memyselfaine

[memyselfaine]

The key.

She never did tell me how he proposed. Fifty-seven years married, ten years a widow and ninety years old.

Despite the growing numbers there was nothing wrong with her memory. His started to fray near the edges at the end. But she was nowhere near her end, and neither were her memories.

So easily would she divulge stories of days past. Old jobs, random visitors, how life was back then.

Yes, the stories were of old experiences but they were rarely personal. Rarely truly hers.

I’ve asked many times. I’ve asked where they first met, how he proposed and all the in-betweens but the subject is quickly changed and I get offered more scones with a giggle. Almost like when a child becomes overcome with shyness and won’t tell you about the trophy in his hand.

Her memory is perfect. And perhaps this memory is itself perfect too. Perhaps by not saying it aloud she can hold onto every inch of it and protect it. If it’s not out in the open air it cannot be harmed. My lips are sealed. Turn the lock and throw away the key.

Perhaps my theories are rubbish. Maybe the story isn’t as elaborate as I’ve imagined and maybe it’s not worth telling at all. But if my theories are right I wish that I too will have memories at ninety years old that are too precious to share with even the youngest of my grandchildren.

[memyselfaine]

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard - W.P.

Malta.  An island in the Mediterranean between Sicily and Africa. An island with a population of approximately 400,000. A place I never imagined I would call my home.

Rewind to over a year ago. Sitting in sociology a guest lecturer revealed to us the possibility of a non-language Erasmus, open to all Arts students except those doing the BA with Journalism. I.e. me. Like teasing a dog with a treat and then putting him outside in the cold, treatless.

I wasn’t happy with my course. Everything journalism related on my C.V. came about from my own doing. Sure, stating that journalism was part of my degree helped me get my foot in the door to some places, but the skills I presented were certainly acquired on my own.

I submitted my application with a very strong letter stating that I would be willing to give up the journalism aspect of my degree for the opportunity to study in China (my number one choice at the time.) Sent and forgotten. Weeks passed and the thought of potentially packing my bags to begin a yearlong adventure soon became a constant distraction.

I finally received a response. I was refused. They reiterated that this study abroad scheme was only open to those who did not study Journalism. I repeated that I was willing to drop journalism. I was ignored.

So I wrote to the head of Erasmus when she also refused me. Weeks went by and I believed I had been ignored once more and I grew impatient and annoyed. Until I received a call to come to a meeting. I explained my choices and was surprisingly overcome with emotion as a described how unhappy I was in a course I had so many hopes for. Malta was the last on my list of three choices, excluding China. Nothing against Malta, it was just a country I had overlooked.

Until I was accepted. Although determined in my emails to drop journalism the reality was quite scary. After so many weeks of crying and making pros and cons lists and arguing with myself over the right choice, I finally made one.

Now it’s well over a year since I’ve made that decision and its undoubtedly one of the best ones I have ever made. Cheesy as it may seem I have learned more about myself this year than I have ever done. I have conquered fears and become much more confident in my opinions, my beliefs and myself.

Malta has taught me to stand on my own two feet when there are no familiar faces around. To speak up for myself in situations where I would have previously backed down. To grow valuable opinions and to skip small talk in favour of impressionable conversations and friendships.

I have met people from all backgrounds, cultures and walks of life and each person along the way has taught me that there is something to be learnt from everyone you meet. Whether that’s learning fun things like how to make sushi and German soccer songs or more serious things like politics or simply knowing when to apologize or argue back.

I travelled solo for the first time (a one-hour plane journey to your brother in Leeds does not count), and although I had one familiar face from the moment I hopped in the first taxi, I got to experience a new country on my own without friends and family holding my hands.

I’ve zip-lined, abseiled, scuba dived, rock-climbed, gone horse-riding, cliff jumped, went flyboarding (google it, I had to), saw Annie Mac live, worked in a wine&cheese bar, learned Photoshop and even took up running and started eating vegetables, which if you know me is more surprising than any of those things put together!

I’ve been to Rome twice with people from all over Europe, I’ve lost my passport in Brussels, partied in Ghent, stayed in strange hostels in Amsterdam, explored Bruges, got surprised with a trip to Milan, danced sober with strangers in the streets of Venice and celebrated Patrick’s day with the Irish Ambassador in Malta.

It’s been the best (almost) nine months of life. Of course there has been some minor lows like missing my best friend’s graduation or having to go home for sad reasons. I’ve had skype calls with my Grandmother where I haven’t said more than 5 sentences because I’m too busy crying like a baby. And there was a long few weeks at the beginning of this semester where Justin Bieber’s “Sorry” would have many of the semester 1 students missing there new found friends.

Yes, there have been sad points but too few to dampen this experience in the slightest.

With just over a month left (potentially longer if I don’t hurry up and book a flight) I had been thinking that it wouldn’t be so hard leaving. I had thought that having said the toughest goodbyes back in January that June would be a breeze. Well after using this blog as a form of procrastination I’ve come to realize that I’ve underestimated the impact that this beautiful island has had on my heart, and will forever have in my life.

The tan may fade, but the memories will last a lifetime!

-Awny

xo

[memyselfaine]

St Anton's garden #malta #erasmus #sky #tree #nature #sun @lovemalta

[memyselfaine]

Silema 🌟 #malta #erasmus #adventure @lovemalta

[memyselfaine]

#gopro #gharlapsi #malta @lovemalta

[memyselfaine]

Restoration of St. Paul's cathedral #valetta #malta

[memyselfaine]

Celebrating my 21st with a day of surfing and exploring 🌟 #twinnywan #lahinch #surf #clare #sun #birthday

[memyselfaine]

Sharing my 21st with the best friend any one could ask for was truly a night to remember 🌟 thanks everyone for coming out and all the cards and presents - ye are a very sound bunch 😘 special thanks has to go to @maryrosekelly for the beautiful cake 👌 lots of love xo

[memyselfaine]

A full page interview in The Topic this week with Bressie. Looking forward to reading Me and My Mate Jeffrey. Can't believe I have a full page in the newspaper, let alone that it was an interview I did with Bressie. The 15 year old brace face The Blizzards fab in me is screaming on the inside. 😅😍 #journalist #interview #bressie #meandmymatejeffrey #mentalhealth #suicideawarenessday

[memyselfaine]

Brussels #nofilterneeded

[memyselfaine]

Brussels

[memyselfaine]

One of my latest interviews with the hilarious Ken Delaney who managed to blag his way to meeting Conor Mcgregor #TheWestmeathTopic #legend #westmeath #topic #mcgregor #vegas #ufc #yopwestmeath #charm

[memyselfaine]

Selling a few bits over on my new depop account. More to come in the next few days 🌟 just search awny94 and hit like on pieces you're interested in ;) 👌 #depop #fashion #dresses #photography #irish

[memyselfaine]

The Emotional Rollercoaster of College Exams.

You're doomed! Well not quite, but it is exam season. Unfortunately boasting about how many jager you skulled last night, or how kept up with the Kardashians you are isn't going to help.

 Hopefully you have a bit of cramming time still ahead of you, I however, have already experienced the emotional turmoil of exam halls this year. Seeing as you're already procrastinating you may as well find out what’s in store this exam season.

The emotional rollercoaster of college exams;

1.    Oh holy god.

Its exam morning and the man above is the only one who can help you now. Even your mother has sent a text letting you know the prayers have been said and granny is lighting a candle as we speak.

Best get a good word in now – may need it if your mom kills you when she sees the results.

2.    Pumped.

With only a few hours left before you're scribbling away, there really is no point in panicking any longer. Instead of getting some precious flashcard revision done you've more important things on your mind. All of a sudden, all the energy that you've been lacking during study week arrives at your feet and your feeling pumped and ready for the day. Cue the longest shower of your life, the best make-up you've ever done, and your first breakfast of the year.

3.    Walk of shame.

Unfortunately this walk of shame follows some late night study rather than late night “antics”. As you present your student card to the inspector and past all the invigilators, it can all feel a bit like making it back to your apartment after a night out. A few stares here and there from fellow students, wondering how late you stayed up last night. Turn that walk of shame into the Stride of pride and go get that exam!

4.    The Fear.

The answer sheet is in front of you, and your “ever-so-kind” classmate has just informed you that the question you’ve bet your whole course on, isn’t guaranteed to come up. It’s time to block him/her out and focus on artfully drawing your student ID number. Distraction is key to mask the fear. Maybe not ideal when you’re about to launch into a two hour essay, but hey, at least you might save yourself a public meltdown.

5.    Begin.

The man with the microphone announces the beginning of the race but yet there’s no exam in front of you at all. All you can hear is the shuffling of papers and suddenly it doesn't feel like breakfast was such a good thought after all. Finally the paper is right in front of you. “Should I look? If I don’t look I don’t have to start, and sure if I don’t start it means I don’t have to do it at all.” But you start, because, well, you’d fail otherwise muppet.

6.    Nosey.

Despite what the invigilator thinks, you’re not cheating, you’re simply looking at how much other people are writing. You don’t care what their scribbling, you just want to know if Jimmy really is only writing one page like he said he would. He lied. Jimmy’s five pages in while you’ve spent the first ten minutes picking your split ends. Curiosity really did kill the cat.

7.    Bathroom break.

Ah freedom is close and the bell rings to signify the first hour. You decide you need a break from Jimmy’s frantic scribbling and mumbling so away to the bathroom you go. It’s not the relaxing walk to the loo you had hoped, considering there’s a lady in a hi-vis jacket following you there and waiting outside the cubicle. Bit of privacy please love?

8.    Make or break.

After that somewhat traumatizing trip to the toilet, you prepare yourself for the final hurdle. You’ve sussed which questions are grand and which are not and you’re ready to tackle them all. Suddenly the mind block from earlier has disappeared and you’re writing down words you never even knew you knew. Take that Jimmy and your stupid five pages. Qualitynot Quantity and all that jazz.

9.    Drained.

“Your time is now up, put down your pens and remain seated.” A massive sigh goes over the exam hall and you can feel your whole body deflate – all that writing is hard work, even more so when you haven’t used a pen and paper since your last exam. You really should ask your exam neighbour how they did, you know politeness and that, but that takes too much energy. Its nap time and you mustn't be disturbed.

10. Finito

Hallelujah! Whether you’re crying tears of joy or sadness right now doesn’t really matter. YOU’RE FINISHED. It’s time to burn the books and head to college bar ASAP. (Well maybe don’t burn the book, it did cost you 30 beans after all. But let’s stick with the dramatic imagery) Ring your mom, ring your friends, and tell the world you’re finally free. Freedom might simply mean binging on Netflix, but at least now its guilt free. Enjoy.

[memyselfaine]

Check out my latest Retro Rewind column in SIN newspaper, featuring the wonderful makeup blogger Gracey O’Connell’s makeup tips. Be sure to peek at the style spotted on NUIG campus also in the “StyleSpotter” section

Hoping to continue something similar to my Retro Rewind Column here on my blog so let me know if you guys would be interested in reading it.

- Awny xo

[memyselfaine]

-Life is a fashion show and the world is your runway-

A few behind the scenes shots from NUIG’s Style Soc fashion shoot. Had so much fun meeting everyone and looking forward to the fashion show this thursday.

The show takes place Thursday the 19th at44 Club Galway in association with Roza Modelling Agency.

Tickets for the fashion show are just €5 and are available from the Socsbox or from any committee member. Its going to be an amazing night.

-Awny xo

[memyselfaine]

My first attempt at camera work :) enjoy...