenle #jisung #park jisung #nct #nct dream fanfic #nct dream reactions #nct fluff #nct fics #nct imagines #nct fanfic

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jenosbliss · 3 months ago

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pairing. fem!reader x fwb!jaemin | genre. fluff | wc. 1.3k | warnings. none | summary. where he helps you during your cramps

The room was dim and still, bathed in the faint yellow light of Jaemin’s bedside lamp. The two of you were in your usual post-encounter positions: you on your side of the bed, tucked under the covers with a pillow hugged to your chest, and Jaemin lounging against the headboard, scrolling through his phone.

This was your routine. After the heat of the moment passed, things would settle into this kind of comfortable silence. Jaemin would busy himself with something—his phone, a video game, or random conversation—while you would rest or prepare to leave. It was simple, predictable, and exactly what you’d both signed up for when this whole thing started.

Friends with benefits. Nothing more, nothing less. But tonight, something was different.

You shifted under the covers, trying to ignore the dull ache creeping up your lower abdomen. At first, it was manageable—a slight discomfort you could brush off as lingering soreness from the earlier activities. But as the minutes ticked by, the pain sharpened into something deeper, a hot, stabbing sensation that made you wince.

Jaemin noticed the movement, though he didn’t look up from his phone. “You good?” he asked casually, his voice low and distracted.

“Yeah,” you murmured, brushing it off. “Just… tired.” He hummed in response, his thumb swiping lazily across the screen. You curled in on yourself slightly, clutching the pillow tighter to your stomach as another wave of pain hit. This one was stronger, sharper, and you couldn’t stop the soft groan that escaped your lips.

Jaemin froze.

His eyes flicked up from his phone, his head tilting slightly as he studied you. “Wait… Are you sure you’re okay?” You nodded quickly, not trusting your voice to stay steady. But Jaemin wasn’t buying it.

He set his phone down on the nightstand with an uncharacteristic sense of urgency, his full attention suddenly on you. “You’re not okay,” he said, his tone firm but laced with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” you tried to say, but the words came out weak and breathless. “Nothing doesn’t make you look like you’re about to pass out,” Jaemin shot back, his brows knitting together in frustration. You tried to sit up, only to double over as a sharp cramp tore through your stomach.

“Hey—” Jaemin’s voice was sharper this time, and before you could stop him, he was leaning over you, his hand resting lightly on your shoulder. “Did I… Did I hurt you?” Your eyes widened, and you quickly shook your head. “No, Jaemin, it’s not that. It’s just…” You trailed off, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

“It’s just what?” he pressed, his voice softer now but no less insistent. “Talk to me.” You hesitated, feeling the weight of his gaze on you. Jaemin wasn’t usually like this—so attentive, so focused. It was throwing you off.

Finally, you sighed, pressing your hand against your stomach. “It’s period cramps.” Jaemin blinked, clearly caught off guard. “Period cramps?” You nodded, avoiding his gaze. “It happens sometimes after, you know…” You gestured vaguely between the two of you. “It’s normal. Nothing to worry about.”

But Jaemin didn’t look reassured. If anything, he looked even more concerned. “Normal? You’re curled up like you’re dying, and you’re calling that normal?”

“Jaemin—”

“Wait, is it my fault?” he interrupted, his voice rising slightly. “Like, did I trigger it or something? Did I make it worse?” You sighed, shaking your head. “No, it’s not your fault. This just… happens sometimes.”

Jaemin leaned back slightly, his jaw tightening as he processed your words. You could see the worry etched across his face, the way his hands fidgeted in his lap as if he didn’t know what to do with them.

For a moment, you thought he might drop it. But then he surprised you. “What can I do?” he asked, his voice softer now, almost hesitant. You blinked, caught off guard by the question. “What?”

“What can I do to help?” he repeated, his eyes locking onto yours. There was a raw sincerity in his gaze, one that made your chest tighten. “You don’t have to do anything,” you said quickly, your cheeks flushing. “Bullshit,” he muttered under his breath, his frown deepening. “You’re in pain. I can’t just sit here and do nothing.”

You hesitated, the vulnerability of the moment making you feel strangely exposed. “Usually, I just… press my hand against the area. It helps with the pain.” Jaemin’s brow furrowed as he processed your words. “That’s it? Just… pressure?”

“Yeah,” you said softly, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “It’s warm, and it eases the cramps.” He was quiet for a moment, his gaze dropping to your stomach. And then, to your utter shock, he reached for the edge of the blanket, his fingers brushing lightly against your side.

“Can I?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Your breath hitched, and you nodded before you could overthink it. Jaemin moved carefully, his fingers slipping under the waistband of your sweatpants. His touch was warm, his palm pressing gently against the spot where the pain was worst.

“Like this?” he asked quietly, his eyes searching yours. You nodded again, your chest tightening at the unfamiliar tenderness in his touch. “Yeah. That’s… perfect.”

For a moment, the room was silent except for the sound of your breathing. Jaemin’s hand stayed where it was, his warmth seeping into you in a way that felt far too intimate for what you were supposed to be.

But he didn’t stop there.

“Does it always hurt this much?” he asked suddenly, his voice soft but filled with an edge of frustration. “Not always,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “But sometimes, yeah.”

Jaemin frowned, his jaw tightening. “And you just… deal with it?” You shrugged, unsure of how to respond. “It’s not like I have a choice.”

“That’s so…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Unfair.” You laughed softly, though it came out more like a breath. “Yeah, well. Welcome to being a girl.”

Jaemin didn’t laugh. If anything, he looked even more upset.“I don’t get it,” he muttered, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin. “Why does it have to be like this? Why do you have to go through this every month?”

“It’s just how it is,” you said, your voice tinged with a mix of resignation and amusement. “You get used to it.” Jaemin’s eyes darkened, and you could see the frustration bubbling just beneath the surface. “You shouldn’t have to.”

The sincerity in his voice made your chest ache, and you suddenly found it hard to meet his gaze. “It’s not a big deal, Jaemin.”

“It is to me,” he said quietly, his words hanging heavy in the air. Your breath caught, your heart pounding as his hand shifted slightly, his touch growing firmer. The warmth of his palm, the weight of his gaze—it was too much and not enough all at once.

For a moment, you forgot about the pain, the cramps, the boundaries you’d drawn so carefully between the two of you. All you could feel was him—his hand on your skin, his eyes on your face, his presence grounding you in a way that felt far too intimate for what you were supposed to be.

This wasn’t the Jaemin you thought you knew. This wasn’t the playful, easygoing guy who kept things light and casual. This was someone else entirely—someone who cared too much, who was crossing lines he didn’t seem to realize he was crossing, and who didn’t seem to care.

And for the first time, you didn’t know what to do.

“Jaemin,” you said softly, your voice trembling. “You don’t have to—”

“I want to,” he interrupted, his voice firm. The words hit you like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, all you could do was stare at him, your chest tight with emotions you couldn’t name.

Jaemin’s hand stayed where it was, his warmth easing the tension in your body, but his gaze stayed locked on yours, searching, questioning, and—most terrifyingly—caring.

And in that moment, as the lines between you blurred beyond recognition, you realized there was no going back.

masterlist. nct dream | nct 127 | wayv

navigation.

#nct dream #jaemin #nct dream fluff #nct dream x reader #jaemin x reader #jaemin imagines #jaemin fluff #na jaemin #nct #nct fluff #nct fics #nct imagines #nct scenarios #jaemin scenarios #jaemin nct #periods #fwb #fwb dating

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jenosbliss · 3 months ago

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GUYS! I’m alive! And will be posting tomorrow :D

Back with JAEMIN Oneshot! Also I’ll be soon posting the requests too and then share the teaser for Jeno College AU (just the smutty portion is left hihi)

#nct dream #nct #nct dream fluff

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jenosbliss · 3 months ago

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✈️⌇ Beneath the Skies

pairing. flight attendant!reader x captain!jeno | genre. fluff, smut, slight angst | wc. 4k | requested. here | mdni!

warnings. fingering, nipple play, penetrative sex, protected sex (not mentioned but always play safe), lots and lots of kissing and jeno is the greenest flag ever

summary. you and jeno were walking on eggshells around the airline staff, limiting to subtle touches and lingering glances until you sneaked away from the prying eyes. Everything was fine until it wasn't as rumors spread faster than fire.

a/n. guys i love jeno! (ugly crying) anyways if you're uncomfortable with the smut portion you can skip it

The overhead announcement crackled through the cabin speakers, smooth and steady, delivered in a deep voice that always seemed to command attention without even trying.

“This is your captain speaking. We’re beginning our final descent into Osaka. Local time is 7:42 PM, and the weather is clear with a light breeze. We’ll have you on the ground shortly. Thank you for flying with us.”

Jeno’s voice.

You pressed your lips together to suppress a smile as you walked down the aisle of the aircraft, your polished heels clicking softly against the floor. As always, his words sparked a ripple of excitement across the cabin. You could practically see the passengers—and some of the other flight attendants—swooning as they tilted their heads toward the speakers.

“Captain Lee Jeno sounds like he should be in a movie,” whispered one of your colleagues, Sara, as she leaned in close to you near the galley.

You gave her a polite smile, hoping it wasn’t too forced. “Yeah, I guess he has one of those voices.”

One of those voices, and one of those faces. And one of those personalities that made your heart ache with an almost unbearable tenderness every time you thought about him. Which was too often.

Sara sighed dreamily. “Seriously, isn’t it unfair? He’s so good-looking and he’s a pilot. He’s the whole package.”

You glanced down at the tray of drinks you were holding, focusing on steadying your hands. “Yeah,” you said softly, unable to resist the flicker of warmth spreading in your chest. “The whole package.”

Sara didn’t notice the way your lips curved slightly or the way your voice softened. No one did. That was the point.

At work, you and Jeno were just coworkers. You had to be.

The first time you met him, you’d been a bundle of nerves, fumbling with your flight manual on your first day as a flight attendant. He had stopped you in the hallway leading to the crew briefing room, his white captain’s uniform crisp and impossibly neat. His voice had been calm and reassuring as he asked if you needed help, and his smile had been so genuine that your tension had melted away in an instant.

Since then, you and Jeno had become… close. Closer than you ever thought possible.

Somehow, between the endless flights, layovers in strange cities, and the long hours spent together in cramped crew lounges, he had become more than just your captain. He had become your anchor.

When turbulence hit—both in the air and in your life—Jeno was always steady. Always there.

But no one could know.

Not when you worked for an airline that prided itself on professionalism and strict boundaries between coworkers. Not when the rumor mill among the crew could destroy someone’s reputation in a heartbeat.

And so, you kept it quiet. Stolen glances in the cockpit. Soft, lingering touches when no one was looking. Conversations that stretched late into the night during layovers, when the rest of the crew was asleep and it felt like the world was just the two of you.

It was enough. Most of the time.

You stood near the exit as the passengers began filing off the plane, bowing and thanking them with a practiced smile. Jeno stood just a few feet away, his tall frame commanding and composed in his uniform.

You could feel the weight of his gaze on you, even as he greeted the passengers with the same professional smile you wore.

When the last passenger exited, Sara let out a dramatic sigh, leaning against the cabin wall. “Okay, I’m officially done for today. That flight was too long. Who’s up for drinks tonight?”

“I think I’ll pass,” you said quickly, unbuckling the thin scarf around your neck and folding it neatly. You glanced at Jeno out of the corner of your eye. His lips twitched in amusement, but he said nothing.

“Boring,” Sara teased. “You’re always skipping out on crew hangouts. It’s like you have a secret life or something.”

You laughed lightly, brushing off her comment. “Just tired, that’s all.”

It wasn’t a lie. You were tired—tired of pretending you didn’t notice the way your heart raced every time Jeno’s hand accidentally brushed yours, tired of hiding what you really wanted.

Jeno caught your eye as you both stepped off the aircraft, and for a moment, it felt like the world paused. His gaze was soft, full of something unspoken, and it sent a shiver down your spine.

The night in Osaka had started innocently enough.

The hotel room was larger than usual, the soft hum of the air conditioning filling the space as Jeno leaned against the dresser, his arms crossed over his chest. His tie was already loosened, the top two buttons of his shirt undone, and you couldn’t help but notice how unfairly good he looked. Relaxed. Comfortable.

The kind of comfort he only ever showed you.

“You didn’t have to come in here, you know,” he said, though the teasing lilt in his voice gave him away.

You rolled your eyes, sinking onto the edge of the bed as you kicked off your heels. “I wanted to.” That much was true. You weren’t ready to say goodnight to him yet—not after a flight full of stolen glances and moments that had left your chest tight with longing.

Jeno’s smile softened as he walked over to you, kneeling so he was eye level with where you sat on the edge of the bed. “Long day?”

You nodded, letting out a soft sigh as you leaned back on your hands. “Yeah. But this is the best part of it.” He tilted his head, his eyes searching yours. “What is?”

“Being here,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “With you.”

The words hung in the air between you, heavier than they should have been. Jeno’s gaze darkened, his jaw clenching slightly as if he was holding himself back from saying—or doing—something.

“Sometimes I think this is all we’ll ever get,” you said softly, breaking the silence. “These moments when no one’s watching.” Jeno reached out, his fingers brushing against yours in a gesture so light it sent shivers up your spine. “Maybe that’s all we need.”

You shook your head, a wry smile tugging at your lips. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do,” he said, his voice firm. “If it means I get to be with you, even if it’s just like this… I’ll take it.” Your chest tightened, the weight of his words settling deep in your heart. You reached up, your fingers brushing against his cheek, and he leaned into your touch without hesitation.

“Jeno…”

Whatever you were going to say next was forgotten as he leaned in closer, his forehead resting against yours. His breath was warm against your skin, his proximity dizzying.

“You drive me crazy,” he murmured, his voice rough around the edges. “Every single time I see you, all I want to do is—”

He cut himself off, his hand coming up to cup your face, his thumb brushing lightly against your cheekbone. You couldn’t stop yourself from leaning into his touch, your eyes fluttering shut as his forehead pressed more firmly against yours.

“Jeno,” you whispered, your voice trembling. That was all it took.

He closed the distance between you, his lips brushing yours in a kiss that was as much a question as it was an answer. It was soft at first, hesitant, like he was afraid to push too far. But when you tilted your head, your hands curling into the fabric of his shirt to pull him closer, the tension between you snapped like a rubber band.

The kiss deepened, growing hungrier, more desperate, as the weight of every unspoken feeling between you spilled over. His hands slid to your waist, pulling you closer, and you lost yourself in the way he felt—warm, solid, grounding in a way nothing else ever was.

When you finally broke apart, gasping for air, his forehead dropped against yours once again, his breath warm against your skin.

“I meant what I said,” he whispered, his voice unsteady. “I don’t care where we are or who’s watching. All I want is you.”

Your heart felt like it might burst as you reached up to tangle your fingers in his hair, pulling him back down for another kiss.

The kiss was passionate as if Jeno tried to convey everything he felt for you through it. His thumb ran over your cheekbone in a soothing manner while his other hand slid under your dress shirt feeling the warmth of your skin under his.

When he broke the kiss, his lips trailed a wet path from the corner of your lips to the base of your neck. His grip on your waist became rough as he pulled you even closer while he kissed over your collarbone slowly as his lips found their way back to yours where he whispered “I need you.”

Your breath hitched slightly when he gently tugged at your shirt and all you could manage was a gentle nod. “You are going to be the death of me.” he whispered against your lips before pulling you into another soft kiss, his fingers undoing the buttons of your shirt with practiced ease.

Everything Jeno did always made your heart flutter. It wasn’t the first time you were being intimate with him, you have lost count on how many times both of you had shared a kiss and it led to this… both of you craving each other but that never stopped him from asking for your permission, even if he knew the answer. He didn’t have to ask but he did and this made you fall for him deeper and deeper.

Soon your clothes were on the carpeted floor, he had guided you to lay down on the mattress as he moved above you, his hands gently moving up and down your sides while his teeth lightly bit down on your neck making you moan. He licked over the same spot and moved to the other side of your neck repeating his actions.

“You’re beautiful.” he said, trailing his lips down to your chest and between your breasts, sucking and gently biting down on the skin there. He loved marking you up not because he wanted to assert his possession over you but he did so that whenever you look at them you can remember how much he wants you, needs you, loves you. He wants you to remember the words he whispers while he is making love to you, remember the nights of passion and just remember him.

His hands moved to where you needed him the most as he licked your nipples before taking them in his mouth making you arch your back. “Jeno” you whimpered, holding onto his bicep. “Fuck you’re so wet” he said running his fingers along your folds as he peppered wet kisses around your breasts.

He pushed one of his fingers between your folds and rubbed over your clit with his thumb all the while sucking on one of your boobs and fondling the other with his free hand. The simultaneous pleasure sent you moaning loudly and as if he sensed your need he added another finger increasing the pace. “Jeno please…” you whimpered, your fingers tangling in his hair as you pushed him further down on your chest.

He let go of your nipple with one final kiss as he whispered “Use your words baby.” looking at you while he continued to move his fingers inside you at an almost relentless pace all the while rubbing at your clit. He knew what you wanted and also how far he could push you. “Tell me what you want.”

“You! I want you please.” you begged, reaching out for his hand. Every constraint he had was slipping by, he intertwined his fingers with yours and brought your hand to place gentle kisses on your knuckles. “Come on my fingers first? I don’t want to hurt you baby.”

With this said he curled his fingers inside you and rubbed at that spot making you throw your head back as your eyes rolled up. He cradled your face with his other hand and kissed down on your neck once again. “Does it feel good?” he asked and you could only manage to moan at the way his fingers were stretching you out. “I am close Jeno” you whimpered.

“Let it go. Come for me baby.” and as if you were waiting for his permission you came on his fingers moaning his name. He continued to move his fingers through your oragasm prolonging it. Fuck you loved sex with him.

“Do you want more? Or we can do it later.” He wiped the sweat on your forehead gently as he placed a lingering kiss over there. “You need a release too” you whispered looking at how hard he was under his boxers. He followed your gaze and chuckled, cupping your face in his hands as he leaned down to softly kiss your lips “Don’t worry about me, tell me what you want.”

Could he make you love him even more? You smiled back and rested your hand over his “I want you Jeno in every way possible. I want everything you’re willing to give me and everything we can be behind these closed doors.” you promised.

The promise held a thousand unsaid words and Jeno took a moment to just gaze in your eyes with the same desperation and helplessness before he kissed you again but this time it was gentler and slow. It was passionate but not quick and rough.

When he carefully and slowly slid inside you his eyes not once left yours, when he brought your intertwined hands to his lips again he closed his eyes to savour the feeling of your skin against his lips. He looked at you with an intensity that made your cheeks burn but you knew he was just memorizing you for all the time he would spend pretending he isn’t in love with you.

“You’re my heaven.” He groaned at the feeling of your warm walls taking him in as he moved, quickening his pace. “Fuck you feel so good.” he pressed his hand over your stomach slowly pushing you over the edge as you arched your back crying out his name.

His thrusts became faster and he wrapped his arms around your thighs pulling you closer, the sound of skin slapping filling the room. “Jeno… I-” you almost screamed at a particular hard thrust. “Does it hurt?” he asked, slowing his pace as he looked down at you concerned. You whined “No no, it feels so good… Please don't stop”

“I just want to make you feel good.” he leaned down to kiss you, drinking up your moans and soft whimpers as he once again increased his speed. His thumb reached down to rub on your clit adding to the pleasure and once again you found yourself close. And Jeno felt it too with the way you clenched around his length or how your grip on his back tightened and he pushed into you with more force and pressure.

You also felt him getting closer with his thrusts becoming erratic and sloppier. He bit down on your lip as he moaned, his fingers digging in your skin. “You are close?” he asked, pulling you closer. “Yes, yes- fuck Jeno” you moaned as he brushed against that spot making you see white. It might have been an involuntary response but the way you squeezed on him in response made him reach his high too and he came undone with a loud groan “Fuck baby… fuck”

He didn’t stop and fucked you both through the orgasms making you writhle under him due to oversensitivity. He smiled seeing you like that under him and slowed down his movements before pulling himself out and lying down next to you. “It was amazing.” He commented, breathing heavily.

You smiled wrapping your arm around his torso as he pulled you closer “It is always amazing with you.” He chuckled his chest rumbling with the sound as he placed a kiss on top of your head. “I am glad.”

For a moment, neither of you spoke, the silence comfortable. Jeno reached out instinctively, tucking a strand behind your ear. His eyes studied your face for a moment and he noticed your distant expression.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. You swallowed hard, looking down at your hand which was playing with his fingers. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because I know you,” he said, his voice firm but gentle. “And I can tell when something’s bothering you.” You hesitated, the words caught in your throat. Jeno waited patiently, his dark eyes watching you with a tenderness that made you want to fall apart.

“It’s my family,” you finally admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “They don’t… They’ve never really treated me the same as my siblings. No matter what I do, it’s never enough. I’m never enough.”

Jeno’s jaw tightened, and you saw the flash of anger in his eyes—not at you, but for you. “That’s not true,” he said, his voice steady. “You’re more than enough. You’re…” He paused, his brows furrowing as he searched for the right words. “You’re kind and hardworking and amazing at what you do. And anyone who doesn’t see that doesn’t deserve you.”

Your throat tightened, and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. “Jeno…”

He reached out, his hand moving under your chin to make you look at him. His touch was warm, grounding, and you clung to it like a lifeline.

“You don’t have to be perfect for anyone,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “Not your family, not anyone. Just… be you. That’s all I need.”

And when you ended up tangled together on the bed, his arms wrapped tightly around you, it felt like everything you’d been missing had finally fallen into place.

The next morning had been quiet between you, the comfort of his presence lingering as you shared a knowing smile before slipping out of his room. You’d thought you’d gone unnoticed.

You were wrong.

That morning, you’d heard the first murmurs: how you’d gone into Captain Lee’s room at the end of the night, how you’d been in there for hours.

They didn’t know what had happened. They didn’t need to. The damage was already done.

The rumors… they are subtle at first. Whispers in the break room, sideways glances from coworkers. But it doesn’t take long before you realize the truth: the two of you are the talk of the airline. Someone saw you leave the cockpit together. Someone noticed the way you look at each other during every briefing. And before you know it, the whispers turn into gossip, and the gossip turns into questions. The not-so-subtle questions about how you got your position and whether you’d been “using” Jeno to get ahead.

It hurt more than you expected.

Some of your colleagues, mostly the women, start acting strange around you. The sidelong glances, the not-so-innocent comments—it all builds, the pressure growing heavier by the hour.

“You and Captain Lee,” Sara says with a smirk as she hands you a coffee during a layover. “He’s such a charmer, isn’t he?”

You force a smile, but inside, you’re screaming. You’ve never been good at hiding your emotions, and the constant barrage of questions is slowly starting to crack your resolve.

Another colleague, this time a more direct one, doesn’t hold back. “Is it true? Are you two dating? I mean, it’s not like you can keep a secret around here.”

You feel your face flush, the weight of the question sinking in. “No,” you say quickly, but even you can hear the uncertainty in your voice. “We’re just... friends. Coworkers.”

But as the days pass, the questions don’t stop. And neither does the growing realization that your coworkers have already decided the truth that you slept your way up, and it’s nothing like what you’ve claimed.

The hardest part isn’t the gossip itself—it’s the way you feel when you realize that none of them see you as anything more than an object of their curiosity. The whispers of your coworkers, the rumors spreading like wildfire—it’s too much. It feels like everyone is watching, waiting for you to break.

But Jeno...

Jeno is there.

He’s always there.

You know he’s been feeling the tension too, the way he’s been watching you during flights, how his hand brushes against yours a little longer than necessary when handing you paperwork. You see the glint in his eyes, the quiet understanding of how hard it’s becoming for both of you.

And then, one evening after a particularly grueling flight, when the weight of it all is almost too much to bear, Jeno finds you crying in the staff lounge one day, you couldn’t hide it anymore. “I know what they’re saying,” he says quietly, as if reading your mind.

“Talk to me please, don’t shut me out.” he said, kneeling in front of you and gently tilting your chin up so you had to meet his eyes.

You broke.

“It’s the others,” you admitted, tears streaming down your face. “They think… they think I’m only here because of you. That I’m not good enough to do this on my own and I earned this position by sleeping with you.”

Jeno’s expression darkened, his jaw clenching as he processed your words. “That’s not true,” he said fiercely. “You’re one of the best flight attendants I’ve ever worked with, and you earned your place here. Don’t let them take that away from you.”

His words made something inside you crack wide open. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” you whispered. Jeno’s hands tightened around yours. “Yes, you can. And you’re not alone. I’m here, okay? I’m with you.”

“I hate… hiding,” you said, your voice trembling. “I hate feeling like I have to apologize for being with you. Like I’m doing something wrong.”

Jeno reached out, his hands settling on your shoulders as he pulled you closer. “You’re not doing anything wrong,” he said firmly. “And you don’t have to apologize for anything. Not to me, not to anyone.”

Your throat tightened, and tears pricked at your eyes again as you looked up at him. “But it’s not just me. They’re saying things about you, too. About how you—”

“Stop,” he said gently, his hands sliding down to take yours. “Let them say whatever they want. None of it matters. What matters is us.”

His words wrapped around you like a shield, and for the first time in days, you felt like you could breathe again.

Despite the whispers and the tension, you held your head high. And Jeno was with you every step of the way, his quiet support and unwavering belief in you giving you the strength to keep going.

And when he held your hand during a layover in Paris, walking with you along the Seine as the city lights reflected in the water, it felt like all the pieces of your world were finally falling into place.

“You’re my favorite co-worker,” he teased, a mischievous glint in his eyes. You laughed, your cheeks flushing as you leaned into him. “You’re so cheesy.”

“Only for you,” he said, his voice dropping to a soft, serious tone. He stopped walking, turning to face you fully. The city seemed to fade away as he cupped your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing gently over your cheeks.

“I love you,” he said, the words spilling out like a promise. “And I don’t care who knows it or what they think of it.” Your breath hitched, and for a moment, you couldn’t speak. But then you smiled, your heart swelling with so much emotion you thought it might burst.

“I love you too,” you whispered.

And when he kissed you, it felt like the beginning of something new—something that was entirely yours. No matter what anyone else thought, no matter what challenges lay ahead, you knew one thing for certain:

With Jeno by your side, the skies were always clear

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