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m0dernidi0ts · 8 months ago

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Staring Problems || Trevor Spengler x GN! Reader

Recently watched Frozen Empire with my roommates and holy shit...TREVOR SPENGLERRRRR!! UGGGGGGH!! he's so silly....I just thinks he's...neat. Anyways enjoy this little blurb!! Reader and Trevor have been best friends since the reader joined the Ghostbusters Research Center as an inter. The two of them haven't spoken about the potential growing feelings between the two of them until Lars makes it clear that he also likes the reader - Trevor won't stand to loss them to him.

The fluorescent lights hummed overhead like restless spirits, casting their sterile glow across the polished surfaces of the Ghostbusters Research Center. You hunched over your workstation, where an iridescent sample of ectoplasm swirled in its containment unit like liquid moonlight. The familiar symphony of the lab—ozone's sharp bite, metal's cold whisper, and the metronomic beeping of PKE meters—wrapped around you like a well-worn lab coat.

Like a phantom touch between your shoulder blades, you felt those eyes again. A quick glance up confirmed what you already knew: Lars, stationed across the lab like a satellite locked in orbit, hurriedly shifted his gaze back to his computer screen. You figured he must be curious about your research on spectral resonance patterns—it was pretty groundbreaking stuff, after all.

“Hey,” You heard the familiar voice of your best friend, Trevor Spengler. His voice was soft as a greeted you, “Thought you might need a pick-me-up.” Trevor and you had always been close. When the Ghostbusters relocated back to New York, you jumped at the Idea to inter at the research lab. That’s where you met and instantly became friends. From late-night stakeouts, the two of you laughing over shared coffee and energy drinks at odd hours, to your endless inside jokes, Trevor became the person who knew you better than anyone else. He was the one you’d text about anything from weird ghost sightings to random thoughts, and no one else understood you quite the way he did. “Trevor!” you said, your face lighting up as you took the latte gratefully. “You didn’t have to do that, but thank you.” As much as you cherished the easy closeness, a part of you always wanted more. Sometimes, when he’d lean over your shoulder to point something out, his arm brushing yours, or when he’d give you that effortless, heart-stopping grin, you’d find yourself hoping he felt it too. You hid it well, laughing off every little moment, but inside, your heart ached for the chance to be more than just his friend.

His mouth curved into a smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. You knew something was eating at him. Every time he’s stepped foot into research lab for the last month or so he’s been…almost absent. Not fully there. What eats at him, eats at you – that’s just friendship.

“So, what’s the occasion?” you teased, trying to lighten the moment. “You checking up on me?”

“Something like that.” Trevor’s voice was casual, but the glance he threw over your shoulder told a different story. His focus shifted back and forth from you to the far side of the room, and the lines around his mouth deepened.

Following Trevor's gaze, you spotted Lars, one of the researchers, standing by a row of computers across the room. He wasn’t just looking in your direction; his gaze was fixed on you, intense and unblinking, like he was trying to unravel a mystery. His eyes didn’t shift when you caught him staring, either—he just kept studying you. But Lars was always into you- well, into your work. The two of you were both very into each other’s research, mutual respect and all that. You glanced back at Trevor, your pulse quickening under the weight of their stares. It was like standing in the center of a storm, two opposing currents pulling at you, the tension thickening around you with each passing second. The strangeness of it all left you feeling raw and unsettled, as though you were a wire stretched between them, humming under an electric charge only you could feel. “Trev,” you turned your attention back to your best friend with a small, awkward laugh, trying to shake off the odd feeling creeping into your stomach. “You’re staring daggers at my coworker?”

Trevor’s face flushed, and he let out a small, uneasy laugh that wasn’t at all like his usual easygoing self. “I’m…not.” His stance shifted, shoulders tense as his fingers tapped a staccato rhythm against his leg, like he was trying to hold something back. “But Lars…” he began, his voice lowering as he cast a dark look over at Lars. It was a look that caught you off guard, a look you’d never seen from him before— It was sudden and intense. “What’s his deal?” Trevor’s jaw clenched slightly, his eyes narrowing.

“Lars?” You turned, glancing over at the researcher again, who was still watching you—though now it seemed he was pretending to busy himself with his work. “Yknow, we’re all just super into the job. You get used to it.” You laughed, shrugging your shoulders softly– shaking off Trevor’s concern with a smile. But Trevor wasn’t laughing. “He doesn’t look like he’s interested in the job,” Trevor muttered, his voice low as his jaw tightened. “He looks like he’s interested in you.”

Blinking slowly, you were more than a little thrown by the way Trevor was looking at you. The fierce intensity in his gaze felt almost foreign, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were missing something. Since when did he get so worked up about a coworker? And why did he care if Lars was looking at you? “Uh, Trev, you’re being kind of intense. Lars is just passionate,” you replied with a dismissive wave, chuckling nervously as you turned back to your work, hoping to ease the tension. Trevor let out a short, frustrated laugh. “Yeah, ‘passionate’ is one word for it. He’s been staring at you all morning like…” He bit off his sentence, his eyes darkening in a way that left you feeling more than a little off balance.

Blankly you stared back at him, wondering what on earth had crawled under his skin. Trevor was usually so laid-back, but now he was acting like Lars was some kind of threat. Lars was a lot of things; Booksmart, sarcastic, maybe even a tad egotistical – but a threat wasn’t on the list. You had always just assumed he had a staring problem, a lot of people did. One thing you knew for sure was that Trevor was overreacting.

“Why are you so worked up about this?” you asked, both confused and a little amused. “It’s Lars. He’s just… being Lars. He’s like this with everyone.”

Trevor’s mouth twitched, and he let out a frustrated sigh. “No, he’s not like this with everyone.” He took a step closer to you, lowering his voice. “He keeps looking at you like…that.” You tilted your head, trying to process what he was saying. This whole situation was almost laughable. But Trevor was standing here, looking deadly serious, and now you couldn’t help but second-guess yourself. You cast a sidelong glance at Lars, who was definitely not paying attention to his computer, but instead sneaking another look at you. Then Trevor cleared his throat, drawing your attention back to him. His eyes were blazing, a storm brewing in their depths, and it was unsettling to see such intensity on his face. The way he stared at you was almost possessive, like he was wrestling with something he couldn’t quite articulate.

“What’s going on with you?” you asked, taking a half-step toward him. The air felt charged between you, heavy with unspoken words and a tension that made your heart race. You reached out, your hand wrapping around his wrist gently, urging him to meet your gaze. “Y'know what, outside. Let’s step outside for a minute.” Trust that you loved when Trevor stopped by in his free time to surprise you with coffee and listen as you explained your latest breakthrough, but this was all absurd and couldn’t frankly wait till you were off. You pulled him gently toward the door, needing some space from the busy research room. As you stepped out into the hallway, the bustling sounds of the center faded, leaving just the two of you in the quiet. Trevor paced a tight circle, reminiscent of an electron trapped in an unstable orbit. His fingers drummed against his thigh in an erratic rhythm that matched the nervous energy radiating off him in waves. "Why are you so worked up?" you asked, watching his agitation build like pressure in a containment unit. "Did the possessor get to you or something?" “Lars won’t stop fucking staring at you like he wants to eat you," Trevor leaned against the wall, arms crossed tightly over his chest. He looked conflicted, like he was grappling with some heavy burden he couldn’t seem to articulate. “I just… I don’t like it,” he finally admitted, his voice low and rough around the edges. “I don’t like how he looks at you, like you’re something he can claim. It feels like—like he’s trying to take you away from me, and I don’t want that.” His words hung in the air, and you stared at him, bewildered. “Take me away? Trev, it’s not like that. Lars is just a coworker.” You tried to dismiss his concern, but your heart thudded in your chest at the unexpected intensity of his feelings. This was Trevor, your best friend, the one who always knew how to make you laugh when things got tough. Yet here he was, acting like a scene from a bad drama, his brows knitted together as if the world was crumbling around him.

You took a step back, trying to process the situation. “You’re acting kind of crazy right now,” you said, half-joking, hoping to lighten the mood. “It’s just Lars, He gets like crazed about this stuff! I bet he wishes he was working on my study!” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, It was truly laughable. You never expect Trevor to get…get so worked up over someone looking at you. But here Trevor was with his posture tense, like a coiled spring ready to snap, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were missing something. Finally, he exhaled sharply, looking down at the coffee cup he’d brought you, as though the words he wanted to say were etched somewhere on its surface. The steam curled up like whispered secrets, rising into the air, but his thoughts remained locked away. “It’s not just about him looking at you,” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper, each word tumbling out like it was a confession. “I just… I don’t want anyone else thinking they can—” He paused, his cheeks flushing a deep crimson, as if the very act of speaking was igniting a fire inside him. “I don’t want anyone else thinking they have a shot with you.”

Your brain went blank, thoughts skidding to a halt like a car on a slick road. Wait. What? Since when did Trevor care if anyone else “had a shot” with you? The very idea sent a wave of disbelief crashing over you. The two of you were just friends, and Trevor had never acted like he felt anything different. This revelation felt like a jolt of electricity coursing through you, leaving you a little dizzy and breathless.

“Trevor…” you said slowly, a confused smile dancing on your lips, struggling to comprehend this new layer of your friendship. “You’re acting like you’re jealous or something.”

His response was instantaneous, but the admission hung in the air like an unspoken promise. Trevor rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous gesture that belied the storm brewing inside him. His expression was a complicated tapestry woven from embarrassment and frustration, a boy caught in the complexities of emotions he hadn’t anticipated. “Yeah. Maybe I am,” The admission was heavy, weighty, and it settled between you like a thick fog, shrouding the familiar warmth of your friendship in something undeniably charged. “Maybe..It made me realize I don't want anyone else looking at you that way. Except for... me?” Trevor's words tumbled out in a rush, each syllable heavy with a weight he could no longer contain. As he spoke, his gaze bore into you, fierce and unyielding, like a lighthouse searching for lost ships in a stormy sea. There was an intensity in his eyes that sent shivers down your spine, a combination of longing and fear that made your heart race. It was as if he were peeling back layers of his soul, exposing vulnerabilities he had never dared to reveal before. The way he looked at you was electrifying, a raw need escaping beneath the surface.

You felt the air thicken around you, every heartbeat echoing in the silence as Trevor's admission hung between you like a delicate thread, taut and ready to snap. The intensity of his gaze seemed to strip away the noise of the world, leaving only the two of you in a space that felt both exhilarating and terrifying. “You?” you echoed, your voice barely above a whisper, disbelief mingling with a flicker of hope. The realization settled in your chest, warming you from the inside out, yet you couldn’t shake the anxiety curling in your stomach. Did he really mean that?

Trevor shifted slightly, the tension in his posture hinting at a whirlwind of emotions beneath the surface. He took a half-step closer, the space between you charged with unspoken possibilities, and you could see the vulnerability etched into his features. “I know it sounds crazy,” he said, his voice a low murmur, the sincerity evident in every word. It did sound crazy, Trevor Spengler was never this serious about something. “But when I saw him looking at you, it felt like someone was trying to take you away from me…I couldn’t stand the idea of you with him.”

His honesty disarmed you, and for a moment, you were lost in the depths of his eyes—those bright, expressive orbs that had always held a hint of mischief now bore a deeper, more profound weight. You could see the fear lurking behind that fierce gaze, the worry that this admission might change everything. And yet, it also held a spark of something more—a tentative hope, a desire that hinted at the possibility of something beyond friendship.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” you asked, your heart fluttering in your chest, a delicate dance of anticipation and uncertainty. The way Trevor’s brow furrowed as he considered your question made you ache to reach out and soothe the apprehension swirling within him.

“I've wanted to ask you this for a while now, but I don't know how,” he confessed, a soft vulnerability creeping into his voice. As he spoke, Trevor ran a hand through his hair, a gesture that revealed the nervous energy thrumming beneath his surface. His fingers fumbled slightly, as if searching for the right words that danced just out of reach. His shoulders were tense, drawn up as if bracing against an unseen weight, and you noticed how he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, an unconscious movement that betrayed his anxiety. The intensity of his gaze remained locked on yours, a mixture of longing and fear swirling in those bright, expressive eyes, as if he were trying to anchor himself in this moment, to draw strength from your presence.

“I just keep thinking about how… how amazing you are,” he continued, his voice slightly trembling, betraying the vulnerability he was trying to mask. “And I don’t want to mess it up. I know I probably sound ridiculous right now.” He let out a short, nervous laugh, but there was no humor in it—only a poignant blend of anxiety and earnestness.

He rubbed the back of his neck again, a habit you recognized as a tell of his discomfort, and you could see the way his cheeks flushed a deeper shade as he continued to lay bare his feelings. His sincerity shone through the cracks in his facade, and you could sense the weight of the moment bearing down on him. This was Trevor, the lighthearted joker who had always known how to make you smile, now revealing a side of himself that was raw and open, a stark contrast to his usual playful demeanor.

“Trevor,” you said softly, your voice steady despite the whirlwind of emotions swirling within you. “You aren’t being ridiculous right now.” You took a small step closer, wanting to eliminate the invisible barrier that had formed in the wake of his confession. “The only ridiculous part of this is you thinking I’d choose Lars over someone I’ve had a crush on for months.” The warmth of your words seemed to envelop him like a comforting embrace, and you could see the tension in his shoulders ease slightly, the rigid lines of anxiety softening as a flicker of relief crossed his features.

“Really? Months?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, the vulnerability in his tone drawing you in. His eyes widened, and you caught the slight parting of his lips, the hope illuminating his expression, like dawn breaking through the darkness.

“Really,” you affirmed, feeling a rush of courage swell within you. “I’ve also wanted to say something, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t think you’d…be interested in mel.” As you spoke, you noticed the way Trevor’s breathing quickened, a subtle rise and fall that mirrored the rapid beating of your own heart. He ran a hand through his hair again, a nervous habit that made his curls fall into his eyes, but he didn’t brush them aside—almost as if he wanted to hide behind that curtain of hair, but his resolve was crumbling.

The way his expression shifted from fear to something softer, more tender, sent a warmth flooding through you. “You have no idea how interested I am in you,” he said, a radiant smile breaking across his face—a smile that chased away the shadows of uncertainty. The corners of his eyes crinkled, and you could see the genuine joy blooming there, bright and inviting, as he took a hesitant step closer, as if testing the waters of this new connection.

The moment felt electric, charged with possibility as the barriers between you melted away, and you were left standing in a newfound intimacy that transformed the very fabric of your friendship. You both were standing on the precipice of something beautiful, and the world outside faded into insignificance as you shared this sacred space, caught in the exhilarating dance of discovery, vulnerability, and hope.

Trevor shifted his weight from one foot to the other, a subtle dance of anticipation as he leaned in just a fraction more, the space between you filled with the unspoken promise of what was to come. His gaze softened, the intensity giving way to a gentler warmth as he regarded you, a mix of longing and sincerity swirling in the depths of his eyes. “So, are we like dating now?” he asked, the question hanging in the air like an invitation, daring you both to take the next step into this uncharted territory.The warmth between you grew, and you felt a spark ignite in your chest, urging you to cross the threshold of friendship into something deeper. With a newfound sense of clarity, you realized this was your moment to embrace the vulnerability that came with love—a leap of faith into a beautiful unknown. Trevor’s body language mirrored your own, a blend of eagerness and caution, and you could see the flicker of hope in his eyes, as if he were silently urging you to take that leap together.

“Yeah, Spengler…we’re dating now.”

#ghostbusters #trevor spengler #trevor spengler x reader #ghostbusters frozen empire #trevor spengler x gn!reader #finn wolfhard x reader #trevor spengler x you #finn wolfhard x you #Modernidiotfics

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m0dernidi0ts · 8 months ago

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I Love You, I'm Sorry

Spencer Reid x Ex-BAU!Reader -- ANGST HEAVY Hi!!! This is my first fic on this page, so please be nice! I kept the reader gender neutral! This is based off I Love You, I'm Sorry by Gracie Abrams.

“Two Augusts ago

I told the truth, oh, but you didn't like it, you went home

You're in your Benz, I'm by the gate

Now you go alone

Charm all the people you train for, you mean well but aim low

And I'll make it known like I'm getting paid” The bustling sounds of New York City filled your ears as you stood outside the FBI headquarters, the Cigarette you had pressed firmly in between your fingers treated you like an old friend. You hadn’t expected to see your old team mates for awhile— it was painful enough leaving them behind. When you joined the BAU, it was as if everything you had fought for had, all the pain you endure, melted away. That insatiable hunger that had kept you going had been fed; Yet, it came back like a dog to a bone when you got to know Dr. Spencer Reid. Just like you, he had be in his early 20s when he joined the BAU. A prodigy that saw right through the mask you dawned everyday. Spencer and you became more than colleagues, you became friends. It was your fault you read into it. You should have known better, you did know better. That’s why you left everything you had worked so hard for, you left it all for him- Transferred to the Terrorism Unit in New York. "Cause that's just the way life goes,

I like to slam doors closed

Trust me, I know it's always about me

I love you, I'm sorry” Unfortunately the universe loved to remind you that no matter how far you run, your problems will find you. You took a drag, letting the smoke linger in your mouth for a moment, poised and still, just long enough to feel the anticipation build before you brought it to your lips, drawing in a slow, thoughtful breath. The first inhale was always an introduction — soft and tentative, an invitation into the steady warmth that bloomed in your chest, spreading in tendrils of sharpness that sank deeper with each passing second.z

You exhaled, watching the thin stream of smoke curl upward, twisting like an ephemeral thought that disappeared just as you tried to hold onto it. The scent wrapped around you, a smell like half-forgotten memories and late nights that stretched out until the edges blurred. There was something almost hypnotic about it, the ritual of it all: the inhale, the slow release, the way the smoke seemed to absorb whatever was knotted up inside of you, lifting it away with an elegance nothing else could touch. You knew you’d toss the cigarette soon, drop it to the ground and grind it under your heel, watching the last ember die with a soft hiss against the concrete. But for now, you let it burn in your hand, the smoke lingering around you like a dark, comforting ghost, a reminder that sometimes, all you needed was a small, quiet fire to keep you company. “Two summers from now

We'll have been talking, but not all that often, we're cool now

I'll be on a boat, you're on a plane going somewhere, same

And I'll have a drink

Wistfully lean out my window and watch the sun set on the lake

I might not feel real, but it's okay”

Up in your office, you hide from the world. You knew if was an overdrawn profile, the smallest men tower over the city to feel something. No matter how overdrawn it was, it painted you perfectly. When the first attack happened, your SSA told he’d have to call in the BAU – It’s sad that happy reunion she thought this was wouldn’t happen. You had never wish the evil in this world way harder than we your colleague had stepped into your office. You couldn’t do this, there wouldn’t be enough time in the world for you to be ready to see him again.

“Agent [Last Name],” your colleague murmured, breaking through your spiraling thoughts. “the BAU has arrived.”

The words struck you like a lightning bolt, sending a rush of adrenaline through your veins. You held your breath, caught between panic and anticipation. The tightness in your chest expanded, threatening to overwhelm you. You had left the BAU not out of a lack of dedication, but to escape the gravitational pull of your own heart. You loved Spencer, and that love had grown like a shadow over everything else, darker and more complex than the cases you worked. You took a deep breath. As you steeled yourself, you caught a glimpse of movement outside your door — the familiar, lanky figure you had longed to forget but could never fully erase. Spencer Reid stepped into the office with an air of confidence that was both endearing and devastating. He carried the weight of the world with him, a gravity that had always drawn you in. "Cause that's just the way life goes,

I push my luck, it shows

Thankful you don't send someone to kill me

I love you, I’m sorry”

The case went like any other BAU case you had worked. It made your bones ache, you had been trying to chase that high since you transferred. You knew the Terrorism division saw it in your eyes, that insatiable hunger that filled you – kept you coming back time and time again. But it was different now. The cases felt heavier, laden with a weight that pressed down on your soul. Every detail etched into your mind, the kind of grim knowledge that made your bones ache as you pursued the unrelenting darkness that had gripped the city. This was what you craved, the thrill of the chase, the unraveling of a mind that sought chaos. You had been trying to chase that high since you transferred to the Terrorism Division, but the hunger never dulled.

With each passing hour, the BAU and the Terrorism Division worked in tandem, two forces merging like storm clouds gathering on the horizon. You felt the energy in the air, crackling with anticipation as the investigation deepened. The BAU’s profilers brought their keen insight, peeling back layers of the unsub's psyche, while the Terrorism Division mobilized resources, a well-oiled machine ready to strike when the moment was right. Finally, the breakthrough came, like a flash of lightning illuminating the darkness. The confrontation was chaotic, it only caused that ache in you to grow – cavernous . You felt the adrenaline surge as you cornered the unsub, the very embodiment of terror that had taunted your city. In that moment, everything fell into place, your instincts honed by years of experience guiding you like an unseen hand. The darkness that had loomed over New York began to receded back into a scared man with an insatiable hunger to similar to yours.

“You were the best but you were the worst

As sick as it sounds,

I loved you first

I was a dick, it is what it is

A habit to kick, the age-old curse

I tend to laugh whenever I'm sad

I stare at the crash, it actually works

Making amends, this shit never ends

I'm wrong again, wrong again”

With the case close – and some sort of normalcy being restored to New York, you thought it would be over. Stupid of you to assume you’d always have luck on your side, stupid of you to assume you could always run and never get caught. He echoed in your mind like a haunting melody, the bittersweet cadence of truth wrapping around you as you stood in your office – trying to hide your vulnerability. You had never been one to shy from your past, but admitting the complexity of your feelings for Spencer Reid was an entirely different battle “Agent [Last Name],” Spencer’s voice range in your head. “We need to talk.”

You could see it in his eyes — the need for clarity, the yearning for understanding. The connection you had felt was still there, but it had shifted into something more profound, more complicated. As the city began to awaken around you, you felt the walls you had built around your heart tremble, the desire to share everything threatening to spill out. “I know you left the BAU for a reason,” he continued, his tone earnest and probing, each word like a key turning in a lock. “I need to understand why. You can’t just walk away from that life without something driving you.”

The gravity of his words sank deep, resonating within you like the haunting echo of a bell tolling in a vast emptiness. He was right, You don’t just walk away from the BAU. Everyone in the BAU knows that what they do, it fuels them – it feeds their hunger. But you didn’t walk away, you ran. You ran to keep your truth hiddens miles away, you ran to keep your dignity as an agent. “Spencer,” you began, but the words caught in your throat, heavy with the weight of everything unspoken. “I didn’t want to complicate things. I didn’t want to drag you into my mess.”

Spencer’s proximity was intoxicating, It gave you a rush no cigarette ever could. You stared back at your reason from running, his eyes pouring into you with that insatiable hunger; However, he was hungry for knowledge, not your mess – not you. The space that had once felt so insurmountable began to shrink, the walls you had built around your heart trembling under the intensity of his gaze. “But I was already in it, wasn’t I?” he pressed, his voice low and earnest, a soft plea amidst the course of your emotions. “You thought I wouldn’t care? That I wouldn’t want to be there for you?”

You wanted laugh. Whatever reason he had given you for leaving was nothing compared to the real weight of the truth between them. That truth that surged like a tidal wave, threatening to pull you under. You felt the heat of his gaze, the concern etched on his features igniting a fire within you, one that had long been buried beneath layers of self-preservation. “Reid, it’s better this way.” The admission hung in the air, raw and trembling, a revelation that stripped you bare. “I’m where I really wanted to be, not just chasing the monster that fed off our fear.” You lied, like you always do.

“The way life goes

Joyriding down our road

Lay on the horn to prove that it haunts me

(I'm wrong again, wrong again)

I love you, I'm sorry” You wanted to laugh, a hollow sound that echoed in the depths of your chest. Whatever reason Spencer had given you for leaving the BAU was nothing compared to the real weight of the truth that loomed between you, a truth that surged like a tidal wave, threatening to pull you under. Each heartbeat reverberated with the fear of exposure, the vulnerability that came with revealing the emotions you had buried deep. You felt the heat of his gaze, the concern etched on his features igniting a fire within you—one that had long been smothered beneath layers of self-preservation and denial.

“Reid, it’s better this way,” you managed to say, your voice quivering as it fought against the storm brewing inside you. The admission hung in the air, raw and trembling, a revelation that stripped you bare of all pretenses. “I’m where I really wanted to be, not just chasing the monster that fed off our fear.” You lied, the words tasting bitter on your tongue, like poison that burned as it slid down your throat.

In that moment, you saw the flicker of disbelief in his eyes, the way his brow furrowed as he processed your words. You could see the truth clawing at him, demanding to be acknowledged, yet you were caught in a web of your own making, tangled in a narrative that felt so much easier than facing the chaos of your heart. You wanted to scream, to tell him how much you had wanted to stay, how much the BAU had meant to you, and how much he meant to you, but the walls you had built felt insurmountable.

“Is it really better?” he asked, his voice low and steady, cutting through the fog of your self-deceit. “Or are you just trying to convince yourself of that?”

The intensity of his gaze pierced through your defenses, and you felt a pang of guilt twist in your stomach. “I’m safe here,” you replied, trying to mask the trembling uncertainty in your voice. “I don’t have to be part of the chaos anymore. I’m helping people in a different way.” Each word felt like a thin layer of armor, shielding you from the reality that clung to you like a shadow, a constant reminder of what you had given up.But even as you spoke, doubt gnawed at the edges of your resolve. You could see the truth reflected in his eyes, the way they searched yours for honesty, for clarity. You were lying to him and to yourself, hiding behind a façade of bravado while the real monster lurked in the shadows of your heart—your unyielding love for him.

“Spencer, Whatever reason you thought I left for…It not what you think.”

With that admission, the dam you had built around your heart threatened to burst, emotions flooding to the surface. And as you stepped back, you saw the light in his eyes dim, the realization dawning that you were once again retreating into the safety of denial. You were leaving him behind, and deep down, you both knew this wasn’t just a choice about your careers; it was about the love that had once burned so brightly between you, a flame that had now been snuffed out by fear.

As you turned away, the ache of unfulfilled potential tugged at your heart, the weight of your decision pressing down like an anchor, dragging you back into the depths of despair. You had chased that high, the thrill of the case, the adrenaline of the hunt, but now you were left with the hollow echo of what could have been.

With each step you took away from him, you felt the freedom you had sought slip through your fingers, leaving behind only the shadows of a love unclaimed. You were born insatiable, nothing you could have would fill that hunger. The city around only stirred you. As you stood on the edge of broadway and worth, teetering between love and loss, you light a cig and took a long drag.

“I love you, I’m sorry”

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #cm fic #spencer reid angst #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubbler x reader #mgg x reader #spencer reid criminal minds #bau team #dr spencer reid #doctor spencer reid

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