kdesherlia

[kdesherlia]

Loving Yourself

“I was damned and you were saved And I never knew how enslaved I was kneeling in the chains of my master”

    Often times people get told, “before you can love, you have to love yourself”…

People don’t understand how hard it is for someone with depression to love themselves. I am not saying that it isn’t possible, but it is just harder.

We often feel as if we are not worthy of love, even though…

[kdesherlia]

I'm Gonna Strangle You with Christmas Lights!

I’m Gonna Strangle You with Christmas Lights!

“I love music. It’s freedom, a way to deal with pent-up frustration.” – Ice Cube

  Let’s Face it. Everyone will get frustrated every now and again. It is a part of life. However, when you have depression it can be so much worse.

That little annoyance that makes you pinch the bridge of your nose, well it turns into a huge blow up fight and it can put you down for weeks.

Now, it is okay to be…

[kdesherlia]

Update! Ugh

So, I finally made it back to my OBGYN.

The 4 months of Birth Control did not do what the doctor wanted it to do, so I have been scheduled for a Hysteroscopy. Basically, that means she is going to put me under anesthesia and take parts of my lining on my cervix, and biopsy parts of my Fallopian Tubes and Uterus.

So, then I get told that she is going to biopsy all this and then put in an IUD.

Here…

[kdesherlia]

You Will Be Found!

You Will Be Found!

“Even when the dark comes crashing through When you need a friend to carry you And when you’re broken on the ground You will be found

So let the sun come streaming in ‘Cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again Lift your head and look around You will be found”

  I am a huge fan of music. I like all kinds of music, except Screamo… I can’t … That is something that I am not ever going to get into.

[kdesherlia]

We are All Refillable!

We are All Refillable!

“I wish I could go back to a time when i could smile and it didn’t take everything in me to do it”

Your body is a glass. Good days it is half full, bad days half empty.

Not once do we ever stop to think, hey the glass can be refilled.

Depression is very similar to that. When we have those up moments, we are on top of the world and nothing can ever bring us down, until that moment that the dark…

[kdesherlia]

Trying to Fight an Uphill Battle

Trying to Fight an Uphill Battle

 “You will feel better than this, maybe not yet, but you will. You just keep living until you are alive again.”

    People never really tell you that depression can hurt you physically. It is no longer just a mental thing. It is that moment when a single butter knife lying in an empty kitchen sink, sets you off in frustration, and causes your whole mood to change and not for the better.

They…

[kdesherlia]

It Just Hurts Sometimes

It Just Hurts Sometimes

“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”

  Sometimes there are just moments when you hurt. It can be for any number of reasons.

I often have moments where I just want to escape and have a completely different life and be free of any mental health…

[kdesherlia]

Depression is not only feeling sad

Depression is not only feeling sad

Today my forest is dark. The trees are sad and all the butterflies have broken wings.

  People automatically just assume that is someone has depression they just feel sad.

WRONG!

From my own experience, depression is much more than just feeling “sad”

It is feeling out of control of your life, feeling like you aren’t good enough at anything, feeling unworthy of love, being angry and pissed off at…

[kdesherlia]

'Bout Time! Finally beat the rash of Satan!

‘Bout Time! Finally beat the rash of Satan!

So on March 16, when I finally got my results from my biopsy stating that it could be my medication causing the rash. I spoke with the Gyno to talk about stopping the Spironolactone.

Here it is 8 days later, I am almost completely healed up. No breakouts, no sores, no itchy spots, nada.

The dermatologist did recommend that whenever I was completely healed to get Mederma Scar Cream with SPF, Scar…

[kdesherlia]

Rash of Satan - Continued!

Rash of Satan – Continued!

Recently, I had posted about getting a pretty nasty rash that I keep breaking out with several bumps at time from taking the Spironolactone.

Since that post, the first day after I stopped it, I had several blisters appear on my arm. Here it is 3 days later, and no blisters, no breakouts and everything looks to be wanting to heal up.

I understand that I am going to be scarred really bad. And the…

[kdesherlia]

The Rash of Satan!

The Rash of Satan!

So, I started breaking out in these bumps… Then they would turn into huge blisters and then the blisters would pop, causing these huge sores.

I have been back and forth for tests and to the dermatologist and all this to find out that I have superficial and mid perivascular dermatitis with eosinophilia. Which seemed to be caused by my water pill, the Spironolactone.

Did not even think that this…

[kdesherlia]

I Love my Period - Said No One Ever!

I Love my Period – Said No One Ever!

Well, last night I had started to worry about if I was going to get my period or not. I am just one pill away from being on my 3rd pack of Birth control. So, not starting was freaking me out a bit.

Having a conversation with my boyfriends mom about why cramping hurts me so much but other people seem to be all like, eh.. I told her that I hadn’t started yet. Her exact words ” You will start…

[kdesherlia]

Follow Up on Diabetes

Follow Up on Diabetes

So, I ended up seeing my new doctor. Looks like I am not diabetic. I had to have a fasting glucose test. Let me say, I was starving by time I got to the clinic. I went down to the lab, where 5 vials of blood where drawn.

Because I am having severe muscle cramping and fatigue as well as general malaise, she wanted to run a few more tests than what was scheduled. She tried to test my reflexes,…

[kdesherlia]

Predestined for Diabetes

So, recently I was telling you guys that I thought my potassium was really low. I had to fight to even get the blood work for it, but finally got it figured out… Nope

F Piccolo K 3.90 3.60-5.10 (MMO/L)

That was my potassium result. It is a bit low, but it is still in the normal range.

Then When I got my results, I was told that I have to come back in to have more blood work done. I asked…

[kdesherlia]

Why I Oughta....

Why I Oughta….

So, I have been dealing with a lot of issues since the OB-GYN put me on the Lisinpril and Spironolactone….

Let’s just say, my whole body feels like one giant muscle cramp. Like, everytime I am walking, I am getting severe charlie horses in my calves, then when I am lifting things, it is a cramp in my arms. I tried eating foods rich in potassium along with my supplements to see if that would work……

[kdesherlia]

Healthy Breakfast - Not Exactly my cup of tea!

Healthy Breakfast – Not Exactly my cup of tea!

I was recommended this breakfast as a healthy way to maintain my weight with PCOS…. Ugh…

Personally, I did try it but I absolutely did not like it one bit.

I hate mushrooms – like the seriously make me gag. Oranges are okay, but they often hurt my teeth due to Dilantin eating most of the enamel off my teeth.

Not to mention, this just did not seem like it was a lot and unfortunately, I still felt…

[kdesherlia]

Frustration

So, I am almost done with my second month of Ortho-Tri-Cyclen and honestly, I am getting pretty down about this whole situation.

Recently, since starting on the birth control, I have noticed many changes.

I am dropping weight a bit easier.

I am not as super moody like I used to be.

I am getting more active as I don’t feel constantly fatigued.

But….

I am becoming super depressed about how everyone…