likeabanana

[likeabanana]

this is beautiful and will be the premise of my next crackship fanfic. honestly I might shove ultra niche shit in there like kleks or Para palace

So I work at a video game store in a mall and across the hall from us is this really nice suit shop. One day one of the guys came in an asked if they could use our microwave (the store they used to go to closed down) and we bargined for use of their bathroom in return since the mall bathrooms are like a 5 min trek.

So for like three months now we just have these men in really nice suits come in and talk while using our microwave and teach them about nerdy shit? Then I, the goblin king in various shitty tee shirts and paint stained pants, walk into their super expensive store and just get greeted with “Yo dude what’s good?” and talk about the pains of steaming silken dress shirts properly and it’s my favorite business interaction every day

[likeabanana]

if Eddie was rhe one to go over to the adult film section and see theres no gay "there's no man on man, but oh man we could make a tape. fill those shelves up..."

Welcome to the Lube Chute!

Some We're-A-Package-Deal Summer Job Stobin crack, dedicated to @griefabyss69. Also shout out to @wynnyfryd who said the Lube Chute sounded like the location of Stobin's next fail summer job after Family Video got destroyed. "No, I'm telling you, Steve. We have to say it every time."

"We have to say, 'Welcome to the Lube Chute, where our main goal is fillin' all your holes,' every time?"

"Every time." Robin shrugged her shoulders. "It's the whole 'ocean of flavor' thing all over again." She'd started at the Lube Chute a week before him, owing to his need to hover over Eddie while his body knitted itself back together. By the time Steve had decided Eddie could get to the fridge and the bathroom on his own, she had been deemed competent enough to show him the register and inventory procedures.

"Yeah, except 'ocean of flavor' was about ice cream," Steve said. "And this is about, you know, rubber dicks."

"That's the way of stupid retail, huh." Robin sighed dramatically and hopped upon the counter. Next to her sat an open box of flavored lubes. She picked up a pricing gun and started affixing them with stickers.

A few minutes later, the door dinged with the sound of someone pushing their way into the shop. A regular-looking latino man in jeans and a faded Zeppelin tee stepped into the shop.

Steve gave Robin a pleading look, and she pulled her lips thin in sympathy and mouthed, "sorry, your turn." God. Welp. He may as well rip off the Band-Aid.

"Welcome to the Lube Chute," Steve said flatly, "where our goal is fillin' holes."

The guy snorted softly and went on his way, moving toward a rack of adult video tapes. Meanwhile, Robin kept her head down, looking pointedly to where she'd slapped a $.3.99 label onto a bottle of Maxxx Slick Strawberry.

"Like obviously I don't care," she said. "But it is 'where our main goal is fillin' all your holes.'"

"Ugh." Steve rolled his eyes up at the ceiling. "Why is it, like, so long?"

Curling his chin back around, he found the customer at the counter holding Dr. Lovesmuscles's Foot Long Schlong. The customer looked between it and Steve before raising his eyebrows. Shit and fuck. For the first time in literally ever, Steve wished he was back in those tiny Scoops shorts.

"I wasn't... I didn't mean the... I..." Steve stared at the guy over the counter and then gave up on trying to explain, punching things into the register as fast as he could so he could end the interaction. "So for the video and the toy, that comes to $18.39 with tax."

Steve made made change for a $20, put the guy's things into a nondescript brown paper bag, and then bit back a groan when he realized he had to embarrass himself one more time before it was all over.

"Thank you for visiting the Lube Chute. Remember if the base ain't flared, it doesn't go up there. Have a nice day!"

Next to him, Robin coughed into her elbow. When Steve looked over, he found her reading the back of one of the lube bottles, this one watermelon flavored.

"What do you think potassium sorbate even is?" Robin asked. "I mean, I know what potassium is. I passed chem and got into college—go Wildcats. Just... potassium sorbate. What does it even do?"

Steve stared at her for a long moment and then snatched the pricing gun from her hand. #

It was late July. August loomed and with it so did the end of possibly their last summer job together. After this, they were both slated to leave Hawkins. Robin to Northwestern, Steve to Chicago to be near her (and because it made sense as a base for Eddie to work on growing his music career.)

On this particular Wednesday, they had a huge shipment of video tapes to go through. Other than the scantily clad and sometimes fully nude women on the covers, it felt a lot like being back at Family Video. They quickly priced and stocked the tapes that were for sale, and then they worked on storing the covers for the rentals and putting them in the rental cases and then into the system.

"God, Steve, I am just, like, so gay," Robin whispered under her breath for the fifth or sixth time as she stared wide-eyed at a VHS cover. On it, a redheaded woman stared into the camera, her breasts exposed, her hand disappearing down the front of her very thin white panties. "You do know you can just, like, check one of these out, right?" Steve asked. "You're an adult. No one would—" Steve cut himself off when the bell over the door jingled. Jumping at the sound, Robin almost dropped the tape, fumbling with it several times before Steve snatched it from the air and handed it back to her. She was blushing hard when she went to put it into the computer.

One crisis averted, Steve turned toward the door to find one of the owners coming in. Shit.

Steve had slacked off on the welcome and goodbye phrases over the course of the summer because, well, he didn't want to say them. And now he wasn't sure he even remembered them properly. Shit, shit, shit.

He smiled and nodded as the owner approached the counter. Stephanie was a sleek, blonde woman who looked nothing like the kind of person you might expect to own a sex shop.

"Order come in okay?" she asked.

"Oh, uh, one damaged tape so far," Steve said. "Definitely an improvement over the last order."

'If the base is too...' No, that wasn't it.

"Love to hear that since I spent 3 hours yelling at the distributor after that incident."

'Where we fill holes for...' Definitely not.

"Yeah, right, sucked for us too beca—" Steve froze as a customer walked into the shop. He looked over at Robin, hoping to catch her eyes for a save, but she was laser-focused on sorting another box of tapes into alphabetical order for processing.

Fuck. Steve smiled at the incoming customer. Okay, he could do this. Deep breath, winning smile. "Welcome to the Lube Chute, where our main goal is fillin' all your holes."

Robin inhaled a deep gasp right around the same time that Stephanie burst into raucous laughter, throwing her head back and exposing her slender throat. In another life where he wasn't already tits over ass for Eddie Munson, he would've had to fall a little in love with her.

"Oh my God, that is too good." Stephanie wiped tears form her eyes with her thumbs and then giggled a few more times. "Jesus, Steve. Did you come up with that on your own?"

"Wha—?" Steve snapped his eyes over to Robin, who had her teeth set in grimace that would have been comedic at any other time. Shoulders pulled up around her ears, her eyes bled with apology.

Steve clenched his jaw and turned back to Stephanie, slipping into the most suave persona he could muster under those conditions. "Oh, you know, just thought you'd get a kick out of it."

"Well, you were right about that." Stephanie shook her head and grabbed the money bag to take it to the bank. "'Fillin' holes!" She laughed again on her way out the door.

Steve watched like a hawk as her car pulled out of the parking lot and then rounded on Robin, voice low as the customer browsed the "New Videos!" display.

"You told me we HAD to say..."

"Oh my God, I was gonna tell you after, like, a week, but then you stopped doing it on your own, so I just kinda..." Robin made a wobbly gesture with both hands, and Steve sighed deeply.

"You're walking home today," he said, but they both knew he didn't mean it, especially when his lunch break rolled around and he saved her half his orange as usual. # It was still July, and they could see the customer approaching from the parking lot. "Steve," Robin said. "Steve, please." "I want to point out that it's your own fault that you have to do this now, officially, as part of company policy. Because Stephanie liked it so much." "Steve, but..." Steve jutted his hip out against the counter and crossed his arms, waiting. With the same put-upon sigh he'd grown used to at Scoops and Family Video, Robin drew herself up taller and slapped her hands down on either side of the register. Through the front door, a fat woman with curly brown hair stepped into the shop. Robin beamed at her. "Welcome to the Lube Chute! Where our main goal is fillin' all your holes."

[likeabanana]

anyone wanna beta read my fanfic chapters before I post them?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54047503/chapters/136828807

tis my newest story and I need someone to make sure everything makes sense

[likeabanana]

Dog about to exit the room to get up to some tomfoolery in the living room

me: nu uh mister get back over here

dog turns too quickly and bonks his head on the doorframe

me: oh poor baby did you hurt yourself? do you need me to kiss it better? did that singular thought inside your brain rattle around in there?

bf: no actually, his brother has the singular thought rn

[likeabanana]

YOURE TELLING ME I PREDICTED SHIT?

if it was Nesta and Lucien instead of Feyre and Tamlin.

Nesta: I will fix you

Lucien: I don't need fixi-

Nesta: I will fix you either like a dog or like a man, wether I snip off your balls or you surrender them to me.

Lucien: ... (am I attracted to this?)

[likeabanana]

.... when you're scrolling in the middle of the night on Christmas and find out you're anonymously Tumblr famous

google citing ao3 as a source is so unhinged

[likeabanana]

I got my own kitty yesterday! took the kitty a day to warm up to me but it happened they were playing earlier so we decided to do the tiktok trend where pets pick their own pronouns and religious orientation etc and

drumroll please

he's a he! born a lady, will be raised a man !

we will do the pronoun check every year to make sure , ill post the video next

also his name is houdini, didi for short

[likeabanana]

BIRFDAY!! ITS BIRFDAY WOOOO YES MY BDAY WOOP WOOPPPP

[likeabanana]

bf: i just saw the tiktok about brr baskets and because of you I thought that said burr basket like Aaron burr

me: (mumbled) excuse me... are you Aaron burr.. sir..?

bf: that depends.. who's asking?

me: (forgetting the song entirely) I'm... not quite sure sir..

bf: Alexander Hamilton I'm at your service sir- how do I know this song better than you?!

[likeabanana]

today on things my monster in law says /<3

we were at an Arby's drive through and she begins ordering. halfway through the person taking the order changes and it goes from a girl employee to a boy

MIL: OH MY G- you were a girl! I didn't know transgender happened that fast!

AW: lol

ME: by the way she doesn't mean that in a homophobic way she has two trans kids

AW: OH lol that's good

ME: ya were back here we got kidnapped

and I smack my hand to the back window that's slightly tinted

AW: that's ok

to my bf next to me

ME: th- that's ok??

MIL: you guys haven't been kidnapped you've been trans napped!

[likeabanana]

omg it turns out I was completely right to not like tamlin!!

Feyre JUST got out of a being trapped in a cell situation and you MAKE IT SO SHE CANT LEAVE?!

[likeabanana]

if it was Nesta and Lucien instead of Feyre and Tamlin.

Nesta: I will fix you

Lucien: I don't need fixi-

Nesta: I will fix you either like a dog or like a man, wether I snip off your balls or you surrender them to me.

Lucien: ... (am I attracted to this?)

[likeabanana]

I found it!!

There was a post i saw once that I'd like to show my partner, it was someone showing a scenario where their character was baby talking to a bear(?) Their bear ..? And the characters boyfriend was speaking posh to it?

How I remember it :

(Some sort of speech bubble request thing)

*comic drawing of a woman baby talking to a bear*

*second comic drawing of a man congratulating the bear on a job well done or something*

I honestly don't remember it that wrll but I told my partner about it and I want to now show them

[likeabanana]

There was a post i saw once that I'd like to show my partner, it was someone showing a scenario where their character was baby talking to a bear(?) Their bear ..? And the characters boyfriend was speaking posh to it?

How I remember it :

(Some sort of speech bubble request thing)

*comic drawing of a woman baby talking to a bear*

*second comic drawing of a man congratulating the bear on a job well done or something*

I honestly don't remember it that wrll but I told my partner about it and I want to now show them

[likeabanana]

[likeabanana]

A 10,000 person protest could flip and torch a few cop cars, but 100 people acting independently could cut the valve stems on 100 different cop cars and render them unusable and unrepairable

A 10,000 person protest could smash some windows of businesses and offices, but 100 people could superglue 100 buildings’ locks shut overnight

A 10,000 person protest could loot a few stores, but 100 people skillfully and persistently shoplifting could liberate just as much over time

1,000 people could blockade the construction of an oil pipeline, but it only takes 1 to turn the emergency shutoff valve on an existing one

100 people could camp in treehouses and prevent a clearcutting, but it only takes 1 to spike a few trees to drastically slow them down or even destroy their equipment

I’m not saying that mass actions aren’t important - no doubt, they accomplish things that couldn’t be done otherwise - but be aware of what can get done independently when those protests aren’t coming together. Get creative, stay active, direct action gets the good