lee-swallowtail

[lee-swallowtail]

The sky may have been blushing. The wind may have been cheering me on. The whole world just may have been singing "kiss her" in that single, vital moment.

But I had left the world behind long before. It was as if my heart weren't even beating.

Any other time, if I were gone, ghosting my own physical form, shutting off for the week, I could have waited.

But I needed to be on earth that one day. And I wasn't.

[lee-swallowtail]

Weekend alone

[lee-swallowtail]

Been writing a song for my girlfriend cause learning the Paramore song she added to our playlist apparently isn't enough for me. I'm thinking it'll still use the same chords(a cheeky reference to one of her favorite artists), but why spend the time to learn all of that just to recite words that don't even tell our story?

Is this too much? Not sure what romance is. I've only seen it in movies.

[lee-swallowtail]

Writing, writing, projecting, writing...

[lee-swallowtail]

Dear thinking machine

That gives advice to survive:

Should I question you?

[lee-swallowtail]

Back on my cheesy bullshit again gladly

[lee-swallowtail]

If I were a mayfly,

I would be happy,

Just so long as

You flew with me.

Love is eternal,

Love is a minute,

Love is as long

As it should be.

[lee-swallowtail]

When all your dreams are coming true, sleeping loses some of its appeal.

[lee-swallowtail]

Open Secret

Second only to the agoraphobia-inducing quad,

The amphitheater is a vulnerable place to be:

Line of sight pours over the top of the sunlit valley;

The stage, trapped helplessly at the bottom, is a stark brick-red.

But behind it, between solid brick and shady foliage,

Carpeted in mulch and furnished by wide-armed patio chairs,

Is a homey nook not unlike a master bedroom.

Anyone, even you, could see this if they paid attention,

Tried a different angle and really looked...

But nobody would.

[lee-swallowtail]

Me and you:

Play-by-ear and know-by-sight

Stopping at a set of tracks

to watch a train go by.

Me and you:

Pastel stripes and monochromes

Kicking rocks and watching birds,

continuing to roam.

You and me:

Iced coffee and hot chai tea

Killing endless time

with our feet up in a swing.

You and me:

Final girl and manic dream

Not sure what the future is,

but it for sure holds you and me.

[lee-swallowtail]

Ought

We dream of how things ought to be,

But our world is always flawed.

Have hope for man's humanity,

But human love does not bless all.

It may be "faithless" to form laws,

Where born dissenters they protect,

But reminisce, for come the Fall,

We find each soul is incorrect.

And whether or not we elect,

A darkness rises in our souls:

A tribal clique, so faux perfect

That always leaves one in the cold.

So every decade, we are sold

Which brethren's refuge to resist,

But as averted eyes grow old,

Neglected natures still persist.

Perhaps I am a nihilist.

One question fuels my apathy:

What signs from heaven have we missed

While clinging to what ought to be?

[lee-swallowtail]

My mom told me

"You should date a country guy.

They're hard working, and sweet,

And you'll feel safe."

I said I don't like country vibes.

My mom told me

"You should learn about football.

You'll gain a man's heart if

You like their sport."

I said sports sound kind of awful.

At every turn my mom told me

Another thing I'll want to be

I said "impossible," but that might be a lie.

With every scoff, every retort,

The issue wasn't farms or sports.

I simply wouldn't do all that for just a guy.

In my own time

I saw a flash of plaid and blue jeans,

Heard a twang too recognizable.

My heart skipped a beat.

I might like blue jeans.

In my own time

A whistle blew, a ball went into play,

And voices chanted.

I watched in a daze.

I go to every game.

At every turn in later years,

My scoffs and chuckles turned to cheers.

But if someone thinks I changed, I won't concurr.

I opened up my heart a bit

To see if someone's life would fit.

No, not for him, but I can try it all for her.

[lee-swallowtail]

This is my vending machine

But last time I used it, it just took the quarter.

Here. Let me buy something for you.

You don't need to pay me back.

I'm used to spending dime after dime

On its near worthless contents.

Please. Just allow me.

This thing is old and broken.

I don't want it to take your money.

No. I'm serious. Stop it.

Put your dollar away.

There's no guarantee you'll get it back.

Are you listening?

I will pay. After all,

This is my vending machine.

[lee-swallowtail]

since the old version of this post was flagged for 'adult content'...

reblog this post if your account is a trans safe space or owned by a trans person!

along with that, reblog if your account is a trans non-binary spectrum safe space or owned by someone on the trans enby spectrum!

[lee-swallowtail]

Outside on a quiet, late afternoon, a garden hose runs. It's sunbleached, cracking, and full of kinks that are permanently creased into its rubber casing. It's not properly twisted on, or maybe it's broken, because water leaks from beneath the knob into the unkempt grass. A muddy puddle is forming. Still, the hose runs idly. Unbothered.

Inside the house is the faint pitter-patter of happy footsteps, roaming further away, then closer, then further in a different direction. The indiscernible lyrics of some pop song flow out a cracked window somewhere.

The water pressure in the hose drops greatly for around 20 seconds.

The music abruptly halts. The water returns to flowing at its usual rate. There's the faster ba-dump of footsteps.

The creak of a backdoor violently swinging open. More light footsteps and panting. A pair of bare legs, no shoes, covered halfway by a loosely wrapped white towel races through the grass, stopping haphazardly in front of the knob, splashing water and mud up against the house and onto the towel. A hand fumbles for the knob, twisting clockwise over and over until finally, the hose stops. There's a sigh of relief.