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lacunamatatasworld · 2 years

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she looked at the girl that was looking back at her with hazel eyes that held their shared moments and all the love she gives. the dark-eyes that held a whirlwind of emotions broke the silence. hazel-eyed girl did not listen because her mind took a painful walk down memory lane.

in an empty room with hundreds of worn out books aligned on a dusty shelf, hazel met dark through the holes of an empty bookshelf. the eye contact that felt like forever lasted only a few seconds before the dark eyes looked away uninterested. hazel was in a trance by the light that her dark eyes reflected in that moment. hazel walked around to the other side of the shelf in hopes of getting more than just eye contact and maybe the dark-eyed girl hoped for that too because it came true. the two girls fell on the ground together. dark-eyes looked down into hazel-eyes with a slight interest, or at least that’s what hazel thinks because of the smirk on dark’s face. the feeling of flames ignited on hazel’s freckled cheeks and dark was only fueling the fire.

“do you need me to go get a fire extinguisher for that pretty face of yours, miss?”

“—can’t do this” dark only saw her mouth moving because she was hardly listening.

“here i’ll open your door for you,” dark eyes quickly got out of the car, “because obviously i’m the dyke here.”

“thank you, kind sir” hazel giggled into her black, silky, long-sleeved flannel, “what a gentleman.”

hazel got close as she could to dark as they walked into the theaters to watch a movie. to her, it felt almost right to stand by the slightly shorter girl’s side, but that secret will be kept to herself for a very long time.

the two girls walked out of the theatre hand-in-hand, one of them was leaning into the other for emotional support. hazel looked at dark eyes with curiosity.

she wanted to know what made her cry, because the movie that they saw together didn’t. she wanted to bring joy into her everyday life and make everyday an adventure. it was awful that she already wanted to do so much with a girl she’s known for a couple of weeks, but she went along with her feelings.

dark-eyes looked at hazel with adoration and gave her a kiss on the cheek before getting back into her car to go home.

“——please understand that” hazel eyes continued to yell at the girl with dark eyes.

“plea— stop ticking me!“ the hazel-eyed girl’s eyes were closed as she was struggling to keep her breath steady and shout at the same time. dark-eyes mischievously smirked down at the other girl and that smirk turned into a small smile when she remembered their first encounter.

dark-eyed girl’s eyes got darker when she decided she wanted to mess with hazel and make a mess out of her. she slowly dragged the tip of her pointer finger up the other’s thigh while maintaining intense eye-contact. if you had to use one word to describe the look on hazel’s face- it would be red.

dark-eyes laughed and retreated her hand back to its previous position. the two laid next to one another and talked about their favorite things together for what felt like an eternity.

“it was always my dream to someday travel around the world, take pictures in every location and create beautiful moments.” hazel eyes turned her head to look at the side of dark eyes face after she had said that.

she seemed to be a bit frustrated, eyebrows furrowed and a frown on her pale face. “do you want me to travel with you?”

it was hazel eyes’s turn to frown. “no—“ she sighed, “no that wasn’t what i was implying. it’s just my dream and i’d prefer following it on my own.” she really meant the opposite of her said words but she didn’t want to overwhelm dark-eyes in the slightest bit.

“you and i,” hazel eyes’ voice was trembling with hurt and rage, “wait— there never was a you and i.”

her midnight black bangs swayed with the sudden breeze and once again fell back onto her forehead. the moon’s beams bounced off of her wet hair and gave her and hazel eyes light. her dark eyes absorbed the white rays, you probably couldn’t tell the difference between her eyes and a solar eclipse. the bridge of her nose scrunched up when hazel eyes threw water into her face and she laughed. if her laugh was a happy song, hazel would listen to it on repeat. her smile put the moon and stars combined to shame. the freckles on her cheeks reminded her of the craters that reside on the moon, beautiful markings that make her even more insanely beautiful. her small frame was striking and the curves that shape her body were mesmerizing. the craters that were on her cheeks go all the way down to her stomach. hazel wanted nothing more in that moment than to kiss dark eyes as if they were one other’s oxygen supply.

“so you meant to tell me that you never liked me,” hazel was hardly keeping herself from falling. “that you just wanted someone to mess around with, someone’s heart to break apart, shard after shard, until they’re nothing but shattered glass in the palm of your fucking hand?”

#storytelling #girls.#love #short story #sad boi hours #lgbtqia #lgbt literature #lgbtq representation #lesfic #gay girls #romance #literature #old writing #writing #queer writers #writeblr #excerpt from a book i'll never write

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lacunamatatasworld · 2 years

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she's a mess

no , not the "mess" that people call themselves on tumblr. not that kind.

not the kind where their emotions are files listed from a-z until all of a sudden someone scatters them around and displaces them. not that either.

she's that kind of mess where there isn't much to mess up, it was already. it's like an imaginary mess. it's something that comes and goes within her mind. one minute she's okay, but the next something fills up her mind and drowns her real self to the bottom, where she has no chance of getting back to the surface until what was present inside her mind was done, for the time being.

she tried to fight against this for a very long while, she didn't want to be controlled by the imaginary mess that is her mind. it was trying to cloud her small portion of mind that she still keeps for herself, the only bit of sanity that she has left and it's slipping away from her fingers. she fought and fought and FOUGHT for a very long time, but she wasn't getting any control over what is rightfully hers. she soon came to realization that this was how it was always going to be, locked up inside a small space where she has no say in what she does to her own self, where those who surround her body only know the imaginary mess, not HER.

she held onto the metal bars that she watched rust over the years. she looked past them into the mind of someone else, but her mind, at the same time. no one watched as she slowly forgot the reason why the metal bars that she was barely holding onto are all bent, they were proof that she tried and she's slowly forgetting, slowly rusting like the metal bars.

she stood there wondering if everyone felt the same way as her at one point, she wondered if everyone started out with a messed up blank canvas, but they all started to find the small shreds of paper missing and pieced it back together. if that's the way things worked, she thought what might have happened to her small pieces of paper. did they burn before they could reach her? did the imaginary mess inside her body steal it away from her?

she was tired, VERY tired and she was starting to lose her grip, lose her grip on the rusting metal bars, hope, and reality. the little space that is HER mind was becoming smaller by the second, the more her mind became less like her, she's slowly becoming a completely different person. she doesn't even reach the surface of the ocean in her mind anymore.

her eyes are clouded over and they're closing, just like her bit of mind and thoughts. she doesn't know what's right or wrong, what's left and what's right, when she can talk and when she can't. she didn't know anything at all like she did in the beginning where she could still envision the surface of the ocean and where she could see herself controlling it too. she's chained to the bottom of the ocean. she hardly remembers ever wanting to reach the top, because her mind is sinking and all she wants now is an end to the story. she didn't remember what it felt like to breathe in air, all she knows is the feeling of water in her lungs. she didn't want to try anymore, she wondered what the point was, when her cage was filled with water and she didn't want to be enveloped in it any longer.

now she IS the mess.