lordhothetomato

[lordhothetomato]

The existence of words like manbun is ridiculous but I really gotta give a shout out to guyliner. Boy the original name isn't girl liner it's fucking eyeliner. Do men not have eyes

[lordhothetomato]

My kink is having so many pockets that I have to ponder where to put my things

[lordhothetomato]

Love saying "not my best work" when I really fuck up something

[lordhothetomato]

Call me controversial but I think people who write articles should be intelligible

[lordhothetomato]

God saw me wake up up this morning and said "time for some character development"

[lordhothetomato]

Literally nothing's stopping you from going crazy in some small way

[lordhothetomato]

One of my favourite things about being with my friends is that when one of us sees a cat they say "cat!" and all of us repeat "cat!" and when one of us sees a dog they say "dog!" and all of us repeat "dog!" it's great

[lordhothetomato]

Sexism is blackbirds being called blackbirds even though the female is brown

[lordhothetomato]

Im so sad for Mary I mean she had the shittiest thing (childbirth) without even having the good thing (fucking)

[lordhothetomato]

Game show idea:

We reanimate the corpse of Sigmund Freud and get a bunch of queer people to talk to him about their experiences

I bet that would really piss him off, 10/10 fun would be had

[lordhothetomato]

Me: makes tea

Me: forgets it

Me: microwaves it like an animal

Me: forgets it in the microwave

[lordhothetomato]

Sick and twisted that we have feelings during our dreams. Like give me some rest

[lordhothetomato]

The mood that comes with reading Paradise Lost while listening to Muse is unmatched

[lordhothetomato]

Liking a band means being constantly in disagreement with the "best of" playlists of music apps

[lordhothetomato]

Lynx are the best big cats honestly. Because they have all the qualities of big cats (i.e.: massive big-ass paws) PLUS thick thick fur PLUS little paintbrushes on top of their ears. PLUS gorgeous make-up.

Best big cats.

[lordhothetomato]

Whoever decided that the standard half-resting position was on your genitals with your spine bent in a shit way should be stoned

[lordhothetomato]

Me, looking at my upside-down reflection in the spoon: nothing is real