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I don’t think I’ve fallen harder for anyone else.

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If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you.

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Well today kinda sucked

A few weeks ago my girlfriend and I bought plane tickets to South Korea. I was skeptical because of a lot of things, but one thing I knew was I wanted to travel. Every year I made excuses and this was a chance to change that. I talked to my boss about it and things looked like they were gonna work out. When we were buying the ticket... it was a great deal but the price kept changing. We started getting frustrated and all these things started coming into my head -- what about the intern that was starting? What about work? What about the last vacation we just took? What will my parents think about it?

I think the worst thing is... I didn’t speak up. I was scared to say anything that might upset her but she eventually dug it out of me. It sucked but she drove over and we talked about it. We made it work. I thought we were in the clear. Today news came up about North Korea. Everything is going to shit. I told my parents (because well I had to tell them sooner rather than later) and my mom flipped. My brother was eh. My dad advised no. Unfortunately, because we bought the tickets through her provider, she has to cancel them. She also has a practical, a quiz, a midterm and is quickly approaching finals. Every time we talk about this trip, it chews up more of her time. It chews up more of our time.

I sent my friend to the airport today to go to Australia. We got our favorite Mexican food and joked around before he had to leave. I bought my coworker a balloon for their birthday and it made them smile. Today they had my favorite lunch on the menu. Any other day and it might have been a really good day. Just not today.

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klepto drunk

Coworker 1: So how was your weekend?

Me: Oh yeah pretty funny... so my girlfriend got kind of drunk and I went to pick her up in SF.

Coworker 1: Oh nice that's always fun!

Me: Yeah and she went to this Drake party, she's a huge fan of Drake, and ended up stealing this giant A balloon? Like the A in DRAKE... When I picked her up all her friends were there saying "SHE STOLE THIS BALLOON FOR YOU OMG SHES CRAZY!"

Coworker 2: Well that's not too bad.

Coworker 1: Yeah it just means she steals things when she's drunk.

Me: Wait what.

Coworker 1: Yeah you know she's a klepto drunk.

Me: What.

Coworker 1: Yeah you know how when people are drunk they do really random stuff? She just likes to steal things every now and then. It's not so bad.

Me: Oh.

Coworker 1: Yeah like my girlfriend... when she gets drunk... she is a RUNNER. She runs and I have to go fucking chase her.

Me: Oh dang yeah I think I get it, I had some friends who would just wander off!

Coworker 1: Yeah exactly! So someone who just steals ain't so bad.

Coworker 2: Yeah my wife when she gets drunk, not too much happens. She kinda just chills there. But oh god one time she got high and it was insane. She just ate a little brownie and I go away for a second and then when I come back she's tearing up the carpet screaming "I DON'T EXIST! I'M NOT REAL! WHY AM I FALLING THROUGH THE FLOOR?!"

Me: Oh that's crazy!

Coworker 1: Oh man did she turn out okay?

Coworker 2: Yeah well the whole night she thought she wasn't real! And she was with her friend who was also really high (they got high together) and they decide to go shopping?

Me: Oh dude that doesn't sound good. Did you stop em?

Coworker 2: Yeah well I tried but I think they went anyways. And this is when I'm getting back so I go to look for em and I find my wife in the parking lot and when I go to get her she's saying to me "WHERE IS SHE WHERE IS [her friend]?" And I'm like calm down calm down but she just keeps saying "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I CAN'T EXIST WITHOUT HER! I'M NOT REAL!" Everything ended up working out though.

Coworker 1: Haha nice.

Coworker 1: So what else did you guys do this weekend?

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Our progress in degeneracy appears to me to be pretty rapid. As a nation, we began by declaring that 'all men are created equal.' We now practically read it, 'all men are created equal, except negroes.' When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read, 'all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and Catholics.' When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretense of loving liberty—to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocrisy.

Abraham Lincoln, Speeches and Writings, 1832-185

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Dutch Oven Le Crisp Apple Pie

Waiter: Whenever you're ready but here's the dessert menu.

R: Oooh that looks good -- dutch apple pie.

L: Haha omg honey I thought that said dutch oven.

D: Did you just say dutch oven?

R: Yeah she did oh my god.

L: Okay dutch oven is a REAL thing okay?

R: Yeah I know I know but seriously who thinks of that?

D: Well the nice thing is you guys have a dog so you can blame it on that haha.

L: Here's some relationship advice for you "Me", don't do a dutch oven.

D: Well okay you just might want to save it because you won't ever get to do it again probably.

Me: Okay I'll be honest I don't know what a dutch oven is.

R: Oh really?

L: You should Google it!

D: Unless you are ordering the apple pie then maybe google it after you eat it.

Me: Okay -goes on phone to Google dutch oven- oOOoo there are some nice ovens here... and oh here's Urban Dictionary....

Me: Oh my... wow...

L: Yeah? Yeah?

R: And now you know.

Me: Well these examples are really good. "Dave vomited on the sheets when his wife gave him a white castle dutch oven."

Me: The second example is also good but it doesn't even tell you what it is. Girl says what did you get me for valentines day and then guy says hold on...wait a minute...I got something....DUTCH OVEN!!!!

R: Haha yeah that second example doesn't tell you anything.

Me: Should I ask my girlfriend if she wants to do this? Haha totally kidding.

D: Save it for Valentine's Day.

R: Yeah save it for a special occasion.

L: Don't listen to these two, you just do you.

D: Save it for Valentine's Day. So who's ordering Dutch Apple pie?

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The arc of the moral universe does not just naturally curve toward justice, we must bend it.

Senator Cory Booker

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You know you like someone when you are looking up pick up lines of their profession.

My god I don’t understand any of these optometry pick up lines.

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The sad thing about love is sometimes it’s not the person that is wrong but the time.

Oh My Ghostess

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For those who are interviewing and are nervous...

My Uber driver today overheard my conversation with my friend talking about our work and he asked for advice in getting an internship in the computer science field. He said how he’s only taken some intro courses and he’s kind of nervous and was wondering if he should wait to take more classes or if he is even ready yet. I only graduated college recently and I bombed my first 9 interviews before getting an internship. I didn’t even get a full-time position -- I just got an internship. If it wasn’t for every single one of those interviews, I probably would not have gotten any better. You have to be aggressive when you apply and you cannot doubt your skills because, naturally, companies are looking people who can solve problems and who are confident in their craft.

I ended up telling him that the point of an interview is for them to evaluate you. Let them decide if you are ready. You just worry about doing well. You won’t succeed in all your interviews because they are hard, but at least you’ll start getting ready.

I think he really liked my advice and I feel I motivated him, even just a little, to push himself to go outside of his comfort zone. Failure is inevitable but how we deal with it and learn from them is what separates those who are successful. 

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Posting this again since I remembered it. Such a powerful image of a successful heart surgery that took 23 hours. You can see the assistant sleeping in the corner.

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Best way to remind someone of something is to outsource it

Friend: Hey after this ARAM, can you remind me to print my invoice.

Me: Yeah sure!

Me in /all chat: Hey everyone! After the game can we all remind (Friend IGN) to print their invoice?

Player 1: print pls

Player 2: yeah sure we'll just do it the entire game

Player 3: PRINT YOUR DAMN INVOICE

Friend: ...

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Sick

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The awkward moment of a programmer

So I went to a party with a friend and there were a bunch of people I didn’t know. One girl was a software engineer and she was talking to me and I told her I also do programming and somehow we got onto the topic of age. She said she was really old and I told her I didn’t believe it. Then she told me she was 32 and I just went dead silent (I could have sworn I heard her mention she just got out of college). After a moment of silence she said “reverse string”. I still paused and she said you know reverseString()? And I finally understood she was saying to reverse it so she was actually 23. We laughed about it. I... I didn’t want to say that 23 is a number which is an int and therefore not a string so that function would not work. I’m glad I kept my mouth shut.

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So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won’t do in your essays.

N.H. Kleinbaum, Dead Poets Society

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It's what I do when I wake up; it's what I do before I go to bed... but... people don't know what led me there.

Bjergsen 

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