kumabeom - Tumblr blog

[kumabeom]

i wonder if making promises would make me more productive

[kumabeom]

crushitis

i was talking to my crush about different artists , so i ask him if he's heard of NIKI , the indonesian artist. he tells that hes heard of her songs only two of them tho , every summer time and lowkey , but i tell him i've heard of her other songs and i started listening to her because of this one song of hers . i had forgotten the name , so i went like on describing the mv saying it had everything blue in it , i went on insisting that it was something with shades of blue and then he actually sits there scrolling through NIKI's channel for the song naming each one of them as he finds them and then moves on to search for just NIKI something blue and we finally find the song. It was indigo.

[kumabeom]

just realised i'm actually not comfortable writing angst but i can pull it off. i'm more comfortable writing dreamy things about dreamy people.

[kumabeom]

sweetener |lee heeseung part 4

Yeonjun didn't do well with abstinance. It was a part of his relationship that he needed to address and he was not the best at it. he walks beside his girlfriend inside the cold airport quietly stealing glances of her. she had just woken up from her nap , her eyes barely open.her puffy cheeks make her look extra extra cute under the bright lights above them. she holds her flight ticket and passport between her fingers and drags her suitcase behind her.

" so , are we really abstaining? ",asks Yeonjun observing his shoes down , walking beside her.

" we are ", she replies without turning towards him.

" for how long do you want to do this ? ", he gulps before glancing at her.

" for as long as i want to , Yeonjun " , she declares sighing.

Yeonjun knew messed up real bad , but he didn't realise it was that bad to point that she refused to have sex. he was running in circles to figure out what he did wrong. on one hand he accepts dating is hard , it takes a lot of love and effort to commit to someone and the fact he was just very complex to understand. she was nothing less either. his relationship was still a mess if she didn't verbally tell him what was going with her. It wasn't easy for him to communicate either because he was dealing with his own emotions and he didn't want to pour it out infront of her , he just didn't want to make it all about himself , but he was terrible at it aching for her to cling onto him , to fix him. 

" Hyuna , can i hug you atleast? " , he quickly reaches out for her wrist and slowly tugging onto her hand for permission.

Those words resonate in her head as it reminds her of their long distance for year. Yeonjun was on tour for 6 months the previous year. It was the first time he was away from for so long. it was extremely hard for her to continue doing long distance. she couldn't eat nor sleep because of the guilt of not being able to see him. she would often have nightmares about losing him to a bad flight , often desperately calling him because she needed to hear his voice to confirm he was alright. It arised because of the trauma of losing her own mother to an accident. she had developed an intense attachment with him and began accompanying him on his tours.

It had been an year since they began dating and by then ,  Joohyun was in ugly tears waiting for him in the dressing room of the concert venue desperately wishing that he'd look at her once after he returned.

Yeonjun wasn't deliberately abstaining from her. he needed to focus on his rehearsals and train himself to maintain his stamina through a 3 hour concert. It was extremely hard for him to deal with his own fragile emotions after terrible jets lags. he was afraid that he might end up taking out his frustration on her.

he would often return exhausted in bouts of sweat dripping down his forehead and collapse on the floor gasping for air in the dressing room. two large respirators would be shoved into his face to recover. It was no time to ask him to have sex , he was literally on the verge of losing his life. she knew she was being selfish about it , but she couldn't help it either.

she had never ever been so desparate before , he was tugging on her arms with his head on her lap catching up on his breath. he pushed himself up repelling her arms apart to sit infront of her. she watched him tug on the hem of his shirt and rip it apart from his skin to expose his bare chest. he cruelly stared at her weeping continously,  with dead expressions on his face strongly abstaining from touching her. dark circles had become prominent on her face  , she had lost so much weight and barely smiled ever since he began touring. he knew he was being extremely harsh with her but she had to learn to sit through her urges.

"Hyuna, you need to sit through it", he breath hushed with each word commanding her.

perhaps she was young back then , in the most confusing phase of her life and he was frustrated about not being able to give his best on the stage.

It was a tough time for both of them.

she was now more mature and had a strong self control over herself. she remains quiet and her silence answers for her.

Yeonjun squeezes her hand accepting her decision. although he was heartbroken , he forces a smile as he turns towards her.

"we depart here", he informs as they reach the point where they could no longer walk together ahead.

she presses her lips together as she nods her head in reponse. her hand is still tagged with his until the last moment.

she turns towards him before leaving , "Thanks for the flower bracelet,rockstar"

Yeonjun bursts into a wide smile giggling.

"always. I'll be watching, cutie ", he replies , literally subliming in love as he watches her hand slide off from his.

he watches her leave without bidding him goodbye. while for Yeonjun it mattered saying goodbye , Joohyun was okay even without it . she could deal with it. Yeonjun was still learning not to think much about soundless goodbyes though it was hard for him. according to Joohyun , he just needed to get used to it.

-

someone who looking forward to Yeonjun's goodbye was Beomgyu. he chose to walk forward on his own leaving the couple alone ended up boarding the plane on his own. he was still delighted at the fact that Joohyun's seat was right next to his considering they were from the same company.

he bagged the first class window seat with his crush next to him. he was no longer sad that he didn't recieve a goodbye. he was travelling to another country without the rest of his group for the first time , at first the thought of it made his stomach flush , but he also realised Joohyun was alone as well. atleast he could rely on his members to calm his pre performance palpitations , but she faced it all on her own ever since she debuted as a soloist. he wondered how hard it must have been for her to go through it alone , that bubbling sugarrush before performing on stage with no one by her side to experience it.

Joohyun was strong , she was humbly strong. he observes her doze off before the plane takes off . her earphones are plugged in her ears . her undereyes flush red , the paper thin skin on her puffy cheeks. her jaw remains naturally clenched. it didn't mean she was frustrated , it was just how she was most of the times. he notices the small piercing mark on her nose. he was particularly not a fan of nose piercings , but he believed it cool on her although personally he could never think of getting one . she opens her eyes slowly turning towards him , instantly causing him to terminate his thoughts about her . he goes blank as she leans towards him.

"do you wanna listen? " , she asks plugging out one of the bud out.

" yeah, yeah sure ", he replies delighted recieving it with a smile on his face. if he couldn't already tell , his heart was yelping in euphoria. he was so happy that she considered sharing her earphones with him.

he scoots close to her plugging the earbud in his ear mindful of the length of the wire between them. the earbud is slightly uncomfortable to wear because of the size and the loud volume causes him to switch the earbud to his other ear. however still static , he holds the earbud trying to secure it in the best position he could . she notices him struggle and leans closer to his side considering how short the wire was between them.

" are you comfortable with the left side ? ", she enquires , and on seeing him nod , she immedietely raises up to switch seats with him. she gives the left side of the earbud to him and plugs the other in her left ear minimising the length between them. he struggles to keep the earbud still because of the turbulance and despite his several tries , he fails on his attempt to listen music with her.

" is it too small..for you? " , she asks him drawing a possible conclusion from his struggle. he nods pressing his lips together and timidly hands the other earbud to her. he couldn't hide the fact.

" do you have your own that want to use to share with me? ", she asks him yet again and this time he doesn't raise his eyes to capture her delicate expressions. a small sigh escapes his lips as he nods his head in denial. although he loved the offer , he owned a pair of headphones not suitable for two. he now considers the desperate need to buy one , just so he could share it with her next time.

she raises up again to switch seats with him. before plopping down on her seat , she makes an eye contact with Heeseung two seats behind her in the same row.

since it was a overnight flight , there were significantly less number of passangers in the first class section with barely any in between them.

Heeseung stands up from his seat and rests his elbow leaning forward , "what the fuck are you two doing? "

" nothing , he was just uncomfortable sharing earphones ", she explains turning her head towards him to meet eyes. Heeseung gives no attention to what she had to say.

"Hey , Hyuna", Heeseung calls, the tone of his voice already indicating that he was bored.

"get over here. Let's play UNO" , he invites her flashing a twinkling smile on his face.

"You have UNO cards? ", she tugs on the backrest lifting her knees on the seat climbing on the seat like a toddler as she looks at him wrapping her arns around the backrest. Heeseung looks excited , so does Sunghoon next to who lifts the cards up to show for proof , he also seemed determined to win.

she was fascinated at the fact that vampires found human games entertaining. she drums on the back rest pondering for a moment. she was tired and needed to rest , but she wanted to join the game as well.

Heeseung's smirk enough convinces her. "Lets gooo", she smacks the backrest excited as she climbes down the seat. before taking a step forward , she turns towards Beomgyu once , " wanna tag along? they won't bite " , she shoots out her finger at him.

"I will most definitely bite you if you come last , Joohyun Han ", Heeseung teases , winking at her.

"I'd like to see you try", she snaps back with a fierce reply , and turns towards Beomgyu for his answer.

"I'm a bit a tired , go ahead without me", Beomgyu replies smiling awkwardly. how he wishes he had a better tolerance to sleep , or the energy to talk snappy like his friends. he was the opposite of his friend group , shy and reserved and his energy drained out quicker than it did among his members.

he extends his hand out gesturing for her earphones. she lends it to him without hesitation. he does not use it to listen but gently winds the wire together carefully hoarding it in his hand. If not sharing the earphones with her , he could feel the warmth of the earphones in his hand imagining her in his head.

"alright , goodnight", she smiles terminating the conversation on a sweet note.

Beomgyu was satisfied he got his farewell. he rests his head on the backrest , slowly closing his eyes as he hears Joohyun get more and more talkative with the vampires in the back.

The game continues for a long time overnight until they boarded off the plane.

" BURNNN , here's another +4! ", Joohyun laughs placing her fifth special card in the pile.

" how long is your revenge for that one +2 earlier?! ", Sunghoon , who seemed the most affected by her special card pulls , scowls.

"Hurry up you punks, we need to get off ", Heeseung announces gathering the remaining pile of cards . Sunghoon and Joohyun both equally competitive , hold four and two cards respectively. Joohyun places her card forward , panic yelling UNO to avoid getting a penalty.

Sunghoon plays smart , adds one block card and places another card in finish his turn. she places her last and only card next smoothly finishing the game.

" I WON!! ", Joohyun screams in victory.

" You came second ", Heeseung corrects collecting the rest of the cards back into the pack.

"shush", she plops down on the seat glaring at him in exhaustion. while he looked just as fresh when he boarded the plane midnight , she had visible dark circles carved under her eyes. it was technically not so bright outside , it was approximately around 4 or 5 in the morning. his face glows in the dull splinter of light emerging from the window.

"do you know how hard it was to finish all my special cards??" , she groans raising up from her seat as Heeseung was done.

Sunghoon rolls his eyes as she catches up to him , " do you even know how frustrating it was to get all those fucking special cards?? HUH?"

" I wouldhavelegit won if I hadn't forgotten to say UNO two rounds ago ", he continues debating with her as she chuckles walking beside to him. he bumps into him teasingly.

" what now? ", Sunghoon pauses , immediately turning suspicious. his princely features makes Joohyun smile.

"The loser has to give me a ride " , she cutely confesses her request. she could definitely use a ride to beat her fatigue.

"a game is a game, Hoonie", Heeseung walks past him with his hands in his pockets , exiting the scene dramatically with an attractive smile on his face.

"Okay, fine ", Sunghoon groans. he bends down for her to climb on his back. he holds her legs still around his hips , feels her arms wrap around his neck. he lifts her up once to secure his grip and she crashes against him because of the force.

Sunghoon bursts into a smile bending forward to let her recover from the hit on her head. he somehow liked his penalty. she was as light as a feather on his back , warm and tiny , extremely clumsy like a toddler as though he was the dad. he didn't quite frame what he felt when he was with her , from deliberately not playing the right card just to see her smile to pretending to be annoyed because of her shitty card pulls only made his dead heart evoke something passionate for her.

"Ow", Joohyun slides down to stand on her feet, massaging her hurt forehead. she was dizzy from not sleeping overnight. she still had time however , to catch up on two or three hours of sleep until the rehearsals and the final performance.

" go. I'll come on my own ", she demands gesturing him to leave.

Sunghoon had not a single ounce of patience in his remaining surviving organs , he relied on his hypothetically beating heart , and did what his heart found right. he wraps his hand around her back and legs immediately lifting her up in his arms bridal style.

she yelps in surprise upon being lifted off the ground. she observes his face up close , his serious eyebrows , his eyes bear fierce crimson irisies , he bites his lower lip in sudden rigidness. she had never seen him turn so serious in a split second.

he feels her gentle gaze on her. he could feel the warmth radiate from her her face , the subtle changes in her expressions from feeling her pulse lub dub on contacting her wrist , her timid efforts to dodge his strong gaze on her . he could tell why Yeonjun was so loyal to her.

"What the fuck are you planning to do?" , she turns towards him confused because he was just staring at her.

she demands for an explanation through her eyes. he feels so connected with her , her touch feels so electric , so magnetic on his skin. he wanted to bask in it forever.

" a game is a game , Hyuna ", his thin lips lift up for a proud smile and walks her ahead before she could process it.

[kumabeom]

sweetener.| lee heeseung part 3

People like Yeonjun made girlfriends like Joohyun , stubborn and strong. the bus arrives soon after. the automatic door swings open inviting the passengers aboard. Yeonjun immediately pockets his craft and rushes to help his girlfriend lift the suitcases inside. she refuses him by asking him to move. still not convinced by this , he blocks her way and insists on carrying it for her , " babe , let me help you "  

"I can do it on my own" , she resists him and attempts to lift the suitcase. he stumbles forward trying her best not to drop it. stepping backwards with his eyes fixed on her , she just didn't want to disturb him again. his back collides with the body of the bus next to the door. he watches her thin frail arms struggle to lift the suitcase inches up from the ground and walk forward stumbling with each step. sure he admired that she wanted to prove she was strong , but still his super strong invincible girlfriend could use his hand. 

" mhm? " , he turns towards her , still rooting for her to agree to him. she somehow makes it to the stairs and plops the suitcase on the lowest stair of the bus exhausted.

she denies nodding her head. she feels out of breath as she lifts it up on the second staircase. Yeonjun climbs the bus after her and slides his arm on her hip to support her from behind incase she falls. Beomgyu who had climbed the bus first , walks back towards her extending his hand forward for help. she finally hands the suitcase to him instead and climbs the remaining stairs. Yeonjun follows her without a word ,  he feels an irresistible urge to kiss her for proving her strength. he slides his hands around her hips lightly leaning forward to peck on her neck. she moans feeling hot plump lips on her neck and struggles pushing him apart. on finally stumbling out of his embrace , she stomps forward visibly annoyed because of him. the silent bus hears the authoritative sound of her pumps hitting the metal , soon prompting the rest of the passengers to go 'ooo' in harmony.

she maintains a serious face until she walks towards a very particular someone seated on the corner seat , second last from the end . his hand supports his chin as sharp gaze remains down , he swung his leg on top of the other with his pointed hoot shooting out to block her way. he has soft purple hair groomed  , an ethereal being with a nebula of charms. his arrogance does nothing to Joohyun.

“move , Lee Heeseung”, she demands , gazing at him fiercely.

laughter erupts behind her , yet she chooses to remain calm until he moved. the one who laughs the loudest , is also the most breath taking amongst them all. he was just as gorgeous as the moon , black bangs guard his exposed forehead , he has a criminally attractive smile and point vampire incisors peek when he smiles. his name is Sunghoon , with the prefix idol.

“ she said move ”, Sunghooon laughs , finds immense pleasure teasing Heeseung.

Heeseung is a mess within a few seconds and his facial muscles ease for a sheepish smile. he raises up from his seat to make way for her extending his hand to guide her next to him.

she plops down on the window seat satisfied. she observes him walk sit back in the seat and has another question waiting for him.

“do i look good with my hair down or up? ”

“ either ”, he replies while stripping his long beige coat down.

“ I like my hair up ”, she adds before cozily leaning behind on the back rest.

Heeseung bursts into a smile dumbfounded , “ why do you even bother asking? ”

“ It's fun , i like that you're honest with me” , she smiles. she was as clumsy as ever. he notices her wipe her hands on her on her pants and finds her cute. he drops his coat on her lap  , raising up to reach for the luggage compartment.

Yeonjun finds a window seat next to timid Beomgyu  next to window. he pulls put his flower twine before taking his seat. he feels a tap on his shoulder as he pulls his out his hand from his pocket.

“ mr . christian grey, you can't fuck in our bus”, Sunghoon warns .

“ but i didn't ”, Yeonjun had to say , except he wasnt expecting another response from the seater next to him.

“ but you did , you kissed Hyuna on the neck ” , a fine man named Jake interrupts him.

“ can..i not kiss my girlfriend ? ”, Yeonjun asks confused , slightly intimidated because of his gaze.

“ Christian , Thats the point. a rule is a rule , you can't kiss in our bus ”, a bubbly blond boy named Sunoo informs pouting his ruby lips forward.

“ Okay, but my name is Yeonjun. why do you still insist on calling me Christian ? ”, Yeonjun glances at each of them utterly clueless.

“alright , alright , That's how you want it ”, Sunghoon remarks as his eyes glance on him , “ listen here, don't act innocent ”

Heeseung plops down on the seat with an average sized bagpack on his lap. he zips it open to pull out a packet of a wet tissues and hands it to her. Joohyun smiles before lifting the packet upto her lap.

Yeonjun completely turns to sit facing Heeseung behind him.

“ my dear friend ”, Heeseung addresses him with a smile  as he clasps his hand for a friendly shoulder bump between seats. he feels relieved on seeing his friend , although he was a lot closer to his girlfriend than he was. he was still on good terms with him , often got together for drinks and smoke. Beomgyu however remains quiet and decides not to speak until he was spoken to. he was just extremely shy among the vampires. he wasn't scared of them , but he was definitely not as comfortable as Joohyun was with them. The bus felt was hot inside , perhaps since he figured out the heater was on. his sideburns already feel damp in the a closed space , and sweat trickles down his forehead.

“here”, Joohyun calls for Beomgyu's attention holding a wet tissue close to his face.

“ i have a water bottle with me , ask me if you want some”, she reminds him before he recieves it without completely turning around.

“Thanks”, he smiles stupidly turning towards her. he was glad that he felt included because of her.

“ honestly speaking , i haven't watched fifty shades of grey ” , Yeonjun giggles sheepishly admitting the truth. it wasn't his last resort in defense considering how unbothered he was with pressure of watching popularly known things , although he was at par with the trends he just couldn't find time to indulge in movies since in forever.

“ dude you have to be kidding me , he's ridiculous ”, Jake comments , turning towards Joohyun in disbelief.

“whoa, he's a legend”, Sunoo adds in awe at the same.

“ I've heard about it , but i actually never considered watching it ”, Yeonjun explains , now slightly concerned because of their reactions. he still maintains his cool and boldly replies , “ and I'm not gonna watch it ”

“ imagine saying that in your 20's ” , Sunghoon rolls his eyes  leaning behind to rest on the backrest. Yeonjun was still his favorite guest to bother , he rarely took an offense and giggled when he spoke. 

“ exactly , he's seasoned enough to watch it ”, Jake remarks.

“ or maybe he's just being loyal to Hyuna ”, Sunoo terminates the chatter.

“ we'll peer pressure you  into watching it , Hyung ”, Beomgyu who sat next him listening adds in a small voice chuckling ever so awkwardly because he had nothing else engaging to talk among vampires , what else did vampires talk about to entertain themselves , love? sex? blood? he didn't have the slightest clue.

“ no way , I'm not going to watch it ”, Yeonjun declares chuckling cutely. whatever Jake meant by being seasoned , like chicken seasoned or pasta seasoned. the thought of the food however makes him hungry.

“ seriously? You're unbelievable ”, Heeseung remarks , laughing in disbelief.

“no one's gained anything from watching that movie anyways  ”, Joohyun raises up to hold Yeonjun's cheek and swipes the wet tissue on his sideburns. he gazes into his girl's eyes , with a smile glistening on his face upon realising that she wasn't mad at him. his loving gaze doesn't budge from her , he smootly communicates the need to kiss her by biting his  lower lip. she abstains from the urge and starves him of affection before plopping back on the seat.

“ You love that movie, isnt it? ” , Heeseung turns towards her , not meaning to tease her.

“I never said that ”, she admits confidently , gazing into his luring irises slowly glancing at his soft lips and back to his eyes.

“ I can read your mind, you kinky shit ”, he smirks breaking his gaze unsoliciated.

“I like the plot”, she adds slowly resting her head on his cold shoulder. she lets herself relax for a moment in bliss before opening her eyes to look at Yeonjun infront of her.

his lips lift for a smile , “ babe , i have a surprise for you ”

It doesn't excite her more than being close to her best friend. it was her free will to rest her head on his shoulder. she liked it and had a reason to continue doing it. she didn't have to explain having a romantic relationship with Heeseung when they were clearly platonic  , she could to extremes to a defend her friendship.

Yeonjun was okay with it. He also had a couple of female friends he occasionally hung with for beer and dinner. Heeseung was an old companion of his ever since his debut and before , he had a good bond with him and even considered him his best friend.

he gently guides her hand close  carefully wrapping the twisted flower twine around her wrist. he spends a couple of minutes concentrating on holding the flower stems in place as he secures the twine with a gentle but rigid knot. he kisses the back of her hand satisfied. his lips lift for smile , adoring his little gift for her .

“ the ring was too difficult to make , so i made you a bracelet instead, hope you like it darling ”, he explains , not quite sure how she would react to it.

she remains in the same position seeking the warmth she missed ftom his embrace. she gently lifts her hand up on his cheek softly running her thumb on his plump pink lips. he pouts his lips forward to kiss her thumb. she smiles faintly sliding her hand down his chin as she glides it up Heeseung's chest and rests it on his shoulder cuddling into his freezing cold body. he sneaks his hand around her waist , her gentle gaze on Yeonjun distracts him.

“ It's beautiful , baby ”, she replies , genuinely impressed by his little gift. she observes the bracelet her wrist with mixed emotions and soon falls asleep tired as the bus moves ahead.

-

[kumabeom]

sweetener .| lee heeseung part 2

To. X by Taeyeon

Yeonjun hops in the car anyways. The couple stood waiting at the deserted bus stop that evening. The sun sets earlier than usual. It gets unusually darker as the rain clouds hover in the atmosphere. Joohyun reaches out for her wired earphones in the front pocket of her jacket , plugs each of the bud in her ear to seek the warmth of the music. sometimes she didn't understand Yeonjun , specifically , she didn't know how to react to his actions. she found them amusing , perhaps even wondering at how he was such an embodiment of a dreamy main character. he crouched down at the end of the sidewalk to admire a small flower growing between the concrete.

he had a charming side profile , almost refreshing enough for her to fall in love with him each she looked at him. his face glows golden like corn silk, like the orange mandarin shining bright like the campfire. the corners of her his eyes crease as he smiles wide in child like awe at the small flower. love was so abundant him , it was overflowing in his pillow cheeks when he smiled , it was the sparkling in his eyes when he looked at his fans , it was in his subtle gestures of affection for his little brothers but there would be none left in him for her at the end.

a small sigh escapes her lips when she realises that she had been staring at him for too long. as painful as the truth was , she felt as though she had brutal one sided crush on him despite being in a relationship with him. she wasn't the quite dead opposite of him in terms of personalities , she understood his little fascinantions , found his admirations cute and adorable. he was the oldest in his team and growing about his responsibilites were a bit daunting for him. he was still a little child from his heart , experiencing each moment of his life as though it was his first time.

he loved flowers , especially azaleas. not because it made him sound cooler than he already was , but because he genuinely loved seeing the lush red petals of the flower blossom when it rained. Joohyun had never asked him that personally , but she wishes she could. he also liked animals , he adored cats , he also , very unironically liked cows , and pandas too. he also liked kids , he loved kids , he loved the thought of having kids.

he just adored the idea of raising children with her . Joohyun, if she couldn't already tell that he was fully prepared to be a dad , does not encourage him yet. she was neutral with having children , or just not comfortable birthing a child , at the illicit fate of raising a life in cold harsh world while she was recovering from her own suffering.

she could continue admiring him all day and feel different from him each time. she was still , even if she reincarnated into her second life with the same name, rigid and inflexible. It was hard for her to love when she lost her mother. It wounded her each time she performed on the stage because her mother was against it. she could never forgive herself from going her against her mother to debut on stage. she had grown now , perhaps a little more mature and accepting than he was , but deep down she was still that little girl who craved for her mother's affection.

She wasn't exactly parallel from his range of interests, she liked dancing. It was her way of expression , her silent rebellion against the odds of her life in the dimly lit practice room. Yeonjun adored watching her dance , often stopped by her practice room leaning against the door , admiring her sexy sillouette with a sheepish smile on his face. he was so in love with her , in so much love with her like an idiot , so disgustingly in love with her that it hurt her heart.

" babe ", he raises up and walks to her with his collection of little flowers from the bushes behind the bus stop. he holds a small creeper twine between his fingers , " babe , I'm making you a ring , hold your hand out for me please "

she smiles placing her hand forward without hesitation. he wraps the twine around her ring finger focusing on it with his eyebrows furrowed. It was a serious buisness for him. he bites his lower lip while concentrating. Joohyun melts. she was a puddle for him , an ugly puddle in love as she approaches him slowly to nuzzle the tip of her nose with his. It disrupts his focus but makes his lips lift up for a smile he couldn't hide.

he leans forward to peck on her lips , "i love you"

Love overflows in her heart , she leans forward once again to press her lips on his. It does not impress this time , infact he's visibly annoyed as his eyebrows remain furrowed. she takes a step back observing his jaw clench as he refuses to look at her focusing on making the ring. she lowers her head embarassed hesitating to apolgise. he was just not a fan of affection. however unconditional it was from her , he had a limit for it. although it was restricting for her , she was considerate about his boundaries. if he could respect hers , she could respect his.

he didn't have a specific reason for avoiding it , except perhaps his previous relationships might have impacted him. he dated twice before dating Joohyun in secret. he was never comfortable about talking about it with her after because he wanted focus on her. she never encouraged him either considering how uncomfortable it got him. maybe it was still lingering in him that he failed twice in love , yet the third time he felt it instensly in his heart and proposed to Joohyun. he didn't abstain from having sex with her, it was always pleasurable and enticing to explore her body. he was at ease that she was his , all his, forever his. he declared that it was the last time he would ever date.

she sighs as she removes her earphones , spends a good amount of seconds to gather the wire into small knot. It wasnt surprising that he got her internally panicking each time she tried to talk to him. she had rather come to accepting it. in that bitter acceptance , her heart aches and sinks inside her.

she notices a mini van approach the bus stop from a distance. It haults infront of her. The door slides open and a tall handsome figure emerges from inside. he wears a pair of round glasses , bangs cover his forehead , his smile ignites as his thin lips lift for a puppy smile , the corner of his eyes crease and all of his teeth show. his last name was handsome , his first was Beomgyu.

" Candy crush! ", he approches Joohyun as he wraps his arms around her for a hug. she raises up on her tiptoes to match his energy , she feels light and airy in his arms as he lifts her at an inch from the ground.

" how long have you been waiting ? ", he asks releasing her from the hug. up close she finds his under eyes carved in fatigue , even little traces of a stuble on his philthrum and chin.

" for an hour atleast ",she replies. Beomgyu turns towards Yeonjun next to her.

" Hyung , what are you doing? " , he asks him curiously.

" I'm making a ring for my baby ", Yeonjun answers as he lifts his head to address him, " Beomgyu-ah , what took you so long? "

"had to get my script edited. i fell asleep in the mean time , so i had to rush packing in the evening", Beomgyu chuckles glancing at the two. he lifts a glossy blue suitcase on the platform and joins his hyung. his eyes fall on the little flowers in the older's hands.

"Hyung, where did you find those? "

"I found them in the bushes , just behind this stop ", Yeonjun explains pouting while being immersed. he agreed to drive Joohyun but she insisted on joining the rest of the enhypen members to the airport , hence he couldn't dodge waiting for the bus with her. he didn't have a lot of tolerance for waiting , it rather made him feel restless and impatient. his nerves cooled down when Beomgyu informed him that he was pooling in the same bus as well.

Beomgyu was chosen as the mc for the show in Hongkong. It was his first solo schedule overseas. known for having excellent pronunciation skills , he was chosen to represent Korea at the event. determined to brag about his mandarin , he approaches Joohyun nervously.

"hey..", he pats his finger on her elbow to gain her attention.

she turns towards him with a soft smile. her charismatic aura makes him lose his words.

"i was wondering if you could help me with mypronounciation..", he begins with a nervous chuckle.

"with what? ", she asks him again confused because she couldn't hear him the first time. 

"with..with my script , there's a little Mandarin in my script which I find difficult to pronounce" , he repeats his words, panicking.

"bold of you to assume i can read (mandarin)", she gazes ahead at the damp road nonchalantly. 

"You really can't?" , he raises his head to observe the sky.

" I swear. I could make a living there in Hongkong if I knew how to read " , she sighs.

"You still can plus you're so much better than i am , you've got the perks of a native " , Beomgyu chuckles , smiling wide as he turns towards her lifting her head to look at the sky.

"never really felt like it was my privilege " , she replies sighing as she observes the road ahead of her. 

Beomgyu still fears to talk to Joohyun because he formerly had a crush on her. It shattered his heart when he realised that he could never call her his because she was Yeonjun's girlfriend. he still doesn't quite understand the reason he continued crushing on her. she was cool, sweet and caring. she was also cute , smart , she was gentle with her words , she dressed well , she could cook but not as good as the professional chefs , she was direct , honest and sincere. 

shit , he was so in love with her. he preferred being delusional about being in love rather confessing it his crush. his heart soars in love as he watches her gather her hair loosely pulling the black hair tie around her wrist. her exposed neck makes his breath stop. she gazes at the moon that glows as bright as her face.

" You remember..." , he begins as he observes the moon with her , somehow feeling a lot more confident this time.

" I told you that I'd a write a song on you ", he looks at her and  even on juxtaposing the moon with her, she was still the prettiest in his eyes.

" You did? " , she replies , not budging her gaze.

It hurts him a little that she doesn't recall it , yet , he places his hands into his pockets with an equally confident announcement.

" expect it sooner than you think " 

"what'd you name it? " , she asks him , feeling accupunctured by the spikes of curiosity.

" prettier than the moon.."

she chuckles turning towards him , " It's got an edge , I kinda like it "

-

[kumabeom]

sweetener .| lee heeseung

dedicated to all the friendships i lost because i was different.

{ warning tags : subtle vampire core, adult relationship au. may contain mature content. contemporary idol life au! Heeseung focused, second lead Yeonjun  }

d i s c l a i m e r : FICTIONAL content. the following content and excessive delulu is all made up by the author. it does not depict actual life instances of celebrities mentioned.

prologue :

Yeonjun wakes up to strong loud voice echoing from the bathroom. he lays in the bed for a few more seconds allowing the remaining fatigue drain out of his body. groaning in restlessness , he twists on the other side. beside him , the mattress is flat, a cotton blanket thrown aside shabbily. he enjoys the comfort of his own soft warm bed in the morning after sacrificing it the whole night for his girlfriend, Joohyun. his bed was too small to hold two people in the summer , if clamped into each other in close contact because of the small space. the heated mattress in addition would make him slide down the edge of the bed to sleep on the cold hard floor. he would revert back to his bed in the morning briefly before his girlfriend woke up.

the sound of her sweet voice amplifies melodiously upon hitting the bathroom tiles. he rests his head on the pillow. he flaps his lips together smiling automatically. the best part about her singing was that she practiced each lyric around five times each making it sound like she was on loop , on a perfect loop to please Yeonjun's ears. he never used an alarm ever since he began dating or perhaps occasionally when his schedules were late in the afternoon, but he was always woken up by Joohyun's clear voice.

for Joohyun , mornings were her ideal time to practice her vocals. despite having debuted two years ago , she never really claims to put a performance that satisfied her 100 percent , it was always in ranges between 88 to 99 due to being very meticulous about her outpour on the stage. her struggle during her rookie years were specific around being recognised for her effort and showcasing her true personality off camera , but Yeonjun supported her with both hurdles making her feel grateful for him as her partner. his relationship on the other hand was not on the smoothest path in question , they had fights , occasional ones to serious ones almost leading them to break up to intimate moments of understanding and care. at this point in her relationship , Joohyun does not think she was going to last as his girlfriend for one more year.

Yeonjun doesn't ponder much about his relationship as he thinks there is nothing wrong with it. ofcourse,he repulsed getting into misunderstandings with her but he believed it made his love stronger as he begun to think in her point of view , about what she feels or how often she struggles to express herself because it was not innate to her. she was at most , the quietest person in the room , or the most talkative if she opened up to someone. he finally raises up from the bed when her voice ceases into silence. he feels mistaken and his smile returns when he hears her voice again.

he heads towards the bathroom and finds her standing infront of the sink straightening her hair in parts. a large mint coloured roller holds her signature bangs above her forehead as she brushes through one part of her hair before aligning it between the steaming hot iron. her eyes glance at Yeonjun as he walks behind her without giving her attention. he wears a black vest and has distracting buff arms but it doesn't make her talk to him either , it was as though the morning passed without a word between the two but neither of them were mad at each other. It was just how the couple spent their summer mornings , in ultimate denial of their disproportionate affection for each other.

" Siri , switch music in queue " , she commands her phone as she runs her comb through her hair multiple times. she reaches out for a hot lip plumper from her purse on the counter. she procures a good amount on the tip before swiping the applicator on her lower lip and brings her upper lip together for a smooth finish. she flaps her lips together for a couple of times preparing herself to run through her Chinese pronunciation once thoroughly before leaving for her live performance in Hongkong.

the complication of flight and travel always made her nervous hence she needed to run through her vocals once to ensure her confidence throughout her journey. she counts the beats in her head as she begins singing with all focus on her pronunciation. being half Chinese herself , she often struggled with her pronunciation because she grew up most of her time in Korea. her fingers tingle in nervousness and her tongue slips as she loses her count. she repeats the verse again but this time her mind goes blank as she finds no memory of the lyric after. she tries recalling something imagining herself as though it was a real stage and she were performing right now , but she pauses in confusion unable to remember anything further.

"ugh, I'm gonna mess up!" ,she expresses in frustration crouching down in the horror. she covers her mouth on the verge of sailing down with her frustration as she quickly recovers raising up to practice again.

surprised by the silence again , Yeonjun peeks through the shower curtain with a brush hanging down his mouth. he notices the change in her expressions , her tensed shoulders as she grips on the edge of the sink counter. he swings his leg around to step down the bathtub and walks towards her with his arm reaching for her arm. she covers her arm tightly before he does , feeling frustrated. his palm rests on her arm as he stands next to her to calm her down.

his presence makes her feel conscious about herself and she slides his hand down her arm focusing on her breathing as she stares down at the sink beating the urge to lift her head to even look at him. his hands slide up her arms slowly up to her shoulders where he rests them and positions himself behind her. he begins softly massaging her shoulders to calm her nerves down , he pulls his toothbrush out and moves forward to spit in the sink.he walks back to resume massaging her shoulders , " It's okay " , he comforts her and a thin line of foam forms around his lips.

"You'll do well , don't think about it" , he softly glides his finger down to her spine to rest his hand on her hip securely," have a safe flight and come back as you are right now "

" do you want me to come with you to the airport? " , he asks her before leaning forward to spit in the sink again. she notices the traces of blood mixed in the foam he spits in the sink as she raises her gaze up the mirror.

"no , I'll be fine" , she assures reaching forward to grab her purse as his hand slides on her butt. he leaves affectionate past on her butt as she turns around to face him. she lifts up on her tiptoes to nuzzle her nose on his cheek lovingly. she drags and rests her forehead on his collarbone , " i love you " , she whispers. he brings his hand to pat the back of head , and uses his other hand to rinse his brush under the sink. he leans forward to rinse his mouth consciously looking at her through the mirror when he lifted his head up. after a final round of gargling and rinsing his mouth clean. he immediately swoops his head to press his wet lips on her cheek. the cool wet sensation makes her gasp in discomfort as she moves her head aside dodging his lips. he leans deeper to push his lips on her neckline, however damp the rest of his mouth was and it cools off on her skin.

"enough , i need to go now" , she reminds him softly patting her hand on his nape.

Yeonjun pulls apart to look at her. there was not a hint of embarrassment on his face , neither a smile of pleasure. he stares at her with the same exhaustion that lines her face when she looks at him the eye. upon gazing into his eyes, Joohyun could see his enlarged dark circles , or how sunken each side of his cheek was , his lips were chapped and wrinkled no matter how much lip balm he seemed to swipe before going to bed. he had lost the spark he had for her ever since he began dating , and perhaps his own expectations about his relationship had faltered.

-

[kumabeom]

THERAPIST CHAPTER 6

Hyunseo was a cool grandmother , but there were times she wasnt cool. she sits at the dining table upset after fighting with her granddaughter over lunch. Sangha had refused to eat her lunch , and upon investigating Hyunseo finds her seated on the floor of her room with five different eyeshadow palettes around her. she lifts a small pink coloured hand mirror close to her face. her mouth falls open like a goldfish as she swipes the eyeliner on her eyelid. Sangha lowers the mirror down frustrated at the tail of the stroke for the fifth time.

Sangha reaches for a damp tissue, well aware that Hyunseo was standing at the door , " I'm not , I'm not going to eat until i get this done ", she declares determined to finish her makeup.

despite being on a semester break for two weeks  , there was no change in Sangha's behaviour. she had no urge to spend it on a vacation , she slept late till the afternoon pruning about some invisible pressure on her shoulder about being an influencer online , she refused to walk out of her room. Sangha helped Hyunseo cook for the first three days of her vacation , all three meals breakfast , lunch and dinner. Hyunseo was furious that Sangha hadn't stepped into the kitchen for the past ten days ever since then.

" Park Sangha , I'm going to confiscate your makeup brushes if you don't come to the dining table right now! "

Sangha does not budge. she lifts the mirror close to her face holding her black liner steady on her now cleaned eyelid. 

Hyunseo walks back to the kitchen and pulls the dining chair out upset and takes a seat to resume peeling radishes. she picks a half peeled snow white radish and runs the sharp peeler on the skin while occasionally glancing at Sangha's room. a few minutes pass in silence. 

Sangha loses her focus and drops her liner. it drops on the floor and rolls down towards the door. she panics pushing the makeup palettes aside and crawls towards the liner. she extends her hand to reach for it. she sighs as her fingers curl around the liner.  she slowly collapses on the ground exhausted. she turns her body around to lay supine and tears resurface her eyes.  makeup was fading away from her life as she was healing on her own. she no longer found pleasure in it , she had lost her magical hands despite doing it for months to cope with her depression. It was extremely uncomfortable for her to come out of her sadness because there was a part of her associated with it , it felt uncomfortable to let go of that vulnerable part of her.  It made her skin prick , her stomach repulsed at the unfamiliar peace in her life. she wanted the hostile chaos back in her life. 

Hyunseo had imagined the worst if she chose to react with anger. she drops the radishes and peeler on the chopping board observing her granddaughter with concern. she could have scolded her if she wanted to , or forced Sangha to eat , but she knew deep down inside her heart that she didn't want to become someone Sangha was grieving about all her life. her parents. she had to be gentle with her granddaughter.

The next morning she finds Sangha sitting at the dining table slurping on cold noodles with her phone raised infront of her. Hyunseo walks towards the dining table with no particular expression on her face. she finds a yellow post it folded in half and mounted on the table next to a bowl of extravagantly plated noodles. she glances the note on the paper.

'sorry . i love you'

Hyunseo's lips lift for a faint smile as she pulls the dining chair to take a seat infront of her. the meal looked exceptional. Sangha was more than just an excellent cook , she was a visual pleaser , she excelled in plating. it was a simple meal topped with thinly julienned cucumbers and carrots in the middle , a generous piece of kimchi sprinkled with mixed sesame seeds. before indulging into her restaurant quality meal , she hears a meek voice.

"say it back" , Sangha begins.

"say it back, that you love me too" , she insists , indeed guilty about ignoring her yesterday.

"You'll have to do one thing for thing for that" , Hyunseo rests her elbows on the table , her smile remains lifted on her face.

the front door bell rings. she raises up from the chair to walk towards the door with a wider , more enthusiastic smile. Sangha found her behavior odd but still anticipates a free pass for that one thing that would make her say i love you back. how hard could it be? perhaps it was doing the laundry for the whole week or her helping with the chores for the rest of her summer break , she was fine with either as long as she could get back to doing makeup again at the end of the day. she sighs turning her head towards the visitor who accompanies Hyunseo inside. 

Sangha gasps raising up from her seat shocked.

he was such a regular at her house but he looked different every single time. his thin pink lips curve for a large smile , his sugary dimples appear on his plump cloud cheek. his bangs were long grown , dyed black and swooped to curtain his dreamy eyes. his smile was enough to light Sangha's pitch dark world.

"You?!" , she stares at him furiously.

" Hiiii , Sangha! " ,Taehyun stretches his arm out waving just his hand to greet her. his gaze is so gentle on her , it makes her look away immediately.

Hyunseo pats the boy's back as she stands next him, "Taehyun is here to take you out on a date"

"what??"

Taehyun nods as he approaches her with a smile , "will you join me , Sangha? "

Her heart combusts.

a/n : i spent an unhealthy amount of time with my crush today , i miss him , i love him so much , it hurts. i love him , i love him so much , it h u r t s.

[kumabeom]

therapist chapter 5

Failing to top the class was a humbling experience for Sangha. she had been doing that since the past three semesters. her life did not just move on the muddied tracks of falling grades , but also on new furbished roads full of insecurities. often , sangha reverted back to being sad. It was the only constant in her life.

sangha didn't understand what was wrong with her. she had three meals in a day like normal people ( sometimes two , one or not at all ), she showered often during winters because she felt warm and loved being embraced under the warm water , she went to bed with no particular hopes of being ignored for dealing with depression. she was growing older and it was harder to make friends. it was hard to determine who would continue being her friend , so she stopped making friends , and eventually stopped talking to people. she stopped talking to her own grandmother and spent time watching makeup tutorials. sangha found comfort painting her skin with luxurious foundations, glamorous lip tints and perfumes. she gained a few friends then because she was a natural at it. despite the cobweb of problems she was tangled inside , she never missed wearing makeup to college. she was a signature of flawless natural base and excellent eye makeup.

she would often talk about being interested in it , or have her classmates ask her advice , and or admit dreaming about becoming a makeup artist in the future. despite the glamour , she took hours perfecting it. it was beginning to take a toll on her mentally because she was losing interest in one thing that she believed she was good at. the shards of her own disinterest was reaching her. sangha wanted one chance to do something with makeup , one chance. and it came crashing down on her in the form of social media. so she began making content, quite specifically because she loved doing it regardless of the engagement. soon , she grew a lot of followers and it was peaceful for a while.

sangha then grew afraid of showing herself without makeup. she rather admired her face often at times it looked stunning, during menstruating for instance. she would awe at her on her flawless skin. she had a dedicated routine for skincare but often failed to follow it sometimes. she was afraid that if she continued to appear without makeup, it would lead her to lose followers. there was no bigger truth than that.

she could not term being different with her foundation and lipstick on. she was the same failure , a goblin of fears bound tight on her shoulder, escaping people as a plague. It was her true self. she was afraid that she would lose what she gained if she chose to appear infront of the screen barefaced. she never attempted it and dreads even thinking about it. she would spend hours perfecting it just for most people to swipe through her posts. it discouraged her but at the same time , it felt like the tip of a cold sword down her spine when she realised it was the one thing , one last thing in the entire universe pushing her to live.

sangha was still afraid , not because she was insecure of bare face but because she would lose what she gained in the first place. she was afraid to break what she built.

It was so tiring to do something forever in the hopes of living , when the same thing was draining her out.

how long could sangha keep doing it? how long can doing makeup make her feel like it was worth living for? how long could she continue being strong?

she feels her tears fall down her cheek as she walked through the lanes of the park. it reminded her of the park she used to visit in shanghai. it was a small park with a swing , a slide and a seesaw all aligned in the center of a sand play area infront of her apartment. it was lonelier during the summer vacations when the children of the apartment would go for overseas vacations , but it ensured sangha to bag a seat on the swing alone. she was delighted , rhapsodic wadding her little legs to push it forward. the chains creaked when it moved. soon as time passed , her legs submerged in the sand. sangha had grown up and could no longer use the swing. she could no longer use the swing. her breath shakes as she hears the voices of the children linger in her ears.

she cries.

she considers calling Taehyun to talk about it. she considers it , she even imagines her conversation with him and plans on asking him if he's ever had someone call him on the verge of ending themselves. but she was afraid it was going to destroy what was between them. she was afraid of losing him. she was afraid that if she called him now , he would be in an impression that she could never be alright. he could then stop talking to her , he could stop trying to help her , he could stop waving her hello in college. her parents were too far to reach for her , her former therapist never appeared in her life again , and her grandmother was occupied with work.

with tears sprawled across her face she feels a pair of arms pull her shoulder to force her up from the swing and leave her in lanes in the park. she stumbles to walk forward and plops down on the tiled pavement on her knees corrosioned because of the fact that she had no one to talk to.

she cries with her face scrunchied in that sadness. she looks for her phone on the ground. reaches forward to pick it blurry eyed as tears fill up the rim. she raises up on her feet and walks forward to sit on the bench infront of her. still in residual tears , she finds a spot to sit watching the children's park at a distance. It was filled with little children in soothing laughter , running here and there , a promising sight to catch baby fever.

sangha had never expected it to calm her down. as minutes pass , she feels calm once all her tears were vaporised and gone while she complained of the blistering odds in her life. she was glad to have endured it alone on her own. It wasn't her worst record till date but she pauses for a moment in realisation that her heart felt empty , like there was nothing left to prune about , a like a bullet hole when the bullet is removed. her shoulders feel lighter as she leans behind to rest on the backrest of the bench.

she glances at a number of adults in the children park , each with their eyes on their own children. tender small hands wrapped in worn out rough adult hands as they walk where their little crocs lead them , some wobbling , some standing still while the parents bend down to inspect them. she wonders if it was truly worth it to raise children. it was hard to guess with one parent's expression. she observes a parent behind the slide holding a toddler in his hand up to his face. he proceeds to throw the little one up in the air with a smile and catches him with even bigger smile bringing his nose forward for a nuzzle. his cheek remined lifted and his eyes glistened at the toddler not budging as he repeats the game safely catching the baby in his arms. his smile looks amplified each time he throws the toddler higher up in the air , not missing to nuzzle his nose causing the little one to burst into a high pitched giggle.

her smile soon drops as it reminds her of her own parents. she was never close to them. she didn't have a single memory of being loved by both her father and mother. it was either her father , or it was her mother. sometimes , neither. she was on her own. in highschool , in college trudging for someone to catch her once thrown in the air. she feels a warm rough hand wrap around hers. she turns towards the familiar visitor.

ahe had ash gray hair swooped with a hairclip , subtle appearances of wrinkles on her forehead , sagging cheeks with a soft smile. she lifts her finger to brush through sangha's long lashes tracing the mascara stained tears on her cheek.

" the base is still strong , but the mascara needs to flick "

sangha smiles gazing ahead , " do you know what makes my base look so good , Hyunseo ? "

" a dash of steaming hot tears ", she answers as her smile remains , " how did you find me here? "

"i guessed you'd be here since you go the park often if you arent at Nahyun's , you rarely go out darling" , Hyunseo replies recalling her asumptions.

" i saw your grade card on the table..", she begins slowly , not trying to guess her granddaughter's reaction.

" you did well! , you did so well kiddo , i'm satisfied! "

a small smile lifts up on sangha's face as her grandmother wraps her arms around her. her smile drops once again when she hears her again.

" mrs. kang's son told me that he heard you say that you want to die ", she pauses.

sangha's heart stops for a moment.

" was it because of your gradecard..? "

sangha sighs in relief with her head down. Taehyun did snitch about her. she knew she couldn't trust him with her feelings. she regretted talking to him or even wanting to talk to him.

" no.." , sangha answers in a firm tone.

"can i trust you? " , Hyunseo holds her arm, concerned laced in her voice.

"...I'm fine , i was just feeling sad earlier. fuck grades "

Hyunseo pats her back , " Yeah fuck grades. Lets go home now. I'm making meat for dinner tonight"

The sky had turned into a deep shade of blue. Hyunseo walked her granddaughter by her side towards the exit.

sangha was proud that she managed to handle her emotions all on her own that evening.

[kumabeom]

Therapist chapter 4

Sangha didnt want Taehyun to stop caring about her. self labelled anti social , sangha walks down the corridor of Hanyang after an exam. it wasn't easiest test of her life nor was it the worst , somewhere in between koshered with relief she heads down the staircase hoping not to look at someone familiar or end up having to talk to them. although she wasn't expecting anyone to pay attention to her, she spots Taehyun standing at the last step of the staircase with his friends , and worse , makes an eye contact with him as she steps down towards the entrance ahead of him. pretending to not have seen him  , she walks forward ignoring while he stood engaged with his conversation. 

there was one single entrance out of the building down the staircase and Taehyun always stood  there to catch up with his friends after exams. it was not that she was allergic to saying hello but she has had enough disappointments when attempting to greet someone. most of the times , she would go around trying her best to say hello with her hand up waving to someone with a smile only to receive a bland cold response from people as though she was never important. ever since then she stopped initiating it first and only responded when she was greeted instead.

sangha needed to collect her grade card for the previous semester and makes her way towards the teacher's cabin to collect her card. she was the last person to collect her card the previous time and this time to prevent all odds , she walks inside the cabin as the first person to collect it. the grade cards sit on the table as a bunch but there was no teacher at the cabin to  approve of her collecting it.  she finds another teacher seated in the next cabin who approves of her , and after a quick search through the pile , she finds her name and picks the card with ease. she walks out the cabin satisfied that she collected it. she had no particular interest to look at her grades , it no longer surprise her even if she got the highest grade. it no longer excited her . 

but what did , was when she walked out of the staircase to find Taehyun waving his hand at her. " hellooo" , he smiles at her as he walks towards her. 

" hellooo" , sangha matches his energy with a soft smile. 

" did the exam go well?" , he asks her.

" It was good.." , she replies with a nod as she pressed her lips together , " how about you?" , it subconsciously slips out of her mouth as she admired his face awestruck because of his blond hair. 

" Good too " , he smiles as he leans on the wall next to his side.

" heading towards the cabin to collect your grade card?" , she asks him.

" Yeah i am , I'm waiting for a friend " , he replies as he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. he pulls out his phone as his eyebrows grow closer and his forehead wrinkles as the light from his phone flashes bright on his face. 

Sangha presses her lips together as she lowers her head for a moment , " cool , I'll see ya " ,she terminates the conversation and walks straight past ahead of him. 

" You too " 

Sangha was least expecting him to meet him. she admired how much he made an effort to come greet her despite the fact that she is never her best in college. she loved how much he made her feel like her presence mattered in the college. he was such a caring gentleman , she did not deserve him. she hated how one sided it felt from his perspective that he always made an attempt to come say hello to her even when she was the most complex person to exist in the campus. his gesture warmed her , and the whole ride back to home she wondered how she could never think of confessing her love to him. she found it rather easier to be delusional about being in love with him rather than confessing or dating him , it was more practical and sangha had a reason to continue going to college. Just for him. all for him.  she never wanted him to stop saying hello to her. but deep down she knew that he would , and doesnt dwell on it too much. 

on reaching home , the first thing Sangha does it unwind. she goes to the kitchen after tossing her bag on the couch after a long exhausting week of exams. the tangible aroma of sesame oil lingers in the cold kitchen. she finds seasoned chicken broth in a pot on the stove and some par boiled noodles from the fridge , she takes the two combines them to make a light cold noodle meal and brings it toward the dining table. she walks back to search for a pair of metal chopsticks , she makes the utensils tumble in the pile but finds  a pair successfully and heads towards the table finally ready to eat.  

sangha was not a particular fan of feeling demotivated in life , but the noodles taste nothing worth looking forward with each bite. it was rather bland and numb on her tongue. she gets down to lurk for a box of kimchi , she plucks the cap open and dives into a piece on the corner. It manages to wake her tastebuds up but the spice kicks in afterwards. she washes the spice down by dipping it in the broth and savours it with the noodles.

 she had a love hate relationship with kimchi because it was too much spice for her to handle , but nothing hit the bottom of her tongue like it did. at first she hated her grandmother brining home large batches of kimchi home to let it ferment , but she rather finds it fascinating and even volunteers helping her ferment it during her free time. 

she reaches out for her old samsung tablet on the table flips it open to watch a couple of videos to ease boredom while eating. she spends a considerable amount of time watching kimchi making videos to help her grandmother , occasionally watching Bangtan making it in one of their videos. 

Sangha was a huge fan of Bangtan. she liked them ever since she watched them perform on the TV for the first time. she searched up their names and quickly became their fan in just a couple of months. she brought home every album in their collection except for two , You never walk alone and WINGS. since one of them was a repackage album, she could not decide between the two because she only had enough allowance to buy one after splurging on merch. she promised to make a decision soon but that never happened as she shifted towards buying makeup. she still liked the idea of another album to complete her collection and made it as a reward only if she scored a solid grade in the semester. 

speaking of grades, she walks up to the couch for her bag and plucks out her grade card to go through it once. she wasn't toping her class this semester but the gap of comparison between the highest score wasn't too big for her to feel bad about it. afterall , it didnt matter to sangha if she topped or scored less because there was no point of majoring it if she didnt like it on the first place. she could convince her grandmother because she has seen Sangha pull allnighters and show up to exam without eating her breakfast , but she could never convince her parents that it was hard for her. 

she sighs as she places the gradecard on the table. she puts out the utensils , switches her tablets off and places her hand up on the fridge to reach for the spare house key. she puts on her usual pair of shoes , locks the door upon walking outside and jogs out for a walk to ease her mind.

[kumabeom]

catch up chapter 13

// tw 

Joohyun feels alive again when Yeonjun bangs her against the wall. the pain penetrates into the back of the head as a mild shock as she looks at him , out of breath gasping for air. "what has gotten into your GODDAMN MIND JOOHYUN?? ",  Yeonjun pins her arm up against the wall leaning forward , commanding her to answer. she feels a dull ache in the back of her arm that hits the wall , his tight grip around her wrist burns on her skin. as much as it was the last of his patience, she liked it. she liked it because it evoked emotions in her numb heart again. rage looked astonishing on his face , his eyebrows moved an inch closer , his lower jaw clenched when he stared at her. she does not respond to him as he expects her to , it angers him even more. he leans forward to rest his head on her head to make his statement clear.

" starve one more time and you'll see the worst side of me " , he breathes pointing his finger infront of her lips to warn her. his breath mixes with hers , while she hadnt even breathed in enough air to keep standing strong infront of him. she breathes out loud gasping for air in silence as he blocks her preventing her from turning her head aside on the wall.

" hurt me " , she replies in a feeble voice , " hurt me. make me feel something " , she confesses as he raises his head up to look at her. she repeats it demanding for it in a small voice. he saw her face flushed in fear for the first time , her lower lip trembled in weakness. 

" enough. come home , there's no need to practice for the rest of evening " , he declares releasing her hand. 

his grip around her wrist burns on her skin. she dared not to look at him again. the slow shock numbs him when he realises what he had done to her. he immediately slips his arm around her waist to pull her close for a hug and swoops his lips down on her cheek. he runs his hand through her hair to massage the back of her head roughly making her whimper moan.

 "I'm sorry. did it hurt too much? " , he mumbles in a deep voice taking a breath in , his exhale fans her neck.

it did. ofcourse it did. hence she wanted him to push more of her on the wall and break all of what was left in her. his lips feel soft and cold on her skin , leaning deeper shoving his face onto her cheek silently apologising to her and even if he meant it , even if he meant it , she could not accept what he did to her. her skin feels warm , two times warmer than his own and thats when he pauses for a moment and pulls apart to look at her.

" aren't you feeling tired? you're burning hot " , he observes her concerned pulling her into a deluxe hug as he tugs her around her waist. she jerks into his embrace in tremors of fear as she repels him apart pushing her hands against his shoulders. he continues to show his affection resting rests his chin on her forehead mumbling ,  "come home with me. i'll cook some hot soup. eat and rest for sometime, mhm? " , he pecks on her forehead as he lets her out of his embrace to stand still like she desired.

his heart aches when he observes her stand weak without support. he slips his hand under her arm pushing her against the wall with his other hand pressed on the wall so her head to could rest on her hand. he leans forward luring her for a soft kiss on the lips leaving her to dominate him further. she reaches out for his cheeks pulling him down moving her lips urgently. she hates how desperate she feels demanding for his lips to merge into hers , but it also makes her stomach twist and her legs weak, her heart condenses feeling the tip of his cold fingers run down her spine underneath her shirt. heat raises in her body but it cools on the contact of his tongue in between her extra loud and passionate kiss. he pulls apart sensing her struggle to keep up with her breath and he doesn't initiate it further. he looks away to let her recover for a moment. he then reaches out for her wrist for a hold to tug along but this time , she shoves his hand apart nodding her head in denial as she stares straight ahead.

"I'm not coming home with you " , she expresses it out in a soft tone , her voice is weak as it evoked from suppressing her cries. she regretted kissing him so much that shame devoured her. 

 "I-I have to rehearse for tomorrow " , she squeezes it out in low inaudible voice as she looks aside.

" It's okay, come with me " , he takes her hand and walks her down the staircase that follows down the corridor. 

" no " , she refuses firmly as she stops him , tugging his arm towards her.

Yeonjun walks towards she shuts her eyes close anticipating another hit, but he warns her in a single monotone " don't make me do it again, Hyuna " 

 scared, she does as he commands her to walk with him.  she follows him towards the gate cursing him under her tongue. he hears her but doesn't give her much of attention and guides her to his car parked infront of the sidewalk. 

she stands apart from him controlling her tears her lips struggling to not burst out into crying , her cheeks and under eyes flushed red in frustration. clenching her fists together she stands stiff and reluctant to move. 

he pulls his jacket down his arms as he drapes it around her shoulders as her mumbles become loud and clear to him. she holds the two ends of the collar of the jacket with her hands.

" i hate you , i hate you so fucking much" 

" mmh " , he gives a soft nod standing next to her with his arm resting on her back.

" fuck you. i hate you so fucking much , it's unbearable " 

"i know"

the front seat window rolls down to reveal his peppy manager , Jisoo who signals him that the doors were unlocked. he observes Joohyun and waves his hand at her to greet her , " Yo " 

" Not now, Jisoo. she's not well" , Yeonjun informs as he slides the door open, his voice is airy as he reaches out to hold her wrist again. he manages to make her climb inside the car but she stops after she takes a step inside.

" NO. I HATE YOU. I CANT FUCKING STAND YOU! " , she screams throwing his jacket down , and if that wasnt enough , she walks on it. her scream is so lunatic , it freaks the manager who sits in the front.  she doesn't stop with that , she kicks it towards the door angrily before turning to sit down in the seat twisting her arms into a knot. she pulls the curtains open and hits the buttons on the car door impatiently watching the window pane cascade down next to her. once fully down , she puts her arm outside the window.  Yeonjun had seen enough of her tactics and he was even used to it over the months he spent with her. he could confirm that  it was his girlfriend without doubt. he climbs the car with no particular surprise on his face. he bends forward to lift his jacket up and leaves it next to her on the seat. 

" go ahead, Jisoo . we're in " , he informs his manager.

" Hyuna , behave until we reach home " , he warns her as he looks at her signalling her to pull her hand inside. she doesn't respond to him again. well aware that she was not going to listen to him , he shifts next to her on the seat to pull her hand inside as he wraps his other arm around her to keep her hand his control. he reaches out for the seatbelt and secures it around her with her hand under it. 

she was still under the shock of not being able to practice. she did not feel confident about performing the next afternoon. she had lost all confidence to even think of practicing infront of the mirror , she never felt prepared enough to step on the stage. she was extra hard on herself expecting each new performance to erase the trace of her mediocre execution , but each time it ends up hopeless and miserable and she'd beg god to help her get through one performance. 

still next to her without a seatbelt around him , he notices her as she lowers her head and her tears fall on the back of her hand. he also notices the cut mark on her finger joint that causes him to sigh out. he covers her hand with his wincing like it pained him to see a wound cut in her skin. a warm tear drips down the back of his hand.

" I don't want to perform tomorrow " , she confesses first raising her head up. 

" i don't like performing " , she continues with the same hopeless tone. he listens to her as she expresses her suppressed emotions.

" i hate it so much , i can't do it anymore " 

" i just cant do it anymore" 

" i hate it so much . i don't want to perform "

" okay don't do it " , he replies as he stares ahead without glancing at her. he listens to her patiently as the car rode into the city. the winds rushes through the window and flings her hair across her face as she turns her face towards him. the cold air soothes him as he closes his eyes for a moment.

" I hate it so much , i am not going to perform " 

"okay, don't perform"

" NO. i HAVE to perform " , she turns towards him staring at him , " i have to fucking perform " 

" BUT i hate it so much, i don't want to do it" , she emphasises on each word as she stares at him. 

" i fucking hate it. i'm not going to do it " , she repeats it again. 

" okay , don't it Hyuna " , he replies in a calm voice as he sighs under his breath with his eyes close. 

" but i HAVE to do it . i have to do it . i cant step back".

" i fucking hate it " , she mumbles. 

" i hate it " 

" i hate it " 

" i hate it so much " 

" i hate it so much " 

" i hate it so much " 

Yeonjun raises his hand at her irritated , " HOW MANY TIMES WILL YOU SAY IT ? " 

" CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M FUCKING LOSING MY MIND for god's sake, Yeonjun? " , she screams bursting out in a loud cry as she runs her hand through her hair falling back on the seat pulling her legs up on the seat , " go to hell"

he sighs as he looks ahead again to curb his anger , " It's okay even if you don't want to perform , just come home with me and take rest  " 

" I'm not going to perform ever again " , she raises her head again pointing her finger at him. firm with her decision, she stares at him without flinching.

" i am never fucking performing ever again" 

" okay , don't perform again " , he replies again and the tone of his voice varies in acceptance.

" i can't do this anymore . i hate you " , she looks ahead even after he approves of her decision. the residual anger in her makes her unconciously repeat her words again as she brushes her hair behind her ears on the verge of losing another tear. 

" i hate it " 

" i hate it" 

" I hate it" 

" i hate— 

" JISOO stop the car. " 

the manager does what he is asked for. he takes a moment to turn the steering toward the sidewalk trusting Yeonjun. from overhearing their conversation from the back, he didn't want to interfere between their heated argument. 

Yeonjun bends forward to pull the door open from inside and tugs onto on to her arm commanding her out of the car to stand face to face on the sidewalk. 

" do you think its joke ? That I'll believe you when you said you want me to break up with you ?" , he turns towards her , raising his voice at her exhausted from enduring her half hearted confessions. she stood weak on her feet , unable to even stand up straight because she curled her body in fear anticipating him to hurt her again. her under eyes flushed red as the sun that set behind her in the atmosphere .

" you're miserable with me standing infront of you right now.." , he stares at her without flinching at her weakness, " do you think you'll be any fucking better without me?? " 

" answer me , Joohyun " , he shakes her arm that he held covering her fingers with his hand preventing her from using her nails again.

 " if you had told me earlier , i wouldn't have struggled to become what you hated in me " , her voice is strained watered down with tears as she looks at him , " I'm tired " 

" I might be miserable without you , but i'll not feel like a burden " , she confesses , teary eyed forcing a soft smile on her face.

Yeonjun drops her hand holding back his tears as much as he could to appear fierce in her eyes , " is that what you want? to pretend like nothing existed between us? "

her silence gives him his answer. he lowers his head as he plucks the car door open and steps inside extending his arm to pull the car door close with a loud thud. he informs his manager to start the engine. he tries not to look at her as he sits by the window seat appearing as though he was unaffected by her words. although she confessed her true feelings , it was the first time she feels so incomplete longing to bid him goodbye like she usually did. a moment passes in silence as she abstains from reacting. the situation sinks inside her as she observes him next from the window. she watches the car speed ahead and it becomes smaller and smaller on the lane ahead until it was no longer seen. 

[kumabeom]

therapist | cyj

chapter 3

// tw : suicidal thoughts

Majoring in engineering worsened Sangha's mental health.

She was born in shanghai, mainland china. Her father immigrated from China and married her mother and settled in his hometown after. six years later , they had their second child and sangha was forced to go back to korea to live with her grandmother. At first ,she refused and threw tantrums on the plane. soon after it all changed when she boarded the plane alone when she was 13 and it was the last time she met her parents in person. despite being in contact through phone calls , she felt orphan without them.

her interests misaligned with her parents when she grew up alone with her grandmother. she believed her parents didn't like her and hence did whatever she could to look good in their eyes. her parents wanted her to major engineering and it put a lot of mental pressure on her to do well in college.

Sangha had a journal where she wrote about what she felt in order to vent out her frustration. It was introduced to her by her former therapist to ensure to keep her mind clear. she couldn't even pick up her journal to write ever since she decided to deal with it without him. she often wrote about how insecure she felt or about the constant desire to disappear. There were a couple of pages with the word just die repeated in the whole page over and over again till the end , there were some pages she wrote a single line about how nauseating it was to go through her class notes, she wrote about quitting college , she wrote about how difficult it was for her win Taehyun's heart. on that day,  sangha writes in a page that she wants to die in legible Korean letters almost daunting enough to become true. but exhausted from thinking too much about college , she falls asleep on the table with her head down.

" did you eat ? "

she hears a familiar voice next to her.

upon raising her head , she notices Taehyun staring down at her as she rests her head again on her journal spread open on the table.

" when did you come in ? " , she asks as she turns her head on the table uninterested to look at his face.

" You didn't come to college , so i dropped in to check. The door was open " , Taehyun replies as he pulls the chair to sit next to her at the dining table.

he looks around her small home as he does each time he visits her home. the first thing he realises is the dull aroma of ripe kimchi seasonings as he sat in the open kitchen. Hyunseo worked at a kimchi factory and would often bring small batches home and leave it to ferment. apart from having a constant produce of kimchi , Hyunseo managed all of her granddaugther's expenses without compromising with her needs. Sangha spent most of her allowance on new launched makeup and fastfood because she often repulsed eating in the morning (and in the afternoon and in the night)

" You didn't answer my question " , Taehyun asks her again , in a louder more commanding voice.

" I did , go look at the rice cooker and don't snitch on me if Hyunseo asks "

" I will most definitely snitch on you " , he smiles.

" Infact I'm going to call her right now to complain that you havent eaten since the morning. bet you havent even showered " , he pulls up his phone in the air in front of his face pretending to swipe his finger on the screen.

" stop, she hates calls during work " , Sangha reaches out to stop him as she raises up her head to look at him. her strong gaze makes him reconsider. she observes him for the first time since he arrived , he had rebellious blond hair done and forehead exposed . his skin glowed as the evening sun from the window flashed on his cheeks when he lifted it up for a soft smile. the subtle dimple on his cheek basks under the golden glow. his thin pink lips curve for a smile.

as per his guess , sangha had actually not showered that day. she was still in her pajama hoodie , bareface and lips overlined with a lip balm. her loose strands of her long fringes sticks to her cheek as she swipes them behind her ear as she faces him. she lowers her gaze on her journal that was left open. her irises bloom wide in horror when she finds it open in front of him , and her heart balloons up in her throat when she catches him staring at her journal on the table.

" fuck! " , she flips the book open just as fast as Taehyun who sneaks his hand on the book.

" fuck let go of my book!" , she requests him pressing her lips together.

" not until you tell me what you wrote in it " , Taehyun makes a deal.

" let go, what the hell? , it's personal " , she declares pulling the book towards her side.

" what's personal between us ? " , he demands pulling the book towards his side. he doesn't hesitate to stand up to gather more force to pull it towards him , " do you not trust me? "

while Taehyun pulls it harder with all his might, he observes her dull expressions turn sharp determined and desperate to protect her book. he releases his tight grip as Sangha pulls the book towards her side causing her to stumble back on the kitchen counter. he gets pulled along with her to crash against her. Sangha avoids touching his shoulder as she turns her head aside with her eyes shut tight.

Taehyun rests his hands on the counter under her arms , " did.. you write that you want to die? " . he asks her concerned as he looks down at her minding the gap between their heights.

Sangha lowers head without uttering a single word after. It confirms that she did write it. It was thanks to his excellent eye sight that he figured out within a single glimpse of the book.

" does your grandmother know about this? " , he asks her. he takes a step back to reprimand her through his eyes.

" i guess. she figured it out when she read my journal when i told her not to " , she answers with her head hung low. she walks towards the table to place her book on it.

" I know she's gonna get mad if she reads this , but it's not like i can stop feeling like this just because you tell me not " .

Taehyun hadn't expected it at all. he reaches out to hold her arms confused as he stares down at her , " No like , seriously , are you..okay?? "

" i just couldn't find a reason to exist " , she confesses as she sits down on the chair. she sighs as she lifts up her legs up on the chair as she wraps her arms around her knees.

" and yeah , I didn't shower since the morning. i just could not bring myself to "

" This is how I live my life. It's mundane , hopeless and directionless " , she narrates as she stares ahead.

Taehyun walks towards her in shock . he wraps his arms around her head and pulls her head towards his chest , " don't say that , you can trust me. I'll help you out of it "

-

a/n: i didnt really write much but here is an update.

-

a/n : sigh.                                                                                      

[kumabeom]

hi , its me, directorhani. It is one in the midnight and i have this super intense urge to change a bit of a catch up because i am the author.  I love my book so much I want it to be the most perfect thing i have ever written , not like text book definition impossible to attain perfect but this decent kind of satisfaction perfect that my book is one single pieces and is in the flow. I wrote it about a couple of time sand I did admit that I felt insecure about it , I hadnt realised it until a long time I worked on technical papers and the amount of re edits it goes through before the actual print made me think how serious a piece of writing can seem to people.

good writing is important to read as well , and the more I spend my time here , the more I can get a grip on my writing and actually finishing the book rather than focusing on the numeric values of the book likes reads and votes. 

so catch up needs fixing , here is how I want the define the flow in the book. I want it to be the exact same so I'm listing it down here.

I wanted catch up to be short of the angst and pain I previously forced through the entire 20 chapters of the book, even the earlier version in which  I wrote the book with no proper character development , no proper goals  , I just went all in like I do with my tests confident that I can figure it out at the time of writing it. I tried figuring out a couple of things and it did make sense , and now I want to expand the story to pick up the details that are more important than some parts of this expansion. so I want to focus on shifting the focus on some other parts of the book , none of the events in the book listed earlier are not entirely false. ( except for some visible changes in the book ) 

while writing relationships I think the range of events can be endless from defining chemistry between two people to describing the contrasting life styles of two individuals and bridging the similarities between them , to comparing the opposite traits of two characters , relationships can be expanded like a  maps , each place marks a significant amount of development between the two characters no matter how small. so I tried a couple of times expanding Hyuna and Jun's relationship and there are a lot of things i want to expand still further more to highlight the flow. 

first things first , diabetes is an important turn for Joohyun. she starves herself during her trainee days which affects her as an idol. her ignorance and unacceptance to her own condition leads Yeonjun to question her trust on him , so that creates a small  tension between them. and i actually forced this idea of her being a strong character because I was going through this tough time that i needed to push for a strong character to help myself up . I needed to bridge what makes her strong , like what is that made her strong. you can tell from the first chapter that Joohyun is a bold character but it does not define her mental state , so I want to ease down the pressure on her to be a strong character. second , couple moments \ fluff. where. is. the. goddamn.love in the book? 

Yeonjun is a sweetheart in the book , but there are like these vague scenes of them together because of me forcing the exhaustion on  his character like he is perfectly alright in the book. he has good stamina , he is an idol for four years then and is quite fit because he maintains his diet and physique.   his dilemma starts when he and Joohyun go on a date and she collapses on the bed while joking around , this stirs up the tension and he rushes her to the hospital and that is where their relationship falls apart. I rushed it in the process of story telling and I ended up adding extra unrelated information that is not require to show their proximity  . the description was so fucking terrible like no I do not need so much description to emphasize Yeonjun as a character. 

and Heeseung's first impression , no no no absolutely no. I wrote that scene so vaguely because I saw it in my dream. But I'll tell you , flow state is when you think in your own character's perspective , it's not easy at it sounds because it takes some time to actually get into this , like Joohyun is in a relationship , what does she crave for?  , love and sex , so like that tunes me to write exactly what she desires and i can steer this emotion of her desires as a goal. That makes the chapter weigh , like reaching a goal or solving a conflict. but on the other hand ,  by not being in the flow state like i have to force the scenes in to look like it makes sense. insulin patch scene , the insulin patch scene and momma trauma , ah...??

and at last , dialogues. I struggle with dialogues , that is a fact because I take inspiration from my own native language and the phrases that I actually get to hear and use in english around me.

A bad technique to write good dialogues is to take real time inspiration like, maybe one or two lines of authentic goodness on the tongue might sound look like gold  but I would not recommend it . I think authentic dialogue is thinking and writing as a character in flow state. so gotta revise dialogues part. I love my dialogues , I need to get the best words out so , focus on describing the action of the dialogue since I'm mentally directing this book. architecture , medical science and freaking engineering , I'm not slacking off with my research this time. 

I think I reached this point where I can think about exploring bolder topics rather than sticking to the stereotypical idol behaviour in real life like , I would take inspiration but it would be so restricting even though it's fiction. sometimes the lines just become blurred since I don't want to create a strong image of idols in my book , but in the end it's just all fiction . 

respectfully I have nothing in right to speak about idols mentioned in the book , idol training , idol life , idol dating. 

 I have the full control over relationships , health and the well being of my oc Han Joohyun ONLY. 

also , less angst  , please please please , I love suffering and self sabotage but please , please , please. I don't need to hoard on to so much pain because of other people around me. please , please don't be so hard on me dear me. we need to be healthier first to write strong women.  

[kumabeom]

CRUMBLING SANDCASTLES | CBG

when she travels back in time to and her crush falls in love with her

31, Kang Sera is unmarried and loses her job moving to a new town in seoul. about to lose all hope , she drowns in her bathtub and gets transported back to her 20 year old self and relives her highschool. her long time crush falls in love with her charms , unaware of the fact that she was much much older than him and smarter , asks her out on a date.

©ppulversed , 2024

[kumabeom]

HAN GANG SOUL | CSB

a suicide helpline counsellor becomes suicidal

-

Choi Soobin is a suicide helpline counsellor , stumbles across , Seolhyun who calls the helpline is furious at the lack of response from the centre. worried he spends the rest of his break at the han river and finds the same Seolhyun on an attempt to suicide. he brings her home and he promises to help her in compensation for the lack of response and develops feelings for her , unaware of the fact that his best friend Yeonjun was in a relationship with her .

ppulversed , 2024

[kumabeom]

PERIWINKLE | Taehyun

a tattoo artist chooses between his license and love

- Kang Taehyun , a young determined tattoo artist is determined to get his license , moves to Japan with his uncle and establishes a small shop. he meets Julie , a Japanese mexican local who becomes his frequent customer. starting as enemies and inseparable friends , he draws her a tattoo with a fresh batch of imported ink . she gets hospitalised due to an allergic reaction because of the ink. his license gets suspended. he blames himself and his frenemy , spends sleepless nights taking care of her at the hospital realising that he was in love with her all this time.

ppulversed , 2024

[kumabeom]

“Nothing is more heartbreaking than when you try your hardest and it still isn’t enough.”

— Unknown