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i've seen straight people do a lot of weird shit, but a giant zoetrope falling in love with a ferris wheel and having merry go round children is undoubtedly the weirdest

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The desire to make bad decisions for myself is strong today.

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learn what a derivative is? you are tiny compared to the earth

:c

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American Food Accsessibility is Bullshit

I feel that to explain this first I need to start with the fact that for a little more than half my life, I've been gluten and (mostly) lactose free due to my strong and often painful intolerances. I've grown used to this fact by now, but that doesn't make it any less inconvenient for me most days. Please note that I will refer to allergens often in order to be broader in my scope here.

1st, Food that is not produced in the "normal" manner is more expensive. Smaller portions of foods made with the same methods but different ingredients cost more than the "normal" kind. A bowl of pasta for me is harder to make and more expensive than a bowl of pasta for someone with a "normal" digestive tract.

2nd, People don't recognize the need to let us know that food contains allergens all the time. "But Ayden," you say, "it's inconvenient for a restaurant to change their menu to show what common allergens are in their food!" You poor naive thing. It is ridiculously easy to put a tiny little stamp next to a menu option, we do it for vegetarian and vegan options most of the time, so we should also do it for very common allergens. I went to Italy a few months ago, and on the menus of the restaurants, there was a directory in the back relating numbers to different allergens so that, just by looking, I could notice what I couldn't eat. It's really just that simple. And yet, I've been in American restaurants that haven't had even a little wheat crossed out on their menus to let me know what I can eat.

3rd, Most people don't know how common allergens can be. I was at a food fair a few months ago, and I was actually serving food there, and I had listed on the provided forms every single ingredient in the food I was serving, because it was the best way for me to show someone what they might not be able to eat. The people next to me had a tray of garlic knots, and I remember seeing on the allergen section they had written "None." Obviously, this was a load of shit. I myself happen to be gluten, lactose, and, interestingly enough, garlic intolerant, so garlic knots are quite literally balls of allergen for me. I said as much, and they responded with "Well, anything can be an allergen so it doesn't matter." I don't care about the garlic thing as much considering it's not common, but dairy and gluten are quite common allergens, so the fact of the matter is that they simply were uneducated about the fact that these things could be issues for people.

These are my big things, other people with food restrictions, feel free to add.

TDLR: Americans are uneducated about food restrictions and it's extremely difficult to learn what foods you can eat in a lot of cases if you have them.

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please watch this video. i don’t have anything to add, but please watch it.

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Turns out I'm still alive

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sometimes i think about that one time the most internet conspiracy theorist conservative woman I've ever met saw me put my phone in my front pocket, (because i have a tiny phone that can fit in the front pockets of 'women's' jeans) and went "you know that the radiation can make you go infertile" and when i think about this, i kinda wish my phone could magically make my uterus stop working bc it's fucking annoying. all the damn time.

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Save A Life

tw/cw: mentions of blood, suicide, addiction, overdose, substances, death (i'm really sorry for all these, but unfortunately they're necessary to explain the small ways in which a life can be saved)

I know this is long, but please take a moment to read it, the information towards the end could save a life. I included a cut because it was long, but I really do hope that you chose to read below it, because if it was your life in danger, you'd most likely want others to step up, so please understand how to be there for others in need, even if it's through something other than my very brief overview, and if you do plan on reading this, please please do some more research, because I was mildly vague, trying to give a few very key examples.

Quick Reminder that Anyone is Capable of Saving a Life

Be it driving someone to rehab, calling an ambulance for someone, giving food to the starving, administering cpr, talking someone about to commit suicide out of it, or whatever else, you are capable of saving someone's life.

I'd like to focus more specifically on the two fluids extremely necessary for life: blood and water.

If you see a homeless person and you have a spare plastic bottle, it'll probably make their day for you to give it to them.

Givinf people water while they consume alcohol could lower their risk of dying of alcohol poisoning.

Please please please make sure everyone in your life, including yourself, is drinking enough water.

Now, as for blood, it's a bit trickier, because that's not something you can control as well.

If you are able, please consider donating blood, it saves countless lives and there is always a need for more.

Learn how to pressurize a wound, just in case you find someone bleeding out. Or you get a really bad wound.

I understand that some people are incapable of donating or squeamish around blood, but these are still skills that could stop people from bleeding out.

Blood loss is a major cause of a preventable death.

Everyone should know basic first aid. It can save and improve lives.

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rant about my hatred of my mind/mental problems beneath the cut

i hate my brain, because I'll want to tell people how I'm struggling, but then that little voice in my mind will go- but you don't wanna bother them- so I don't say anything, and then things get worse and that same voice goes- your fault for not saying anything- and the cycle starts all over again and nothing ever gets better.

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Crowley: *listens to country music for half a second*

Aziraphale:

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maybe i should make a list of things to talk to my therapist about. bc i keep forgetting and i need to talk to him about this stuff before it finishes eating me alive.

actually. wait. everyone should do this.

YOU! YOU READING THIS! HI! I DON't CARE IF YOU HAVE A THERAPIST OR NOT, BUT MAKE A LIST OF SHIT YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT! NOW! DO IT NOW!

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Kayla: Hey dad, who's your favorite kid? And be honest.

Apollo: Nico.

Nico: What?

Austin: That's a surprise, I thought he'd say Meg.

Will: So did I.

Apollo: Meg laughed at me earlier when the piano cover fell shut on my hands, so she's been demoted.

Nico: I'm not even yours.

Hades: If it helps, you're my favorite too.

Nico: When the fuck did you get here?!

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Could you please do some headcanons about Batmans cooking disasters over the years?

Age 5: Bruce puts tinfoil in the microwave. Alfred shakes his head and laughs

Age 6: He decorates a cookie so badly another kid cries until they throw up

Age 7: He tries to make a PB&J and the countertop is sticky for a week

Age 8: He tries to make Martha's chicken noodle soup but ends up crying on the kitchen floor surrounded by half-chopped vegetables

Age 9: He tries to impress a houseguest by recreating Thomas's mixology tricks (sans alcohol). There's still a stain on the ceiling to this day

Age 10: He makes green eggs. It's not on purpose. He's never even read the book

Age 11: He makes lava in the school cafeteria

Age 12: He tries to make cheese bread by drilling holes into a baguette and filling it with melted nacho cheese

Age 13: He melts a cutting board in the oven

Age 14: He folds a Pop Tart

Age 15: The chocolate-covered bananas he makes for the school bake sale come out looking very very wrong

Age 16: He's asked to drop a home economics class after mistaking refried beans for pumpkin puree in a pie

Age 17: He boils eggs in the carton

Age 18: He makes his entire freshman dorm evacuate after burning his ramen to ash

Age 19: He sculpts a severed hand out of meatloaf and is sent to the university psychologist

Age 20: He tries to bake a cake but doesn't have a cake pan, so he pours the batter right in the oven

Age 21: He tries Thomas's mixology tricks again, this time with alcohol. One of the tricks is flipping it over his head. He ends up losing part of his vision for 3 days

Age 22: He burns water. Harley Quinn is there. She still holds it over his head

Age 23: He packs his first patrol snack as Batman. It's a chocolate bar wrapped in a tortilla. The chocolate melts onto his gloves and he drops the tortilla down a sewer grate

Age 24: He makes an ice cream cookie sandwich to eat while he and Batgirl work on a case, but he's so engrossed in the work that he doesn't notice it melt until Babs points it out

Age 25: He enters the first annual Justice League cook-off and immediately gets banned from ever entering again

Age 26: He tries to comfort little Dickie Grayson by making fried cornbread from a book of Roma comfort recipes. It turns out about as well as you'd expect when you give Bruce Wayne hot oil. Bruce is genuinely bummed out, but Dick says it's the thought that counts

Age 27: Clark delivers a huge hunk of beef from the farm. Instead of waiting for Alfred to come back, Bruce and Dick try to break it down with a power saw

Age 28: Bruce and Dick's latkes are burned so badly they can play floor hockey with them

Age 29: He makes stuffed mushrooms. Badly. Like imagine the worst way you can fuck up a mushroom. It still won't compare to what Bruce did. And it's for a potluck with the West-Allens that Barry won't let him live down

Age 30: Bruce sees Dick struggling to make ravioli and he's like "Let me show you how it's done" before proceeding to make it infinitely worse

Age 31: Bruce sees a hungry Jason Todd and the first thing he does when they return to the manor is make a double-decker bread sandwich. That's bread with two more slices of bread in between

Age 32: Bruce packs Dick and Jason's lunchboxes when Alfred is out of town. They're supposed to include a salad. Instead, Dick gets a whole head of lettuce and Jason's is just a bottle of ranch

Age 33: He makes hot chocolate after patrol... but forgets the chocolate

Age 34: The Manor is too cold, so Bruce tries to warm it up by making Jason's favorite soup. His hands shake the whole time. Suddenly, he's eight years old again, sitting on the kitchen floor surrounded by scraps reminding him of his failure

Age 35: Jack and Janet Drake are out of the country again, leaving young Timmy by himself. Bruce decides to bring some dinner over. It's baked perfectly, but it's full of things that shouldn't be anywhere near a casserole dish. They end up ordering takeout and watching old detective movies together

Age 36: Steph walks through how to make waffles. Bruce is standing there, watching closely and taking notes. They still come out looking radioactive

Age 37: Cass asks if they can get smoothies. Bruce says he can make them at home. She gives him a warning look but that's not enough to stop him. Cue Bruce forgetting to put the lid on the blender

Age 38: Jason's first night back at home, Bruce tries to make that soup. It shoots out like a geyser and hits the lights. He's panicking until he hears Jason laugh, and then the soup doesn't matter

Age 39: Damian screws up hummus and he desperately tries to hide it so people won't see him as inadequate at something so basic. Instead of getting upset, Bruce assures him it's okay and offers to fix it. (He doesn't fix it, he just makes it worse)

Age 40: Bruce's birthday happens while he's fake-dead and away from home. He grabs a convenience store cupcake and sticks a single candle on it. Then he closes his eyes, pretends his family is around him, and makes a wish. (The candle droops and sets the hotel sheets on fire)

Age 41: Back at the Manor, he attempts to make lemonade on a particularly hot day. Selina offers to help, but Bruce declines, saying, "How hard can it be?" (Spoiler alert: it's not supposed to be full of seeds)

Age 42: Kate shows him a video of Canadians pouring maple syrup into the snow to make candy, so he gets her to boil the syrup so they can do it together. The problem comes when they can't control the pour and end up with a glob the size of Damian

Age 43: As part of a school project, Bruce and Duke try to deduce the Coca-Cola secret formula. Duke's teacher takes a point off because at the beginning he told her he'd taste the results, but there's no way he's doing that now

Age 44: The family gets together to make a full English breakfast Alfred's birthday. Each person takes a part—Dick has eggs, Jason has the grilled tomatoes, Tim has mushrooms, Duke has the bacon, Steph and Cass are tag-teaming the sausages, Damian just has to open a can of beans, and Bruce needs to put bread in the toaster. It goes South immediately when Damian reaches for his katana instead of the can opener

Age 45: Bruce puts tinfoil in the microwave. Alfred shakes his head and laughs

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Tim: *groaning, head on the table* I don’t wanna go to school, Bruce. It’s horrible. Bruce: *sipping coffee calmly* well, too bad. You’re required to finish high school. Tim: *looks up, eyes narrowed* is that the rule in this family? Finish high school? Bruce: yes. Tim: then I ll go back when you make Jason go back. Bruce: he DIED. he is a CRIME LORD. Tim: then I’ll become a crime lord. Or die. Either works. Jason: *walking through the kitchen to grab a muffin* y’all do know I got my GED last year right Bruce: *spits out coffee* you WHAT

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Damian, six years old: but WHY can’t i have a pet?!

Talia, tired:

Damian: i promise i’ll take care of it real good!

Talia: i said no seven hours ago

Damian: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-

Talia: for gods sake

~later~

Damian:

Talia: this is your new pet brother. now stop whining.

Jason:

Damian:

Jason: when you said ‘take care of my kid’ i thought you meant babysitting for an hour or two-

Talia: it was you or a husky, now shut up. you’re his brother now.

Damian, to Jason: how often should i walk you?

Jason: i should never have climbed back out of the lazarus pit.