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[mammonsdabloon]

Obey Me! as my quote book #2

Warnings: swearing, nsfw-ish? Really just vulgar jokes

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Mammon: “DID I-? Holy shit I just got a paper cut from a McDonald’s fries container.”

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Asmo: “how you gon have no green card OR v-card? 😐”

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Mammon: “I wish coffee made my day better. Instead, I cry over how much I spent on said coffee as I drink it.”

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Levi: “people with depression are like legos, they break down or they stick together.”

Solomon: “secret third option where they break down together :).”

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Belphie: “oooo look a caprisun!”

Beel: “that’s mine I claimed it.”

Belphie: “since when?”

Beel: “since a few days ago.”

moments later

Beel, in demon form: “BITCH YOU HAD YOUR SHARE.”

Belphie: “bitch you know you gotta chug when it’s a caprisun.”

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Lucifer: “put your phone away before I have to start killing people.”

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Lucifer: “fucking mammon.”

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Solomon: “oh! It was mr krabs birthday yesterday!”

MC, on the verge of tears: “wHy dO yoU kNoW thAt?!”

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Thirteen: “ITS ALWAYS THE PEOPLE THAT BLAST THEIR MUSIC ON BIG ASS SPEAKERS THAT GOT THE WORST MUSIC TASTE!”

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Satan: “I’m trying to be a good person….it’s failing miserably.”

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Thirteen to Solomon: “that man is a fuckin’ ODDITY.”

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Lucifer: “I’m gonna be 52 when I turn 18.”

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Beel: “you have more water at home.”

Luke: “actually no I don’t that was our last bottle.”

Belphie: “you got a sink right?”

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Solomon: “are you one of them queerrrssss”

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Everyone (except raph 😭) with Solomon’s food: “THIS TASTE LIKE HOPSCOTCH AND LARGO MEDICAL.”

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Solomon: “Lucifer, bestie.”

Asmo: *GASP*

Asmo: “YOU MOTHERFUCKER.”

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Satan: “BELPHIE! My favorite quiet kid!”

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Levi: “SEIIEJDJEJDKDJWJDBJDE I- I- I AM GOING TO PUNCH. A. DONKEYYYY.”

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Luke: “I JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW FUCKING TALL LUCIFER IS. IMA YOINK HIM. IMA YOINK HIS HEIGHT.”

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Levi: “I DONT SEND HIM DICK PICS ON PLAYSTATION!”

Satan: “YES YOU DO.”

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Beel: “I drank bong water.”

Belphie: “you drank bong water…?”

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Solomon: “Master has given dobby legal documents!”

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Lucifer to Mammon: “I need you to stop infecting my fucking vocabulary.”

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Solomon: “does anyone have any water that isn’t watered down?”

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Levi, about life: “I don’t like this arc.”

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Asmo: “I know 💕”

Mephisto: “don’t you fucking 💕 me.”

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Raphael: *rises from the dead* “I am, Abraham Lincoln.”

Thirteen: “WHAT? WTF DOES THAT MEAN?? YOU RISE FROM THE DEAD AND THINK OF A FUCKING PENNY?!”

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Mammon: “g’s are weird in words ok! Fuck you and your luigi words.”

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Belphie, laying on the floor: “the party, is down here.”

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Belphie: “adoption is just abandonment with extra steps”

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Mammon: “….nice weather...”

Barbatos: “….that’s a light.”

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Diavolo: “I was so astonished I threw a piece of cheese at him”

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Lucifer: “my little brother just called hitler the president of Russia”

Simeon: “good, he knows his algebra! :D”

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Asmo: “sperm flavored lemon. Yummy.”

Solomon: “OMG. THAT SHOULD BE A SLUSHY FLAVOR.”

Asmo and Solomon: “SPERM SLUSHY”

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yes i let luke say fuck he deserves that right he deserves to be able to go apeshit

[mammonsdabloon]

Obey Me! as my quote book #1

Warnings: nothing really except swearing

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Luke: “What’s grooming?”

Simeon: “it’s cleaning, like bathing a dog.”

Solomon: “it’s also a felony!”

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Belphie: “cloud cum.”

Lucifer: “it’s water.”

Belphie: “….cloud cum.”

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Belphie: “bitch right now I can’t even remember my name I think it’s like Jessica or something.”

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Diavolo, at 1AM: “I would like to learn how to yodel.”

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Belphie: “LET ME SLEEP IN PEACE. I SAID OYASUMI THAT MEANS GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP.”

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Simeon: “you can’t dive head first or you’ll hurt your head and DIE.”

Luke: “well I’ve never died in my entire life!”

Simeon: *trying not to laugh*

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Mammon: “I’ll call you back, a plane just crashed into my car.”

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Thirteen: *takes pill out of tits* “I’m like a pez dispenser.”

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Mammon, in a box: “Hi! Say it back!”

Lucifer: “do I look like I want to say it back?”

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MC: *holds penny*

Satan: “don’t you dare throw Abraham Lincoln at me.”

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Random news article: “black holes may not be black, or even holes.”

Mammon: “THEN WHAT ARE THEY??? WHITE SQUARES?? PURPLE TRIANGLES??!”

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Satan: “you built like a sixteenth note.”

Lucifer: “….”

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Mammon: “think of it as your initiation.”

MC: “being told you’re a piece of shit?”

Mammon: “yeah!”

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Literally everyone to Solomon: “no I am convinced you are not human you have to be some kinda fucking NPC!”

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Solomon: “how to claim your soda: put a glow stick in it! No one else is doing that.”

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MC, over the phone: “what’re you doing?”

Satan: “watching the scooby doo movie half asleep…”

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Levi: “cremate me and put me in a salt shaker.”

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Asmo: “ushy gushy my puss-“

Levi: “stop.”

Asmo: “no.”

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MC: “set your heart ablaze.”

Levi: “STOP.”

MC: “yeah, that’s a great story title.”

Levi: “STOP IT.”

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Thirteen: “bro give me Solomon’s address so I can go to his crusty ass residence.”

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Barbatos: “does anyone have scissors?”

Diavolo: “scissors?”

Barbatos: “never mind I have a knife.”

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Lucifer: “Mario is a 40yr old man who lives in his mothers basement.”

Levi: “….”

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Barbatos: “my new students are equipped with flamethrowers.”

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Beel: “when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. Or make orange juice and make everyone wonder how you did it.”

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Asmo: “why would I bring indoor kids outside.”

Levi: “Asmo, out of all the things to do in the summer why would you play OUTSIDE??”

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Mephisto: “I am not trying to cosplay as roadkill on a sunday evening.”

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Raphael: “it doesn’t take much convincing you’d be surprised at how much you can have me do.”

Luke: “can you do a cartwheel?”

Solomon: “can you be my hit man?”

Raphael: “YES.”

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there will be more 👁️👁️