jeremy-sant0s
jeremy-sant0s
Breathe
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jeremy-sant0s · 7 years ago
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jeremy-sant0s · 7 years ago
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Suddenly remembering my last breakdown.
When i was in the hospital in 2017 i felt like i was put there and i was meeting up with family memembers.
I remember lying in bed and thinking that i was talking to my brother in law, my sister, my girlfriend and mom and dad. I felt that he was coming to get me and that him and my other brother were staying in rooms adjacent to each other and that we were all going to meet up in the morning to try and find a way out of this place.
I felt like there were different levels to reality stemming from heaven all the way to hell and i had destroyed heaven by being a sinner and making mistakes. I felt that i had betrayed my loved ones and that i was stealing life energy from the people around me. That i was creating some sort of energy chimera (not sure if that is the word) made with different body parts of the people around me.
In my head i thought the hospital was hell, and i had reached a certain level of hell as the world burned outside. I even smelt the smoke. I felt that i was being added to a group of zombies being studied and that they were going to use my body for parts. Like they were going to take out my lungs and use them for other zombies.
I kept thinking in my head that the staff was waiting for me to get up and start working in order to not get killed and that they were at any minute going to hand me a guidebook on how to survive in the zombie apocolypse. I thought that by doing this i would be rewarded with cybernetic parts to alleviate pressure in certain parts of my body.
After awhile i laid in bed and began to hallucinate that one eyed cyclops's were coming in to my room to eat me.  I felt like i was being opened up and they and lesser zombies were eating my insides. I visually saw these things when i would stare into the dark. I saw several things in the dark. A large floating eye. Text. At one point i felt like i had a gun to my head and that i got shot in the head. I could feel the blood spilling out.
The next day i kept hearing my mom’s voice talking to the nursing staff but when i would go outside no one was there
It's crazy that i'm beginning to remember this as if it was an actual memory.
It's because i'm off my ________
I can’t even say the word because i’m paranoid that something will happen because of it.
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jeremy-sant0s · 7 years ago
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No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice. – Unknown
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jeremy-sant0s · 7 years ago
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I accept that i am schizophrenic
I see it but I can’t explain it, so I withdraw until I can make something of it. 
Love it or hate it, I’m a slave to contemplate it. 
Not forever. Art is a part of me. 
My consciousness and existence is a dream, but don’t look down on me, because so is yours and I love you for it. 
I’m an alien in my own mind. I’ve woken up from sweating some nightmares I’ve created. 
Lost in time, running through continuous loops in my mind, realizing this isn’t what I felt at the time. 
I’m Guided, not haunted, by ghosts and the dead. I used to run from them until I realized their smiles and so one night we started to converse and put together the pieces. 
One day you’ll see it too if you don’t already do. 
Nothing is ever lost.
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jeremy-sant0s · 7 years ago
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The things that save us can become what ruins us. What kills us. Changes us into something that we no longer recognize. 
I have to escape. 
To become who i was before i was force fed the “cure”. 
Somewhere deep within i know i still exist. Hidden away, lying dormant. Slowly withering away as the time passes.
I look into the mirror and think, I’ve killed as you. I loved as you. I ran from you.
Reality blurring into nothingness until i can barely see myself looking back.
But i will find you once more. 
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jeremy-sant0s · 7 years ago
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Haunted
I’ve been dreaming about ghosts and the past. I wake up feeling beyond blessed for my life in the present and I feel relieved. Especially when the day takes hold and the dreams fade away. Yet I’m weirded out that certain things still weigh heavy on my subconscious.
Somethings I pray I never forget and other things I wish I could erase from my mind.
What you do to others; Love them. Leave them. Kill them. It buries itself deep within you.
What others do to you is the same.
If I could I would just talk to you now or let you go.
Yet you are dead.
For others still living, simply different in the present. I am sure you wouldn’t understand or even care.
It could be that I never really knew you at all.
Yet at one point in time it was everything to me. If I failed to make that clear, I’m sorry. I find myself talking to your ghost more often than i’d like to. 
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jeremy-sant0s · 11 years ago
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Just lost in my thoughts again. I'm a madman livin' out a life of sin. Never knowin' what path that I'm in. Erratic, ecstatic, murderous, superfluous, dyin' inside; My mind is a fire and I'm cryin' inside, burnin' alive. Wonderin' if I'll ever win, I'm down and I'm out and I'm broke again. No matter what I do, what I say, I'm back to square one; Wonderin' when the life that I'm livin' will eventually end. So wasted inside I've been through a place where other men would've died, better men should've survived. Now the life that I lead is full of doubt inside, but the trials that I've faced shed light on the love that's inside, and I breath deep down a will to survive. If there's a heaven up above I thank God I'm alive. Don't make the mistakes I've made are the words I will pass down to my child. No regrets doesn't mean you should be wild. Find meaning in the now instead of drowning your sorrows dreaming of a better tomorrow, today, or the future will come to pass and you're still not awake. Cryin' hell just takes you back through time to a place literally designed to blow your mind. Never rewind. The shells when they fly, I wake up and I open my eyes, thinkin' that, thinkin' back.
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jeremy-sant0s · 12 years ago
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The build up
Don't forget to focus on the things which rejuvenate your stress. If you carry your stress with you, you will bring it into, every aspect of your life. Then you will realize, and feel like, you can only relax when you're by yourself.
I'll do my best.
Understand that you already are. Otherwise you'll add just a little bit more to your own stress. You see the truth is we're all constantly learning how to manage our own situations. With life and time you simply get stronger as you tolerate, adapt, and overcome more without hesitations.
Pain is the marker of change.
And the only things we can truly ever own.
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jeremy-sant0s · 12 years ago
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Sanctuary of Confidence.
I am at peace when I am carefree. I am at peace when I shield myself from the energy of the world around me. I am at peace when I am blocking out the massive influx of information constantly attempting to distract my perspective away from the reality of the present moment.
I am at peace when I let every breath strengthen my stance, constantly improving who I am with each breath, inhaling life, and exhaling all which does not serve me.
I am at peace when I allow myself the power to tower over the judgmental eyes, both positive and negative, of those all around me. I am at peace when I utilize my talents, gifts and powers to uplift those who return the love I give, and those who do not.
In this sanctuary of confidence I am free. In this state of mind I can be anyone or do anything I want to do because in my eyes I am perfect and feel nothing but unconditional love for myself and all that I do.
It is not my job to focus on others though I have been both blessed and cursed with the ability to read the physical and emotional bodies of those around me.
My only job is to focus on my own physical and emotional body. My only job is to believe in myself, reflecting on myself and constantly striving to make the decisions which will lead  me towards the path of my highest excitements and greatest joys.
It is not my job to concern myself with the opinions of others. It is not my job to follow anything or anybody.
My sole purpose in this life is to continually rise with unrelenting ferocity towards a state of love, peace, and happiness.
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jeremy-sant0s · 12 years ago
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Heart of deception.
Sometimes I have difficulty moving on when things happen to me. As I meditate on it I come to find that sometimes it is as simple as changing my surroundings. Simply being in a place where negativity breeds can be suffocating.
I must be reminded to shield myself from the negativity. I must focus on my own energy in order to free myself. I refuse to submit to anybody trying to hold me down for I am free.
The things people say to try and bring you down says more about them than it does about you.
Constantly recognize who basks and resides in the true self and who is pre-screening themselves for the world. Only acting upon what they believe it is you want to see, then reverting to their true nature when you are not around. Truly see who is keeping it real and being genuine towards you.
Question your reality and transcend your own circumstances. If your circumstance is negative then in truth transcendence is the only way to find the way to the positivity and freedom of the light. Yet it starts with you. You must be the one to liberate yourself from the bonds, beliefs and chains of other people which do not serve you.
To rise up from bondage is to acknowledge and recognize the strength within yourself you never knew you had. To discover your own strength is to see the world in a whole new perspective.
Fear is useless and only serves you if you do not wish to separate yourself from the world you have come to know. To leave your fears behind is to truly become a pioneer boldly exploring the real world of the present moment all around you.
To subject yourself to the world of negativity and fear is to accept the beliefs of others as they hold you back from living the life you truly want to live. In the most literal way I can put it, living your own life.
To subject yourself is to promote escapism. To subject yourself promotes the vicious cycles of unending suffering. To subject yourself is to train yourself to walk the path of pain and hatred.
I find that for me, I must finally be okay with myself. I must finally be okay with where I’ve been and acknowledge on some level that I was the one who brought myself to my own suffering. That the victim of my circumstance was a role I chose to play. These are notions I must accept in order to move on. In order to let go of the past.
Protect yourself by not being false. Be aware of those around you and recognize the people who are genuine, yet protect yourself from the lies of those who are not. Be wary of those who overly project aspects of themselves because more often than not they do so in order to compensate for the things they are trying to hide from the world.
Protect your own progress by not being false. Deception and the acceptance of those who will deceive you is equivalent to being the one who deceives. To accept the lies someone presents to you instead of rejecting the lie is equivalent to being a liar.
Personally, I will continue to lead myself to the truth by following my own heart, my own mind, and my own sense of freedom and direction. I will do so because I am capable beyond those who only serve to drag me into the darkness of their own souls.
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jeremy-sant0s · 12 years ago
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Space is only infinite because it transcends our perception.
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jeremy-sant0s · 12 years ago
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Abstract 3 is a creator owned one shot written by Seth Jacob and illustrated by Ramon Villalobos. 
The Abstract 3 is a superhero team that specializes in dealing with abstract threats that are surreal and incomprehensible. Dr. Abstract, Lady Plasma, and The Mass are the founders and sole share holders of a multibillion dollar corporation that produces comics, cartoons, and films based on their superheroics…but a strange being from beyond space and time reveals that Dr. Abstract’s incredible success as CEO of Abstract 3 Incorporated is not what it seems.
News on how you can read Abstract 3 and more preview images will be up soon.
EMBRACE ABSTRACTION
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jeremy-sant0s · 12 years ago
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Feeling good.
Art, writing, and making music. When you release all the shit in your life that has a hold on you, you look down at it all through your mediums. Literally and figuratively in life. Transcend the bullshit.
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jeremy-sant0s · 12 years ago
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I am drawing further away from the abstract and drawing closer to reality. It feels much like "firsts." I listen to music and truly hear the instruments. I am present for the emotion and do not apply any of my being to the movement. Instead, I am moved. I am swayed by a loss of control to the beauty and freedom of the sound. I am present in the presence of the love I have chosen to surround myself with. Words anchor in my mind as i allow myself to truly listen and connect without interruption to contemplate an opinion. Most times, i know my own is not needed. The simple act of comprehension and the look of understanding, exchanged, is more powerful than a thousand convoluted thoughts strewn together from a sea of truth and lies. I breathe and every breath finds purpose as my lungs fill with life. I exhale and leave behind what i cannot use again.
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jeremy-sant0s · 12 years ago
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jeremy-sant0s · 12 years ago
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19. 600 ft down (by Henry Patton)
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jeremy-sant0s · 12 years ago
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