lucilfersdiary - Tumblr blog

[lucilfersdiary]

God I’m such an asshole I’m such an asshole I’m such an asshole he’s the only person I never want to hurt and look what I fucking did

[lucilfersdiary]

I’m disgusted with myself. I failed to consider somebodies feelings and now they are upset. I thought I was better than this.

[lucilfersdiary]

Irrationally being the key word there.

Yes irrationally being there keyword, I have intermittent explosive disorder the key symptom of which is “explosions of rage that are disproportionate to the situation.” Im aware it’s irrational but that does not mean I am able to control it.

[lucilfersdiary]

Don’t respond to my vents with positivity and shit none of you know me you don’t even know my NAME. It makes me irrationally angry.

[lucilfersdiary]

I don’t want to be a bad person anymore

[lucilfersdiary]

There’s already enough evil in this world I see no need to add to that

[lucilfersdiary]

My aspd blog (this one) is my main blog btw

[lucilfersdiary]

I’m never helping anybody again. I’ll let everyone do what they like. Oh you want to talk to your abuser and lie to me about it? Go a fucking head.

[lucilfersdiary]

People only like me when i pretend to be better even if it kills me.

[lucilfersdiary]

Oh.

[lucilfersdiary]

I feel extremely numb today. Though it isn’t pleasant as I usually find it.

[lucilfersdiary]

I am so insufferably bored I am genuinely considering offing myself to relieve this suffocating feeling

[lucilfersdiary]

ID: box that says “this user is chronically bored" there is an empty thought bubble on the left side

[lucilfersdiary]

A lot of others with aspd are INTP or ENTPs, that’s quaint

[lucilfersdiary]

TERFS, RADFEMS, Pro-life, anti-Sex work. Etc bitches aren’t welcome here lmao get fucked.

[lucilfersdiary]

Hearing it referred to as “our disorder” by another individual with it made me feel far less alone.

[lucilfersdiary]

I’ve been doing the things I am supposed to, I’ve been studying, working out, sleeping at reasonable times, engaging with people again, interacting with others. Everything that’s supposed to make things ‘better’. So why do I feel worse? I feel as though I am teetering on the edge of spiralling and I don’t understand why. I did everything I was supposed to.