lemon-badger-77

[lemon-badger-77]

Into the fire

I wish I could let everything fall For a month or so And come back a better man. But I've got to hold on to it all Till my lungs give out I'm doing the best I can. —- —--- - – - – And so I throw myself back into the fire, Wishing it would cease to burn. But as long as it does, the flames are my home. The only thing I've ever known And I don't think I will ever learn.

[lemon-badger-77]

the call is a cacophony

Maybe the call is coming from inside the house. Maybe the call, after all, Is a cacophony Voices bouncing off of me, Screaming, crying "let us free" But I cannot reach the lock and key.

[lemon-badger-77]

In the end

In the end, was it worth it? Did you feel you had a purpose? Are you happy with the words That left your mouth?

In the end, aren't you tired? Of being false, of being a liar? Do you feel guilty for the fires That you set on sacred ground?

Just look at what you've done, Broken walls and pooling blood. You've played us all for fools, But there's nothing left for you to rule.

How can I convince you That you've left the path of virtue? I mean, I don't want to hurt you, But you don't have that worry, do you?

I hope you're happy in your ruins, Playing by yourself. You've made my nightmares true and I think I’ll speak for everyone else,

You should know we think you’re wasteful, Short-sighted and distasteful, All your plans and words are hated, We don’t think your rise was fated.

We might keep quiet now, to your face, But you don’t hear the whispers in many a place, In run-down bars, and in the field. The heart of the people will never yield.

You may have your reign, For a day, for a time. You'll have your power, alright. Fine. But we'll never be swayed As our future’s on the line.

[lemon-badger-77]

Metamorphosis

I spent so long waiting for a hero, But never one came despite the call. I'm learning after all That nobody else knows how. Only I can save me now.

It is time to shutter the lantern dim, It is time to become him. Time to break the circle, cycle. Time to be the things that I know That I need, abandon greed and Really look inside of me.

It's no surprise I've been lacking A hero. My chrysalis is cracking And out I crawl, wet and alive, Daring to breathe, in new skin and eyes, Hoping to learn just how to fly. I am different than before, Shaken up anew and sore, Leaving behind unsettled scores.

My wings are drying, still they glisten. There's a song in my blood, if I listen. And the rhyme is different now. How, I can't explain. All my constituent parts remain, But not the same. The time of the rhyme has changed. I've grown lemon-lime from acid rain, And I will never go back again.

I'm a new man, a new beast. A new fan, a new feast. And as my wings begin to flutter, I go to the lantern and open the shutter.

[lemon-badger-77]

Only Father Time will tell

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, But you don't kiss 100% of the hearts that you break. Maybe you'll break even. Even then, You never know When Or where they'll show, And who is lining up to meet you, Who is pining, who would treat you Right or better yet, treat you better. Yet you write, You claim you've made a name For yourself, but someone else

Might call you just as well. Might follow you to hell, Or know just how to spell A new name for you and your shame. Someone might paint you not the same, Strange and not insane, And somehow still your self remains.

Someone might fineline your eyes, Line your spine and your mind, Find you fine and love your lines. And with no flame, Burn away the shame And on no smoke lift you up to fame.

And whether to sing or to ring the bell, Only Father Time will tell.

[lemon-badger-77]

Stark raving sane

If my cross to bear is loving too deep, I’ll carry it gladly, and whenever I weep At the loss of a love or a friend It’s because I knew them, before the end. And for a little more time, I dared to hope, But I am never numb enough to cope.

My heart touches many, heedless of their flaws, I will care for their shine, needless of a cause. Each hand I hold may lead to pain, But to feel it, might mean I am stark raving sane.

[lemon-badger-77]

[untitled] - CW for SA reference

You may have my body But you'll never have my mind If I need, I'll break free And leave my flesh behind. And say it will mean Nothing to me, Though it changes how I breathe.

Lying in bed, Monday morning, There was no warning.

And another bed, This time speaking but for nothing, Heard but not heeded, For I was what he needed.

And another bed, somebody else, This time finally sovereign of myself, But I lost a friend for saying no. Was it worth it? I'd say so

And every time I draw a line Before and after. Tears follow laughter. Can't put trust back When my worth was under attack. Can't stop how I shake, How I freeze, How I relearn how to breathe.

[lemon-badger-77]

A walk in the park

We wander We walk through the dark Sidewalk, stairs, stare at a strange statue, Parking lot, picking our way, wayfinding Hearts slowly binding

Trees circle us, falling asleep for the winter, Leaves falling at our feet and they skitter, Scatter like the streetlight through the bare branches above, Fingers reaching but never touching.

And we stop at a dead end path in the dark And wonder why it is here. But why are we here?

And I look up, up, up past the clouds to see a few stars How distant they are.

And how small I feel, And yet So startlingly real And you too are close, too close to reveal My heart is on my sleeve but I'm wearing a coat overtop, And it's dark anyways. And we linger in the dark, not naming why Remaining flaming shy

You ask me if I believe in aliens Out there in the stars. And I say I do, though they would be different Than we think they are. I don't name the strangeness inside me, How sometimes I am the alien.

And all I know is I want to kiss you Here in the dark, Here in the park, Here in the city under the stars, But today I am not brave. And you are not either An awkward hug is what comes of it

And how will I know when is right? I know it will be night. The stars are watching, But they have no sight.

[lemon-badger-77]

Stranger in the mist

A stranger passes me in the mist If I reach out and touch his wrist Would it lead to something I'd enjoy? Or something that I'd rather destroy? Would it be anything new at all? Would it start with a bang, or a smoldering small Little light in the mist, parting the dark, Lighting the path for a while past the mark Of where I had met him, that face new and odd. Would he make me feel special, make me feel flawed? There's no way to know without taking the risk. And it scares me, it does. That's why I write this, Hoping it settles the scramble afoot in my brain, Which tries to predict the pleasure and pain.

[lemon-badger-77]

Nothing at all?

Nothing to hold you up Means nothing to hold you down Nothing to make you smile, Might mean nothing to make you frown. Nothing to make you happy Might mean nothing to make you cry, But if you're not feeling sappy, Are you even alive?

[lemon-badger-77]

The Storm and the Sailor

I am the storm and I am the sailor, Riding the waves, dooming myself to failure, Ignoring the truth of what must come later. I am the beast, and the sword that slayed her,

Stabbing myself where I'm soft and unbound. I am undone and alarmed at the sound Of bricks and mortar crumbling to the ground As my wrecking ball smashes the home I have found.

I am the face and I am the smack, Cursing yet causing the spreading of cracks. Try though I might, I keep sliding back To old patterns and problems and modes of attack.

I ruin my chances with those I hold dear By chasing fancies and phantoms my mind conjures here. I'll never quite learn who I am, I fear, Or just how to stop the falling chandelier.

[lemon-badger-77]

Embodiment

Being is a state of coming undone, Laughing at the unraveling while it's still fun. I hold my head high and I carry on, But sooner or later, something always feels wrong. And gradually the dissonance grows. I can deny it no more, and the damage shows. My hands shake, when once they were deft. I stumble downhill, and I fall to the left, Rolling and burning like logs in a fire, Changing in nature each time I inquire. And it's too much pain to remain the same. Truthfully, it's less to change.

And with great effort I forge myself into something new. I begin to admire the self that I grew. I shrug off the ash, and the tears and the fears, And my form it feels right, despite the years Of feeling like I was someone else. And maybe I was someone else at the time, But that form, that frame of mind, is no longer mine. And it's too much pain to remain the same, And truthfully, it's less to change.

I'm not who I could be, but more than I've been, Gloriously human and never machine, With lungs full of love, arms holding delight, It does not matter what may or what might. I'll paint on some stripes, and walk on all fours, If that's what it takes to stay mine and not yours. And I'll carry on crawling or flying until The wrongness brings me back down to the base of my hill. And when it's too much pain to remain the same, I'll keep in mind, it's less to change.

[lemon-badger-77]

Birdcage Blues

When your wings begin to tire And you feel the need to rest I'll wrap you up with silver wire And tuck you into my chest. This rib[bird]cage was not purpose built To hold a friend, but I'm wise. With careful screws and traces of g[u]ilt My skeleton I'll improvise.

Large and small, our fates are linked. We'll travel the world together. In later years, my skin will be inked With etchings of your feathers.

[lemon-badger-77]

The Devil, he lied

He doesn't know much but he knows that he's tired, Feeling out of touch with the way that he's wired, Still trying to clutch his heavy attire Of feathers and such, while the cannons are fired. The war has begun and he fights on both sides. Two hearts in one, and at dawn he rides For hope of some fun or a comrade beside. He was told there were none, but the Devil, he lied.

[lemon-badger-77]

Hunter or Hind

Tired of being the hunter, I think that I'll be the hind. Running swift through the trees, But then brought to my knees By something I never could find The words to describe. And then I'll be prized More than when I stood On four feet. Though the wood Was my home and I'll miss it, I know that I'll kiss it Goodbye for the chance To be given more than a glance. They'd mount my head in a cabin And wherever they're standing, I'd watch them with glassy black eyes. And with zero shame. Yes, it's time I became The prize.

[lemon-badger-77]

does anyone wanna hold hands until we feel a little braver

[lemon-badger-77]

Carve out a Home

Who am I now, and who have I been? The things I went through, they cannot be unseen. I’m the same as before, but a little more broken, My self-preservation was far too soft-spoken.

And why is the treasure I have, never wanted Why can’t I see what I have? Why does it feel like my memories are haunted By feeling that it was a sham?

What does it mean to be lonely, What does it mean to be loved? Is it roses and pink, something warm to drink Or somebody you’re dreaming of?

And how do you know when you’re wanted? How do you know where to roam? How do you know when to let it all go And where it’s safe to carve out a home?

Feeling all alone in the world, The only soul on this earth. But when my flag has unfurled, I see I’ve not been alone since my birth.

The longer I think, the more questions I grow, Keep pondering on and the less I do know. Not sure if the cure is to speed or to slow, Just know that I want something sweeter below.