kleverarachnid

[kleverarachnid]

No Happy Endings?

Ch. 2: Natasha Pt. 2

Summary: Natasha continues on her journey to find Victoria.

Full Story on AO3: Here

It's ready 

Natasha read the text from Rick and sighed. The past week had gone excruciatingly slow, and she knew the next three weeks would be the same. Ross was close to finding her and she had to throw him off her trail and get to Norway without getting captured. Easy enough, especially since Ross was too arrogant and overconfident to think he was being outsmarted.  

Tony wasn't helpful at all, which shouldn't have surprised her, but she was annoyed the first few days when she had to find a way around on her own with only a couple hundred dollars she had stashed. It was enough to buy a ticket on a boat and pay someone to stash her suit somewhere to throw Ross off. Now she stood in a small bathroom on said boat, watching him fall for her trap as she cleaned her face. 

She tied her hair that had gotten longer than she's had it in years back into a bun. Victoria once told her she liked it when her hair was short, and Natasha kept it short for the past 3 years. Then she disappeared and Natasha had been letting it grow for the past year so now it fell down on her back.  

She grabbed her phone when she saw dozens of agents storm the building she was supposedly in and just watched. They were getting closer to where her suit was hidden, and she just couldn't help herself. She called him just to add salt to the wound. 

"Yeah?" he answered wearily. 

"Don't do this," she warned although she knew he wouldn't listen. 

"Do what?" 

"Come after me. I mean, you're embarrassing yourself. It looks desperate."  

"Thought you'd be calling me to cut a deal," he smugly replied. She put the phone down so she could pull on her hoodie. "Cause from my vantage point, it's the federal fugitive who's desperate." 

"From my vantage point, you look like you could use some bed rest," she mocked. "What is this, your second triple bypass?" 

"I wouldn't worry about me. We got Barton, we got Wilson and that other guy, the incredible shrinking convict. Rogers is on the run." She clenched her jaw and held back the retort on the tip of her tongue. He only got them because they were all in one place. "You got no friends. Where you gonna go?" 

"I've lived a lot of lives before I met you, Ross. You shouldn't have gone through all this trouble. I'm done." She hung up the phone before he could reply, not wanting him to hear the despair in her voice.  

She was ready for the next three weeks to pass. She would go with Tony to find Victoria and bring her home. And then she would retire. It was time and she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her days curled against Victoria. She wanted to go out to the middle of nowhere and build a house in the woods for her and Victoria, to have a family like Clint. She wanted— 

She undid the bun she had just put up, needing to do something so she wasn't stuck with her thoughts, and she exited the boat's bathroom, the bitter air hitting her cheeks. She turned around from the blowing wind and headed toward the edge of the boat. She leaned against it and looked around before discreetly discarding her phone into the water. She wouldn't be needing it anymore.  

It was cold, and although it was something she was used to from living in Russia majority of her life and then in New York, she was still only human, and she shivered lightly when another strong breeze flew past her. She pulled her hood over her head and stayed outside for a few more minutes to watch the water.  

~~~ 

3 Years Ago  

It was warm outside, the sun out proudly and shining brightly, no grey clouds unlike the day before when it was storming heavily. Even with the fresh air and some space for the first time in two weeks, Natasha still felt as if something was suffocating her and weighing heavily on her shoulders. She felt relaxed, comfortable even, something she should not feel while on a mission. She was supposed to be alert and ready for the unexpected, but instead she was slipping and she didn’t know why. She stopped walking when she realized she didn’t know where she was and growled lowly in frustration with herself. She tried to think of the path she took to reach the park she found herself at but was struggling with even that.   

“Shit,” she swore under her breath.   

She turned, trying to find the safehouse she was sharing with Victoria somewhere in the distance but it was nowhere in sight. She took a deep breath to calm herself and tried to think logically. The sun hadn’t moved much from its position since she had been outside so she hadn’t been walking for long, which meant she couldn’t have walked that far. Nodding to herself, she strode over to an empty bench and plopped down.  

There were a group of about five young boys playing soccer, or more accurately football. They were completely carefree and they moved with simplicity, the effects of a happy childhood. They looked no older than ten years old and she allowed herself a moment to remember her brief time in Ohio when she was allowed to be a kid, even if it was just for pretend. She normally didn’t allow herself to think of that time, of those people she called family for three years and doing so now was just another testament of how out of sorts she was.  

She tried forcing herself to think of something else, anything else really, and found her thoughts shifting to the strangely charming woman she left at the safehouse. Natasha had been wary of the woman who was basically immortal, but working with her the last few months had been oddly...pleasant. She didn’t know much about the woman, only that she was likely tested on for who knew how long before Stark found her and somehow kept her off SHIELD’s radar.   

Where Natasha expected a dangerous, potential threat that needed to be monitored, she instead was shy, a little jumpy, but confident and fierce in the field. She could only respect her and her impressive skillset, but these past two weeks felt different. She was more open, less shy, and very charasmatic. It was highly unexpected, but Natasha couldn't deny that she was intrigued. Very intrigued, she mused as she thought of her strong arms easily carrying a man three times her size. Very intrigued indeed.  

Natasha flipped her hair out of her face, clearing her thoughts before they could turn into something else. She laughed at herself when she finally realized why she had been so distracted lately. It was Victoria. She was objectively attractive, yes, but Natasha never paid much mind to that fact until she saw this other side of her. She smiled with her hazel eyes and laughed with her heart and it was...captivating. It was dangerous.  

Natasha’s thoughts were forcefully interrupted when she was suddenly catching a ball that was close to hitting her in the face. It was the soccerball that the young boys were playing with. “Désolé madam," the oldest of the group apologized as he ran over to the bench.   

“C’est bon,” Natasha replied, still a little startled. She held out the ball for him to take which he did with a sheepish smile.   

After that, Natasha thought it was time she find her way back to the safehouse. She was wasting time, and they still had a mission to do. The sun was still shining brightly although it had moved now and Natasha knew she was gone too long. After walking a few blocks in the direction in which she came from, she saw the safehouse discreetly tucked between two buildings about a half a mile away. She finally felt the tension ease from her shoulders when she saw it and picked up her pace to get there quicker.   

 When she let herself in, it was quiet. She scanned the area, looking for signs that Victoria had been active, but the kitchen and small living area looked the same as it did when she left. “Pierce!” she called.  

There was silence and Natasha waited only another moment before she began reaching for her gun. “Just a minute!” she heard as her hand wrapped around the grip.   

Natasha exhaled sharply, relaxing and shaking her head. She was too tense and she fully blamed Victoria Pierce. Soppy footsteps sounded behind her and she turned, seeing Victoria clad in only a towel, water dripping down her neck, shoulders, and inbetween her breasts that were being pushed up slightly by the towel tied around them. Natasha’s throat went dry, her body frozen, and her eyes were frantically trying to look at everything at once and not at all. Her shock lasted only two short seconds before she finally released a heavy breath and found hazelnut eyes already on her.  

She discreetly swallowed and raised a brow. “Why are you wet?”  

“We have that party tonight,” Victoria answered confused. “Why aren’t you getting ready?”   

“I—” She completely forgot about the party. She had meant to step outside for some air before she began to prepare for the task tonight, but got so lost in her thoughts that she forgot. She cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest. “It slipped my mind.”   

“You...forgot?” Victoria seemed highly amused and Natasha clenched her jaw. “Okay,” she chuckled.  

“It was a one time thing,” Natasha curtly defended. “It won’t happen again.”  

Victoria put her arms up in surrender, making the towel shift slightly, not that Natasha was looking. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Romanoff,” Victoria teased her with that smile Natasha was starting to become familiar with.  

She walked away before Natasha could say anything else. She stood in the middle of the room silently cursing the empty space where Victoria once stood. She was very dangerous indeed, but Natasha thought she might like it.  

~~~ 

A particular cold, harsh wind brought Natasha back to the present. She wiped a lone tear that fell as she remembered when she first began to realize her feelings for Victoria. She was terrified but even so, she couldn’t stay away. It felt like what she imagined an alcoholic’s first drink felt like, or a drug addict’s first hit because it was so intoxicating and she could never get enough. And now, she missed Victoria with a vengeance. 

3 more weeks, she reminded herself. 

Just three weeks and she would finally be able to see Victoria again after a year and a half. It was surreal, just the thought of it. She had become accustomed to longing for Victoria, doing whatever she could to help Tony while he worked on finding her, and simply missing her. It had been over a year of looking for her and the actual thought of accomplishing that was almost hard to believe. 

Her fingers tapped a random rhythm against her arm as she watched the waves splash against the boat. While cold, it was peaceful and she had the passing thought of going on a cruise one day. She shuddered when another cold wind blew and decided to head inside for warmth. It was still Summer but with nothing but the ocean around and Norway’s Winter weather nearby, it was freezing.  

She nodded toward a man working and tucked her hands into the pocket of her hoodie as she passed him. It was quiet for a boat and if she weren't on the run from the government, it would be nice. Well...she had to admit to herself that it was nice despite being on the run, especially since she knew she would soon be reunited with the woman who had consumed her thoughts more often than not recently. 

She sighed with a slight smile as she thought of hazel eyes staring up at her, short wavy hair covering a bit of her eyes before Natasha would push it out of the way, and the way it would fall back into place anyway. She missed the simple things, like the crinkle in her brow when she was focused and the awkward way she would mess with her hair when she was nervous. Natasha sighed again, more wistful than before.  

3 more weeks, she reminded herself again.  

The next week on the boat went by painfully slow with her spiraling thoughts, and by the time they docked, she was ready to get to her trailer where Rick should be waiting so she could focus on something other than what she would do after they bring Victoria back. Natasha wasn't so optimistic to think that when they came back with Victoria that things would suddenly be better, and she worried about how a relationship would work if she was on the run and Victoria wasn't. Would she come with Natasha? Would Natasha even subject her to that life? This had all been shit and she was already regretting her choices although she knew in her heart that she made the right one. Doing the right thing always seemed to bite her in the ass.  

She found the rental car Rick described when she was finally off the boat and stopped by a small convenience store for supplies. She got some perishable items, tissue, paper towels, some snacks, and packed it into the backseat of the car. It was wet and cold, although she couldn't ignore the beauty that was all around her. Still, with her coat, she was still trying her hardest not to shiver uncontrollably and she quickly got back into the car blasting the heat. She had never been so sensitive to the cold before, but the more she craved the warmth of Victoria's embrace, the colder she seemed to always be, and freezing temperatures made it worse.  

She drove through the mountains listening to the radio, a reporter talking about the Sokovia Accords and Steve and Natasha being on the run. Her grip on the steering wheel tightened and she continued driving for a little while longer before she finally made it to her destination. She cut the car off and grabbed her coffee cup, taking a sip of lukewarm coffee trying to calm herself down by thinking of what she had to look forward to. Finding Victoria. Being with Victoria. Finding Victoria. Being with Victoria.   

She repeated it like a mantra in her head as she looked out the window toward the trailer that sat alone in the vast field of grass and trees. She sniffed once, putting her coffee cup down and opening the car door as quietly as she could. It still creaked anyway, and she took her coat off before she found the spot in the ground where she knew a gun was stashed.  

Always cautious and never taking any chances, she crept toward the trailer, gun drawn. Her jaw clenched against the cold, and she was grateful when she made it to the door and silently stepped in. There was no sound as she walked toward her bedroom, but she relaxed, lowering her gun, when she peeked inside and saw Rick passed out on her bed. Typical.  

She smirked to herself at the familiarity of it all and silently entered the room. He was snoring, of course, and she leaned down, capturing this moment in her mind in case she never got another one like it again. Then she stood straight and tapped his foot, startling him awake. "You're in my bed." 

"I'm," he groaned, slow to sit up. "I'm not even under the covers." 

She raised a brow at him as she crossed the room to put her gun away and he finally recovered from his nap and got out the bed. He glanced from her, to the gun now being put in a drawer and swiftly left the room. 

"Did you get everything on my list?" she called after him.  

She followed him out as he confirmed, "Got passports, entry visas, a couple of local driver's licenses." He held everything out to her and she took them gratefully giving a small smile as she looked at them. "Mix and match, you should be able to stretch it to 20 or so identities."  

She was looking at the different identities he gave her so she could familiarize herself with them when one in particular caught her attention. "Fanny Longbottom?" she questioned in amused disbelief.  

"What?"   

She tilted her head at him with an unimpressed stare "What are you, 12?" 

He stared back at her, obviously trying not to smile. "That...is a legitimate name," he laughed. She ignored him and looked at the rest as he continued, "We've got a generator outside. It's petrol powered. And the septic tank will need a flush in a couple weeks, but you know I've got a guy coming for that." 

She glanced outside, still a little paranoid that she was somehow being followed or that Tony suddenly decided she wasn't worth his best friend and sent Ross after her after all. She couldn't help the part of her mind that always doubted other's intentions even when she knew they were genuine. Or maybe it was just because Tony always ran hot and cold with her, and she simply couldn't trust his intentions when it came to her.  

"You have to haul your rubbish into town. It's a 20-minute drive," Rick continued and she finally looked away from the window. "I've got your basic hardware kit stashed under the stairs." 

She nodded and leaned against the counter as he stopped in front of her. "Nice," she rasped, her mind still racing with thoughts of Steve's safety, her own safety, Victoria's safety.  

"Are you okay?" She could hear the concern in his voice and wanted it gone. She didn’t think she deserved it. 

She smiled up at him. "Why wouldn't I be?" 

When he only stared at her as if he just knew , she looked down. "I hear things." She tried to keep the easy smile on her face, but it was hard to not just let herself cry when he continued, "You know, something about the Avengers getting divorced." 

"Ugh," she sighed still refusing to look him in the eyes. "It's fine," she lied. She paused and tilted her head up. "I'm actually better on my own." 

He was smiling down at her with knowing eyes. "Are you sure?" 

She pursed her lips together and nodded. "Yeah." 

"Because you can tell me, you know." He took a small step closer into her vicinity, never taking his eyes off of her and she felt trapped. "That's the way the whole friends thing works." 

"I know. I have friends." Her first thought was Tony, which was ridiculous, and then Clint, who she still hadn't told about her feelings for Victoria. She had a feeling he knew anyway.  

"People who have friends don't call me," Rick retorted and she had to force the smile to stay on her face.  

He stared at her like he was trying to read her, trying to analyze her and she tilted her head taking a deep breath in. She folded her arms over her chest as she said, "And I don't pay you to worry." 

She finally looked away from his eyes that saw more than she wanted him to and only glanced at him again when he began to walk away. When she felt he was a safe distance away and her emotions were back in check, she followed him toward the door. He was hanging onto the frame for a moment like the child he was and the smile the image brought was a real one.  

When she glanced down, there was a basket full of junk that wasn't there last time, and she frowned at it. "Hey!" She leaned her hand against the doorframe and kicked the little box. "What's all this junk?"  

"Oh, just some mail and personals from the Budapest safe house," he said, mispronouncing Budapest. 

She thought of ignoring it, but only for only a second. "Budapest?" she asked, subtly correcting him. 

"Yeah," he nodded with a small smile. "Budapest." He did it again and now she knew he was doing it on purpose.  

"No, it's Budapest." 

"Budapest," he stressed the s incorrectly again and she smirked. "Buda–buda—" 

"It's Budapest," she mumbled to herself, looking away so she wouldn't laugh at his stuttering. 

"Whatever," he eventually conceded. "I knew you weren't going back there, so I've got someone else in the flat now." 

She looked back down at the box of mail that she knew she had no use for. "Sorry you went through the trouble, I would've told you to chuck it." 

"Oh, well if you don't want it, throw it in the rubbish."  

She looked at him again as he adjusted his pants and turned around to leave. She watched him go, smiling fondly at his retreating form. He was a good friend to her even when she didn't want him to be or deserve it if she was being honest. She watched him for a minute longer before going back inside and looking around the small area.  

It would only be a week before she took another boat to New York so she could meet Tony. She was anxious, and extremely restless as she went into the bedroom to grab a change of clothes. She wouldn't sit around waiting for the week to pass because while she did really want to go find Victoria as soon as possible, she still was a fugitive on the run. She had things to take care of so when she came back, Ross and a thousand federal agents wouldn't be waiting for her. She threw a sweater over her shirt, because it was getting colder and the little bit of heat in the trailer wasn't doing much, and grabbed her keys so she could bring the car closer and bring in the groceries.  

The car was freezing, and she drove as quickly as she could on the uneven ground and parked in front of the trailer. She rushed to bring everything in, haphazardly throwing everything on any surface she could find. The trailer was quickly becoming cluttered with everything she brought in so she found a backpack that held an old suit and pair of snow boots she didn't need at the moment. She took both with the purpose of keeping it in the car when she passed the box of mail and stopped. It was heavier than she thought it would be when she picked it up, but she made it to the car, opening the trunk and tossing everything inside.  

She looked at everything to ensure that was all she needed to bring out and nodded to herself before hurrying back in. It was still bright outside, but she knew it would be getting dark soon. It was freezing before, but after moving around so much, she was getting warm and she pulled the sweater over her head, tossing it somewhere in the bedroom as she headed to the bathroom for a much needed shower. She smelled like the ocean and not in a good way. 

~•~ 

Natasha just couldn't get a break. There was always something around the corner. The past year had been hell, starting with Victoria's disappearance, then Ultron, Lagos and the Accords that came directly after, and now this. The Red Room of all things. Mind control, a human robot that is set to kill her, and her sister.  

Yelena groaned in pain as Natasha watched their attacker fall for their bait. "You okay?" she asked, finally taking in all the blood dripping down her arm.  

"Yeah, great plan," she quipped sitting up. "I love the part where I almost bled to death." Ignoring her sarcasm, Natasha stayed silent. She tried not to think about the last time she was here, and she kept watch in case he realized they weren't down there and came back. "This is cozy." 

"Barton and I spent two days hiding out up here." So, trying not to think about it turned into talking about it. She glanced around once, reminiscing, before looking back through the vent. 

"That must have been fun." 

"Who the hell is that guy?" 

"Dreykov's special project," Yelena rasped. Dreykov. Natasha couldn't believe it, she killed him she was sure of it. "He can mimic anyone he's ever seen. It's like fighting a mirror." A headache was coming on the more she talked about things that should be impossible and she tried to ease the tension by rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Dreykov only deploys him for top-priority missions." 

"This doesn't make any sense," she mumbled to herself.  

"Well, the truth rarely makes sense when you omit key details." Natasha finally turned to look at Yelena trying to gage what she knew.  

When she didn't continue Natasha asked, "What is that supposed to mean?" She tried not to sound defensive and failed.  

"You didn't say one word about Dreykov's daughter." Natasha's jaw clenched, her teeth grinding so hard she thought they would crack. "You killed her." 

"I had to," she repeated what she had told herself for years hoping she would believe it one day. "I needed her to lead me to Dreykov." Memories of that day flashed, and the guilt and anxiety crept into her spine. Her mouth tasted like bile when she said, "Dreykov's daughter was collateral damage. I needed her to be sure."  

She looked away and blinked back tears. She refused to cry about it after all these years of being able to keep it in. It was hard though when she realized she might have killed an innocent girl for nothing. If what Yelena said is true and Dreykov lived, not only lived but continued leading the Red Room— 

"And here you are, not so sure." 

"I needed out," she said softly. That was the plain truth, she wanted out and would have done whatever it took. She bit the inside of her cheek and swallowed blood. She could feel Yelena's eyes on her but refused to look at her again. 

They sat in awkward silence, Yelena occasionally looking at her and Natasha determinedly avoiding her probing gaze. It was hard being around her, she accepted the fact that she would never see the blonde again and she assumed Yelena would hate her after all these years. Natasha still wasn't so sure, especially after her warm greeting where she tried to kill her.  

She stared through the vent watching for Dreykov's pet as Yelena called him. She didn't think they would be able to handle him in a fight, especially with her injury and his determination to kill them by any means necessary. Mind control. She still couldn't wrap her head around it.  

"How long do you plan on keeping us up here?" Yelena finally broke the silence.  

"If you'd like to go down there and face him, be my guest," she huffed. She heard Yelena sigh and felt her poke her shoulder. Natasha finally looked over, taking in her thoughtful expression and smirked. "What?" 

Yelena blinked and opened her mouth then closed it with a chuckle. "Nothing. You're just..." She shook her head and didn't finish her sentence, being the one to look away this time. 

It was silent again between the two and the redhead tried to ignore the tension between them. "A few more minutes," Natasha eventually said. "Either he realizes we're not down there and comes back up, or he continues searching and we get out of here." 

Yelena was silent and she glanced over to find her already looking at her with a raised brow. "Your plans really suck, you know that?" 

Natasha couldn't help the puff of laughter that escaped her lips and shook her head. "I haven't seen you come up with anything better. All you've done is complain." 

"Well, that's because my plan was to give you the anecdote and let your super hero friends save the day. You ruined my plan," she teased lightly. 

However, the reminder of everything that happened only two weeks ago made her throat burn. She looked away from Yelena again, clenching her fists tight as she remembered Wanda's face when they wrapped a collar around her neck. She shuddered at the memory and checked for the human robot again.  

"Let's go," she decided.  

"What if he comes back?" Yelena hissed.  

Natasha rolled her eyes. "We're not going out the way we came in, I'm not an idiot." 

"Could have fooled me," Yelena muttered.  

She glared at the blonde for a moment before shimmying her way into a position so she could crawl toward an exit that would get them as far away as possible from him. Yelena followed behind her in silence, not even commenting on any of the markings of tic tac toe that continued down their path.  

Eventually, they reached their destination. Even if he came back up, they were too far away for him to notice them slip out and make their way onto the train that just stopped. Natasha sent Yelena a victorious smirk, daring her to say something about her plans now. Yelena shook her head with a small snort but stayed silent otherwise and they rode the train very very far away.  

~•~ 

The sun was starting to set, leaving the sky a murky orange. The restaurant beside the gas station began filling up and Natasha caught sight of a beautiful black car that was calling out to her. Some habits die hard as they say, and she sniffed once before taking her eyes away and following Yelena to an empty table. She placed everything they purchased in front of her silently before walking away without another word and into the restaurant to place an order. By the time the food was ready, the sky was no longer orange, instead a midnight blue took place, and the area was illuminated by all the outside lights. She made her way back to the table, taking in the younger woman who stared at nothing.  

"Here," she said as she placed a bag in front of Yelena.  

She didn't comment on the way the blonde startled at her voice, instead sat down, opening her own bag of food and taking everything out. "What is this?" Yelena asked. 

Natasha didn't look up as she tersely answered, "Food." 

She continued to unpack the gulyás she ordered for them. It was a stew she had once eight years ago with Clint. The smell wafted in the air as she removed the lid and she didn't know if the recipe changed or if there was too much going on for her to appreciate it at the time, but it smelled way better today than the first time she had it.  

She hadn't eaten properly in two days, the last thing she put on her stomach was ice cream she ate while she watched Moonraker, right before the power went out and all this mess began. She sighed in resignation, knowing there was no way she would do anything before taking down the Red Room. And she would be sure she succeeded this time.  

"Gulyás," Yelena noted.  

Natasha didn't respond and they ate in silence. The stew warmed her body, and it also tasted a lot better than she remembered, so her silence was admittedly more because she didn't waste time making conversation in between bites. Yelena didn't dig in like her, she only took a few bites before she picked over the rest and the redhead felt her eyes on her as she ate.  

When she finished her bowl, she finally looked up acknowledging her little sister. It was still something she was having trouble processing. She hadn't thought of Yelena since she graduated in fear that it would distract her and get her killed. She pushed thoughts of family far away and closed herself off. It was probably why her first instinct with Victoria was to ignore her feelings and keep her at a distance. 

"You done?" she asked softly, nodding to her still full bowl of stew.  

Yelena glanced at it and sighed. "I'm not really hungry," she mumbled. She looked down at her arm that was now dried with blood, and grimaced.  

Natasha nodded, "Okay. Clean that, I'll get us something to drink." She stood and gathered their trash as Yelena grabbed all the first aid she bought earlier.  

As Natasha put everything into the trash, she noticed a man now working on the car she saw earlier. She licked her lips as she passed it, and entered the restaurant again. Smells of spices and meat filled the air along with loud chatter from all the patrons. She ordered two large beers for herself and Yelena, discreetly looking around to ensure no one paid her a second glance. The last thing she needed right now was to be spotted and recognized. When she made it back, Yelena had removed the cloth from her arm and was sterilizing the gash. Natasha placed a drink in front of the blonde before taking her seat and glancing at the car and the man working on it again.  

"That gas," Yelena said, taking her attention away from the car. Natasha looked at her then, and finally recognized the turmoil in her face. "The counteragent," she continued, and Natasha glanced at the bright red light illuminating from the bag said gas was in. "It was synthesized in secret by an older widow from Melina's generation. I was on a mission to retrieve it and she exposed me and I... killed the widow that freed me." 

"Did you have a choice?" 

"What you experienced was psychological conditioning." She paused. "I'm talking about chemically altering brain functions. They're two completely different things. You're fully conscious but you don't know which part is you...I'm still not sure." 

Yelena was uncomfortable then, and when Natasha looked into her eyes all she could see was a scared six year old crying for her family. Without a word, she brought her chair around the table and carefully took the cloth from around her arm. She felt Yelena's eyes on her and met them with her own. She nodded toward the gas and asked, "Is that all there is left?" 

"Mm-hmm," she hummed. "It's the only thing that Dreykov and his network of widows !" Natasha held the wound together, ignoring the glare Yelena was giving her, and blew on it softly. She felt Yelena relax and she sighed, "He takes more every day. Children who don't have anyone to protect them. Just like us when we were small." 

Natasha felt that familiar feeling of guilt she'd experienced a lot lately. It seemed her past mistakes and faults always came back in full force reminding her of all the terrible things she had done or was a part of. Yelena believed they were a real family and that Natasha had just abandoned her. Which she did , which made it even worse. She hoped Yelena couldn't see the guilt in her eyes or the secrets she kept. 

"Maybe 1 in 20 survives the training, becomes a widow. The rest, he kills." It was sickening to hear that so many lives were lost because she failed. She began wrapping Yelena's wound as she continued, as much as she didn't want to hear about it, she felt she deserved it. To know her failure firsthand. "To him we are just things. Weapons with no face that he can just throw away. Because there is always more. And no one's even looking for him, thanks to you and Alexei." 

"Alexei?" she asked. She had no idea what happened to him after they were sent back to the Red Room. She hated him for a long time and eventually forgot about him.  

"Dad." Natasha cut the loose string from the bandage and brought her chair back around the table, glancing at the man working on the car again. He was done now, cleaning up slightly and putting things away.  

She felt numb at that moment, feeling too much and nothing at all. A young child ran up to the man that was working on the car, getting scooped up, his giggles filling the air. She couldn't even understand what emotions the scene evoked, she just knew it made her long for something she couldn't describe. 

"Did you ever look for your parents? Your real ones?" Natasha blinked away her aching thoughts and looked down at the bottle of beer she held in her hands. 

"Well, my mom abandoned me in the street like garbage." She tried for an apathetic smile, but she knew Yelena probably saw right through it. She turned to the scene of the happy family again. "What about you?" 

"They destroyed my birth certificate, so I reinvented it." Natasha smirked, amused. "My parents still live in Ohio. My sister moved out west."  

The first genuine smile appeared on Natasha's face, she could feel it overtake her even when she tried to hide it. "Is that right?" 

It was a cute story and Natasha found her Russian accent endearing. She had no idea where she picked it up from as she didn't have it in Ohio. "You're a science teacher," she said with a cheeky smile. "You're working part-time though, especially after you had your son. Your husband, he renovates houses." 

"That is not my story." A husband and kids? She knew she said that she wanted a normal life like Clint but that didn't seem right or even possible. Still though, she couldn't help but picture that life with Victoria, it would have been so boring but so perfect.  

"What is your story?" 

Natasha smiled at the blonde in front of her. Yelena wanted to know her life, what she had been up to in all the years they had been apart, and Natasha felt she might have liked to share it with her, but they didn't have time to play catch up. The Red Room was still underway, and she had to put an end to it once and for all. Still though, there was something keeping her there and enjoying talking to her sister over beers as if they were normal, even if it was just for a couple hours.  

She wasn't ready for them to go their separate ways just yet. She had been so lonely since losing Victoria, it was nice to be around someone who loved her, and she loved in return. Sure, she had Clint, but it was different. He couldn't truly understand her, maybe empathize and even know everything but he didn't get it . Not like Victoria, and definitely not like Yelena. Yelena, her baby sister. 

"I never let myself be alone long enough to think about it," she finally answered. Yelena obviously wasn't satisfied with that answer, but she didn't pry, and Natasha didn't offer anymore. 

"Did you ever wish for kids?" She reached over the table to grab her vest and pulled it on. Natasha stayed silent, instead choosing to watch the kids playing outside. "I want a dog." 

Natasha felt the need to cry, she had no good reason why. Just being there and talking about frivolous things. It was so...normal . She'd never been normal before, well not in a very long time. She smiled, keeping her unwanted emotions at bay, something that came easy to her, like second nature. Never show weakness. Yelena sat with her elbows on the table, her chin in a fist. The man twirled the keys to the car in his hand and placed them in a drawer. In that moment, Natasha made a decision. She was going to take down the Red Room, and she was going to do so with her sister.  

~•~ 

Natasha felt like she had been thrown 20 years into the past as she stepped through Melina's house. It wasn't the same, not even close, but it had that homey feel like the one in Ohio. The wooden furniture, the bookshelf full of different colored books, just the presence of everyone.  

"Are there any booby traps around here, or anything else to know about?" she asked, glancing around for anymore hidden entryways. 

Melina's voice echoed through the house as she found a glass, "I didn't raise my girls to fall in traps." 

That stung in a way she couldn't explain. "You didn't raise us at all." 

It was silent then, only the water running and filling her empty glass heard until Melina's footsteps sounded behind her. "Oh, maybe so," she sighed. "But...if you got soft, it wasn't on my watch." 

Natasha peeked over her shoulder only to see Melina already looking at her. She had the same face she did right before they left for the Red Room. She was begging for forgiveness with her eyes alone, letting her see the emotions they were taught to hide. When she was a kid, she felt honored to be able to see past Melina's mask, she had even begun to see her as her actual mother. Now, she just felt angry and resentful.  

"I made dinner," she said softly. "I wasn't expecting anyone obviously, but...there's enough if you're hungry." 

Natasha swallowed back her retort and instead glanced at the tall bottle of Vodka that sat on the counter. Melina followed her gaze and grabbed the bottle as well as some shot glasses. Natasha followed her out of the kitchen and to the dining table where Yelena was already sat, lost in thought until they entered.  

Alexei could be heard from the bathroom groaning and struggling with whatever he was doing. Melina gingerly sat beside Yelena while Natasha sat across from them, the grunting getting louder as the seconds passed by. Natasha was disgusted and was glad Melina offered the drink before she decided to down the entire bottle. She took her shot as soon as it was in front of her and exhaled sharply. She slammed the glass back down, briefly thinking of Thor before she held her glass out for another. Melina complied, pouring her another shot as well as one for herself and Yelena. Before she could drink it, Alexei loudly cleared his throat getting everyone's attention.  

He looked ridiculous in his Red Guardian suit, although it slightly reminded her of Steve. That guilt was there again. "Still fits," Alexei boasted, his hand propped up against the wall.  

Her reminiscence of Steve was short lived when Melina wolf whistled. She was disgusted and could taste the bile in her mouth. "Oh my god," Yelena voiced her thoughts.  

Natasha only stared as Melina clapped and he cheered himself on. "I never washed it once," Melina said. "Come and drink." 

Everything was all so bizarre, they just acted as if time never passed, and they were a family coming together for the holidays. Alexei began singing as he sat down, a bright smile on his face and Melina only encouraged him. He was rambling about family and then flirting with Melina which only disgusted her further.  

They were gross and she finally took the second shot. She would need ten more if they continued. "I just got out of prison, I uh...I have a lot of energy." 

Natasha cringed. "Please don't do that!" She tried to clear the unwanted image that appeared and get back to business. "So, here's what's gonna happen—" 

"—Natasha don't slouch," Melina scolded.  

She opened her mouth with no words coming out and looked down at herself. "I'm not slouching." 

"Yes, you are—" 

"—I don't slouch." She straightened up anyway, shaking her head at herself. 

"You're going to get a back hunch," Melina continued. 

Alexei squeezed her arm. "Listen to your mother." 

Natasha spluttered, "Oh my god. This—" 

"Up! Up!" Alexei whooped. 

Already exasperated, Natasha snapped, "All right, enough. All of you." 

"I didn't say anything," Yelena mumbled. "That's not fair." 

"Here's what's gonna happen!" she yelled over the chaos, then cut her eyes to Melina. "You're going to tell us the location of the Red Room." 

It got quiet then, Melina smiled and nodded like she did when she thought something Natasha said was silly. "You know, it's like when you told them that they could stay up late to catch Santa Claus." 

Alexei responded but she was barely listening, he wasn't making any sense. She let him talk and instead focused on Melina who was actively avoiding her eyes. She finally understood what Alexei was getting at with his half ramblings and bristled. "Finding Dreykov is not a fantasy. It's unfinished business." 

"You can't defeat a man who commands the very will of others," Melina said somberly. As if it was definite, 100% guaranteed that Natasha would fail. "You never saw the culmination of what we started in America." She turned to Alexei and added, "Nor did you." 

She left the table without another word and Natasha had to fight the feeling of shame and embarrassment. She wasn't a child anymore, but Melina had this way of making her feel like one again and she struggled between feeling like she was eleven again and the adult she was now.  

"Natasha," Alexei muttered. Him on the other hand, he was an oaf and every time he spoke, she wanted to punch him. "Always focus, focus. Get what you want." He continued to eat his chicken leg and Natasha ignored him, instead focusing on Melina as she returned with a tablet. 

This was shaping up to be a tiresome day. She just wanted the information to the Red Room so she could be on her way. The sooner she got this done, and away from her "parents," the better. Alexei was annoying enough, but with Melina encouraging him and him feeding off her, it was irritating. 

"Come in!" Melina shouted. 

A few moments later, a pig came through the door, sniffing and snorting. "Did that pig just open the door?" Natasha asked, genuinely baffled. 

"Yes," Melina answered simply as she leaned down to...to pet it? "It did. Good boy Alexei, good boy." 

"You named a pig after me?" Alexei grumbled. 

Melina, with complete seriousness asked, "You don't see the resemblance?" Natasha was too confused to laugh, and no one said anything for a few moments. "See, he sits just like dog. Amazing. Now, now watch." 

Melina was...excited. It was weird but nostalgic. Natasha could remember times when Melina would get a chance to teach her or Yelena something and her eyes would light up the same way they were now. Natasha still felt like she was thrown into the past somehow and the feeling left her almost at a loss for words and she could only watch as Melina instructed the pig to stop breathing and then it did . 

She didn't hear much else she said, something about SHIELD and Hydra and their mission, sounding proud of what they accomplished. Only Yelena looked to be on the verge of tears while Melina went on about the basal ganglia and Natasha stopped listening when she saw the look on the blonde's face. She didn't know what to say and could only try to apologize with her eyes, but then the pig hit the ground with a thud and Natasha realized he still wasn't breathing. 

"What are you doing?" she demanded. 

"Oh, I am explaining that the science is so exact, the subject can be instructed to stop breathing and has no choice but to obey."  

In that moment, Melina resembled a mad scientist, nothing like Tony or Bruce and she was uncomfortable. "Okay, you've made your point. That's enough."   

"Yes alright," Melina nodded as she moved toward the tablet that seemed to control the pig. "Well, don't worry, Alexei could've survived...11 more seconds without oxygen." 

The pig suddenly came back to life, jumping up and continuing as if he wasn't just close to death. Melina praised the pig and sent him back out of the house. Natasha could only watch, baffled, and almost angry with Melina in a way she couldn't describe. Her throat felt hot and thick, and a glance at Yelena only worsened it.  

"The world functions on a higher level when it is controlled," Melina stated. Natasha knew she was serious, but she couldn't believe that the woman she used to look to as her mother could be the same woman in front of her. "Dreykov has chemically subjugated agents planted around the globe." 

Yelena spoke for the first time, her voice shaky yet hard. "And do you know who they test it on?" 

Melina hummed in thought. She didn't hear her response as she thought of Victoria. Thoughts of her always crept up on Natasha at random times, whether it be in Tony's lab, on the quinjet, at Clint's farmhouse, and even in Russia with a family she hadn't seen in over 20 years. She faintly heard them begin arguing about Dreykov and their roles in it all, but all Natasha could focus on was the memory that had suddenly come to her.  

"You wanted to see me sir?" Natasha stepped into Fury's office, still in her dress she wore to retrieve Banner.  

"Romanoff," he nodded. "Close the door."  

She did as instructed and walked further into the small space. It wasn't necessarily tiny, but compared to his actual office in Washington, his office on the helicarrier was a stark contrast. She took a seat across from him as she waited for him to speak. He seemed on edge, which was to be expected after what happened with the Asgardian but something else was also bothering him.  

Fury sighed and stared at her with a look that told her it was very serious. "It has just come to my attention that Stark is...he has known of a person with...unfathomable abilities."  

"What?"  

Fury grabbed the manilla folder that had been lying on his desk and held it out for her to take. She did so silently, and he sat back in his chair as she opened it. There was a picture of a woman who looked to be in her early 20s, laying in a hospital bed. The picture looked to be taken on a surveillance camera and she flipped it over to see a medical file.  

She read the list of injuries the woman came in with including malnourishment, fractured and broken bones, whip lacerations on her back, a concussion, and a foreign object in her right eye that was most likely going to leave her blind. It was sickening to read, and she could only imagine what that woman went through. She looked up at Fury who was now watching her intently and she raised a brow.  

"What is this?" she asked.   

"Keep going," he nodded toward the folder in her hands, and she sighed but went to the next paper in the folder.  

It was a copy of a check to the hospital of two million signed by Tony. She couldn't understand what she was looking at and the next paper was a copy of discharge papers for the woman. She frowned, confused still as to what she was seeing so she went back to the first file, which was her medical chart. It was dated for the 11th of December 2010. The check was dated four days later on the 15th and so were the discharge papers.   

"They discharged her with all those injuries?" She looked at Fury again, but his face was blank and unreadable.   

"I sent Hill to that hospital to talk to the staff that was working around that time. They all said the same thing, 'She was completely healed the next day.' She couldn't get anything else out of them because they were told not to tell anyone, but there was one nurse we found who doesn't work there anymore.   

He unfolded his hands and reached for something in his pocket. It was a recorder, she realized when he placed on the desk between them. He turned it on and there was static for a few moments before she could hear Hill's voice as she greeted someone. It was a man and who she assumed was the nurse. Their conversation didn't answer much, he mostly denied everything including the fact that she was healed the next day, and that Tony paid the hospital.  

"Look," the man suddenly whispered as Hill tried asking another question. "That woman, she's...not normal, okay?" He sighed and was quiet for a while. "I've seen a lot of things...but—"  

He stopped talking and Hill prompted, "But what?"  

"She had a lot of injuries, like...she should have been dead. And she hated the hospital. We had to use enough sedation to put down a wild animal for her to just calm down because she thought we were about to continue her training, whatever that meant. I don't know what the hell happened to that woman, but I don't want to be next so please leave me alone."  

The recording ended and Natasha frowned. Continue her training. "You think she was being tested on?"  

"Whatever power she possesses is strong enough to keep her alive through all of that. Wherever she was being kept before being brought to the hospital was obviously nowhere pleasant."  

Alexei banging on the table brought her out of her thoughts and she was snapped back into the present hearing Melina and Alexei still arguing. She was getting nowhere with these two. "Shut up!" she snapped. It fell quiet and she caught Alexei's eyes. "You are an idiot." 

The hurt on his face made her feel guilty and she stared at him almost wanting to apologize and take it back. However, she knew those feelings were remnants of her childhood where she spent three years with him as her father and she had to remind herself to separate the memory of him she had from the man in front of her now.  

She turned to Melina who was watching her in shock. "And you're a coward," Natasha nodded.  

It was harder and a lot more painful to separate the Melina in front of her from the woman she called Mom once upon a time. She was closer with Melina because they were both widows and Natasha knew Melina understood her in ways Alexei and Yelena couldn't. Melina made her feel safe and loved, but structured when she couldn't break the habits the Red Room taught her. She had begun to see Melina as her actual mother and she believed that Melina would save her from Dreykov like her eyes promised. But when the time came to go back, all she could do was apologize and take her back anyway. 

"You're a coward," she repeated, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. "And our family was never real, so there's nothing to hold on to." She nodded, hoping that as she said it, she could believe herself, but there was a small part of her that wanted Melina to tell her she was wrong and that she was their mother and always would be. But she didn't and Natasha knew she wouldn't. "We're moving on." 

The guilt and the pain were stabbing her chest at the look on Melina's face. Natasha wanted to hate her, to get the information of the Red Room and move on, but she wanted something else too. She didn't know what it was, but it was keeping her there at that table surrounded by memories she tried to forget.  

"Never family, huh?" Alexei mumbled to himself. Natasha ignored him as she stared at Melina unable to say more and unable to take back what she said. "In my heart, I am simple man." Melina looked away first and Natasha glared at the side of her face as Alexei continued, "And I think for a couple deep undercover Russian agents, I think we did pretty great as parents, huh?" 

"Yes, we had our orders. We played our roles to perfection," Melina agreed.  

That only angered Natasha further, the hurt swirling in her chest and out her mouth. "Who cares? That wasn't real." As they both liked to constantly remind her , she thought bitterly. "That wasn't real! Who cares?" she finally yelled.  

"Don't say that," Yelena whimpered and all the hurt and anger faded away into guilt once again. Natasha had forgotten that Yelena was sitting there too, listening to them argue about their fake family. "Please, don't say that. It was real," she began to cry, and Natasha had to look away unless she wanted to cry as well. "It was real to me, you are my mother. You were my real mother. The closest thing I ever had to one. The best part of my life was fake...And none of you told me."  

She hit the table with a deep breath and Natasha wanted to scoop her up in her arms and hold her until she stopped crying like she did when they were younger, but she couldn't. Too much time had passed, too much hurt, and as Natasha just painfully reminded them, it was all fake so why should she care? But she did and it hurt all the more to only be able to watch Yelena fall apart in front of her. 

"And those agents you chemically subjugated around the globe? That was me." Yelena pursed her lips and looked away when Melina finally turned to look her in the eye. "Mm," she nodded. Then she looked at Natasha and all the sadness melted away into anger making Natasha's throat close up. "And you, you got out. Dreykov made sure no one could escape. Are you gonna say anything?" 

I'm sorry was stuck in her throat but she knew it wouldn't be enough. Nothing would ever be enough. She looked down at the wooden table wishing she could go back and change everything. It wasn't until she heard Yelena getting up that she finally found her voice. "Yelena," she called as the blonde walked away with the bottle of vodka.  

"No," she said simply before locking herself in the bedroom. 

"I had no idea," Melina whispered.  

"It's okay, it's okay," Alexei soothed her. "I'll go talk to her." 

He left them in an uncomfortable silence as Melina stared at her and Natasha could only glare back. She felt so many things at once, hurt, guilt, anger, longing. She was an emotional mess, which was not what she needed to be when she planned to go against Dreykov. When the door to the bedroom opened and then closed again behind Alexei, Natasha let out a deep breath. It didn't make her feel any better, and she looked in the direction of the room where Yelena was most likely crying. Because of her. 

"Natasha," Melina whispered. 

"Don't," she said sharply. If neither Melina nor Alexei were going to be of any help, then she would do it on her own. She seemed to only be able to hurt Yelena since she found her and that was the last thing Natasha wanted. She failed her little sister once, she wasn't going to do so a second time.  

With her mind made up, she stood abruptly to make her way to Melina's hidden room she had seen earlier. She should have known that Melina would have been no help, but it was her only lead. There was also a part of her that hoped things would turn out differently than twenty years ago, but some things didn't change. It hurt, but only because she let herself hope, a mistake she wouldn't make again. 

"Where are you going?" Melina asked as she walked away from the table. 

"To do this myself." 

"Don't. You won't survive." 

"I wish I could believe that you cared," she started as she made it to the entrance of the room. As she looked around getting a good look at it for the first time she continued, "But you're not even the first mother that abandoned me." 

"No, you weren't abandoned." That gave Natasha pause and her steps faltered for a moment as her heart began to thunder in her ears. She slowly turned in the direction of Melina's voice. "You were selected by a program that assessed the genetic potential in infants." 

Her lips parted as she processed what she heard. Her heart continued to pound an unsteady beat in her ears, and it took an extra effort to move her legs but eventually she was standing just a few feet away from Melina. She looked at the older woman in front of her who she thought could replace the mom that abandoned her, she searched her guilty face and tried to find the deception. But she knew , she just knew there was none.  

"I was taken?" she whispered. The pounding finally stopped. 

"I believe a bargain was struck, your family paid off. But your mother, she never stopped looking for you. She was like you in that way. She was...relentless." Relentless . Words got caught in Natasha's throat, unable to form, unable to move past her lips. She had a mother that actually cared, that probably would have taken care of her and given her a normal childhood if not for the Red Room. 

"What happened to her?"  

Melina didn't answer right away, and she didn't need to. Natasha knew the answer already, but she needed it confirmed, had to hear it. "Dreykov had her killed." While she needed to hear it, it still hurt and she wanted to mourn a woman she never knew. "Her existence threatened to uncover the Red Room. Normally the actions of one curious civilian would not warrant an execution, but as I said, she was relentless." 

Natasha had to look away from Melina's brown eyes staring at her with so much emotion. "I thought about her every day of my life," she heard herself say. "Whether or not I admitted it to myself, I did."  

It was always in the back of her mind, reminding her how easily dispensable she was. If she could be thrown away as a baby, forgotten and unimportant, what would stop anyone else from doing the same? She thought maybe Melina would have wanted her, would have loved her the way she craved, but didn't she just do the same thing? It was that feeling, that fear , of being abandoned that made her keep a distance from everyone, from Victoria.  

"I've always found it best to not look into the past," Melina whispered.  

Natasha swallowed back her emotions and glanced at Melina. Then something on the bookshelf caught her attention, something she never thought she'd see again. She eyed Melina again before she grabbed the book with the floral design with care. Once it was in her hands, she knew before she even opened it that it was their family photo album.  

"Then why'd you save this?" She didn't answer, but Natasha saw the tears that filled her eyes and never fell.  

There was that pesky hope again. Hope that Melina did care, that she did want Natasha as much as Natasha wanted her. Her chest was warm all of a sudden and she slowly opened the album to the first page, being met with pictures that seemed like another life. She was 8 in the photos, Yelena was almost 4 and they were already sisters. She looked at each and every picture, remembering the pure joy and happiness she felt, the safety she felt for the first time in her life.  

She kept turning the pages until she got to the Christmas page. "I remember this day." She looked at the photos of her and Yelena's smiling faces around the presents. "We shot Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and Summer vacation all in one day." Melina came to her side to look at the pictures over her shoulder. "Different backdrops." 

"Mm," Melina nodded. And being so close with Melina again just felt so familiar, so right, and her heart ached for what could have been. After so many years, she still smelled the same and when Natasha was a child, it brought her comfort, and she could only admit to herself that it still did.  

"I knew all of the presents under the tree were just empty boxes, but I didn't care. I wanted to open every single one..." She flipped another page seeing more Christmas themed photos. "So just for a second it would feel real."  

She almost got lost in the happy memories, that for so long were the only thing that was hers that no one could take away from her. Then Melina grabbed the album out of her hand, breaking the moment. "Let us stop this," she mumbled.  

Melina didn't put the book back, instead kept it in her hands as she kept her back to Natasha. Her throat burned with all the emotions that culminated over the last few hours and she knew she was close to letting it build over, but she clenched her jaw to keep it back just a little longer. Every time she saw a glimpse of the mother she knew inside of Melina, it was like she remembered who she was, who they were, and she drew back.  

"Why you doing this?" Natasha asked.  

Melina finally turned then, "Why does a mouse born in a cage run on that little wheel? Do you know I was cycled through the Red Room four times before you were even born? Those walls are all I know. I was never given a choice." 

They stood there in a moment of silence, Melina holding the album to her chest. "But you're not a mouse, Melina. You were just born in a cage, but that's not your fault." 

Melina scoffed, shaking her head and Natasha thought she was going to deflect again. "Tell me, how did you keep your heart?" 

Natasha vividly remembered the day they left for the Red Room. She was playing outside with Yelena when she fell and hurt her knee. Natasha was terrified, unsure what to do and Red Room punishments for crying flashing through her mind. Then Melina came, and it was like magic, the way she soothed Yelena, at least it felt that way at the time.  

Natasha's entire face burned trying to keep the tears back when she remembered what Melina said next, it stayed with her for the rest of her life. "Pain only makes us stronger," she rasped. She tried for a cheeky smile, but she knew it was more painful than anything. "Didn't you tell us that? What you taught me kept me alive," she admitted.  

Melina had that look on her face again and Natasha desperately wanted to believe that she was seeing wrong. It was the same look she had the night she took them back to the Red Room after she told her she didn't want to go back. It was guilt, regret, and worst of all, pity. Her mouth opened for a moment with no sound coming out and Natasha was really fighting back the tears then. 

"I'm sorry, I already alerted the Red Room. They'll be here any minute." After that, there was nothing that could stop the floodgates and Natasha's next blink was soon filled with the emotions she tried to hold back and she dropped her head in defeat.  

"Right," she whispered. She should have known, she should have learned her lesson all those years ago, but some things were almost impossible to accept.  

"I—" Melina choked on her own words and when Natasha heard a sniffle, she looked up. Melina was actually crying, something Natasha never witnessed before, not even when she got shot. "I'm sorry." 

"Right," she repeated, taking a step back.  

"I—I can't..." 

"I understand Melina," Natasha mumbled taking another unsteady step back, avoiding her eyes. It hurt more the second time, the betrayal from Melina. 

"No,” she choked. Natasha took one more step back, but in a few quick strides Melina was right in front of her again. 

When Natasha tried to take another step away, Melina grabbed her wrist with both hands effectively skeeping her in place. “Mel—” 

“He'll—he will kill you," Melina whispered. She stared at Natasha intensely with her guilty brown eyes. "And I can't...I don't want to be a mouse anymore." 

~•~ 

"How the hell did you manage to stir so much shit in only a month?" Tony hissed. It had been only 24 hours since Natasha took down the Red Room with her family. A small smile made its way to her face when she thought of that, her family. She also managed to help Steve break Wanda and Sam out of the RAFT, her other family. "Of course, you're proud of that." 

Tony shook his head and Natasha waited for his dramatics to end. He sighed, then he cracked a smile and chuckled. "Rogers says hello," she smiled. 

His smile fell at that, and she lifted a brow. She didn't know what happened between them, but she had a feeling it was bad, especially by the look of his face before she left for Norway. Steve wouldn't talk about it, and she doubted Tony would either, but it seemed more serious than she thought. The look on Tony's face was one she was familiar with, albeit one she hadn't seen in a while. He looked at her with that angry and almost hateful expression when Victoria first disappeared, and he was looking at her like that now. 

His jaw worked as he looked at a spot behind her head, his breathing getting slightly heavier. "You tell Rogers to stay away if he knows what's good for him," he said through clenched teeth. The harshness in his voice surprised the redhead. While they always had their differences, there was still some semblance of respect for each other but that seemed to be gone now.  

"I'll be sure to pass along the message next time I see him," she murmured cautiously.  

Tony sniffed, wrinkling his nose. His arms crossed over his chest in a defensive move that Natasha recognized. "Great." 

They silently stood across from each other in Tony's lab, which was surprisingly empty. Natasha expected a lot more junk to be around like it had been the past few months, and with him so close to finishing the portal she didn't think there would be time for a deep clean.  

"So," Natasha started. "Victoria?" 

Tony sighed and dropped his arms to his side, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. He nodded and led her to his workstation that was also surprisingly clean except for a few blueprints and the finished device. It was simple in its design, silver and round, smaller than she imagined a portal to be. Much smaller. 

"Uh...this is the portal?" 

"Do you doubt me Romanoff?"  

She took her eyes away from the small device, no bigger than a watch, and was met with Tony's expectant look. "It's just smaller than I thought it would be." 

"Huh," Tony grunted with a smirk. "Never heard that before." 

Natasha rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest. "When you said portal, I expected something more human sized." 

"Well," Tony sighed dramatically, "I would love to sit here and explain to you how it is possible for this to make a portal big enough for us to fit through, but I was under the impression that we needed to find Victoria as soon as possible." 

Natasha couldn't argue with that, and she bit the inside of her cheek to stop the retort on the tip of her tongue. Victoria was the only thing that mattered now, and she didn't care to know how the small device would take them to Victoria, only that it would, and soon. "Is there something we need to do or can we just...walk through?" 

Tony stared at her as if she was dense and maybe in his eyes, she was but she didn't know anything about traveling through portals and she didn't think he did either. He held out his arm behind him and a few moments later, she heard part of the wall somewhere in the back of the lab slide open before his suit was rushing toward him and attaching itself to him. In that moment, Natasha was glad she decided to stick to her usual combat outfit, with the new addition of Yelena's vest. She thought it would be best to prepare for a fight in case what happened to Victoria was intentional. 

Natasha had gotten so lost in her thoughts of being Victoria's hero, her knight in shining armor if you will, that she hadn't noticed Tony doing something with the portal device until a strong, whipping wind was suddenly blowing around them. Tony had his arm outstretched toward an orange ring that was growing by the second and a light blue light illuminating from within it. She turned to Tony, now fully immersed in his suit and focused on the portal now big enough for them to actually walk through.  

"Now or never, Romanoff."  

It was the moment Natasha had been waiting for. It was finally here, and she wasn't dreaming or having her brain messed with by a witch. The time had come to finally be reunited with Victoria, to hold her and tell her how she felt, and all she had to do was walk through a portal. Her heart pounded heavily against her chest, and she took a deep breath before taking firm steps toward the portal until she was directly in front of it.  

"This is safe, right?" she asked over her shoulder.  

"Yeah," Tony answered but he didn't sound too certain. Natasha watched the blue light ripple like waves in front of her and thought Victoria was worth the risk of Tony's uncertainty.  

She took a step, and then two and where she was expecting to be sucked into some wind like storm or feel an out of body experience, she just felt a temperature drop with the wind blowing in her ears and goosebumps formed on her neck.  Then she took another step, and it went silent though it was still cool. Her eyes took a moment to adjust to the light and when they did, she noted that she was surrounded by trees. It looked like they were still on Earth which didn't make any sense. 

"A forest," Tony commented from behind her. His helmet was lifted, and his eyes were squinted as he did a full 360 to look around. The portal disappeared after they entered as if it was never there to begin with and they were left in the quiet of the forest, birds chirping around them.  

"I thought you couldn't find her watch anywhere," Natasha commented confused. 

"I couldn't...Friday, is there a location on Vic?" 

Natasha licked her lips in anticipation. The portal seemed to work and didn't tear them apart, so she had to trust that it also somehow brought them to Victoria. Tony smiled and that was all the answer she needed. She didn't know how that was possible, but it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders with her next breath and she smiled up at the sky. She didn't hear Tony's helmet close back nor did she hear his suit power up preparing to take off.  

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Natasha urged. "Let's go." 

"It's...different. I don't know her exact location, just that her watch is close. We have to walk on foot." Natasha's smile fell at that. Walking on foot would take even longer than flying with Tony's suit. But she was hopefully close if her watch was here.  

And so, they took off, Natasha helplessly following Tony since he had her location, his suit following behind them since he stepped out of it. She thought it looked a bit ridiculous and it also brought back memories of Ultron that she tried to push back from her mind so she could have a clear head when she saw Victoria. She hoped that after a year, they weren't too late, that in the year it took them to find her, she hadn't been held captive by some evil being. She hoped that all the worst case scenarios she could think of were untrue and that Victoria had been able to care for herself until they came for her. 

They suddenly were reaching the end of the forest and approaching a long winding road. She turned to Tony to see if they were going the right way because he said her watch was close, but they had been following his radar for twenty minutes. His face was set in a scowl as he determinedly followed the blip of her watch's location. It was after a few more minutes of silently walking down the long road that she noticed a town starting to come into view. There was a large clock tower that towered over the rest of the buildings, and she was silently thankful that Victoria was likely in the seemingly small town instead of a giant city like New York.  

The longer they walked, and the closer they got to the picturesque town, the more Natasha's nerves grew. She hadn't exactly planned on what she would say to Victoria when she saw her again, so worried about the danger she was likely in but looking at the calm of the town, she wondered if she should have prepared a speech. Her stomach clenched with conflicting emotions. She was nervous of course but she was so excited, and so sad, but most of all she felt guilty. Guilty for so much time wasted being afraid of her feelings and what Victoria made her feel.  

When they crossed paths with the first person of their journey, she was suddenly on alert. No one could be trusted, and any person could be a threat, but as they got further into the town, they passed more people who didn't seem to look twice at them or Tony's suit following behind them like a guard...robot. It was strange to walk around so obviously on display and not get recognized, though she was grateful for the anonymity because it was not something she considered before blindly stepping into the portal. Not being spared even a single glance reminded her of New York and brought her an odd sense of comfort along with the fact that they were getting closer to finding Victoria.  

They passed by what was obviously the main part of town, some shops, the library and clocktower, apartments, and were now headed to an actual neighborhood where there were fewer people walking the streets. "What do you think we'll find?" Natasha finally broke the tense silence they were in. 

Tony gasped as if he forgot she was there, and Natasha eyed him warily. He cleared his throat and the awkward moment passed. "I don't know. As long as she's alive, that's all I care about." 

Tony stopped suddenly and she stopped next to him. "What?" she probed. "What is it?" 

"She's close enough to get an exact location." He didn't explain further and only called for his suit again before grabbing her wrist and taking off. 

Natasha didn't get a chance to adjust to the sudden change of altitude and had difficulty breathing with the wind whipping in her face, but it was over almost as soon as it started and they were landing in front of a large white mansion surrounded by perfectly trimmed, luscious grass and shrubs. She caught her breath as they stood in front of a white door with 108 in gold and looked around for possible points of entry when she noticed Tony leaning over to ring the doorbell.  

"Are you crazy?" she hissed. Did he just expect them to hand over Victoria because they asked nicely ? Her hands itched to do something, Victoria was right there , was she not? 

Tony turned to her, popping his helmet open. "What?" he shrugged, or at least did a move that closely resembled a shrug in his suit. "If Friday is wrong, we would have broken into someone's very nice home for no reason." 

"And if Friday is right, then we'll be at a disadvantage. It's just the two of us against an unknown enemy," she snapped. "She was sucked through a portal and has been stuck here with whoever or whatever—" 

"You don't think I'm worried about the same thing?" His eyes flashed and Natasha's mouth snapped shut. "She's my best friend, my family . Don't forget that only a year ago you only cared enough to keep her on a shelf and take her off when it was convenient for you." 

Her lips parted but no words escaped because while she hated it, she knew he was right. He always was when he pointed out her shameful behavior that she now regretted deeply. "You don't have to bring that up every time we argue," she mumbled angrily. "I might not have been the person she needed me to be before, but I recognize my mistakes and I'm trying to learn from them. You don't see me bringing up all the people you killed with your weapons whenever I'm angry with you." 

"Those weapons were meant to be used by U.S. military to help fight in wars. People inevitably die in wars. It was not my fault they ended up in the wrong hands, but once I found out they were, I created Ironman and put a stop to it."  

Natasha growled under her breath but swallowed her retort. Instead she rang the doorbell twice to spite Tony and whoever was on the other side. She smugly glared at Tony, and he rolled his eyes. Nobody came to the door and her patience was wearing thin. She already had to wait over a year, she didn’t want to wait anymore. As she went to ring the doorbell again, the door swung open rather harshly. She froze as she took in the woman now in front of them with a look of disdain on her face. She was in a black silk robe, her dark brown hair slightly tousled but otherwise very put together. One look at her, and Natasha knew she came from money, but whether she was a threat or not was harder to determine. Her brown eyes narrowed as she first regarded Tony, who was sporting his famous billionaire smile. When they met with Natasha's, she felt a shiver run down her spine. There was something powerful about this woman, cold and angry. 

"Can I help you?" she haughtily asked. She flipped her hair out of her face and folded her arms across her chest, making her somehow tower over both Natasha and Tony. 

"Uh yeah. We're looking for a friend," Tony started. "Victoria Pierce." The woman raised a brow but made no other indication whether or not she knew who he was asking for. "You wouldn't happen to know where we can find her, would you?" 

Natasha waited with bated breath, subtly reaching for a knife as the woman looked between the two of them as if they weren't worth more than the dirt on her shoes. A few moments of heavy silence passed, and Natasha's patience was at its breaking point. "Who's asking?"  

Before either Tony or Natasha could respond, Natasha ready to snap at this infuriating woman, a familiar voice floated through the air. "Who's at the door?" Natasha froze. Although she hadn't heard her voice in over a year, she still could easily recognize it, and she was left breathless. "Did Henry forget his key again?" 

The harsh uninterest on the woman's face melted into something warmer, making her much easier to read, but Natasha could barely focus on that, her mind reeling that Victoria was just on the other side. "No," the woman responded smoothly. She took a step back and opened the door wider. "It's for you." 

Then there she was, just a few feet away. She looked the same but so different. Her light brown hair that usually was kept short now went down past her shoulders which alone set Natasha's chest aflame. Tears built in her eyes, and she couldn't move, mesmerized and unable to believe that after a year she was finally seeing Victoria again. Almost like slow motion, Natasha watched her eyes widen and a small, "Tony?" fell from her lips.  

Natasha's heart dropped and a ringing sounded in her ears. That was when she finally noticed the baby in her arms, the oversized and overly worn sweater she wore, and the comfort and ease she was in. The woman that originally opened the door was suddenly by Victoria's side taking the baby from her arms and not a moment later, she broke off into a run. Tony had stepped out of his suit at some point, leaving it next to her as he met Victoria halfway and they came together in a bone crushing hug.  

She completely melted against Tony, and he squeezed her tight, pushing his face into her hair. Her hands were gripping the back of his t shirt with such strength that her knuckles were turning white, and Natasha even noticed a small tear forming. Then, she heard a sob come from Victoria, something she had never heard from her before and it broke something inside of her. An uneasiness began to form in the pit of her stomach as she took in the scene around her. The baby Victoria was previously holding was now snuggled up against the brunette who was watching Tony and Victoria with an unreadable expression as she absently rubbed the baby's back in a soothing motion. Suddenly, the excitement and eagerness she had to spill her love to Victoria was replaced with apprehension and she didn't know why.  

"I—I can't believe you're..." Victoria rasped, pulling her face away from Tony's chest. 

Natasha could only watch from afar as Tony held her face in his hands and she smiled up at him with glistening eyes. She looked at Tony as if he was an angel sent down from heaven, or the hero Natasha selfishly imagined herself to be for her, and he simply held her with such love and tenderness that Natasha couldn't help the jealousy she felt that it was him instead of her holding Victoria as she looked up at her in awe. 

Voice wet Tony muttered, "You look older." 

Victoria blinked at him, then laughed. It was the first time Natasha had heard her laugh in over a year and the tears that had gathered finally rolled down her cheeks. "You look the same," Victoria whispered in awe. She sniffled and smiled again. "What are you doing here?" 

"What?" Natasha finally spoke, her brain short circuiting for a moment. Victoria finally looked at her then, only now noticing that she was there as well. Her smile fell as she stared at Natasha in shock. Of all the reactions she expected, that was not it and her heart clenched painfully.  

Time seemed to stand still as Natasha finally had Victoria's undivided attention. For months, she had hoped to just be able to look at her again, to see her smile, smell her warm caramel scent and now she was taking in a face that was so familiar but so different. Tony was right, she did look older, but she was still so unbelievably beautiful, and Natasha fell in love with her all over again.  

Then the moment was over when a throat cleared, and Victoria easily looked away leaving her cold and alone. It was the brunette with the baby that got Victoria's attention so swiftly and nausea built in Natasha's stomach as the smile she received from Victoria. She had seen Victoria smile before, many times, but it was never like this. There was something lighter about this smile, something whole that Natasha never noticed was missing in her smile until now.  

"Oh right," Victoria laughed sheepishly. She gently slipped out of Tony's hold and ambled over to the woman, taking the baby from her with practiced ease. She bounced the baby that Natasha finally registered as a girl. "This little one is Lana," she said with pride, rubbing her nose against the baby's cheek. Then she leaned back and if it was possible, she seemed to radiate happiness and so much love as she looked at the brunette. "And this is Regina."  

Natasha's mind suddenly felt muddled as she looked at what seemed to be a beautiful family. All hope and relief that she had with finding Victoria vanished as she listened to Victoria's voice soften and watched her eyes shine in the way they used to when looking at her . She wanted to disappear and be anywhere else, so she didn't have to hear Victoria's words that stabbed her heart over and over, leaving it for dead. 

"My wife." 

[kleverarachnid]

No Happy Endings?

Ch. 2: Natasha Pt. 1

Summary: Natasha Romanoff was foolishly in love with Victoria but past trauma kept her from accepting that fact. She was fine with that before she discovered that she got swept up in a portal that took her who knows where.

Full story on AO3: Here

It was the look in those hazelnut eyes, the way they always softened and smiled at her. It was the warmth of her hands when she held her close as if she didn't want her to go, as if she was something to keep safe. It was the way she kissed her with such emotion, saying what her words couldn't. It was the way she always felt loved and cherished  in those moments, and it was because of those moments she tried to distance herself time and time again from Victoria Pierce. 

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Natasha asked innocently, batting her eyelashes as she looked up at a blushing Bruce.  

"Ah...not, I don't think so." He smiled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.  

He was nervous, as he always was around her. It was sweet, she thought, and he was nice with a nice personality. But that was all he was, nice. He was predictable and easy, soft and safe. At least safe when it came to her heart. He couldn't break something he had no access to. So, she batted her eyelashes and smiled at the right times, knowing that at the end of it all, she wouldn't get hurt. Love is for children after all. 

She took a step forward into his personal space, not missing the way his body tensed, and pretended to be reaching for something on his shirt. His breaths were shallow, and he didn't blink as he watched her. Easy. She smirked and didn't take her eyes away from his as she softly brushed his shoulder. He gulped before a nervous chuckle fell from his lips and looked down where her breasts were practically on display. He made a sound between a gasp and a yelp, looking back up and Natasha fought not to laugh.  

"Hey, Banner?"  

Startled, Bruce jumped back as far as he could, turning around to find Tony walking in. She couldn't care less if anyone saw them and patiently waited for Tony to say whatever he had to say. He stopped when he saw Natasha, looking between them with furrowed brows. Bruce cleared his throat as he fiddled with his fingers, taking another step to further the distance between himself and Natasha.  

"Uh...hey Tony," Bruce mumbled with a nod. Tony narrowed his eyes at Natasha, and she only raised an eyebrow in response. He scrutinized her a moment longer before turning to Bruce.  

"Have you two seen Vic? She was supposed to meet me about an hour ago." 

Natasha feigned nonchalance while Bruce shook his head. With a tone of indifference, she asked, "Have you called her?" 

Tony rolled his eyes. "Of course, I called her. Multiple times in fact. She was supposed to stop by the lab which is why I'm asking if you two seen her." 

Natasha's stomach dropped, dread burning her chest. Her mouth was dry as she choked out, "She was in the lab?" 

Tony sighed, obviously annoyed. "I don't know, Romanoff. That's why I'm asking." 

Natasha swallowed thickly and exhaled. It wasn't that she cared about Victoria, or her feelings, or what she thought of Natasha, she just didn't want her to have heard her conversation with Bruce. Or to see her with Bruce at all, but not because she cared, because she didn't.  

"Sorry Tony," Bruce's voice brought her back to the present conversation. "We haven't seen her." 

Tony twisted his lip but nodded, defeated. "Okay. Let me know if you do, okay?" 

Bruce nodded and Natasha cleared her throat, crossing her arms as she shrugged. Tony glared at her until she gave a curt nod and walked away shaking his head. Her jaw clenched as she watched him leave, the silence he left behind unbearably loud. She swallowed thickly, avoiding Bruce's curious gaze. Time passed in silence, Natasha refusing to speak or look in his direction as he stood awkwardly waiting for something.  

Then the elevator doors opened again and for a moment Natasha feared it would be Victoria. She didn't know if she was relieved or disappointed that it was Steve who came in instead. He smiled warmly at them, unlike Tony who only seemed to have glares reserved for Natasha.  

"Hey, guys. Stark said my shield was in here?" He looked around as if it would suddenly appear. 

"Yeah yeah," Bruce immediately said, leading him somewhere that Natasha didn't follow.  

Instead, she used it as an opportunity to escape so she could gather her thoughts. She felt all over the place, which was not something she felt often, or ever really. The last time she felt like this was when Clint was offering to save her from the KGB, and she had to make a choice that went against everything she was taught and that was ingrained in her. 

"Any progress on finding Loki's scepter?"  

"Uh...I–Well, I don't think—I haven't gotten a chance to check it today."  

That was the last thing Natasha heard before the elevator doors closed in front of her. She sighed to herself, feeling a headache forming behind her eyes. The elevator doors opened, and she was on the floor of the temporary room Tony set up for her. She strode through the hall until she made it to her door, letting herself in and locking it behind her.  

A part of her hoped Victoria would be waiting for her on the bed like she sometimes did, naked underneath her sheets. But she wasn't there, probably because she was in the lab and heard Natasha flirting with Bruce. Not that she cared, of course, it was just that Victoria was quite possibly the best lover—sex partner she'd ever had. She didn't want to lose that.  

Natasha shook her head at her thoughts, she was getting too soft and needed to get a grip. She stripped out of her clothes as she headed to her bathroom for a shower. She felt wrong and dirty after flirting with Bruce like she always did. She felt like she was betraying something, or someone, even though she wasn't. She didn't owe anyone anything, at least that was what she kept telling herself. 

The hot water scorched her skin, turning it pink but she didn't turn down the temperature and stayed underneath the burning water. She felt she deserved it, though she didn't have a reason. At least not one she was willing to admit to herself. She stayed under the water unmoving for what felt like hours, staring at the wall in front of her.  

After a while, she put her head underwater letting the water fall from her hair into her face. It was hot and burned her eyes, but it also felt so good. She moaned softly, finally feeling herself relax as she closed her eyes. Hazelnut eyes came to mind, darkened with lust as they stared up at her. Natasha groaned when arousal suddenly flooded her body.  

With her eyes still closed, she trailed a hand down her chest until she reached a stiff nipple. She squeezed and tugged, sighing softly at the image before her. Victoria lay naked beneath her like so many times before, her breasts jiggling in front of her face, her dark nipples hard, and waiting for Natasha's mouth.  

"Fuck," she whispered.  

As she moved her hand to play with her other nipple, she used her free hand to trail down her stomach and right above her clit where she teased herself. She moaned lightly as she imagined Victoria's hands roaming her body like they so often did while her own hand squeezed her nipple tighter, almost painfully, which Natasha liked, especially when it was Victoria.  

"You like that Nat?" She could hear Victoria's voice, low and so, so seductive.  

Natasha finally rubbed her throbbing clit, groaning as the sensation was almost too much to bear. She rubbed around it a few times before using her middle finger to rub down her slit and gather all the sticky wetness that built up. She squeezed her breast as she rubbed small circles around her clit, finally giving herself some relief. She opened her legs wider, almost grinding on her fingers and letting the hot water hit her just right.   

Victoria's short light brown hair was messy in her mind after Natasha grabbed and pulled on it so much, and the image of a well fucked Victoria made her lose her balance. She caught herself on the wall with the hand that was playing with her breasts, never stopping her movements on her clit, the water now falling down her back. She began moving rougher but not faster, making this feeling last for as long as possible.  

She groaned softly, trying to hold back until she hit a spot just right, and couldn't stop the filthy moan that spilled out of her lips. She was breathing heavily, barely able to hold back as her fingers sped up, chasing her orgasm. Steam was filling the shower almost making it harder to breathe and all Natasha could do was ride her own fingers, breath heavy, and soon the coil in her stomach snapped. She mewled Victoria's name pathetically, her legs shaking as she came. 

She stood, catching her breath and lazily stroking herself being careful to avoid her now sensitive clit. She could feel her cum dripping down her thigh and used her middle finger to scoop some of it before the water could wash it off. She brought her finger to her mouth, tasting herself and moaning softly. It would taste better if it were Victoria. 

Her eyes suddenly snapped open when her brain caught up with her thoughts and she snatched her finger out of her mouth. She shook her head and quickly scrubbed herself clean, shutting the shower off and standing in the middle of her bathroom. The mirror was fogged up, so her reflection was blurry. 

She thought it was a fitting reflection of how she lived her life. Only showing people part of her, never the full picture. She wasn't even sure herself of who she was. She stared at her obscured reflection, water dripping onto the tile of the floor. She was nothing but a shadow of a person, a mold of what everyone else wanted her to be. An indistinct figure in the mirror.  

She was startled when there were hard, loud knocks coming from the bedroom door. "Nat?" It was Steve. "Are you in here?" 

She opened her mouth to reply but felt her mouth get dry, so she cleared her throat. "Yes!" Her voice still sounded strange to her own ears. "Just a minute!" 

She quickly searched for a towel although she didn't really need it considering she was mostly dry. She hadn't even realized she'd been standing there for so long. She grabbed a clean towel out of the bathroom closet and wrapped it around herself as she walked into her room, quickly drying places that were still damp. She threw some clothes on before swinging the door open revealing a distressed Steve.  

"What's up?" 

He sighed, "I'm not sure. Stark said it was urgent and you weren't answering your phone..." 

"I was in the shower," she replied. Not that she would have answered for Tony right now anyway.  

"Well, he really needs everyone to meet him in the main room."  

"Okay," she said slowly. "I'll be there in a minute." 

Steve grimaced a little but nodded and reluctantly walked off. Natasha raised a brow at his retreating form but finished getting dressed now that she wasn't being rushed. Whatever Tony wanted had to be important if he sent Steve to get her, so without wasting any more time she headed upstairs. 

When she entered, everyone else was already there around the couches. Thor stood with his arms crossed, his huge biceps bulging without him even having to flex. Bruce sat on the edge of one of the couches, his hands folded together as he stared at the ground. Steve and Clint were sat next to each other on a different couch, Clint relaxed and seemingly unbothered while Steve was stoic and prepared for something.  

Then there was Tony. As she got closer, she noticed his demeanor was different. He was sitting on a chair, staring at nothing and his usual confident posture was now slouched and defeated. It was strange to see him this way, even when he thought he was dying he still managed to act like an arrogant asshole. After taking another look around, she realized there was someone missing.  

"What's going on?" Natasha asked, gathering everyone's attention.  

She sat on the couch Bruce was on, trying to get a read on everyone but it seemed the only one who knew what was going on was Tony. So, she looked at him, having to stop the frown that wanted to take over her face. His eyes were red, not like usual from not getting enough sleep or taking care of himself properly. He had been crying, and he was crying for a while if his bloated face was any indication.  

"Nice of you to finally join," he snarked. Even his voice sounded different.  

Natasha rolled her eyes and leaned back against the couch. "Did you find another Hydra base? What's so important you couldn't wait another ten minutes?" 

He glared at her, although he looked more broken than angry, and she wasn't sure if she should be defensive or worried. Sure, they didn't get along that well, but she didn't like seeing him like this either. Looking around, it seemed everyone else noticed the difference as well. He sniffed and pulled out his phone, tapping something until an image came up. It was footage from the roof, and sitting in front of some flowers was Victoria. She sat up, suddenly alert and completely focused.  

The feed played and showed her looking around until suddenly some sort of portal appeared. It reminded Natasha of the one caused by the tesseract but much smaller, and also orange, but a portal all the same. There was a strange feeling in her stomach, something she rarely felt. She watched with dread as Victoria finally saw the portal too late as it was sucking her toward it.  

She couldn't hear anything, which made it worse, watching her being dragged across the roof, everything being thrown around and Victoria unable to grab anything to stop herself from being sucked into the unknown. Absolute terror gripped Natasha's chest when she saw the portal finally suck her in and close right behind her, and she was on her feet in an instant.  

"When was this?"  

With a sad, but cold tone, Tony answered, "Two hours ago." 

"Where did she go?" Thor asked.  

"I don't know," Tony sighed.  

"Do we have a way to find her?" Steve asked.  

It was fear that Natasha felt, she suddenly realized. She was scared, terrified actually, but not because she cared about Victoria. That wasn't who she was, love was for children and Natasha Romanoff did not care. The last time she let herself love, it was violently ripped away from her, tearing apart what little humanity she had left. She was still scared though and couldn't help the way her heart raced. 

"I tried tracking her watch, but it's nowhere to be found...here." Her eyes snapped to Tony, hearing but not fully understanding.  

Nowhere to be found? How was that even possible? "Are you saying..." Bruce's anxious voice started. "Are you saying it's possible she's not on Earth?" 

Natasha swallowed. Not on Earth? Would she even be alive anywhere else? She heard Tony's sigh and took in his defeated shoulders. She never knew he was close to Victoria, especially not enough to cry over her. Then again, she never took the time to talk or get to know either of them. She clenched and released her fists at her sides. Never show weakness.  

She carefully sat back down, not taking her eyes off Tony who stared at his hands. He sighed suddenly and stood, looking around. "I... I wouldn't even know where to start." 

His head shook and his jaw tightened but he didn't seem like he was going to start crying again. "Thor," Steve's determined voice broke through the silence. "Would you be able to find her?" 

Natasha's gaze landed on Thor who now had his arms at his side looking lost. He hummed thoughtfully as he rubbed his chin before mumbling, "I could travel across the realms but...searching blindly could take years." 

"And she might not even be there," Tony muttered. He began pacing, hugging himself tight.  

"Could this be Hydra?" Steve then asked.  

All eyes seemed to go to Tony for answers, at least that was how Natasha felt. She hated relying on others but sometimes it couldn't be helped, like when Steve saved her life. And now, she had to rely on Tony and maybe Bruce to bring Victoria back.  

"It..." Tony sighed heavily and paused his pacing. "It could be anyone." 

Clint, who had been silent this entire time, suddenly stood. He had what seemed to be a permanent frown on his face as he got a closer look at the paused screen of Tony's phone. He stared at it for a long time, not saying a word. Then he looked at Tony.  

"Can you play it again?" 

They had a stare down until Tony rewound the video and played it again. It was the same thing, Victoria sitting in front of some flowers, looking around as a portal grew behind her. Natasha looked away, not wanting to see her get sucked into it a second time.  

"Again," Clint said.  

"What do you see?" Steve asked.  

Natasha was curious as well but one look at Clint showed he was too focused to answer right now. Tony stared at him for a moment before doing what he asked, rewinding the video and playing it again. Clint was laser focused, his eyes constantly moving as he looked at every piece of the video. 

"There, go back." Everyone was now huddled behind Clint, trying to get a glimpse of what he saw. Tony played it one more time, this time with Clint pointing at something. "That flower. Before the portal was there, that flower glowed." 

"That could just be the sun reflecting on it," Steve argued.  

They both looked at Tony, as did Natasha waiting to know what he thought. He focused on the image, barely moving, and even rewound it again to watch. Natasha could see what Clint saw, the way it suddenly shone right before the portal appeared but that could easily be explained by the sun. Tony, however, silently watched the clip repeatedly.  

It was silent in that room, everyone waiting in anticipation for Tony's verdict. Finally, after what felt like a long wait, he looked at Clint with curiosity. He studied him silently and Clint let him. "Yeah, I see it," Tony finally said. 

"What is it?" Bruce asked.  

"I don't know," Tony answered. He stared at the frozen image of the flower that had a small glow to it before continuing, "But it's something. It's a start." 

~•~ 

This past week was the most time Natasha had spent in Tony's lab since they began the search for Loki's scepter. She was there under the pretense that she wanted to see Bruce while he located Hydra bases, although she often ended up hovering near Tony who was doing all he could to find Victoria. 

"Can I help you, Romanoff?" Natasha ignored Tony's dismissive tone, crossing her right leg over the other as she resituated in the chair. She watched him, hoping whatever he was doing would work to bring Victoria back soon. "What are you doing here anyway?" 

He never took his eyes away from whatever he was doing, but he also never failed to let her know her presence was unwanted. "How is it going with finding her?" 

That seemed to give him pause and she immediately regretted asking. "Why?" he asked coldly. "Worried?" 

She clenched her jaw to prevent herself from lashing out. "Of course, she's a part of the team." 

He didn't respond but his shoulders were a lot more tense than before, so she decided to leave him alone for now. If he found anything useful, he would let them know. As she was on her way to the other side of the lab where Bruce was, she almost ran into him, more like he almost ran into her.  

"Oh! Sorry, I–I—" 

"It's fine," she cut off his apology. They stood in front of each other, Bruce with his hands in front of him nervously fidgeting and Natasha waiting for him to speak as she hid an amused smile.  

"There's...a possible location for Loki's scepter," he finally whispered. 

"Oh." Natasha blinked. "Right." 

While she knew Bruce was looking for the scepter, she didn't think there was a possibility they might find it before they found Victoria. There was no way she was so far away that they couldn't go save her, but she must have been far enough away that there had been no progress on her location.  

"I was going to..." Bruce's voice brought her out of her thoughts and she focused on him again, giving him a soft smile. That seemed to have caught him off guard and he stuttered, "I–I was going to tell...um Tony." 

She stepped out of his way and let him pass, deciding to leave the lab and prepare for the mission ahead. If she couldn't help bringing Victoria back, the least she could do was stop Hydra from hurting anyone else. If she couldn't help the person she—a person she worked with, she could help others. 

The time passed, slowly but surely with no progress on finding Victoria, and they had been on countless missions taking down Hydra bases with no luck in finding the scepter. Months went by and every day with no progress felt like another failure, especially for Tony. Victoria's disappearance hit him the hardest and everyone knew. Natasha wasn't sure if they were close or if he felt a sense of responsibility for her and she didn't want to ask. She'd only seen them interact a few times and they seemed to get along very well when they did but Natasha got along well with Steve, and they weren't close.  

In trying to keep a distance from Victoria, she'd made them practically strangers and didn't know a thing about her except what made her cum quickly. She didn't even know her favorite color, if she even had one. She sighed when she realized that once again, her thoughts filled with Victoria without her permission. She was in the quinjet, they were on their way to Sokovia where Bruce was sure they would find the scepter this time, but after three months of him being sure, Natasha had her doubts. Tony landed in a discreet spot so they could sneak up on them this time. They were sure that after taking down so many bases, word spread, and they didn't want to give them a fighting chance.  

The hatch opened and they were assaulted by the harsh weather of Sokovia. Natasha was used to the cold having grown up in Russia but even she had to admit, it was pretty cold. Just as she had the thought, her suit immediately began to heat up, releasing steam, and looking around she noticed everyone else's was doing the same. Usually, Tony would give a sarcastic comment, boasting about the work he did on their suits but lately, he had been quieter and more subdued. 

She hated seeing him like that, it felt weird and unnatural. "Let's go in quietly," Steve said breaking her out of her thoughts.  

Quietly turned out to be loud and chaotic. After successfully taking down the guards at the entrance, all hell broke loose, and their alarms went off, sending more agents within seconds. Even though they knew to expect the possibility of it happening, it still was a bit of a shock when there were suddenly countless Hydra agents shooting at them with advanced weapons. 

Tony and Thor went through most agents, leaving everyone else to Clint, Steve, and herself. It was almost habit by now, the way they effortlessly fought together. Surprisingly, they hadn't needed Bruce the last few times, but this time Tony didn't hesitate to call him in when shit began to hit the fan.  

"Shit!" Tony's exclamation brought her back to the mission at hand.  

"Language," Steve immediately scolded and Natasha stifled a laugh. "Jarvis, what's the view from upstairs?" 

Jarvis explained that there was an energy shield and Natasha thought that sounded like something only the scepter could do, especially considering no other Hydra base had one. If their advanced weapons weren't already an indication, this confirmed it for her.  

"Loki's scepter must be here. Strucker couldn't mount his defense without it," Thor said, voicing Natasha's thoughts. "At long last." 

Avoiding bullets from multiple gun machines, Natasha threw a grenade onto a vehicle before jumping and connecting her knee with someone's jaw. She quickly recovered, running and wrapping her legs around one of the gunner's necks, throwing him off balance as she kicked the agent standing next to him. With unsurprising strength, she brought them both to the ground effectively knocking them out.  

When she saw no immediate danger in front of her, she reached for her pistol and she replied, "At long last is lasting a little long boys."  

She shot the remaining gunman and took off where more Hydra agents seemingly appeared out of nowhere. "Yeah," Clint piped in. "Think we lost the element of surprise."  

Natasha wanted to roll her eyes, but Tony cut in with almost complete seriousness. "Is no one else gonna deal with the fact that Cap just said "language"?"  

Natasha let herself smile as she hid behind a tree to catch her breath. "I know," Steve sighed. There was silence and then after a few moments he continued breathlessly, "It just slipped out."  

There was no more time for conversation as more heavy fire was being shot at them. Natasha left her spot from behind the tree and rejoined the fight. She could hear the others fighting through the earpiece and she didn't know whether or not she liked the idea Steve came up with of having the comms on at all times. Sure, it was easier than having to press a finger to her ear to talk, especially in high stress situations, but there was also no peace. Everything they did and said could be heard at all times, it was annoying and exhausting while also helpful.  

Besides the bunkers and tanks, the fight was lightening up and there were fewer agents to deal with up close. Just as she began to relax, she heard Clint's cry of pain somewhere behind her and turned to see him collapse to the ground. "Clint!" 

She ran toward him hearing Steve in her ear, "We have an enhanced in the field." 

"Clint's hit," was all she could say in response. She slid on her knees next to him ignoring the shots around her as she instinctively did what she could to make sure he didn't bleed out. He was groaning in pain, and she tried to push her worry away so she could focus on making sure he would be okay. "Somebody wanna deal with that bunker?" she finally snapped. There was a loud roar from the Hulk and heavy shots fired before he smashed the bunker with ease. "Thank you," she murmured.  

Without the threat of being shot at, she refocused on helping Clint. It wasn't too bad, more of a graze but with the machine that shot him, a graze was still fatal, at least to his hip. As everyone else discussed things that Natasha barely paid any attention to, she put pressure on his wound and sedated him.  

After what felt like hours, she assessed the damage now that she had stopped the bleeding. With a sigh, she said, "Clint's hit pretty bad guys. We're gonna need evac." 

"I can get Barton to the jet," Thor said. "The sooner we're gone the better." She silently agreed and didn't pay much attention to anything else that was said, her only focus being Clint.  

She couldn't help thinking that if Victoria was here, this wouldn't have happened. She was always so alert and aware of everything even if her back was turned. She wouldn't have let Clint get hit, she would have taken it and healed in seconds. Now she was God knew where and things weren't the same. 

By the time she had Clint secured, Thor arrived ready to take him. She looked around seeing no more Hydra agents or bunkers shooting at them, Tony's drones now taking control. "We're locked down out here." 

"Then get to Banner. Time for a lullaby," Steve said.  

Natasha almost forgot that she had to get Bruce back, being so worried about her friend. She turned to see the green giant stomping around like a petulant child and almost smiled. She couldn't help but think of the first time she brought Bruce back, Victoria was so worried. She wondered what she would think now.  

She took slow cautious steps toward him, not wanting to startle him. While he could be easily calmed down, he could just as easily get worked up and become full of rage. So, she moved slowly so as not to startle him and when she was close enough, she paused. He was throwing something around, huffing and puffing and she couldn't help comparing it to an angry toddler.  

"Hey big guy," she called. He growled as he turned around but paused long enough for her to continue, "The sun's gettin' real low." 

He growled again and bared his teeth, but she didn't flinch. He huffed after that, and she bent down. While she wasn't completely terrified, sometimes she couldn't help remembering what happened on the helicarrier that day three years ago. If it hadn't been for Thor, she would probably be dead. Pushing that memory away, she held her hand up to get his attention.  

And like many times before, his breathing slowed, and he slowly mirrored her movement. She held her arm out and he placed his hand on top of hers, the size difference was massive, but she tried not to pay much attention to that. Now confident that he wouldn't suddenly lash out, Natasha softly brushed her hand against his arm until she reached his fingers.  

She smiled softly and his hand jerked before he stumbled backward using a tree to catch himself. She watched as the Hulk turned from a green giant into Bruce Banner, respectfully looking away when his giant clothes became nonexistent. Thor soon returned with a change of clothes for Bruce, and Natasha smiled in thanks before he flew back to the jet.  

She was worried about Clint and becoming impatient the longer she had to wait. She knew he was okay, but she just had to see for herself. When she saw it for herself, then she could relax. Footsteps behind her brought her out of her thoughts and when she turned, she was met with a sheepish Bruce. He smiled awkwardly avoiding her eyes and she watched him with a smirk. Easy indeed.  

~•~ 

Hours later Clint was fine, Helen Cho's machine making it seem as if it never even happened. It was impressive and if Natasha hadn't been there when he was hit, she wouldn't have known that he was ever injured at all. The party that Tony mentioned months ago was starting upstairs, although he didn't seem as excited as one thought he would be. He hadn't been at all like anyone thought he’d be, not since that day all those months ago.  

The only time they ever got a glimpse of the Tony they had come to know was in the middle of taking down Hydra bases, but it was as if a switch flipped when there was nothing going on. He was quiet and if he wasn't quiet, he was cranky and snapping at anyone, mostly Natasha, so she did her best to keep her distance.  

The redhead sighed, looking at herself in the mirror. If she was honest, she wasn't really in a party mood either. She was glad they found the scepter, it only took them six months, but there was still something missing. She sighed again, taking one last look in the mirror. She just wished...she shook her head at herself. She didn't care, she wasn't supposed to care. It went against everything she was taught, everything she was trained to be. No, she definitely did not care.  

She left the bathroom, making sure to turn off the light. The outfit she had on was picked out weeks ago, only worn once before on a mission with—She swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in her throat. A knock at her door startled her but she went to answer it, keeping her emotions off her face. On the other side was Clint, he gave her once over with a nod of approval.  

"I have come to escort you to the party," he said with a mischievous glint in his eye.  

She frowned at her friend, who she trusted most in the world. This was a little out of character for him and she had a feeling she knew why. With a sigh, she said, "I'm fine."  

His smile never wavered though and if she didn't know any better, she would have thought her previous assumption was wrong. But she did know better, and she knew Clint. He was worried about her like he usually was, but she was fine. Victoria being gone was...it was awful, but Natasha was a professional and they were nothing more than teammates, at least as far as he knew.  

"Of course you are," he smoothly replied. "You look great by the way. If I wasn't married..." he trailed off, wiggling his eyebrows and Natasha smiled shaking her head.  

"Shut up." She stared at her longtime friend, the person who saw something in her that she never saw in herself, and wondered just how much he knew. He was a lot more observant than she gave him credit for.  

"Look, I won't say much." He paused as he crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know what was going on between you and Pierce, but I know her disappearance is a lot harder on you than you let on."  

Her heart raced as she stood, clenching her jaw and trying to remain impassive. She felt exposed and regretted opening the door. Clint smiled apologetically but didn't say anything else, just held out his arm for her to take. She resisted the urge to bite her lip as she looked at the offered arm. Without looking him in the eye, she took his arm and shut off the light. 

They walked together in silence, Natasha taking the time to calm her thoughts. She wasn't supposed to care, it went against her training, her very being. She had been fine the past few weeks, months even but today just felt different without Victoria's presence. It was like it finally registered that she was really gone, and she didn't know if she would ever see her again.  

She didn't know when they got on the elevator, nor when they got off, but her ears were suddenly bombarded with loud music coming from a few feet away. The wide double doors were propped open for anyone to enter, and she could already see plenty of people finely dressed and working their way to being tipsy. It was going to be a long night.   

No one paid much attention to them as they walked in, which Natasha was thankful for, then again, she was used to being able to fly under the radar as was Clint so it shouldn't have been a big surprise. He squeezed her hand, bringing her out of her thoughts and it was as if a switch was flipped. She was no longer the grieving widow, wishing her person would come back to her.  

She sent Clint a genuine smile, at least it felt genuine but from his reaction, it was obvious he still saw through her. She paid no mind to it though and released herself from his hold to get a drink. There were only two bartenders on duty, one woman with tattoos adorning both arms and a man with a bright smile.  

She walked up to the woman, who had just finished serving someone else. The woman and her piercing blue eyes looked the redhead up and down with no shame and Natasha smirked. "What can I get you?" 

"A beer," she smoothly replied. 

"You come here with anyone?" The brunette asked as she handed over the bottle of beer. Natasha couldn't stop the image of brown eyes and pink lips smiling at her like she hung the moon and the stars. Would she have asked to escort Natasha instead of Clint? Would Natasha have even agreed?  

She couldn't help but look around the large room, hoping to spot light brown hair but of course, she was nowhere to be found. Turning back to the woman who was looking at her expectantly, she shook her head. "No, I'm all alone tonight." 

The woman sighed as if she received terrible news. "That's a shame, a woman that looks like you, wearing that outfit..." 

"The night is still young," Natasha flirted. She got a smile in return.  

"It sure is."  

"Romanoff." She turned at the sound of her name, being met with another pair of blue eyes. 

"Hill," she replied, finally opening her beer bottle and taking a sip.  

"Have you seen Stark? He needs to sign for...well everything." The older woman sighed and looked around as if he would suddenly appear. 

"I just got here so no. Shouldn't he have done all that earlier?" Natasha fully faced Maria, the bartender long gone from her mind.  

"Yes!" the brunette exclaimed. "He's been stuck in his lab since you guys returned and 'doesn't want to be disturbed'." She used a voice that she assumed was her impression of Tony with air quotes before rolling her eyes. It had only been a year since Maria started working for Tony and it was obvious she was already sick of it. Natasha would have laughed if she didn't already know an inkling of what she was going through. The few weeks she spent pretending to be his assistant were stressful and tiresome, like raising a child.  

Natasha leaned against the bar and took another sip of her drink, letting the cool liquid travel down her throat as she weighed her options. She could stay up there and work her way through the party, somewhere she didn't really want to be. Or she could go find Tony in the lab, somewhere she was unwanted, but where she was certain he was working on finding Victoria, and receive nothing but cold and snarky comments from the man.  

She took another sip of beer and leaned against the bar, sighing to herself. She knew which option she should choose, and she knew the one she wanted to choose even if she was going to be treated harshly. Looking at Maria from the corner of her eye, she noticed the brunette watching her and raised a brow in question. Maria simply smiled pleadingly, and the redhead could only sigh while taking another sip of her drink. 

"Fine I'll go talk to him," she finally said.  

"You're the best, Romanoff." 

She smirked in response, "I know." 

Drink in hand, she slipped out of the party with ease and made her way down to the lab. It was a familiar routine by now and Jarvis didn't even have to ask where she wanted to go. When the elevator doors opened, it was eerily silent. She walked through the lab, calling for Tony but received no response. Walking further, she looked around, seeing papers haphazardly thrown around, and did her best to step over them, but there were too many to avoid stepping on some.  

"Stark! I know you're in here!" She looked around for anything out of the ordinary, but everything seemed the same as it was earlier except for the trash now lying around.  

She stopped when she heard low mumbling. Silencing her steps, she snuck closer to the noise, peering over a few big screens to see a disheveled Tony focused on...something. He was muttering to himself like a madman and Natasha couldn't make out any words he said. Finally, he stopped and stared at something for a few moments, then sparks flew, starting a fire and Natasha instantly jumped to action. 

Tony was fumbling around, late to react to the fire that started, and she swiftly pulled him away, forcing her half full beer bottle into his chest and grabbing the fire extinguisher that was conveniently nearby. She sprayed the fire out, looking over her shoulder to ensure Tony was unharmed and when the danger was gone, she turned to face him. 

"What are you doing in here?" Tony asked coldly, holding her beer out. 

"Saving your life it seems." She sighed, feeling a little dejected but put the extinguisher down and took the bottle back. "What just happened?" 

He ignored her and pushed past her to assess the damage. He was pushing things around, some of them falling on the ground and she had to step back to avoid getting hit. He was muttering to himself again, obviously distressed, "No no no no no no no no."  

"Stark?"  

"Fuck!" He banged a fist on his workstation, making a few things clatter to the ground, dropping his head down.  

Looking over his shoulder, she saw blueprints that were half charred and a device that she assumed started the fire. "What is that?" 

Tony's head popped up and he turned to glare at her. She held his harsh gaze not fully understanding his sudden hatred for her. It seemed that lately he took out all his anger and frustration on her and she couldn't understand why.  

"Jesus, why do you hate me so much all of a sudden?" she finally snapped. 

"Just leave me alone, Romanoff," he sighed, his words more defeated than harsh. He turned back around, his hands resting on the slightly burned surface and his head hung low.  

Natasha was just confused, she couldn't understand his sudden hostility toward her. She thought they had gotten past their initial meeting and while they weren't friends, she at least thought they were able to be friendly. Sniffling brought her out of her thoughts, and she watched Tony use his sleeve to wipe his face.  

"Tony?" she softly called.  

He didn't respond but his shoulders shook, and Natasha heard the unmistakable sound of a sob. Eyes wide, she stepped forward unsure of what to do. Her hand hovered in the air just above his back, not quite touching but she could feel the heat radiating off his body. She gently placed her beer bottle down and let her hand fall onto the billionaire trying her best to soothe him.  

He didn't jerk away from her touch like she thought he would, so that was already a win. She rubbed his back trying to think of what to say as he did his best to cry silently. He mumbled something that she couldn't make out between his tears, and she told him to repeat it. 

With a sniffle, he stood straight and looked at her and then at the beer bottle she left on the table. "I said I don't like being handed things." 

She quirked a brow and couldn't help the smile that formed. "Seriously?" 

He folded his arms over his chest and Natasha finally had a chance to get a good look at him. His clothes were wrinkled, but that wasn't even what really caught her attention. His face was paler than normal, and his eyes were red with deep purple bags, he almost looked like he was dying.  

"Why are you in here?" he asked, breaking the silence that had built between them.  

She sighed but at least his tone wasn't as hostile, he was simply curious it seemed. "Hill sent me. You haven't signed anything for your party." 

"Shit," he muttered, checking his wrist where his watch was. "I didn't know..." 

He didn't finish his sentence, but Natasha didn't need him to, it was obvious he lost track of time. "Why don't you clean yourself up, sign everything and enjoy the rest of your party?" she suggested.  

He shook his head, staring longingly at the workstation. "I can't." Natasha was going to ask why but he continued before she could, "I'm so close, I can feel it." 

That sparked her interest and she intently watched Tony as he rubbed his hand over the device that was charred. "Close to what?" she asked when it seemed he wasn't going to elaborate further.  

"To finding her," he whispered. 

As much as Natasha wanted to believe him, to tell him to hurry and find her then, his breakdown said otherwise, and she knew he needed a break. "You're no good to anyone like this, especially her." 

His gaze snapped to hers and the anger in his eyes was blazing, his cheeks red and wet from his earlier crying. "What the hell would you know about being good to her?"  

The question took her by surprise and left her momentarily frozen, but she quickly recovered, clearing her throat. However, no words were coming out because; what did she know? He was right, something she would never admit out loud, and she swallowed discreetly.  

Ignoring his question she pressed on, "I just think...you need a break. You planned this party and you're not even up there." She looked around at the mess made from the flames. "You're down here crying over a fire." 

It was a little harsh, considering, but she wouldn't feel right if she left the lab without him. His glare was still set but he didn't spit anymore venom at her. His shoulders slumped in defeat, and he sighed heavily. With one last glance at the workstation, he walked past Natasha without a word. When she eventually heard the elevator closing behind him, she took a moment to look around. She couldn't tell exactly what Tony was working on, but it seemed complex and not something she'd ever seen SHIELD have, so she had to assume whatever he was working on was something that had never been made before.  

She gathered all the papers that were strewn across the lab, stacking them into a neat pile on an empty station, and took one more look around. This night was not going at all like she expected it to and by the time she found herself back upstairs, the party was dwindling down and most of the guests were gone. She swiftly made her way to where everyone was gathered by the couches, taking the empty seat by Rhodey. Clint was going on about Thor's hammer, obviously a little tipsy. Tony was already there, in a fresh suit, his hair still a little floppy but no other indication that he was sobbing in the lab thirty minutes ago. 

She tuned into the conversation, taking her eyes away from Tony who was knocking back drink after drink with no care in the world when Thor suggested that Clint try and lift his hammer. He stood with a goofy grin, staggering just a bit as he walked to the edge of the table where the hammer sat. 

He twirled the drumsticks in his hand and pointed them at the god. "You know I've seen this before, right?" He chuckled before tightly gripping the handle and attempting to pull. It of course didn't move, and he gave up easily, chuckling with that floppy grin firm in place. "I still don't know how you do it," he laughed.  

His eyes locked on to Tony's now glassy ones when the billionaire slurred, "Smell the silent judgment?"  

"Please Stark," Clint announced. "Be my guest." He pointed toward the hammer still firmly sat in place and Natasha couldn't help but feel like she was in some sort of alternate dimension. In all the months they had been together searching for Loki’s scepter, they never just sat around to hang out. 

Tony froze with the glass against his lips about to take another sip. He slowly lowered the glass and looked from Clint to the hammer to Clint again before he shook his head no. Everyone around mumbled their surprise, but Rhodey didn't hesitate to stand.  

"Well, I'd like a shot," he stated before walking around the table. He took a deep breath and tried to grab it, but it didn't move. He let go, looked at it, and smiled. "Just wait." 

He ran out of the room and Natasha glanced at Tony who was now staring at the floor. "You okay Tony?" Steve asked.  

Tony's head lifted and he looked around, lingering on Natasha before finally stopping at Steve. The redhead couldn't help but remember just thirty minutes ago in the lab where he was very much not okay. She stayed silent though, it wasn't her business to tell.  

"Oh yeah, Rogers. I'm great. Juuuussst great." He was slurring his words and swaying just a bit, but the sarcasm was still clearly there. He opened his mouth to continue but was interrupted by Rhodey announcing his return. 

Natasha was highly amused to see him wearing the hand of his suit and she leaned back against the couch to enjoy whatever was about to happen. With more confidence than before, he gripped the handle and pulled, grunting and even using the table to hold his leg. Everyone laughed and Maria finally told him to give up.  

Then it was Bruce who decided to go next. He smiled shyly, looking around before attempting to pull. It didn't move as expected, but Natasha was taken by surprise when he started fake roaring. It went quiet then, and Natasha tried to smile to help him feel less awkward. He cleared his throat and sat back down, avoiding eye contact with everyone. 

"Anyone else?" Thor asked, looking around before landing on Steve.  

Natasha was genuinely interested in seeing him try. She figured if anyone would be able to lift it besides Thor, Steve would. He was actually a good person who wanted to help people, help the world and he was selfless, as selfless as a human could be.  

He shrugged before he walked to the edge of the table. With a deep sigh, he rolled up his sleeves and grabbed the handle with both hands. He didn't lift it, but Natasha didn't miss the squeak made from the hammer dragging across the table. It was small and didn't move very far at all, but it did slightly, and Thor's face proved that he heard it as well. When Steve tried again though, it didn't budge and he surrendered, Thor's chuckle filling the air. 

"Nothing," Thor breathed out with another laugh. 

Bruce gestured for Natasha to go next, and she firmly shook her head, sitting back against the couch. "Oh no, that's not a question I need answered." 

She didn't need a hammer to tell her she wasn't worthy, she already knew that. The red in her ledger could tell her that, years spent killing for the KGB and even after, so yes, she already knew that she wasn't worthy. She swallowed thickly, suddenly remembering her beer that she left in the lab and wishing she had it with her to hide how uncomfortable she suddenly was.  

The attention on her didn't last long and everyone thankfully moved on fairly quickly when Tony slurred, "It's rigged!"  

"You bet your ass," Clint immediately agreed. 

"Steve," Maria playfully gasped. "He said a bad language word."  

Natasha laughed to herself as Steve sighed. He glanced at Tony in exasperation. "Did you tell everyone about that?" 

"The handle has his fingerprint," Tony said, ignoring Steve and looking at Thor. "Right, whoever has your...code?"  

Thor tilted his head and Natasha suddenly wondered just how much Tony drank in such a short time. "It's an interesting...theory," he finally replied and stood. "I have a simpler one." He cockily grabbed the hammer and flipped it around. "You're all not worthy." 

Groans were heard all around and Natasha smiled slightly. Morale had been low all around for months and it was refreshing to see everyone smiling and laughing for once. Well, almost everyone, Tony still was a lot more subdued although he was engaging in conversation tonight which he hadn't done in weeks.  

A blaring ringing screeched her ears, and she looked around for the source of the sudden noise, seeing one of Tony's robots, but it was mostly wires and barely holding together. It was silent apart from the sound of metal hitting the floor as the bot walked toward them.  

"No," a deep unfamiliar voice said. The robot finally turned to face them, and it was a very disturbing sight. "How could you be worthy? You're all killers." 

Natasha's jaw clenched and she looked around. "Stark," Steve said. Tony was still drunk, but he seemed to sober up a little, enough to pull out his phone.  

"Jarvis," Tony mumbled.  

"I'm sorry, I was asleep," the robot said. "Or...I was a dream." 

It wasn't making any sense and Natasha couldn't determine if it was a threat or not. Although to her, everything was a threat until proven otherwise so she was prepared for a fight if need be.  

"Reboot...Legionnaire OS. It's...buggy. There's a buggy suit." Natasha caught Steve's eye and it was clear he finally noticed just how intoxicated Tony was.  

"There was this terrible noise." Natasha turned back to the dismembered robot. "And I was tangled in..." It stumbled back as it seemed to look at itself. "In... strings. I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy." 

"You killed someone?" Steve asked.  

"Wouldn't have been my first call. But...down in the real world, we're faced with ugly choices." 

Natasha couldn't help but think of Dreykov's daughter in that moment. She tried not to think about it unless she wanted the guilt and grief to consume her, but now she couldn't stop the thickness that filled her throat.  

"Who sent you?" Thor's voice brought her out of her thoughts, and she focused on her surroundings to plan the best defense and attack. 

"I see a suit of armor around the world," Tony's voice played from a recording and Natasha frowned. Was this what he was working on earlier? 

"Ultron," Bruce finally spoke.  

"In the flesh," the robot replied. "Or no, not yet." It seemed to have...personality as it took another look at its body. "Not in this chrysalis. But I'm ready. I'm on a mission." 

"What mission?" Natasha asked, a bad feeling forming in her stomach.  

The robot looked to the side as if thinking before seemingly looking directly at her and it almost looked angry as it replied, "Peace in our time." 

Not a second later, glass shattered from more robots flying through it and Natasha immediately went into action. She grabbed Bruce and ran toward the bar hoping against all hope that he didn't turn into the Hulk. She pulled him with her over the bar and they landed on the ground, Bruce's face landing in between her breasts.  

He quickly lifted himself up. "Sorry!"  

"Don't turn green," she demanded. 

"I won't."  

Everything else really happened in a blur as Natasha moved on autopilot. She got Bruce away, shooting at anything coming toward them although it was a little redundant, but she made it away, and when Steve threw his shield through one of the last drones, there was silence.  

"That was dramatic," Ultron said. "I'm sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn't think it through." Natasha looked around, stopping at Tony who was lying in broken glass staring at the robot with glassy eyes. "You want to protect the world," Ultron continued. "But you don't want it to change. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to evolve?" 

She glanced at Bruce who was looking down avoiding her eyes. Her attention went back to the robot as it picked up one of Tony's fallen drones. "With these?" it asked with what sounded like disgust. "These puppets." It tossed it away from itself as if somehow offended by it. "There's only one path to peace. The Avengers' extinction." 

Extinction, Natasha repeated in her head. She didn't have much time to think on the robot's words when Thor's hammer smashed through it. It seemed to be gone for now and another glance at Bruce showed his extreme discomfort. What the hell were they doing in that lab? 

Before anyone had a chance to say anything, Tony stumbled out of the room and Thor was instantly changed and flew out, presumably to find the drone that took Loki's scepter. In the midst of everything, one drone got away with it and no one was able to do anything about it. Steve's sigh filled the silence, and she locked eyes with Clint. They had a silent conversation, both agreeing that everything just went to shit very quickly. Bruce cleared his throat and announced that he was going to the lab to figure out what happened. Everyone else wanted to follow along and Natasha agreed to meet everyone there after she changed.  

~•~ 

Natasha couldn't understand how they went from looking for Loki's scepter for months to going after a killer robot in less than a week but here they were. Unlike Sokovia, Africa was hot and dry. Her suit began sticking to her sweaty skin uncomfortably and it seemed the suit had heating but no cooling system, and it didn't help that they were in a shipyard. 

She was sneaking in with Clint for a higher advantage while Steve, Tony, and Thor went through the lower level. It was hot and smelled like salt and sweat, which wasn't a pleasant combination, and Clint sent her a look that said he shared her thoughts. By the time they made it into their positions, she could hear the familiar robotic voice of Ultron although she didn't hear what was being said. She waited until the other three made their entrance, which wasn't a long wait at all. When Tony landed, Ultron and the Maximoff twins' attention was on the three of them below instead of the two above. 

"Ah, junior," Tony sighed. "Gonna break your old man's heart."  

Green eyes rolled, but Natasha stayed silent as they talked back and forth. The boy, Pietro, made a comment that made his dislike for Tony very clear and as Steve tried to talk the twins into doing the right thing, which she already knew was a waste of time, Natasha prepared for an upcoming fight. When Ultron made the first move, everything moved quickly and so did she. 

Men made their way to her location, and she took them down with ease, kicking one man in the nose, wrapping an arm around his neck, and using his body to run along the wall and kick his partner, bringing them both down in one fluid motion. More men came toward her but went down before they could reach her, arrows leaving their mark.  

She had a passing thought, wondering if Victoria would be fighting up top with her or down below with the others. The thought quickly faded and was forgotten when another man came toward her, and she quickly reacted when a knife came toward her, moving her body out of the way and kicking it out of his hand. She elbowed his nose and wrapped her arm around his head to bring him down as she kicked another in the gut. He doubled over and she used her widow bites to immobilize him. 

What happened next was strange and not like anything she had ever experienced before. She was on the ship, looking at the last man that went down by Clint's arrow and then she wasn't. She found herself in a familiar hallway, one she never thought she would see again, one she dreaded being in again. Her heart raced as she walked down the familiar steps, holding onto the railing for dear life. 

When she reached the bottom, she saw the other widows practicing, moving to perfection because if they didn't it could cost them dearly. It felt too real to be a dream, her racing heart and clammy hands felt all too real to not be one. She was in a daze, unable to show the fear or despair she felt at being back. 

"You'll break them," she said without thought. 

"Only the breakable ones," Madam B's voice said from next to her. "You're made of marble. We'll celebrate after the graduation ceremony."  

Marble. Ceremony. Natasha's throat constricted but she couldn't help but ask, "What if I fail?" 

She continued watching the girls dance, in perfect harmony as the younger widows watched in complete silence. If they made any sound, punishment would surely follow. Suddenly she was no longer in her uniform, but in her clothes from her time at the Red Room. There was a target in front of her and a gun in her hand, and without thought she perfectly aimed and shot, switching which hand she used seamlessly.  

"You never fail," Madam B proudly said.  

Then instead of a target, there was a man with a brown bag over his head begging for his life. She was back outside the room, watching her younger self, but still her younger self. It was like watching herself in the third person and she couldn't stop herself from pulling the trigger, essentially killing the unknown man, nor could she look away as she watched herself commit her first murder. 

She was forced to relive the events leading up to her ceremony. And the ceremony, God she had tried her hardest to forget, convincing herself that she didn't want nor need kids. She had no place in the world, especially not as someone's mother. A killer like her? What kind of mother could she be when her own threw her away like last week's garbage?  

"Exactly," Madam B whispered.  

Then like a flipped switch, or a channel change, she was no longer in the place that haunted her childhood. She was instead in a familiar room, that she had felt too comfortable in, too safe and secure, lying in a bed that smelled like sweet caramel, a smell that was so intoxicating, and so good. It smelled like home, something Natasha had never had before, not really.  

When she turned over, she was met with familiar hazelnut eyes staring at her lovingly and she felt her heart constrict in her chest. God, those eyes. She had missed those eyes and almost forgot what they looked like when their attention was on her. How could she have forgotten about those eyes? And that smile, when was the last time she saw that smile? The one that was completely uncontrollable and brightened her entire face making her look younger than she was.  

"Hi," Natasha whispered, fearing that if she spoke any louder it would disturb the moment between them. 

"Do you love me?" 

Yes. The answer was stuck in her throat and the longer it took her to answer, the more the beautiful smile dimmed. Love is for children, she had to remind herself, but as she saw the last of Victoria's smile fade, the more her chest squeezed painfully making it almost impossible to breathe.  

She blinked and the bed was cold and empty, the smell of caramel gone, and she was all alone. She sat up, looking around and all of Victoria's belongings were gone, the bedroom now completely bare, even the bed. She heard wedding bells right outside the door and climbed out of the bare bed to investigate.  

She felt like she was moving in slow motion as she opened the door and entered a church. It was already filled to the brim, with the Avengers on the front row smiling wildly. She looked down the aisle and saw Victoria in a large white wedding dress, her short hair slicked back showing off her beautiful face.  

She was gorgeous, perfect really, and she was so very happy to see Natasha. Except her eyes weren't looking at Natasha at all. That was when someone walked past her, and she watched Victoria's smile widen as the unknown figure neared her. Natasha couldn't move, forced to watch as they soon joined hands and said their vows.  

Victoria was happy, she was glowing and the love in her eyes that was usually there when looking at Natasha was there for someone else. She smiled for someone else, and she spared Natasha not one glance. She was forgotten and left behind with nothing. Love was for children, and yet that didn't seem to stop Victoria.  

The priest asked if anyone had a reason that the two should not marry, if anyone had any objections. Natasha wanted to scream her objections, but like all other times she was with Victoria before, she stayed silent. She said nothing, kept it to herself, and pretended it didn't tear her apart from the inside out as she was forced to watch Victoria kiss someone else, forced to watch her arms lovingly wrap around their neck and smile with unshed tears as they pulled apart.  

She felt nauseous and lightheaded. She shouldn't be there, she had no business there. Then suddenly, Victoria did look at her, but her face was emotionless. The love in her beautiful eyes was gone, replaced with a coldness that made Natasha shiver. Everyone else faded away and it was just Victoria and Natasha, a few feet away from each other, staring at the other in silence.  

"Goodbye, Romanoff." Then, there was suddenly a black hole that threatened to suck Victoria right through, and finally, Natasha could move but it was too late, and her love was already gone. 

"No!" her scream echoed in the dark. 

"Nat?" She heard her name being called but she was stuck in the darkness, cold and alone as she was meant to be. "Nat, can you hear me?"  

She blinked and could feel the engine of the quinjet underneath her, but she could only see Victoria's face void of emotion as she looked at Natasha. She felt a hand on her side and turned to see Clint looking at her with concern. Images of the Red Room and Victoria faded away like a bad dream and she could finally see her surroundings, which was Clint's farmhouse. 

She leaned on him as he helped her across the field and up the steps of the porch. The others seemed to be in the same condition as her and she didn't even want to think of what happened in that shipyard. The comforting scent of Laura's cooking filled the house as they walked in, and Clint finally released her to greet his wife.  

Natasha still felt groggy and uncertain whether this was real but when she heard Lila asking for her, she didn't care if it was all a dream or not. "Did you bring Auntie Nat?"  

"Why don't you hug her and find out?" She let herself smile easily then as she scooped up the young girl, hugging her close and inhaling her scent to make sure she was in fact real.  

Little, but familiar arms, squeezing her tight was all the confirmation she needed to know that her nightmare was finally over. She walked over to where the rest of the family stood, putting Lila back down so she could hug Cooper next. He grew so much since the last time she saw him almost reaching her shoulder when she wrapped him up in her arms.  

She let him go and turned to Laura who was watching her with a soft smile. "I missed you," Natasha quietly confessed and carefully placed her hands on her pregnant belly. "How's little Natasha huh?" She couldn't help the wide smile that overtook her face, thinking of the little one coming soon. 

"She's...Nathaniel." Natasha's smile dropped and she looked down at the baby that betrayed her.  

Leaning down, so he could hear her very clearly, she whispered, "Traitor." 

Laura laughed lightly and Natasha couldn't stay upset for long, smiling up at the woman she saw as a sister. She stood back up, reaching for her arms just to remind herself that this was real, and she ignored the concern in Laura's eyes.  

Thor walked past, storming out the front door followed by Steve, but Natasha paid them no mind. She was tired and had other things to worry about than whatever the boys had going on. She looked at Laura again, hugging her with no warning just to once again remind herself that she was safe and everything around her was real. There was no hesitancy in the arms that wrapped around her and began rubbing her back soothingly. Natasha almost melted against the older woman but pulled away before she could let herself be completely vulnerable. Laura gave a sympathetic smile but didn't say anything. 

She had no idea when everyone else left the living room, but it was just her with Laura and the kids. She could see the silent question in the older woman's eyes but looked away, focusing on the little girl demanding her attention. She snuggled Lila close, listening as she talked about what she had been up to since the last time she saw the redhead. 

Eventually, she could feel the dirt and grime clinging to her skin and desperately needed a shower. Laura was no longer anywhere to be found, nor was Cooper, and Natasha instructed Lila to find her brother so she could take a shower. Once left alone, she simply took a moment to breathe. She was safe, she reminded herself, in the living room of Clint's farmhouse where no harm could possibly come to her or anyone else.  

Her suit sticking to her skin reminded her of the shower she needed, and she pulled herself together before heading upstairs. She paused, hand on the railing when she thought she heard ballet music. Her heart pounded, the sound reaching her ears in a deafening echo before it faded away as if it never happened. She exhaled slowly and resumed her ascent only to find out the shower was already running. 

~•~ 

Natasha couldn't believe this was how she was going to die; at the hands of a murderous robot. After a cold shower and a tense dinner with a surprise visit from Fury, they discovered where Ultron would most likely be. Everything was going to plan until she got whisked away midair along with the cradle, and she woke at the mercy of the robot. She still felt disoriented, and her side badly hurt, but she tried her hardest to stay alert, years of training kicking in. It was dark and moist but the little light that was there came from Ultron drones working on something. 

"I wasn't sure you'd wake up," she heard a deep robotic voice say. Directly in front of her was Ultron working as it continued, "I hoped you would. I wanted to show you." 

Its red eyes were on her, somehow portraying sadness. She still couldn't wrap her mind around a robot having its own thoughts and feelings, let alone visibly showing them. 

"I don't have anyone else," it mumbled. Natasha sat up as best she could with her stiff muscles, groaning and resting her weight on one arm. "I think a lot about meteors. The purity in them." 

Ultron was making no sense, or maybe she had a concussion. Her head throbbed and she wasn't sure if she was dreaming or not although the pain told her she most likely wasn't.  

"Boom! The end," Ultron went on. "Start again." 

Natasha tried to concentrate, sitting up even further and even backing away a little. Ultron was already terrifying enough without being trapped with hundreds of them and the things it was saying were sounding worse than just the Avengers extinction. 

"The world made clean for the new man to build." Ultron suddenly turned to her with its full attention. "I was meant to be new." It looked up as if dreaming as it continued, "I was meant to be beautiful. The world would have looked to the sky and seen hope, seen mercy." 

Its eyes were on Natasha again and she only stared at the robot in disbelief. She was going to kill Bruce and Tony the next chance she got. The faraway look it had was gone replaced with anger as it glared at her as if she was the reason behind its problems.  

"Instead, they'll look up in horror, because of you."  

When Ultron began walking toward her, she didn't move as quickly as she would have liked. Her body seemed frozen in shock, and she could only look up and stare with her mouth agape. She tried to will herself to move or anything really but her body was betraying her. 

"You've wounded me. I give you full marks for that. But like the man said, what doesn't kill me..." 

When the head of Ultron suddenly was crushed, sparks going everywhere, she thought for a moment she was being saved. Then the entire body was torn in half with a second Ultron coming into view. She gasped, finally able to move and she shuffled backwards trying to get away as best she could with her aching body.  

"Just makes me stronger," Ultron finished. She was panting, unsure of what the robot would do but all it did was close the cell she managed to get herself into.  

She couldn't even be upset at being locked up because that meant she was at least safe from the robot itself. She was still breathing heavily, the adrenaline not yet leaving her body and she stared at the cell still trying to wrap her head around everything. When her breathing finally calmed, her instincts kicked in.  

The first thing she needed to do was get into contact with someone, and by someone that meant Clint because she knew he would be looking for her as well. Without Ultron focused on her, she was able to fully look around at her surroundings. Now that she was able to think clearly, she realized she was in the Hydra base they invaded in Sokovia.  

She took a deep breath and searched her cell for anything useful to make a small radio and send a signal of her location. It was just her luck that there were loads of useful technology around her and she got to work immediately. It was easy to take apart the unused devices that were left in the cell and after thirty minutes, Natasha was sending a signal that she was confident Clint was receiving. Sending a signal was the easy part, it was the waiting that was hard. It felt like days sitting in that cell with a splitting headache and sore muscles. There was no comfort whatsoever as she sat on the hard ground, trying not to fall asleep. It was a struggle but watching Ultron work helped keep her awake until all the drones seemed to leave at once. 

She knew it meant nothing good, and as time went on, the silence echoing around her, the waiting became all the more difficult. She needed all the strength and energy she had for the fight ahead so all she could do was sit and wait. When she heard her name being called, she was sure she imagined it. It sounded like Victoria and Natasha feared that she had hit her head harder than she thought and was starting to hallucinate.  

"Natasha!" she heard again but this time it was Bruce's voice. 

She jumped up, calling out for him so he could follow her voice. When she saw him, she felt a little bit of the tension leaking from her body. "You all right?" 

She got as close as she could with the cell blocking them and whispered, "Yeah." 

"The team is in the city. It's about to light up." 

"I don't suppose you found a key lying around somewhere." She looked around as if she could find it herself.  

Bruce began to back up and she turned to him again. "Yeah," he breathed holding up one of Hydra's weapons. "I did." 

She took cover behind a wall and the next moment he took the shot, blasting the lock. She wasted no time opening the door and letting herself out. "So, what's our play?" 

"I'm here to get you to safety," he replied. He didn't say it and it was obvious he was trying to hide it, but he was worried. About her.  

It was sweet, but all Natasha could think about was Victoria and the absolute terror in her eyes the first time she brought Bruce back from the Hulk. She had someone to worry and fuss over her and what did she do? She pushed her away and led Bruce on which was why he was worried about her now.  

"Job's not finished," she said in reply.  

"We could help with the evacuation," he started, his face shifting from worry to discomfort. "But I can't be in a fight near civilians."  

Running away from the fight. Of course, what else could she have expected from him? That was what she convinced herself she liked about him after all. He stepped closer to her, similar to the way she did to him at Clint's house.  

"You've done plenty. Our fight is over," he assured her as if that was all she needed to hear to give up. Natasha was tired, exhausted really, but couldn't leave without ensuring Ultron was gone.  

She knew she couldn't leave with him, not yet. Or ever. Bruce was kind and he was sweet. He was safe but she didn't want safe. She didn't crave safety, she wanted to feel her heart race like it was trying to beat out of her chest. She wanted that feeling in her stomach she got whenever the one she loved was near. She wanted security in knowing the person she loved, loved her back just as much. She wanted Victoria, and the only way to get Victoria back was through Tony.  

She had to stay, she had to fight Ultron and defeat the robot, and she had to be honest with herself. She did care, she did more than care. She loved Victoria with all that she was. She wanted to do better and be better for her, she wanted to be the person Victoria deserved.  

She looked at Bruce who was looking at her expectantly. "So we just disappear?" she whispered.  

He smiled and it almost reminded her of Victoria's smile when Natasha did something to cause it. Those were her favorite smiles but seeing Bruce smile at her like that just made her feel guilty and ashamed. He nodded shyly and she swallowed thickly.  

"Okay." She nodded and followed him out trying to come up with a plan to get the Hulk out.  

Suddenly the ground began shaking and falling apart which only made Bruce speed up. He ran with purpose and the guilt only built as she realized what she had to do. The foundation was rocky and unstable, it was only a matter of time before they came across a sink hole. As soon as she thought it, the ground shook again and a couple feet away, a hole a few feet from them fell through.  

This was her chance so she grabbed Bruce's arm to slow him down. He turned around with wide eyes. "We gotta move." 

"You're not gonna turn green?"   

He smiled softly shaking his head. "I got a very compelling reason not to lose my cool." She smiled through her guilt only hesitating a second before she went through with her plan.  

"I adore you."  

She didn't give him a chance to respond as she wrapped a hand behind his head to pull him close to her and stole a hard kiss. When she felt him relax against her, she gathered all her remaining strength and pushed him as hard as she could into the hole behind them.  

"But I need the other guy," she said to herself before wiping her lips. She heard a low growl that got louder as Hulk jumped back up. He landed in front of her with a smirk and she smiled back at him. "Let's finish the job. Think you can give me a lift?" 

He didn't give her an answer, instead grabbing her with one hand and throwing her on his back. She screamed in surprise and then in fear as she was suddenly being thrashed around with only a second to get a good grip so she didn't fall. Hulk wasted no time getting them out of there and upwards where the city was getting higher and higher. When he finally landed in the woods, she lost her grip and went flying further away, just barely catching herself after rolling around a few times. When she was back on her two feet, she took a moment to catch her breath and rub her side that was sore again from hitting something.  

"I really hope this makes us even," she panted out. He only grunted in response, and she smiled. "Now go be a hero." 

Everything after that seemed to be going well. She wasn't getting her ass kicked by robots although the few hits they got in hurt like hell. She pushed through though, knowing that lives were at stake if she didn't. Pain only makes you stronger. She was out of breath and her movements were starting to get sloppy, but she didn't allow herself to stop until there were no more in sight.  

They finally got a moment to catch their breath, but the news Tony gave them wasn't anything good. Either everyone up there died or everyone below. It was an obvious choice, although it still sucked. Steve was in denial as always, trying to save everybody even when it was impossible. She took a breath and looked out below.  

She was filled with regret for everything she didn't do and wouldn't be able to do. She couldn't even find a valid reason for her fear of loving Victoria. She wasn't in the Red Room anymore, they had no control over her so why did she let them? She wasted years, and now she would never get the chance to admit her feelings. Her eyes burned with unshed tears although if anyone asked, she would say it was from the wind now harshly blowing from them being so high up.  

As she began to accept her fate, remembering all the times she held Victoria near, she heard Fury's voice through her earpiece. It was static at first and then crystal clear before a helicarrier appeared to transport people from the city onto it. Hope filled Natasha when she realized she might get the chance to see Victoria again after all. At that moment, she vowed to never hold back again. The next time she saw her, she would let it all out and make Victoria hers like she should have done a long time ago. 

~•~ 

It was the moment Natasha had been waiting for, it had been so long since she saw her, and she looked just as beautiful as the day she met her. The sun shone on her wonderfully, creating a halo around her making her look godly. Victoria was just a few feet away from her, she was in reach and Natasha ran to her like her life depended on it, which if she were being honest, it really did. When she wrapped her arms around her and inhaled her caramel scent, it felt like everything shifted back into place.  

"I love you," Natasha whispered into her neck. 

She felt Victoria's shoulders shake and pulled back to see her laughing. "I love you more, Romanoff." 

Natasha smiled, "I'm sorry I waited so long." 

Victoria shook her head, her light curls bouncing with the movement. "It's okay. Just hold me, okay?" 

She nodded in response and leaned in to finally kiss her but suddenly there was no one there. The warmth of her body was gone, and she continued falling forward until she landed on a hard mattress. She opened her eyes to a familiar room and looked around in horror. 

"Ah, Romanova," a deep Russian accent called out.  

Her eyes slowly crawled toward the voice, not wanting to believe it was who she thought it to be. Unfortunately, her ears did not deceive her, and she was met with a sickly grin that always made her skin crawl. He stepped further into the light and sat on her bed that she now found herself handcuffed to. A big greasy palm reached out and stroked her hair. 

"How was your nap? I hope you had fun while you were gone." She frowned and tried to move her face away, but his big meaty hands gripped her jaw firmly. "You didn't think you would get away that easy, did you?" 

His accent was thicker than she remembered, and he smelled like blood. She wrinkled her nose and squirmed, but the handcuff stopped her from getting far. He returned to rubbing her hair as he looked down at her with a disgusting smile. 

"Ahh," he sighed. "Little Natalia. All grown up now." She could not only feel her rapid heartbeat but hear it too as the sound pounded against her skull. She was terrified and couldn't move, helpless and at Dreykov's mercy.  

Natasha sat up with a gasp, clutching her chest as she panted heavily. She looked around the dark room to ensure she was alone and when she recognized it as her own, she finally felt her heart calm down. Her body was still tense, and she had no plans of going back to sleep so after a few more deep breaths she threw the covers off of her and pulled on the sweats she kept in the chair by her bed.  

After five months of the same thing, it had become routine, and she didn't think twice about going down to the kitchen for a cup of tea before heading to Tony's lab. Just like she knew to expect, he was steadily working on something, his glasses perched on his nose and a cup of coffee beside him.  

"Romanoff," he acknowledged her without looking away from his project. He was still stiff with her although he wasn't as cold and snarky as before.  

"Stark," she replied. "Any progress?" 

He sighed heavily, finally looking away from his station, taking his glasses off and dragging his hand down his face. His head shook and she sat down in what she deemed her spot. They sat in silence for a moment as she took a sip of her hot tea, and he chugged the last of his coffee.  

"I just don't understand it," he mumbled. He placed the glasses back on and glanced at her for a moment before turning back to whatever he was working on.  

"Don't understand what?" she asked when he didn't continue.  

"How a flower created a portal. That's...that's not..." He sighed unable to finish his sentence.  

Natasha took another sip of her tea. They have had many nights like this, sitting and talking in the middle of the night while everyone else slept. Ever since the events of Ultron and the memories of the Red Room being dragged back up, Natasha had not had a single good night's rest.  

After the first week of continuously waking up from a nightmare, she decided to just train in the gym late at night but when she passed the lab, she noticed Tony inside working. He didn't acknowledge her at first and she didn't make him, just sat and watched him work until the new day started, and she went with Steve to train the new recruits. The next night was the same and eventually it just became routine.  

"Everything I do to try to recreate it doesn't work," he sighed.  

Natasha hummed. She wished she knew more to be more helpful but that just wasn't in her area of expertise. It wasn't really Tony's either, but he has been researching nonstop to teach himself all he could about portals and anything else that could possibly help him. She wondered if Bruce were here, if he would be any help at all, but he was off world and there's no telling where he could be. She gave up looking after that first week.  

"What are you thinking about over there?" Tony asked, bringing her back to the present.  

She only sighed in response. "Do you think we'll ever find her?" 

He looked at her and his gaze was unreadable, or maybe she didn't want to think of what he thought of her. "I won't stop until I do." 

She gripped her mug tighter in her hands, the warmth from the cup warming her hands. "I've been dreaming of her," she barely whispered.  

Saying it out loud made it actually feel real and once again, Victoria's absence set in. "I don't need to hear your sex fantasies." 

"Not like that!" He chuckled in response, and she sighed when she realized he was messing with her. "Asshole," she muttered, ignoring the warmth creeping up her neck.  

They fell back into silence, and she sipped her tea while he went back to work. It seemed like tonight he was working on the device that caught on fire the night of his party. All of that seemed like forever ago although they were still dealing with the repercussions of Sokovia. Since then, he had tried fixing it four more times and they were all failures. He also wouldn't tell anyone what it was so all she could do was watch as he kept getting more and more frustrated as time went on with no progress. 

"I dream about her too sometimes," Tony said, breaking the silence.  

Natasha raised a brow. "When do you find time to sleep, let alone dream?" 

He shrugged but the unspoken words were there, the thing they would never admit to the other. They missed Victoria, deeply. That was something they had in common, and it was the only thing stopping them from lashing out at each other.  

~~~ 

Some months ago...  

It had been a month since Natasha started joining Tony in the lab where he worked tirelessly to find a way to find Victoria. They barely said two words to each other since the fight with Ultron and they never acknowledged these nights, but she was beginning to find comfort in them, especially after a nightmare of the Red Room.  

"Are you going to be here every night from now on?" Tony randomly asked one night when she came back in with some tea.  

"What?" she asked dumbly. "I... I don't know. I guess so." She hesitantly sat down across from him, he never took his eyes off his screen, but his disdain was clear as day.  

"Why?" 

"Why shouldn't I?"  

"You don't have anything better to do? Like look for Banner?" Her jaw clenched and she didn't respond. "You know all I'm doing is looking for Vic, so why are you here?" 

"Believe it or not, but you aren't the only one who cared about her and wants her back," she finally snapped.  

He scoffed and that only made her angry. "You want her back," he said more to himself than her, but she heard it. "Why? So you can just fuck her whenever you want and leave again?" 

Natasha froze, unable to even respond. She didn't think anyone else knew about the relationship she had with Victoria, and she wanted to correct him. But when she thought about it, really thought about it, he was right. That was what she did although she didn't mean to. She was trying to protect herself, protect her fragile heart, although to Victoria it probably did seem like she was using her, and she felt even worse now. Now she was God knew where, probably thinking that Natasha didn’t care for her. 

"Didn't think I'd know about that?" Tony continued. "She may have been your fuck toy, but she was my best friend."  

"I—She was not my fuck toy!" she denied before her mind processed his words. "Best friend?" It finally made sense why Tony was so distraught, she didn't know they were that close.  

"She was—is family to me. I was there every time you left after getting off and she cried to me asking why she was never enough. Do you know what that was like?" His voice cracked and there was a lump in Natasha's throat, threatening to choke her up.  

"I... I didn't—" 

"You did!" His voice raised, and sudden tears flew from his eyes instantly. Soon he was sobbing, and that was when the dam broke for Natasha. 

"I'm sorry! I didn't," she hiccupped. "I love her! I was scared, okay!? I didn't mean to hurt her." She wanted to plead with him to believe her, to believe that she didn't intentionally mean to cause the woman she loved most so much pain.  

He didn't say anything, instead he tried to get himself together, turning away from her and harshly scrubbing at his face. When he finally turned back around, his breathing was shaky, and his eyes were turning red as he irritated them from wiping so hard. It was easier for Natasha to pull herself together, years of training instilled in her. She quickly wiped underneath her eyes and sniffled once before taking a deep breath.  

Tony's lip trembled a moment before it stopped and he said, "It doesn't matter what you didn't mean to do. You did it." 

"I'm sorry," she whispered.  

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to." 

She nodded and gripped the mug that held her tea. It was not as hot as before but still warm and she took comfort in it. "I'm going to apologize to her. I'm going to tell her everything. I... I don't want to be afraid of love anymore." 

She stared intently into his eyes hoping she could show her sincerity through their gaze, but his face was still cold. He relaxed slightly though and nodded, which brought her a sliver of relief. They came to a silent agreement of sorts after that. They were the furthest from friends, but he didn't attack her anymore. 

~~~ 

"Romanoff." Natasha looked up hearing her name and saw Steve in the doorway of the lab. She frowned, a little confused until she noticed the light outside. "Thought I'd find you here," Steve said with a boyish grin.  

"Hey," she said as her mind processed everything. She didn't remember the rest of her night with Tony and a glance around showed the man nowhere in sight.  

"It's almost time for training. Who do you want today?" 

"Uh..." She tried to recall yesterday and what they worked on, but she was coming up blank. "Sam and Rhodey," she eventually answered with a shrug, figuring she could ask them what they remembered from the day before. Steve frowned and then tried to cover it, but it was too late, and Natasha noticed. "What?" 

He smiled awkwardly and shook his head. "Nothing. I'll see you in ten." 

He left the lab without another word and Natasha grabbed her now cold mug of tea to take to the kitchen. She dumped the remaining tea out and left the mug to deal with later. As she turned to leave, she abruptly stopped to prevent running into someone. 

"Sorry," a soft voice murmured. Natasha finally recognized the person as Wanda who walked around her to the refrigerator for a water bottle. 

Natasha couldn't explain the uneasy feeling she got as she watched the young woman, but she tried her best to ignore it. It was hard when her heart sped just a little faster and the room felt warmer. Wanda froze when she turned back around and noticed Natasha watching her. That broke the redhead out of her stupor and she gave a curt nod before rushing out and hurrying toward the training room as fast as she could walk.  

When she made it there, Rhodey and Sam were talking, more like debating which had become common between them. Steve stood with Vision talking about something that seemed serious based on the crease in Steve's eyebrows. His face always got uptight whenever discussing important matters.  

Steve glanced toward her as she passed him and acknowledged her with a quick nod before turning back to Vision. She followed her path toward the two she would be training today, and they finally noticed her when she was just a few feet away. Rhodey nodded and Sam grinned. She gave a polite smile to both and did what she said she would; asked them what they remembered from yesterday. 

Since both of them were in the army, training with them was always easy and since both of their suits mainly focused on flight, there wasn't much for Natasha to teach them, so they mostly sparred and did team exercises. As they were about to get started for the day, Wanda walked in avoiding everyone's gaze. 

"Hey Wanda, you're with me again today," Steve's voice echoed through the room.  

"Hey Nat?" Sam got her attention. She hummed in acknowledgment as she began to stretch gesturing for them to copy her. "Why don't you ever train Wanda?" 

"What are you talking about?" 

"I mean don't get me wrong, I like training with you." Natasha ignored the undertone of his words. "But in the last...how long has it been, 5 months?" He looked at Rhodey for confirmation who nodded and continued stretching. "Yeah, for the last 5 months we've been training, I've never seen you train with Wanda. Why is that?" 

She didn't answer right away, instead choosing to continue her current stretch as she gathered her thoughts. Wanda made her...uneasy although Natasha couldn't really pinpoint a reason why. She's had nightmares every night for months now and missed Victoria more than ever but that wasn't...it wasn't Wanda's fault. Not really. 

When she stood back up, she snuck a glance in Wanda's direction where she was getting ready to spar with Steve as Vision talked to her. She looked uncomfortable but determined and Natasha was left with that unsettling feeling in her stomach. Turning back to Sam, she shrugged. 

"It's not something I noticed." 

Sam accepted that answer but for the rest of the day, it stayed on her mind. During and even after training was over, it was on her mind, and she wondered why the young brunette gave her such a bad feeling. In trying to convince herself that there was no problem at all, she made an impulse decision. 

Taking a deep breath, she gave three firm knocks on the younger woman's door. She immediately regretted it when she did, but it was too late, and she steeled her face of any hesitancy or doubt. She heard movement on the other side and took one more deep breath. The door opened and a freshly showered Wanda opened the door.  

She was surprised; it was clear on her face since she couldn't hide her facial expressions like the redhead. Natasha's instincts kicked in without her permission as she assessed Wanda to determine if she was a threat or not. She wasn't but for some reason the redhead still felt tense. 

"Hi," Wanda whispered, then cleared her throat. "Is something wrong?" She frowned and brought the towel she was using to dry her hair down to her side.  

Natasha cleared her own throat before responding, "No. Get dressed, you're coming with me." 

Green eyes widened but she eventually nodded. However, she still stood in front of the door, looking exactly her age and Natasha held in a sigh. Instead, she gave a pointed look to communicate that she meant now. Wanda finally moved, slowly closing the door as if waiting for Natasha to change her mind. When the door was fully closed, Natasha released a breath she didn't know she was holding.  

Natasha sighed to herself, wishing Victoria were here. It wasn't that she thought she could be better than Natasha with this, Victoria was just as closed off as her, if not more. Even so, people still seemed to gravitate toward her. Natasha sure did. Wanda probably would have taken to Victoria just like everyone else. Maybe she could have even stopped Pietro's death.  

The door swung open, and a flustered brunette was directly in front of her. Natasha took a discreet step back as green eyes met her own. After a moment of awkwardness, she analyzed the outfit she had on. She wore a sweater over a grey dress with black tights and boots that came up to her knees. It was interesting, and something she could work with. She nodded to herself and gestured for Wanda to follow her as she headed to the garage.  

Wanda was silent and fidgeted with the rings on her fingers whenever she thought Natasha wasn't paying her any attention. It seemed she was just as uncomfortable around Natasha as Natasha was with her. It was silent as they got into the car and not even the radio could distract from the awkward tension between them. She ignored it as best she could, intent on following through with her plan. 

She pulled into a mall parking lot almost forty minutes later, and she pretended not to notice Wanda's curiosity. When she parked and cut the engine, she glanced at the younger woman. She was picking the ends of her dress as she stared out the window.  

"Come on," Natasha said before getting out of the car.  

She waited until she heard Wanda's door close to lock the car and headed inside without a word. Natasha glanced around, a little uneasy remembering what happened the last time she was in a mall. She felt Wanda's presence, not quite next to her, instead just behind like a child following their parent.  

"Ya hungry?" Natasha asked as she led them toward the food court.  

"Not really," came the soft reply.  

"You already ate?"  

There was no immediate reply and a quick look over her shoulder showed Wanda twisting her lip to the side. Natasha didn't say anything, just hummed before standing in line at the corn dog stand. They stood in more awkward silence except for the loud chatter around them.  

When it was finally their turn, Natasha smiled at the young cashier who was obviously not excited to be there. He didn't greet them, just stared as he waited for one of them to start their order. She ordered for them both, assuming Wanda wouldn't have known what to get anyway and they stood off to the side as they waited for their name to be called.  

"Look at me," Natasha said lowly. She waited for green eyes to meet her own before continuing, "What have you noticed so far?" 

A confused frown overtook Wanda's face as she looked at Natasha. Her mouth opened to reply but nothing came out and she turned to look around, but Natasha told her not to.  

"We've been here for..." Natasha looked at the time on her watch. "13 minutes. What have you noticed? Steve has been training you to be aware of your surroundings, right?" 

"He—sort of. He talked about it a little, but we never did something like...this." Her accent was thick, something Natasha never really took notice of before.  

"Okay. Well in the...14 minutes we've been here, I observed a family with unhappy parents. Whether they hate each other, or their kids is unknown. The security guards they have are new except for the one older guy. Our cashier got his haircut in this mall on his break and isn't happy with the results—" 

"—How do you know that?" 

Before Natasha could answer, their order was ready. She told Wanda to get them a table while she got their food. She carried the sodas and two corn dogs to the table Wanda got after an older couple left. Placing Wanda's food in front of her, she took the seat across from her.  

"Eat up," Natasha said as she dipped her corn dog in some mustard. Wanda copied her movements and looked at the corn dog curiously before taking a small bite. Natasha waited for her to finish chewing before asking, "What do you think?" 

She shrugged in response, wrinkling her nose at it before setting it down. "It's not that good," she admitted.  

Natasha laughed lightly but nodded in agreement. "Yeah, they're awful." Wanda looked up bewildered and the redhead would never admit that she looked adorable in that moment.  

"Then why—" 

"—To fit in," she answered before she could finish asking her question. "Now...someone here has a bomb they plan to set off, killing everyone in this mall." Wanda's eyes widened. "Who has it?" 

"What?" 

"Look around. Who has it?" Wanda stared at her, mouth agape and Natasha raised a brow. She finally looked around not all inconspicuously. "Don't be so obvious," Natasha muttered before taking another bite of her corn dog.  

Wanda glared at her for a moment before she took her lead, biting into her corndog and looking around as she chewed. "What kind of training is this?" 

Natasha smiled to herself as she hummed. "The kind that you never forget." 

She watched as the young brunette bit her bottom lip when she was finished chewing and her eyes frantically scanned the crowd. There were more than 200 people around them, half of them walking past to whatever store caught their attention.  

"You're being obvious again," Natasha pointed out. She grabbed her drink and took a small sip. Wanda did the same. "Are you just copying me?" 

She looked sheepish when called out and gave a small shrug. She took another bite of the corn dog and couldn't hide the distaste from her face but looked in the other direction for the culprit. Natasha rested her elbows on the table as she leaned forward and put her face in her palm.  

"Who have you eliminated?"  

"I don't—" Wanda's words fell off when she faced Natasha again. She swallowed before she continued, "Know." 

"Really? Not even the young couple sharing a basket of fries?" A frown appeared again, and she looked around for the couple. "You'll have to learn to blend in when undercover. You look like a cop." 

"I take offense to that," Wanda muttered without looking at her.  

"Good." 

After some time, their corn dogs were finished and Wanda still hadn't found their bomber, not that Natasha expected her to. She took their trash to the garbage can to throw it out and returned to Wanda with her face in her hands.  

"Still haven't figured it out?" she asked as she retook her seat.  

Wanda looked up, frustrated and anxious. "Is there really someone here with a bomb?" she whispered.  

"Yep. And you have..." Natasha looked at her watch and nodded. "31 minutes to figure it out." 

"Why 31 minutes?" 

"That's when it goes off." Wanda's eyes widened. They seemed to be doing that a lot today.  

"How do you know that?" she hissed.  

"Stark tech." Wanda couldn't hide the displeasure on her face. "Come on, you're wasting time." 

Wanda huffed but glanced around as she drank the remainder of her drink. When there was nothing left to drink, she resorted to biting the straw. Natasha simply watched her. She would need a lot more training in this area and obviously Steve wasn't the best person to do that.  

"Him," Wanda said. Natasha following her line of sight. "In the grey hoodie bouncing his leg. He's nervous so it's him, right?"  

Natasha hummed, "No."  

"This is ridiculous! Are you going to let everyone die if I don't figure it out?"  

A singular brow rose as Natasha regarded the young woman in front of her. "Would it help you if I said yes?" 

Wanda could only stare, mouth agape before she sputtered out, "No!"  

"Hmm," she hummed. She shrugged slightly as she looked around. She quickly glanced at her target before throwing Wanda off track by looking at a random man sitting alone. "No. If you don't find them in time, I'll disable it." 

Just as she suspected, Wanda was trying to find where her gaze went. She shook her head; she definitely had a lot to learn. After two minutes, Wanda pointed out the man that was sitting alone. Natasha smiled at her predictability, and Wanda relaxed as her own smile appeared. 

"No." That smile dropped. "People will try to throw you off with nonverbal cues so you can't always trust them." 

Wanda only sighed and began to twist the rings on her fingers. "I... I don't know what I'm looking for." 

"Of course not. The bomber can be anyone. That's why you find who it isn't. That narrows down your search."  

"Do you make everyone do this?" Wanda grumbled scanning the crowd again. 

A small lump began to form in Natasha's throat when she remembered the last time she did something similar. It was years ago, after she met Victoria and before they began sleeping together. Natasha had just returned from a recon mission when Coulson informed her that she would be working with Victoria for the next three months.  

They were too different in looks to go undercover as relatives, so they agreed to pretend to be best friends on a girls trip to Montreal. They had two weeks to prepare, and Natasha wanted to test her abilities. Being almost bulletproof was useful but she wanted to know if she could stay calm under pressure.  

However, Natasha severely underestimated Victoria and was highly impressed when she took the lead without any instruction. Natasha had never seen anything like her skill since leaving the KGB. She recognized the threats before Natasha pointed out that they were any threats there at all, and took them down without them even knowing they were in danger talking to Victoria. Natasha was in awe and that was the first time she saw Victoria as more than a coworker.  

Natasha brought herself back to the present and answered Wanda with a stiff, "No." 

"How is this going to help me? I have powers."  

"Powers you can't control, yes I'm aware." Natasha rolled her eyes. "You're not always going to be in a situation where you can use them. Having more than one skill is beneficial to you and the team."  

"Whatever," Wanda muttered childishly.  

All of her pouting seemed to disappear, and she looked far older than her age in a moment. Natasha followed her line of sight and kept her smile from showing. She sighed as if disappointed and grabbed her soda that was mostly watered down by now and pretended to drink from it.  

"That couple," Wanda started. Natasha hummed, waiting for her to continue. "They were sitting here at first." 

"Were they?" Natasha asked. 

Wanda paused and narrowed her eyes at her. "Yes," she said slowly. "They had just finished eating and let me take this table." 

"So?" 

"So..." She turned to study them again and Natasha felt strangely proud. "So, if they already ate, why are they sitting at a different table with more food?"  

"That's a good question."  

Wanda was quiet and Natasha let her gather her thoughts. "They don't have the bomb," she concluded, and this time Natasha let her smile show.  

"No?" she asked coyly.  

"No." Wanda shook her head and finally looked at her, a bright smile on her face. "It's the little girl sitting with them." 

"Wow. I'm actually impressed." She glanced at her watch. "And with 12 minutes to spare." 

"Really?" Wanda breathed. "So, what now?"  

"Now, we get close enough to disable it with this." She pulled the watch she was wearing off her wrist and held it out for her to see.  

Wanda frowned. "Your watch?"  

"It's not an actual watch, Stark made it for this reason." She stood and gestured for Wanda to do the same. She led them to the table the older 'couple' and little girl were sitting, muttering, "Follow my lead."  

She reached them and the couple noticed them first. She immediately clicked the button on the watch that would start the process of disarming the bomb as she smiled at the two looking at her and Wanda wearily. Wanda for her part, didn't give them away and simply stood next to Natasha albeit a little awkwardly.  

"Can we help you?" the old man asked gruffly.  

"Yes, sorry to bother you. We're on a family trip and wanted to know somewhere around here we could go that's kid friendly but also fun for adults."  

The man looked at the woman, seemingly having a silent conversation. The little girl, having finally noticed their presence, looked up at them with big brown, round eyes. One glance at her showed that she had no idea what was going on and was simply being used as a pawn for whatever game these people were playing.  

"Where the rest of ya family?" the woman asked with an accent Natasha couldn't quite place. 

"Sleeping at the hotel," she replied. "We slept on the plane, so we decided to visit the mall." 

The elderly woman began to stare at Natasha just a little longer and she realized they were close to being found out, but the bomb still wasn't disarmed. She smiled and looked to the side where the little girl was still staring, hoping her hair would block her face a little.  

"You're adorable," she said to the little girl. "Is this your granddaughter?" 

"Yeah," the man said. "We don't know any places like you're askin' for."  

Natasha nodded with a feigned frown. "That's a shame." She looked at the little girl again, assessing her.  

She knew she wasn't American and didn't speak any English which was why she had no reaction to their conversation, but she was having trouble identifying her ethnicity. She needed to get the little girl to safety before anything else, and they only had about a minute and a half before the bomb was disarmed.  

"We'd want to finish eatin' in peace, if that's okay with you," the woman snidely dismissed them.  

"Just one more question?" Natasha asked sweetly. She was suddenly thankful for Americans' nosiness because there was no suspicion when she outright asked, "What is your granddaughter's ethnicity? I have been trying to figure it out and I just can't." She laughed lightly for extra measure and smiled a little too widely at the elderly couple.  

The woman rolled her eyes and the man sighed as he gave a pointed look to the woman. "She's Sokovian," she gritted out.  

Natasha felt more than she saw Wanda tense beside her, and she hoped Wanda didn't jeopardize their mission when they were close. "Really?" Natasha gasped. " Do you speak Sokovian to her? " 

When they looked at her with no understanding, Natasha knew what she had to do. The little girl perked up and smiled at her. She smiled back as she crouched down, once again thankful for Americans' disregard for personal boundaries when it came to strangers.  

"Do you know these people?" The little girl looked at her with her big brown eyes and shook her head.  

"Hey! The hell you saying to her?" the man asked, the agitation clear in his voice.  

Ignoring him, Natasha focused on the girl. "We're going to help you okay?" She got a nod in response and the little girl's eyes shifted from her to the couple and back. Natasha glanced down at the watch and smiled. Looking at the girl again she instructed, "Go with my friend here, she's going to take you to a police officer, okay?"  

The little girl's eyes slid over to Wanda and the woman huffed, "Excuse me!" 

The girl began to stand up and Natasha looked at Wanda to nod her agreement to take the girl. "Who the hell do you think you..." 

The man's voice faded out when there was a loud clink coming from the bag the girl had on the table. Perfect timing , she thought. Now with the bomb deactivated, she pushed Wanda toward the girl while she caught the man's fist coming toward her.  

"You bitch!" He boomed, trying to take back his hand. Another fist came toward her, this time from the woman and with how quick they were moving, it was obvious they were not old at all. Natasha had no idea that SHIELD's Photostatic Veil was not limited to SHIELD. Then again, with everything that happened with Hydra, she shouldn't have been surprised.  

She took down the man easily enough with a swift kick to his groin and smashing his head down on the table. The woman however was more agile and obviously had a lot more fighting experience. "What did you do?" she hissed, reaching for the knife that was hidden on her waist.  

"Outsmarted you," Natasha quipped, dodging her attacks.  

The fight didn't last long when the woman was suddenly covered in red energy, the knife clattering to the ground. Natasha knocked her out for good measure and looked around. Her eyes caught Wanda's a few feet away and she gave a small nod in thanks. It was the first time Natasha didn't feel so uneasy when looking at the young girl.  

Everything after that was pretty routine, the police came and arrested the two who were swearing obscenities at them, and Natasha had to give a statement and sign some reports. The bomb squad came just for extra measure and took the now useless bomb with them. After that, they were free to go and were told to look out for a call from them in case they needed more answers.  

~•~ 

"You did a good job," Natasha said after a long car ride of silence back to the compound. 

She didn't get a response right away and when she put the car in park, she glanced to her right to see Wanda twirling the rings on her fingers. She looked so young in that moment, which Natasha had to admit she was. She was only 19 and had already lost so much. She had been so focused on her own problems that she didn't think about what she went through. 

"I'm sorry," Wanda eventually whispered. Natasha thought she misheard because she couldn't think of what Wanda would be apologizing for until she saw the guilt and shame on her face when she turned to look at her. "That day, I... I saw—" 

"—Right. It's..." It's not okay and Natasha refused to lie and pretend that it was, but she also didn't want to talk about it.  

It was silent again and Natasha didn't know what to say to fill it. She also didn't know why she wanted to. The car was off, she could just get out and pretend the conversation never happened. But she knew what Wanda saw, she had seen it every night again and again like torture for months. Even so, she couldn't help but find peace in them when she was wrapped up in strong arms and the scent of caramel surrounding her until she woke up cold and alone.  

Once again, Natasha found herself wondering what it would be like if Victoria were here. How her relationship with Wanda be, how their relationship would be. Would it still have been the same or would Natasha have decided to eventually tell her how she felt?  

A sigh fell from her lips. Thinking of the what ifs wasn't going to change anything. "It is what it is," she eventually said.  

She got out the car without another word, not bothering to wait for the brunette to get out so she could lock the door, simply letting her feet take her away from the feelings their conversation brought up. She didn't realize where she was going until loud crashing got her attention.  

She was almost at Tony's lab and there were more thuds and something smashing coming from inside. When she made it to the doorway, she saw Tony in the midst of a fit of rage, yelling curses and throwing monitors and large equipment around until it broke. She didn't know what happened between last night and now, but her stomach churned knowing it had to be about Victoria.  

"Stark?" she called cautiously.  

He didn't hear her or simply ignored her as he continued breaking things, resorting to kicking when everything was on the ground. The lab was a mess, wires and broken glass everywhere. "Fuck!" he shouted, dropping to the ground uncaring of the mess.  

His anger soon dissolved into despair and not for the first time, Natasha witnessed the man cry. Sob really, his hands over his face as he screamed, and his body shook with the effort. Glass shards sounded under her shoes as she walked toward him, hesitating only a moment before she crouched down, gently touching his shoulder.  

He jumped and stared at her with little recognition before covering his face again. "Go away," came a muffled and shaky demand.  

"Tony," she murmured. "This...you're..." 

"Fucking useless," he sighed dropping his hands. "It's been months. I've spent night after night trying to find a way to her and nothing ." 

The crying started again, not as extreme but forceful nonetheless and the only thing Natasha could think to do was wrap an arm around him as he sobbed. He didn't fight her but he didn't lean into her for comfort either, but his sobs continued, and it took a lot of effort for her not to let her own tears fall. She stayed like that for a long time, in an awkward and uncomfortable position holding Tony as he cried and cried, too anguished to care about his audience.  

"She always said she could see something more in your eyes." Natasha jumped away, startled. She hadn't noticed that he stopped crying or that they were still sat together, with her half hugging him. She hissed when her palms landed in glass, slicing her skin. "I always thought she was just seeing what she wanted to see." 

Pulling her stinging hands to her lap, she glanced at him. He wasn't looking at her, just simply staring at nothing looking like his mind was far away. She swallowed with the image of hazel eyes staring at her as if they could see past the mask she held firmly in place. She always felt vulnerable around Victoria, stripped of her walls and facades she carefully crafted over the years.  

"Sometimes...when it's just the two of us, I think I see what she did." Tony looked at her then and she tried not to shiver under his gaze.  

She held his stare, feeling open and vulnerable as he watched her in silence. It was difficult to accept his assessment and not fall into old habits, but she was trying to prove that she meant what she said about loving Victoria. Finally, after what felt like eternity, he looked away from her. He finally saw the state of the lab and sighed.  

"Shit," he muttered. Natasha agreed.  

They didn't speak about what happened or what Tony said later that night, or the next day, or the weeks that followed. Things weren't awkward and they didn't go back to being hostile, but it was different. She couldn't really explain it, but she knew they were closer than before. There was banter and teasing, and things understood only between them. It was...nice.  

She trained with Wanda more often, she went to Clint's farmhouse more since he decided he was retired, and she relaxed in ways she hadn't been able to for a long time. She had fewer nightmares until they only happened rarely, and things felt good. She still went to the lab but now it was to check on Tony and then his progress with finding Victoria. They weren't friends but they were something other than tolerant teammates and it was nice.  

It was getting colder as Fall ended and Winter started, the temperature dropping dramatically. Christmas decorations were being put up around the city and she felt good. She felt hopeful and she was excited to spend Christmas with Clint and his family. She was invited by Pepper to a New Year's party at the company and things were nice. She still missed Victoria with every fiber of her being, but she didn't let it stop her from living.  

"Your posture is wrong."  

Wanda huffed but tried to fix her stance. Her face was red and sweaty, and she had stray hairs flying from her ponytail. She didn't argue as much as Natasha expected and didn't complain even though she knew she wanted to, could see it in her eyes and the way her jaw tightened sometimes. But she was determined, and Natasha respected that.  

"Yeah, like that." She threw a punch, a soft one and one she knew Wanda could dodge and counterattack and was impressed when she moved flawlessly.  

She didn't do this type of training with Wanda often, she left that to Steve mostly, but lately Steve had been busy following a lead and had taken Sam with him. Rhodey didn't come by as often anymore as there was really no point. They spent 7 months training 4 times a week and it showed in their progress. There was no reason for such vigorous training anymore, especially with skilled vets, and with the three of them gone often, that just left her and Wanda most of the time.  

"Okay," Wanda panted putting her hands up in surrender. She took a few deep breaths before continuing, "I'm tired...I can't keep going."  

Natasha frowned in response but accepted it. She never had to tap out before, and Natasha found the clock on the wall. 2 hours had passed, and she didn't realize. "Sorry," she said hoarsely. She cleared her throat as best she could. "It's 3." 

Wanda's eyes widened and she turned around to look at the clock herself. "Oh," she breathed. She turned back around and gave Natasha a small smile.  

"Great job today."  

"Thanks!" Wanda smiled wider and awkwardly hovered around for a minute catching her breath. “This was...fun.” 

Natasha chuckled but nodded in agreement. “When Steve gets back, we can continue your powers training.” 

“Yeah, that’d be—Vision!” she gasped suddenly.  

Natasha turned seeing the humanoid now walking toward them with a shy smile. It was still taking her some time to get used to seeing Vision and associating him closer to human than robot. He was highly inteligent, but incredibly dense at times. Like a child, he had to be taught things like manners and etiquette, and to not walk through walls.  

“Hello,” he greeted them with a slight nod.  

Wanda sighed, “You can’t just enter rooms that way.” 

He tilted his head in confusion and Natasha shook her head. A child indeed. Wanda seemed to give up on the topic and asked what he needed. Natasha didn’t pay much attention to their conversation, instead choosing to find her water bottle. Soon, their hushed voices flowed out of the training room as they left and Natasha gulped down the rest of her water. 

When she was all alone, Natasha sighed to herself and looked at the clock again. Tony should be here by now, he seemed to come earlier and earlier the past few weeks. She went to her room for a quick shower and stopped by the kitchen for an energy bar and some coffee. When she made it to the lab, Tony was there like she expected, and she greeted him as usual. 

"Come look!" His eyes were brighter than normal, she noticed. He still looked like he didn't get enough sleep and was surviving on coffee alone, but his eyes were shining. 

She took a bite out of the energy bar as she walked over to him. He pressed something and a large blue hologram appeared taking over the space of the entire workstation. She didn't know what she was looking at, but he seemed pleased with it. There was a lot of math and a device that looked similar to the one that started a fire months ago. It finally clicked that he was showing her blueprints.  

"Is this..."  

"I've been going about it all wrong," he said. "I've been trying to find her with a flower. I was lost for months trying to figure out how a flower made a portal and how I could make it open another one. But I didn't actually need it." He was speaking rapidly, not really making much sense, but Natasha watched him with rapt attention.  

"So, you can find her?" she asked, holding her breath. 

"Yes." He hesitated and the light in his eyes dimmed a little. "Maybe. Well...I—Yes. I'm going to, I have to."  

"You just have to build this?" She pointed to the device now shown in multiple pieces on the hologram. It moved a little when she got close, and she turned it around to look at it. "Didn't you already build it?" 

"No. What I made was nothing like this. It was child's play really." She looked down at him to see him smiling widely at the hologram, eyes bright unlike she had seen since Victoria disappeared.  

She had more questions, like how long it would take for him to make it. She was going to ask just that before Steve suddenly entered, his face scrunched up in anger. "Romanoff," he said tersely. 

Tony closed the hologram and Steve glanced at him, his eyes looking uncertain for a moment. "What's wrong?" she asked.  

"That lead I've been following. It's Rumlow." Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. She thought he died. "He's been...searching for something. We can't figure out what it is but he's trying to draw us out." 

"What do you need?" Everything else was momentarily forgotten with the threat of Hydra near.  

"A team." His eyes glanced to Tony again. 

"Sorry to disappoint Captain," Tony finally spoke, leaning back in his chair. "But I'm currently unavailable."  

"I know," he said unperturbed. "I need Nat." 

One of her eyebrows rose again and she crossed her arms over her chest. "For what exactly?" 

"I was thinking this is a good chance to put our training to the test." He shrugged, less confident than before and she allowed a comforting smile. 

"Sure." She nodded.  

There was a meeting with Rhodey, Sam, Steve, Wanda, Vision, and herself. Steve gave a rundown of what he and Sam found and discovered. His lead that he had been following of a terrorist being after illegal weapons was Rumlow. It was agreed that it wasn't the best idea to have Vision out in the field so soon after Sokovia and it—he? — would continue to follow the lead while they trained for fighting as a team instead of individually.  

Rhodey agreed to train with them, but he normally didn't join them unless Tony asked him to, mainly because he still was loyal first to the army instead of the Avengers which everyone understood. Natasha already had plenty of team practice with Steve, much more than she needed really, as did Sam so it was mostly Sam and Wanda, Sam and Natasha, and Steve and Wanda when they worked in pairs.  

The next six months went by quickly, she took a rain check on Christmas and New Year's because they followed a lead that ended up being a bust. Steve had been incorporating Wanda's magic into training a lot more and she was getting better at it and much stronger. Her energy shields could give Steve's shield a run for its money. Natasha continued with helping Wanda with an American accent and Steve took over her detective training. All in all, things were going pretty well.  

~•~ 

"How about dangerous?"  

Ross was definitely not what they needed after the week they had. Sitting in a room being lectured like they were a bunch of kids by a man who in Natasha's opinion, didn't care about anyone but himself, was not what she needed after the emotional turmoil of Lagos.  

It was...ghastly. Natasha hadn't been there when it happened, but she'd seen the aftermath, and the damage was horrific. So many people died in such a brutal, gruesome way. It was an accident, yes, and she couldn't imagine how Wanda felt afterward, but it still happened, and they were not allowed to grieve for the destruction they caused.  

They've been handling all the legalities, keeping Wanda from being sent to the raft for mass murder, and dealing with clean up. It's been awful, and she felt awful, not that Ross cared about what they felt. And she could understand but they still didn't need this after the week they'd had. 

"What would you call a group of US-based, enhanced individuals who routinely ignore sovereign borders...and inflict their will wherever they choose, and who frankly seem unconcerned about what they leave behind?"  

She glared at him, not giving him the satisfaction of knowing that he was right. Because when put like that, he was. Natasha had been with SHIELD since 2008 and with the KGB since she was born before that. SHIELD had rules, policies and laws to follow, although they sometimes were outside the law but only barely. They worked with the government, not despite it. She knew the Avengers did good and meant well but even that started as a SHIELD project that went off course. Sometimes things couldn't be helped but she couldn't help but wonder if the Avengers sometimes did more damage than anything else. And now here was Ross confirming her fears. 

Ross turned their focus on the screen where he showed clips of their fights and the aftermath. "New York," he said somberly.  

New York was not completely their fault and there was a bomb being sent there by the council that would have been much worse if Tony hadn't taken it through the portal. However, the Hulk was mindlessly destroying buildings as he hopped around as if he was at a playground. 

Rhodey turned and stared at her with a look she didn't want to look too deep into. She only spared him a glance before resolutely staring at the screen ahead. "Washington D.C.," he said next. 

At the time, it felt like they could trust no one. Hydra was all over SHEILD and there was no telling who was on their side. Fury didn't even know if he could trust Natasha, which hurt, but it was understandable because she wasn't even sure if she could trust Steve, although that distrust faded pretty quickly. She never questioned Victoria's loyalties, which she didn't put much thought into at the time, but now it just hurt when she realized how much time was wasted dancing around her own feelings.  

"Sokovia," Ross continued.  

She could blame Tony and Bruce for that. They created Ultron even though they didn't know what it would turn out to be. But thinking back on everything now, she realized she was just giving excuses. They could have involved...anyone really, instead of trying to solve their Ultron problem on their own. Maybe things would have gone differently, maybe they wouldn't but they did leave behind destruction. They eradicated an entire city. They were close to letting everyone die and if Fury hadn't shown up, there would have been a lot more deaths on their hands.  

"Lagos."  

When it cut to the burning building and bodies on the ground, Natasha couldn't bear to make any more excuses. With all their training and preparation, they failed to successfully stop Rumlow and maybe if they had gone through the proper channels, it could have been avoided. Out of her peripheral, she noticed Wanda look away and glanced at her only a second before staring at the screen again.  

"Okay," Steve finally said. "That's enough." 

The screen shut off and Ross continued, "For the past four years, you've operated with unlimited power and no supervision." His face was scrunched up in what could be considered passion. Passion for the people and lives lost. Natasha knew better though. "That's an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate." 

He paused and nodded to himself, everyone else unusually silent. Her eyes never left him as she analyzed the man standing before them. He believed a part of what he was saying although his agenda was greater than what he was saying. Or maybe that was just her instinct not to trust anyone.  

"But I think we have a solution." He turned to be handed a thick book by his assistant which he then placed on the table. Directly in front of Wanda. "The Sokovia Accords." Natasha took a discreet deep breath in and resisted the urge to snap at him. She readjusted in her seat, folding her hands on top of the table as he continued, "Approved by 117 countries, it states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization."  

Wanda slid the book across the table, with some irritation, to Rhodey and Natasha spared her a glance to ensure she was okay. It was insensitive on Ross's part, but deliberate she knew. She half listened as he continued insisting that they answered to the United Nations which although she knew Ross was not to be trusted, she knew what he was suggesting wasn't that bad, especially considering the damage they have caused over the years.  

"The Avengers were formed to make the world a safer place," Steve said, always the fighter. "I feel we've done that." 

"Tell me, Captain, do you know where Thor and Banner are right now?" Ross argued. And that was when it finally clicked. Ross and Bruce had personal issues years ago and it seemed one of them still hadn't gotten over it. "If I misplaced a couple of 30 megaton nukes, you can bet there'd be consequences."  

He went on and on, but Natasha could see right through him. This was more about Banner and anyone else with powers or some sort of super ability that he didn't trust. Natasha couldn't blame him, but he took it a lot more personally than most people, and he is in a place of power where he can enforce his grudges.  

"So," Rhodey said. "There are contingencies." 

"Three days from now, the UN meets in Vienna to ratify the accords." Steve turned to look back at Tony, who was sitting alone in a corner. "Talk it over." 

She watched Ross begin to walk off and took a deep breath. "And if we come to a decision you don't like?" she asked, already knowing the answer. Her hand rubbed the smooth top of the table, and she caught his eye as he stopped to glare at her.  

"Then you retire." She smirked with a small nod, not giving him the satisfaction of feeling like he had won. 

He left after that, not sparing anyone another glance and the room was quiet in his absence. Tony was the first to leave and she was ready to follow him but held back. As much as she wanted Victoria back, and God did she want her back, there were things that had to be handled here first, now. In three days. Steve sighed and her eyes followed him as he stood and took the book that was still sat in front of Rhodey.  

"The choice is obvious, isn't it?" Rhodey asked looking around.  

"Yeah," Sam nodded leaning back in his chair. Steve didn't answer, just stared at the book with a crease in his brow as he flipped through the pages.  

"We sign it," Rhodey said at the same time Sam said, "We're not signing it."  

"What?" Rhodey gasped.  

"You want to sign that?" Sam leaned forward and Natasha stayed silent as she looked at Steve, still frowning as he read.  

"You don't?" Rhodey countered, outraged.  

Natasha slowly stood, looking at Wanda who had her arms around herself as she stared blankly at the table and Vision watched her with interest. Their relationship was...weird but they got along, and Natasha wasn't going to judge. She headed for the door that Tony left out of, stopping by Steve to pat his arm. He looked at her without speaking and she nodded for him to follow her. 

He was silent as they walked until he sighed, "This is..." 

"Yeah," she agreed. She glanced at him just under her lashes. He was troubled and had his serious face which was never good. A loud groan sounded from the common room, and they glanced at each other with equal exasperation.  

When they walked in, there was Tony laid out on a lounge chair staring up at the ceiling. She shared one more look with Steve before they joined him, Steve sitting in a chair and Natasha taking a seat on the couch. They sat in silence, none of them saying a word as the weight of Ross's words sat between them.  

Soon everyone else filtered in, Wanda and Vision sticking close together, Sam and Rhodey filling the silence as they argued back and forth. Steve went back to reading the Accords and Natasha sat with her hands folded in her lap as she thought and thought of what this all meant for them.  

The Avengers were meant for good; the goal was to protect the people and that's what they've done...but at what cost? Natasha joined SHIELD to undo all the hurt she caused on behalf of the KGB, to wipe the red out of her ledger and she became a part of the Avengers, first to save Clint, and then because it was the right thing to do. She had a chance to do more, and she thought she was doing right but maybe they'd done more harm than good.  

Tony shifted, putting his hand over his face and she wondered what he was thinking about. He looked troubled, more so than he has lately and she wanted to know if he had another setback with his device. She hadn't been in the lab as much lately since they had been tracking Rumlow and training more often. She hoped her absence didn't affect him too badly and then she shook away that thought right after she thought it, of course her absence didn't affect him, they weren't even friends.  

"I have an equation," Vision spoke up gathering everyone's attention and effectively ending Sam and Rhodey's arguing.  

"Oh, this will clear it up," Sam scoffed.  

Vision ignored his sarcasm or maybe didn't notice it as he continued, "In the eight years since Mr. Stark announced himself as Ironman, the number of known enhanced persons had grown exponentially. And... during the same period, the number of potentially world ending events has risen at a commensurate rate." 

"Are you saying it's our fault?" Steve asked, finally looking up from the Accords.  

"I'm saying there may be a causality." He paused and Natasha took a deep breath. "Our very strength invites challenge," Vision continued. "Challenge incites conflict. And conflict...breeds catastrophe. Oversight...oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand." 

It was a little dramatic but true and Natasha hated this. Hated how they were about to be divided, hated how all the good they did was about to be reduced to only the worst of their battles, and hated that the worst of their battles caused so much pain and suffering to the very people they were meant to protect. It was too much, and she missed simpler times before the Avengers, when she was at SHIELD and being charmed by Victoria.  

"Tony," Natasha said, finally sick of his silence. They had found a common interest in Victoria and gotten closer because of it which she felt gave her purpose to say, "You are being uncharacteristically non-hyper verbal."  

Although when she thought about it, it wasn't very uncharacteristic of him lately, Victoria's disappearance was taking a drastic toll on him. It had been about a year now since she went through the portal, and she was too busy with finding Rumlow to be here with him when the one year mark came.  

"It's because he's already made up his mind," Steve said. Tony's hand fell from his face as he looked between them and her chest tightened, though she didn't know why.  

"Boy you know me so well," he uttered as he finally sat up and struggled to stand. As he grabbed the back of his head he said, "Actually, I'm nursing an electromagnetic headache." He walked away and toward the kitchen. Natasha watched him wearily. "That's what's going on, Cap. It's just pain." 

He fumbled around in the kitchen, grabbing one of the mugs that Natasha had just washed earlier and left out to dry. This was a Tony she had seen a lot more of lately, disheveled and not very fluid with his movements. Not drunk, she hadn't seen him drunk since the night of his party when Ultron first attacked, but not completely himself. 

"It's discomfort," he said as he reached into the sink. "Who's putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?" His jaw clenched as he put his phone down and a hologram photo came up of a young man.  

It brought memories of the last time he quietly brought up an image and she held in a flinch. He leaned forward against the counter, looking down and shaking his head before suddenly looking up as if seeing the picture for the first time. She wanted to roll her eyes at his dramatics. 

"Oh, that's Charles Spencer, by the way. He's a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA," he continued as he made himself coffee. She didn't understand his sudden choice of topic and watched him with confusion. "Had a floor-level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first he wanted to put a few miles on his soul before he parked it behind a desk. See the world."  

He slammed the coffee mug on the counter and looked out at them. An uneasy feeling formed in Natasha's chest as she listened, stiff and unmoving watching Tony. He continued, his voice getting more agitated, "Maybe be of service. Charlie didn't want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn't go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where. Sokovia." 

The silence in the room was loud and Natasha looked down at her fingers that were mindlessly dragging across the couch where they could reach. She didn't like where this was going, but Tony wasn't done, this news of Charlie Spencer eating away at him for however long.  

"He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won't know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass." His hand dragged down his face before he abruptly grabbed his mug of coffee, taking a sip as if he didn't just finish a long monologue about another innocent person they had killed. He slammed the mug on the counter and turned, confident and sure in a way she hadn't seen in a long time as he walked. "There's no decision making process here." He stopped to lean back against the counter and fold his arms over his chest. "We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys." 

Natasha inhaled deeply and thought of the Red Room and the limits they didn't have. Nothing mattered other than their agenda and anyone who got in their way was to be eliminated. "Tony," Steve interrupted. "Someone dies on your watch, you don't give up." 

"Who said we're giving up?" Tony countered. Natasha readjusted in her seat, folding her hands in her lap.  

"We are if we're not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blame."  

"Sorry, Steve," Rhodey cut in. "That...that is dangerously arrogant. This is the United Nations we're talking about. It's not the World Security Council, it's not SHIELD, it's not HYDRA—" 

"No, but it's run by people with agendas and agendas change." 

"That's good," Tony argued, joining them again in the room. "That's why I'm here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stopped manufacturing."  

"Tony, you chose to do that. If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose." 

And Natasha could understand both sides, she knew why Steve felt the way he did when before he was willing to put all his trust in an organization to tell him what to do before it was up to him to do the right thing because that very organization turned out to be the bad guy. But Tony who never had to listen to anyone tell him what to do, had been on his own since his parents died when he was 21, who has seen what doing things without consequences does and changed because of it. 

"What if this panel sends us somewhere we don't think we should go? What if there's somewhere we need to go, and they don't let us?"  

Steve had a point and Natasha wondered what Victoria's thoughts would be. She didn't know much about her past before joining SHIELD, only what Tony told her, which wasn't much. Just that she was in a bad place before he saved her, and they saved each other. Would they stop Tony from building his device to find her? Would signing the Accords give them more time to work on finding her?  

She bit her lip, feeling guilty for letting the thought of Victoria almost decide for her. There were innocent people who died. Because of them. It was an accident, they were fighting for the right reasons. But they took no precautions before jumping into a fight. With SHIELD, everything was planned out to protect the people, never engage if it meant harming those around.  

She tuned back into the conversation when she heard Tony say, "If we don't do this now...it's gonna be done to us later. That's the fact. That won't be pretty."  

Ross had been clear when he said what would happen if they didn't sign. Then you retire. Whether that be by choice or by force. The Accords was the only way they still could do good and maybe it wasn't the best choice, not very desirable but sometimes you have to accept the cards you've been dealt.  

"You're saying they'll come for me," Wanda said, her accent still thick even with all the practice they've been doing. Guild weighed heavily on Natasha's chest.  

"We would protect you," Vision assured her.  

Natasha clenched her jaw before reluctantly admitting, "Maybe Tony's right." Everyone looked at her, all shocked and Steve's mixed with betrayal. She could see the words in his eyes, After everything we've been through. She ignored them all and continued, "If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off—" 

Sam interrupted her, his shock turned into a glare as he bent forward to lock eyes with her. "Aren't you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?" 

"I'm just..." Thinking of all the people she killed before SHIELD, thinking of where she would be if Clint hadn't saved her, making the right choice for everyone they've failed, missing Victoria desperately. Instead, she said, "I'm reading the terrain. We have made some very public mistakes. We need to win their trust back." 

"Focus up," Tony interrupted in true Tony fashion. "I'm sorry. Did I just mishear you or did you agree with me?" 

"Oh, I wanna take it back now," she sighed.  

"No no no, you can't retract it. Thank you. Unprecedented." She glared at him as he smirked, and it reminded her of late nights in his lab as he worked on finding a way to Victoria. "Case closed I win." 

She stayed silent as she thought of those nights, how for the past year all she had been able to think of was Victoria. She looked at Tony, wondering if the loss of his best friend had affected his judgement in battle and if maybe she hadn't been as focused as she should have been. Maybe Sokovia happened the way it did because they were all distracted, maybe they— 

"I have to go." She was brought out of spiraling thoughts as Steve suddenly fled the room, down the stairwell and the room was silent once more.  

She glanced in Tony's direction when he sat on the other end of the couch, the playfulness gone as if it had never been there. He was staring at his hands that were locked together so tightly, his knuckles were white. She sighed and hoped this was something they could overcome. Over the years, she began to see the Avengers as her family, even Wanda who she took a while to warm up to. She tried to be optimistic, but Victoria was sucked into a portal, and they had yet to find her and she didn't want to lose anyone else. She didn't want this to tear apart what was left of her family.  

~•~ 

"You're not going?" Natasha asked bemused. Tony was the Accords biggest advocate, giving the story of the kid who died in Sokovia through no fault of his own and determined to make Steve see reason. 

"I've already signed," he said uninterested. "I did my part, everything else is just..." 

He didn't finish but she could hear it all the same. A waste of time. She sighed and hesitated to leave herself, but it seemed she would be the only one going to the UN meeting and without her, it would send the wrong message. Like they weren't happy to have signed, which sure they weren't ecstatic, but it was the right thing to do.  

Tony took a sip of his coffee, that she was pretty positive was cold by now, as he ran some sort of holographic test on the device he had been working on to find Victoria. She asked him what it was one day, and he only responded that it would take them to Victoria with a portal. She wondered how he was able to make something like that without something like the tesseract.  

"If they told you that working on this device was dangerous and to stop..." His eyes met hers blazing with something she couldn't name. "Would you give up?" 

"I'd never give up on her," he said fiercely, a little defensive. "I'm not you." 

And that hurt but she didn't let it show. She raised her brow and leaned back against her chair as much as she could in her skirt and blazer. "When have I given up on her?" 

He sighed, suddenly looking weary and shook his head. "That was...I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just stressed. This has all been a shitshow hasn't it?" 

"Yeah," she muttered in agreement. 

"I think...I didn't want to say anything before I was sure." Natasha sat up, her chest fluttering as she hoped, oh she hoped he was going to say what she wanted to hear. "I think that I'm real close to being...done. There are a few things I have to do, I'm waiting on a part so I can go through the portal without being blown to bits but..." 

"Wait," she stopped his rambling. "So you can go through the portal?" 

He stared at her as if she wasn't making any sense. "Yeah, Romanoff. I can't just...make her appear." 

"No—I mean you? You're... just you? I'm going with you." She's never been one to stutter or have trouble getting her words out but when it came to Victoria, she was always doing things she'd never done before.  

"Oh. Sure, if you want," he shrugged.  

"Of course I want to! We don't even know...she could be in danger." The last part came out as a whisper, the thought of her needing them for over a year weighing heavy on her.  

Tony's nonchalance faded and his face hardened. He clenched his jaw, and his movements were stiff as he fiddled with something on his desk. "She wouldn't have signed." 

It was so random she almost thought she misheard, but they were the only ones in the lab, and it was silent except for their own voices. "What?" she asked anyway.  

"She..." He sighed and slouched in his chair to stare up at the ceiling. "She would have hated being told what to do. It's...her freedom is more important to her than even you and me. She wouldn't have signed the Accords." 

She felt her face get hot at the mention of Victoria's feelings for her but pressed, "How are you so sure?" 

"Because I know her."  

It wasn't meant to sting or scathe, just said as a fact, but it did anyway, and Natasha was once again reminded of how little she knew about Victoria. There was this barrier between them, put up by Natasha herself and she hated it. She regretted time wasted by fears and past experiences that no longer mattered when she thought about it.  

She decided to leave after that. The past three days had been a lot and maybe after the UN conference, she could stay a few extra days in Vienna. A small vacation after the long year she's had. She deserved that much, didn't she? And besides, it wasn't like there was anything to do afterward, all their assignments would be given to them, and Tony said he was waiting on a part so a small break could be just what she needed before anything else happened.  

~•~ 

BOOM  

BOOM  

BOOM  

Natasha watched objects explode around Steve as he ran and Rhodey fired missiles in his vicinity, the Winter Soldier, Bucky according to Steve, coming to his aid and Sam joining. Everyone was fighting, firm in their belief and support for either Tony or Steve and nothing was getting solved. As she stood there on top of a shipping container, watching her family fight, she had a moment of clarity.  

"Then what are you doing here?" Steve had asked when she admitted that she knew he wouldn't sign the Accords.  

"I didn't want you to be alone," she'd replied.   

She knew she had made the right choice from the look on his face. He needed a friend, and she was able to be that, pulling him into her arms so he could fall apart if he needed to. He cried into her shoulder, surrendering to his grief.   

Now, in this moment he was strong and determined. He didn't need to be held, he didn't need to break down. Now he was headed toward their jet, with no one watching. Natasha glanced at Tony, busy in his own fight with a now large Antman.  

"What will you do if they decide to fight?" she asked as they rode in silence to the airport.   

"Fight. I already told the kid what to do." He was sitting stiffly in the cockpit of the jet, not looking at anyone.  

"Would you have fought her?" she murmured. She saw him stiffen for a moment before his gaze slid to her. "You said she wouldn't have signed. She most likely would have joined Steve..."  

He was silent but that was answer enough. He wouldn't have fought Victoria, not the way he was prepared to fight Steve. "She would have convinced Steve to sign the Accords," he said stubbornly.   

"No, she wouldn't have," she argued softly.   

His head shook and his shoulders sagged. "No," he agreed. "She wouldn't have."   

Natasha beat Steve and Bucky to the hangar, and she waited, thought of what she would say, how she could try and make him see reason. And then she saw the entrance begin to fall apart before red energy caught it, holding it up so they could slip through before it collapsed. And Natasha was brought back to the months spent training, teaching teamwork and what it meant to be a family and look out for each other. Her heart was torn in two, unsure what to do. 

Steve ran in with Bucky in tow and slowed, but she saw the way he was prepared for a fight. "You're not gonna stop," she acknowledged.  

She glanced behind them seeing T'Challa creeping in and realized she had a choice to make. "You know I can't," Steve breathed.  

She sighed as she held her arm out, preparing a widow bite. "I'm gonna regret this," she said to herself and aimed at T'Challa before he could reach them, firing quickly before she could change her mind. Steve stared at her in shock, and she uttered, "Go." 

They ran and she fired at T'Challa again and again until they were in the jet, set to leave and he couldn't follow. He tried to hang on to the bottom of the jet but slipped and landed a few feet away from her and she watched him guiltily. She already regretted it, but while the Accords were an admirable idea, it wasn't worth it to tear the Avengers apart.  

T'Challa stood and she rushed out an excuse, "I said I'd help you find him, not catch him. There's...a difference." She tried to smile but it felt false, and she swallowed her regrets. 

They stood at an impasse as she waited for his next move. She doubted she would win in a fight against him, she saw him fight with Steve and while she had faith in her capabilities, she was really sick of fighting. She never did get that vacation.  

"You've let the man who killed my father...escape." 

She looked at the ground as she murmured, "I'm sorry." She sighed and looked up again. "I know you're avenging your family, but...I'm protecting mine." 

He didn't respond, only ran where she didn't follow. When she came out of the hangar, the first thing she noticed was Wanda sitting on the ground looking out toward the empty field. She could faintly see Vision standing far, far away and she wondered if that meant Steve got away.  

"Nat," Wanda whispered wearily.  

She looked down and saw the sorrow on the young girl's face. "What is it?" she asked as she knelt down in front of her.  

Wanda took a deep breath looking out toward the field again and she followed her gaze, finally noticing Tony as well as he stood. "Rhodey...he fell." 

Natasha didn't understand what was going on and she stood looking around. No one was fighting anymore, and all attention seemed to be toward the field. And Rhodey...fell. Her heart raced as she looked around once again hoping to get some answers.  

"It was an accident," Wanda suddenly said defensively. "He didn't do it on purpose. He—" She choked on her words as a sob fell from her throat and Natasha knelt back down to grab her hand. 

"Hey. Don't lose yourself, alright?" Wanda's lips were still trembling, but she nodded.  

Natasha didn't know what was going on, but things just went from bad to worse. She never craved Victoria more than now as it felt like everything around her was falling apart. Tony was going to hate her again for letting Steve go, Rhodey was hurt, everyone was split up from the fight and she had no one. She just wanted to be wrapped in an embrace of sweet caramel.  

~•~ 

"You let them go Nat," Tony bitterly hissed.  

"We played this wrong," she argued.  

"'We'?" he scoffed. "Boy it must be hard to shake the whole double agent thing, huh? Just sticks in the DNA."  

She stared at him in shock as her heart pounded. She thought that the past few months they spent getting closer had meant something, that whatever grievances he had with her about Victoria were gone. Late nights in the lab talking about things they never tell anyone, and he didn't hesitate to throw one of them in her face. 

"Are you incapable of letting go of your ego for one goddamn second?" She tried to sound harsh, but the hurt was clear in her voice, and she was glad he looked away first.  

"T'Challa told Ross what you did, so they're coming for you." He looked at her again, smug, but something else too. He was hurt, she hurt him.  

"I'm not the one that needs to watch their back." She wanted to walk away with the last word, leave him alone with his hurt and let him make whatever stupid decisions he was about to make.  

But he was still staring at her with hurt in his eyes and she stood in place, tense as she looked away from his betrayed face to stare ahead. They stood in silence while she silently fumed at his audacity. After a few moments, she glanced at him. He was no longer looking at her, but straight ahead and she finally got a good look at his bruised and battered face.  

"You look like shit," she muttered. 

He snorted but didn't respond. She noticed his gaze turn to her as he started to say something before he got an alert on his watch that had his immediate attention. An image of a man, dead, came up.  

"What am I looking at Friday?"  

"Priority upload from Berlin police."  

Tony glanced at her again, and she frowned. "Fire up the chopper," he muttered before leaving her alone.  

She watched him walk away with a sigh. She didn't have much time before they came for her, she knew. When medical arrived for Rhodey, she saw federal agents coming and they arrested everyone who fought with Steve and there was nothing she could do to stop it without getting herself arrested.  

She didn't think it would be a good idea to go back to New York and try her luck at the tower, so she did what she did best and disappeared. She still hadn't put together fake identities to use for a time like this, simply because she never thought she would be put in this situation again. She thought she'd found something permanent where she wouldn't need to be ready to leave at a moment's notice and now she was unprepared. 

Well, not completely unprepared, she was a creature of habit after all. She had a few safe houses she could choose from while she came up with a plan. She needed to get as far away from Ross's jurisdiction as quickly as she could, but there was one thing holding her back. She would be going with Tony through that portal to find Victoria and nobody, especially not Ross, was going to stop her from seeing Victoria again.  

Tony said he was waiting on a package, he didn't say how long it would take to get there, for all she knew it could be getting delivered today. Would Tony leave without her? Would he bring her back and not tell anyone? She doubted it, or maybe she didn't want to believe it. She hoped he wasn't so angry with her that he left without her. 

She came up with a list of things she needed, IDs, passports, entry visas, to send to Rick. She had a safehouse in Norway she could use for a while, well more of a safe trailer than a house but it was outside Ross's jurisdiction and only a boat ride away from New York. She would give Tony time to cool off before reaching out.  

"Haven't heard from you in a while," Rick said when he answered the phone. 

"Yeah," she agreed softly. She inhaled a shaky breath as the events of the last few weeks really set in. "Just," she breathed and then paused. "I sent you a list." 

He hummed on the other end, there was some shuffling before he said, "I'll see you in two weeks." 

"Thank you," she whispered. She cleared her throat and more clearly repeated, "Thank you." 

"Two weeks," he repeated and ended the call.  

Two weeks was enough time to get some essentials and get Ross off her trail so she could get away. She knew it was a bad idea, there were better ways to get away, less risky, more likely to succeed. She didn't care. In less than two days, she found a way into New York and into the compound without being spotted. Tony wasn't there yet, he should still be in Germany with Rhodey so she packed a bag before setting off to his lab. She searched it, looking for any sign of a package having been delivered but it looked the same as it did before she left for Vienna.  

"Ms. Romanoff." 

She froze at Visions's voice and mentally cursed herself for not even thinking of the possibility of him being there. She slowly turned coming face to face with the humanoid. "Vision." 

"You're wanted along with Mr. Rogers by the United Nations." He looked at her with no certain expression, just stared at her as he stated a fact.  

"Yeah, well," she shrugged looking around. "I have...other commitments than going to prison." 

"You mean Victoria Pierce?" 

"How do you know about her?" she asked, her voice a lot shakier than she would have liked. She looked back at him, his face still neutrally blank.  

"I do have all information that Jarvis had with me, including the file of her disappearance and the project Mr. Stark has been working on to find her."  

"Right," she muttered. She tried and failed to read his intentions as he stood and watched her, and she watched him back. "Are you going to arrest me?" 

"He should," Tony's voice suddenly sounded from her right.  

She jumped, a little startled, not expecting him back so soon. "What are you doing here?" 

"This is my lab, Romanoff," he scoffed, but said nothing else, and she waited with growing apprehension. He looked worse than the last time she saw him, more bruising around his eyes, a busted lip, and his posture indicated some kind of problem with his ribs. "I knew you would be here," he eventually said.  

"I'm not going to let you go find Victoria without me." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared him down with fierce determination. And stubbornness.

He glared at her, the hurt still clearly there but his shoulders sagged a moment later. "Vision," he said tersely. She was expecting him to order her arrest but instead he said, "Give us some privacy." Vision looked between them for a moment. "Please," Tony added as an afterthought.  

She was too confused to even think about hiding that fact from her face and watched Tony as he stood ramrod straight looking at her. Vision eventually walked out, and they were left alone in tense silence. The thought that she could have walked into a trap suddenly crossed her mind and she looked around again.  

"So, Ross and his agents are waiting for me then?" she decided to ask.  

"And if they were?" Her eyes snapped to Tony's, his usual light brown now more of a black. She narrowed her eyes at him, and he shook his head. "No one's waiting." 

Her eyes roamed his face, searching for any tick of a lie but he seemed genuine, at least as genuine as he could be, and she let herself relax if only a little. She dropped her arms and took a seat in what was her chair in his lab and gestured for him to sit in his own. He hesitated but slowly crossed the room and sat down with a pained groan.  

"I don't like you," he started, and she scoffed. "And I don't trust you. But Victoria..." He inhaled sharply and she clenched her jaw. "She loves you for some reason." 

"What?" she whispered.  

"Don't act stupid, you know how she feels about you," he bit out.  

"No, I—Yeah. I mean...yeah. Yeah, she does, doesn't she? And I..." She choked on her words and looked away, embarrassed at her own emotions.  

"Whatever," he muttered. "She'd...she would want to see you, so...one month."  

Natasha frowned and looked at him again, but he was staring firmly at the desk. "One mo—" she began before he cut her off. 

"Come back in one month. My package will be here in a few days, and it will take a few weeks to finish my portal. I also need to help Rhodey, I can't just leave him right now." 

She nodded in understanding and tried to catch his gaze, but he deliberately avoided eye contact. "Okay," she agreed. "One month." 

[kleverarachnid]

I have no outline tho, just vibes

[kleverarachnid]

I don't have time to make edits often, but I heard this audio and had to do it. It's been almost a month since I made it but I still come back to it..😩

[kleverarachnid]

OMG you're in Tumblr!! I love that story about Victoria sm, I come back to it from time to time in AO3

Oh, that is so lovely to hear🥹🫶I'm so happy that you enjoy that story. I just started on tumblr and am still trying to figure things out, but I wanted a place where I can talk with people and ask for thoughts on stories I'm working on which is very limited in AO3.

I'm still working on the next part of that story though and I'm glad you found me here. 😙♥️

[kleverarachnid]

No...

[kleverarachnid]

No Happy Endings?

Ch. 1: Victoria

Summary: Victoria Pierce was helplessly in love with Natasha but it was clear the redhead only wanted one thing. She was beginning to learn to accept that before she got swept up in a portal that took her who knows where.

Full story on AO3: Here

It was the look in those green eyes, the way they sometimes softened and smiled at her. It was the warmth of her hands when she held her close as if she didn't want to let go; as if she was something precious. It was the way she kissed her with such emotion, saying what her words wouldn't. It was the way she always felt loved in those moments, and it was because of those moments that she let herself get lost time and time again in Natasha Romanoff. 

"Please," Victoria begged as Natasha relentlessly pumped three fingers into her, her other hand interlocked with Victoria's above her head. Victoria wasn’t normally one to beg, it was something she resented in fact, but Natasha somehow brought out this needy side of hers whenever they were together. "Oh, god please don't stop," she moaned. 

Natasha hummed, using her hips to force her fingers deeper and cursing when Victoria would clench around them. "You're so tight baby," she rasped in her ear, sending warm tingles down her spine. 

Victoria's free hand was holding onto Natasha's muscled back, keeping her close. She could feel every movement the redhead’s body made, her hard pink nipples brushing against her own darkened ones, her muscles tensing and un-tensing as she fucked Victoria into oblivion. She could feel Natasha everywhere, overwhelming her senses and heightening her pleasure. She could only moan and writhe under the warm body keeping her in place as she was brought to another earth-shattering orgasm. Natasha filled her deliciously, and with just the right amount of pain with her pleasure.  

"Ffff—uck!" Victoria threw her head back as she felt another orgasm approaching embarrassingly fast. 

Natasha's fingers picked up the pace, her now dark green eyes intently watching her every reaction, swollen pink lips hanging open. The sight of her red, ruly curls framing her face as the last of the light from outside shined on her was what finally brought Victoria over the edge, and she squeezed Natasha's fingers almost in a death grip as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her.  

She was a stuttering, moaning mess but Natasha was there, placing sweet kisses everywhere she could reach as Victoria came down from her high. Her cheeks, her nose, her lips, her jaw, her neck, and her shoulders were all given delicate kisses as Natasha murmured praises. "You're so pretty when you come for me." It made her feel gooey inside, and if she wasn’t already wet and naked underneath her, she would have blushed from the attention. 

Victoria was breathing heavily, trying to bring her body back down to earth because she felt like she was floating. She felt Natasha carefully pull her fingers from inside of her, causing her to twitch and jump but Natasha shushed her softly, squeezing her hand that she still hadn't let go of.  

Natasha was staring down at her with the look in her eyes that made Victoria fall in love all those years ago and Victoria couldn't help but smile at her. Then, like always, there was the shift. The affection in those green eyes was gone, replaced with the coldness of the Black Widow that Natasha liked to use as a mask. She no longer held Victoria close, letting go of her hand as she slipped out of the bed and gathering her clothes.  

This was the part Victoria hated, when Natasha suddenly tossed her aside. It made her feel dirty and worthless, like she was a child again begging her mother to not give her away to the strange, scary men. She wanted to cover up and hide under the covers, escape the empty look in Natasha's eyes.  

"Nat?" she called softly. All she got in response was a halfhearted hum as Natasha pulled her pants back on. "You could...stay if you wanted. You...you don't have to leave." 

Natasha didn't look at her or even in her direction. Her freezing for only a moment was the only indication that she heard her, but she only resumed pulling her shirt over her head, shrugging lightly. She cleared her throat sharply before shaking her head. 

"Nah, I... I can't. You understand right?"  

Victoria sighed, pulling the comforter over her cold naked body. She hummed halfheartedly in response, and Natasha was soon out the door without another glance, leaving her alone. Again. A few short moments passed before she heard her front door close, and Victoria stared at her bedroom door for an embarrassingly long time, hoping Natasha would suddenly change her mind and come back. Of course she didn't, she never did.  

Victoria sniffed back the tears, not wanting to cry again. She didn't understand Natasha's behavior and she didn't understand why she kept accepting it for only moments of happiness. Natasha was a drug, and she was an addict, always waiting for her next fix. Maybe she should attend an AA meeting or something. She chuckled at her own thoughts although there was no real humor there. She gave herself a few more minutes to sit in her own self-pity before she forced herself out of bed and into the shower to wash away the hurt and shame, telling herself this would be the last time.  

By the time she was out of the shower, the sun was completely set, and her room was bathed in darkness. She expertly navigated around her room by muscle memory and flipped the switch only to be met with her clothes from earlier thrown around, reminding her of what happened not even an hour ago.  

She swallowed thickly before bending down to pick them all up and tossed them in the hamper. She looked at her bed and thought of washing her sheets for all of two seconds before shaking her head at herself. If she was lucky, they would smell like Natasha for a few days. Weak  

~•~ 

"It's...I'm done, it's over." Victoria nodded to herself as if that would make it any truer. 

Tony raised a disbelieving brow over what looked to be a part of his ironman suit, obviously not believing a word that came out of her mouth. She tried to stand her ground, glaring at him for extra measure but it only made him smile, amused. "Uh-huh," he nodded.  

"Don't be sarcastic." She rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest. "I'm serious." 

"Right," he mockingly agreed. "And does she know that?" 

Victoria hesitated, opening her mouth to answer but no words came out. He waited for a response that she couldn't—wouldn't give because the truth was that Natasha did not know. Victoria didn't know how or if she would ever tell her. She sighed, of course, she would have to tell her.  

"I wish we didn't work together, then I could just ghost her," she grumbled. 

Tony laughed, shaking his head. "Didn't you guys take SHIELD and Hydra down with Rogers? How can you still be working together for an organization that doesn't exist?" 

Victoria stayed silent at that, she wasn't really supposed to tell Tony about things that happened at SHIELD, but he was also her best friend and the only person she had to talk to. She sighed trying to think of the best way to answer without revealing information she wasn’t supposed to. 

"Isn't being an Avenger a job?"  

Tony scoffed, "How much do you get paid?" 

She rolled her eyes. "Be serious." 

"I am." 

"Whatever, it's still a job," she huffed. He silently shook his head continuing whatever project he was working on before Victoria came over. "What are you doing anyway?" 

"Well...I'm trying to find a more effective way..." he paused as he focused on something, Victoria had no idea what, "...to get into the suit." 

"Oh, so the suit coming to you and putting itself on not enough for you?" she teased.  

He only took a moment to glare at her before focusing once more. "No, what if something happens and I don't have time to wait for the suit?" 

She sighed, glancing at Tony. She worried about the billionaire, a lot. Ever since the battle with Loki, he had been different, more anxious, and always preparing for the next fight. It had been over a year since his last panic attack, but now she was starting to wonder if that was true or if he was just hiding things from her. 

"Tony?" she started softly, chewing her bottom lip. He replied distractedly but she hoped he was at least somewhat listening. "How long have you been working on this?" 

His brows furrowed as he thought, but his hands never stopped moving. "Um...for about a couple of weeks." He paused but then nodded to himself before mumbling, "Or months." 

Victoria's eyes widened. "Tony!" 

"What?" he asked dumbly, and Victoria just gaped at him. 

She shook her head and stood, reaching over to pull the tools out of his hands. He tried to fight with her and grab his things back, but she was much stronger, pulling him away from his workstation and sitting him in the chair she previously occupied. She put her hands on his shoulders to keep him in place and looked deeply into his eyes.  

They were red with bags forming from not getting enough sleep, something she knew he struggled with recently. She wondered if he even ate. She studied his face as he tried to avoid her eyes, but they were too close for him to fully escape her gaze. He looked guilty and her jaw clenched, she was angry but not with him.  

"Should I be worried?" Pepper's amused voice suddenly appeared. 

Victoria stared at Tony for a moment longer, memorizing the way his eyes currently looked before turning and smiling at the blonde who was headed toward them with bags of food. With complete seriousness, Tony replied, "Yep, if you're not careful Vic will steal me away from you." 

He stood, escaping the serious moment with Victoria, and gave Pepper a kiss on the cheek as she rolled her eyes with a fond smile. Victoria took the bags from her, placing them on a nearby desk. "Yes," Victoria sarcastically agreed. "Because my biggest dream has been to be with a man twice my age." 

"Ouch," Tony feigned hurt. "I'm only 40 and you're about to be 25." 

Victoria snorted, "You are not 40, and only women lie about their age."  

She dug around the bags, not listening to Tony's reply. There were a few burgers and fries inside, and she took two burgers, holding them out for Tony to take. When he took them, she took a carton of fries and handed him those as well before taking a burger and fry for herself. 

"You staying for lunch, Pepper?" she asked before stuffing a handful of fries into her mouth.  

Tony did the same and Pepper cringed. "No, as much as I would love to see you animals eat, I have things to do."  

Tony shrugged, before leaning in to loudly chew in her ear. She tried pushing him away and Victoria laughed at them. "You sure?" Tony asked around a mouthful. 

"Yes. Get away from me!" Pepper shrieked as he took a huge bite of his burger, grease dripping down his chin and onto the floor. Even Victoria had to admit that was gross.  

Tony shrugged, completely unbothered and replied, "Suit yourself," and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. He seemed to think of something for less than a second before suddenly leaning in and plopping a wet kiss on her lips too.  

"Tony!" 

He only smiled at Pepper who looked like she was seconds away from vomiting. "Love you, see you later."  

"Ugh," she sighed but smiled back at him. "I love you too." She leaned in and gave him a much more delicate kiss than he gave her and waved a goodbye to Victoria who smiled, then she left before Tony could torment her further.  

"You two are disgustingly cute," Victoria said when Pepper was gone.  

"Yeah," he mindlessly agreed looking at the door Pepper exited. She rolled her eyes but smiled. She was glad he had someone like Pepper in his life, she kept him balanced and taken care of.  

They finished eating in silence and Tony finally seemed truly relaxed now that he wasn't working on his suit. Victoria wasn't sure what to do in this situation; Tony was her first and only friend, although Steve would probably disagree. And Steve was nice, they got along because they had similar experiences, but they never really talked much outside of missions and alien invasions. Not that it was completely his fault because Victoria didn't try much either, but she was never good with people, except for Tony. He was different somehow and she still didn't know how exactly, but she cared for him deeply, and he just always seemed to be there when she needed him, he actually wanted to be there and made sure she knew it.  

Then there was Natasha, but that was an entirely different story. She wasn't exactly a friend seeing as they barely talked outside of sex. Victoria could probably remember a handful of times they shared a conversation over the few years she'd known the redhead. But never anything deep or personal, just small talk you make with an acquaintance. Or a stranger.  

"Stop thinking so much, it's not good for you." 

Victoria chuckled, rolling her eyes but grateful for Tony bringing her out of her racing thoughts. "I could say the same about you. And don't think I forgot about earlier."  

She gave him a stern glare and he frowned, confused before he guiltily looked away mumbling, "I don't know what you mean." 

Victoria sighed trying to think of the best way to talk to him. Without really thinking at all, she found herself saying, "You know my mom thought she was selling me to become a prostitute?" 

She didn't look at Tony, but she felt his eyes on her. He didn't speak and for a while, neither did she. This wasn't something she told anyone, and she didn't know why she was talking about it now. But she started and she couldn't stop. 

"Obviously that's not why they wanted me, and for the next ten years, I was subjected to tests and experiments where they would..." She paused and had to swallow the bile that rose in her throat.  

"Vic," Tony whispered. She could hear the emotion in his voice, but she still didn't look at him, she kept her eyes firmly on the ground.  

"They would cut me open with this...knife. I didn't heal as quick then so I would have to lay strapped to this metal table for hours in excruciating pain as my skin slowly pieced itself back together and everyone sat around and watched, taking notes."  

She inhaled sharply when she realized she begun crying, and she quickly swiped the tears away. She could remember the fear she felt every time she would be forced down on the table, the metal straps digging into her skin, the men in white lab coats having no empathy for her as they watched, fascinated. 

"I was forced to do tests and training exercises, things they wouldn't even allow in the military. I was their lab rat, and I was made into this...thing." 

She thought of Steve's friend, his cold, empty, lifeless eyes that looked at Steve with no recognition. He didn't even know who he was, he was just a killer for Hydra. Victoria could relate, although the men that took her weren't Hydra, she didn't know who or what they were, and she didn't want to know. She also didn't have the relief of forgetting, she remembered everything.  

"I would often wonder if it would have been better if I was sold as a prostitute. The things they did...I'll live with that forever."  

She shook her head, clearing the unwanted memories, and finally looked at Tony. The sight almost broke her. He was crying, face red with snot building up, his brown eyes glistened with the tears that didn't seem to stop coming. He looked at her with such helplessness, as if it was his fault she went through what she did.  

She swallowed the hurt those memories brought and continued, "I lived each day afraid, knowing the next day would be worse. Ironman freed me, but Tony... you saved me." 

His bottom lip trembled, and Victoria stood. He sat frozen, watching her helplessly, almost looking like a child at that moment. She strode over to him and gently cupped his face, wiping his tears. His body began trembling as he continued crying, but she hoped that he understood what she was trying to say.  

"Your suit isn't what makes you a hero," she whispered softly. He sniffled and took a deep breath. "It's your heart, and it's so big and loving but you never use it on yourself."  

More tears streamed down his face as he looked up at her and Victoria simply wiped them away, smiling softly at the man she would be eternally grateful for. He not only saved her life, but he saved her soul, making her into a real person again.  

"The people need Ironman," he argued weakly.  

She shook her head, sniffing back her own tears. "Some people just need Tony." 

He released a heavy sigh, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her close. She held the back of his head and laid her head on top of his. It was greasy and smelled like he hadn't washed in a while, so she pulled back, wrinkling her nose. "You need a shower." 

The heavy moment disappeared with his laughter, and he playfully pushed her away. "Okay Mom," he snarked and she giggled. 

They laughed easily together and fell right back into their easy-going dynamic. Victoria was glad she didn‘t ruin five years of friendship in one hour. Eventually, Tony decided to accept her request to shower, leaving his lab with Victoria following behind him. They walked to the elevator that led to the front lobby and he hugged her closely.  

"Thanks," he murmured near her ear. "For...you know." 

She smiled and squeezed him tightly before pulling back to look at him. "That's what friends do, right?" 

"Right," he nodded.  

She got in the elevator feeling lighter than she did before she came. That was until her phone rang and it was just the person she wanted to avoid. The elevator doors closed leaving her trapped with the ringing phone. She knew what she had to do, what she should do, but she didn't know if she could. Closing her eyes, she knew she had to end it with the redhead. It would be better if she ended things now, it had gone on far too long.  

"Hey," she answered right before the call dropped. 

"Hey," came Natasha's flirty voice. It did things to Victoria's heart...and other parts. "You busy?" 

Victoria held in a sigh but was grateful when the elevator opened, and she could breathe a little easier. "Um...no?" 

She rolled her eyes at herself, hating the way she sounded so uncertain. There was a small chuckle on the other side and Victoria clenched her jaw. With determined steps, she exited the building and found herself in a sea of people walking past her and not sparing her a second glance.  

"Well...if you're not doing anything, how about I come over?" 

Victoria swallowed, it was now or never. "Actually...um I was thinking we could talk." 

There was silence from Natasha, and Victoria held her breath. "Sure." She sighed in relief and almost let herself smile. "I can be over there in about twenty minutes."

Victoria tensed. "Uh..."  

The phone hung up before she could suggest meeting somewhere public and she sighed in frustration, which quickly turned into self deprecation. She didn't even want to be seen with her in public. It was about an hour long walk from Tony's and Victoria decided she would make the redhead wait. Feeling a small sliver of satisfaction with her petty revenge, she began her journey thinking of what she would say to her.  

~•~ 

"So, what'd you want to talk about?" Natasha asked smugly as she got dressed. 

Victoria stayed silent, her eyes hungrily taking in every curve, every muscle, and every piece of skin on display until Natasha was fully dressed again. She was disappointed when there was nothing else to oggle, but even more so in herself. She had meant to break things off, to tell her she wouldn't continue to be used like this.  

But then she made it home late like she planned, saw Natasha leaning against her door, flirting with her neighbor, and forgot all about that. And Natasha wasn't complaining, in fact, she seemed to take great pleasure in Victoria's jealousy, which just confused her further, and now she was dressed, leaving her alone once again.  

"Nothing important," Victoria muttered.  

Natasha hummed, running a hand through her hair. She looked thoroughly fucked and Victoria hated herself for finding herself aroused again. She bit her bottom lip, trying to tear her eyes away but she simply couldn't. It would be a sin to look away. A true crime.  

"Mm, see something you like?" Natasha teased as she sauntered over to where Victoria still lay naked.  

"Maybe," Victoria replied looking up into green eyes through her lashes.  

Natasha smirked and leaned in very close, but not quite touching. Victoria licked her dry lips, now unable to take her eyes off the swollen pink lips inches away from her own. "I'll see you later." 

The moment was gone, and Victoria was left cold when Natasha suddenly pulled back with her jacket and swiftly left the room. Victoria waited for the sound her front door to close before she finally let herself cry. Once again, she was left alone feeling dirty and ashamed, being reminded that she wasn't worthy of something as precious as love.  

She would always just be that little girl begging her mother to let her stay. She would always just be an object used for others' benefit. And of course, now would be no different, but maybe if she could accept that, she would be happy. Maybe this thing she had with Natasha could be enough.  

She crawled under the covers, curling herself into a ball as she mourned the idea of a relationship with the redhead. She tried to forget fantasies of late nights curled up together, talking about everything and nothing, early mornings making breakfast together and soft kisses before work. She tried to stay silent but soon let her harsh sobs fill the silence of her empty apartment, all the while telling herself it was for the best.  

After crying until she couldn't anymore, she dragged herself out of bed and into the shower where she once again washed away her shame and disgust for herself, although when she got out, she didn't feel any less ashamed or disgusting than she did when she first got in. Her head hurt from all her earlier crying making getting dressed feel like an impossible task. 

It was when she had some sleep shorts and a sports bra on that she heard her work phone ring. She knew sooner or later, she would be getting a call even though SHIELD was supposed to be gone. One thing she knew about Fury though was that he did not give up easily. All emotions disappeared into the back of her mind as she seamlessly slipped into work mode.  

"Pierce," she spoke into the phone, her voice a little hoarse.  

"We need you to come in. We've sent you an address, be there in an hour."  

The call ended quickly and Victoria frowned. She didn't recognize the agent's voice and since everything that happened recently, she had been a little more on edge. She went to her closet, pulling her cargo pants out. She swapped her shorts for the pants and pulled a black compression shirt out of her drawer.  

She pushed her wet hair back and out of her face and tried styling it in a way so it wouldn't bother her when it dried. She didn't like keeping long hair so she couldn't pull it into a bun like most of her women colleagues did. She was a little self-conscious about it at first, thinking it would be a problem to have her hair cut like a man, but Tony reassured her that it wouldn't matter, and short hair was "hot" on women. Not that looking hot was her worry, but she hated her long hair because it reminded her of her time as a lab rat.  

She pulled her boots on, shaking her thoughts away, and buttoned her pants. She pocketed her work phone and headed to the kitchen where she kept her gun, hidden under her dining table. She put it in her holster and grabbed her keys, exiting the apartment after grabbing a grey hoodie from her hall closet. After pulling it on, she pulled her phone out to check the address. 

It was a private hangar that she recognized because Tony used the same one. She smiled at the irony and pocketed her phone as she walked to the parking garage a block away from her apartment complex where she stored her motorcycle. She pulled the sheet off, revealing her sleek, black 2015 Harley-Davidson Livewire, recommended by Natasha of course.  

She pushed thoughts of Natasha out of her mind, forcing herself to focus on her task ahead. She had about 45 minutes to get to the airport, and she didn't like being late. The bike roared to life after she turned the key, and she strode out of the garage and into the streets of New York. She maneuvered through traffic with practiced ease, the wind drying her hair quicker. 

She made it in thirty minutes, knowing her way around the city, and was stopped at the gate being asked for her ID. She opened one of her pockets in her pants and pulled out her SHIELD badge. It was the only identification she had that had her real information on it and since SHIELD's information was released, she could no longer use her previous fake ones.  

The man checked it, clicking something on his tablet before nodding and motioning for the gates to be opened. She rode through and followed the directions that were in the texts, stopping in front of the hangar with a private plane. She saw a few other SHIELD agents packing boxes into the plane and watched as she waited for instructions.  

"Pierce!"  

She tensed hearing Natasha's voice and turned, being met with green eyes and full pink lips set into a smirk. "Romanoff," Victoria replied hiding her discomfort.  

Natasha looked completely put together, with no trace of what happened a few hours ago to be seen. She was in her suit that did things to Victoria's insides, and one she hadn't seen in months, and was heading toward her, cocky smile in place. Victoria kicked her stand out to park the bike making sure she turned it off before getting up. 

"What's going on?" she asked, looking around at the agents still loading boxes into the jet. 

"Transporting supplies," Natasha answered. 

"What supplies?"  

"Don't know, I didn't ask." She shrugged crossing her arms over her chest, pushing her breasts up a little Victoria noticed, with a teasing smirk.  

Victoria sighed, trying not to look down. She didn't think she would be called for something like transporting supplies, but she figured SHIELD didn't have many people to trust anymore so she would do it with no complaints this time. But next time, she would be having words with Nick Fury.  

"Ready?" Natasha asked. Victoria nodded and followed her onto the jet and into the cockpit. "So, what do you think? Finally want to learn?" The rasp in her voice brought flashes of her hovering over Victoria telling her how good she tasted. 

Victoria cleared her throat, "Sure." 

The flight was filled with flirty smiles, "accidental" touches, and eyes sending hidden messages. Once again Victoria was reminded of why she fell in love with this person who hurt her so much. Moments like these, she felt like she was floating which fueled her feelings further, making it easier to forget the pain that went along with it all.  

"We're here," Natasha announced what felt like too soon. This was the most open Victoria had ever seen her, and she didn't want it to end but as always, it did.  

She let Natasha land while she checked their surroundings, making sure everything was the way it should be. Everything seemed normal so she radioed in their landing and waited for instructions. She snuck a glance at the redhead beside her who was pressing buttons. Victoria didn't know what any of them did, but she seemed focused on her task, and yet Victoria couldn't help but think this would be a good time to finally talk. They had to wait for whatever was on this jet to be loaded off before they could fly back to New York anyway, and Natasha couldn't distract her with her body. 

"Nat?" She was proud of her voice not faltering. She received a hum in response, and she knew now was her chance. She cleared her throat nervously and clasped her hands together. "I... I'd like to have dinner with you." 

Coward , she thought to herself. Natasha was dreadfully silent, and Victoria snuck a glance to see green eyes already on her, studying her with an unreadable expression. When their eyes met, pink lips curled into a slight smirk.  

"Dinner?" she asked coyly.  

"Yes," Victoria replied with only a little uncertainty.  

"And what would we be doing after this...dinner?" The flirty tone was back, and Victoria held in a sigh. But there was this look in those mesmerizing eyes, it showed more than Natasha ever said. Victoria couldn't help but fall under their spell, smiling at their promises she knew wouldn't be kept. 

"Anything you want," she breathed. 

Natasha hummed, satisfied and her smirk widened. "I can think of a few things," she whispered.  

~•~ 

Days went by, and then weeks, and still Victoria never broke it off with Natasha. There wasn't much word from SHIELD since they transported supplies which just meant she saw the redhead more and more. Tony wasn't happy about it though and he made sure to let her know on multiple occasions.  

Victoria almost felt like she was going crazy, not having anything to do and being stuck in an endless cycle of pain and heartbreak, so when Steve came back ready to take down Hydra and find Loki's scepter, she jumped at the chance for a change of pace. She got into contact with Thor, Natasha with Clint, and Tony with Bruce, and soon everyone was back together again. Steve took the leader role while Tony funded everything they needed, and soon everyone had new and improved suits along with technology with Tony's AI, Jarvis, installed.  

Tony even offered everyone a room in his tower that was now fully repaired and fully stocked with things everyone would want and need. He even made improvements to Natasha's widow bites, much to Victoria's surprise since he made it clear he didn't like her very much( at all ).  

"She's part of the team, whether I like it or not and she's good. Even I can admit that" was his response when she questioned him. He also tinkered with Steve's shield so that it would always come back to him, making fighting easier. She knew Tony would never say it out loud, but he liked the captain in his own way, and they were friends although neither would ever admit it.  

It was an early morning one day, about a month since Steve returned, when Tony called everyone to his lab where he and Bruce had been working together to find possible Hydra locations. "So, we found one here." He pointed to a spot on the screen that showed a map. "They're using a church as a front, pretty clever but a bit ironic if you ask me."  

Victoria rolled her eyes but listened as he continued, and then listened to Steve's plan of attack. It was different, she realized, being a part of something so small but achieving something so big, as opposed to SHIELD where she was a part of something big achieving something small. No one really knew what SHIELD did for them, but everyone knew the Avengers and what they had done.  

Soon everyone was suited up, except Bruce who would only be joining if needed, and on the quinjet. They were flying to a small city in Mongolia, the base was supposed to be underneath an abandoned church. Victoria sat next to Thor who seemed different the last time she saw him, sadder with a darkness that wasn't there before. She wanted to ask but didn't think now would be an appropriate time.  

Also, she was distracted by the sight in front of her. Bruce was nervous, probably about the possibility of turning into the Hulk, like always, and Natasha was soothing him with a hand on his arm and a soft smile as she whispered comforting words to him. Victoria wasn't jealous, she had no right to be, but she couldn't help the foul taste she got in her mouth from looking at them.  

"Look alive team. We're almost there," Steve announced, and she heard the distinct sound of leather rubbing together as he tightened the hold on his shield. 

Victoria took her eyes off Natasha and Bruce, forcing herself to focus on the task ahead. It was easy, making the switch since it was something she learned to do long ago unless she wanted to die. All feelings related to Natasha Romanoff were gone from her body and mind as she prepared for the fight ahead.  

The church seemed empty and if she didn't know any better, she would have thought Tony was wrong, but Jarvis confirmed heat signatures inside, though not many. They decided to split up, wanting to silently take out as many soldiers as they could. Victoria was paired with Steve and they walked side by side, surveying the area for any sign of the scepter, but so far there was nothing but rooms filled with what looked to be junk to Victoria. They had yet to run into anyone and she didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.  

"Wait," Steve suddenly whispered and Victoria stopped to listen. She slid against a wall when she heard footsteps coming their way. She and Steve shared one look, then a nod before quickly and quietly taking out the men as they turned the corner. They didn't even get a chance to scream for help.  

"Status?" Steve spoke into his comms. He kicked the agent who weakly tried to reach for his gun, effectively knocking him out.  

"Clear," Clint's voice came through.  

"Nothing here," Natasha answered next.  

"Loki's scepter isn't here," Tony said.  

Steve sighed, visibly deflating. "It's okay, Cap," Victoria said with a reassuring smile. "We might not have found the scepter but this is one less Hydra base in operation." 

He nodded with a soft smile then spoke into the comms, "Take out any Hydra agent left. They're all getting locked up." 

"Aye, Aye Captain," Tony mocked and Steve rolled his eyes.  

Victoria smiled and soon followed Steve through the halls looking for any stragglers. Either most of the Hydra agents were coincidentally not here or they knew they were coming. Either way, it was barely anyone there and Victoria was naturally suspicious.  

"Anyone else getting a bad feeling?" Clint asked.  

Victoria nodded to Steve who frowned. "Uh guys," Bruce's anxious voice suddenly came through.  

"What is it?" Steve tensed.  

Before Bruce could respond, there was a loud explosion that shook the entire building, and suddenly everything around Victoria seemed to move in slow motion. The walls around them cracked, small at first before they soon grew at an alarming pace, breaking and collapsing around them.  

Victoria's first thought was Natasha, and as the walls and ceilings crashed down on her she felt fear, not for herself, but for a red headed assassin with bright green eyes that gave broken promises. Then she felt a strong arm wrap around her waist and pull her tightly against a large body. Steve , she thought. She held up her arm not currently crushed between Steve's body and her own, limiting the damage to her head.  

Everything fell around them with Steve's shield covering most of them, but the smoke was almost as heavy as the concrete and burned her lungs when she tried to breathe. It felt like hours went by before everything stilled. Then it was quiet, as if the entire world stopped in that moment. Her ears were damaged by the rubble, but then all sound rushed back to her ears as they quickly healed. There were gunshots and roars of the Hulk, and Victoria quickly extracted herself from Steve to join the fight.  

"Is everyone okay?" Steve's hoarse voice came through comms. Victoria heard him cough behind her before his footsteps sounded. "Does anyone copy?"  

Victoria's speed picked up as she worried for Natasha. She tried not to, knowing she could take care of herself, but she couldn't help it when there was no response. With the building basically gone, she made it outside quicker than she did entering. The shots were closer, and she hid behind some rubble while she scanned the area.  

"Does anyone copy?" Steve repeated, more forcefully.  

There was a sharp intake of breath before harsh coughs in the comms, then static. "I—I'm good. I copy," Clint's strained voice came through.  

"Stark, Romanoff? Thor?" He was suddenly beside Victoria, crouching down as he waited for a reply.  

He was distressed and Victoria could relate to his plight. "Don't have a heart attack, Rogers. You know you're getting old."  

Victoria smiled, feeling some of the heaviness of her chest loosen, even without trying Tony always said the right thing. Steve sighed heavily, shaking his head. Well, he always said the right thing for Victoria to feel better. She raised her eyes to the sky where she suddenly heard his suit followed by roaring thunder where Thor emerged after him.  

They set off in different directions and Victoria turned back to Steve, having a silent conversation. Since the battle with Loki in New York, they had been on countless missions together for SHIELD, and now they could almost read each other's minds while out in the field. Victoria took off, following Thor who was closest to her while Steve followed Tony.  

There was still no word from Natasha, but Victoria knew Clint would be looking for her and she had to have faith that he would find her. She had a job to do, and she couldn't lose focus no matter what. She flipped what she called her 'task switch', putting all worrying thoughts out of her mind so she could focus on the task at hand.  

"This doesn't look good," Tony mumbled.  

Victoria picked up her pace as more gunshots sounded, hitting what sounded like metal. She heard thunder come from somewhere behind her, and soon she saw what Tony did, agreeing with his earlier comment. There were probably hundreds of Hydra agents, seemingly ready for war. Lightning soon came down, striking about a handful at once but the rest were still shooting at Thor while he used his hammer to dodge, and fly around them making himself a difficult target. 

After scanning the area for her best form of attack, Victoria charged through with her weapons out, taking Hydra agents out with ease. Almost like a dance, she glided through them, killing those who noticed her and using them as a shield as she killed those who noticed her too late.  

All her senses felt heightened as she made her way through, only taking a few bullets that healed almost right away. The smell of blood filled the air, and she could hear every gunshot fired by the agents and from her own gun clearer than ever. The knife in her other hand easily cut through the throats of the men she would choose as her next shield, shooting those around her before repeating this process. Soon, Thor joined her on the ground helping her take men out quicker with his hammer. She was almost jealous of what he could do with that thing.  

"There's too many of them!" Steve shouted.  

"Where's Barton and Romanoff?" Tony asked.  

"On our way!" Natasha finally replied.  

Just then, there was a loud roar that Victoria immediately recognized as the Hulk and he went past almost in a blur, taking out the rest of the men around her. She allowed herself a breath for only a moment before clearing out the stunned men that were left.  

Before she could really register what happened, she was in the air after someone grabbed her wrist. She looked up to see Thor before he dropped her a few feet off the ground where Tony and Steve were fighting. Thor dropped down, lighting following his path and striking men down a few feet around him. 

With the Hulk soon joining, the 5 of them worked around each other seamlessly, as if they were a part of a choreographed dance. Not too long after, there were arrows and bullets being shot one after another taking out more Hydra agents, signaling Clint and Natasha’s return. They worked like gears, handling the ambush with ease, and soon the hundreds of agents turned into measly dozens.  

"It looks like there's more coming," Tony announced.  

"How did they even know we were coming?" Clint groaned.  

"They must have been expecting it to happen sooner or later," Steve sighed.  

Victoria reasoned Hydra must have assumed that since taking them down within SHIELD, they would eventually find and take down any Hydra remaining. Their plan didn't seem to be working though as the 7 of them easily took out their hundreds. She suddenly felt a strong burst of wind almost knocking her balance off as Thor landed beside her.  

He had a broad smile and was breathing a little heavily. "I believe I lost my talking device," he said. 

Victoria chuckled while Steve laughed. "Hey Thor, I have an idea," Steve said walking up to him.  

Victoria left them to their planning, deciding to follow Tony and get an early attack on the oncoming Hydra agents. She was out of bullets leaving her guns useless and had to rely on her knives now which wasn't exactly a problem except for the fact that she was going to take a lot more damage. While it was something she was used to and capable of handling, it still had the ability to slow her down.  

Tony was blasting men left and right while Clint used his distance to his advantage, she knew this because she was suddenly finding arrows around and in men. The Hulk seemed to find something else that caught his immediate attention and when Victoria saw the tanks, she was grateful she wouldn't have to deal with those. She healed fast sure, but a shot from those still hurt like a bitch, she would know.  

"Mind some company?" came the all too familiar teasing voice of Natasha Romanoff. 

"I thought we'd lost you for a second there," Victoria said picking up a forgotten rifle from a dead agent.  

"Worried?" Natasha smirked. 

Victoria rolled her eyes but before she could say or do anything else, there was a loud bang leaving her ears ringing, and then a force so strong, it took out half the Hydra agents. When she recaught her balance, she looked around confused, only to see Thor lifting his hammer away from Steve's shield with a satisfied grin. Steve looked shocked before he nodded to himself. That must have been his idea.  

"Damn," Clint's muttered astonishment came through her ears.  

Everyone seemed frozen in shock, or awe, for a moment until the gunshots sounded again, spurring everyone back into action. Then there was a deafening roar and suddenly, a tank came hurling toward them. Victoria only had a second to think before she grabbed Natasha, pulling her into her chest and bringing them to the ground. The tank narrowly missed them, but took out the remaining Hydra agents, once again leaving everyone in stunned silence. 

Victoria's chest was heaving with adrenaline, and she looked around as she sat up, catching her breath. "I'm getting deja vu," Natasha said. Victoria looked down, suddenly remembering she had grabbed the redhead. She had that smirk on her lips that always tripped Victoria up, and it soon turned into the smile that always caught her fall. "Thanks by the way. I owe you one." 

Victoria only nodded, standing up and holding out a hand for her. She looked around as Natasha gripped her hand, seeing no imminent danger and without realizing it, flipped her switch back. As she pulled Natasha off the ground, her forgotten emotions rushed through her at once; fear, anger, hurt, love. So much love that it hurt. She swallowed thickly, suddenly more aware of the warm hand in her own and stumbled back slightly as the warmth disappeared. Her vision blurred for a moment and she had to regulate her breathing to bring herself back to earth. She was feeling strikingly out of place with everything suddenly running through her.  

"Uh...how do we get Banner back?" Tony asked, breaking through her fog. It was then that she saw the Hulk still stomping around, smashing tanks and kicking anything in his path. She didn't know the answer to that either.  

Victoria thought her heart could have stopped when she saw Natasha cautiously headed toward the angry green beast. "Nat," she hissed, moving to stop her but Natasha held a hand up, stopping her movements.  

"Hey big guy," Natasha called. 

Victoria gritted her teeth, wanting to go after her but not wanting to put her in any more danger by startling the Hulk. So, she stood helplessly as she watched Natasha approach him, holding out a hand as if he was just a skittish puppy. 

"Nat? What are you doing?" Clint's worried voice came through the comms. 

"I got it," she whispered back.  

The Hulk seemed to calm down for a moment, looking at Natasha over his shoulder and growling lowly. He exhaled and when he turned to fully face her, Victoria was sure her heart rate spiked. She almost jumped when Tony suddenly landed next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. It felt strange since he was still in his suit.  

"Don't worry, she seems to know what she's doing," he whispered to her.  

It didn't make her feel any better. "And if he decides to make her his next target?" 

"That's when you step in, right?" He chuckled, wrapping his arm around her, and pulling her into his side. 

"It's not funny, Tony." She tried to pull away from the metal digging into her rib, but he held her close.  

"Of course not but look it's working."  

Her jaw clenched when she saw it was in fact working, and the Hulk was turning back to Bruce, a very naked Bruce at that, and Victoria finally looked away. Tony took his arm from around her and squeezed her shoulder once before flying off. Not wanting to be around whatever was going on, she headed back to where they left the quinjet.  

"Good job team," Steve's tired voice came through the comms.  

"I need to sleep for at least a week," Clint groaned. 

"Don't be such a baby," Natasha chuckled.  

Victoria decided to take her earpiece out and finish her journey in silence. She needed to sort out her thoughts and emotions, which seemed like an impossible task at the moment. Nothing a good burger couldn't fix. Maybe she and Tony could get some when they got back. She hadn't seen Pepper in a while, so maybe they could stop by and see her too. She wouldn't want a burger though, maybe some chicken. Or a salad. 

Victoria shook her head. She wouldn't allow Pepper to only have a salad for a meal. Tony wouldn't either although he wasn't any better when it came to food. At least Pepper ate regularly, Tony could go days without food, being stuck in his lab. Pepper didn't let that happen often though, but sometimes she was too busy to make sure he ate. Maybe Tony should create something that would make sure he was taking care of himself. Like a... babysitter? No, he didn't need a babysitter. Or did he? She would probably joke about it with Pepper later.  

Victoria really wanted In N Out, or maybe Jack in the Box, two things New York didn't have. She sighed, missing California. It was nice there and their Mexican food was really good. Maybe they could convince Pepper to take a break and fly to Cali for a few hours. That would be fun, almost like a family outing. Family ? Victoria hadn't had a family since her mother sold her, and even before then, it wasn't as if her mother would be receiving any best mother awards, or even okay mother awards.  

Maybe it was best that she gave her away. She obviously didn't like Victoria to begin with and didn't protect her when kids at school bullied her for being weird. A freak. Instead of giving a time out or taking away toys as a punishment, she would starve her. For days. She also never had any toys to get taken away, all she had was a book given to her by her second grade teacher, "Grimm's Fairy Tales".  

She thought about its stories when she was being cut open and experimented on, but after a while, even her thoughts weren't enough to subdue the torture and she instead learned to flip everything off so she wouldn't feel it. That worked for a while until she couldn't turn it back on. By then, they started training her to fight, to kill, and to withstand torture. She was becoming a machine instead of a person and there wasn't anything she could do about it. 

At least until Ironman came and killed everyone. She was in her holding cell at the time, but she heard everything. He had let her out and brought her to a hospital, soon finding out about her regeneration powers. He didn't think she was weird or a freak, and he didn't want to experiment on her, never asked even to this day. He was just there because she didn't have anyone else, and she liked his humor. He joked and never tiptoed around her wondering if he said the wrong thing because nothing he said was meant to be offensive or mean.  

He got her an apartment and moved things into it for her, offered to introduce her to Phil Coulson if she wanted to use her abilities for good. She didn't want to at first and he didn't push. He introduced her to Pepper and Happy instead, making her a part of his life and before she knew it, she was no longer this thing, no longer a killing machine, she was just Victoria. And that was all thanks to Tony, she would never be able to repay him, not that he ever asked for anything in return, and she doubted he ever would.  

"Hey!" There was a hand in her face, snapping their fingers to get her attention. Victoria blinked a few times and realized it was Tony. "What's up with you?" 

"Huh?" She was still a little disoriented and she looked around realizing she was sitting in the quinjet and it was empty.  

"We're back home and I've been trying to talk to you. So was Thor, and I'm pretty sure you hurt his feelings ignoring him like that."  

"Home?" She was still confused. She didn't remember getting on the jet, let alone sitting through the ride.  

"Hey," Tony said more softly this time, kneeling to be at eye level with her. He was studying her, she could tell but he looked a little blurry through her eyes. She could see his frown though, which in turn made her frown. "Come on." 

He stood and grabbed her hand, pulling her up. She wobbled a bit, but he caught her, keeping her from falling forward. "I—I think I'm good now," she whispered.  

He ignored her and wrapped an arm around her waist as he led her out of the jet and onto the landing pad. She focused on her steps to make sure she didn't trip over herself. When they entered the tower, the cool air hit her warm skin and she sighed in relief. She hadn't even realized she'd been so hot. She suddenly felt exhausted and rested her head on his shoulder.  

"T-Tony?" she slurred, trying to thank him. He shushed her, softly kissing the top of her head and she closed her eyes knowing she was safe with him. 

~~~ 

She made it to the quinjet first and took the time she had alone to take a breather. That fight took a lot of her energy, although it was nothing a good burger couldn't fix. She sat in the cockpit so she could talk to Tony on the way back, maybe invite him and Pepper to lunch. Or would it be dinner by the time they got home? She soon heard a group of footsteps, signaling the team was near. She could hear Thor and Steve's conversation about future fighting tactics, and Clint asking Natasha what the hell she was thinking. Victoria wondered the same thing.   

"Vic, how you feelin’?" Tony asked as he plopped in the seat next to her.  

She shrugged, "Tired mostly. Wanna get burgers?"  

He smiled as if she had just come up with the best idea he ever heard. "A woman after my heart."   

He placed a hand over his chest and dramatically fell back making Victoria roll her eyes but she smiled anyway. "You think Pepper will take a break and join us?"  

He hummed in thought as he prepared the jet. "Maybe, but if not, we'll convince her."  

Victoria nodded and once they were in the air, conversation around them flowed, Steve trying to keep it business by discussing technique and scheduling team training, and Tony constantly budding in and talking about a party once they found the scepter.   

Victoria stayed silent, not liking the idea of training because of her past but also not wanting to attend a large party, although she knew it was just Tony looking out for her like he always did. Once conversation started to die down and exhaustion crept into everyone, Victoria settled in for a nap.  

She woke what felt like hours later, feeling a little disoriented and forgetting where she was for a moment. It was quiet, no subtle sound of the engine running, and she could feel that it wasn't moving so she assumed they were back. She opened her eyes to see someone standing over her.   

"Hey, sleepyhead," Tony said. She looked up being met with a smirk.   

"I don't like what your face is doing," Victoria mumbled sleepily.  

He only smiled wider, "Funny, I know a lot of women who would say the opposite."  

"Gross," she shuddered.   

He rolled his eyes and lightly pushed her shoulder before walking ahead. "Come on then. Burgers awaits us," he called over his shoulder.   

Victoria quickly pushed aside her grogginess and hopped down, following behind him until she caught up. "Did you already ask Pepper?"  

"No, she's working, unfortunately, but that's where your puppy dog eyes come in."He had a mischievous smile and while Victoria knew she was in on this plan, his supervillain grin still made her a little uneasy. She shook her head and followed him to the parking garage where his Audi waited.   

"How is she supposed to fit in here when we leave?" she asked as they got in.   

The car, as nice as it was, only had two seats and wasn't the best choice for a group activity, however, Tony only shrugged with a devilish smirk and Victoria started to wonder what exactly he had planned. She usually loved being a part of his random schemes that sometimes turned into crazy adventures, but she really just wanted a nice relaxing lunch with her two favorite people and to take a long nap afterward.   

They made it to Pepper's office building in less than thirty minutes, only because Tony drove as if he was the only one on the road, and entered through a hidden entrance so she wouldn't be told that they were there. After sneaking past her assistant, Tony found Happy, stopping for a conversation while Victoria snuck into Pepper's office. She would have kicked Tony out immediately before he could distract her, so Victoria was the best choice.   

Pepper looked up from whatever she was doing on her computer when Victoria opened the door, raising an eyebrow at her. Victoria smiled sheepishly, suddenly realizing she didn't have a plan in place to convince her to take a break. She closed the door and leaned against it.   

"Uh..." She cleared her throat. "Hey Pep, what ya doin'?"   

"Working," Pepper deadpanned and Victoria nodded. That was a dumb question.   

"Right. So, I just got back from...well that doesn't matter." Victoria waved her hand as if throwing away her sentence and walked further into the office. Pepper's eyes were on her, she looked almost amused. "How do you feel about lunch? With me and Tony?"   

Victoria smiled brightly then, hoping it would be enough to convince her. She could see the hesitancy on her face and before Pepper could speak, she quickly tried to think of what to say before she could decline. "I'm starving and... I haven't seen you in a while. Well...not really anyway. I miss you." She pouted and hoped Tony was right about her puppy eyes.   

Pepper seemed conflicted then and before she could give an answer, the door opened with Tony entering. "Hey, honey."   

Pepper sighed, exasperated but she still wasn't declining, so Victoria thought that was a win already. "You two do realize I run a billion dollar company. The last owner was very irresponsible, and I have to clean up years of inconsistencies."   

She gave a pointed look to Tony who feigned offense. "Excuse me, I was an excellent CEO."  

Pepper rolled her eyes but made no further comment. Victoria thought it'd be best if she stayed out of that particular argument. "Anyway," she cut in. "Pepper, will you please come to lunch with us? Please?"  

She batted her eyelashes, silently begging her to say yes with her eyes. She grinned when Pepper gave a defeated sigh and high fived Tony when she turned the computer off and stood. It looked like she'd be getting exactly what she wanted today.   

"Fine, what were the two of you thinking?" Pepper grabbed her purse and was putting things in it from her desk.   

"It's a surprise," Tony said before Victoria could answer. She looked at him confused and he only winked.   

The office door opened once again, this time revealing Happy. "It's ready."   

"Great!" Tony cheered, pushing Victoria forward. She stumbled a bit but caught herself, looking over her shoulder to see Tony guiding Pepper forward with a hand on her back.   

"Didn't have to push me," she grumbled.   

They followed Happy to the elevator but instead of pressing the ground floor to the parking garage, he took them to the roof. "Why are we going to the roof?" Victoria asked with a frown.  

"It's part of the surprise," Tony answered, winking with a smirk.   

Now Victoria was really confused because she thought they were just going for burgers. She was still frowning when the elevator doors opened revealing a running helicopter. She should have known nothing would be simple with Tony Stark.   

"Where are we going?" Pepper asked, sounding hesitant again.   

"To get burgers," he answered plainly.   

Pepper looked to Victoria for answers but all she could do was shrug since she also didn't know anything. She thought they would just be going to a burger place close by, but it was obvious Tony had other plans. They all clambered into the helicopter, Victoria first and then Pepper with Tony holding the door open.   

What a gentleman, she thought. He climbed in last, securing them inside, all the while with a mischievous smile. Victoria had been on the other end of his surprises enough to know that asking questions was useless. All they would get in response were vague responses and sly smiles. He was nothing if not unpredictably predictable.   

Four hours later, they were in Tony's jet landing in Tony's hangar located in California. The helicopter was just his way of showing off in Victoria's opinion, using it to take them to his hangar where they then transferred onto the jet and headed for another unknown destination. That destination was Los Angeles, which Victoria at once recognized.   

She couldn't complain about the unexpected plans, Tony definitely knew of her love for In N Out, which she constantly went to while they lived there. He brought her out there often, especially when she was having a hard time coping with her relationship— or non-relationship— with Natasha. It's where he would take her when he tried to convince her to leave her alone.   

An exasperated sigh brought her out of her thoughts. "Really Tony?"  

"You needed a break," he said quickly in his defense.   

"You always think I need a break," Pepper retorted.   

"Because you're always working hard," he said and then hastily added, "which is great." Pepper gave him an unimpressed look and he smiled awkwardly. "If I have to take a break, so do you."  

Victoria sometimes felt like a child watching their parents argue in moments like these and all she could do was sit quietly and wait for them to finish. She was glad she had never experienced a more serious argument between the two, and as always Pepper smiled slightly and looked away, the small argument coming to an end.   

"Fine, but I am not eating anything with grease."  

"We'll see about that," Victoria muttered, then smiled innocently when Pepper's eyes cut to her with a mock glare.   

By the time they made it inside In N Out, all earlier arguments or disagreements were forgotten, replaced with contentment. Victoria felt herself smile as she looked around the familiar restaurant and turned just in time to see Tony and Pepper wrap their pointer fingers together. Her smile widened and any doubts or worries Victoria had vanished for the time being.  

They ordered and of course, got special treatment because of Tony. Everything was made right away, their fries freash out the grease and their burgers freshly made. The delicious smells filled the small fast food establishment and Victoria was glad she suggested burgers to Tony.   

~~~  

Victoria woke up, confused and groggy. It was dark and she was warm, wrapped in a thick comforter. It smelled familiar, but she couldn't place it in that moment. She shifted to get into a more comfortable position, but she ended up colliding with another body. She groaned, annoyed but cuddled into whoever it was that smelled so good. 

"Hey there," a soft voice spoke with a chuckle.  

"Hmm?" Victoria was still confused and just wanted to go back to sleep. 

She felt fingers in her hair, raking through it softly and almost soothing her back to sleep. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this relaxed and wanted to stay in this spot forever. There was a soft sigh above her, and she cuddled further into the warm body. 

"Do I need to be worried?" Victoria recognized that voice, it was Tony. She opened her eyes, trying to adjust to the darkness, and saw his silhouette walking toward her. He turned on a lamp, leaning over the bed to look at her. "How are you feeling?" 

"Fine," Victoria mumbled.  

She sat up, finally recognizing the warm body as Pepper, and leaned back against the headboard. She couldn't remember how she got there, or back in New York for that matter. The last thing she remembered was walking back to the quinjet after the fight.  

"What are you thinking about?" Tony asked. 

"How did I get here?" She looked around seeing they were in her room Tony gave her at the tower. It looked different now since it got damaged during the fight with Loki but comforting all the same.  

"Uh, well I think you took a lot of damage in the fight today. You weren't looking too hot after, and I had to carry you up here. Then you wouldn't stop crying about needing Pepper so I asked her to come because you wouldn't calm down. When she got here, that's when you finally fell asleep." 

Victoria didn't remember any of that. She sighed and looked between Pepper and Tony who were both looking at her concerned. "Sorry," she finally said. 

Pepper only smiled and shook her head. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm just glad you're okay." 

"Yeah, and plus it could have been worse than you wanting to sleep with my girlfriend," Tony said and then laughed at his own joke.  

Victoria smiled, but she still felt as if she had done something wrong. Pepper must have been able to tell because she grabbed her hand and squeezed it which relaxed her a little bit. Tony soon climbed into the bed, sandwiching Victoria between them and that was when she finally felt like she could breathe normally. She didn't know how or when it happened, but they always made her feel safe and could calm her racing mind with their combined presence.  

The next hour was spent with Tony going into more detail on what happened after she passed out, or more accurately blacked out since she was apparently conscious enough to cry for Pepper like a baby. She would have been more embarrassed if she was with anyone else but between Tony's light teasing and Pepper's reassurance that it was okay, she was comfortable enough to laugh it off.  

She told them about the dream she had where they went to In N Out and Tony offered to take her when she was feeling better. Pepper even agreed to go with no convincing needed. She felt truly content in that moment, surrounded by the people who loved her most and she wondered if this was how children with loving parents felt. If it was, she could understand now why kids were so happy.  

"Why are you smiling like that?" Tony asked feigning disgust although his own smile gave away his true feelings. 

Victoria could only shrug. "Just happy, I think." 

"You think?" Pepper asked gently.  

Victoria looked down at her fingers, twisting them with a soft sigh. "I just..." she paused. She took a big breath before continuing, "I never really felt...loved before. I'm still getting used to feeling like...like I matter for just me you know?" 

Pepper nodded with a sad smile and Tony's jaw clenched. "You do matter Vic," he said staring at her intently. "And you deserve so much better than what Romanoff is giving you." 

Victoria softly sighed. He never missed a chance to tell her how he felt about the redhead. His protectiveness over her was endearing but she hated that she kept accepting the crumbs that Natasha left her only to cry about it to him later, but she just couldn't help but cling to the little bit of love she was offered.  

There wasn't much said after that, Pepper wrapped her up in a hug as if to protect her from Tony's words and Victoria soaked up any comfort she got. She still felt tired, but it wasn't like earlier, and she knew when she woke up the next day, she would be back to normal. At least what was normal for her, and after reassuring them that she was fine, Victoria finally convinced them to go to their own room so they could all get some much needed sleep.  

The next day, Victoria was up at 6am feeling ten times better and ready for whatever the day held. Usually, she would go for a run, but she wanted to avoid Steve in case her dream of his plans for training came true. No one except Tony knew much about what she went through, it wasn't something she really liked to talk about, but she'd rather avoid anything that would bring her back to that place if she could. So instead, she showered and snuck up to the roof where she often went to get away from everything.  

When Tony found out about her little getaway, he planted all kinds of different flowers for her to always see and she couldn't help but smile as she walked past the purple petunias. It was the only flower besides a rose that she knew. Natasha once picked a few of them for her while on a mission, saying they reminded her of Victoria, enchanting and graceful.  

However, when Victoria looked them up, she read that it was a flower you give to a friend or a colleague. Despite that, she kept the little flowers Natasha gave her for as long as she could, remembering the soft smile she had as she presented them to her. She never told Tony about that and was pleasantly surprised when she saw them on the roof the first time.  

Her watch vibrating on her wrist brought her reminiscing thoughts to an end and she sighed softly. She looked at the time, realizing it had been almost two hours since she came to the roof and Tony was calling her. "Where are you currently?" he asked as soon as she answered. 

"Why?" she asked back.  

"I have something to show you. Wanna see?" 

Victoria took one last look at the city below, everything seeming so small from how high she was. "Sure." 

"Okay. So go to my lab and grab Steve's shield and then meet me at the bar." 

Victoria frowned, none of those instructions seemed to correlate with the other but she knew it would probably make sense when Tony showed her whatever it was he wanted her to see. Or it wouldn't make sense at all, and he would have a dopey grin on his face while she looked at him like a lost puppy. 

"Uh...okay?" 

"See you in ten!"  

He hung up and Victoria stared at her watch for a few more moments before she shrugged to herself. She took the elevator that led to his lab, or more accurately labs. It was huge and instead of rooms being separated by walls, there was a bunch of different projects he had going that made it seem like they were each in a different room and then he had a smaller lab that was in a different room almost like his office but it was still big enough to fit half of his suits and little side projects that he didn't tell Pepper about.  

The elevator opened and she was met with a familiar perfume. She rolled her eyes at herself for being so familiar with the perfume Natasha wore, but after enough times of sleeping with someone surely that would be something one remembered. She nodded to herself and went further inside to find Steve's shield. For someone who tried to act as if he didn't care, Tony sure did a lot for the captain.  

"What do you mean?" Victoria paused when she heard an unexpected voice, well not entirely unexpected but she did forget that Bruce would likely be in there.  

"Just..." Victoria's blood went cold. "Different. It's not a bad thing."  

She knew that voice, that tone . She didn't stop to think why she smelled Natasha's perfume in Tony's lab but now she wished she did because she was frozen in place as she listened to Natasha flirt with Bruce. She was hidden by one of many of Tony's projects, she couldn't even try to imagine what it was or what it did. 

"I like that you're different. Sweet ." Victoria could picture the smile she foolishly let herself believe was just for her. 

She could physically feel her heart breaking, the pain in her chest making it difficult to breathe and there was no healing it this time. "I-I... I'm not." 

"You are. I never met anyone like you." She almost sounded shy, and Victoria felt like she was going to vomit. She never knew the redhead could be shy . 

"Well, I don't think there are many people that turn into a raging green monster," Bruce said with a self-deprecating laugh.  

"No," Natasha replied. "But you're more than that. You know that right? Besides...I'm pretty sure Hulk likes me. I wonder why." 

It was torture listening to Natasha like this. It was different than when she caught her flirting with her neighbor, it was more personal. It was all Victoria wanted from her and Bruce got it without even trying. She never talked with Victoria like this unless she was trying to bring her to an orgasm only to leave her alone afterward, probably so she could give everything Victoria wanted to Bruce. 

"I mean...you're you know," Bruce mumbled. He sounded awkward and uncomfortable, at least Victoria thought so until, "You're nice and... You must know you're pretty. 

"Just pretty?"  

"Well...ah." He chuckled and Victoria decided she had heard enough.  

She was lightheaded and sick. If she didn't leave now, the floor would be covered in the remains of her bleeding heart. She took a step back, and then two before she bolted back toward the elevator, smashing the button and willing it to come quicker. She was drowning in each breath that was more painful than the last, feeling cold and almost lifeless. When the elevator finally opened, she collapsed inside, using the wall to keep her upright. 

The deafening silence was roaring, and her limbs were basically useless as she tried and failed to coordinate her movements. She could barely move quickly enough to close the elevator to take her back to the roof. She heard absolutely nothing, not even her own breathing. She couldn't be sure if she was breathing at all. She put a hand to her heart to make sure she was still alive and felt her heart racing at an alarming pace.  

The elevator doors opened again, this time to the roof and she stumbled out trying to find the comfort the flowers usually brought to her. It didn't help at all, instead, she was suffocating around them, and when she saw the petunias that was when she finally broke. She collapsed on the ground, wrapping her arms around her knees as she sobbed.  

She cried harder than she ever cried before. Harder than when she begged her mother to not give her away, harder than the days spent being cut open and experimented on and the nights spent terrified of when they would start again, and harder than the other times she'd cried over the redhead. This was a pain so deep and agonizing, she never felt anything like it before and she wasn't sure if she would ever recover.  

If she could go back and do everything over, she would have never even looked at Natasha Romanoff. All those moments of happiness were not worth the pain she was currently feeling. She wasted years convincing herself that what Natasha gave her was enough and that she could be happy with crumbs. But what were crumbs when she gave the bread to someone else? 

As Victoria sat in front of the purple petunias, feeling broken and betrayed, sobbing into her knees, she felt her watch vibrating on her wrist. It was probably Tony calling to find out where she was. She pulled her head up, being blinded by the harsh sunlight and unable to see due to the tears that wouldn't stop. Before she could answer Tony's call, there was a sudden strong burst of wind that didn't stop, almost like a tornado.  

She looked up, seeing a clear sky but felt herself being sucked forward and that was when she saw it. Some sort of portal outlined in an orange light. She couldn't see what was on the other side and she tried to grab onto something to stop herself from falling through. Her body still felt weak, and she still couldn't see. Panic replaced almost everything she felt as she tried to reach for anything but found nothing but air. 

"No!" she screamed as she was eventually sucked into the portal, the last thing she saw was a blurry outline of the purple petunias before everything went black.

[kleverarachnid]

Prologue to a story I'm working on: Meredith/Addison

Meredith couldn't be sure if what she was feeling was real love or just intense lust. She'd been drinking a lot of tequila the night she met Addison, and tequila always made everything so porny, but she hadn't needed it again since then.

She'd sought out Addison time and time again without the help of tequila and her heart still raced, her mind still went blank whenever she was near, and she couldn't get enough of the sweet perfume she always wore. Meredith was addicted to her skin, her voice, her fingers that always knew just how to touch her.

Addison was a dream, a fantasy, an enigma that Meredith loved to unravel. She was funny with a dark sense of humor that matched Meredith's, she was smart—like really smart and she was kind to everyone she met. She liked heights and looking at the world through viewfinders—her favorite spot was the Empire State Building, though she wouldn't tell Meredith why.

She loved children, but never had any of her own because she was always too focused on her career and she was scared that she would soon find out that she couldn't have kids anymore and would have to regret not having any earlier. It was one of those things that kept her up at night, along with women who go missing never to be found again.

She ugly cried during sad movies except she still looked gorgeous when she cried, even when she had snot coming down her nose. She loved greasy food but liked to pretend she didn't and she hated icecream but that was something else she wouldn't explain why.

Addison was also married, had been for almost 11 years. Meredith couldn't imagine being with someone that long, going through different stages of life with that one person. It wasn't something Addison liked to talk about either, unless she'd been drinking, then she'd tell Meredith all about her husband who looked like Russel Crowe and treated her like a princess when they first started dating.

After a few more drinks, she'd blame herself for why everything stopped working between them; she didn't try hard enough, she let him cancel dates too often, she worked too many hours, she didn't tell him she loved him enough.

Then when she was completely drunk, ready to ugly cry, she'd admit that her husband didn't put any effort in either. He stayed at work most nights so she did too, not wanting to come back to an empty home. He often ignored her, whether she wanted to try and talk about their relationship or ask how his day was going. They were practically roommates who didn't speak, let alone sleep in the same bed anymore.

Meredith hated Addison's husband, for many reasons. She hated that he was the one Addison loved, she hated that he got to her first, but most of all, she hated him for having such a wonderful woman as his wife and not cherishing her the way she deserved to be cherished.

She hated him everytime Addison shed a tear over him, and she hated him everytime she found herself wanting more with Addison but knowing it would never work because she still loved him.

As much as Addison talked about her husband, she never mentioned his name, not even when she was so drunk that all she could do was cry against Meredith's shoulder. She had also taken down any photos of him in the house, or maybe there were never any there to begin with, but all Meredith had to work with was what Addison told her. And Meredith hated him for that too.

"You must think I'm a terrible person," Addison rasped.

Meredith swallowed, kissing Addison's knuckles and squeezing her hand tighter against her chest. They were laying in bed together, naked wrapped up in the sheets. Addison was sat up against her fancy headboard that cost more than Meredith's car and Meredith laid with her back against her chest, their legs laid out in front of them.

"No," Meredith whispered.

She hated the way Addison thought about herself. She wished she could show Addison the way she saw her, shine light on all her qualities that made her fall in love in the first place. At least what she thought was love, she couldn't be completely sure, but she definetely felt something.

"I'm a mess." Addison leaned down slightly, kissing Meredith's hair. "I'm married," she said softly. "And yet, here I am..." Her arms moved to wrap around Meredith's waist, tightening, and despite the cruel reminder of her marital status, Meredith couldn't help but melt into her touch.

"He doesn't deserve you," she murmured.

Addison scoffed, then chuckled like Meredith was a kid that said something naive. "You don't know that."

Meredith tilted her head back, trying to look into Addison's eyes as best she could with the angle. "I do," she said sincerely. "You're...you are better than you give yourself credit. The whole world couldn't deserve you, let alone him."

Addison was silent at first, her eyes misty. She smiled like it hurt and Meredith knew then that nothing she said could make her understand. "You don't even know why he left me."

"Whatever the reason, it doesn't change the fact that he didn't deserve you in the first place."

Addison hummed, taking in her words. Her fingers traced a pattern across Meredith's stomach, leaving goosebumps behind. "You always say the sweetest things to me."

Now feeling shy, Meredith mumbled, "I'm just telling the truth."

"I know."

It had been almost a month of this. Early mornings, late nights, talking and not so much talking. Meredith had never opened up so much to another person, but with Addison it was like she just couldn't stop. She made her feel safe, wanted, and cared for. It was a new feeling, but one that was so intoxicating, she couldn't help but fall into it completely.

She even told her about her mother and her alzheimers. Addison was the first person Meredith confided in about it, and telling her took such a heavy weight off her chest. She felt like she was drowning in the secret her mother made her keep, but being able to share it with Addison had let her finally come up for air, even if just for a moment.

It was always like that with Addison, being able to breathe after suffocating for so long. It was another thing that made her so addicting, but it also made her dangerous, except Meredith had to admit she always liked a little danger. Maybe that was what drew her in, in the first place, because she knew that it could only end one way. Meredith always knew there was something wrong with her, but when she was with Addison, that thing that made her dark and twisty went away, even if it was only for a few hours.

~•~

It was around the sixth week mark when it all fell apart. Meredith knew she would have to leave New York soon, her internship at Seattle Grace would be starting soon and she couldn't do it across the country. Despite that, she also really didn't want to leave.

The past few weeks with Addison had been unreal, like they were in their own bubble where the rest of the world didn't exist. She liked it, more than that, she loved it. And she loved Addison, like really really loved her. Like a cheesy romcom, shout it from the rooftops, and play a love song from a stereo outside her window kind of love. It was lame and embarrassing but it was how she felt.

They never talked about what would happen when Meredith left, if they would keep in touch or never speak again and only have the memory of these last 6 weeks. Meredith didn't like the idea of never seeing or talking to Addison again, but she didn't want to be clingy when she had no right to be.

Addison hadn't talked about her husband since their conversation two weeks ago and it sometimes felt like they were actually dating and maybe Addison could love Meredith too. But she also knew that was likely just wishful thinking.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Addison murmured against her skin, pulling her closer against her.

Meredith had stayed over—again—and they'd had a late night—again. "It's almost 1pm." Meredith giggled when Addison kissed a ticklish spot on her neck.

"Mmm, well." She kissed that spot again, sucking lightly. "Good afternoon then."

Meredith sighed, tilting her head slightly to give her more access. "I'm hungry." Addison laughed against her, light and carefree. It made Meredith smile to hear the sound, she loved Addison's laugh and she loved how freely she did so. She liked to think that it was because of her that Addison was able to laugh like that.

"Already? We only stopped a few hours ago."

"Addison!" Meredith shrieked. They laughed together, rolling around in the sheets, messing up the bed even further. "I meant real food," she chided. Then she turned to face her, putting on her best puppy eyes. "Will you make me some pancakes?"

Addison smiled, her eyes crinkling at the sides, and her laugh lines showing around her mouth. She brushed some hair behind Meredith's ear, her finger tracing her cheek. "For you? Anything."

Meredith's breath stopped. She stared at the redhead that laid before her, so imperfectly perfect and wonderful. The way she said it, so softly with reverence and fragility had Meredith wondering if it was a confession. Did she feel the same? Did she not want their time to come to an end either? "Anything?"

Addison sighed, almost longingly, as she examined Meredith in the way she did sometimes. She would search her eyes, memorizing them and smile as she took in the rest of her face. Addison liked Meredith's nose, she said it was cute and the first thing to blush when she got shy, and she loved when it would bump against her clit when Meredith was eating her out. She reached for her hair again, smoothing it down and tracing her jaw as her eyes followed the path of her finger. They were in a bubble again, sealed tight where no one and nothing could interupt them.

As Addison slowly leaned in, all Meredith could think of was the overwhelming feeling of love she felt in that moment. And as their lips met, she sighed against Addison, threading her fingers through her hair and deepening the kiss, morning breath be damned. Addison moaned, pulling her closer and Meredith was losing air, her mind getting fuzzy and she thought she might pass out. When Addison pulled back, they were both breathing heavily, Addison's eyes were almost pitch black, barely a slither of green able to be seen.

"Fuck," Meredith panted. "I love you."

She felt Addison tense against her and Meredith's blood went cold. Her hands that were holding Meredith for dear life went slack and she began to pull away. "I—"

"Shit." Meredith sat up, pushing her hair back and pulling the sheet against her naked body, suddenly modest. "I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"No," Addison mumbled, sitting up as well. "It's...it's fine. I just..."

She avoided Meredith's eyes while Meredith desperately tried to catch her gaze, needing to know what she was thinking. She hadn't meant to say that out loud, but now that it was out there she wanted to know what Addison was thinking.

She bit her lip, her grip on the sheet tightening as Addison didn't say anything else. "A-Addie?"

Addison blinked and finally looked at her. Her expression was unreadable, but her eyes were wide and she couldn't keep Meredith's gaze for long. "Sorry. I—I—" Her voice cracked in the way it did right before she started crying.

Usually, Meredith would be quick to comfort her, but she didn't know if she could handle the reason for her tears. Meredith's heart raced while her chest ached. She knew what Addison was going to say, knew that it wasn't going to be anything she wanted to hear.

She always knew it would end like this and she kept going back anyway. Maybe she was a masochist, maybe she really was naive, but she hadn't expected it to hurt so much.

"Meredith," Addison hiccuped. "I'm sorry."

"I know," she said numbly.

Like an idiot, she leaned forward to comfort her anyway only for her to flinch away from her touch. Meredith had to admit that really fucking hurt. Her bottom lip trembled as she fought not to cry. She looked around the room for her clothes that had been strewn everywhere the night before, sliding out the bed and gathering her things.

"I...Meredith, I can't. I—" Addison hadn't moved from her spot, just stared at her with those same sad eyes.

There was something beautifully tragic about the way Addison cried and the way her tears traveled down her cheeks in agonizing lonliness. She cried like a mournful poem while looking like an angel that lost its wings, and it wasn't fair.

Meredith got dressed, painfully slow still seceretly hoping that Addison would suddenly realize that she couldn't stand to let her leave. But instead, she only cried harder like she knew she had to let her go. Meredith didn't understand why she got to cry when Meredith was the one whose heart was being broken.

"Just—" She flung her jacket on the chair, suddenly indignant. "Tell me why," she demanded.

Addison sniffled, looking away. "I'm married."

"You're separated," she snapped. "Where has he been the last six weeks?"

"It was my fault!" she yelled. "Meredith, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...this was a mistake."

Meredith's mouth dropped. A mistake? She called the last six weeks of opening up, baring her soul, and intimate sex a mistake? "That's..." Meredith didn't have the energy to yell, if she raised her voice she would cry and wouldn't stop. She didn't want to cry in front of Addison right now. "Are you serious?" she whispered.

Addison was still looking at her with those damn sad eyes. It almost broke her. "I made a vow."

"A vow?" Meredith scoffed.

She couldn't be serious, where was that vow the last six weeks she'd spent with Meredith? Where was it when she was crying Meredith's name as she came, riding her hard and fast as Meredith sucked marks into her skin. She wanted to talk about a vow? That vow didn't mean shit the past few weeks she had Meredith in the bed she used to share with him.

When she felt her throat start to burn, she swallowed thickly and reached for her jacket again. "You know what? Fuck you."

[kleverarachnid]

Hi...👉👈

I like to read and write fan fiction.. My favorite fandoms right now are Marvel(I love all the marvel women), Once Upon a Time(SwanQueen), and sometimes Grey's Anatomy(Meredith and Addison have my heart).

I'm a woman loving woman so if you have any suggestions please give them to me. Or if would like to see some of my writing, I have some things posted on AO3, but I want to start posting here too.