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kyukiss · 1 year

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─── & 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍

+ itoshi sae x f!reader | wc 4k | content: slight angst, established relationship, friends/exes to lovers, hurt/comfort, breakup, mentions of jealousy, implied adults here

notes: DISCLAIMER I HAVENT WRITTEN PROPERLY IN A WHILE so it’s probably quite shitty but i missed him ok !!! T_T sobs i hope you guys like this one <3

summary: sae’s still learning the ropes on being in a relationship, and sometimes you think you can’t wait any longer. but this is itoshi sae, maybe you can.

sae hates this sickly tension in the air.

your brows are furrowed and you’re biting your lower lip; it’s the look of confusion that he’s not very used to, but is most aware of anyway. it’s the look you always carry when you’re upset and conflicted and you’re trying not to say any more than you already have on the off chance that you’d cry after you do.

it’s not your fault for getting jealous—sae knows that. all it is is an unfortunate byproduct of him not being around as much as you need him to. but in his head, his mind tells him one thing only: how can you expect him to when that’s what his career entails?

didn’t you know that before agreeing to be his girlfriend?

maybe you’re painfully aware of how it’s neither of your faults, and maybe that’s why you’re really confused. because there’s no one to blame. sae wasn’t to blame for having to show up at an event with some famous actress. he was doing his job. he had told you not to go, but somehow oliver had taken it upon himself to invite you anyway.

“i’m at every event with a different girl, the tabloids wouldn’t suspect a thing about her being your girlfriend, right?”

famous last words because sae’s going to have to kill him one day for that.

beside you on the couch, sae’s head falls to his hands, elbows propped on his knees. it’s not your fault either, he realises, for not being able to take it when you experience firsthand how people gush over him and saiko, the actress. you aren’t used to this life. maybe you shouldn’t have to.

“i don’t know what to do anymore, sae.”

after an entire hour of arguing how he should at least talk to you about these things instead of throwing them under the rug, after an entire hour of how sae tried to defend himself by saying he couldn’t possibly read your mind—you’re both exhausted.

“well i don’t fucking know neither,” he confesses, half snaps, and his head is still in his hands. he knows you’re looking at him, wanting to search his expression for answers that he can’t give verbally. but sae doesn’t want you to see him like this, unsure and conflicted, almost as much as you.

through your eyes, you’ve never felt more rejected than you do when you look at your entire world and see it refuse to let you in. his hair is a mess now, from running after you in the rain, his expression is unreadable and his clothes soaking through his body. sae is always like this when there’s a fight—always avoiding the hard conversations.

and maybe you would’ve let it slide if you’re sure of his feelings for you, but you’re not. you’ve been friends with sae for three years, been together with him for six months. but in all this time, he’s never actually told you how he feels for you. not a small utterance of his love, or any indication of his feelings through text.

no matter how strong or optimistic you are, you aren’t sure if you can last any longer like this.

“sae, can you answer me honestly?”

he doesn’t say a thing, but you know he’s listening. he always does. which is why it hurts even more when he doesn’t do anything whenever you argue. because you know that out of everyone, itoshi sae best knows what you need.

but he won’t do it.

“do you still want this?”

a suffocating silence blankets the room, and after an agonising two minutes, you get your answer in his silence.

slowly, you get up off the couch, and you can almost laugh at why your impending departure is the only thing that can make him look at you.

“i’m sorry, sae, i can’t do this anymore,” you tell him, smiling even though you’re crying, and for a moment, the way he widens his beautiful teal eyes and how he instinctively reaches out to grab your wrist almost breaks you. but you’ve decided, and it’s too late now. “i’ll find an apartment and move out as soon as i can.”

when sae watches you retreat to your shared bedroom and lock the door, he realises by the plunging of his heart that he’s not okay with this. that he’s not okay with letting you leave. it’s stupid why he can’t even find the fucking words to say because he does, he does want this.

that’s why he rushes to the door, knocks rapidly in succession only to hear silence in return. and now he knows exactly how you feel. you’ve always been the vocal one, always been there—armed with your assurances that you never realised he needed, coupled with your smile that drives every negativity in his head away.

“y/n, open the door,” sae tries, but you don’t respond. he hears the tap switching on and he’s cursing himself in his head. his forehead presses against the white wooden surface, unable to bring himself away. “y/n, talk to me.”

for the first time since he met you, you don’t listen.

the next morning is even more torturous than the night sae spent not sleeping.

when you finally come out of the room, you feel like a stranger. your hair’s done up, your makeup fresh, the smile on your face is still gone.

“morning.”

your eyes flick up to meet his as you walk to the kitchen, but they don’t light up like they used to. he can see you swallowing the lump in your throat before you choke out a good morning in return, though it’s strained.

have you been crying all night?

“listen, can we talk about last night?” sae asks, but it’s futile.

the way you close the fridge door carelessly sits uncomfortably with him, only because he feels like he recognises you even less. the way you smile after that is so forced he would rather you didn’t.

“oh right, about that, good news,” you try to sound chirpy, but it settles awkwardly between the both of you. “i managed to find some listings, so i’m gonna go check them out. fingers crossed i’ll be out of your hair soon!”

you’re prancing around the kitchen like a madwoman, humming tunes he doesn’t know and playing the part of not you all too well.

“y/n, i don’t want you to—”

“stop, sae,” you cut him off, heart broken and head buried in the cupboard.

he saunters to your side, not daring to get too close to you, afraid you’d just retreat further away. “tell me what i can do.” a part of him wants you to ask him that question again, so that he can answer now. so that he can tell you how he really feels.

but it doesn’t come. you’re just staring blankly at the wall.

when his gaze falls to your neck, he realises that necklace he gave you isn’t there like it used to be everyday. his heart sinks even further. “you’re not wearing it anymore?”

it’s stupid of him to expect you to. as of last night, you both were as good as broken up, after all.

“y/n, can we talk? i really—”

“sae, enough,” you utter through gritted teeth. “i don’t want to hear it anymore.”

—love you. that’s what he wants to say. but you’re past caring, it seems.

sae’s lips are sewn tightly shut after that, both of you eating breakfast in silence. you’re eating what you cooked, some sausages and a sunny egg and toast while sae’s stuck with cereal because you usually do all the cooking.

you don’t look at him, and he doesn’t look at you. the hands on the analog clock are all either of you hear aside from your own chewing.

“at least let me drive you,” sae says as you head for the door, slipping into your sneakers.

your hand hovers over the doorknob, as though you’re considering it, and for a minute sae is hopeful, but then the next minute, you pour water over his fire.

“it’s fine, i can manage fine on my own.”

for some reason, sae feels like you’re telling him that for much more than just today.

days pass and you’ve barely spoken two words to each other. sae finds himself taking the chance to look at you much more than he has before; you still look tired. maybe it’s from all the house visiting, or maybe it’s the outcome of being with him. he’s still not okay with you moving, with you not being in his life, but sae’s stuck at a loss of what to do.

you’d been spearheading this relationship all this time that now, sae has no idea what to do. any attempt at a conversation is thwarted by you, and any time he comes near you, you relegate to the room and lock yourself in there.

sae’s taken his necessities and moved to the guest bedroom, and he thinks it’s so stupid to think that sleeping in a different room is better than being at a different apartment altogether.

but how long until you find a suitable apartment and move out? how long until sae has zero chance at being able to see you again?

“that sounds like a you problem though.”

as sae sits across the booth and deadpans at his younger brother, he thinks maybe the most useless thing you’ve ever done is repairing their relationship. especially with rin mumbling useless shit like that.

“yeah, thanks for the help,” sae rolls his eyes, watching as rin pops a nugget into his mouth.

“why didn’t you answer her then?” rin surveys his older brother’s movements; uncomfortable, awkward, reserved. he’s amazed that anyone can get sae like this, if he’s honest. he doesn’t usually give a shit about anything that doesn’t concern himself.

sae sighs. if he knew, he wouldn’t be here. he’d be with you, trying to explain how fucked up he is and why he didn’t say shit when he should’ve. but now, you won’t even give him the chance to talk without shutting yourself away.

rin groans, thoroughly annoyed because unbeknownst to his brother, you’d already filled rin in on everything. besides, you’re kind of already like a sister to him anyway. and you’re better at being an older sibling than sae is, granted.

“do you still want her though?” rin asks. it’s kind of tiring, being in the middle, being told by both parties to not say a thing to the other. he’s also tired of sae and his cryptic messages when he wants advice but is too proud to outright ask for it. and also of you whining in his messages about how if sae keeps this up you can’t keep being strong about this anymore.

“yeah.”

sae’s answer is surprisingly simple, and rin is entirely unamused.

“yeah maybe i see why she left you.”

“excuse me?”

rin meets his brother’s gaze, unrelenting. “you still want her yet you’re here telling me about it instead of her. i think you’d win best boyfriend of the millenia award.”

rin is dripping with sarcasm and maybe if he wasn’t his brother sae would’ve already punched him. but by the end of the night, sae can only come to one conclusion; it’s his fault for not talking it out when he could. so he could either let you go, or try, just like you did before.

he’d have to do it tonight, unless he wants to wait another month after his match next week in the states. but if he does, you’d be gone by then, he knows it. so he has to make it tonight.

and he’s hopeful, because he’ll make it fucking work no matter what he has to do. he’s not going to back down that easily, not anymore. and he knows it’s late and it’s 11pm and you’re probably asleep but fuck, you’re just going to have to wake up when he pounds hard on the bedroom door.

which is exactly what he plans to do—wake you up, talk to you, and tell him how fucking stupid he is and that he’s sorry and he fucked up.

it probably won’t make up for all the times he failed to speak when he should’ve, but sae thinks it’s a start.

so he unlocks the front door and walks straight to your bedroom door, but when he reaches up to knock it, he realises it isn’t even locked. when he slowly opens the door, you aren’t even there.

sae knows what to expect, but he still opens the closet anyway. and all the drawers. and inspects the bathroom. but every trace of you is gone. even the photos in the living room that had been all framed up. it’s no longer there. you probably threw them somewhere.

fuck.

he’d chase you if he could, but you’re already long gone. his calls aren’t even going through—did you block him already? not even a goodbye note, nothing.

it’s useless, but he opens your chat thread anyway.

y/n, come back. i still want this.

but it reads undelivered.

it’s a long shot. a very, very, slim chance.

sae tries to take it anyway.

a month later, the moment he touches down and puts his luggage back at home, he grabs his car keys and makes a break for your favourite hangout; a cosy family cafe at the edge of the city, near your workplace. he’s taken you there many times before on your request, and if there’s anywhere he’ll find you, he bets it’s there.

after a whole agonising month of trying and failing to talk to you, sae’s still going to try. fuck it if you reject him after that—at least he gets to say he tried.

he sits at the cafe from noon till evening, five hours of occupying the spot at the corner—your favourite one because you say it shades from the sun and it’s easy to wave the waiter over.

sae’s beginning to think that you’re not coming today, but then he sees a familiar figure strolling into the cafe. it’s not you, but it’s your best friend, suzuki, if he remembers correctly. suzuki, the one with the black hair and sharp blue eyes because the moment she walks in, she spots him in the corner, a knowing smirk on her face.

“what’re you doing here?” she asks, without a greeting first, because you probably told her what happened and she’s probably not very happy with him.

sae sighs, feeling stupid sitting here for five hours. although at least, she’s confirmation that you’ll be here soon.

“eating.” weak excuse, but whatever.

suzuki cocks a brow, “sure you’re not just a pathetic loverboy waiting for my best friend?”

is this embarrassment even worth it anymore?

before suzuki can say any more, sae hears a very familiar voice speaking his name, and there it is again—all the negativity seeped out of him in an instant.

“y/n, hey,” he greets, as though you haven’t been avoiding him this whole time.

on your part, you acknowledge him, which is way better than what he expected (you storming out and running away from him).

“what’re you doing here?”

sae wants to talk to you, but with suzuki’s eyes glued onto him, it kind of ruins the mood. still, this is the most you’ve spoken in two months and he’s not about to pass that up.

“i wanted to talk to you,” he says, keeping his voice down. “meet me after dinner?”

there is hesitance in your eyes, but your gazes meet again and for the first time since that night, sae is greeted with your genuine smile—“yeah, sure.”

just like that he’s taken back to three years ago when he first met you, when he first saw you smile at him and instantly knew that he had to have you, somehow. sae’s stupid to have hurt you however he did, he knows that now.

but now, selfish as it is, he can only hope that you haven’t moved on yet.

sae puts your new address into his phone as you get into the car, fortunately agreeing to let sae drive you home.

“so, how’ve you been?”

it’s a stupid question to start with, and he hates himself for not getting to the point, but sue him; he’s still somehow afraid you’d shut him out straightaway if you knew what he really wanted to talk about.

your fingers rest awkwardly on your lap. sae can’t help but remember how they used to crawl over to the driver’s seat, resting on his thighs or teasingly curling his hair.

“i’m okay, finally left that job of mine.”

the one with the overbearing boss who micromanages way too much—yeah, sae remembers. he really wishes he’d treasured the little things more when he had them, like your small updates on your job and your family, or even the way you’d routinely text him everyday after work to see what he wanted for dinner.

“found a new one yet?”

you look out the window where you’d usually look at him. guess this is still awkward for you. “nope, but i’m working on it. i have a couple of interviews scheduled next week.”

“that’s nice,” sae responds, albeit half-heartedly because he’s never been good at conversations like these.

(on your end, you can’t help but realise how slow he’s driving even when there’s no other car in front of him. a part of your heart warms at the fact that maybe itoshi sae wants more time with you after all.)

“how about you? how was the match in london? heard you guys won by a huge margin.” (that’s a lie. you didn’t hear anything, you watched the match, stayed up late and all. nothing that sae needs to know.)

sae can tell you’re lying though, because you have that little habit where your ears twitch ever so slightly when you speak, and he chuckles softly. “it’s not a crime to watch my match, you know?”

your cheeks heat up—you really shouldn’t have asked anything at all. you whip your head towards him, sulking, “i didn’t watch it, okay?”

“sure, whatever you say,” sae tells you, feeling the tension lift off, feeling the normal you come back again. “how’s the new house?”

“it’s… okay. my roommate’s a little bit annoying but i can live with it.”

sae thought he could endure the small talk a little longer, but he can’t. not really. because the words just slip out of his mouth.

“then move back in with me.”

the car comes to a stop at a red light, and neither of you can look at each other. sae wonders if you’re just going to be impulsive and run out the door.

you don’t.

“it’ll be a little awkward living with an ex, don’t you think?”

“then all you have to do is get back with me,” sae answers, witty as you always remembered.

a moving car isn’t the best place to have this conversation, but if he doesn’t take the chance now, what if he loses it forever?

“i was stupid, okay? i don’t know why i didn’t say anything back then but the answer is yes, yes i do still want this- you.”

and it takes you aback slightly, because he’s never been one to be so vocal about his emotions. it kind of scares you a little too, how easily you fold when it comes to sae. it took everything in you to block his number that day, and everywhere else, and you’ve been hard at work trying to forget him, to the extent you’d agreed to room with some male even though you knew it was a bad idea.

but the moment you saw sae in that cafe, everything goes back to square one. and you’re kind of sick of lying to yourself—that the way you left didn’t leave a gaping hole in your heart, that the way you blocked him didn’t leave you chock full of regrets.

“maybe you should’ve said that before i left, then.” but you’re also stubborn, so there’s that.

sae pulls up outside of your new apartment complex right as the words leave your mouth, but his hand reaches out to grip your wrist after you unbuckle your seatbelt.

“i know i probably wasn’t a good boyfriend—” sae can’t bring himself to look at you as he speaks the words he thought would never leave his mouth— “but i promise i’ll work on it, ‘kay? just- don’t leave.”

again.

maybe in another life, you’re stronger than this. in that other life, maybe sae’s better at being expressive, better at reassuring you.

your eyes flick across the car to meet his, and he’s looking right at you, a sort of gaze that you’ve never really quite seen before—a mixture of both faith and fear. his grip on your wrist is firm, as if he’s afraid you didn’t believe him when he uttered those words.

“you make it very hard to stay broken up, you know that?” you’re pouting, hard, if only to try to keep yourself from smiling.

and the second you respond, the second he realises you didn’t reject him, his expression levels with that of a—how would you describe it, a golden retriever? as though he’s wagging his tail.

“so- you’re willing to give this a shot?”

you chew your inner cheek, “not so fast, hot shot. i’m not taking you back that easily.”

sae pulls back, cocking a brow, but he knows by the tone of your voice that his chance is at least granted. “what do you mean?”

you grin, “maybe i want you to chase me again, itoshi sae. can’t have you thinking i’m that easy to get, you know?”

your future boyfriend smirks, shaking his head. “you’re impossible, y/n l/n.” you hear nothing but fondness in his voice.

and just like the good boyfriend he envisions himself to be in the future, he walks you up to your doorstep, complete with giving a peck on your forehead when you arrive.

“how am i doing so far?”

“sae, it’s only been an entire elevator ride!” you laugh, sae pecking even more kisses onto your face. what makes this entirely more amusing is how he’s so straight-faced while doing it. “okay okay, i’ll rate you a six so far. you’re gonna have to do better on those dates you’ll ask me out on.”

he thinks you’re such a tease, but hey, he wouldn’t have you any other way.

when you open the door, you turn around to look at him, pressing your lips into a firm line before placing a quick kiss on his lips, making his heart skip two beats because he didn’t think you’d be so kind.

“see you soon, itoshi sae?”

sae nods, “yeah tomorrow.”

“someone’s eager,” you chuckle, though you agree to it. “see you tomorrow.”

bonus: the next day

“itoshi sae, you’re too much.”

you’re lugging your suitcase behind you, sae carrying one of the heavier boxes. he keeps quiet, a sullen expression on his face.

“we could’ve at least waited for the movers to be available, you know?” you sigh as you get into the lift, sae pressing the topmost floor—back to the apartment you shared after a mere month of living on your own.

sae’s expression is now tilted towards you, and you don’t need him to speak to know what he’s thinking.

“do i really deserve the silent treatment for this?”

you’re not really arguing, but having a little disagreement. a small part of you is happy you get to do this with sae again, and not anyone else. that just means you two are that much closer, still.

“as if i’m gonna let you continue living there.”

you scoff, “what are you talking about? that apartment was completely fine!”

sae raises a brow, completely aware that you’re not actually back together but not being able to help himself nonetheless. because like hell is he ever allowing you to live there ever again.

“don’t fucking care, you’re not living with that michael fucking kaiser ever again.”

#bllk x reader #sae x reader #itoshi sae x reader #blue lock x reader #MY GOD I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCHHH #hurt/comfort #HURT COMFORT SUPREMACY #AAAAAAAAAAA

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kyukiss · 1 year

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Itoshi Rin and Sae: a story in three parts

alternatively: how having a brother complex can ruin your life (but it's mostly that you both just have terrible personalities)

So in the midst of the world cup finals last week, I remembered—in a frenzy or some state like it—of the existence of the edgy soccer manga Blue Lock. And so I read it. And it sure was edgy.

One of the things that stood out to me were the Itoshi brothers, Rin and Sae, and how most of their relationship, its highs and its lows, were predicated on Rin simply having the world's biggest brother complex.

By the way: general spoiler warning for the manga up until about the VS Japan U-20 match (around ch 147).

Prologue

Before we get any sense of backstory for them, we're introduced to the Itoshi brothers on different occasions.

In ch 4, we first meet Itoshi Sae, a genius soccer player who considered to be the best in Japan. The first impression we get of him is that he has a terrible personality. and a foul mouth. He has no interest in entertaining the media or giving any serious to interviews, and he does not hold back on his arrogant demeanor, though in his case, it's actually justified by his ridiculous skill.

Rin is introduced much later than his brother, during the second selection arc, and is someone who is also incredibly skilled. While most of his motivations seem shrouded in mystery, we know that Rin is self sufficient and dislikes to rely on others.

Oh and I guess there's also his deal with his brother.

oh yeah rin-chan seems weirdly more on edge at the mention of his brother? haha i'm sure this means nothing

Rising Action

In ch 123, the curtain is pulled back.

Itoshi Rin loves his brother very much, loved his brother very much; he admired him above all else, and strove to become just like him in the future.

Even as a little kid, Sae has had his terrible personality: he already tells his interviewers to eat shit and doesn't hold back his arrogant attitude. Most importantly, however, is how, above everything else, he hates to lose.

A young Sae takes it personally when Rin is the one to get the lucky ice cream. i'm with him on this one i would also try to justify myself too much when my brother would get the lucky items. curse him.

But those things don't mean much at this stage, where Rin and Sae stick with each other, as close as two coats of paint. Sae obviously dotes on his younger brother and treats him nicely, which contrasts with his demeanor with others. So when they both notice that Rin also has the skills in soccer, instead of being mad at Rin for intervening during his game, Sae proposes that he plays with him.

how heartwarming. im sure these siblings will keep their close relationship in the future haha

And so they do.

For the few years to come, the Itoshi brothers are an unbeatable striker duo. They share a dream: to become the best strikers in the world, with Sae as the number 1 and Rin as the number 2.

They're quite close, and have trust in each other's skill. When Sae comments negatively on Rin's play, it feels more like constructive criticism (and even playful banter), rather than insult.

Sidenote, it's interesting to compare the brothers' different approaches to playing soccer.

For Rin, he mostly relies on his instincts. It's something I may have not mentionned earlier, but one of the defining aspects of Rin is that he's a character defined by his incredible luck. It's present in the lucky ice cream he kept getting, in the fact that he was born as the younger brother to the talented Itoshi Sae, and of course, in his way of playing soccer.

a frustrated Isagi asks Rin what he's missing (ch86)

Sae, on the other hand, doesn't have as much luck. He keeps getting the wrong ice cream and he plays in a much more methodical manner: Sae actively works hard to reach his goal, while Rin allows himself to be caught along his brother's current.

dependency

Regardless, Sae eventually gets scouted for his skill and goes away to Madrid.

In the meantime, Rin keeps holding onto the dream, the promise, he had with Sae. Though, even when he works hard for his dream, he does so by playing as Sae's replacement, in order to catch up to his brother. All the while, he keeps holding onto the idealized version of his brother that he has in his head.

Turning Point

After four long years, Sae suddenly comes back and,

He's exhausted. Rin points out how he lost some weight, but Sae also has prominent eye bags, and his face is sunken. Most importantly, he lacks the vigor he had when he left Japan.

It's also important to point out that Sae had come back earlier than expected, yet his first thought was to go see his little brother and inform him of the change in his dream. Because to him, it's important that Rin knows this; because that mutual dream of theirs is what matters the most to them.

And so he tells Rin of his newfound realization and decision. The world out there is huge, and there are plenty of more talented players out there, even better than the unbeatable Itoshi Sae, as strikers.

So, Sae decides that he's now striving to become the number 1 midfielder in the world, instead of the best striker.

And Rin...

He takes the news very badly.

Because, to Rin, all he's hearing is that his unbeatable brother, the one who hates to lose above everything else, has resigned himself from his dream of becoming no 1 striker, simply because there are others that are better than him.

To Rin, his brother had basically admitted that he's not actually the best.

Understandibly, it shatters Rin, as well as his idealized and out-of-date image of his beloved, talented, cool, older brother. He can't bring himself to accept what Sae is saying, so instead, he aggressively rejects this "new" Sae in front of him, and he refuses to ackowledge him anymore.

The thing is, though, not much has actually changed.

His older brother is the same victory-loving, defeat-hating Sae as he was before he played in Madrid; he's still the same Sae who dotes on his younger brother and wants to see him grow; he's still the same Sae who wants to become the best soccer player in the world.

All that has changed is that he saw that he plays better as midfield, so he changed positions.

To Rin, it doesn't make sense that his unbeatable older brother would change this part of his dream. To him, the very fact that Sae altered his plan is the same as giving up. He's still childish and has an all-or-nothing mindset.

But Sae, who is a bit older and who has now experienced the world, doesn't understand why Rin is so upset. After all, he still wants to be number one, and he still wants his brother by his side.

Rin retaliates.

as a way to deal with their argument, sae challenges rin

Admitedly, the stakes of their 1v1 are ridiculous, but a part of Sae wants to keep on believing in this childish dream of them becoming the best strikers. After all, it's his talented younger brother. Maybe there is a chance.

But there is none.

And it's when Rin becomes so desperate that Sae finally loses his patience and tries to knock some sense back to him. Because Sae is exhausted at this point, and his younger brother is spouting childish things. Sae wanted him to realize that, sometimes, what you're best at may not be what you initially believed it to be: something which Rin seemed incapable of accepting.

admitedly, he's being very mean about it. I guess he finally got over giving rin nice treatment just for being his little brother

He gets angry at Rin. He tells Rin to quit, because to Sae, this dream he has is something that he's been actively working for and advancing in. Meanwhile, Rin tells him that he was his sole reason for playing all this time. And it's not enough, because it's such a fickle reason.

The world is large and there are so many better players out there, that such a lukewarm reason meant that Rin was never serious to begin with.

So now, it's Sae's turn to reject his brother.

Outcome

All that their interaction in the snow had showed Sae was that his brother was not actually serious about football, after all. And because he's not serious, because he's so lukewarm, Rin will never reach Sae's level.

The thing is, Rin does outsmart his brother in one critical instant, though neither one of them meaningfully acknowledge it

The main problem with Rin is, well, his huge brother complex.

Okay, well, more seriously, Rin's biggest problem is that he bases his self-worth on his brother. Even when they officially separate, Rin's motivation for playing football is still centered on Sae. Actually, I don't think you can say that his initial reason changed that much.

As easily as Rin could pretend it, he can't think that his beloved brother being nice when they were younger was all just a lie. Because it wasn't. So now he's mad at Sae for turning his life upside down and leading down this path.

He claims he wants revenge against his brother.

ch 125

Rin says that he wants to break Sae "into pieces" and that he wants to destroy his dream, but what is the dream that he's talking about? is it the one about being the number one player, regardless of position? Or is it just that Rin wants to go back to those days they were playing together?

I don't think even Rin himself knows entirely.

His reason for playing has always been Sae. It hasn't changed: it's always been his brother. And truth be told, all Rin really wants is to gain back the affection of his brother.

To come back to the Japan U-20 match, Rin says that he wants to be his own person, that he doesn't want to be defined by his relationship to others. But he also holds onto any bit of affection he may get from Sae.

So much for a guy who claims that he hates his brother.

He allows his hostile exterior to break a bit after the match against the Japan U-20 team. For God's sake, he's so hopeful and wide eyed that Sae finally, finally sees how far he's come. That he'd compliment him for the first time in a lifetime,

but no.

rip rin-chan I hope one day he actually compliments you

Epilogue?

Besides the fact that Rin's resentment towards Isagi has grown tenfold now that the latter managed to snatch a compliment from his brother, there isn't more that has been added to their relationship after their match.

Honestly, despite all this meta that I wrote,

I'm still not over the fact that Rin's mysterious and tragic deal was that he simply has the world's biggest brocon and heavily depends on his brother's approval and love.

#blue lock #rin itoshi #sae itoshi #itoshi brothers #analysis #reading analysis at 2am

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kyukiss · 1 year

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my take on the itoshi brothers

the itoshi brothers’ relationship is so complex and it makes me want to throw myself off a building so hard. spoilers to anime onlys, and spoilers for the u-20 arc onwards. if u dont wanna see then just scroll <//3 so anyways as i was saying, the itoshis

this is half analysis, half theory, part screaming, so like if u have anything u disagree w me on or anything u wanna add then please do

so obviously from the very start we can see how warped their relationship’s gotten ever since sae went to spain. rin focuses all his attention and efforts into getting better so he can crush sae, while sae doesnt even acknowledge his existence.

at first, i only saw rin’s side in this. i admit, up until i reread the manga and their backstory, i was thinking ab the situation solely from rin’s perspective and ended up neglecting some details. most especially sae’s reaction to the fallout, as well as some other minor details.

we can see from the suitcase than sae had just landed, and that his first instinct was to go to rin. his first priority was to go see his baby brother, with the intention of telling him about his decision regarding his soccer career. he obviously still cares about rin here, and we can see that as he didn’t “completely” abandon their dream.

for sae, his view on their dream shifted. after seeing how big the skill gap is between him and the world, he decided that he can’t be the best with rin as he is. especially as rin hasn’t had the opportunity to see how it actually is outside of japan. i think he shifted his view so that they can still be the best, just with him lifting up rin rather than being by his side. much like how reo shifted his view into becoming a midfielder so he can make nagi shine even brighter

sae changed his resolve to become a midfielder, while he “entrusts” the original dream to rin. In his eyes, it’s still their dream, as he’ll still be the best with rin, just not as strikers. however, i don’t think he counted that rin would be completely attached to their original dream. well, either that or he was desperately hoping that rin would understand where he’s coming from

to be completely honest i think it's the latter. as rin expressed his discontentment with sae’s new resolve, we see in his eyes that he’s frustrated. and then it all comes boiling over when rin yells “you’re not the same brother i shared a dream with”

we can obviously see the hurt in his eyes before his face is masked by shadow. i think that deep down he already knew that rin wouldn’t accept his “new dream” but was still hoping he would. rin saying this was just the confirmation that he would, in fact, not accept it

again this post is half analysis half theory. personally i think that the brothers, in their own way, were trying to defend their relationship. rin wanted to keep the previous them, the them that were together in their dream always. sae wanted to preserve his relationship with rin somehow, seeing as how much he changed after his time in spain

sae, in his own way, is still trying to protect rin. at first, his original plan was to make rin the best striker by becoming the best midfielder. that way, rin isn’t alone when he finally faces the world. however, as rin didn’t want to give up on their dream, then sae decided that the best course of action was to destroy that dream so that rin wouldn’t get hurt any further

in my eyes this is the moment sae steels his resolve to shatter that dream. he then faces away from rin so his resolve doesn’t shatter, knowing that seeing his brother’s face in anguish will weaken that resolve

the fallout hurt both of them, but that hurt spiraled into two different responses. sae becomes completely aloof to rin, while rin begins to harbor a boiling “hate” towards sae.

after the u-20 game, we immediately see that rin’s “hate” for sae is in fact not hate. his first instinct is to call sae “nii-chan” a deeply affectionate title that hasn’t been said since that night. however, sae crushes rin’s spirit by saying that isagi is the one that has the potential to change japan’s soccer

now here i think sae, in his own, messed up way, is trying to motivate rin into becoming the best in the world. the worst part i think is that it works, as this is one of the critical moments that causes rin’s way of thinking to change, with the other one being the fallout. here, crushing sae is no longer his “first and foremost” priority, and he’s instead setting his sights on becoming the best, without anyone or anything holding him back

i’m not very good at articulating my thoughts and there ARE some things i wanted to put here, but i couldn’t explain them in a way that’s coherent to anyone other than me. but the final thought im getting away with here is that ultimately, the brothers still haven’t given up on their dream, whether they’re aware of it or not. by inadvertently giving rin motivation to become the best, sae is still giving rin a chance to catch up to him. in the same vein, rin’s desire to catch up to and surpass sae is his desire to prove his worth to sae again

once again these are just my personal views on the relationship. i could be wrong, i could be right, i could be partially wrong or i couldve missed the point completely. either way i just needed to get that out of my brain. so if u have anything to contradict me with or anything to add, please feel free to do so! i love hearing ab other people’s thoughts anyways <33

#blue lock #blue lock rin #blue lock sae #blue lock analysis #AHJSJSJSKSJ #ITS LITERALLY THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT YET HERE I AM

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kyukiss · 1 year

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Michael Kaiser is your second love.

A/n : you know what? I think second loves are so underrated. I like second loves more than first loves. What they learned during the first will reflect on the next.

Warnings ⚠️: Curse words and uhhh...let's call it a detailed "hug" ...yea.

Just like most boys were, he wasn’t quite like the first one.

Unlike your first love, he didn’t have to hide anything.

There were no secret places nor subtle smiles directed at each other. He was loud in proclaiming his love for you, both in real life and online. He was gentle, gentle in the way he held you in his arms in front of his and your friends. Gentle in the way he holds your hand, swaying it back and forth, in public with no consequences.

Unlike your first love, He didn’t write you poems or sang songs about how passionately in love he was with you.

He was athletically-inclined. You had a special place in your closet for the jerseys he gave you. Every soccer game he had, he dedicated each point he scored to you. He was no lyricist but you swore, the way his eyes focused on you after every score, the way his lips turned into a cocky grin, the way his body automatically walks to you after the game, it was all the poetry you needed.

Unlike your first love, he was careful.

From the first bouquet of flowers to every bottle of wine he gave to your parents after a visit, he made sure to make time for you and give you reassurance whenever he came a little aggravated from soccer practice. He was careful with his words, careful with his gestures. He didn’t let you overthink about the girl in his dm’s nor did he let you worry about any other person who wanted his heart. He made sure to set a boundary that only you could ever cross.

Unlike your first love, he had much more to offer.

You didn’t have to share popsicles or just look around every store. You had to physically stop him from getting every piece of jewelry your eyes caught, being a rising student–athlete had its perks. He took you to gallant dates, spontaneous trips and brought you a little something new from his away games. He bought you “just because” flowers, “I thought it would look pretty on you” dresses and “you always told me you wanted something like this” knick-knacks. You let him comfort you after a bad grade, you let him convince you to stay the night during a pouring rain and make you meet his parents.

Unlike your first love, he knew what to do.

He didn’t leave you alone whenever you two had a heated argument. Didn’t let you walk out the door whenever he snapped because of his stress. His friends knew you as if they’ve known you forever after hearing Kaiser talk about you at every given opportunity.

Moreover, he knew to love you. How to give you kisses that leave you begging for more with a smile on your face. How to tease your tomato-flushed face after the teasing his or your friends gave. How to touch you like it was the last thing he’d do on earth. He knew how to appreciate every single detail about you, even the flaws.

Unlike your first love, you were no longer as innocent.

The touch– his touch that you were able to feel sent you zaps of electricity that sometimes hurt. The ghost of his hand on your hips, waist, shoulder– every body part he usually placed his hands on. You were greedy for his kisses, wanting to feel his warm lips on yours, wanting to swallow every single breath he puffed. There was nothing quite like roaming your hands over his upper body, watching him squirm and gulp looking a bit troubled, like a caged tiger trying to hold himself from pouncing. You loved that he felt the same as you or at least almost. You love watching his fangirls that were hiding in the bushes or in the stairwells clench their teeth in jealousy. You love how only you could make him feel this way.

Unlike your first love, you were more guarded.

You didn’t believe in his “Didn’t even hurt”, “It’s no big deal” or even “I just need to get used to it.” Whenever you both had a problem you would lock yourselves in a room, forcing each other to talk it out. When you see his lips wobble, that was your cue to hide him in your chest or neck. Acting like you can’t see or hear him let a few tears out. You knew when to talk to him or just let him bring all his emotions out. Whenever he acted too much of a jerk you knew how to make him listen or see reason. Being a fairly difficult person, you made sure to keep misunderstandings at a low. You took extra steps to make him know he was the only one for you.

Unlike your first love, you were more willing to try.

Foregoing your studies to hangout with him. Sneaking out of your bedroom window watching him catch you with ease. Staying in his room after sunsets and waiting for him at his practices. Ditching everything you were doing because he sent an “I miss you” text, after he did the same when you did. Sharing everything together. While he wasn’t your first love, he was surely a lot of your firsts.

Unlike your first love, you knew where you stood and when to do something.

You knew he had a life to get back to when he was with you. You knew as much as he did when he said “I want to stay like this forever” he meant it. And the feeling was mutual. Being late to things was always something he did on purpose, but now it was just because of unawareness.

Unlike your first love, you were deeply in love.

It wasn’t for the thrill or even the bragging rights. You fell in love with his flaws. How every single flaw of him makes him– well him. No matter how awful they were to experience or how much he hid them, you appreciated the way he rants about what angered him throughout the day. How he snubs every person that gets on his short and little nerves. How he didn’t have the patience for anything. You fell in love with the way he wasn’t afraid to show his bad side to anyone and did the same to you. It felt genuine, human even.

His flaws made you accept yours. His flaws allowed you to love him in every way. You didn’t fall for his heartwarming smiles, his random gentlemen acts or simply, his good looks. You fell in love with Michael Kaiser as a whole…

“Over there! It’s Michael Kaiser!” A crowd of younger students formed at the entrance of your cafeteria.

You looked on, curious but not wanting to join the stampede. Thanks to his height however, you managed to see him. His blonde hair dyed with streaks of blue, his eyes matching the color of his color and his ever-smooth smile. That was your first encounter with him.

It would have been the last as well, if only he didn’t catch your mesmerized stare. His face showed no reaction. But you’ve already been in love once to recognize that kind of stare. And you would be an idiot to pass it up.

You stood, bawling your clammy hands, walking towards the commotion. His gaze was locked on yours before moving to gently push the female students in his way until they cleared the path.

Towards you.

Finally, only space was in between both of you.

A hand was confidently reached out to you as a velvety voice interrupted the silence you were suddenly made aware of.

“...Hi. I’m Michael. Michael Kaiser…”

A smile crept before it turned to tip further on one side.

“Michael Kaiser…would you like a picture with me?” You asked, watching as his smile turned further and further up as if he was flirting.

“How about your number instead?”

#blue lock #bllk #bllk x y/n #bllk x reader #bllk x you #bllk fluff #blue lock x reader #blue lock x you #kaiser x reader #kaiser x you #kaiser x y/n #michael kaiser #michael kaiser x reader #kyu rots #HHHHHHHHHHH #I'M OBSESSED KSHDKWJDKS

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