lilyvioletdaisyrose

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

ONE SURE THING

The time I spend with my mind on you

Is the chain you put on me

And the time you spend with me in mind

Is what keeps me from sleep

But I’m older now

Wrote my own prayer

Skin is new at seven years

And finally, I’m there

I don’t know if we’ll meet again

Before one of us dies

But I can tell you one sure thing:

I won’t apologize

You can if you want to

You can talk about regret

But I’ll tell you one more one sure thing:

I won’t come back again.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

UNGENTLE PEACE

And don’t you know

Sometimes it gets better in the end?

It bites and it bleeds to keep its way

But in the end, everything’s changed

Of course, that’s only sometimes

And for people not like me

But if I bite and I bleed to change my ways

Maybe I’ll slip to my own days

Somehow I’m not sad

Somehow I’m not hurting

Though my words are gray

My heart is not the same

Each day I look for God

I’m clumsy but I’m true

A thoughtless prayer to someone

Bleached clean by the sun

I have my own tranquility

It makes sense to me and God

My ungentle, burning peace

Screams like the wind at sea.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

SUN-DRUNK

I won’t let myself hope too hard

Won’t let my faith in you take me too far

I’ve had a long morning, hiding from day

And so if you find me, sun drunk and weak, maybe I’ll be better that way

For if that’s how I’m found by you

You’ll know how I learned that truth

Is whatever is needed, whatever is pure

Even if it’s my knees to the floor

So pardon me for hoping, I dare not let you know

But something here won’t let me let you go

I’ll be here until it’s better I’m not

Whether that’s tomorrow or when my body falls to rot

I won’t make you the god of my idolatry

I won’t let you stake your claim in all of me

But if you’ll allow, you’ll have my care,

My devotion, and my black heart bare.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

MY OWN FAULT

Will I lick the knife when I pull it from me?

Run my tongue up a blade so bloody?

Will I love the taste of the life once mine?

And will it keep my thoughts in line?

Will I keep the stake once I’ve burnt at it?

Keep it close to prove I have it?

Will I love the fire I put to me?

And will it take my memory?

Will I drink the water that drowns me?

Baptize myself with the sin that found me?

Will I dip my fingers in that icy hymn?

And cross myself with original sin?

Will I pray for salvation that’s not meant for me?

While ignoring the punishment that’s sent for me?

Will I wait for Gabriel’s sound?

Despite knowing that for me, heaven’s not around?

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

Object Of Desire

I want to be your object of affection

Your object of desire

I want to be the one

Putting kerosene to fire

I can be lustful, fiery

And trustful

The spark that won’t tire

The smoke at your pyre

I can’t deny I miss you

Can’t deny you’re on my mind

Your arms, your hands, your strength of gaze

I’d have you any time

The things I fantasize of you

Paint my cheeks a blush

You hold me down, have your way

And show how rough you touch

These are things I’d never tell you

Because they’ll never be

Things I’d never tell you

Because a friend is all you see

So I’ll just keep quiet

These thoughts will never breathe

All the things I fantasize

Between you and me.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

The Writer

If I can use a pen so well

If I can turn a vivid phrase

Why can’t I explain myself

And put a wall against the wave?

Out against every night’s stars

I can easily paint

A picture so pretty, as all of mine are

With the words that I put to my name

But the thoughts seem always half-filled

Pretty as the words may be

I can write a deep-felt chill

And it’ll never be enough for me

I can write half a story so well

No one suspects a missing piece

I’ve told all I can hope to tell

But I live behind the seen

Like a thoughtless prayer to no one

Like a smoky peace

How can so much go on

And leave me so much to keep?

Like the winding stairs to a padlocked door

Like the oil before the heat

There’s always a little more

Than what ever will be reached.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

Hit For Hire

Maybe on the roof

Or across the table

There’s never any proof

When they’re looking later

Maybe in the room

Still far out of favor

Maybe if I watch you

I can be the same

You’re cutting quiet through the crowd

You keep the distance right

You know your way around

The corner of an eye

You’re on the inside, no one doubts

Where you go at night

But when you step out

You step across the line

We all like it at the core, we

Get that kind of love high

Not something he ignores, he’s

A movie star with one line

It’s always the same story

Just with different run times

He knows what’s in store, he

Deals in perfectly done crime

He told me:

“If you were written out at the start

If you have nothing to do

Find me behind the conflict cards

I’ll be waiting for you.”

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

SELF PORTRAIT

Long hair, past waist-length

Color of a low glow

Large eyes, too large for my face

Color of a deep cold

Skin and bones, but curves at the hip

Flesh a bloodless white

Small, careful, elven, thin

Painted lips and eyes

A woman’s voice, that used to sing

But quiet for some time

Because although it was my favorite thing

Every songbird dies

That’s who I am, and who I’ll be

“Pretty” is what they say

But who I am and who they see

Might not be the same.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

Julian

DEDICATION:

TO YOU, JULIAN, WHO WILL NEVER BE

I WISH YOU TIME, I WISH YOU WONDER

AND LIFE FROM SOMEONE

WHO’S NOT ME

TO YOU, JULIAN

YOU OF LAST NIGHT’S DREAM

I WISH YOU LOVE, I WISH YOU A MOTHER

I WISH IT COULD BE ME.

I dreamt last night of a child

Yet to be born, but not yet to be loved

A boy, to be named Julian

And when I woke, I missed what never was

I’m silly to be crying

A silly girl, so bereaved

I can’t help my pining

To slip back into my dream

To you, my sweet Julian

To you I apologize

And I say this to you, my Julian

Who I will miss until I die:

I’ll never show you blue skies

Never dry your tears

Never look into your eyes

And tell you not to fear

I’ll never feel your hand

Find its way to mine

I’ll never help you stand

I wasn’t given time

I saw what could’ve never been

But I wish I’d stayed blind

I can’t keep sweet Julian

Off my weary, tear-stained mind

Would he have had my eyes?

My cheeks, my lips, my laugh?

Would he be his mother’s child

From mind to soul to path?

I know I’ll only hear you cry

If there’s such thing as paradise

I pray that when it’s my fair time

I won’t be scared to die.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

The Vampire

You know I can’t come in

Until I’ve been invited

I’ve been waiting to start something

But your doorway rests unlighted

I walk under the moon so vacant

And lie down beneath the day

I wait for you so patient

But times pass anyway

Like an empty ship on landfall

Or cold rain in the dark

My still heart never can call

To warn you at the start

In all my years among the blooded

I’ve never had this feeling

I’ve never been so flooded

Never needed healing

My kind runs from midnight sun

We run from any light

So why did I run straight to one

So envied by the bright?

I can’t be like the others

I walk this life a ghost

Look down in the gutters

From each coast to coast

Hellfire burns bright

And like a moth to flame, I’m testing God’s right

I took a stake to the heart

But don’t mourn ‘til dark.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

Pretty Girls

My blood-stained mascara is kept in my vanity

Come and watch me drain my sanity

Hoping for soul, for spirit, for clarity

But all the people want is to stare at me

Sometimes I long to blind the world

Gouge the eyes of all who lust

But all I am is a pretty girl

Beyond my form, I don’t have much

I only exist when in view

When under a watchful eye

Without the world’s gaze I’ve no value

Pretty girls exist when in sight

And so I surrender my trust

And so I return to my place

Thank them for their lust

And show them all my face.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

To K.

I didn’t want to say goodbye

I wanted you to fight it

And though I do respect your “why”

Why strike a match if not to light it?

You say you must honor it

The vow you made inside

And that although you wanted it

Our affection was mistimed

I’ll take you at what you said

I’ll choose to believe

That there’s no one in your bed

That the one you want is me

My mind is my virtue

I’ll guard it like a safe

You said “I never meant to hurt you”

But said it all too late

Each day I hope you’ll come back

Though I’m the one who left

I know we’d be the ones that

Eros would proudly bless

I’m aware of my own weakness

And all I cannot change

It angers me to feel this

And anger leads to pain

Yes, I want to have you here

Like a cut wants to bleed

But I’d sooner have you see my tears

Than ever hear me plead

Sooner miss you ‘til I die

Than beg for your return

Sooner be alone in life

Sooner freeze than burn.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

Almost Seven Years Past

Shoot a horse already dead

Take misery long gone

Burn a bridge already broken

And wonder where it’s gone

I shot my head to let the sun in

To drain my mind its floods

I remember my thoughts running

Down my face like blood

That was years and years ago

But still I recall

The violence of the silent cold

That followed his fall

And though I don’t regret

And know I never will

My dreams will not forget

How I was before the kill.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

Hell

You’ve got that kind of gray

That burns around the edges

I could see from years away

I know you know what hell is

Hell is something I know too

Though we ran in different circles

Let me turn your hell into

Something far less hurtful

Mine’s the stone cold kind

It turns you if you let it

Concrete lust and eyes so fine

Once seen, you won’t forget it

I wish you’d allow me

To wash your pain away

I’d stitch your cuts so proudly

And bring you from the rain.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

Missing You

Didn’t think I had the need

To wonder if you wanted me

Maybe if I’d thought it through

I wouldn’t be missing you

I’ll never cry for you to stay

I’ll lose my pride some other way

Naive’s not the same as young

Eyes are wide, but time’s been done

Listening to the blues as they fill your sky

Is it a bitter melody, or is it a sweet girl’s eyes?

It’s felt like rain since you went away

So ease your mind and let them play

And when I sing the blues to my part of sky

Do you hear it on your side?

Do you try to be the “you” I knew?

And do you feel me missing you?

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

Hedonism

How empty

How cold

How tempting

How bold

Hysterical and rundown

Feverish and gone

Watch them meet at sundown

See them leave at dawn

In God’s forgotten graces

They’re shot against our walls

The searching in their faces

Finds the coldness in their calls

Be careful what you wish

Be careful what you love

The one you choose to walk with

Is the one you’ll soon become

Be careful what you wish

Be careful what you love

For once you taste their kiss

“Them” turns into “us”.

[lilyvioletdaisyrose]

Penance

I pay for sins of mind

I pay for sins of honor

I pay for sins of mine

I pay for the sins of my father

But is it truly penance

If the peace I make

Takes the form of poison

In the cups of those in pain?

Is it not so fitting

That the way I do my time

Is witnessing the sinning

Of those who hope for mine?

I pay for sins with more

That’ll always be my test

It cuts out from the core

I’d settle for no less.