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2.02 - pasta

there’s something about opening on a black screen with a catchy, familiar song that just makes me into what i’m watching. i don’t know what it is about that particular edit, i fully recognize it about myself, and i don’t even strongly like the song “she drives me crazy” by fine young cannibals. BUT black screen, song comes on, quick cut to an arial shot of chicago in winter and it’s just got me going, “hell ya. let’s go.”

i liked the quick cut of a printed sign on the bear’s wall as they’re making plans, crossing off things they’re accomplishing and working on renovating the space for their grand opening, but there’s just a little printed sign that says “bear part two”, which is funny. because this is the bear, season two. but it’s also the first iteration of the bear, which makes the “in world” meaning of “the bear part two” kinda odd.

i love the familiarity between carmy and syd. it’s only on this, my 90th rewatch that i realize this is really the first time we see them sort of acting like friends and partners, more than work colleagues, and especially boss and employee. all last season they had friendly moments, but there was always an edge of: carmy is the boss, and syd is the employee. and no matter how friendly they were, and they were pretty nice and friendly, the two did an excellent job of having an element of feeling like they worked together. like if one of them were to introduce the other to a friend or family they would say: “oh, we work together”. even in the first episode of season two, they’re still friendly, and the power dynamic has shifted nicely since season one because they’re partners now, but they still have this air of “work friends”. but right away in episode two carmy and syd are walking through the shop talking about how syd’s dad is sem-supportive but doesn’t understand syd, and i’m only just realizing that it’s the first time they’ve really talked about personal things with each other non-chalantly. this is the first time in the show we’ve ever seen them be “friend friends” not work-friends…and yet, it’s so natural and easy i didn’t even realize the shift had happened until just now.

in one second we received; the first mention of syd’s mom. that she and her dad are going to her mom’s birthday dinner. AND, the fridge guy is on the phone, but because marcus threw the phone without anyone ready, it shattered on the ground. carmy will call the fridge guy back….right….?

i hate that the moment nat comes into the scene casually eating food while walking, my brain (which is so accustomed to stereotypes in media) said “oh! she’s pregnant!” and not “oh! she’s working hard and doing most of the detail work for the restaurant, so she’s eating on the go!” but, media tropes being what they are, my mind went to: PREGNANT

“you feeling okay, nat? you look a little pale”, “yeah. it’s just that sometimes i look like february.”, “….sure…” 1) amazing line. truly fantastic. 2) come on. nat’s pregnant.

fak and natalie’s “mom & son” relationship is so weird and i love it. “yes, my honey?” who actually says thay to another adult in a non-actually being someone’s mom, or a “non-bdsm” capacity? apparently nat.

“you alright? you want a sprite? you look kinda green.” 1) this line that richie says to nat will come back to be important in a few episodes. 2) this is the second time in like a minute that someone’s commented on nat’s appearance and her not looking great. so, she’s definitely pregnant. like, they’re not even trying to hide it, as they hide it.

ebra’s hesitation about going to culinary school BREAKS MY HEART. ugh. i love ebra. sad ebra makes me sad. “i don’t want to wear a uniform” and tina’s immediate “it’s not that kind of uniform.” implying he was thinking of his time in the army in samalia….UGH, EBRA!

however, excited tina, giddy at the thought of culinary school, is such a vibe.

fridge guy debacle continues: carmy calling the fridge guy, but getting interrupted as richie, fak, and marcus are trying (and failing) to move the lockers out of the space right outside his door.

also, (because of stereotypes in media) when carmy gives his number to the fridge guy, my first thought was “…so that’s gonna come up later.” because it’s easy to have written this scene without the phone number. sometimes a scene requires a number to be given and that’s that. but in this scene, it easily could have been different. so when carmy gives it, i knew we’d hear his number again. especially with how easy the number is to remember. (the classic 5-5-5 in the number. that happens in tv shows so often. someone has 5-5-5 in their phone number)

ok….so….again, i’ve watched this season like 100 times, and i think, I THINK, i understand why they have to open mikey’s locker to move it out? because it’s always confused me. the guys are struggling to open the locker, and they realize they have to open mikey’s locker which has been locked since his death. it’s a nice scene, and shows everyone’s acceptance and growth in the time since mikey has died. especially as richie puts a hand on carmy’s shoulder as carmy takes a moment right before he opens the locker. the tenderness and love between these two since season one is just incredible. but my thought was the stuff in the locker was too heavy making it harder to move? but the only thing in the locker is a hat from an event they worked in 2010. so, i’ve always been confused. the hat couldn’t weigh enough to make them not able to handle the lockers. i thought it was a clumsy way to get us to the emotional moment of finding the hat. BUT now i’m realizing that i think fak needed the locker open so he could get a better grip on his side of the locker and maneuver it easier? is that right? does anyone else actually know?

so syd and carmy go to carmy’s apartment. and in repeated viewings i’ve realized that it IS the same apartment from season one. we’re just getting better shots of it. and now i realize that his apartment is A DREAM! i mean, his kitchen is great, but the rest of his apartment is really nice. i’m legitimately jealous. they did a really nice job in season one (whether intentionally or not) making it look kinda like a shitty apartment. but there’s enough things i recognize in shots of his apartment in season two, that it’s definitely the same apartment.

the way carmy and syd avoid saying “michelin” in conversation, so that the show doesn’t have to pay for the copyright, is just fun. but i also love the two sides of the michelin chef spectrum. carmy who has experienced the shit you have to deal with of having them, and syd who is fresh and wants the recognition that comes with having one. in the light of how many restaurants and chefs are abandoning the michelin system, or are returning their stars, i think it’s a fascinating subtle storyline woven in this season. i’d love to see if it carries on into season three. knowing that it costs so much money to have a michelin star and that only one star has to do with the food.

“i will grant you [mold] has gained some traction in recent media cycles. it’s a buzzword, yeah, for sure.” what an iconic line from richie. as someone who has always been scared of mold….how is mold a recent buzzword? richie is unhinged and i love it.

once again, fak and richie getting their faces closer as richie dares fak to call mom (nat), and fak says he will, and they go back and forth just getting closer…..it has a weird sexual energy with it. i didn’t start this show shipping fak and richie, but i think they’d be cute together…

the scenes of ebra struggling at culinary school honestly break my heart. and tina encouraging ebra in his skills and him shakily saying “yes chef”….😭😭😭

i think it’s interesting that there’s a season long arch where just about everything syd cooks and makes tastes terrible. i think watching the show all at once makes the problem seem bigger than it was meant to be (at least to me), because we’ve been told how good of a chef she is, but we see her cook HER OWN creations and they all suck. it made me wonder how good she really was. which is maybe some of the point, but i think it’s showing that syd is still a chef that’s up and coming and learning. like carmy said last season, she’s very green. carmy is a chef with no end of awards and recognition, but we see him struggle with details and management. syd is inventive and quick on her feet, but we see that when she’s coming up with a recipe she fails a lot first. i think it’s meant to humanize her, or it’s a season arch to show her growth as the season continues.

the weird….dynamic of carmy thinking syd’s mom is alive (because she said “it’s my moms birthday dinner” and has never said “she died” or anything, so it’s an earnest and easy mistake). but when carmy asks her about her mom she just kinda….lies…?

i love the detail of signing “sorry” when something happens to just say “hey, let’s move on. this isn’t a big deal, and i’m sorry” is amazing. i’ve had little codes like that in service industry in the past.

nat’s lil’ monologue while sitting next to the messed up toilet while she’s on the phone with the plumber is great. and i love that she reveals that she’s pregnant (which again, easy to guess), but mostly i love that we’re not fulllllly sure if the plumber is a family friend, or a complete stranger. there’s SOME familiarity here obviously, but we’re not told if it’s enough familiarity for nat’s emotional word vomit or not. and that’s beautiful to me.

the pure comedic GOLD of “these ceilings are practically styrofoam, were we to have mold they would collapse when i go like this-“ hits ceiling. ceiling immediately collapses and proceeds to dump a pound of dirt, dust, and mold onto richie’s face. and then a kickball. and then richie looks up and goes “that’s it?” and a firefighter hat falls and hits his head. ugh. i can’t help but burst out laughing.

the reveal that syd’s mom is dead is so well done. the happy story, the smiles, and then lighting a candle on cake and them blowing it out while holding hands. the realization that what we, the audience, assumed was going to be a tense, awkward meal between two parents who had divorced but still got together to celebrate the moms birthday (for some reason), or maybe even the amicable celebration of a couple that divorced because they realized they weren’t good for each other and are “friendly” with each other. but instead it’s two people very much in love with a woman who has clearly died. ugh. it’s beautiful, it’s funny, and it’s heartbreaking, and it’s SUCH a simple and quick scene.

AND THEN, we move onto this scene at the grocery store. ok. here’s the thing. claire gets a LOT OF SHIT from people. a lot. and some of its fair and some of its not. SO. i’m gonna put my thoughts in their entirety HERE about her, and then when those instances come up in later episodes i might talk about them more in depth.

so, firstly, for the people who loved that the bear was a “sexless” show in season one, or that carmy seemed to be ace, or are carmy and syd shippers, or even those who claimed he was queer coded, there’s not much i can say to make you feel better. other than to say that the balance of work life and personal life is a super important one, especially in a show about a guy who has no personal life so that excel at his work life and has become burnt out by that process. so a romance or a deep relationship of some kind was a good choice for the show, because it brought about a storyline that i think is needed on carmy’s mental, and emotional health journey.

BUT the show trying to deepen that relationship with claire does so by simply “saying” it, and not showing it. which is the eternal issue with writers, especially when you have time, money, budget, and length of movie/tv series to deal with. but in a ten episode season, and this is already the end of the first episode when you introduce her, so you really only get to know her in episode three. that really only gives 8 episodes to know claire. and she’s not in like…3 or 4 of the episodes moving forward. meaning you have to: set up their history, set up how important she is, AND deepen their relationship to a place where we, the audience, are emotionally invested in them, AND when it hurts when they ultimately break up. but with only 4 or 5 episodes to do that, we can’t SEE it happen, we have to be TOLD it happens.

so we are told that carmy had a crush on her, to the point that he would draw her in his notebooks and his whole family knew he liked her, because mikey, richie and…john mulaney…tease him for it in the flashback episode. we are told how much claire likes carmy. we’re mostly told how good their relationship is, instead of seeing how good it is (carmy shows up to the restaurant a few times and says “i was talking with claire when….). we’re also told how close claire was to the fak’s and to richie (claire calls fak to get carmy’s number. she calls richie cousin (the only other person to do that other than mikey and carmy). there’s a lot of their relationship we don’t get to see, and it makes some sense because those scenes would be slower, deeper, and take time. and you only have 30 minutes and 4 or 5 episodes to accomplish this.

which makes the sort of hypocrisies in their relationship just not believable. carmy was obsessed with claire growing up, but when they meet he gives her a fake number so she can’t call him, because he knows she’s looking to date him after they run into each other. and he’s a little slow to open up to her, but finally does and she helps him a lot in his mental health and panic attacks. and on claire’s side, she gets labeled a manic pixie dream girl, which isn’t necessarily unfair, but her less than realized character (her main defining character trait is: i like carmy) is only because we don’t get to see much of her, and she was brought in to be a love interest to carmy. so she’s not fully realized, and her only real trait is liking carmy. plus, carmy is so aloof, and closed off that from a writing standpoint we needed claire to have this manic pixie love and attraction in pursuing carmy, because that was the only way they were going to get together. carmy would never have pursued claire, because he sacrifices his own enjoyment and personal life for cooking. but it doesn’t make sense then, that claire has kind of an obsessive love for carmy from the moment she sees him at the grocery store, and she admits that she liked him in high school, but she never made a move and he didn’t even really know she knew who he was.

these sort of conflicting narratives: carmy is in love with claire, but gives her a fake number when they run into each other as adults (he even forgets her name when we’re introduced); claire is in love with carmy from the beginning of them running into each other as adults (which would hint that she was in love with him when they were young) but never paid him any attention when they were young, BUT was so close to them that she remembered the name of their planned restaurant all these years later…they all could have been made possible and been written in a way that was believable. but not with the time constraints the show had and the other storylines the show focused on. so we are simply told a lot of this, not shown a lot of this. it maybe could have worked if they built claire and carmy’s relationship up this season; a sort of will-they-won’t-they, and then once carmy is sold on the relationship, build that up in season three, for the big collapse at the end of season three. but that would have ruined the season long arch and left carmy without a deep, traumatic emotional arch and more of a rom-com, fluffy arch this season and that’s not really the show’s style.

so, i don’t hate claire. i think she, as a character, wasn’t given the time to breathe and grow and show the audience why we should care about her. i would love if they brought her back for season three, to see her grow and get fleshed out as her own character, especially as a character outside of her love for carmy. but since she broke up with carmy, i don’t see much of a road into the show moving on and it would also make a lot of sense if we never really see her again. even despite her “close” relationship to the fak’s and to richie.

as someone who has had to have the conversation with my parents about my weird working situations, like being paid for a month, but then not being paid for six months even though i’m going to work and working 12 or more hours because i’m starting something…uff, i feel syd’s frustration as she tries to explain it to her dad. and the fact that the budget is paying everyone in the shop except carm, nat, and syd (the bosses) is so fucking good. because that’s how it fucking should be. you pay the people who need it, because you need them to be there when you get back. it’s how you keep workers, especially good ones. bosses and leaders of businesses need to actually sacrifice for the shop and for their workers if they want it to work. plain and simple.

but, we see some of that writing magic i was talking about earlier when carmy gives her a fake number. he told the fridge guy his number earlier, and then he gives claire a different number. we know that he wouldn’t give fridge guy a fake number. so we realize he’s giving claire the fake. that’s why we saw him give the fridge guy his number.

AND that’s the episode! episode two down! it’s a great episode. and it sets up a LOT for the rest of season two. looking forward to episode three!

SEASON ONE: Episode One | Episode Two | Episode Three | Episode Four | Episode Five | Episode Six | Episode Seven | Episode Eight

SEASON TWO: Episode One | Episode Two | Episode Three | Episode Four | Episode Five | Episode Six | Episode Seven | Episode Eight | Episode Nine | Episode Ten

[loveabledirtbag]

2.01 - beef

HERE WE GO SEASON TWO WOW OKAY!

right off the bat: that opening. such a tonal shift from season one. it’s dark, shadowy, calm, quiet. it’s the exact opposite of the opening of season one. truly telling us, the audience, that this is a different show now. PLUS it starts with marcus, not carmy. or even syd. it’s perfect. we’re being told “this is an ensemble and you’re gonna learn a lot about all the characters this season”.

plus the fact that marcus is so sweet to his mom. ugh, it breaks my heart. i just want all good things for marcus.

scraping the ice on his windshield physically hurts me to watch. i’m parking in the first garage of my adult life, and don’t have to deal with street parking and frost scraping anymore and it’s WILD.

the quiet intro of the bruce hornsby is so beautifully done. “the show must go on”. but it’s also the kind of dad rock that dominates so much of this season.

watching the beef sign get taken down is wild. truly wild. like, you kinda knew it was gonna happen, but then YOU SEE IT happen. you can see it on carmy’s face: the trauma, the guilt, the weight, the significance. and it’s being taken down so he can have a chance to make something new.

and there’s just something about the first lines in the beef/bear as everyone talks budget. carmy is different. the crew is different. there’s a familiarity that seems more mature and authentic than in the last season.

plus seeing that carmy is a chef and only a chef for a reason is really fun. because i get it. math is hard. fuck math. watching him struggle with math is very affirming.

i love that in the basement we see a canning machine, with a label on it that says KBL, showing us the audience how mikey put the money in the tomato cans last season. BUT it also leaves me to question….carmy spent almost every waking moment at the beef last season, obsessively cleaning and trying to keep it afloat. he also wondered about why mikey was making payments to KBL electric and what it all meant…he didn’t go down to the basement at all? not once? see a canner that said KBL on it? think to himself “hmmm, that’s odd. maybe i should check these cans of tomato’s we have?” idk. i get that we have to tie up the relative plot hole of “how did mikey stick money in cans of tomato’s”. but it opens another can (haha 🙄) of worms of how didn’t carmy see this. i find it hard to believe he didn’t spend any time in the basement, since he was obsessed with the restaurant. and not noticing a giant machine that puts lids on cans would be hard.

i love that season one truly broke down richie, and right away into season two we get a richie who clearly wants more out of life. he realizes he’s been wrong and hurting and he’s trying to get back on track. plus, more characterization of the fact that richie reads a lot and reads good books, as he brings up the story. but right away you see richie’s arch this season: purpose, growth.

not to mention, i love the emotional intimacy between the two. that richie sort of bears his soul to carmy about his fears of being left behind, and of not finding his purpose. carmy saying he loves richie, and then when he realizes that richie is hurting telling him that he has time for richie. something fundamental happened last season and these two really found a level i don’t think they ever had before. richie is older than carmy, he’s mikey’s friend. he might have been invited to family gatherings and events, but most likely acted towards carmy like an older “cousin” would to a younger one. just kinda talking down and ignoring and not respecting them fully as they grow up. we saw this with the fact that multiple times throughout season one richie calls carmy a “baby”. and not because carmy was whining or crying, but because carmy was just so young. but after everything from last season, the toxic masculinity that surrounded these two (especially richie) is giving way to an emotional connection that is really sweet.

i love the admittance of richie’s age. there’s an unspoken rule in tv that you don’t give peoples ages too willingly, because if a character “ages out” of the marketable bracket the “audience will lose interest”. which is bullshit, but execs will always push to keep a characters age in a liminal paradoxical sub space somewhere between 25-35. so they’re not too young that they can’t be respected as adults, but not too old that you don’t care about them because they’re “boring and not cool”. it’s why on the show friends monica and rachel start in season one as 25/26 years old, and then turn 30 in season seven. they fucked with the timeline just to make sure that the friends remained young and cool enough to watch. so for richie to be 45, is both intentionally pushing him out of the “cool” age bracket to execs behind the scenes, which is what richie is worried about in the scene. he’s old and worried he can’t find his purpose.

but how richie’s problem and his season long arch perfectly sets up carmy’s problem and his season long arch is amazing: fun. enjoyment. you have your job and then you have what you do for yourself that isn’t monetized, isn’t going back to being “work stuff” but is just for you. and richie assuming carmy has fun with cooking and restaurant stuff because it’s ALL he does, and carmy admitting it’s not “fun” for him. ugh. it’s beautiful.

also, in the old photos that richie is looking at. i never noticed until this watch through that there’s one of gillian jacob’s as tiff, richie’s wife. i just assumed she was introduced in the flashback episode. but they had a little tease right at the beginning of the season. which is more than they needed to do. which is why i love this show.

also, THE ORIGINAL BERF shirt! i love it. didn’t want that to go without saying anything. “printing mistake. collectors item.”

the admittance that chester is gonna watch marcus’s mom while he’s at work….THATS A GOOD ROOMMATE. like….romantic partner level good. again, i’m starting this season off by coming back on my bullshit that marcus has a romantic energy with just about everyone, and that includes chester. i am a marcus x chester fan.

that we saw fak talking to ballbreaker in the last episode of season one (and ballbreaker talking back…) and now he’s bringing it home. it’s concerning…

the quick scenes of ebra looking unsure of everything…

“i thought i wanted some and then i wanted throw up.” oh. so nat’s pregnant. like. the moment she said that i was like “ah. nat’s pregnant.” i love that abby elliot was actually pregnant while filming season two. i’m sure that they wrote her pregnancy into the show. which i love instead of trying to hide it.

the long talk of how absolutely stupidly annoyingly COMPLICATED AND TIME CONSUMING AND CONVOLUTED it is to get a restaurant started is so on point. it hits hard. just reps after reps after reps.

and the fact that that conversation is capped by syd saying “we just gotta stay calm” and then falling right through a wall….art. artistry. poetry. amazing.

i love richie doing a breathing exercise so that he can properly explain his anger without it just being a meaningless explosion of anger. he’s angry because syd fell through a wall and ripped the fenway poster. and the red sox were mikey’s favorite baseball team. this is about mikey, and honoring his memory, not just a random outburst. and he can explain that because he took the time to breathe, and to properly communicate that, which made everyone understand and empathize for him. instead of react to his anger. emotional and mental maturity, folks! it’s great.

also richie’s explanation that the wall is plaster because mikey wanted to burn the place down for insurance money…..uffda. again, it’s hard to marry everything we know of mikey together: he was so charming, personable, charismatic in the scene we saw of him in season one. but he was selling and using coke, he wanted to burn down the restaurant…and we see so much darker stuff from him later this season. it’s just a little hard to believe that the happy mikey is the same as the dark and depressed mikey. but obvious addiction can have a major influence on people’s attitudes.

the fact that the alarm goes off and carmy’s first thought is “….is that in my head?” really tells you a lot about carmy’s head.

the fact that when carmy tells cicero that mikey was telling the truth about franchising the restaurant, but cicero’s first thought was “the petting zoo? mini golf?” really paints a grim picture of mikey’s brain and relationship with cicero.

“how does that [alarm] not drive you nuts?” “i don’t mind it”. once again showing that carmy has this thing in him that kind of enjoys pain. he “dug throwing up before shift everyday”, and other stuff in season one.

the hinting of getting a star, which crops up a few times this season, tells me that season three is almost undoubtedly going to be about getting a star. even though i’m with carmy; fuck stars. you have to pay to get them, and the first one is the only one about food.

“can i tell you a story about complete and utter failure…?” - cicero trying to tell this story for the first time this season, which is interrupted by carmy saying that if they don’t pay back the loan cicero gives them in 18 months the building and lot and business is completely cicero’s

carmy giving that proposition is an interesting plot point. because it could be a major thing in season three, or they could blow past it and not even mention it. BUT even if they don’t make the loan payment and ownership goes to cicero, he could choose to keep the restaurant going and have everyone keep working for him (which would make more sense to keep his character in the show, in a behind the scenes kind of way). so, we’ll see what happens.

i think almost every single scene with tina this whole season makes me wanna cry. syd asking tina to be her sous, and tina thinking that syd is asking tina to ask around for a sous is just so good. and then her big hug as tina realizing syd wants her to be the sous. UGH. tina is just so good!

OK. SO. the scene where everyone’s going home, and it’s just syd and carm and they’re talking about how weird it feels to go home so early, but there’s only so much you can do without permits. 1) it’s SO relatable. anytime you’re expecting to be in the weeds and have that sweaty, fast paced, rush feeling and instead you get nothing it just feels….wrong. like empty. even though it means you’re not stressed for a night. 2) there’s just a vibe of carmy and syd being a little romantical. there’s a little second beat as they look at each other where i was like “ohhhhh!” and then nothing happens. but it’s there, right? just a bit?

the unsettling quiet as carmy sits at his apartment just at a loss for what to do and how to be still. and then staring at his chef jacket and the song. the CLASSIC song from season one. that new noise. it plays and you just go “yeah….we’re back.”

i love the camaraderie as carmy comes back to the bear and syd and nat are already there. and then the montage as they set up a schedule and print inspo and we see the hours tick by. it scratched an itch that i miss. i miss the feeling of starting a place and just the overwhelming amount of work involved in it. how the hours tick by.

and that’s the episode. ugh. it’s so good! the vibe, the pacing. everything it sets up. so so so good. i love it.

SEASON ONE: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight

SEASON TWO: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten

[loveabledirtbag]

We survived the Hot Ones Challenge, but our taste buds didn’t. Here’s what happened…

[loveabledirtbag]

1.08 - Braciole

Uffda, we’ve gotten to the end of season one of the bear! and it’s only now that i realize all the things i wanted to say, and still haven’t as we’ve gotten to the end of the season!

i might have to do a whole season recap and final thoughts post too! AND THEN we get into season two! uffda…i might finish this before season three comes

but anyway, let’s get into it…

i love the surrealist intro we get. it’s just a little different than most of what we’ve seen up to this point. there is a sort of lucid, dreamlike air over the whole season, but getting this really intense, disturbing cooking show nightmare scenario followed by bears in the background is just….it hits different.

but the slow descent into horror, and bleeding into his panic attack as carmy has flashbacks to his behavior in the previous episode. it’s just so well done.

the fact that he’s wearing a different color shirt when not at the restaurant, or having come from the restaurant or going to the restaurant. i like that touch. it gives the idea that carmy’s white t-shirts truly are his uniform. and his life is just so engrossed in the beef that he’s almost always on his way to, currently at, or coming home from being there. but we now have confirmation he has a shirt that’s just for him. an at home piece. plus the fact that it is black when compared to his usual white is probably significant too. we’re coming off the fact that carmy just had a major blowup at work, descending into every learned character trait from his traumatic family upbringing and working experience. he’s at his darkest moment: no longer the good knight trying to save a restaurant that means something to a community and help bring the people who work there to their fullest potential. he’s now the villain that yells and is abusive and harms those around him.

the fact that he looks at his cook books to come down is also so telling. thinking of the dishes inside of them, potentially dishes he’s made from reading them. it’s just continuing to show how broken and single minded he’s been his whole life and how harmful being so one-track can be.

hearing mikey, and (maybe? maybe not) carmy speaking as carmy is spiraling and trying to come down from his anxiety attack: hearing “let it rip” which is clearly mikey but also, “i’m gonna burn this fucking place down” which i think might be mikey but could also be carmy? honestly? not sure if anyone has confirmation on it. but with carmy’s themes of fire this season, it might be him. but of course, we also know mikey had his own fire story (which we’ll talk about in season two when we the audience learn mikey also has stories about starting fires…)

it is good, and showing on carmy’s part of how he wants to grow and change for the better, that when he woke up after his bad day and his ongoing panic attack he went to an all family meeting for al-anon. i still think it’s so weird that so many people shit on carmy for being so abusive and toxic (which he is!) but don’t talk about how he’s trying so hard to try and get better.

listen. carmy’s 8 minute long, one-take speech is absolutely, unequivocally one of the greatest things put to film. i don’t even know how to properly talk about it. but it is absolutely at least 50% of the reason why jeremy allan white deserved best actor, and why the bear deserved every award it won (and maybe a few more). it’s stunning. go watch it. now. go. this will still be here when you get back.

i think it’s interesting that carmy talks about mikey’s charisma and how everyone liked him. because we get that sense in the quick flashback we see of mikey. BUT we don’t really see that when we spend more time with mikey in season two for the “Fishes” episode. i’m curious if we’ll see a sort of marrying of the two mikey’s as the show goes on. how did the charismatic “everybody’s best friend” mikey turn into the depressive, animalistic, explosive mikey, before finally dying by suicide before season one begins. (it’s one of my notes, that maybe i’ll talk about in a later post)

but we get another little tidbit in carmy’s psychology that shows how he likes torturing himself. there’s been a few examples throughout the season that carmy actually likes all the shit he goes through. i know i mentioned them in the concurring episodes, but the one that comes to mind is when he’s talking to nat on the phone and she asks him about working at the restaurant in new york and he talks about throwing up before work every day, and when she sympathizes with him he says “i kinda dug it”, and then when he notices her reaction to him saying that he says “oh, no, no it was horrible.”. but in his monologue he talks about having oily and dry skin, having greasy hair, and getting knife cuts and garlic and onions in the cuts, and callouses and his stomach was fucked and it was….everything. like there’s something that carmy feels when he’s going through shit; a twisted love for going through pain. i think it’s a really nuanced, balanced, and deep character trait that they thread throughout the show. where you hear him say something once and you might not pay close attention to it, or maybe you’re like “oh, yeah. i kind of get that feeling. like when you work really hard and accomplish a goal.” but when you stack all of the times he makes a comment like that together you go, “ohhhhh….thats not good.”

which, i think that’s what happened with mikey. mikey was charming and charismatic and fun! but the people who were closest to him knew that he had a drug problem, and had moments of dark depressive episodes. and maybe they were far and few enough between that no one thought anything of it. and then one day mikey was dead. i think that’s one of the hardest things to realize and understand and then see with the people around you. sometimes you gotta stack up comments on top of each other with context and go, “oh. hey. everything okay?”

what follows after the 8 minute monologue masterpiece (that i will forever be jealous i can’t use in my high school theater class, but whatever i’m over it. i’m 30. i’m not THAT mad about it) is honestly an almost unsettling chill episode. and that might sound wrong or stupid to those who’ve seen it, knowing what is coming. but the way it’s filmed, the way it’s presented on screen, the way the rest of the episode plays out is this really calm, muted, sorta quiet, oppressive episode.

it sorta feels like when you have a manic episode and then what follows immediately after is a depressive episode. the anxiety hangover. we had this loud, fast, angry, explosive previous episode and what follows is the exhaustion that comes afterwards.

“she just missed the asshole. like, what happens if you get stabbed in the asshole? you can’t sew an asshole.” “i’ve seen assholes.” GOD. ebra is a comedic genius of a character and there’s never enough of him in each episode.

telling everyone that dinner service is canceled because you’re hosting a bachelor party THE MORNING of the event is a douche move. and i FULLY understand that this is TV logic of moving plot succinctly, but in real life that’s about as big a dick move as anything carmy does the whole season. which might sound severe, but private events are the FUCKING WORST. because the tips for the FOH (front of house) go out the door, and you don’t get to go in a groove of people come in and out, which means your BOH (back of house) becomes bouncers and waiters and caretakers to the guests. which they all hate doing. plus, the large amount of money you get upfront when the group rents out the place is immediately stretched thinner as the night wares on and the people stop ordering more food, but you’re also missing out on potential rushes and money. PLUS, they’re not even making money from the event, because they’re paying off a debt to cicero, so they’re losing out on all that money, AND they’re not making anything from a down payment. i wish they had thrown a line into the show of like carmy saying he just found out the news that morning too, just so the hate i feel doesn’t burn towards carmy. but i know -i know- that this is just TV stuff to make everything move along faster so we can move past it to the main plot of the show.

i do enjoy the dinner that syd and marcus have. it’s very pleasant. i also get romantic vibes here (which we’ll keep talking about in season two), and it makes things complicated because i don’t think i’m reading too deeply into things? there are ways that editors and directors craft scenes so that when you’re watching at home you pick up a vibe and like….i pick that vibe up….? is it just me? (i mean, it’s clearly not just me, because of season two. but again….more on that later)

for the entire essay i wrote on the last episode, syd and marcus complaining about carmy really rubs me the wrong way. because a lot of the stress that came about that day was their fault, and then made worse by their walking out. NOW, if i were syd or marcus would i be doing the EXACT SAME THING with my coworker? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY! and yes, carmy does deserve some hate for how he reacted when it all went shit. but like…i still think they’re conversation shows they feel absolutely no guilt or shame for their own actions and failings that caused a lot of problems last episode, and that has always rubbed me the wrong way. like…shit on carmy. he was an asshole, he deserves to be shit on. BUT LIKE…not even a line of like “i wish i had double checked the to-go orders and made sure it was turned off for preorders.” “i wish i didn’t become obsessed with donuts so much that i stopped doing my job for weeks straight. and then when shit hit the fan, i continued to make donuts as if nothing else was going on.”

“my moms like that…” i think this is the first reference to sydney’s mom. with everything we learn in season two, i wonder if this is sydney lying, or sydney remembering and using the present tense to pretend her is still alive? (sorry for spoilers for season two).

ok. so, the dish sydney makes. LOOKS INCREDIBLE. but we get a shot of the dish, and it’s just sitting in oil. just like a puddle or a small soup of oil. not the end of the world, not wrong or bad in and of itself. BUT THEN SHE DRIZZLES MORE ON? like, syd! that’s so much fucking oil! now, once again, i know that they have a real life, talented, hardcore chef who made sure everything was as perfect and realistic as possible. which means that this HAS TO be some sort of TV thing. like, they want to keep sydney moving as she talks to keep the scene dynamic, so they have her drizzle something before she serves and because of the specific dish she’s making the only thing she could drizzle without ruining the dish is more oil. but like….idk, maybe choose a different dish then? it has bugged me since the first time i watched this show and it’ll never not bug me. because it’s not only wasteful, and gonna make this dish just so incredibly oily, but like….you don’t garnish a dish with something you already added as the base of the dish. you don’t make an ice cream sundae and then on top drizzle MORE vanilla ice cream! it’s just weird.

tina checking in with carmy is so sweet. it’s speaks so much to how good the show is that my LEAST favorite character could become one of my favorites in like the course of two episodes. love mama bear tina.

the calm, familial love between richie and carmy that has slowly but surely been prodding itself out more and more each episode is just so beautifully done.

listen, you might say to yourself that violence is never the answer, but tiny pipsqueak carmy jumping into every fight possible to stop people from fighting is the most noble thing ever. like…what hope does he ever have of stopping these tall midwesterners from fighting? he just continually gets the shit kicked out of him for trying to stop people fighting and i kinda love that about him. and richie coming in to the rescue both times is also a vibe. love that about richie, stepping in as a protective older brother.

…of course this time richie almost kills a a guy and gets arrested so. not the best.

if you had put “richie gets arrested for assault, with possible charge of manslaughter depending on if the customer he punched to break up a fight” on your bingo card, good for you! i didn’t see that coming.

that richie “bad news” uses his one phone call to call his ex wife, and then realizing that he always calls with bad news decides instead to NOT tell her that he’s in prison, but instead apologizes for the argument he got in with her dad at some point in their relationship…wow. it breaks your heart all over again. richie is just such a broken, sad guy.

that carmy is waiting for richie, asleep in the foyer is just…precious. it’s family. that’s family. that carmy used the shop’s two week parachute money to bail richie out, meaning that financially the beef has gone right back to where it started in episode one is…well, again. it’s family. a shop, when doing it right, ACTUALLY cares about its employees. because carmy feels like the person who would have done that for anyone in the beef, not just richie. i know owners and managers saying “we’re family here” has turned into a red flag that is code for “we don’t pay you enough, we take advantage of you, and we emotionally manipulate you”. but what family ACTUALLY DOES is when battling the evils of capitalism, and struggling to get by, you use what little you had saved up to help those who make it possible to do what you do. i wish more places actually did things like this. paid for bail, or medical procedures. but the only businesses i’ve heard that have done this are small ma and pa, independently owned restaurants. and it’s probably because you work so close to these people all day every day that they really do become your family.

the fact that we then symbolically and visually go back to the beginning of the show: they’re getting ball breaker ready for a tournament, they have no money, carmy’s on the floor hand scrubbing stains again, lu fucks up their meat order. the same song from the first episode plays. we zoom in on the ever present and oppressive clock.

ok. so marcus returns, and carmy literally goes out of his way to say he’s so sorry and he’s glad he’s back. carmy proves that once again, he is trying to be better, he’s trying to rise above his family, above his old bosses and be the bigger and better person and apologize for his mistakes and show that he does care about marcus….but marcus doesn’t say anything back. AGAIN, i know that carmy’s blowup is visually, and thematically way bigger and more prominent. but marcus couldn’t have said like, “sorry that i took advantage of your trust and your belief in me. that while you were working 24/7 to try and make sure this place didn’t go under you still allowed me to purchase and explore and do whatever i wanted with my workday, and all i had to do in return was make the cakes that were my idea in the first places, which i then repeatedly didn’t do. i’m sorry about that.” like…it blows my mind that the writing team, director, producer, and everyone else didn’t have a moment where they were like “should marcus apologize for what he did at all? like, he hurt the store which was already hurting? he put the shop at more risk of closing because of his actions. should he apologize for that?”

the beautiful conclusion to the braised short rib dish. in an earlier post i talked about how there’s an ongoing subtle storyline with it that is deeper than carmy just being an asshole and saying it wasn’t ready without giving pointers to make it better. and we see as he covers sydney’s shift he finds her little black notebook with the recipe and that’s when he learns what’s wrong with the dish: that it needs acid. he didn’t know before. when sydney had him try it, he knew it was missing something but he wasn’t sure what. it might have been his own pride: he didn’t want to admit syd that he didn’t know what was missing. and he didn’t want to ask for her recipe to find out, because he’s supposed to be the best. he should know every ingredient that’s in the dish, and he should know what’s missing and what needs to be added. and he didn’t. so he couldn’t ask syd for her recipe, he couldn’t tell her he didn’t know what it needed. and maybe, there was a part of him that didn’t want her dish to succeed, because he saw her as the competition, like he admitted in his monologue earlier in this episode. but it comes from such a place of trauma, and pain, and self-hatred. it’s so well done and so sad.

what i think is truly fascinating is that we get this scene where we see the staff deep cleaning everything. soap and water. the whole kitchen looks amazing. we cut to the lowboys, we cut to the floor, we cut to the shelves with all the plates. spotless. and then in just a few scenes carmy is looking around and it’s wrecked. it’s filthy. and i wonder….is it actually wrecked, or is it in carmy’s own perception of the place. because one interpretation could be that; well, you’re a restaurant. you’re gonna clean, it’s gonna get dirty, you’re gonna clean, it’s gonna get dirty. and carmy is just sick of the repetition. that he’s getting worn out from it all. the other is that he’s in such a hole in his own head that he thinks the place looks like a wreck when in actuality it’s still cleaner and nicer than it was when he started working there.

i personally like the second option. for one, it mirrors the truth of the shop. we get a lot of repeated themes and moments from the first episode. carmy is probably feeling like he’s right back to where he started. he just spent 7 episodes “cleaning up the place”, and now it’s “dirty again”. but in actuality, he has a staff that has fully embraced his system over mikey’s, he has an updated menu that is making strides in the community. i mean, in seven episodes he was able to get ahead of the tidal wave of debt and bills to create a two week parachute while trying to fight for everyone’s respect and loyalty in the shop. now he has their respect, so he should make that parachute back up even faster. but he’s so emotionally and mentally drained and damaged that he can’t see that progress, he can’t see how much “cleaner” the shop is. he just sees the filth.

this is backed up, in my mind, that while carmy is having his anxiety and depressive episode, stuck in this cycle of dread, we get clips of everyone else crushing their jobs. they’re refilling condiment cups, they’re prepping eggs for cake, they’re dicing and cooking onions, chopping into a chicken. they look like a well-oiled machine. and then we cut to looking at carmy from the side, and the kitchen behind him looks clean. white. crisp. it makes me think that all the grime and disgusting stuff we saw was only in his head

HOWEVER; we also see an olive oil squeeze bottle on its side over the stove dripping into it, and then in the next scene when carmy turns the stove on it instantly bursts into flames. so. maybe it’s not fully in his head? idk, i go back and forth on this one.

i wish they could make a realistic cgi fire. i’m not sure if it’s because fire already kinda looks fake, so to then make fake fire becomes impossible to make look real? or if they simply didn’t have the budget to make it look real. but the two times there’s been fire in this show it has looked so fake.

i think the theme of fire that we see from carmy is interesting. carmy talked about how the day after he won a james beard award he started a fire and watched it burn for a moment. we get that quick snippet in the very beginning of this episode “shoulda let it fucking burn down” which i dont know if it was mikey or carmy saying that. carmy almost set his own apartment on fire while cooking. there’s a lot about fire in this season. (and a lot about trying to put the fire out next season…but more on that later…)

but i love that when everyone comes to put out the fire (which….thats symbolic, right? for community? carmy needed help, he started a fire, and they came around him and put his fire out), richie comes up to carmy and instead of being angry, or sarcastic, or mean, just wants to know if carmy is ok. because he understands now; richie has been going through a lot because of mikey, so obviously so is carmy. he’s thinking about others now for the first time.

and that’s when richie gives carmy the letter from mikey that he found in episode two. because richie finally realized that he’s not okay. and that because richie knows that he’s not okay, he realizes carmy is not okay. and that instead of the two of them not addressing why they’re not okay, it’s time to heal and move forward. so he gives carmy the letter. and i love that there’s a moment where carmy is a little mad; richie knew about a letter that mikey made out to carmy. but richie admits the truth: he didn’t want to give it to carmy because it meant that mikey was really gone. and carmy’s not mad anymore, because he understands. it’s a shared moment of intimacy that i just love how subtle and slow and quiet and understated it is. the care between carmy and richie in this moment, and sorta in the episode overall is just kinda beautiful. this episode does such a good job of not being in your face like the rest of the season is, even while arguably more intense stuff happens this episode than in any of the previous ones.

call it friendship, call it a budding romance, call it emotional dependency that is unhealthy (i’ve seen cases for all three), but i think it means something that carmy has this letter from mikey, and instead of reading it first he instead texts syd. this sort of thing will happen again in season two, and we’ll talk about it. but, i think it means something that before he can address and face mikey’s last words to him, he needs to make sure he doesn’t follow in mikey’s footsteps, he needs to make sure that he doesn’t leave anyone hanging with unneeded or unwanted anger without resolution. and top of his list is syd.

also, not important. but the outfit that syd is wearing this scene, while COOKING and making sauces that is splatterig, IS SO COOL. i don’t often notice outfits, unless there’s something deeper in the outfits that speaks to characters (carmy’s white shirt uniform, richie’s sweat pants and beef t-shirts), but syd’s shirt is fucking fire

“i love you dude. let it rip” is so….so. like it speaks volumes and it’s so mikey and its just a hit to the heart. but at the same time, that’s all he said. no long heartfelt goodbye. just i love you. let it rip. and family spaghetti recipe on the back. the same one carmy axed from the menu in episode one. it’s really nice touch that carmy decides to honor his brother, finally coming to terms with his death, by making the dish for family dinner. plus we learn why there’s so many smaller cans of tomato’s when bigger ones are cheaper per ounce! mikey thought they tasted better…

also. we get a quick cut of marcus making the cake again. and the first time we see him drizzle the chocolate on it looks SO DRY, but this time it actually looks moist and tasty!

i love that once again there’s like a…undercurrent of charge between fak and richie. fak is talking all low and quiet about how cool it was that richie got stabbed and walked it off, and i can’t help but think….do these two secretly love each other?! wouldn’t be surprised.

there’s $300,000 hidden in these cans of tomatoes! which, when i learned that, my very first thought was “didn’t carmy toss a can in episode one??? how much money was in that can! is there like 100 cans? that’s like $3,000! FUCK! even if there’s like 300 cans, that’s still $1,000? not great!

i think it’s pretty fair and fitting to say that in a capitalist society, all of the problems we just went through over the course of 8 episodes magically disappears because of money. like, these working class people are suddenly without a problem because $300,000 fell into their lap.

but that also brings me to one of my only guilts for this season. the deus ex machina of: we go through 8 episodes of problems and trying to climb out of this hole by the skin of our teeth, and ope! instead of accomplishing it ourselves we just found $300k. and everything is (sorta) wrapped up nicely. and yes, the way it all sorta gets revealed is done about as well as could be. the threat of making the spaghetti, carmy wondering about why they get the smaller cans, going over the books and seeing this weird amount of payments to KBL electric for the amount cicero gave to mikey. it all was leading here: finding the money. and it’s not superb genius twist, i assumed something was up and then was like “oh! the money!” before the money was revealed. but it also doesn’t need to be a super plot twisty thing. the bear isn’t going for that. so they do a great job with the plot point, it’s just not my favorite plot point.

but i do love that sydney comes back; for what, we’re not fully sure. to ask for her old job back? maybe. to pick up her last check and be done? possibly. but she stumbles upon this group of rough around the edges lovable dirtbags surrounded by tomato sauce and money and richie (and it’s perfect that it’s richie) is like, “hey! you’re part of this family! get a can opener and let’s boogie!”

i also loved that carmy and syd just look at each other and they without even questioning it start designing the new restaurant. but i have to believe that i wasn’t the only one that when syd asks, “okay, what do we call it?” and the camera holds for just a second too long on carmy’s face, i immediately yelled “OH SHIT! THE BEAR!”

and then it ends perfectly. the whole family eating pasta and laughing because they’re finally gonna be ok. the beef is gonna close, the bear is gonna open, and it’s gonna be amazing.

i also love the meaningful shot of carmy walking out of the kitchen and for the first time we see him pull the towels off his apron, and take his apron off. he’s not cooking. and everyone is smiling, and everyone is happy.

and then we get this shot, and it means something. because carmy is wearing a black shirt again, and he looks up just past the camera and smiles. and then we cut to mikey, who turns to look just past the camera and we realize that mikey and carmy are looking at each other smiling.

and then it ends. *chefs kiss*

i do……..think it’s a little glossed over that mikey knew about carmy’s dream of opening a shop together, loved that idea and would talk to him about it. and then realized that the beef was poison, so he hurt his relationship with carmy to keep carmy away, which sent carmy onto a path of fine dining. mikey saw that, knew that carmy could fix things, so he borrowed $300k from cicero, then took his own life and gave carmy the restaurant so that carmy would then uncover his plot and be able to start the restaurant of his dreams. i understand mental health plays a lot into this, but uffda. mikey. there are other ways to do this…other ways that are also just a smidge less convoluted.

but that’s the episode! and not just the episode, but the season! uffda. i honestly think it’s just about as perfect as perfect could be! yes, there are a few gripes, but man those gripes aren’t enough to even come close to stopping this from being my favorite show ever and one of the best shows ever made. i love it. i love it so much.

season two awaits! someday…

SEASON ONE: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven

SEASON TWO: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten

[loveabledirtbag]

1.07 - The Review

the day has come. this episode. ufffffffff. this episode. it’s all been leading here. i always knew that it would end this way.

before we even begin, i just gotta say….this episode is so much. it’s so odd how much i love it, because i think it was one of the first times i’d ever felt seen in the service industry. something just happens when you work in the service industry long enough where every single thing that COULD go wrong, DOES go wrong. and for some reason there’s never a FUCKING MARKER THAT FUCKING WORKS.

i’m probably gonna say a lot that pisses people off, and i’m gonna do my best to make sure everyone is pissed off evenly. because i got some hot takes in my watch of this, but i hope you all find it nuanced and detailed enough that maybe there’s stuff in here for everyone to take something away from it. maybe the true traumatic working experience was the friends we made along the way…

LETS DIVE IN

that intro to the episode though! i remember watching for the first time and just being so thrown off guard. why are we getting this semi-old-school tv intro? we get opening credits, we’re seeing everyone coming into work. it’s just so GOOD! because we the audience are just as lost as the characters are. we’re sorta thrown for a loop, with an opening that honestly feels sort of familiar, just like them coming to work feels familiar. day in and day out, they do this. just like every other day. we’ve seen a million shows that show us an opening like this. but then tossing in little bits of chicago history, landmarks, and tidbits. breathing in and breathing out….chicago. all of it to signify that no one (not us, the audience. not the characters) are ready for what’s about to happen. no one knows when they’re going to experience the worst day of their life. if just happens.

uff. ebraheim’s reading of the review is so painfully good. because you can tell his enthusiasm for the review! but his less than perfect reading, on a topic that he doesn’t understand is actually creating tension, adds tension on top of tension! uff. so good.

also, what a pretentious review! my god! the dichotomy of the long haired bearded man who got syd’s dish last episode, and the privileged snobbery of a holier-than-thou reviewer makes his words even more pretentious. “oh, chicago’s changing so much, wahhh. how can we evolve and not change the core of who we are”. which, is a topic i really value, and a subject i think about a lot for my own city. but the way it comes off in this review makes me wanna go, “oh fuck off, you middle aged fuck!”

plus the fact that a lot is happening and ebra is just reading, and is told multiple times to stop, but he keeps going because he thinks he’s lifting spirits. ugh. heartbreaking.

uff. ebra won’t stop reading. tina is late. marcus is NOT doing cakes but is lost in donuts (AGAIN). they’re rolling out the new to-go systems today. a reviewer is praising syd’s dish that isn’t actually on the menu and was given to him instead of being tossed. it’s just a perfect cluster fuck of a day. and it hasn’t even began.

i’ve seen some back and forth on how weird it is that when tina introduces her son louie to the restaurant, after he got suspended, was to ask carmy to teach him how to work at a restaurant. which i don’t think is weird at all! i know a few people who’s parents worked in restaurants, or who knew of parents who worked in restaurants, and their kids basically worked lower down positions as a chore. most weren’t paid. is that illegal? yes. BUT, louie is suspended, his mom works all day, we never hear of a dad. he can’t be left home all day, and being left home all day without supervision probably wouldn’t be good for any kid, but definitely not a kid who just got suspended. there’s a tone in tina’s voice of….recognition that louie probably is going to need to learn restaurant skills because he’s most likely not going to go far in school. so it’s not the worst thing in the world. am i opposed to child labor? yes. do i think it’s the worst thing in the world that while louie is suspended he learns to work in a kitchen? no. do i think he deserves to be paid? yes. do i think he is going to be paid? really couldn’t tell ya. but i also think this is just true to a world of people in kitchens, and a real issue that parents and guardians have to deal with in regards to their kids. right or wrong isn’t really the thing to discuss here, but the authenticity of this moment in the lives of a lot of working class individuals.

i will say that carmy throwing training louie in on sydney is a little dickish. i understand there’s a lot going on, and carmy feels the weight of the lot that is going on. but syd also has a lot going on, and carmy just kind of tosses it at her. i think there’s a lot of moments people complain about carmy throwing stuff on syd’s plate. and i agree with some of it and don’t agree with others. but it could have been just a bit easier on everyone if carmy gave it to someone who had less going on than syd. give louie to sweeps and have louie do the odds and ends that need doing. you know?

UFF, that the moment we see the unhappiness on syd’s face as carmy passes louie off on her, ebra starts reading the review again. painful. just painful.

i love that tina has so quickly come to regard syd as a teacher. that she confides in syd about louie and believes in her so much that she is confident that syd can help louie the same way syd helped tina.

love the little moment of richie and carmy being on the same side on the review. just both of them going: who the fuck is this hack who thinks it’s endearing to call us shabby, as if we’re this quaint little hayseed restaurant. the little engine that could. fuck him! i love those small moments when carmy and richie are so clearly family and grew up together and even as they have the most intense fights together slip right into agreement. because the love is never in question. fight, don’t fight. eh, it’s family.

ufffff, but the fact that richie is just that little extra bit annoying to syd. all the bad things adding together, before the real horse-shit has even happened. it’s just all painful. but like, asking her if she’s blowing someone at the newspaper is a step above anything we’ve seen him say to syd. and syd is just fucking over it, because she’s got enough shit going on. and then his repeatedly calling her boss, subtly rubbing it in, poking at the idea that she’s trying to take over. FUCK. it hurts so good

especially watching it again and knowing it’s coming. because so far if you’re watching for the first time you don’t know what’s coming. you might have picked up the one take, you might notice that while the episode hasn’t been break-neck intensity like some of the first episodes, there’s just this….growing sense of unease. you can almost feel that something is coming, but you don’t know what it is yet.

i love as carmy is getting the count for the day: “richie, go fuck yourself”, “69 all day chef!” just these small moments of humor, even if the humor is people annoying each other and also adds to the tension.

oooof, and then marcus doesn’t have the count for cakes. i just…i want to be supportive of marcus. but this is the….third? fourth time? JUST IN THE SHOW that we’ve seen someone go “dude, come on. you can do donuts, but you HAVE to do your actual job.” like, he almost shut the shop down because he blew a fuse because he fucked up. like, that wasn’t a wake up call? i love his dream, and i want him to chase his dream, but being an adult, especially an adult who’s working a job to support his mom, at a restaurant that is trying to claw its way back from the brink of financial ruin….you can’t fuck around! or you find out.

i love the moment where sydney chooses NOT to get into it with richie. because she’s teaching louie the register. which is, arguably, the easiest thing to learn. the nuance and finesse of it is, without question, something not everyone can do. we see that as the show progresses, and we’ve seen it already. richie has a way with people that is his gift. but the actual act of being on register is extremely easy. and it’s obvious why syd would bring him to the register, but richie comes up and shoo’s them away acting like his job is too much for louie. and syd just bounces to the next thing, and chooses not to get into with him. it’s not worth starting a thing by telling richie his job is not that hard. AND she does the right thing of asking sweeps to take louie, keep working, while she goes over the new to-go system with richie. because she has a lot to do, and can’t be stuck watching a kid.

and then the fact that as richie pushes syd’s buttons about getting her dish in the paper, suddenly she snaps. richie is getting in her face about bringing in “the wrong kind of business”? as if the shop can afford to choose who’s money they take and who’s they don’t? as richie sells coke out of the back alley, and carmy is selling vintage denim just to make ends meet? and so, syd goes in for the jugular and pushes back. with a lot of bite.

i love that at some part as richie, syd, and carmy are talking, as tensions are beginning to rise as everyone is just getting mad at everyone, and BEFORE the shit hits the fan, Spiders (Kidsmoke) by Wilco starts playing. a live version that is so loud, and noisy, and ragged that it just adds to this unbelievable tension and anxiety before you even know why you should be anxious in the first place.

THE SHIT HITS: endless to-go orders. and here’s where i gotta get into this, because i think this is the precipice of a lot of dialogue and conversations and i want to weigh in. before i go ANY FURTHER i gotta just say that i LOVE carmy, and syd, and marcus a lot. i love them. and so when i criticize any of them, it’s not a black and white thing. i’m not trying to take sides and shit on one character completely (like so many people seem to do).

carmy owns the beef. he’s working to try and get the shop out of a hole and build it up to a place where it’s financially stable. he’s also working and trying to introduce his system to the social environment, replacing michael’s system. there has been a lot of chaos, a lot of pushback and a lot of work. he has hired sydney to be his number two. sydney has been the one pushing for to-go’s for EPISODES. and while it’s not like sydney doesn’t have a lot going on, to-go’s has been her fight for a while. even in a previous episode carmy said “we just got it to kind of a chill place, there’s more to do but this is nice and i want to keep it here for a bit” in response to syd pushing to-go’s. so it’s not unreasonable of him to have said to her at some point, “if you wanna do to-go’s, can you be in charge of it?”. i’ve seen so many people shitting on carmy for being a bad boss for not checking on syd’s work, and to me it’s like…he trusts her enough that if she says she’s going to do something, he trusts it’ll be done. how many of us like it when our boss hovers over our shoulder watching everything we do? none of us! i think it makes perfect sense that carmy gave to-go’s to sydney, who’s been asking for them for weeks, if not months, and if he gave her the freedom and the trust to do it herself, since she has continually proven herself as trustworthy, AND as someone who has continually asked for leadership roles. could he have checked in, or double checked that she did everything right, and made sure she didn’t accidentally leave to-go’s on overnight? of course, and i will fault him for that. but we’ve also seen that he’s incredibly busy, and he trusts syd, so that small mistake is not nearly as bad as the people calling carmy a horrible boss want to make him out to be.

plus, it’s weird that the people who seem to shit on carmy as a horrible boss for this moment seem to also think syd is perfect? like it’s carmy’s fault that syd didn’t double check if she turned off the to-go’s overnight? idk, there’s a logical fallacy in how so many people talk about this moment.

but the point of all of this is for me to say, neither of them are horrible! sydney made an innocent mistake! like, a mistake that FUCKED the restaurant, but an easy one to make. maybe she fully forgot to click the off button, maybe she clicked the screen and it didn’t register her finger and she didn’t notice and assumed it hit off? who knows. new technology is weird. it’s hard. and it doesn’t make sydney a shitty person for messing up, nor does it make carmy a shitty person for not catching the mistake himself.

and yes, the fact that as carmy is focusing on the mess of having HUNDREDS of orders (more than they have of any menu item in the shop), that he also stops and says: “i told you that dish wasn’t fuckin’ ready” shows that some of his anger is at syd for having a successful dish. so, yes, it’s misplaced anger, and he needs to work on that. and when syd asks “what does that have to do with this?” and he yells at her to stop talking so he can figure it out, it’s because he knows he was just caught being a baby, and being angry at the wrong thing and not wanting to be confronted with it. he has trouble processing his emotions, and dealing with them, and it comes out in anger and he needs to work on that!

because i think there’s a mix of things happening with carmy and that dish, and syd. i think he struggles not to see her as competition, even as her boss. he says in the next episode that even as the sou at his restaurant, when anyone new would come in he would have the desire and urge to “smoke that motherfucker” because they were the competition, even though he was their boss. and now he’s the owner, and syd is his sou, and even though she can’t get higher without his say so, he still feels that threat of “what if she’s a better cook? what if she deserves this more than i do?”. we see him work on a lemon chicken dish, as she works on a braised short ribs and risotto. his dish makes it to menu, hers doesn’t. but the critic breezes past all the work carmy has done on making the sandwiches better, and updating the menu by saying “some small improvements” only to get it out of the way so he can talk about syd’s dish. the dish carmy said wasn’t ready yet.

and i believe it wasn’t ready, i think i’ve talked about this in a previous post. it wasn’t ready. BUT i don’t think carmy knew what it needed. he comes off as an unhelpful asshole to syd because he doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know what her dish needs. there’s too much pride on him being the best chef ever for him to work WITH sydney to make her dish perfect. and now it’s all biting him in the ass. he’s mad syd made the better dish, he’s mad he can’t figure out why it’s not perfect, he’s mad all the work he’s doing for the beef is not being recognized but syd’s imperfect dish is, but he’s also mad at the very real frustrations being presented with the to-go orders flying out at him endlessly, and i know, I KNOW (because of the next episode after this one) that he’s mad at himself for feeling all of this and not being able to process and handle it better. and all of that anger and frustration comes pouring out of him in a very unhealthy way.

i also think it’s lost a bit at how carmy takes a moment to think. it’s a hectic moment, and his mind is still on syd and everything else, but he takes a second and he on-the-fly creates a system to try and get everything done and help everyone accomplish the day and get through it. people are going into the walk in and pulling food, stations are being created and properly sectioned off, sweeps is organizing tickets, fak is helping, richie is helping, and carmy gives everyone a job to do. i think it’s mirrored (and mirrored in a healthy way) next season in the finale, but i want to point out that carmy is trying to get everything down and under control, he’s just doing it while screaming and letting his fury fly free on everyone around him.

OOOOOF, and syd asking marcus how he’s doing on cakes, as everyone, EVERYONE, is flying and scurrying and trying to figure out how to get on top of this cluster fuck. and marcus, in a distracted, uncaring voice says “uh, getting there”. because he’s still on donuts. i’m sorry. that’s just so fucking unbelievably not okay.

i’ve seen some people really trying to defend marcus. some even agree with him. it’s pointless to try, we’re fucked, why can’t i just keep working on donuts? BUT LIKE FOR FUCKS SAKE. as someone who used to work at mcdonald’s with no autonomy, who was hired to be some sort of drug addicts half-baked plan to have really good bread when buying bread was cheaper and easier, so your job is nearly useless and pointless. being given the freedom to focus on desserts, and spearheading a dessert on your own, AND THEN being given even more autonomy to research, and experiment, and play around to try and figure out how to make a donut, and all your bosses ask is that you do the job they’re paying you to do. you make cakes. your idea was to put cakes on the menu, we did that, so do it. do whatever else you want, but just make sure you’re doing your job. AND NOT ONLY THAT but at least four or five times in the last few weeks someone has had to say, “hey! do your job please!”, to the point where you even blew a fuse and almost shut your work down for good because you weren’t doing your job. AND NOW there’s a potentially shop ending crisis (AGAIN) and your response is “eh. it’s fucked. i’m gonna do me”. NO! i’m sorry. he doesn’t deserve carmy’s abuse, but he deserves syd’s anger and more. like, i love marcus, but that’s just not acceptable.

ok, and, here’s a place where i want to be really nuanced and try and explain something: sydney’s bouncing around trying to do a lot at once. clearly she’s stressed. BUT, carmy is also running around and trying to do a lot at once, and he’s the boss. he’s creating a system, on the fly, and when he comes to syd and sweeps organizing the tickets he tells her multiple times “step off the expo” because he’s going to do it. and she keeps arguing with him. not maliciously, but because she’s trying to explain HER system to him, but he’s already running HIS system and he doesn’t need to hear her system, he needs her to get in line and start working so they can get through the rush. every second counts and he doesn’t need to waste what precious time that they don’t even have to give to hear her reasoning for something that they’re not gonna do. i don’t want to blow past carmy’s abusive and bombastic anger, because it can’t be, nor should it be, ignored or blown past. but it’s easy to talk about it. carmy is in the wrong with HOW he reacts to the challenges of this day. he’s wrong in every single action, but i don’t think he’s wrong in the decisions he’s making to tackle it. sydney wants to break it down and try to systematically get through things, and carmy knows: we already have more to-go orders than we have food in our walk in. there is no way to systematically break it down. we just have to GO, fire everything, cook everything and see what shit we’re left with when we run out.

syd’s not in the wrong for trying to create a system to break things down and organize the chaos, but carmy is also not wrong for knowing the chaos is too big on this one and they just need to push and see where they land. and as the boss, i will say syd is in the wrong for just…not listening to him. yes, she’s trying to help, and she’s trying manage, but carmy asked her multiple times to do something and she kept not doing it. and yes, carmy is very in the wrong for how he treats EVERYONE. i’m not excusing that. it’s just wrong. but in a rush, especially one as fucked as this one is, you just gotta listen to who’s in charge and do what you can do until the rush is over. does that mean allowing yourself to be debased if your boss is being verbally abusive? FUCK NO. but in a crisis at work in the service industry, if your boss says to do something, you just gotta do it, and if it goes to shit you get the satisfaction of knowing it’s their fault. you were just following their orders. i hope this makes sense. i don’t think they should have just put up with carmy’s abuse, BUT syd’s attempt at trying to have a nuanced and reasonable discussion over how to best tackle the problem was not the time and place. in a crisis, the boss is the boss, and you just gotta go with what they say, and if possible talk about it later. but in the moment it’s do or die.

i also think there’s an interesting parallel between syd’s mistake here, and carmy’s mistake in the very first episode. both of them were trying to help the shop make more money. syd with the to-go’s, and carmy with the ballbreaker tournament. both of them are successful and bring a lot of people in. both of them realize that in the restaurant world, you can’t have explosive growth without proper preparation. because they’re not set up for it. richie tells carmy they’re not set up to deal with the influx of nerds playing games, so carm should make the spaghetti. in this episode, carm tells syd they weren’t ready for to-go’s, and it’s not helped by the good review in the newspaper that morning. more business might seem like a universal good thing, but in the restaurant biz, if too many people come than you overwork your staff, you might run out of food, wait times begin to go up as they’re working harder to accommodate for everything. and then every additional customer gets more and more upset as they have a bad time at this place. you risk losing every new customer, because they came in, and you weren’t ready for them, and they had a terrible time. and you risk losing old reliable customers because they came in and the place was crowded, and you were overwhelmed by the new influx, and they get so frustrated that they decide to never come in again. more than one restaurant has closed because they suddenly experienced an explosion they weren’t ready for, and it overwhelmed them, and then they crashed and burned.

BUT BACK TO THE SHOW: syd didn’t say corner. i’m not sure if saying it would have helped, but richie said corner, syd didn’t. but richie is also an asshole, and choosing to take that moment to push syd’s buttons more as the cakes that SO DESPERATELY need to be cut and prepped fall to the ground. fuck off richie.

tina’s moment to try and check in on syd is so sweet. mama bear gotta come in and mama bear. and that syd takes her anger out on her, and insults the beef (where tina has worked and the place tina loves) and questions what tina or louie is ever going to get out of “a shithole” like the beef is rough to watch. because it’s so clear how much tina has come to respect syd and her teaching her chef things, and for syd to just kind of spit on that, and take her anger she’s feeling at herself (for making the mistake with the to-go’s), and at carmy (for clearly being mad about the risotto and for yelling at her), and at richie (for….well, being richie. fuck richie) and to put it on tina who is only trying to make sure that syd is okay, is hard.

GET ME A FUCKING SHARPIE THAT FUCKING WORKS! FUCK! - the most relatable line i’ve ever heard to depict a shift that has turned into an absolute shit show. why can’t shop sharpies work the moment you desperately need them to?

i do love (and maybe love is the wrong word) the blink and you’ll miss it moment of tina telling carmy that they’re out of giardiniera, and him saying they’ll prep it fresh and (like always) he (without thinking) puts it on syd’s plate. which shows his trust of her. BUT also shows his willingness to brush off anything he doesn’t want to deal with on her. AND THEN, because everything is moving so fast, he calls richie into the kitchen to ask for a sharpie, and as his brain is still processing and flying through he asks him to prep the giardiniera. it’s a beautiful, and realistic, moment of television. because we’ve seen so many moments of “something i don’t want to deal with, ‘syd, you got this’”, and so carmy does that. but he doesn’t even realize he’s said it. and the problem is still on his brain, as he sees richie and asks him to fix this problem, because everyone else (including sydney) is probably dealing with the million other issues that are happening in the kitchen at that moment.

and i appreciate that as richie goes to the back to prep the giardiniera, and sydney questions what he’s doing he says “what does it look like? i’m helping you”, he honestly didn’t go back to fight. he recognizes that syd is doing something, and because he’s also been told to do something he’s hopping into “okay. so sydney’s already doing this, so then i’ll just help her.” which is, honestly, the right attitude. but sydney has already been so bashed around and is already feeling so much that she takes richie’s presence as a threat.

there’s something about the way syd lays into richie that…so supremely gets under my skin. i honestly can’t even fully explain it. she does such a good job in this moment acting out this onslaught of insults. the intense intake of breath, the bitter laughter, the just stabbing (intentional wordplay) of her words into him. ufff. i like….hate syd here, even as i think richie probably deserves it.

and i love that he takes everything she says, chooses not to engage until she insults his daughter. WHICH IS FAIR, syd went WAY TOO FUCKING FAR with that one. because we know he feels like a loser. his ex wife has him as richie bad news, his daughter wonders if that’s his real name, he brags about drunken nights and mornings at bars to dates and doesn’t realize why that doesn’t impress them, and then lies to his coworkers about it, blaming her. he knows that he’s a loser. but he knows that his daughter is the one good thing he ever did, and he doesn’t want his daughter to think of him as a loser.

and again, carmy comes in as they’re fighting, even as syd is brandishing a chefs night, literally TOUCHING it to richie’s stomach, as she says “maybe i will fucking stab you”, and he screams at them to shut up and get to work. which, once again, is the right call, just enacted terribly. because yes, they need to stop and just get the work done, but his screaming at them isn’t going to help calm them down. but also, like….when people are brandishing knives at other employees, maybe you got bigger fish to fry, carm.

uuuuuuuuuuufffffda. the fact that after all this time. ALL THIS TIME. as everyone is having the worst day in the kitchen they’ve ever had. arguably, the worst day in the kitchen anyone COULD HAVE, that marcus goes up to carmy with a DONUT and is smiling, like, “look! i did it!” FUCK OFF.

and no, carmy freaking out, grabbing marcus’ face, grabbing his donut and throwing it on the floor is not okay. that is abuse. it just is. arguably, actionable abuse. marcus was…partially right for leaving after carmy did that to him. that was absolutely, unequivocally, not okay for carmy to do. but….marcus…..the fuck dude. this is like the fifth or sixth time someone has had to do say to you “the fuck? do your fucking job.” in this episode alone this would have been like a “third warning” in a day. marcus deserves to be fired, or sent home for the day, or written up, or some form of punished for this. because in a 20 minute, in real time, no cuts scene, this is literally the third time marcus has chosen not to do his job, not to get back to work, but not even to help anyone else out around the kitchen as they all are struggling and hustling and just trying to make it work. like, it’s not only disrespectful to the restaurant that it trying desperately not to close, it’s not only disrespectful to carmy who has literally given you every opportunity to chase after your dreams and been way more than understanding when your dreams have gotten in the way of your duties in the kitchen, but it’s so fucking disrespectful to every single person in that kitchen who is struggling and fighting tooth and nail to get things in order and make it work so that they still have jobs next week. like, marcus, your mom is sick (spoilers), tina has a son, richie has a daughter, you all need to pay rent, buy food. you’re threatening seven people’s livelihoods because you want to make a “perfect donut”? no, i’m sorry, get the fuck out of the kitchen and come back when you’re ready to be an adult who can multitask and prioritize doing his job, and doing the fun stuff only after everything else is done. (again, carmy’s reaction is fully wrong and i do not support it, though! toxic, angry, abusive. not okay).

but because of carmy’s abuse, marcus chooses to leave during the middle of the shift, and again, kind of leaves everyone in the lurch to try and figure the shit out and pick up the pieces. and….im not fully sure how i feel. i believe in removing yourself from abusive situations. and carmy is being abusive. and i also don’t believe in staying in an abusive situation for the sake of other people, because you have to take care of yourself first. but….carmy is not normally abusive like this. i know a lot of people like to say that he is, but so far in the series, he has only ever raised his voice to speak over others, and has almost never (if ever) been confrontationally abusive to anyone. other than maybe richie, and that’s giving as good as he’s getting, to someone who is in his family. i’m not trying to excuse abuse to a family member, but it’s much more of a feel of “richie is my cousin, i can speak differently than i would to the others who are my employees”. his meanness to richie is more of a informal familiarity, more than it’s abusive. this is really the first time we’ve seen carmy choosing to be loud, angry, AND attack others directly with his words. he has been confrontational, he has been loud, he has been angry, but he’s never been all of them, as he’s attacked those around him. so, all of that to say….the fact that carmy is like this for the first time is shocking, and it adds more believability for why marcus (and eventually syd) leave. it’s shocking. but i also can’t help but think of everyone else that marcus is fucking over by leaving the very first time carmy does something wrong to him. you know? and maybe i’m wrong! maybe i’m not reading past experiences and conversations and interactions correctly! if i am, let me know! but, every time i see marcus throw his tray of donuts on the table and take off his apron and walk out, i can’t help but think “really? you fucked up so many times, you were told to do your jobs so many times, and now you’re choosing to pack up and go home??? you’re fucking people over and forcing syd to do your job for you, while she does a million other things, and you think you get to go home as the morally superior one? fuck off”.

and again, i love marcus. i think he’s got so much heart and is arguably the heartfelt anchor of this shows. but he’s human and the writers do a great job of writing him as a human, and he does a great job acting as a fully fledged human. but as a human, he has made a lot of mistakes the last few episodes.

AND THEN SYD STABS RICHIE IN THE ASS!!!! quasi-on purpose, quasi-accidental. i mean. watch in slow-mo as richie backs up into syd’s knife. its so quick, and syd was looking over at carmy shouting, and richie was backing up. like…it WAS an accident. buttttttttt…..was it?

the fact that richie immediately upon getting stabbed walks it off, and is like “ebra, come on. i got stabbed.” and ebra also immediately follows richie to sew up his ass. what friendship. and what history does it spell out for richie and ebra, both? like richie is just like “ope. stabbed. okay, i’ll deal with this now.” and ebra is like “you’re stabbed? okay, let me get my stuff.”

“not right now, i got stabbed” “you probably fucking deserved it” “mm….m-maybe, maybe.” is such a good back and forth between carmy and richie.

i also think it’s interesting that as carmy walks out to the front of the shop to check on louie and sweeps, while richie is at the front of the bar for ebra to check out his ass wound, carmy asks louie and sweeps how their job is going, and they respond that they’re working on it, and carmy says “thank you, chef. keep going please.” very calm. very collected. i wonder if this was voice over, and just sort of overlooked, or if it was a conscious decision of carmy being calm and responsive in a moment during the chaos? because since shit has hit the fan he’s been shouting and calling people names, but louie and sweeps respond to him with just “we’re doing what you asked” and his response is a very appropriate “ok. thank you.”

i love that as ebra tells richie his story of samalia and the “factions”, as he describes the helicopters coming in, we hear helicopters in the background, mixing with the music. and then richie goes “is this shit black hawk down!?” such a genius moment of humor during such a tense episode. and for that exchange to end with “fuckin’ piven” “piven”.

i fully believe the two seconds carmy spends in the walk in cooler he’s taking two seconds to just breathe.

tina opens the doors, even as they’re out of food, for the very first customer of the day. and he says “do you guys have risotto?” and tina just barks “no!”. ugh. so painful. so good.

once again, syd leaving right as the doors are opening is….i have mixed feelings. she just stabbed a guy, i get it (well….i don’t get it, i’ve never stabbed a guy). but she’s clearly in a bit of shock, and should prioritize her mental health over the shop. but….AGAIN, there are so many people who have no other options in their life, who need the beef to survive, and to abandon them all in the middle of a crisis just sucks. and i think it’s saying something that it’s syd and marcus. they have been sort of focal points and main characters in the show, yes. so them leaving is the most dramatic to the tension and narrative. BUT they’re also young. syd has an impressive resume and can find another job. arguably, marcus has a better resume now than he did when he got the job. they’ll be okay. but as it’s been stated so many times….where is richie gonna go? where is tina gonna go? sweeps has a history of drugs that is probably going to make it difficult to get another job (maybe. idk. he could have been kicked out of the mlb for weed or something, but still). the beef is full of people who have no where else to go, and the people who can afford to get out to at the worst possible moment, at the expense of the people who can’t afford to leave.

i was talking to my sister about this, she’s a psychologist. because i want syd and marcus to be emotionally, and psychologically healthy, and part of that is by removing yourself from toxic situations. but i can’t help but see the class dynamics of two people who have way more opportunities and privilege leaving the shop at the expense of the people around them. and i don’t know fully where to land.

but syd basically leaving and putting all of the blame on carmy is still….not fully right in my eyes? carmy is being abusive, carmy has created an atmosphere in the kitchen that was so overwhelming and bombastic that syd got distracted and accidentally stabbed richie. but for her to say “well, it’s all carmy’s fault” isn’t right. yes, when she calls him a piece of shit, she’s saying it for his actions today; for his actions with not having the humility to admit he doesn’t know what’s missing from her dish, and a lot. but almost every episode they’ve had a back and forth and a chance to talk and he’s continually apologized for his wrong moves, and she really hasn’t. so, to be right in the middle of a shitshow, and to say “this is all on you, this isn’t my fault”…like….ehhhhh, you asked to have more responsibility, you pushed for to gos and then you didn’t set it up properly. easy/honest mistake, but you still made it. that’s on you. you also picked fights (even with assholes who deserved them) and tried to argue with your boss about something in the middle of a rush. like, all understandable, none of it evil. but to turn all of that over to carmy and go, “100% of this is your fault.” like…no it’s not? syd definitely has a right to leave to try and process the traumatic event of stabbing someone, she has a right to leave to escape the toxic environment carmy has created, even if i have mixed feelings on making everyone’s lives harder by leaving. but i don’t think she can say it’s all his fault. it’s not ALL his fault, even if A LOT, if not MOST, of it is his fault.

i also wonder if syd calling him a piece of shit has anything to do with their “i don’t want to be shitty” “then don’t” conversation in season two? (but we’ll talk about that when we get there)

carmy realizing the weight of his actions, as the shit continues to crash and burn around him, only to crouch down and eat the smushed donut off the floor, and then have a sick, twisted, grim smile as he realizes that the donut is actually really fucking amazing, is such beautiful poetry. it hurts.

and also, people really are disgusted by carmy doing that, and like, yeah, it IS disgusting. but that shit happens every day at your favorite restaurant. shit fall. people pick it up and eat it. it’s not great, but it’s so true.

carmy smacking the ticket printer off the shelf and (hopefully) breaking it is the only outburst of anger i am in full support of. the ticket printer deserves to die.

aaaaaaaand that’s the episode. wilco plays their final note, a crowd erupts in cheers and we’re all left just…emotionally wrecked. i have probably watched this episode (along with the whole season) a dozen times, and im still conflicted on how i feel about the whole thing. because obviously carmy is in the wrong. it’s barely worth discussing how carmy is in the wrong. anyone trying to defend carmy is also in the wrong. but i don’t think he deserves 100% of the blame. a bad thing happened that wasn’t his fault, and he took his frustrations out on everybody around him, instead dealing with them in a healthy and non-toxic way. but everyone in this episode was at their worst, and that’s THE POINT OF THIS EPISODE. EVERYONE. tina’s mama bear-ing only caused frustration, marcus was lost in donuts and made things harder, syd made a i little mistake with huge consequences and then also attacked everyone around her (except much less intensely than carmy), richie is on fine form with being his annoying self, ebra reading the newspaper after being told to stop, and carmy’s abusive, explosive anger. they’re all at fault. not just carmy. carmy is just the loudest, most bombastic, and the main character, so we notice it more.

but that’s the episode! next is episode eight! season finale! in what is arguably one of the most subtle, nuanced, often overlooked and not talked about episodes….with one of the biggest, over the top endings ever that everyone LOVES talking about. but, we’ll talk about it when we get there!

season one: episode one | episode two | episode three | episode four | episode five | episode six | episode eight

season two: episode one | episode two | episode three | episode four | episode five | episode six | episode seven | episode eight | episode nine | episode ten

[loveabledirtbag]

1.06 - ceres

the one second lead in: the music, the handwashing, the VOICE, and then it’s him! jon bernthal!!! jon bernthal is mikey

and the moment you realize he’s mikey, it makes you hit your head. because you saw the back of his head for a second and who else could it be? you heard him speak to carmy in carmy’s head and who else sounds like that? every rewatch you will see him and hear him before this episode and think to yourself: “how the FUCK did i not know it was him the moment we got that glimpse of him?”

i love that mikey is wearing a beef shirt, just like richie does in the present day

i love the charisma of this story. that mikey can talk about being drunk and high at 6:45am with richie and we the audience are just like “hell yeah, what a night!” and how in the flash forward and in future episodes we see the immediate narration from the creative team behind the scenes telling us: no, no, no. this is BAD

this is the most chicago story of all time. ceres bar, savvy, bill murrey, blackhawks. just pure chicago

i love that the quick mention that richie went behind the bar to grab a informational pamphlet about ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and about ceres the bar, and how it will come back to play in the episode when richie talks to syd

fun fact: in the restaurant where present day richie is on a date; the kitchen of that (real chicagoan) restaurant is where they filmed carmy’s new york kitchen flashback in episode two. it’s funny that the kitchen was played off as new york, but the dining room was set in chicago where it actually is

the quick snap to the present to listen to richie/no-charisma richie/lost-without-his-best-friend-richie is so good. because mikey is so engaging that we totally forgive and forget the element of the story where he was drunk and high at 6:45 in the morning at a bar. but when richie tells the story it’s deeply sad and we realize it’s sad. and it makes me wonder how much of mikey’s problems weren’t dealt with because he was charismatic? how many people thought he was totally fine until he died, and then looked at the people around him and saw how sad they were and realized how sad mikey must have been?

i saw a really funny post online where someone was saying they thought richie must have been skimming off the top of the bear because he was wearing a $6,000 suit that was perfectly tailored to him. which is hilarious to me, because this is a tv show. carmy is wearing a $60-$120 t-shirt. A T-SHIRT! we’re being told that both of these guys are broke-ish, operating a broke sandwich shop. they’re not stealing from the shop, they’re characters on a tv show. i love the idea of richie skimming from the top, but as we see more and more as the show goes on, richie is committed and wouldn’t do that

that song that plays as we come into the beef. i’m blanking on the name, but it also played in ferris bueller’s day off, which is also set in chicago. i’m just assuming it’s a “chicago song”? i like it though

richie twisting his poor date as HER fault as he recounts it to tina. so real. i’ve talked to a lot of richie’s who go on a lotta dates and when they tell me about it afterwards it’s always THEIR DATES fault, and never their own. “no sense of humor, no sense of chicago history”. not, “we’re in our 40’s and i’m trying to entertain and impress her with a bill murrey story about being high and drunk at a bar at 6:45am”

“OK LISTEN UP! okay, i just yelled like that?” “yeah, make it worth it” THATS HOW YOU RUN A FUCKING KITCHEN! like, i know carmy gets so much shit for how he runs the kitchen, and i’m not trying to excuse his NUMEROUS faults. like with his mental health, how he expresses his feelings in a professional setting, and his obvious shortcomings with managing a shop. BUT a dishwasher felt empowered to make an announcement to the whole shop about taking tape off of bins they toss in the sink, and i love it. it’s the little details that show that carmy IS actually a good, caring, empowering boss who probably deserves to be the boss. he just also has his struggles, which is why he needs sydney. which is kinda the point of the show? or at least one of the points

ok. i know that i complain about syd a lot; WHICH I DONT WANT TO, because syd is the best. BUT i think it’s overlooked that the show does try to balance syd and carmy. neither are perfect. and it shows here where syd is diving into a conversation about her new dish, and carmy REPEATEDLY tells her “now is not a good time, can we do this later”, but she barrels on ahead. now, can we assume that she’s probably tried to talk with him more than just this once? sure. but how do you expect to get carmy’s OK if he’s saying “not right now” and you insist “now”? i really like how this show gives both carmy and sydney faults. i like that syd is as excited and peppy as carmy is hesitant and a bit cynical. it’s very: elder service industry vs. new service industry. when i started out i was very syd, and by the time i left i was very carmy

another mention of the story arch for risotto, and the to-go! now they’re lumped together. risotto to go (which is fun to say) AND also, is kinda weird and hard to do. risotto is a sticky mess and if it’s anything less than perfect is barely worth eating and to-go’s thrive on food that is worth eating when it’s less than perfect. because it’s been sitting in a box for 10min - 1 hour. 15 minutes in and risotto is crap

the fact that carmy says: “i’m thinking about it. have you thought about the work flow? have you talked to manny and angel (about dishes)?” and when syd says “yes” he says “okay. now you know where i’m coming from. we have just gotten this place to a kinda functioning, chill place. i’d like to keep it that way for just a bit.” shows a good amount of managerial insight. like, i love syd for wanting to jump into these ideas and work towards creating the restaurant she dreams of with carmy. but the hardened realism from carmy of “this is a journey, and there are a lot of working parts, and a lot of those working parts are human beings who we need to make sure are onboard with coming in this journey with us. so we can’t just forge ahead and have them dragging their feet behind us”

of course, that good moment of managing then follows right into carmy not knowing how to work with the irs with the beefs taxes. which is so fitting. carmy is good with food, and (in my opinion) respecting people who aren’t pretentious. he’s not good at business. but nat is (…foreshadowing!!!!!)

carmy and cat saying “you’re yikes” to richie is so on point. and richie hopping into their sibling chat, like he thinks he belongs (because he does think he belongs in family talks) is also on point.

“i know exactly where it is” SMASH CUT to nat and carm in the office NOT FINDING IT. this is comedy gold. rough, gritty, painful, amazing, comedy gold

it’s interesting that in a scene where we focus on the end of it, the beginning of it we see richie burst out the door and sigh looking like he’s absolutely exhausted and the ONLY thing that can save him is a cigarette. thats when he looks over and sees the bar closed. but why would he be exhausted? we know the place hasn’t opened yet. we also know he doesn’t do anything except man the register (and “manage”, whatever he thinks that means for himself). so his job hasn’t really started yet, but he’s exhausted already??? we know he suffers from dread (from episode four) and takes xanax. i wonder if he was having a panic attack come on and a quick smoke was going to help soothe the nerves. not that i know from experience or anything….

if you think marcus sleeping on the floor of the kitchen isn’t something that has happened at your favorite restaurant…HAHA, so sorry to disappoint you. for a million reasons it happens. sometimes there are people so obsessed with getting something that they stay late and don’t want to go home just to come back, sometimes they are homeless (either short or long term) and it’s all they got. but it has probably happened at your favorite restaurant. sorry if that bothers you

i like the back and forth between syd and richie here. syd is reaching out in a generally nice and friendly manner, and richie responds mostly in kind. but richie’s somewhat hypocritical response of being sad the bar is closing, because it is another spot that he see’s as “his” that is closing. even if he was pseudo-banned from the bar. it wasn’t the bar he went to, but it was in HIS neighborhood. that makes it HIS community. like family. you don’t have to see eye to eye, to appreciate them in your life and be sad when something bad happens to them

but it’s also nice to hear syd’s side of things: these older (maybe dingier) places are shutting down and being replaced by “nicer” spots, because in her mind the people of the neighborhood deserve nice drinks and food

i love the sorta surface level debate about gentrification this show brings up. because richie likes what the river north neighborhood had to offer: the beef. the bar next door. these familiar places for working class, everyday people. sydney likes that nicer/trendier places are coming in because that’s gotta be “good for the community” as everyone says when something like that goes into a “rougher” neighborhood. i remember like 15 years ago gentrification was a GOOD THING in so many (white, conservative and neo-liberal) circles. a “good restaurant” was going to bring jobs, class, and clientele from outside the neighborhood to come into the neighborhood and spend their money, and then there will be more money for this neighborhood. of course, most of the people in those neighborhoods learned that as time went on, more “nice” places moved in, and they brought in more “nice” people from outside neighborhoods, and suddenly real estate prices went up, and suddenly rent went up, and suddenly those “nice” people from out of the neighborhood started moving in, and suddenly the businesses and the people who had been in that neighborhood for generations were getting squeezed out. i know richie is concerned about gentrification (even if that word is never used) out of his own selfish purposes, and his own fears of himself being squeezed out as the beef gets better. but i don’t think he’s fully wrong in what he’s saying. the owner of that bar lost his business, people who worked there lost their jobs. a sweet green is going in across the street. the river north he was raised in is disappearing, and without the love and anchoring of his best friend, he might disappear too.

in this talk between richie and sydney, we see richie pull out his knowledge of cerses again! he clearly read that pamphlet deeply. and also he must have identified with cerses a lot if he has retained all this info. but again, richie isn’t dumb, he loves phillip k. dick. he reads. he might be bad at stories, and explaining his analogies properly, but he’s not dumb. i love the poorly spoken idea of richie talking about the ceres statue not having a face, because when it was built it was the tallest building in chicago, no one could see it, so why would it need a face if no one could see its face? but then as time went on buildings rose up higher than the statue and now everyone could see it has no face. we know richie feels connected to ceres (his voicemail is bill murrey saying that they’ve reached “the goddess of agriculture”). he’s the statue with no face. he used to feel like he was on top of chicago, but now everyone is rising up past him, the beef is getting updated with a classically trained menu, and they can see that he has no face. which actually says more about him, than the others around him. he says they’re ruining things by making “bigger buildings”/changing the beef/improving the beef. but he’s actually scared that they’re going to improve to a place where everyone can see that he actually “has no face”/he’s not as good or important as he says he is. they’re going to grow up around him, and not need him anymore. he sees it as ruining a perfectly good statue, but really he’s reacting out of fear

i love that his talk about gentrification and the neighborhood changing too much is then interrupted by a bullet going through the window. the neighborhood isn’t changing too much

plus, his first move is to talk to the mobsters that hang out next door about if they knew anything…the neighborhood still has some ways to go

i also love that these gangsters are also soprano stereotypes, but it’s also spot on for a lot of italian mobsters in chicago

we see a little inking of who richie is, and his real role at the beef and his skill set with his talk with crooked john. he talks to him without fear, with an obvious previous relationship, and they share a conversation with respect. richie knows they exist and in his eyes they’re a part of his community, his little family, and as such they also deserve his respect. and after their talk, richie asks him if he could find anything out about who shot the window, and crooked john immediately gets guys to go and check it out. this is richie being the tallest point in chicago; this world is being squeezed out, but for a long time this was him being top dog of his world. but now the sweet greens are moving in, the buildings are growing in taller than him

also, i LOVE that crooked john says “alright, don’t go calling the police.” and richie says “what do you take me for? this is me we’re talking about.” ACAB, we love it. no police! (okay, it’s not strictly ACAB, but it IS a wide belief of working class people that cops aren’t going to do shit for you if you’re not rich enough. you gotta look out for yourself, and your community). this is what neighborhood watches were made to be, until white upper-middle class suburbanites made them into gossipy-call-the-cops-on-people-of-color-just-out-walking-their-dogs-at-night kind of things. so many studies show that neighbor and community solidarity actually does a better job at keeping the community safe and people cared for than any amount of money invested into police presence. just sayin’

sugar, in this moment, is SUCH a upper middle class individual. we’ve seen her nice house. we know she’s not living in the area anymore. she had an urban flight. she’s so upset that she owns a spot where bullets can fly through the window. and, yes, in this moment we’re supposed to focus on the fact that carmy is pushing for everyone to keep working so that they can open on time and not lose business. it’s more about carmy’s denial of feelings and always working and pushing so he doesn’t have to deal with his own issues. BUT notice how everyone is working together without qualm. for them, this is a part of life. and yes, not a good part. but if they don’t open, the shop probably closes and they lose their jobs. when nat asks to call the cops, in unison they all say “no cops” (ACAB ACAB) why? because cops aren’t going to help, and they know. some of them might be illegal immigrants. and again, if you think illegal immigrants aren’t in your favorite restaurant, or even cooking you your favorite meal…sorry for the rude awakening. everyone in the restaurant is dealing with the issue themselves, as they always have, because they live in a place where cops don’t come to help, but only cause more problems. nat, who lives in a more residential area, most likely a suburb outside chicago (from the looks of her house), and her whiteness and blonde hair, means she’s probably more used to the cops helping her. this show is about class and race, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong

a rare moment of harmony between carmy and richie. “paperwork’s not really my jam” “me neither”. they didn’t teach paperwork at noma, nor at devry. we have this sweet moment that shows richie and carmy’s long history together, and the fact that they’re cut from the same cloth. they even share a cigarette

“is there a name for that feeling where you’re scared of something good happening because you think something bad is going to happen?” “i don’t know. life?”

richie being in his ex-wife’s phone as “richie bad news” is so harsh. i have never been divorced, but i can’t imagine trying to poison my kids image of their parent to the point where they think their dads last name is bad news. but we’re just seeing so much of richie’s life

“oh shit! it’s the man with the golden dick! how are ya tom?” is……just a wild line to say to a customer when they come into your shop. i have so many questions. why does this man have a golden dick? why are you commenting on it? what transpired between the two of you (a guy behind a register, and his customer) that you have “golden dick” as context, and you feel comfortable bringing up said golden dick? ALSO, i’d love to know if this was pre-written by the writers, or if ebon ad libbed it himself. it feels like ad lib but, if it is written, i want to meet the person who wrote it. or, even more, IF THEY PITCHED the line in a writers room. like if someone sat at a table with the rest of the writers and someone was like “what should richie say to this customer?” “what about…’oh shit, it’s the man with the golden dick’?”

BUT i LOVE that this scene shows that richie IS GOOD at his job. i feel like it’s skipped over a lot this season. but richie is personable. he’s good with people. he talks with people friendly, personably, and it’s obvious why he’s front of house

ok. syd’s dish she wants to add to the menu does look AMAZING

but see, syd asks carmy if now is a good time to try her dish, he says yes, and he thanks her for asking. like…before syd was rushing things and pushing. carmy owns a business, he’s looking for tax shit, he’s got a million other business things he’s working on to make sure the place doesn’t close, and he’s working the beginning of the dinner rush and overseeing the line, which means he’s keeping track of every dish and what everyone is doing to make sure it all is up to quality. so, he’s busy. telling syd he can’t do something right then isn’t a dick move, he’s BUSY. but now he can talk with her, and try her dish

WHAT I WILL SAY THOUGH, and i’ll say it now and bring it back up when it comes up in future episodes is that he doesn’t tell her what’s wrong with her dish BECAUSE HE DOESNT KNOW. and he has to be the best chef, and not knowing drives him crazy and he doesn’t want to admit he’s stumped. he tells her it’s tremendous but it’s missing something, but he won’t tell her what it’s missing because he doesn’t know himself. this is a dick move. some might say he’s trying to teach her, but he has no problem pointing out other flaws in the dish that she says she’ll fix. he also has no problem correcting others to help dishes be better. but for this dish, he can’t tell her what’s wrong. not because he’s “wax on/wax off” teaching her, but because he really doesn’t know. i’ll talk about how i know that carmy doesn’t know what’s missing from the dish as the clues pop up (but that will be in a different episode). but this is a dick move on carmy’s part. a real golden dick move.

i’ve seen people say they’re so confused why syd would’ve given her dish to a customer. but i’ve seen that all the time. it’s not enough for a family meal. plus it’s not time for a family meal. it’s during dinner rush. so she can either toss it, or give it away. and giving it away makes that customers day. i’ve both given stuff away, and received stuff. and it did make my day. the fact that he happens to be an “immensely important customer” (that we’ll learn about next episode) is just a bit of tv happenstance

i just realized with this watch through that nat says it pisses her off that carmy never asks her how she’s doing. and that made me think about the flashback episode in season two. we’ll talk more when we get there, but it’s interesting that nat always asks her mom if she’s okay. and she’s mad at carm for not asking her.

i love the duality of where nat and carmy place their blame. nat blames the restaurant for their mom, for mikey, and now for carmy. and she’s scared the restaurant is going to do the same thing to carmy that it did to mikey. carmy blames their mom and mikey for their own faults and sees the restaurant as a neutral place that happened to take the brunt of their faults. it’s also telling that carmy’s happiest memories with mikey are when they’re cooking, and he found cooking to be an escape from his traumatic and toxic family. but nat seems to not find cooking an escape and does it occasionally and for family care, and nothing else

i love the slow opening up of carmy. he admits he feels trapped and that he doesn’t want to ask how others are feeling because he doesn’t know how he feels. it’s just that little bit closer on carmy’s journey to personal mental and emotional health

i also think it’s symbolic that as the restaurant is failing, and carmy and nat are fighting over the restaurant but also fighting over their relationship and what the restaurant represents for their family, their own wellbeing, and how carmy’s attempts to save the restaurant are slowly killing him and leading him down a path that nat fears will repeat mikey’s mistakes, it’s only after carmy and nat have a heart to heart and share their feelings that carmy (as the one who finally opened up) found the tax documents that they needed to give to the irs to save the shop. because it’s only through mental and emotional health that the shop is going to be saved. like nat was saying: less chaos, solid footing

the repeat of the lowboy checks, and it’s nice to see them look perfectly adequate. i mean….we’re dealing with lowboys, it’s not like i’m going to be blown away by good food storage

i’m not sure if i’ve mentioned this in these live bloggings before. but i’ve been to chicago a few times, and i’ve seen a few fights break out on more than one trip. so, the fact that two gangs begin to fight outside of an italian beef sandwich shop…….that tracks for me? i’m not saying it’s a specifically chicago thing, i’ve seen other fights break out in other places (i once went to a bar twice, and each time a fight broke out) but like…this doesn’t feel like tv happenstance to me. it kinda feels like a chicago scene to see two rival old school gangs fight

“WHERES MY GUN, ANY OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS TAKE MY GUN???” ohhhhhhh richie

the fact that syd, a tiny tiny human being shoves herself between to tall and large men, who are clearly mob connected, is WILD. she’s a better person than i am. but whatta great save: pop and sandwiches for everyone if they just calm down. but keep it on the DL. i love sweeps asking these people to betray their gangs rivalries for food and they’re like “eh. ok.”

i also love the slow undercurrent of sweeps’ backstory. sweeps tells marcus that when he used to play for the cubs he had to sleep in a few creative places. crooked john asks him about the changes and sweeps says “this is what happens when you sweep the padres but fail the drug test”. i love it

it’s wild to me that not being able to get into a fight between the two arguing gangs is what sets richie off. we know he’s having a bad day. he’s missing his best friend especially bad, he’s reminded that his daughter thinks his last name is bad news because his ex-wife has his name in her phone as richie bad news because she says he always calls with bad news. he feels like the ceres statue being passed up by every new building being built. but like…..the fact that he couldn’t be the mediator between two warring factions of mobsters is wild. it’s wild.

i love that the scene of richie flying off the handle; of lashing out by telling a loud raucous story that disrupts everyone’s routine, their system, (the new system), is kicked off by ebra dunking his hands into ice water to handle a bunch of hot meat on a grill. that method is OLD SCHOOL, maybe old school like richie is old school. the kind of old school that thinks yelling and laughing and slapping people on the back is okay during a dinner rush

it’s also so good that this is how richie lashes out. he has the cigarettes in his hand, even though just a few weeks ago he took the blame for leaving cigarettes out during a health inspection. he’s interrupting the workflow, even though we’ve repeatedly seen carmy yell at him about getting back to work and letting everyone get into their zone. he’s lashing out like this intentionally. and his outburst at sydney makes sense because she’s the biggest threat to him. carmy is family, his “cousin”, in his community. even as carmy is threatening to build taller towers that surpass richie, it’s more okay because carmy is in the family. but sydney isn’t. richie doesn’t know sydney, or care about her past. they didn’t grow up together. she’s an outsider, and so when she yells at him to get back to work, it allows him to freak out at her. she symbolizes everything he’s scared of, and she’s the one who solved the gangsters, the last bit of usefulness he thought he had

and it’s also so good and powerful that it’s tina that talks to him. tina is the one who was with richie the most. she was the most resistant to the new system. she laughed when things failed, she was making things harder for syd. but now she’s better. she’s figured it out. this new system is better. she’s more efficient, she’s cooking better food. she works at a place she believes in, and she believes in herself for the first time in a long time, if not for the first time ever

so tina telling richie he needs to go home, and cool off, and if he quits where else is he gonna go is simply so powerful and good. because that’s kind of the point, and richie doesn’t realize it. most people in that shop have nowhere else to go. maybe they’d find another job, but maybe they wouldn’t. they were just people working in a struggling sandwich shop and carmy (and sydney) have allowed them to believe in something more, because sydney and carmy believe in them. and richie either needs to realize that, yes, he’s ceres statue and everybody else is a taller tower, but he’s being offered a ride to the top of one of those towers if he’d just let go of his pride that he used to be the tallest one around. “where are you gonna go?” is so cutting. he’s got this misplaced pride and tina is saying he’s got to let it go. because if he can, someone is willing to help pick him up and take him to bigger and better things

and the fact that it’s so wrapped up in the past. tina brings up mikey “seemingly” out of the blue, but it’s because richie talks about the place being cool before. he calls syd and carm kids. because richie is a middle aged man who realized that he pissed his life away attaching himself to “the wrong person”. which also probably has guilt attached to it. he followed mikey to the gates of hell and then mikey left him there. richie is divorced, friendless, working a register at a sandwich shop, with a strained relationship with his daughter who is the only person he seems to really care about, and now these young people are coming in and changing everything and he’s scared that he’s going to get pushed out. it’s a midlife crisis to end all midlife crises. his best years are behind him (in his eyes) and he never thought about the future and now the futures here and he’s unprepared and it’s partially mikey’s fault but you can’t be mad at the dead, right? there’s so much guilt, and pain, and trauma, and everything in this convo between tina and richie, because tina gets it. but tina jumped over to another building and rode it to taller heights, and so she’s trying to get richie to do the same

AND THEN AND THEN: right after richie leaves it’s so smooth in the kitchen. and that’s the point. people are moving in and out, swapping to different stations, starting prep the moment someone finishes theirs without even waiting to look to see if they’re finished because they know they’re done. it’s a well-oiled machine, and richie not being there is truly for the better. there’s even a poppy little tune, people are smiling, it almost crosses the line into weird fantastical daydream territory, but it doesn’t

carmy asks if he wants to know what happened out there and sydney says no, just that she gave some people some leftovers. i just realized this now: is she talking about the gangsters or her dish? obviously, she’s talking about the gangsters, that’s the most immediate thing that just happened, but she also gave away her dish and that’s been the conflict between her and carly all day. is it a duel meaning? am i just high as i watch this episode? idk, you tell me

but also, carmy then apologizes to syd if he was shitty to her and she acts as if it’s no big deal. like, he’s trying. like he says in season two, he’s not trying to be shitty. idk, i just feel like people always talk about carry being angry and mad, but he really is shown trying

the poppy song and scene being cut to richie outside having called the cops (ACAB RICHIE, ACAB) on the gangsters is so good (i know i say good a lot). because specifically was insulted when crooked john said “don’t call the cops” and crooked john smiled and nodded, like “yeah, yeah. it is you. you’d never do that.” but this is like a real low point for him. he’s been talking about the delicate ecosystem, showing respect for the people in his community even if he disagrees with them (like carmy, like the bar owner, like these gangsters) and now he’s betraying his own morals, the morals of the staff at the beef, and fucking with the ecosystem he said he cared about and worried about how delicate it was. it’s showing that instead of just getting on the elevator to a taller building, he’s fighting a losing fight to hold onto his pride. syd took his pride when she handled the dangerous, scary gangsters, so he made the gangsters go away

but what’s also so good about this closing scene is that it still goes against what carmy is all about and the work he’s doing at the beef. carmy is fighting to not have the people of the beef be squeezed out with the changing of the neighborhood. he’s trying to teach people with no formal training — cooks — classically trained recipes and elevated methods to make them into chefs. but carly doesn’t want to change who they are. like he said in the third episode, he doesn’t want to change their dynamic but harness their potential. he even joins in the choir saying “no cops” when nat suggests it. carmy would never call the cops on the gangsters. case in point, he DIDN’T call the cops on the gangsters. no one did. there was this universal understanding; almost a respecting of the delicate ecosystem. and richie is the one who threatens to fuck it up by betraying everything he believes in just to hold onto his pride, and to push against carmy’s system. it’s almost like he knows mikey’s system is truly, completely dead in this moment. carmy’s system has won. and as the last holdout to join carmy’s system, and with mikey’s system destroyed, instead of moving forward richie becomes a free agent doing whatever he feels like, without a system, or a code, that he draws on. which is kinda scary if you think about it.

BUT THATS THE EPISODE

it’s so good. final thoughts: i love last episode and this one; these sort of break from the carmy show (and i love the carmy show) and allowing us to get a little deeper into the lives of the other main characters. i think it’s done even better next season (and we’ll talk about it later when it comes up)

my last thought has nothing to do with anything that happened this episode, but just something i thought of while watching the show: carmen, michael, richard. but we their nicknames are carmY, mikeY, richIE. they all have that “ee” sound. natalIE, sydneY. they also have that “ee” sound, but their nicknames are nat and syd. no “ee” sound. is there a reason the guys have “ee” nicknames (and that their nicknames are used more than their regular names) and the women have “ee” names but their nicknames don’t? is this something? or am i just high?

anywho

that’s the episode and the next one is EPISODE SEVEN and i’m not emotionally ready. see ya then!

Season One: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 |

Season Two

[loveabledirtbag]

are you spending too much $$$ at starbucks on pumpkin spice lattes? i’ll show you how to make your own syrup!

[loveabledirtbag]

Sheridan 1.05

i feel like the show starting right off the back with sydney in bed tells us, the audience, “oh, this is gonna be different”.

the quick cuts! seeing meal inspo, flashbacks to syd’s failed business. done so well to show us how protrusive the thoughts are

i love the sort of storied, layered tension of syd’s bedroom. because it’s obvious it’s her childhood bedroom, but also…how much of it has she updated as an adult? some of it? none of it? it feels like a child’s room. i also remember the first time seeing syd’s bedspread and thinking, “OH, is syd queer!?!?!?” remains to be seen, but at this point it’s probably rainbow because it’s her childhood bed. not because she’s queer

SO MANY DRUGS IN HER BATHROOM CABINET

i love that the two posters we see really clearly are: speed (which came out in ‘94), and jumping jack flash (which came out in ‘86). who is sydney? when was she born? why are these two movies on her wall. it clearly means something, the creators chose these posters so it has to mean something…but what???

i remember hearing from someone that the train station where syd gets on is really close to where the Mr. Beef (the exterior used for The Beef, and inspiration for it) is located. couldn’t say if that’s true or not, but if it is that’s kinda disappointing. obviously tv and movies have to do what they can with time and shooting locations, so maybe they had to shoot there. but the shows tries so hard to submerge us all into a sense of reality in the show that knowing sydney is a two minute walk from work as she’s boarding a train is disappointing.

the quick little camera work of carmy’s hands up to his face. just to prove that jeremy allen white is actually cooking

“a play on ‘Tongue & Cheek’” “ox tongue?” “or braised beef, maybe short rib…risotto?”…but then how is it a play on tongue & cheek, and not just…a dinner menu/dish?

here’s the beginning of the risotto storyline. and all the misery it entails!

carmy tells marcus to use scissors to cut the tape….but the tape dispenser has a blade. why was marcus ripping it in the first place? why does carmy say to cut it with scissors? the BLADE IS RIGHT THERE

idk why, but the toilet exploding is SO relatable to working at a shitty restaurant. why do so many toilets explode? i’ve never experienced a toilet exploding anywhere else in my life

“what is up you fucking replicants” richie’s phillip k. dick references are strong

ebra telling carmy there are many components to the new dish he’s showing them is really fitting with ebra’s storyline in season two (but more on that later)

there’s something pleasing about carmy saying “monter” and then realizing that his classically trained chef lingo isn’t going to be understood so he says “whisk in”. because carmy is coming down to their level, but is also proving you don’t need a fancy french education or need to know fancy words to make good food. “whisk in” works just as well. the class dynamics in this show are so on point.

the calmness shown in the kitchen now that everyone is on board with the new system that carmy is so good. where we’ve seen chaos and overlapping anger, now we just see calm, peaceful, quiet cooking. the only holdout is richie

“yo, should we do a bakery?” god, i love chester. and i’m so serious; everyone needs a friend like chester, and every kitchen i’ve been in has a chester. just someone’s friend that pops in all the time for no reason and who everyone knows

the back and forth as chester asks if he should watch the bachelorette without marcus is so sweet. and again, it added to the “is marcus queer?” debate in my head. but also, having a bachelorette night with your bestie also sounds pretty dope, and two straight dudes can tear that up. i just want marcus to be happy.

tina went to mikey’s and mikey/carmy/nat’s moms for christmas. just further deepening that relationship of the family and tina. tina wasn’t phased by carmy’s mom going “full psycho”.

it’s so hard to see the undercurrents of carmy’s anxiety come out when talking about his mom (even more so since watching season two), especially with his emotional support spoon (which we all need)

“never fuck my vibe!” “i swear to god i will fuck anything that i want to fuck” “you are not being nice and you will not fuck me” as richie and fak got closer and closer to each other. once again……..kinda queer vibes? i mean, yes, richie is homophobic, but psychologists teach us that the biggest homophobes are projecting their own internalized homophobia. i swear, 20% of me thought they’d kiss. sure, they ended up fighting and “wrestling”. but isn’t wrestling also a way for “straight guys” to get oiled up and roll around with each other?……maybe i should write the bear through a queer lens after i write the bear through a class lens

matae: basically “uncle” from the movie bloodsport with van damme. because of course it is

carmy’s lack of surprise is truly so funny

ope, richie is selling coke!

if i know one thing about baking (and i know very little) is you don’t want to rush that shit like marcus is doing. especially when you are working in a space with some jank electrics and equipment

the shows one and only “covid” mention. which is perfectly placed and isn’t in bad taste or poorly done. plus, it’s also pretty fair with a lot of places on the edge during the worst of covid lockdown; you gotta make money somehow

the earned, relational aspect of richie being peoples cousin. pete calls him cousin and richie says “i’m not your cousin”. yet, we learn that beyond just the berzattos call him cousin later on. it’s kinda beautiful.

the fast turnaround of nat calling carmy a “soft shitty bitch” who only calls when he needs something from her to her melting and giving him a big hug when she learns he’s going to Al-Anon All Family three times a week is maybe the purest form of showing they are family i’ve ever seen on a screen in such a short amount of time

the transition of the early scene with syd telling carmy they should close when the dining room is flooded and carmy saying missing one service could kill them, to tina saying they can’t open because there’s no electricity, the walk-in is broken, and there’s no gas in the ovens, so syd improvises an outside grill is just fantastic use of character development and showcasing syd’s skills

marcus sitting in a spot where next season another memorable moment will happen with marcus and another line cook is kinda funny. probably not overtly planned by the writers or directors, but kinda fitting

marcus saying heard as carmy tells him that the job is insane and it can go from chill to unchill in a second and so that’s why he’s gotta stay up on his work. but we know (who’ve seen it) that marcus did not actually “hear” what carmy said.

carmy saying that he started a fire the night he won food & wine’s best new chef, and then says “you have a moment where you think ‘if i don’t do anything this place will burn down and all my anxiety with it’” is more indication of carmy’s twisted love of his own misery

“one last drug deal” to get them out of their money hole would have been a bigger storyline in lesser hands. but the nuanced, B storyline it has, allows it to just be a reality that happens in the background of a lot of shops around the US to stay afloat

the amount of chefs i know who at one point went into catering instead of staying in a kitchen is kinda wild. it seems like an alternative of a food truck. the “i don’t have enough money to open a brick and mortar spot, but i want to do my own thing” path. and the right caterer can be fire

god, syd waking up in the middle of the night with an idea for a dish so she writes it down because she has to is so….just so….true. i have so many notebooks filled with shit that has absolutely no value outside of a shop.

but it is the origin of the cola braised short ribs that will go alongside our risotto! the origins of the cursed dish is growing!

i love this episode so much! and i love how this later half of the season spreads itself around the members of the kitchen more than just carmy. he’s the anchor and the focal point, but there’s so much depth to explore the rest of the crew of the beef. i’m excited for next episode and the rest of the season!

Season One: Episode One | Episode Two | Episode Three | Episode Four | Episode Six | Episode Seven | Episode Eight

Season Two:

[loveabledirtbag]

In the early 70s Sesame Street was created with an eye towards educating poor, inner-city children for free, and became a massive hit with all children. In 2016, faced with going off the air forever after facing conservative efforts to destroy public broadcasting since basically its beginning, new episodes became a timed exclusive for premium cable network HBO. In 2022 HBO Max, newly merged with and taken over by reality TV channel Discovery, removed Sesame Street episodes and spin-offs from streaming as a tax write-off and scheme to avoid paying residuals.

[loveabledirtbag]

[loveabledirtbag]

1.04 - Dogs

i think this episode is one of the best of the series, and one of the most important, so i’m VERY excited to crack in!

i’ve always seen this episode as sort of a mid-season finale. a lot of the ongoing storylines from the first episode are sort of wrapped up here; as in the slow trek of trying to get the team at the beef onboard with the new system. marcus was won over in the first episode, but ebra seemed to be chill with it in episode two yet he never got a real storyline or moment of acceptance (yet another point of how ebra is underutilized!), sweeps, angel, and manny all put on the apron but have even less screen time showing their transition into the new system, but the donning of the uniform blue apron is symbolic of their allegiance to the new. all that’s left by episode 4 is tina and richie. but it’s tina, who is undoubtedly the heart of the episode, that matters most.

the intro of the episode almost right off the bat tells us that this episode is going to be different. it’s calm, yes, but episode three started calm but with an air of existentialism and tension over carmy’s clear feelings of anxiety. but this opens with a fun little song by david byrn, donuts being made, and marcus watching in all. it’s all cute, and sweet and happy. something we really haven’t seen before. this episode is different.

following marcus staring at the donuts with childlike love, we fade to richie trying to put a tshirt on a blow up hotdog! this episode is so tonally different. even though carmy and richie literally get into a physical fight over the hot dog, it’s dripping with pure comedy. comedy without the edge or the groan, or the bite that the rest of the episodes have had. there’s no anxiety in this episode yet. we see a physical fight break out and we smile! not to mention mid-fight tina comes out of the beef to toss a bag of garbage, lazily sees them fighting and calmly says “morning.” just to show that this isn’t all that surprising to her! this is comedy gold. and all of it elevated by richie falling onto the hot dog, popping it, and undeterred he says he’s going to grab the other one from the basement! it’s a perfect scene. an absolutely perfect scene.

this episode is the reason the bear is not just really good, but as damn near perfection as any show i’ve ever seen. because it knows when to take the foot off the gas. we had three really tense, really intense, really hard and gritty episodes. sure, the next two after the pilot were less neck-break speed, nonstop intense, but they both had a lot of intense moments that were hard to watch. one more episode with it would have been too much. it would have been over the top, and shown that while the show can do intensity, that’s ALL it could do. episode four proves they can do heart, nostalgia, and character growth just as deftly. and it slows down enough to allow us to catch our breath. like a pallet cleanser, allowing us to move onto the next course without having our pallets blown out by the previous dishes

“you have no idea what kind of administrative correspondence i have to get done today…you might shit on my system, but i like to get back to my cohorts in a timely fashion.” “name me a cohort, name me one cohort.” “timothy, but i don’t have time for this” - i fucking love it. just so funny. genius writing. also mention of a system. richie’s/mikey’s system.

i remember the first time watching this episode, when marcus asks syd to try his chocolate cake, and syd says it’s great thinking to myself “huh. is there something between marcus and syd?”

“i answer to jeff. the system.” more system talk from tina. and this is interesting, because sue mentions “jeff”, who we all know is “chef” carmy. so she’s talking about carmy’s system, more or less. BUT carmy’s system is that syd is managing the kitchen, effectively tina’s boss, and so if syd says something tina is supposed to do it. but tina’s not doing it. so we know it’s not REALLY carmy’s system she’s following. she’s trying to stuff richie’s system into carmy’s system and it’s not working.

god, i remember absolutely hating tina because her ways of getting back and annoying carmy and syd cut through me for some reason. now i love her, but the last three episodes she made me so mad for some reason. like when she whistles as syd gets stuck doing onions, or when she faux looks shocked at syd and says “no!” as syd is trying to relate to tina about being a woman in the kitchen. the fact that the first time i watched this in the back of my mind i was like “someone needs to fucking knock tina down a peg, or like send her home for the day until she can fucking stop being such a dick”, and then in twenty minutes i ended saying “tina is amazing and i’m crying and i would do anything for her happiness.” that’s how good this show, and this episode is

“yo, why are you on the kennedy?” “chill the fuck out, cicero lives in naperville.” “you gotta get on the fuckin’ eden” i know everyone thinks LA has a monopoly on being obsessed about roads, but i truly believe it’s universal. i’ve seen some people shit on this scene as some sort of chicago glory-porn showcasing the writers and producers “really know chicago”, and that’s not it at all in my mind. dig into wilmette, or naperville and you’ll learn about just what demographic cicero is in. but also, carmy forgot where cicero lives, and richie did not. even though carmy is “real” family, and richie is not. the shows a deeper understanding of carmy’s distance from his own family, and richie’s deep connection to a family that is not his.

the fight between cicero and richie when seen through the lens of richie and cicero in the episode set five years previously is pretty interesting. a lot happens in five years.

“carmen, is that you? i thought you killed yourself?” “no, sir. that was my brother.” and then mr. szorski just wordlessly walking away, speaks VOLUMES. carmy was gone for a long time, and carmy didn’t have a big personality like mikey did. so to learn that the fun and boisterous mikey is dead and the withdrawn and odd carmy is alive, what more is there for an old chicagoan midwestern man to do? “eh, i’m done with this conversation” and just leaves.

richie having a bottle of xanax with his name on it means something. it’s an overlooked detail, but it means at least in some capacity richie has seen a medical professional and gotten a prescription. the bottle has his name on it. he suffers from anxiety and dread, like carmy, but he’s taking medication for it.

the chekhov’s gun of richie popping a pill out of the bottle over the jug of ectocooler juice, both in sharp focus as carmy watched a bit concerned is a nice touch

one of the greatest back in forth in tv history “where’s the box with ketchup in it?” “i didn’t bring ketchup” “why don’t you bring ketchup?” “what kind of asshole is gonna put ketchup on a hot dog?” “a child, richie.” “a child asshole.” “you’re a child asshole”. 🤌🤌🤌 it’s so FUNNY, but it’s also so CHICAGO.

that followed up by richie’s insult about carmy prepping a bunch of fruit, only to learn it’s ectocooler and saying it’s actually kind of dope, to a one-liner of “rest in peace, harold.” MY GOD, that’s a good line. it’s just all so funny, even while moving plot forward and helping us understand a bit about the history of these characters more. the writing of this show is just top tier.

“one bite of a donut brings much joy, two bites brings sadness.” wow, ebra. where did you hear that line? and why are you saying it to marcus as he’s trying to be inspired by donuts? marcus is going “this could probably be my life’s work” and ebra’s like “yeah, but two bites of a donut brings sadness.” i love it so much. here, too, we see the birth of the “marcus donut” storyline that will dominate much of the coming episodes.

CHESTER! god i love chester. another humorous introduction to help the levity of this episode. the fact that it’s established right away that chester is a fixture in the kitchen as he talks to tina and fist bumps ebra. that’s so fitting. a kitchen is a wild place and rando’s are far too often just popping in.

but also the amount of work chester puts into helping marcus. his job is so small; marcus just wants color swatches just to be inspired for donut colors and flavors. it’s a near impossibly small job, because the color of the donut is also hugely dominated by whatever flavor you’re gonna use for the donut, so the color comes after the chosen flavor. so, to be inspired by the different colors is a small, secondary part of the process. but chester stopped whatever job he had “designing all of it”, before a meeting, to give marcus his roommate a book of colors, but even more so, that marcus says he highlighted some specific colors for marcus because they were “dope as fuck!”. my god, chester’s a good friend!

i also remember the first time i watched this thinking “there seems to be something between marcus and chester…after there was something with marcus and sydney” and i was like “maybe marcus is gay? maybe marcus is bi? maybe marcus is pan? maybe marcus just had chemistry with everyone and that’s a future storyline? maybe the actor who plays marcus is just really charismatic and it comes off as romantic interest?” just the desire to know if marcus was going to have a subplot of romanxe with someone and if his chemistry and seeming romantic inklings with TWO characters in this episode was in my head, an intentional subplot forming, or just because the actor is so likeable as a person.

“donuts are deceptively hard, and the beef is not exactly the most stocked-“ “i want it to be perfect. like that plum carmy was telling us about.” OOOOOOH, just the subtlety of that exchange. syd isn’t saying no, because she has no reason to, but she’s hesitant. but marcus is already in such an obsessive mood that without talking to anyone he’s drawing and designing donuts, and having his roommate drop by pantone colors in a booklet. syd says “be careful” and he doesn’t hear but instead says “i have to make it perfect.” that’s an exchange that is going to be echoed, expanded on, and dived into a few times in the next few episodes with marcus, focused around his obsession with perfecting a donut

the quick sort of transitional scene that is easy to ignore in an episode as lyrically and emotionally packed, is this quick scene of syd going through the beef and checking in with everyone. it shows that in fairly quick order, carmy’s system as headed by syd is actually working. everyone is in the blue aprons, everyone is calm. it’s one of the first scenes of people working in the beef that we’ve ever seen where things seem to be going okay without people screaming (it should be noted that carmy and richie happen to be gone, and that might be part of it), but we run through syd talking to marcus and immediately check in with angel and manny, and then ebra passes through (sweeps is missing, but sometimes a show has to save money on how many reoccurring characters are in a scene), and syd is even comfortable being strict with fak who is trying to mooch without putting in any work. we’re seeing that syd is a competent manager, and the system is having a positive effect on everyone. sydney smiles as ebra tells her she’s having a positive effect on richie (again, just SLIGHT romantic vibes from ebra saying it, and syd’s smile. i’m not saying it IS romantic, but i’m not-not saying it either), and then we see tina in the background as syd smiles. tina is NOT in the blue apron. tina is also NOT doing the potato’s like she’s supposed to. they give each other a look of disgust and move on. the plot is so clear in a scene that is maybe 20 seconds.

if the short shot of richie looking like he’s disassociating from reality at a kids birthday party he has to throw because his best friend screwed the whole shop over, as a half-deflated cartoon smiling hot dog with a taped on “the beef” tshirt is standing over his shoulder that he insisted be brought and he tried so hard in vain to put a tshirt on as it symbolizes the overwhelming realization that his life has officially reached rock bottom and he has no one to blame by himself is not taught in film and cinematography classes i will be furious

the same song playing over marcus obsessing over donuts, richie disassociating, and carmy searching for ketchup and then being swarmed by family and family friends (but family friends who explicitly aren’t at the berzatto christmas five years ago, it should be noted) means something. “help me rhonda”. richie needs help, marcus needs help (which he gets from fak feeling out donuts, but more importantly he’ll learn he needs help from carmy and sydney about balancing his donuts and his day to day duties), and carmy needs help escaping his family. which he doesn’t get from cicero who sees the swarm, stops in his tracks and immediately walks back into the other room. but it turns out cicero also needs help, and can’t escape, because his son is complaining about his party being ruined and cicero calls out for his wife because he’s stuck at the party. it all flows together, with mixes of heartbreak and comedy, but never outbalanced with the beach boys calling out for help, while their music sounds so fine.

the quick cuts of carmy being overwhelmed by family, as he continually just asks “ketchup?” “ketchup?” is so good. he just wants to get through the day, so his job. not have to deal with family shit. both for good and for his own unhealthy working habits. but no one is even paying attention to him as they overwhelm him with questions

“so you work in a restaurant, right?” “yes” “what’s it like to be a fucking loser, huh!?” is….the clunky, weird, biting kind of joke that can kind of clash with the slick writing of the bear that we’re used to. it’s just kinda of a “what the fuck does that even mean…?” kind of line that might sound like the writers just kind of phoned it in to get the point across that carmy’s family doesn’t get what he did and what he’s trying to do. BUT it’s actually one of the most realistic lines of the series, because we all have that family member like uncle frank who says something to us under the guise of a joke and it’s so clunky, and overwhelmingly mean that we have to be like “…what the fuck? why would you even say that?” like the kind of joke that DOESN’T come for a writer because it’s so jarring and clunky and off. so the fact that it did come from a writer is even better

but it also just so poignantly highlights the schools of thought on cooking, especially with older and newer generations. chefs before the 80’s were often exclusively thought of as working class poor. you could be at the best restaurant and the greatest chef in the world, but you were lumped in with the help more often and you were paid beans for your work. we now have celebrity chefs and endless magazines, tv shows, and (now) a lot of fictional content about what a kitchen actually looks like. we have schools that are seen as prestigious and chefs we treat as rock stars. but that doesn’t mean that 99% of chefs and cooks aren’t still working class poor in italian beef sandwich shops, or bbq joints, or diners across the us. if carmy was a rock star, most chefs are people playing an out of tune guitar on youtube and gaining 50 views. so his family doesn’t get it.

which is made even better, and even more poignant with pete’s cut in. once again, almost everything pete does and says is right and good, and yet it comes across as terrible and we hate him for it. pete comes in talking about food & wine magazine, and eater. prestigious places who recognized carmy. carmy knows, much like how he knew when he was serving his sandwich to the staff in episode one, that he’s talented and people idolize him for it, and that what he does is leagues ahead of anything the people he’s talking to could even comprehend, but that doesn’t make him better. he cringes at pete both because of the trauma of his cooking accolades, but also because he knows pete isn’t helping his conversation with his family, but is actively making it worse.

have you noticed the age range of these kids at this party? cicero’s son, the birthday boy, seems like he’s maybe 12-14 (obviously kids, AND the actors who play them, differ in ages and how old they look WILDLY) but there looks like there’s a kid who could be driving, and there looks like there are toddlers. but cicero’s son looks like the age where having that many diversely aged kids would be a drag. like, early childhood, the kids party is more for the parents and so the parents bring all their kids and it’s more like a family get together, with older and younger kids. but once you reach an age where you are more aware of your birthday, and you have a desire for your party, they usually get smaller and more intentional; just a party with your friends, or a larger scale party with kids in your grade at school. so it’s interesting that this kid is having the full blown family get together birthday party. maybe it’s one of many, maybe his actual friends will stay later and they’ll have the friends only kind of party. who knows? but it’s interesting.

i love that even in the midst of cicero and richie’s long-standing feud, they come together to trash talk pete “what a narc”. if that’s not family, what is?

tina looking so overwhelmed while she’s just mad-dashing trying to get this recipe down, only to have syd be like “hey…maybe do it right?” is so good. tina is forcing her system forward and it’s just not working.

i really don’t want to be mean, especially with how beautifully shot marcuses cake making scene is. but his cake looks a little mid? is it just me? like; the scenes are beautifully shot, and it’s calm, and marcus looks so serene. but than his cake looks a little dry. and the frosting looks kinda tough, and also dry. like no moisture, and not smooth. that can’t be a mistake on the shows part, right? like they’re professional chefs and bakers? they gotta know what a good cake looks like. especially with the cake we see later on in the series which looks perfect. i have to believe they’re showing that marcus is still learning.

cicero telling a story that we’re only hearing halfway through, as richie and carmy are openly weeping with tears is such a nice touch. this is family. carmy can distance himself and try to keep himself numb, but family is family. and the fact that the joy is immediately sucked out of the scene the moment pete walks in, is so spot on. the actor who plays pete is really subtly genius. because he sells you on how good of a person he is, while making us groan with every word he says.

even as he tries to build carmy up. talking about how proud of carmy he is. it’s so sweet, and it’s so nice, and yet there’s still that edge of “you’re embarrassing yourself, pete.” emboldened by the fact that pete thinks the blowup hotdog with a taped on tshirt is hilarious

i would love to know HOW richie dropped his whole bottle of xanax into the pitcher of ectocooler. the top had to be open only for a second while carmy was refilling it, right? and yet somehow richie dropped the whole thing in without noticing, and every kid in the place (and pete) drank from it, and no one noticed? but still, the impracticality of the joke doesn’t discredit how funny it is. it just works. with cicero’s “hmm…..i kinda dig it” upon being told what happened. this episode is just pure gold!

tina marching her ruined dish to the sinks, angrily yelling “behind” and tossing the pot in, eliciting a “hey! come on!” from angel as she gets in their way is really poignant, because her system is now actively out of sync with the beef’s. she interrupts manny and angel, she can’t get this dish down. tina, who is the heart of this shop, is pissing people off, and not in the flow. which is even more prominent in that she comes back from dumping her dish to see that syd immediately had replaced the pot with her own. syd could do what tina is doing, and subtly saying “i’m asking you to do this, but if you can’t i can just do it. i don’t need you. i want you here.” isn’t lost on me. yes, it’s communicated by sydney saying she doesn’t have time to fuck around, but it’s tough love and an encouragement to push forward and do better. sydney can’t fuck around, so tina either needs to shape up, or ship out. but syd is also inviting tina to stay. “i did this for you, try again.” and after tina makes the dish right, she says “damn”, because syd’s dish is good. syd was right, and made something tina couldn’t make on her own. and she realizes it.

“you ever miss him?” “i didn’t really know him well enough to miss him.” “you?” “sometimes. we were so close in age we were more like friends than family”. which is interesting. there are some signs that the dad may be dead, but there’s more hints (in my opinion) that there was a hard break at some point, and no one has seen him in years. but, it’s also odd because we’re not sure how cicero is family to carmy’s dad. he’s called uncle jimmy, and he implies to be family with carmy’s dad, which by traditional family ties would make cicero brothers with carmy’s dad. except his name is cicero, and carmy’s last name is berzatto. so, they have to be family in some other way. but cicero is (hopefully) not related to carmy’s mom, because in the flashback episode he is a little weirdly flirtatious with her in a toxic way that you could be with your brothers or family members wife (or ex wife), but you definitely shouldn’t be with a blood relative. so cicero could be a half brother, and that explains the different name. it would also explain why they were so close in age that they had the same life experiences at the same time, as they grew up together. or cicero could be an “uncle” like richie is a “cousin”, or cicero could be a distant relative who is close enough to the family rhat it’s just easier to say “uncle” because “dads cousin” or “great uncle” or whatever true relationship they have isn’t as easy as just saying “uncle jimmy”

when was the last time you talked to him?” “like 20 years ago.” to me implies the dad is still alive. there’s just no talk of the funeral, or proof that he was alive and is now dead. the past tense is only about the dad being alive 20 years ago. so, nothing conclusive.

i love the connection that carmy’s dad fell into being a restauranteur. that with donna being a painstaking cook in the kitchen making extravagant dishes for family shows why mikey took ownership of the beef, and why carmy went to be a classically trained chef. the love of food runs in them deep

the nice little detail of saying “really stuck your mom with that place. don’t you hate being in there 24 hours a day?” in episode two we had gotten a hint of cicero being familiar with the beef, and maybe hinting at a deeper knowledge than it just being his nephews sandwich shop. and here we learn that the beef was carmy and mikey’s fathers place. he stuck their mom with it, and mikey took it over.

another reference to carmy having a twisted love of his own pain: “i’m in there for five minutes and i start thinking about bad shit” “that’s probably why i like it so much”.

i love the dream cicero talks about in this scene. because it adds to the dreamscape atmosphere this season embraces. but i have to believe the baby in the dream is carmy, right? cicero and carmy’s dad are flying down the road (of life), and can’t get control of the car, carmy’s dad refuses to put on a seatbelt, and suddenly there’s a kid in the road and cicero jams on the breaks and doesn’t hit the kid, but carmy’s dad goes flying through the windshield but never lands. i definitely think it’s symbolic of cicero’s feelings towards carmy’s dad: he’s falling perpetually, always about to crash, but never actually did. he never really flew, but his hair raising, harm inducing free fall never actually crashed. carmy’s dad was always able to pull off having to deal with the consequences of life, things never came crashing down, he never hit the pavement. but he was clearly never rich, or could take it easy. it feels like a hustler who is always a step from getting his legs broken, but is managing to make a living. we know that cicero and carmy’s dad grew up together, which means probably poorer, and working class. and now cicero is rich, even if there’s some sketchy underside to his livelihood. so cicero stopped the car, his seatbelt was on, he “made it”. but carmy’s dad didn’t make it, he just hasn’t hit the ground yet by some miracle. but what caused the car to crash? a kid in the road. and we know that carmy was young enough when his dad left or died to not even really know him, or miss him. carmy is probably what caused his dad to leave, or at least feels like he is. but the fact that carmy’s dad hasn’t hit the ground yet tells me he’s probably still alive

that split second moment of tina making the potato’s, and taste testing them and in her mind we see her think. somethings not right. and then she throws a pinch of seasoning in there and smiles liking that taste more. it’s so good. because no matter what system tina is in, we see from that little dash of her own seasoning, that she’s a chef no matter what. she knows when something tastes off, or needs a little something to add more flavor.

and then when tina throws the pot down at syd and says “get it over. tell me it’s shitty”, we know she’s saying “tell me i’m shitty”. we realize that tina has been so defensive and angry because she sees all of this as a threat. a threat to her home, her identity, her livelihood. tina thinks she’s a shitty line cook at a shitty italian beef joint. and carmy and sydney are going to raise the standards so high that she gets squeezed out of her job. tina has self respect issues, and doubts her worth. but then syd tries the potatoes that tina made entirely herself and says “that’s great, thank you chef.” and suddenly the word “chef” isn’t attached to a critique, it’s not a sign of other people’s skill in comparison to her skill. she did good, BECAUSE she is a chef. and when tina turns around and says “thank you, chef” with tears in her eyes. UGH, i fucking melted. that’s when i decided i would die, or kill, for tina. i love tina. i love this show!!!!!!!

the final cut to the cake; with marcus zesting an orange over in honor of the donut he saw earlier that day, looks a lot nicer all done up. but my mind still goes to…is the cake still the dryish looking one we saw earlier? and the frosting looks kind of hard. idk. i’m sure it tastes better than anything i’ve made, but it looks just kinda…dry? and maybe old? like it had been sitting around for a while before they filmed?

“it’s amazing, he’s just sleeping there like a baby and i want to beat the ever living crap out of him.” ugh. it’s so good. i love how easy it is to hate on pete. and how odd it is that it’s so fitting with family. pete just is that member of the family that married in and doesn’t fit.

“we all get cake because we’re best friends” oh fak. never change. you sweet, kind, stupid, baby angel.

the point heard around the world between carmy and marcus. i love it and how it comes up multiple times

that sigh from tina as the episode ends. just that sigh of “i’m exhausted, but i did it.” tina grew, tina changed, tina belongs, tina can just…exhale for the first time in a long time. she’s not gonna be left behind, she has value, she belongs. it’s so beautiful

AND THATS EPISODE FOUR, the unofficial mid season finale. i episode five we move to a new seasonal arc and a whole lot of good content!

Season One: Episode One | Episode Two | Episode Three | Episode Five | Episode Six | Episode Seven | Episode Eight

Season Two

[loveabledirtbag]

“Because when a writer gives you a gift as precious as their work, they give you their trust, their control, their heart put to paper.”

Lancali, I Fell In Love With Hope

[loveabledirtbag]

1.03 - brigade

what a chill opening. we learn carmy owns a coat, AND a hat? not just a white shirt and black pants. that’s what we call character growth, gang.

it’s amazing how in episode one we see the back of mikey’s head, in episode three we hear him say “let it rip, buddy”, and when he is finally revealed later on in the season i had NO idea it was gonna be who it was (more on that later). and now every rewatch when i hear him talk, or we see the back of his head i go “how could i not realize who the actor was playing mikey before it was revealed?”

i had NO idea that was molly ringwald at al-anon for the longest time. but i saw her name in the credits and had to think hard about who it could be! it was honestly like, “well….the only character who even remotely looks kinda like her would be the woman who spoke at the al-anon meeting, but there’s no way….right???” and then i googled it. yeah. that’s molly ringwald! this show does cameos so well. joel mchale last episode, now molly ringwald. so good.

i think it’s really good writing that when carmy attends al-anon for the first time, molly ringwald (i’m sure her character has a name, but i don’t know what it is) talks about “keeping my side of the street clean”, and that inspires carmy to implement it in his own “life”, his life being the shop. however, he doesn’t have the skills, the practice, the knowledge or anything to know how to implement “keeping you side of the street clean”. so he does the best he can with what he has: kitchen systems. which to him means implementing a french brigade. i also love that in the long run doing that DOES actually help the shop, but at the end of this episode we’re kinda shown that it’s a totally shitshow flop.

“remove myself from any situation that is, or could become, toxic”…well, someone’s never worked in the service industry. and i think that’s probably the point? because to me that’s the bigger point being made in her speech, but carmy’s whole life right now is the restaurant, and the restaurant is a toxic situation, and carmy can’t remove himself from his whole life. so he chooses to focus on keeping his side of the street clean instead.

the hard cut to “remove myself from anything toxic” to what is, arguably, the most tense scene of the whole show until episode seven, is very well done. and so poignant. we go from “remove yourself from anything toxic” to jumping RIGHT INTO an extremely toxic situation: richie and sydney screaming at each other, a line out the door, people not doing their job right, the whole works.

also, i don’t want to anger any sydney stans. but i think it’s strange how many people i’ve seen saying that sydney is always perfect, and carmy is always an angry monster. because here is sydney just absolutely making the situation worse by meeting richie at his asshole level. he’s yelling at her, and she’s yelling right back. she’s actively NOT helping. in fact, carmy is the one trying to mediate, and trying to calm everyone down. i’m not trying to shit on sydney! i love sydney. but i’m pointing out that this show is very good at making everyone human. everyone is nuanced. everyone is at fault at one time or another and no one is perfect. im also not defending carmy for every instance. he makes mistakes. REPEATEDLY. but he doesn’t only make mistakes. here is a scene where carmy is trying to do it right, and sydney is at fault. obviously i haven’t even mentioned richie, but that’s because of course richie is at fault. it’s richie. the louder richie is is equal to how wrong he is in any given moment.

the man with the sysco hats orders 2 dogs with everything on them, and richie says “$5.25”…i mean, i know a dog isn’t the most expensive thing in the world, but damn. it’s not exactly a mystery why they were having money problems…i looked up a chicago style hot dog place near me and one dog is $6.25

oh damn, carmy at home, and he’s wearing a black t-shirt! so much character growth! we’re learning carmy owns other clothes!

i think it’s strange in the scene where we see carmy not able to sleep, and so he goes into the restaurant early. because manny, angel, and marcus are already there, but marcus asks “what are you doing here so early?”. that’s not necessarily the most weird thing in the world, bakers are usually the first in at a place, because dough and baking in general takes a lot of time. manny and angel could also be there early to wash dishes. typically dish washers work the hardest in a kitchen. but it is strange because this early into the shift how many dishes are there for them to do? if it’s only marcus getting his prep ready, i don’t think the shop needs to be paying for two dishwashers to wash the few dishes marcus would be making. keep in mind that the beef also only has two dishwashers when they are going through a wild and hectic dinner rush. i find it more believable that they’d need two dishwashers for a dinner rush (professional dishwashers are some of the most skilled dish cleaners you’ll ever meet. they’ll clean shit so fucking fast it’ll blow your mind) more than i believe they need two dishwashers right away in the morning when it’s just marcus prepping dough for sandwich bread. but that’s not even the weird part! marcus wonders why carmy is there early, but then sydney just happens to also be there. she’s just getting in, but she’s at the shop too and no one thinks its weird she’s there so early. and then just a few minutes later ebra is also there. if so many cooks are at the beef right away in the morning, why is it weird that carmy is there? we already know carmy is obsessed with the place and spends all his time there. and he’s also the one who is supposed to be directing everyone in their cooking, as well as helping with prep and cooking himself. so why is it strange that he’s there so early? i assume it is just the writers trying to let us the audience know that he couldn’t sleep?

i do love the sort of inspirational talk carmy and marcus have. where carmy is trying not to be triggered by thoughts of his past restaurant while looking at all the dishes he used to make, as he tells marcus stories, and as marcus is being inspired by them.

not that i’m the most knowledgeable person on cooking and kitchens, my time has been pretty limited, but TWELVE PEOPLE??? i’ve never heard of a dish that takes twelve people to make. by my best estimates with carmy explaining how to make the dish he only mentions maybe 6 people: the two chefs cooking down the plum wine. the person(s) cooking the plum consommé. which carmy says takes hours, so let’s just say it takes two shifts which means two chefs. the chef making the compressed plums. and then maybe a different chef who takes the consommé and makes it into the gelée. idk how you take six chefs and make that into twelve, but DAMN

carmy talks about these compressed plums cut into perfect squares, but there’s no square plums in the picture. which is so confusing to me. i’ve thought about this forever. i hate how much time this has taken up in my life. the plums are circular in the picture, but carmy says squares. why didn’t they write it differently? they had to have had the reference photo for the dish, right?

i like to think that the chef who cracked the plum gelée was luca from copenhagen. but as carmy tells the story we’re only getting flashbacks to his shop in new york, and we don’t have any evidence that luca worked with carmy in new york.

i’m glad that the show addressed being a woman in the kitchen. i know that being a woman in the service industry is getting better, BUT there’s still so much work and progress that needs to be made. obviously. and so we have two women in the beefs kitchen and one has learned how to be as tough as nails (tina) and the other has proved herself with talent, and is insistent that she doesn’t need any help with anything (syd).

it’s also poignant, because sydney is tiny and marcus is a giant with a golden retriever soul, and he just wants to help without even thinking of the fact that sydney is a woman. that’s obviously not an excuse, but i really believe marcus is just puppy-dogging his way forward and is just like “can i help? that thing is three feet above your head, but it’s at my eye line so i can grab it!” and sydney struggling with all her might is like “nah! i got it!” even though she clearly doesn’t got it.

the continuation of the tomato mystery!!! mikey was buying tiny little cans? even though the bigger cans are cheaper per ounce? whatta mysteryyyyyyyyyy????? (more on that later)

the short back and forth between carmy and ebra *chefs kiss*! again, ebra is criminally underused! even more so in season two (more on THAT later). but “english carmen!” “the more i understand about michael, the less i understand. rest in peace, young man” “who cares? we don’t use tomatoes anyway”. there’s nothing abundantly funny in the lines, but ebra’s delivery is just PERFECT

the conversation between carmy and sydney, specifically the conversation continually being interrupted, is just spot on. i don’t think i had a single meeting or important conversation with someone when i worked service industry that wasn’t continually interrupted by a million things. seriously, gang….management in service industry is just a fucking lot.

i think carmy’s idea makes a lot of sense, and also has some context to it. even in episode one carmy says he wants to start defining roles in the shop. i get sydney’s hesitancy because of her history in restaurants, and carmy does a bad job explaining his reasoning behind it. but if you’re dealing with a chaotic shit show, isn’t part of the answer introducing some order?

THAT BEING SAID: the moment sydney agrees to running the kitchen in this new system and carmy says let’s go is SO SHITTY. it might be one of the worst things carmy does in the whole show. reordering an entire restaurants workflow, when some of the staff have been there for DECADES, and putting the responsibility on the newest hire, and then telling her the moment she agrees that it’s gonna happen that instant and she’s going to be running the meeting where is being announced...it’s stupidity to the utmost extreme. i know carmy isn’t trying to be shitty, but FUCK dude. that is SHITTY.

“yo, carm the phone ringing” ….no shit marcus. it’s been ringing all morning, in carmy’s office. where carmy just came from. again, it’s probably a writers technique to show us that the phone ringing is something that we should have on our mind, because this shows sound design is very intentional, and it’s possible we could subconsciously think that the phone ringing is only meant to add to the chaotic sounds of the shop. but when thought of practically…carmy can probably hear the phone marcus.

once again, carmy talking about harnessing their gifts, organizing the special thing the whole team has. in my opinion he is coming from a place of respect, and love for these people (many of whom he has known for years) and wants to give them a chance that life has denied them because he knows they can rise to the occasion if given the chance. but i can also see where people could argue carmy is white-savioring, or “my fair lady”-ing, or some other toxic thing. but i do think carmy is going about this with the right intentions, and not as “i’m better than these peasants, they need my help”

what a weak pun by richie. escoffier/scoffi-gay. weak. i mean, yea, also homophobic and offensive. but what a crime to name puns. come on richie.

i wonder if it means anything that as richie makes the joke, the camera is on angel and he looks sort of annoyed and displeased at richie. we’re two seasons in without knowing much about angel, it could just be a camera cut to make the scene more interesting and dynamic, but for some reason angel is looking at richie and he doesn’t look happy

“i was in a brigade once” “what happened?” “many people died” GOD, EBRA! so funny! but also, fuck, that’s tragic dude! but then carmy’s “…o-okay, this is gonna be different”. is delivered so well. just the air of “i didn’t think i’d have to be telling people that a french cooking brigade would be different than a somalian army brigade…”

“like hierarchy!” “more like a regular chill-archy…” syd is so awkward, and this is one of those scenes where you close your eyes and groan because you wish she was anything but awkward. the writing, the acting. god, so good!

“i’m the sous, right? which means i just follow orders even if it leads to tension, and chaos and resentment and ultimately doesn’t work. but yeah, that’s what i do.” is SO GOOD. if any good person has ever been in a management position before, they KNOW that’s the eternal power struggle between owners and staff. and is also why i think the service industry desperately needs to unionize. because far, far, far too often managers have to voice something from ownership that fucks over the staff because part of their job is just to do as they are told, much like how staffs job is to follow orders from management. and it sucks! and if a good person is not careful, they follow orders and ignore their conscious and walk right off a cliff and suddenly they’re in a viral video talking to camera’s about how their staff deserve to work minimum wage without being allowed bathroom breaks for 12 hour shifts and how child labor laws are ruining this country, all because they’re just doing what the owners are saying and they forget that they’re in charge of actual human beings.

“chef de partie?” “yes” “…i accept!” GOD EBRA!!! i would die for ebra.

i love with the camerawork that from richies face we know something isn’t quite on the level with niko. we don’t know what (yet) but his face says “damnit niko, why are you calling? don’t mess this up for me and get me in trouble.” that’s added to by the subtle “i’ll hit him” from richie. he means “i’ll hit him back” as in “i’ll get back in touch with him and talk” but by cutting out the “back” it sounds a little more threatening: “i’ll hit him”, “i’ll punch him, because he’s gonna get me in trouble.”

also, it’s so beautiful and sad that carmy can’t see richie’s face. because he says that it felt like mikey was alive for a second. and richie looks like “i know exactly what you mean” but richie also looks like he’s saying “i can’t deal with that right now; because i’m barely holding on myself, so i can’t carry you too.” so richie says “no thanks” and carmy is just left to believe richie doesn’t care about him. just more assholery from richie. but we the audience know, oh, richie is broken.

i think the show does a decent job of showing anxiety and panic this season. BUT i think they go above and beyond in season two. the ringing and grabbing his heart is good, but season two really helps channel the anxiety

peep the crisp white sneakers on carmy’s feet as he walks into the church for al-anon. i know jeremy allen white is a sneaker boy, and i wonder if those shoes are just jeremy’s, or if they also wanted to give carmy some sick sneaks to go along with his denim love

quick peep at syd’s japanese knife. much like carmy’s japenese knives. i don’t know if anyone reading this knows about different countries knife philosophies and how their knives are designed to suit that philosophy (maybe philosophy is too strong a word…), but it’s interesting that carmy and sydney share a similar knife

ah, hiding in the walk-in because you need a moment to yourself to stop yourself from crying. i miss it and also don’t miss it. you know? maybe that’s ptsd? the scene is all the better because syd goes into the walk-in talking to the team with the most empty cadence a person can have. she’s saying what she’s supposed to be saying but she doesn’t believe a word of it herself. which also means the team doesn’t believe a word she says

ok. there’s very few good things to say about tina up to this point, which is probably why i haven’t talked about her much. but the fact that she clearly has so much beef with syd, but still she goes into shop-mom mode the moment sydney gets a cut. i just love it. every shop has a shop-mom and every shop needs a shop mom. tina is one of my favorite characters, of all time, and her journey is so well done this season.

and of course sydney doesn’t help anything by getting defensive and once again trying to prove how good and tough she is, instead of just accepting the care and help she needs.

and….of coooourse tina goes from trying to help sydney to then immediately turning the heat up on her stock and sabotaging her. because tina might be the shop mom, but sydney is annoying her, and trying to change everything, and so shop mom goes mama bear on her and fucks with her.

sloppiest “assumed” drug deal ever between richie and niko. like they’re looking around and trying not to get caught and somehow they miss that carmy is RIGHT THERE

here again with syd’s burnt stock, carmy is a little bit of an asshole. obviously we think he’s being more of an asshole than he is, because we know sydney is having a hard time being the sous in the shop with everyone against her, but carmy doesn’t. to carmy, he put the only highly skilled chef in charge while he left, and he gets back and no one is doing what they should AND sydney is (seemingly) making rookie mistakes which she should know better than to make. so he does get a little angry at her, and even from his prospective he could have been less intense, BUT from his view it’s like “how did you mess this up? this is cooking 101”.

again too, when sydney’s trying to explain that tina should be on onions, but tina’s on lemons and carmy just wants her to say “yes, chef” and do the onions…i have mixed feelings on. because, once again, we the audience know that carmy is being an asshole and not helping sydney’s already shitty day. but carmy doesn’t know about sydney’s shitty day (which is also his fault), and to his credit sydney trying to explain that she has tried to get tina to what she’s been told and tina isn’t listening sounds a lot more like whining than explaining. there are times and places, and right after being scolded for burning your stock is not the time to try and explain that the real problem is actually not you, but tina. is carmy ultimately way in the wrong? yeah! but he’s asking syd to say “yes” and in the moment she should have just said “yes”. your bosses makes mistakes, and when they’re telling you something, it’s not the best time to show that they’re wrong and you’re right. sometimes you just gotta say yes, and hate them in your head. and if they’re a good boss (like carmy is) you then go and talk to them when things are calmer. they have that moment later in the episode when things are calmer.

i’m not trying to say that people just have to put up with angry shit from their bosses…but in a moment of stress, ESPECIALLY when you’re in the service industry, sometimes you just gotta nod your head, take whatever they say, and curse them in your head. because in a heated and hectic moment in a shop, you’re not gonna convince them of the nuanced issues going on. that has to come later when things calm down and they have a clear head.

knowing that the hands that are prepping the food are actually syd’s and carmy’s hands (i know the actors have names, i’m sticking with syd and carmy) never ceases to amaze me. especially in the scene where syd preps the onions, because you can really tell she got skilled at it. with carmy they cut back and forth and so they can make us think he’s moving faster than he is, but they had a long shot of sydney just cutting, and she was zooming through. (the gif below is carmy because i was struggling to find a gif of syd cutting)

i always wanna know why the suqaar isn’t good? like, it’s so bad that sydney is near revolted. because ebra says it with such pride and confidence, carmy seems excited by it. but then when sydney tries it she’s so disgusted. was it actually that bad? or was sydney just in such a bad place that nothing could taste good?

those lowboys are SO gross. i have nothing else to say, really. just real bad.

it’s rather unprofessional that when “someone” took sydney’s onions she bursts out of the kitchen to the front of house, WHILE richie is hanging out and talking to a customer, to yell at him asking where her onions are. richie is working. obviously hanging out with customers might not seem much like working, but that’s front of house (FOH) shit right there. and to yell in front of a customer (which she and richie have been doing a lot in this episode) is just unprofessional from someone trained in the way of fine dining.

the small detail of syd having her overwhelmingly bad day, and when she goes into carmy’s office he’s just sitting there, and then the first thing he says is “we should be outsourcing bread”, which was 1) in her 30 page packet last episode, and 2) talked about just a few hours ago in the team meeting carmy skipped out on. it would be beyond frustrating. and we know that carmy is actually working, like, the guy stays late to hand scrub the floor, so he’s really working. but it just looks like he’s chilling while syd is running around, and that doesn’t help her boiling rage and panic.

the most painful thing is the world is sydney yelling at marcus about him offering to help her with something again, to the point that her hand is shaking and her eyes are bulging…and then he leaves and she dumps it all over herself. i’ve never been a woman in a male dominated workspace, but i have been someone who really wants to prove themself, and to then have it blow up in my face, especially if it LITERALLY blows up in my face like it does to syd, and the added shame of knowing you wasted a bunch of money (veal fat isn’t free), is stay-awake-at-night-reliving-that-moment kind of painful.

but, it’s also so sweet, and so relatable of marcus to come in after hearing the spill, to sydney standing there covered in her own mistake, and to wordlessly leave and come back with towels and help her. everyone in the world needs a marcus.

that first inkling of seeing HUGE payments to KBL electric! my brain was just like “oh shit, mikey was laundering HARD”

i love the scene where marcus tells syd that family dinner is ready, when syd walks out of frame we stay for just a moment on tina. tina cleaning her station. because to me i think it’s easy to assume, well, she obviously has to clean her station at some point while working, so it’s now. but after having a few back and forth moments with syd in the episode, where syd specifically asked her to clean up, i think it means something that tina is finally cleaning up. and knowing the arc she goes through in the next episode, i think this is like a seed being planted showing us that even tina is slowly being changed by the new system that carmy and syd are implementing in the beef.

i know that this is like the tiniest detail, that has also been talked about SO MUCH by people in the restaurant industry. but carmy drinking out of a plastic container hits to good every time i see it. i’m 29, i haven’t worked in food-food in like 8 years, and i still love using those containers as water glasses. THEY HOLD SO MUCH, plus you get them for free if you order pho from my favorite restaurant (and most restaurants where you’re ordering soup to go) so it’s like an added treat with my pho.

i do think it’s important that carmy can tell something is wrong with syd. only because he’s been so single minded for three whole episodes. missing cues from the people around him about the pain they’re in. i know there’s a lot of discourse on here about if the relationship between syd and carm is moving towards romantic, or showing the depths of a truly deep and trusting friendship/business partnership, either way i don’t care if the writing and performances are good. but it’s important to note that this is the first time carmy has looked outside of himself/the restaurant at someone else and noticed them for real. he went to find syd, and upon seeing her body language asked her what was wrong. obviously, most of what was wrong is because of him, but he still tried to make it better and showed that he’s the kind of boss who actually cares and is trying to create the best working environment for his staff as possible. he’s just human and struggles at doing it.

i’ve read a few people say it’s shitty that carmy admits to being harder on sydney than everyone else in the shop, but i really don’t think so. no one else has gone to school for cooking. no one else but syd can comprehend most of what carmy says or even understand his vision for the place. syd has been at the beef for a few days/weeks/maybe a month or so? and she’s now the number two over people who have been there for decades. so i don’t think it’s outrageous that carmy holds sydney to a higher standard. or is more upset when she sinks to richie’s level to yell at him, or when she isn’t able to properly make a stock. once again, i’m not trying to excuse carmy’s bad behavior, but my first day in a kitchen i was treated with baby gloves, but when i was a supervisor, and in charge of training people in, i would never hear the end if i messed up something simple. because i knew better, and carmy knows that sydney knows better.

i think it’s worth noting that sydney says “i think this place could be so different than the other places we’ve been at.” she says “we’ve been at”. not “i’ve been at.” she’s assuming, and assuming correctly, that carmy has also been in some terrible kitchens. and she’s assuming, and assuming correctly, that carmy is also really tired of it

i think it’s probably only really tv magic that we’re in episode three and sydney feels comfortable to tell carmy that she wants to partner with him in making the beef better, but that he also has to listen to her ideas. that’s a lot of trust in the emotional maturity and headspace of a boss that you haven’t really had any previous emotional connection with. like we haven’t really seen her and carmy connect or have a mutual understanding of the other. we haven’t seen him give syd a reason to think that he wants her to partner with him in improving the beef, or that he’s all that interested in listening to her ideas. HOWEVER this scene works because we know carmy so well already, and we know syd really well, and their chemistry sells it. so she basically says she wants to talk freely with her boss and be heard and listened to and instead of him shutting her down like 90% of bosses would do, he says “you’re absolutely right, and i agree.”

and for her leap of faith, we see carmy open up to her! carmy opened up! he’s trying to work through his gunk! it’s so good!

FUCK BRUNCH

ok. i love brunch. but i hated working brunch. it’s the worst shift in the world.

the scene where carmy comes out of the beef on a break, cigarette hanging from his lip, his hair a particular kind of wild, to listen to sugar’s voicemail…that is the vibe and look i have wanted to replicate from the moment i saw him, and i have no idea how to show the person who cuts my hair because the look is just “sweat and grease” and that’s a hard ask in a salon chair.

i like the flow of learning its michael’s birthday, with us returning to the beach with carmy. because it makes the fact that carmy heard mikey say “let it rip, dude” more powerful. carmy is thinking of mikey on his birthday, carmy’s been thinking of mikey all day, and it’s been nagging at him and weighing on him and everything he has said and done has been because today hurts worse than most other days have.

the question then becomes: timeline-wise, is carmy at the beach the same scene that started the show? we know that only a day has passed, did carmy wake up and go to the beach, and then after work go to the beach again? i’m sure someone with more attention to detail could tell me if the sun is in the same position in both scenes, or if the sun is on the opposite side of the sky in one from the other. but it mirrors the opening so much that it kinda feels like we opened on either the beginning of the day, or the end of the day, and now we’re closing on that same visit to the beach, to remind us of that trip and to put the day into a greater context with mikey’s birthday. if i had to bet, i would bet that both scenes happen at sunrise, because we have a shot of the shop while the dinner rush is happening and it’s dark outside. like past sunset dark. we know they close late, like 10/11pm late. which is far after sunset. so if carmy is walking outside while there is a sliver of light, it’s probably sunrise.

UFFDA, i love this episode. i feel like it slowed way down (except for that one scene during a lunch rush), and amped up both the emotional ante, and the comedy. the next episode to me is like a mid-season finale, because it wraps up some major themes and storylines and opens up some new ones, but we’ll talk more about that in episode four!

Season One: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 |

[loveabledirtbag]

Carmy going to Claire’s table mid dinner rush…

Been thinking about how odd it was Carmy didn’t flinch when Richie insisted he go say hi to Claire during ‘friends and family dinner’ but as soon as Sydney says ‘that’s Claire’ in the sarcastic way that she does he immediately switches. Carmy is hyperaware of any tonal or attitude shifts with Sydney which we can thank Ms. Donna ‘ticking time bomb’ Berzatto for.

Ultimately in Carmy’s mind Sydney & Claire share the ‘girlfriend’ position, based off of unreliable ass Fak’s description lol. He may be WITH Claire currently but he’s performing the boyfriend dance for Sydney. It’s as though an alert went off in his head *I’m being shitty, don’t be*, in Carmy’s very obtuse way he’s showing Sydney that if she were to be his girlfriend he would put her first and not be shitty.

It goes back to their conversation in s02.08 about being shitty, Carmy says ‘I don’t wanna be shitty’ and Sydney responses ‘ok so don’t be’ very nonchalantly. Before that he says ‘wherever I’m fucking up just let me know that I’m fucking up, cause I’m trying’.

Is it that he's misunderstanding Sydney's annoyed jealous tone or is it something else? Notice his reaction to Sydney's change to being noticeably upset, he dissociates like his brain spasms "is this not what she wanted me to do'.

[loveabledirtbag]

1.02 hands

the tense opening! and how the show expertly swaps the chaotic tension of the beef with the sterile tension of carmy’s restaurant in new york. but it amazes me how even on my millionth rewatch of the show, when joel mchale comes in i go “is that joel mchale? no. it can’t be”, why is jeff winger on the bear? and then he does such a scary good job.

the quick cut from the quiet horror of the new york restaurant to the chaos of the beef is beautifully done, and the fact that carmy is making a burrito is so random and fitting and odd. it just works. carmy has swapped out one shitshow for another, and this one is messier, lower quality, and there’s never a quiet moment. it’s just in your face, all the time, nonstop. but THAT is the place carmy has chosen to be. worth noting.

carmy throwing out the french laundry is his first mistake of the episode. he should know better, especially after specifically not doing it last episode, than to throw out his previous jobs and education to richie, tina, or ebra. “well, go fuck your french laundry. stupid fucking name”. “alright, then at noma-“ “oh, and fuck your noma, too”.

but the back and forth conversation of carmy having noma, and the french laundry on his resume, and richie having gone to devry where they’re “serious about success”, and then the ice cream machine breaks and richie is the one to go fix it (but also by grabbing a bunch of spoons and kitchen utensils, and decidedly NOT actual tools) is on point. and without a missed beat sweeps asks “you graduated?” and richie going “fuck no!” *chefs kiss*

but the class dynamic at play in that scene is gorgeous. because both paths have validity and value in the beef. the ice cream machine breaks and carmy can’t fix it with chef skills. but richie has the skills to fix (or at least he can finagle his way to fixing) the machine. it’s lovely.

the slowdown we see with carmy going outside to smoke, before he goes back to cleaning is nice. the first episode is so break-neck, nonstop intense that having this pause is nice. because it would be impossible to keep up with that pace, and even if it was possible, it wouldn’t be enjoyable to watch.

of course the peaceful and slow scene is followed up by carmy sleep-cooking and almost starting a fire in his apartment when he cooks frozen and wrapped food. it just reminds us that even when he’s away from the (chaotic and nonstop) kitchen, and we the audience get a small reprieve, the show reminds us that chaos can return at any moment.

also, in the scene of carmy at home, the quick meal of peanut butter sandwich, chips, and pop, when he works in a place of great food is so real. when i worked in food, after a long day when i’d come home and be absolutely starving, the last thing i would want to do would be make food for myself. ramen, or just a bunch of lunch meat was a regular meal of mine for YEARS.

i have a lot to say about the scene when sydney comes into carmy’s office to show him her multi-paged research project of ideas to help the bear. and i want to be careful and intentional about how i say this because i know the carmy and sydney debate and subsequent fierce support for each of them is strong and i don’t want to needlessly offend anyone.

BUT as someone who has been on both sides of that conversation, as a passionate employee who has a million ideas for how to fix all the problems of the place where i’m working, and as a manager/operator of a business who has a million things on their plate and can’t quite deal with a million more ideas flying at them (even if those ideas are good) i get it. i really get both sides. sydney is not *annoying* for bombarding carmy with this 30-something page packet of data and ideas. and carmy is not a dick for brushing it off and jumping into something else and leaving sydney in the lurch. sydney didn’t have tact with how and when she came to carmy, who is trying to deal with big picture problems, small picture problems, culture, systems, and a million other issues. sometimes as management you just can’t process anymore. but likewise, carmy could have done a better job of telling sydney that he needed time to process and couldn’t engage in that conversation in that moment. the real issue was a lack of communication, and a misunderstanding of how the other operates. which is something that i think is built upon in season two. i’ve seen so many people defend only carmy, or only sydney. but i think both have their faults in this scene.

you could also argue, however, that carmy as the person in charge with the privilege of ownership, should have done more with his power to communicate what he needed. he’s the example setter for the business and didn’t do a good job showcasing what he needed in the moment.

(also, peep the beginning of the season-long storyline arc: to-go orders and the battle of sleeping on making money from to-gos, and the struggle of figuring out how to manage starting a to-go program)

it’s odd that carmy leaves his office (and sydney) because richie calls out to him “yo, carm!” but then when carmy comes out to see what’s happening richie is the one who says “i can handle this myself cousin. i got this.” like…was that a continuity mistake on the editors/directors part? am i missing something? why draw attention to the issue, and then when the person who’s attention you drew gives you their attention you go, “i don’t want your attention”?

“ron’s gone. gone gone.” “ron’s dead!?” is so funny. i don’t understand people who argue this isn’t a comedy.

the actor who plays nancy chore, chicago board health inspector, is a chicago staple. and i always forget her name.

the biggest thing i have experienced in the service industry when it comes to health inspectors is that if you take richie’s attitude towards them: combative, mistrusting, aggravating; they’re going to suspect you have shit to hide. if you take carmy’s attitude: polite, welcoming, say something along the lines of “feel free to look around, ask me anything if you need me” they’re not going to be as suspicious. don’t fuck with health inspectors…they will fuck back.

ebra and tina taking a smoke break but ebra smoking a BIG ASS cigar, is ICONIC. plus the fact he doesn’t say anything as tina complains to him….we need more ebra. he deserves a spin off. he deserves a movie. i’m in love with ebra.

sydney going right back in with talking to carmy is kind of what i’m talking about. sydney isn’t reading the room and trying to be courteous of where carmy is at. they work in a shithole and a health inspector just came in. carmy probably needs to focus on that, and not on your 30-pages of ideas. however, while carmy is a little blunt, i think he does a decent job of telling sydney that what she’s giving him is a lot with everything else he’s dealing with. highlighted by the immediate shouting of richie…again.

is richie being the one to interrupt sydney and carmy’s conversations about fixing up the beef symbolic? maybe? idk. just a thought.

it’s amazing to me (and again, i know chicago is special and a world unto itself) that a restaurant can have a hole in the tile, with a former gas line next to the stovetops not properly dry-walled and caulked, but clogged with napkins, meaning cross contamination, no hot water in the hand station, AND a pack of cigarettes ontop of the stovetops by the burners and it ONLY results in a C grading? damn.

major props to sydney for getting in between carmy and richie as they get in each others face, ready to beat each other up. that’s some chicago badass behavior right there on her part and i think that’s the moment i fell in love with her.

“you cocked it up, you’re gonna caulk it out” is such an ingenious line and i wish i could have been in the writers room when they came up with that one. same with “surge rates, fucko!” the gold standard of lines.

sydney and richie in his car is just, once again, a chefs kiss of a scene. richie telling sydney she has to wiggle the gear shift, sydney asking richie to hold her purse while she gets ready to drive and him dutifully putting it at his feet. but there’s an automatic nature to how richie does it, that while it may have been ebon moss-bachrach just doing it, i really believe it was an acting choice to show that richie definitely had a wife, before we even see the phone call between him and his ex-wife.

the comment about the multiple arby’s cups being from different visits. god, i love it.

BUT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL detail is the song choice that starts up when the car starts: have you seen me lately, by the counting crows. but not just that, but the live acoustic version. this is a deep cut that ABSOLUTELY was not chosen randomly, but was chosen with precision simply because it’s a song you listen to only when in the depths of despair. richie driving to work and listening to that song is a sign of his internal torment like nothing else we see this season.

richie calling carmy “carmine” is odd. since we know carmy is short for carmen. everyone always says carmen. this is the one instance we hear carmine. is carmen short for carmine, and i’m not aware of it? was it a character choice to say carmine in this instance? was it a mistake that was left in? i wanna know.

gotta respect sydney (for a multitude of reasons, as i’ve said and as i’ll continue to say) that while richie is ranting about how angry he is at carmy, and how stupid carmy is, she says “what does that have to do with what we’re doing? we’re trying to fix the wall. which you fucked up before carmy was even at the restaurant.” like trying to use some therapy 101 of “hmmm…what you’re saying has nothing to do with what’s happening. so, you probably have some deeper issues at play here that you should probably address and work through on your own time.”

ope, uncle jimmy cicero coming in hot with a plot twist of mikey owing jimmy 300 grand. but also, the quick comment of jimmy saying that mikey was “an animal”, which comes into play in season two. a lot of thought went into this show, and you can tell with just every second while watching it.

“i should have stopped by to break your legs”…i would just love to know more about uncle jimmy. i mean obviously he is a prime example of “less is more” with storytelling. we know he’s rich, we know he’s older but has a younger wife and kid (who we’ll meet later), and we also know he makes comments and has conversations around giving people jobs under the table. we can fill in the blanks that he has mob connections, or a criminal network, or something along those lines but we never know exactly what it is upfront. we also don’t know what his day job is. and while i always want more, i love that we’re allowed to just sort of wonder. plus, don’t we all have that relative that we grow up and learn more about and go “ohhhhh. that’s suspicious.”

sydney also trying to come in hot with throwing out some of carmy’s accomplishments to richie, who without surprise still doesn’t give a shit. class struggle right here.

ok. so. the phone call richie gets in the car. this is a master class of storytelling. from the writing to the acting, to the way it was shot. we see richie, being driven around to fix a mistake he made out of his own incompetence. he’s being talked down to by people with skill and talent, of which he seemingly has none. he’s being so obstinate and thick and grating on the audience. and then he gets this call and he picks it up and we see his dirt-caked fingernails, and the distinct shine of his golden wedding ring still on his finger. and we see his pain, and his frustration as he talks to his ex-wife, with these absolutely open and innocent and brilliant blue eyes that softens the hard edges we’ve come to know from him. and then we see that softness actually come out as he talks to his daughter with this mix of pain and heartbreak as it’s so clear she’s his favorite thing in the world, but she asks him if he really loves her. you suddenly know exactly what he’s dealing with outside the restaurant; an ex-wife who is poisoning his daughter against him, even though he clearly isn’t the best example of a stable father and you think his ex probably has a point, and that eats him up because he so clearly wants to be a good dad. and in season two we see how much he wanted to be a good dad. but we’ve also seen so many examples of how he’s not the best example for his daughter. and that all of this happens with sydney right next to him (the worst person in the world to be right next to him). plus he caps it off by saying he fucked up by getting the wrong caulk, AND messed up by leaving his cigarettes on the burner! more on that later. but all of it absolutely makes your heart ACHE for richie, and if it doesn’t you’re a monster. it’s because of the time and care for scenes like this with richie that there is a whole subsection of people who are OBSESSED with richie and love him. despite him being sexist and homophobic.

also, richie calling his 5 year old daughters classmates a bunch of “fuck faces” is an example of ruthless and honest parenting that i am coming to understand more and more each day since my son was born. other kids ARE fuck faces, but my kid is fucking incredible.

i love that we see carmy reading syd’s packet. because it shows he does want to read it. he wasn’t dismissing her for his own egotistical desire to fix everything himself. he truly needed to wait for a moment when he could process everything she was saying, and that moment wasn’t the moment sydney came into his office to talk to him unannounced, but it was later on in the day

oh, pete. i feel like every family has a pete. that person who you know treats your family member well, and loves them, and you know they’re basically a good person…but they just don’t click with the vibe of your family. they’re a little bit too square. they’re off. it’s just too easy to make fun of them. it’s so painfully funny, and honest, and UGH the short conversation between pete and carmy on the phone. pete’s doing nothing wrong and you just wanna be like “pete….shhhhhhhhh.”

it does take real acting skill to have a scene where carmy says “i wanted to apologize for last time…” and pete says “no problem! i went to urgent care and they gave me some stuff to put on it.” and without even knowing the specifics or the context you’re left going “yeah, but pete probably deserved it?” pete is that good at being a loveable schmuck.

carmy admitting to natalie that he sleep walked and almost set fire to his apartment is so good at showing that nat has gone to therapy. and that carmy desperately needs to go as well.

nata saying “shut the fuck up” to carmy, and then pete from another room saying “you want me to shut the fuck up?” to which nat responds “not you, sweetie. you didn’t say anything.” is SO GOOD

“i was throwing up everyday before work” “oh. well that sounds chill” “i kinda dug it.” - a low key theme shown throughout the first season that carmy has an unhealthy attachment to his own pain and suffering (more on that as it happens in the show)

the way that the bear could have been just another show of any infinite number of shows about a fucked up protagonist who’s driving narrative could be resolved if the main character just went to therapy, but never does, because instead the bear says “yeah! carmy needs therapy!” this show is so pro therapy, and i’m excited for more of it as the show progresses in future seasons!

AHHHH richie found a note! addressed to carmy! from mikey! i forget that this episode really sets up the rest of the season! the first episode introduces us to the show, but this episode introduces us to the seasons! there are so many points that we’ll keep coming back to as the show progresses.

also, ebon moss-bachrach committing to, and executing near perfectly, the thick inside chicago accent (as illustrated by his “yeah yeah yeah, i’ll be right dere”) is perfect. i know some people say his accent is borderline offensive as a stereotype, like the accents used in fargo was for minnesotans. but much like the accents from fargo, while not everyone in illinois has richie’s accent, SOME people do. and his use of it is 🤌🤌🤌.

so sydney is on the line, calling out orders as ebra repeats the orders back to her while calling her “chef”. this shows that ebra is now getting on board with the new system, as opposed to mikey’s old system. i only wish we would have seen the transition of ebra accepting this new system. or maybe the point is that ebra is go-with-the-flow enough that as long as he gets to work with his beef, he’s happy.

BUT sydney at the front calling out orders is something we see started in the next episode, where carmy has formally implemented a french brigade system in the kitchen and placed sydney as his sou chef. so why is sydney already acting as his sou in this scene? was this scene shot and intended for a future episode and was cut and moved to fill a hole in this episode? once again, am i missing something? it seems like sydney is doing the thing she’s promoted to do in the next episode, in this episode. except that in the same scene carmy says “thank you for taking richie today”, which could only be talking about sydney taking richie to get caulk right?

richie and carmy talking about how jimmy is getting the health department to come back, despite the health inspector saying she can’t legally come back for 30 days, and just chalking it up to jimmy being jimmy. *another chefs kiss*. i want to know more about jimmy but his beauty is his mystery.

it’s really good storytelling that richie sees the cigarettes on the burner and assumes they’re his. and that everyone assumes they’re his. even though richie, carmy, and tina smoke cigarettes. but it can’t be carmy because he’s the professional, young, hot shot, classical and fine dining trained chef. on top of that, we have this whole episode where you could get the vibe that maybe carmy is ignoring sydney’s suggestions because carmy wants to do it himself, he wants to save the restaurant himself. but then we have a scene where carmy is looking at syd’s packet, before nat tells carm that he might need help, and then carmy hires sydney officially at the restaurant, subtly telling her he’s going to implement some of her ideas. because he said he couldn’t afford to hire her for real, but now he can. carmy is admitting to sydney that he needs her help. and right as he admits to us the audience that he needs help, we realize that it was him who left his cigarette on the burner. he was busy cleaning the restaurant by himself, trying to save and care for it by himself, and he absentmindedly put them on the burner and kept on cleaning. so now we, the audience, really know: carmy, most definitely, needs help. because his talent, his skill, his training, and his schooling aren’t enough to save this restaurant. he needs syd’s passion, and he needs richie hobbling things together cheaply. he can’t do it alone.

and realizing that he really, really needs help leads him to look at nat’s text again: where she’s sent him a link to al-anon. the closest thing to therapy he’s gonna get this season.

Season One: Episode 1 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8

[loveabledirtbag]

1.01 - system

i’ve often thought about the stark difference between how the bear season one opens and the bear season two opens. but they are both actually kinda chill. the bear season one becomes frantic once carmy wakes up, but his dream sequence is kinda chill? until the bear tries to kill him?

the guitar strums as carmy wakes up is etched in my brain and somehow always releases endorphins when i hear it

the amount of storytelling they pull off in a ten second scene of the meat delivery and carmy calling lu is just incredible.

just once in my life i want to have been able to say that i had a back alley deal for some beef. it’s a fun kind of bad ass.

is it just me, or does carmy and sydney just look like BABIES in the pilot?

as someone who has interviewed a lot of people over the years for a passion-intensive type of job, seeing a business (like carmy sees the UPS) and thinking it has something to do with the job being interviewed for is truly understandable and relatable. and its never not embarrassing

there’s just something about the overlapping, chaotic yelling of everyone in the kitchen with the full spectrum of emotions that is just so on point to so many places i’ve worked. happy (and not so happy) memories

having had more time to think about the conversation between richie and carmy in the walk-in…carmy may have been more hurtful. is richie more bombastic and antagonistic? sure. is he more crude? almost always. but he’s a man who’s spent his whole life in a place doing a job with his best friend. his best friend died, and now his best friends kid brother is coming in and changing how everything is done. on top of the money problems. so he’s 44/45 years old and upset about his world changing and asking carmy to keep things how they were. but carmy, once challenged, goes right for “why didn’t michael leave the restaurant to you then?”. brutal. but i think its kind of their dynamic as a whole in retrospect: richie is louder and more aggressive, but when push comes to shove carmy will go in for the jugular and cut deep right away.

“1+1 equals you’re an asshole, bobby flay” “don’t call me bobby flay!” is a beautiful joke

matty matheson’s introduction to the show is iconic. he just comes in BAM and the camera work moves as if a drumroll of “and heeeeeeeere’s Fak!”

the scene where carmy finds his knife on the ground, and we get the intercut scenes of the morgue, and the first look at the back of mikey’s head has never made sense to me. because carmy said he didn’t go to the funeral, and richie says carmy didn’t come home. i assume that means carmy was in new york. so why is he seeing an image of a morgue with a sheet over a body? is it not a memory? is it just part of his imagination? i know the show has a lot of dream sequences and dream logic. but it’s curious.

also, the fact that in the original script, upon finding his knife on the ground carmy has a major blow up (of “review” levels) where he throws pots and screams. but instead the episode cuts to arguably the softest, and calmest shot of the episode: a beautiful softly lit scene of some meat getting salted and cooked.

which is an interesting choice when you know the alternative possibilities of the original script. it’s almost as if they decided that a way for carmy to come down is by cooking. even if that idea is challenged as the series goes on. but the anger is abated by getting into the groove of cooking and the meditative qualities of cooking.

i also think it’s a good thing they cut carmy’s blowup in this episode, because it makes his eventual blowup so much more impactful later in the season. and it would have made us, the audience, much more against him from the beginning. but instead we get through the whole season falling in love with carmy and understanding him, so when he does have his blowup in episode 7 we understand a bit more of where he’s coming from. he’s a bit more human, and we find it easier to forgive him. plus, when sydney and marcus quit in episode 7 it makes more sense that carmy isn’t normally like that. if they were used to his major freak outs than his actions in episode 7 wouldn’t have been so shocking where it pushed them to quit. but because he wasn’t usually like that, it makes sense that they walk away.

the quick back and forth of carmy and tina talking: “hey tina, i gotta see my sister, can you hold down the fort?” “yeah. hey, why doesn’t your sister come around here no more?” is such good writing. because suddenly, what you thought was an extremely antagonistic relationship, you realize has a history. carmy knows tina more than just his short time as owner of the beef. he knows tina, and he trusts tina, and tina knows carmy and carmy’s family.

“i’m gonna fix this place” “no one’s asking you too” is…maybe worth a whole post in and of itself. there are family dynamics, power dynamics, privilege, class relationships, and so much at play in the bear. but the idea of carmy, someone with knowledge and talent, wanting to help everyone in the beef reach their best potential is both a holier-than-thou idea, and/or a testament of love and devotion to a group of people who he knows deserve more out of life if they could only be given a chance. even if they do nothing but mock him. but also; we have to take into account it’s a white guy, with a staff that is predominantly POC, and that has a lot of meaning behind it. there are endless amounts of lenses you can watch and engage in with this show, and people should. feminism, gender, race, class…just so much depth to unpack. i wish academics would get on it and write all the books of the multiple lenses so i could read them, and then bastardize them for tumblr.

carmy having everyone try his new sandwich, and ebraheim (who has ALWAYS been underutilized in this show) saying “it’s redundant and white, just like you” and carmy saying “heard, heard, heard” is (again) such great and deep writing. carmy is one of the best chefs in the world, he KNOWS his version of the italian beef sandwich is better than how it was being done before. but fine dining and classically trained culinary skills often (read: systemically) cater to white folk. so a black man telling a white man his sandwich is white, when that white man has accolades and awards and skill in his world…it means something. and the fact that carmy doesn’t throw his awards, or his skill in ebraheim’s face as a response or get defensive at all is a testament to the fact that carmy also gets it. he understands that there a power dynamics at play, and that other peoples opinions matter even if it goes against the skill and talent he knows he’s using in the creation of this dish. other cultures have other flavor profiles they enjoy and just because their cuisine might not be regarded as “fine dining” in most instances doesn’t make them less valid or important.

family dinner is so beautiful. “i’m grateful for all you motherfuckers”. because that is family, and oftentimes the best team at a small restaurant or shop. you fight, you battle over what temperature you want, you steal their knives, you pretend to not speak english, but that doesn’t mean you don’t LOVE them

“i’m grateful for phillip k. dick” richie has surprising layers to him.

i have been in chicago five times in my life, and three of those times i have seen a random man shoot a gun into the air to (probably) make a point. so richie doing the same thing feels fitting. god, i love chicago.

“you snyder-cut, 4chan, qanon motherfuckers” is also amazing writing for richie. we know he uses homophobic slurs, he calls sydney (a stranger) sweetheart, and babe. we assume he would be a republican, and maybe even a “scary”, trumpy one. but no. the working class has a broad spectrum to it, and just because someone isn’t politically correct doesn’t mean they’re automatically in a specific political party. people have layers and nuance to them, and richie “phillip k. dick” jerimovich is a perfect example of one. “i hate litter, so you cucks are gonna clean up after yourselves. and you’re gonna goddamn recycle.”

the inkling of seeing that carmy’s “system” is having a positive impact on the staff when marcus says “heard, chef” is great. but i can’t get over the fact that carmy seeing that change and then deciding to toss the can of tomatoes into the trash is wasting how many thousands of dollars in one second? (more on that later)

ugh. it’s a perfect show. a perfect episode. it introduces everything and is so economical. you get so much storytelling in 27 minutes. i truly believe this is the best show ever made and i will argue that until the day i die.

Season One: Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8

[loveabledirtbag]

having watched both seasons of the bear REPEATEDLY i think it’s time to go through and write all of my thoughts while watching the bear AGAIN.

it’s my birthday, so what better time to do that? let’s go this’ll be fire.

Season One: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8

Season Two: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 | Episode 9 | Episode 10