livingacademia - Tumblr blog

[livingacademia]

The Final Chapter, For Now.

This blog served a very important place in my life. That part of my story however, has now come to an end. For everyone that I met through my poetry here, I want to give a massive thank you. You have enriched my life in ways that I cannot begin to express. For the friends I lost in the time I kept this blog, I hope your futures are full of life and light. May your paths ever be illuminated. Perhaps one day we'll meet again.

For those of you who follow me here, you can find my new account @aspiringextrovert

I'll be journaling and sharing any future poetry there.

For those of you that would rather close my book for now, and be on your merry way: thanks for reading.

Love,

Livingacademia

[livingacademia]

The Answers

The search for them is invariably more fulfilling than the final acquisition. No matter what you want to know, you will always find yourself at your most alive whilst hunting through tomes and halls for the secrets you seek.

Once you realize that life is a thing that always ends

with unfinished goals, the question becomes,

"what do you want to spend your life pursuing,

completely divorced form the idea of catching it?"

[livingacademia]

"Their gaze is hollow, their expressions eroding"

realest thing i have seen in a while

[livingacademia]

For the entire first half of your premise I kept going:

This is the plot of A Christmas Carol

You narrowly escaped the fate that Mr Dickens had concocted for you. Bravo.

A reverse Hallmark christmas movie, where a simple small-town guy has to go to the big city in order to do a thing, and encounters a serious no-nonsense businesswoman who has never celebrated christmas, not once in her life. And spending time with her makes him realise that it's not that he hates christmas, what he really hates is his family. So he calls his family back home to let them know that he ain't coming back, he's just discovered that "family" isn't about people you're related to, it's about having people in your life that don't make you want to shoot yourself in the head.

So he stays there and lives happily ever after with her, never celebrating Christmas again.

[livingacademia]

Welcome back :)

Im back!!!!!!

[livingacademia]

2024 resolutions:

acquire a long cloak and stand menicingly in the forest

hoard shiny trinkets

befriend the crows

become the witch of the woods

use the library more

scream at the moon

[livingacademia]

You are changing

Sometimes for things to change

What is old must wither away

One day

Perhaps very soon

The things that haunt you

Shall be pushed out

And away

Hot air through chilled lips

On a frigid winter's day

[livingacademia]

Temper, Temper, Kinship Breaker. All Your Guilt Will Never Waver.

[livingacademia]

A very late happy birthday, to an old friend

I hope you find your mediocrity <3

I'll turn 21 in two days. Can I believe it? I've not given it much thought. Years have passed by. Or so it feels that I've not given it much thought.

I was born 21 years ago!

That seems like a lot of years ago, two decades and a year. I've grown up from a toddler to a lil kid, from an adolescent to a teenager and now to a legal adult?! ( I'm not sure if I mentioned the stages correctly or not).

Am I happy? Have things changed? Do I like how I've changed? Do I hurt less?

All of it seems like cold ice. Solidified but will melt as soon as it's out at room temperature. I've done a lot to hold this cold temperature. I wouldn't want to let it go. Mostly it's alright. I can be melted and solidified. I've the flexibility but also the rigidity.

What am I most grateful for? Do I've to be though?

I'm okay with the fact that I've survived, it's been tiring but I love my relentless efforts to try to make it.

What do I hope for?

I hope to buy a big fridge that can hold as many ice trays as possible. I don't even drink cold water or ice creams as much. But the thought of having ice cubes feels rich. Like if it all, I require I'll know I'll have them stocked.

I wish to build a home, not just a house. With big windows and spacious rooms, a terrace to watch the sky from, lots of plants. But will I be able to take care of someone else? The plants I mean.

I feel tired. I hope I have someone who takes care of me a lil more than I take care of them. I hope I'm held gently and fed and listened to.

I also want to be alone. Because I don't think I want anyone else to understand my weirdness, my quirks, the stuff that goes in my head or most of all see me howl and cry and speak to my younger self. It's just v pitiful. I want to be the only one to pity myself and then pick her up.

I want to have privileges. I want things easier for me. I want to be less scared. I want to believe in myself more. Maybe smile more genuinely. I want to find people who want the same for me.

Oh yes I want to have home cooked meals everyday. New recipies. New hacks. All made with love. Just love. And maybe few people to share the meals with. Dinner table conversations and hearty laughter. So that I feel full. My heart feels full.

And I want a big steel jug to keep my water cool. I love drinking water or maybe I'm just used to it.

I want a couch in my garden and a swing. The one that rotates . The couch to lay down and soak in the sun. I want peace and quiet but also laughter and some occasional fights. But nothing intense.

I want mediocrity.

[livingacademia]

“Your handwriting, the way you walk. Which china pattern you choose. It’s all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self portrait. Everything is a diary.”

-Chuck Palahniuk

[livingacademia]

Sometimes, all people need

Is to be seen

A knowing look

A few kind words

Time set aside

To connect with another

Pain is lonely

Like curtains blocking out the light

It cuts us off

When we need others the most

That's why I'm here

To open those curtains

To let in the light

I see you

I see you

[livingacademia]

[livingacademia]

Autumnal

[livingacademia]

Cletham's reading room, by George Henry Wimpenny

[livingacademia]

Season of death

The season for the dead

Dead and dying

Trees twisted and naked

Bereft of green

Bury your hopes

Come and bury your dreams

While we light the fires

That breathe in our chimneys

Burning memories

Devouring the past

Let's watch

Through frosted windows

As snow settles

To hide the bodies

That litter our lawn

Tucking them in

For the longest sleep

Leaving them for death to keep

[livingacademia]

Losing a close friend is like losing a part of yourself. The grief becomes immeasurable. You're constantly thinking of them when you see things related to them but won't be able to tell again that "hey! this reminded me of you <3" and "hey look! Isn't this the same book you were talking about the last week? See I got this for you". You won't be able to sit in a comfortable silence with them again, neither will you be able to reminisce your old memories together by looking at an old picture. The pain is immense, maybe more than losing a precious possession of yours. There will be an urge to go back to them again and wrap your arms around them and break down immediately and tell them "we're okay,right?" . You lose a shoulder to cry on, you lose an anchor to hold on when you're feeling like losing yourself. You'll constantly get reminded of how free you felt when you were with them.

It's so hard to forget someone, who you've cared for so much, for a long time. Just when you thought your bond was unbreakable, you get to realize people don't stay forever. You receive that sudden slap of the reality which forces you to acknowledge the truth. It's just too much hurt, too much pain to realize you're left all alone in your misery, not that you've always faced it alone but still there was someone who would've made you laugh in those times, and they were your best friend.

[livingacademia]

"I get it now. I get it.

The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end."

– John Green and David Levithan