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Forever

Our ‘almost’ will always haunt me.

r.r.

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Sinubukan kong kalimutan ka. Sinubukan kong gumawa ng kahit na anong katarantaduhan o kagaguhan para lang magalit ka sakin at talikuran ako. pero bakit ganun? Hinahanap pa din kita. Palagi ka pa ding sumasagi sa isip ko. Astig no? wala ka namang ginawa or anything pero eto ako sobrang into you. Bakit ganun? Ewan ko din. Alam mo kung sakali mang umuwi ako hindi ko alam kung may lakas pa ba ko ng loob na humarap at magpakita sayo (pero alam ko naman ding sobrang labong mangyari neto). Siguro... tulad nalang ng dati dadalaw sa mga tropang malapit sainyo at titingin sayo sa malayong distansya. Stalker lang? haha. Sa totoo lang gusto ko lang malaman mo na andito lang ako andito pa din ako. Humihiling ng kasiyahan at safety mo sa araw araw. Humihiling na sana parati kang ingatan ng taong minamahal mo at wag na wag sasaktan yung damdamin mo. Siguro dadating din yung panahon na okay na. Na hindi ka na sasagi sa isip ko. pero eto lang gusto kong tandaan mo. habambuhay kang may mahalagang pwesto dito sa puso ko. kasi nga diba I love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus.

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I don't actually know why I put myself into this situation all I want is to have revenge for the pain that I felt before. Little did I know that I'm putting myself into a much worse situation. Something that is not easy to get out or should I say it's not easy because I don't fucking know how to get out. I started this yet I don't know how to end it or I know but I don't have the guts to do so. I'm weak I'm miserable and I'm bringing an innocent person down together with me. I'm a fckng coward, a loser. I'm someone that should've not existed since the beginning. I pretend I'm strong yet I'm broken in a million tiny pieces inside. I don't know if I'm still alive or I'm just a negative presence. I didn't know myself anymore. I. don't. know.

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“You can listen to silence and learn from it. It has a quality and a dimension all its own.”

— Chaim Potok (via philosophyquotes)

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Read More here: 6 Ways to Handle Embarrassment - Psych2Go

Follow @psych2go for more

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