lethalpsychopomp

[lethalpsychopomp]

I feel bad for bugs being born into this world the disgusting creatures they are, but I simultaneously envy their freedom, unique beauty and their innate coexistence and reliance with everything natural

I hate bugs because I want to be one :(

[lethalpsychopomp]

Soul Burning, Heart Crushing, Flower Growing Kind of Love

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A cataclysmic love that will burn my tongue if I dare whisper the truth of how it feels. 

A love so primal, so natural, it destroys all human creation. 

A cataclysmic love that will set the world to burn with three simple words... 

I love you.

[lethalpsychopomp]

I'm an angry person because my will to live has been restored and manifests in a fiery hatred for many things

[lethalpsychopomp]

Now who the hell would vandalize a city sign like this

[lethalpsychopomp]

A lot of our own interpretations of God are based on the humanization of Him (the pronoun should be non-gendered, but for ease of separation, I'll refer to It as "Him"). We assign human emotions to encapsulate who God is in reference to how we feel about religion as a whole. If we view religion as purifying and wholesome, our perception of Him will reflect that. And if our view of Him is hostile and tyrannical, our perceptions will reflect that as well.

God is a transcendental being that emerges far beyond any human rationalization, and yet we ascribe mundane definitions to Him, thus deifying ourselves. Is this detrimental to our perceptions or beneficial? Does that separation between divine and mortal need a barrier, or are we all "God" in our own way? Does equating our personhood to that of a Supreme Being flaw us; and if we are capable of being flawed are we really divine at all?

[lethalpsychopomp]

[lethalpsychopomp]

Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up.

This is what I repeated to myself as I was laying in my bed. It wasn't a command, it was a plea.

"please get up! Right foot then left. You can't stay like this! Make your bed, you'll feel better. It's not hard. One small calculated move at a time..." encapsulated by two small words. Get. Up.

I was begging myself to do something. To get ready. All the while the anxiety kept building. The tingling sensation in my fingertips and teeth intensified. And I couldn't stop it.

At this moment I had a scary thought. As I was laying there, seemingly emotionless I thought to myself "do I need help?"

Yeah... A scary thought...

[lethalpsychopomp]

The Flame

By MRYM

The flame

As it holds the purifying ways

Repelling my sins,

my devious shames

I plead And plead

(and plead

and plead)

For the merciful need;

The fame-ous way

You say

"I protect, I save"

Your poems

Your promises

Of redeemable, irredeemables

Those who believe in your feeble assurances

And you hear me say

"I'm not selling my soul to this possible blame!"

And yet here's that same flame

Feminine

And strong

And unwillingly baring the blame

(anyways...)

[lethalpsychopomp]

MRYM

[lethalpsychopomp]

What was your first experience with love? How did it shape the way you view love now?

My first experience with love was with a man who I barely knew. We met and had gotten to know eachother over a span of 4 months. I didn't know I loved him at the time. Maybe I just loved the idea of him. The idea that I could possibly be loved by someone other than those who had to. This was never a relationship and it could never be one. But I loved the way he smiled, the way he talked to me, the attention he gave me. He made me feel understood, or rather that I was worthy of being understood; like I could be something more than the flaws that I had harboured. It made me feel like I was unlovable after the feelings I had turned into nothing more. It made me feel stupid when he left.

[lethalpsychopomp]

3/6/24

I am unhappy. I don't know why, but it feels as though my existence is plagued with discomfort. It permeates through my being, with no known source.

I feel anxious and unmotivated. I feel deeply insecure and insufficient. I hate to say it, but when I think of Aristotle saying "a woman is the incompleteness of a man," it resonates with me. Not to say that all women are, but I am.

And it is not that I view myself relative to what a man is perceived to be, I just feel incomplete and that quote is what I thought of.

Who knows, maybe my subconscious is suggesting that I am viewing myself relative to a man even though it is not in my conscious state as I am writing this.

[lethalpsychopomp]

MRYM

[lethalpsychopomp]

I've realized recently that ever since I was young, I perceived God as this egotistic, narcissistic being that was inherently selfish at its core. I couldn't fathom how a being so great could create an entire species for the mere purpose of being worshipped. That's what I was told. That God created us so that we could worship him.

[lethalpsychopomp]

Maybe I should stop trying to figure out why. It's possible that a journey strongly based beyond the temporal nature of our persons should only be pursued through pure instinct rather than anything else.

[lethalpsychopomp]

There's a popular belief that an individual is moulded by the people they surround themselves with. It's true, we take hints of the admirable traits we perceive in our company and implement them in our own personal developments. However, I think a more significant cause in the construction and revelation of our true identity is reflected through our experiences. More so our negative experiences.

A happy or enlightening experience can change your world and alter your perspective, but experiences that encourage strong emotions of anger, fear and/or grief are more transformative to and of a person in their core. It alters their perception of themselves rather than their perception of the world, which can be argued (with not much disagreement) to be more dangerous

[lethalpsychopomp]

Trying to navigate through a developing identity while harbouring the need to comply with pressures of society; yet somehow wanting to simultaneously reject everything deemed "normal" or "desirable" for the sake of sanity...