laxirena - Tumblr blog

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[laxirena]

Do You Still Have IG?

internet diet/temp. deactivated

[laxirena]

I’m in therapy again. 

2015 was probably the last good experience I had in therapy after that thing happened. I still think about it, not as much as before but it comes up now and then. I live in the same environment so i’m often nervous about my reaction to seeing people that hurt me (and maybe I also hurt). 

Coping has been rlly hard and i’ve made some rlly unhealthy choices. 

I’m in a v different place now in my life, but I’m back in therapy b/c sometimes those insecurities from my past creep up/spill over into the present. There are other factors/dynamics that are hard to deal with as well. 

A big part of my life I’ve had to deal with my dad’s substance abuse that not only impacted our relationship but also my introduction to a romantic relationship/partnership having watched my parents struggle to blend their lives together. Mom mostly taking a leading role while I became like a 3rd parent to my siblings. 

I want my current relationship to not only be successful but healthy. I want to accept and love myself because I have worked v hard to get here. There have been numerous times I’ve thought of giving up. Making sure I had a beneficiary assigned to all my accounts cause when I’d decide to leave everyone else would be financially comfortable... this is hard to admit. 

[laxirena]

I had the craziest crush on you years ago and I felt I might’ve fucked up what friendship we had only a little lol I was so stupid and young. Hope you’re in good spirits these days.

<3

[laxirena]

I love u, immensely. 

[laxirena]

maybe i’ll consider sharing short snippets about works of art i’ve been studying/ could help with my writing practice. 

[laxirena]

If I asked you to let me hit it again, would you let me? :)

I’ve let this linger in my inbox for too long. 

[laxirena]

Aquilano.Rimondi Fall 2017 RTW

[laxirena]

You’ve been extremely quiet about BLM.

You need to pour that energy somewhere else.  

Update: my initial response to this came from a defensive place which I now recognize and has caused me to really reflect and note that you feel my silence is complicity. You are right, I have been quiet online. The fact of the matter is my relationship with social media hasn’t been the healthiest for sometime and i’ve chosen to minimize my time spent online. I may not be posting black squares and protest attendance but I have continuously supported BLM through having conversations and taking action in forms I don’t need to boast about online. 

[laxirena]

I come here sometimes to visit the past. 

[laxirena]

a disservice to ourselves that we don’t get the time to react to our feelings and just toss them upon the rest of our emotions. Piling them on one by one waiting to be acknowledged. Healers need to be checked on too. 

[laxirena]

In my uniform. On two separate days. A version of D8s. 

[laxirena]

misty fog days/lover on a walk  

[laxirena]

 i ‘ve known you for this long and still I seek your most inner layers. I want to know all of you as I know the feeling of all of you. Pressed on me. To many more years by your side. My favorite human. 

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