joelleindaylight

[joelleindaylight]

What are you drinking this morning? 🥂 #procreatelettering #mimosas #lettering #digitalart #digitalillustration #calligraphy #lettering #handlettering #calligraphylettering #calligraphyart #calligraphypractice #mimosasallday #digitalartist https://www.instagram.com/p/CKuIRxogyUp/?igshid=1pcyizsvhi16w

[joelleindaylight]

Don’t you know that your worth isn’t measured by your productivity? That’s what all the Insta-quotes are saying these days. As much as I love and agree with the sentiment, it is so much easier said than done. Even before the pandemic I knew that 2020 was going to be my last events season. But then it didn’t happen, and now I find myself without a job or work to define me. It makes me feel so...useless. Which I know I’m not. I have value in other ways. Remi asked me recently, “how do you help people mommy?” We like to tell him that daddy has to go to work to help people with their brains, so this was his way of asking me what I do for work. The question made me sad. I told him I don’t have a job that helps people, but I do like to create beautiful things. His response? “So you’re an artist?” Hellooooooo imposter syndrome. I have always shied away from that label for myself because I don’t see the value in what I create. I don’t work with actual paint and I can’t draw to save my life. But that day I said yes, I’m an artist. He said cool, and went back to his toys. But I’ve felt it in my heart ever since. I’m an artist. Maybe that’s part of my value and my worth too. #procreatelettering #calligraphy #jesuisunartiste #lettering #alcoholink Brushes by @alainajensen | REPOSTED with edits to text. https://www.instagram.com/p/CKez_3cg8fG/?igshid=1u1ajakie817j

[joelleindaylight]

Lithium and Clonodine and Lexapro and Inderal: thank you for making me function. I’m so thankful I have access to medication that works for me. It’s been a little trial and error, but so far I’m doing well! All of these are for my mental health, including the Clonodine and Inderal for anxiety. #mymeds #medicationmanagement #medication #mentalhealth #mentalillness #bipolar #depression #anxiety https://www.instagram.com/p/CKJ5EVqgfJu/?igshid=1mqkwphtcik8g

[joelleindaylight]

You’re a cowboy like me... @taylorswift @taylornation #calligraphy #taylorswift #taylorswiftfanart #taylorswiftlyrics #procreatelettering #procreate #procreateart #procreatedesign #handlettering #swiftie #taylorswiftlyrics #taylorswiftfanart #cowboylikeme #evermorealbum #evermoretaylorswift #evermore https://www.instagram.com/p/CKKXFcFgdvy/?igshid=c6ccvsutc6ur

[joelleindaylight]

New Year’s resolutions lost their allure a long time ago, but there is something about January 1, 2021 that feels special. I mean, we made it through 2020 so even on the first day of the year we’ve accomplished something. I don’t have a word of the year or any big self development goals because, well, I’m doing BIG self development work as it is. What I am looking forward to are incremental improvements, consistent routines, and ironing out some bigger life goals in the process. The bad luck we’ve been having as a world didn’t end at the stroke of midnight. We still have so much work to do as a community and country. And when the work is done, there is healing. 2021 is not going to be easy, by any means. But I’m sure I’m not the only one who at least feels a fresh surge of energy to kick ass. Wishing you and yours a year full of joy and triumph, of turning inward and cultivating a new sense of home and self in a post-2020 world. I love you. #happynewyear #cheers #procreatelettering #affirmations #procreate #procreateart #newyear #calligraphy #lettering #handlettering #digitalart #newbeginnings https://www.instagram.com/p/CJg2gTFgCEq/?igshid=15a3dfu1gcqhm

[joelleindaylight]

My journey with Taylor Swift began in 2009, when I heard Love Story for the first time while driving. Two days later, my high school sweetheart proposed to me and I walked down the aisle to Love Story a year later.

For the next eleven years, Taylor would accompany my during some of my darkest moments.

I was lucky enough to see a few of her performances in person from the early 2010s: the 2010 VMAs, a show she did on Hollywood Blvd. for Speak Now, both Red and Speak Now shows, and her performance for Ellen when Red came out.

In 2014, I went through a really difficult time and was hospitalized involuntarily for suicidal thoughts. It was a really traumatic experience, and two days after being released I had a panic attack in my psychiatrist’s office. I was terrified of being sent back to the hospital, and could barely hold it together.

In the car ride home, Shake it Off was released on the radio. It played on Monday, August 18, 2014 for the first time, and I went home and danced to that song on repeat for an hour. I literally shook off my panic attack, rather than go back to Xanax.

The next month I was invited to her 1989 Secret Sessions. After one of the most difficult months of my life, she’d given me an experience that could help bring me out of my depression (along with therapy, medication, and a lot of support from family and friends).

I got to hold her cats, talk to her mom, and eat her baking. We listened and cried to 1989, and then danced to Kendrick Lamar in her living room.

After 2014, I was shunned by a lot of my friends and the industry in which I worked (I was a small business owner). I was told not to share my story and my experience, but I knew that it was important for people to know that they aren’t alone in their mental health struggles.

I got my first tattoo on January 1, 2015. In script up my spine, from tailbone to hairline, it says: “This is the golden age of something good and right and real.”

In 2016, my best friend of 10 years dumped me after I had my first child. She claimed I was a toxic person, and suddenly I found myself with only half my friends left.

Reputation came out in 2017, and she once again wrote me another album. I felt like I was just trying to keep my head above water, and was reacting to feeling of betrayal and abandonment that I’d gotten from my friends leaving me for no reason other than I had a mental illness.

I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. When Lover was released in 2019, I felt like I could finally breathe again. The entire album was so full of hope and joy, two things that I cling to when my world gets dark. In the years between Reputation and Lover, I had my second (and last) child. He completed my family, and it felt like the hurt was finally starting to heal. For me, Daylight is the most meaningful song on that album, for so many reasons. I want to be defined by the things I love now, too.

Obviously we all had a really terrible 2020. We joke that Taylor saved the year, but it’s exceptionally true for me. I know I’ve already written a novel, so kudos if you’re still with me.

I’ll mention briefly that our journey to being outspoken advocates for justice also parallel, and I’ve been telling people for years that she feels so much more than what she is allowed to say. To see her finally receive credit for being a decent human being is a refreshing, but I think we’ve all known that she has been held back for awhile now. I definitely relate to that journey of speaking out about right vs. wrong and having an obligation to take a stand when you have a platform.

My ten year wedding anniversary was July 23, 2020. She released folklore on the 24th (or 9pm PST on 7/23), which meant that I got to listen to the album for the first time with my husband, ten years to the day after walking down the aisle to Love Story.

August has always been the worst month of the year for me. It’s the month I was hospitalized the first time. This year it was the month of my grandfather’s funeral and the month that I lost another group of close friends. I’m writing a novel now, called When August Ends. It’s about a whirlwind romance during the month of August. Because of Taylor’s gift, I think I may be able to change the meaning of the month for me.

I went back to the hospital in November, this time on my own. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed for a long time, and everything just came to a really low point this fall. For the past three weeks, I’ve been working on myself through an intensive therapy program. After adjusting medication and doing some much needed soul searching (again, via professional help), I’m coming out a much better person.

The first time I heard evermore, I cried. I cried big, fat, ugly tears. Because for the first time in a very, very long time, I had a peculiar feeling this pain wouldn’t be for evermore.

Thank for you for letting me share my story. I wish you all a beautiful end to the year 💜

[joelleindaylight]

It’s a good day to wear a beret 💕 https://www.instagram.com/p/CIeBGMYg3kd/?igshid=1361qr8ndov9c

[joelleindaylight]

If you know me at all, you know that I’m already insufferable when it comes to @taylorswift. And that’s when she puts out an album every two years 🎵 we’ve gotten three albums in eighteen months! Happy birthday to the one artist that has been there for me through everything 💜 #swiftie #swifties #swiftmas #taylorswift #taylornation @taylornation #procreatelettering #procreatecalligraphy #calligraphy #timmcgraw #thinkofme #lettering https://www.instagram.com/p/CIwi25iga00/?igshid=1co4es6sqs4ix

[joelleindaylight]

✨ W H Y ✨ Have you ever heard of depersonalization? Even if you haven’t, it’s likely you’ve felt this way at one time or another (though don’t quote me on that, I’m not a professional). Depersonalization, or the detachment from oneself, is a lovely part of my own mental illness. It’s great fun to lie awake at night, wondering if you’re actually a real human being. When I say great fun, I mean it can be scary as hell. It can also be enlightening. So why am I doing all this? Well, what does it mean to be a person? What does it mean to have a relationship with another person? What does it mean to judge or admire or desire or hate another person? This is me exploring my own humanity. It’s a way for me to experience life and love and sexuality and passion. I’m trying to be one of the brave ones. If you’ve known me for any amount of time, you know that I’ve never been the most modest person when it comes to showing off my body. What I’m doing now is completely different than anything I’ve done before, but not because I would have been scared before. The explosion of sex positivity has made owning your own sexuality hot and sexy, two things I love feeling. So, here I am. And yes, my husband approves. He gets to build up his own collection of pictures too 😋 #selfie #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #doubleexposure https://www.instagram.com/p/CIRnyy9ArNC/?igshid=vf3b3iechby6

[joelleindaylight]

I may be young, but I like to think I know a thing or two. Well, I used to think so. Now I’m not so sure. But I’m ready and willing to learn. #calligraphy #calligraphyquote #procreatelettering #procreatecalligraphy #taylorswift #cardigan #folklore #folkloretaylorswift #taylorswift #taylorswiftfanart #taylorswiftlyrics #quotes #quoteoftheday #beginagain https://www.instagram.com/p/CICkC2lBzk-/?igshid=18rmgu5lrfns