lorientours

[lorientours]

yeah i drive the truck that isekais all those lonely 20yo NEETs and bored salarymen. it’s a really hard job. they keep sending me to workplace counselling after each hit. “it’s normal to feel guilt at ending someone’s life,” they say. how do i tell them that’s not what makes me feel guilty? “but it’s okay. he’ll live a better life in another world.” yeah, with 100 girls who could have lived normal lives but got drafted into being in these boring dudes’ harems. how many women’s lives have i ruined. and they don’t even know. they don’t even know

[lorientours]

Happy 55th anniversary to the moon landing!

[lorientours]

I’ve always said that one of Indiana Jones’s villains should be an assistant archeology professor at the same school trying to kill him so he can get tenure and stop having to grade this guy’s classes’s papers.

Archeosky was having fun with this

[lorientours]

Archeosky was having fun with this

[lorientours]

Summary [machine translated from German]: Friedrich hasn't even been employed at the University of Jena for a month when he's already falling out with the arrogant junior professor Goethe. Goethe always came across as a charismatic figure at his lectures, but the more Friedrich gets to know him, the more he finds him unpleasant. Their discussions are heated, their conversations tense, but despite this, Friedrich can't help but continue to associate with Goethe. During their work together, they both realize that their interests aren't as far apart as they originally thought. or: Friedrich is a very serious employee of the University of Jena, Goethe his humble colleague. Friedrich is the institute's own revolutionary, Goethe the guardian of the One Schoethe University.

Author: TcnMlynt

[lorientours]

one billionth azula and azulon drawing done aaaandddddd boom. posted

[lorientours]

when u move out you can go to a living room and use your phone there instead of being in your bedroom. it's allowed

[lorientours]

Once I "made" a custom emoji for my mum by crudely drawing a hijab on it and now whenever she wants me to buy a coffee for her I get a text like this

[lorientours]

(In the cuck chair)(starts booing)

[lorientours]

@mechanicalinertia

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

[lorientours]

It’s more comforting to convince yourself that all men are assholes then it is to face reality which is that your ex boyfriend wasn’t destined to become an asshole but for a variety of complicated societal and personal reasons he ended up that way anyways even though he could’ve chosen to not be an asshole

[lorientours]

I was thinking of a post I saw a few days ago where it was like ‘Zoey never moved out of the US so Rumi and Mira end going to find her’ and I absolutely find the idea hilarious

Zoey has given up her music dreams and is now going to college (because her dad will pay for her apartment if she does) and is working some cafe job for cash and suddenly these two super hot weird chicks start coming to her job literally all the time.

Rumi and Mira grew up super rich so they have no sense of money, they don’t really know how tipping works and they have the natural desire to take care of Zoey (even if Zoey doesn’t know they’re like. Kinda soulmates.) so they keep giving Zoey massive tips all the time.

Mira and Rumi hang out at her job forever just to hear Zoey sing so they can fucking confirm it’s her (they’re like. 99% just from seeing her but they have to be 100% or else Celine is leaving them there forever)

Rumi, having told Mira she’s a half demon because without Zoey Mira wouldn’t leave her the fuck alone: do you think she’ll hate me for being half demon?

Mira, sipping an absolutely horrible drink that Zoey made: no. For one— a ancient magical entity literally said we were soulmates. For two— that girl is a monster fucker for sure.

Zoey is kinda into the whole sugar baby vibe she has going on but then Rumi and Mira start like. Asking about her music and stuff which, because she’s pretty much the main character in a Christmas movie who doesn’t believe in the magic of the season any more, makes her mad.

This whole idea was really because I thought of this exchange and giggled about it for an hour—

Rumi, trying to keep it low key that they’re all soulmates and destined to fight demons together: So, Um, do you want to be our third ?

Zoey: YES!! I’ve been waiting for you to ask forever ! It’s been months!

Rumi, surprised: I was expecting you to resist joining our band, all things considering?

Zoey:…. Oh. You want me to be the third member of your band :/

Mira, shoving Rumi out of the way: That kind too!! That kind of third too!!!

[lorientours]

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

[lorientours]

Gordon Ramsay on the mithraeum: Fucking finally. I waited for this soup all day, it better be fucking good.

[several skeletal hands explode from Ortus' stomach]

Gordon Ramsay: Oh fuck me. She used her own bloody bone marrow. Now his insides are all over the fucking table- who's gonna clean that up? Fuck me. This place is going to the dogs.

[lorientours]

I wish depression were an emergency. I wish someone could take one look at how sick I am and go “oh my god, we need to get you to a hospital!” and then when we get there I get rushed into surgery and the surgeons say “it’s a good thing you brought her here when you did, this is a seriously advanced case” and then they put me under and spend the next ten hours pulling metres of long, sticky black strands of gunk out of my body, throwing it immediately into an incinerator so that it can’t infect anyone else. And then they could stitch me back up and I could rest a few days, and when I leave the hospital everyone can see how much better I am and they congratulate me saying “well done, you’ve been so brave, I’m so glad you’re ok. I love you.”

[lorientours]

sometimes i say “i think” but actually i know. on account of being the knower.