lilacstormclouds - Tumblr blog

[lilacstormclouds]

It feels like my life is crumbling.

I feel like I'm drowning in the stress of my own life.

I'm suffering.

[lilacstormclouds]

i had shut myself off from everyone that it feels so weird to socialize again.

Like I'm able to do it but it doesnt seem like it's the right thing to do?

It's 3:18am at the time I'm writing this.

I'm NEVER up this late but I cant get my brain to shut off.

Did I make the right choices?

Did I say the right things?

I dont know.

[lilacstormclouds]

it's all "support autistic/neurodivergent people bc they're human too!" until we start showing traits that aren't "uwu cutesy~" . it's all "support autistic/neurodivergent people!" until we call you out on your casual ableism. it's all "support autistic/ND people!" until we need you to actually stand up for us when our rights and autonomy are violated.

don't say you support neurodivergent people if you only support us when it's convenient for you.

NTs, I encourage you to reblog.

[lilacstormclouds]

The feminine urge to tell him I love when he says things like “my pretty girl” or “my baby” and how i love the way he makes me get shy and nervous around him (in the best way possible) 

sigh, someday i’ll admit it. 

someday. 

[lilacstormclouds]

i hope he doesn’t notice the way my eyes get all watery when he calls me beautiful or the way my face gets red when he calls me his girl. 

he wouldn’t let me live it down if he did. 

[lilacstormclouds]

something about the way his eyes shine in the sun and the way he says my name.

i really hope i get to marry him. he brings out this other side of me, and i feel like myself around him. i dont feel like that anywhere else.

i fake and mirror a personality around everyone else, but he's the one person i feel safe enough with to just let it all go.

he has my entire heart, and i hope i get to call him mine for another few years.

[lilacstormclouds]

it's not my place to say shit but mfs are SERIOUSLY pissing me off.

stop milking shit YOU caused. YOU arent innocent.

[lilacstormclouds]

It's so hard to find a job while being disabled and I hate it.

I fucking hate it.

I wish this world was easier for me but it's not.

[lilacstormclouds]

I miss him.

I really hope I can see him this year.

Id do anything to see him.

[lilacstormclouds]

I hope he knows just how much he means to me. I'm not lying when I say he's my best friend.

This man can see me at my absolute worst, but he still manages to love me.

I dont think I've ever admitted to him just how scared I was when we first started dating, because I was convinced he would leave.

I dont think he realizes the impact his words have on me. He's not super affectionate, atleast not in the "normal" way, but he can say the sweetest things that leave me in tears every time.

He sent me this paragraph once, and to this day, I go back and read it whenever I get too depressed because it was literally the sweetest and most beautiful thing someone has ever said or thought about me.

He loves me? The girl who cries when she's the slightest bit uncomfortable? The girl who cannot remember important shit for the life of her, but remembers that one thing he mentioned a year and a half ago?

I feel like I dont deserve him or his love sometimes. I've done bad things in the past. I was abused. I'm still broken in places despite working so hard to repair myself. He shouldnt put up with a total fucking mess, but he still stands by my side.

I love him unconditionally. I wont ever be able to feel love for someone like this again, and I'm so so fucking scared of losing it all. I truly dont wanna fuck this up. I dont wanna lose my best friend. I want our happily ever after like we've talked about. I wanna get old with him, and bully the hell out of him when he goes grey.

[lilacstormclouds]

SANRIO X JUJUTSU KAISEN

PHONE WALLPAPER

original belongs to @ dmsco1803

[lilacstormclouds]

Rambling about my Tourettes

I used to hate myself for my tics, and at times, I still do.

I was 13 when my tics manifested. It happened a week after my grandma's death so everyone said "Rain's doing it for attention, ignore her." I was crying and begging for someone to make it stop because I couldn't control it.

Doctors refused to diagnose me until I was 17. I was ticcing in front of my doctor and I begged her for help. Finally, someone listened.

I got my diagnosis on February 20, 2020. I've spent the last almost two years learning more about myself and Tourette's, because before my diagnosis, I didnt know shit.

It hasn't been easy to live with. I have "friends" who fake it because they want handle not being the center of attention. I was ticcing in public so my friends stood there and laughed. I was near tears waiting for my other friend to show up because theyve been the only accepting person other than my boyfriend.

One of my "friends" (I use that word lightly) said: "oh rain! your tics are so cute! i wish i had them!" and proceeded to mock me.

it's so difficult maneuvering this world as the only person I know with Tourette's. I wish i had tourettic friends I could turn to when my non-tourettic friends overwhelm me.

Idk where I was going with this, I'm mostly rambling at this point.

I feel like I'm alone in this but I know I'm not.