jess-has-issues - Tumblr blog

[jess-has-issues]

I wish I had the confidence that they seem to have

I’m always so in awe of girls who are bigger and are happy and thriving, they wear what they want, they don’t let their weight hold them back from being happy, they don’t let their weight keep them from going out and doing things with friends, they’re happy and fulfilled, I can see that they don’t let their weight control their life, they don’t wake up every single day of their lives hating their bodies. I admire them for that so much.

[jess-has-issues]

03/03/2024

Little did I know that after this I would have a lot slip-ups over the next few years. But I'm currently at 284 days and I really want to hit a year without self-harm.

12/07/2018

I haven’t cut/scratched myself in 6 years. And before that relapse, it had been 5 years. So in the last 11 years I’ve only had one notable bout with cutting/scratching. So why is it that when I get upset or overly stressed the first thing that pops in my head is the desire to slice my fucking arm open??? Will the urges ever go away???

[jess-has-issues]

03/03/2024

Did you take your medicine today??? If not, you should probably go and take them. They won't help if you leave them in the bottle

[jess-has-issues]

[jess-has-issues]

I’m so sorry that no one protected you when you needed it <3

[jess-has-issues]

10/31/2023 (Happy Halloween)

[jess-has-issues]

[jess-has-issues]

10/26/2023

[jess-has-issues]

10/25/2023

My fiancè and I are meant to hang out with friends tomorrow. There will be food and probably drinks. And I'm freaking out about the amount of calories that I will be expected to consume. I can not drink on an empty stomach. I'll skip drunk and go straight to being sick. So in order to drink, I'll have to eat. I could just not drink, but I need to drink to be properly social even with friends that I really like. So idk what to do. . .skip the drinking and be anxious or eat enough to drink so that I can be comfortable and just make up for it later. . .

[jess-has-issues]

10/03/2023

I got forgetful with my meds and now I'm suffering because of it. . .I'm so stupid. Now I have to definitely make sure that I remember them so that I can feel better. I know better, how could I be so fucking stupid???

[jess-has-issues]

[jess-has-issues]

give her self confidence and orgasms

[jess-has-issues]

i want to rip the skin off my body

[jess-has-issues]

[jess-has-issues]

06/07/2023

⚠TW- read with caution⚠

I thought that I'd be better or dead by now. As a teen I honestly thought that my mental illnesses would just go away as I got older. I thought I'd grow out of them. Well, now I'm 31 and still struggling with all the same issues. Still have bipolar, still have bpd, still have an ed. I have been working on recovery for almost 2 years though. I have had several lapses. Oh crap, I'm ranting. I'll get back to my point. I'm kinda tired of living with my brain. I'd like a brain that doesn't have all of these issues.

Mental illnesses don't just away

[jess-has-issues]

[jess-has-issues]

06/06/2023

One of the hardest parts about going no contact with my mom is that I miss talking to her. I don't miss some of the things she was saying and asking, but I miss the conversations. I have exactly one person that I talk to everyday. I mean my mom and I talked 3 days a week. That was a boundary I put in place, at the recommendation of my old therapist, to try and help our relationship. (It worked for a while) I miss talking to someone. Yeah talking to customers and coworkers is nice but it is not the same. I have friends. But I don't get to see or chat with them. They have busy lives and I don't want to bother them. But I desperately need a friend that I can chat with.

Just in case it isn't clear, I have a crippling case of social anxiety. I am terrified that everyone hates me or will hate me. And if I am the one starting a conversation I feel like I'm being annoying and that I am bothering the person. Making friends is very difficult for me. I have very few friends that weren't friends with my fiancé first.