keatposting

[keatposting]

Its 5am and ive been up w/ a debilitating migraine and i had some stupid family fuck shit happen and the Angry™️ part of my brain is stewing & i need to let it out

Im a 23 y/o adult currently still living with my parents and my step mom recently just had the bright idea to try & start doing parenting shit to me bc im currently jobless bc health reasons & disability

And its like

Why now?? Why after 20 years of neglect, abuse, and other fuck shit did you decide now is the perfect time to try and parent me. Its fucking stupid. Then again her fucking calorically starved brain can hardly rub 2 neurons together to remember or form a coherent thought for itself so its a wonder shes even trying

And like

The other part of me is kind of “well i guess its better late than never to try & do this whole “family communication” shit. But i think im so pissed and fed up w/ it bc my brain has essentially completely divorced itself from the concept of having or being in a family in the first place. The concept of eventually taking what i can pack & leaving my family behind & never returning or keeping in contact is pretty solidified and is likely going to be the outcome one day bc im tired of trying with them.

They’re never going to love or accept me in a way that matters so theyre already essentially dead to me and ive come to already mentally accept that loss and am ready to move it on.

[keatposting]

Listen, Body™️;

Can we for one fucking- just One Fucking Day go without the agonies. No headache. No neck/shoulder pain. No poopy problems.

I know im close to having to do my stupid migraine injection again but goddamn you really couldnt stick it out a lil longer?

Im so tired of chronic migraine/headache bullshit

Im going to get to the bottom of this issue before i get kicked off my parents insurance. I cannot live the rest of my life like this.

[keatposting]

Venting here bc its the only safe place i can.

My father went on a bender this weekend while i was at alexs & my step mom was in texas. I cane back home from surgery to him drunk & the house a mess. My step mom & siblings came home to the same thing. My siblings are thankfully at our grandparents today.

I truly feel one day my dad will eventually end up all alone. I pray to whatever is out there that my step mom wisens up and divorces him (she probably wont bc Christianity is a hell of a drug) but a man can dream. I want my father to face the consequences of his actions in a brutal way. Perhaps its a craving for catharsis. Perhaps its hoping for mercy for my siblings. Im just tired of feeling trapped observing this insane cycle of abuse repeat itself in my life. Im so tired of suffering it too.

[keatposting]

I got a hysterectomy on 06/23 and im recovering really well & im very happy abt it all :)

[keatposting]

Im feeling so Disabled & full of The Illnesses & Agonies lately and im so Tired & Exhausted of feeling like poopy garbage!!!! Augh!!! Im going to the doctor today and hopefully maybe something can be done or started that can help but ashgagjdadhgds

[keatposting]

• Quit my job (Dollar Hell)

• Fucked my sleep schedule

• Forgot my meds

• Body making sure It Hates Me (migraines)

Were on a spiral babey!!!

[keatposting]

Very stressed abt work. I dont want to work physical labour jobs bc they have consistently made my health worse but when its all u can get….. also Work Socialising is so draining when ur autistic. Esp retail. My chronic illnesses also dont fucking help anything ever. Had the worst migraine ive had in a long time today & had to call out of work and my boss was a bitch abt it. Like i can control the rate & intensity of which migraine happens.

Agony.

[keatposting]

When u chronic illness might make u lose ur job bc min wage jobs are abysmal 😃🙃🙃🫠

[keatposting]

Feeling very restless and unfulfilled lately. I figured out my picking habit & what underlies it but that has only helped so much. Ive been sleeping 12+ hours and not eating throughout the day and its very 😬😬😬 but idk why ive been doing so and its not been helping my mood any. I dont feel hunger or sleep or anything right currently. Its strange.