merthwyn

[merthwyn]

To add to that, I learn the hard way what it means to break the cycle because 1) you suffer as you face opposition from the world and especially your compromised family to a point that you feel like an orphan around them and b) the process of recalling memories and information about your and your family's life is extremely painful.

Maybe this is some of the reasons why many people are afraid to break the cycle. I understand that. But, still, they have no right to force others into this damn cycle.

I've been talking for years about how crucial it is for people to break the cycle and the generational curses. Until I realised that, with my way of living, I am actually one of those breaking the cycle. My grandma cut my mum's wings. My mum, once the rebel kid with dreams and aspirations, became so compromised that she's trying to cut my wings. My sister, also once the rebel kid, now is following my mum's steps, that of compromise and convenience, and she also tries to sabotage me. And then there is me, the once quiet and convenient kid, who's now the black sheep. Because I choose to break the cycle.

It has been almost a year since I realised that this applies to my life, that I'm actually fighting against generational curses and unhealthy habits. I've been the rebel kid since 2013. But this year I understood why. It's not just me following my dreams instead of my family's expectations. It's actually me doing what my mum and sister once wanted to do but got defeated because they were afraid to break the cycle.

Every time I think about it I grieve for them because I've seen the women they would have become if they had chosen to break the cycle. And I grieve also because, instead of them being encouraging and happy for me, they try to drug me where they currently are. I do pray that, one day they will also choose to break the cycle. Until then, I have to live with the fact that my family are just family by blood only.

[merthwyn]

[merthwyn]

I did laugh when I passed by this wall painting, I'm not gonna lie 😅

[merthwyn]

Sits on your dash

[merthwyn]

Advice from Saint John Chrysostom to Saint Olympias for combatting despair

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I hate how "abandonment issues" and other "issues" terms are only ever used to demean and punish as if it were their own fault they ended up this way. As if they don't constantly endure circumstantial proof that they're only going to be betrayed and abandoned over and over and over again.

[merthwyn]

I've been talking for years about how crucial it is for people to break the cycle and the generational curses. Until I realised that, with my way of living, I am actually one of those breaking the cycle. My grandma cut my mum's wings. My mum, once the rebel kid with dreams and aspirations, became so compromised that she's trying to cut my wings. My sister, also once the rebel kid, now is following my mum's steps, that of compromise and convenience, and she also tries to sabotage me. And then there is me, the once quiet and convenient kid, who's now the black sheep. Because I choose to break the cycle.

It has been almost a year since I realised that this applies to my life, that I'm actually fighting against generational curses and unhealthy habits. I've been the rebel kid since 2013. But this year I understood why. It's not just me following my dreams instead of my family's expectations. It's actually me doing what my mum and sister once wanted to do but got defeated because they were afraid to break the cycle.

Every time I think about it I grieve for them because I've seen the women they would have become if they had chosen to break the cycle. And I grieve also because, instead of them being encouraging and happy for me, they try to drug me where they currently are. I do pray that, one day they will also choose to break the cycle. Until then, I have to live with the fact that my family are just family by blood only.

[merthwyn]

The worst proof of the fact that Machines have overpowered Man is this:

Even AI can create a beautiful picture full of life and emotions if you tell it to do so. On the contrary, people are becoming more and more lifeless and emotionless, more and more like robots being operated in autopilot. They despise creativity, innocence, imagination, joy, craziness and life and discourage and sabotage those who go against the current and choose to not be living deads.

AI images have more life than humans do. A lifeless thing by nature like AI has overpowered the creature whom God made in His image and in whom He breathed life.

That's sad and scary, if not demonic.

Don't just fight against AI. Fight against the general abolition and robotisation of Man. This has started way before AI was even a thought.

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“They’re trying to convince people they can’t do the things they’ve been doing easily for years – to write emails, to write a presentation. Your daughter wants you to make up a bedtime story about puppies – to write that for you.” We will get to the point, she says with a grim laugh, “that you will essentially become just a skin bag of organs and bones, nothing else. You won’t know anything and you will be told repeatedly that you can’t do it, which is the opposite of what life has to offer. Capitulating all kinds of decisions like where to go on vacation, what to wear today, who to date, what to eat. People are already doing this. You won’t have to process grief, because you’ll have uploaded photos and voice messages from your mother who just died, and then she can talk to you via AI video call every day. One of the ways it’s going to destroy humans, long before there’s a nuclear disaster, is going to be the emotional hollowing-out of people.”

Justine Bateman on AI in this article from The Guardian

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@arcenciel-par-une-larme

Truro, England (by Dom Haughton)

[merthwyn]

I think parents don't understand how punishing a child isn't for when they make you upset, it's for when they do something wrong. Like, you don't just punish them for stress relief, it's so they can learn right from wrong.

So if your kid learns, for example, that helping mom make dinner = getting in the way, but not helping = being lazy, but asking if mom needs help = being annoying and asking stupid questions, then you have basically trained a person to see the only option that doesn't lead to scolding as 'hide and don't be thought of until dinner is done'. So now what relationship is your kid going to have with cooking or cleaning or chores in general? How is that going to affect them as an adult?

If there is no right answer regarding the things that bother a parent, then your kid is going to associate those things with being punished no matter what they do. If talking during a car ride is bad and annoying, but being quiet and staring out the window is bad and disrespectful, then what are they going to do every time they're in the car with you but count every word they say? If texting is suspicious, but why don't they have friends, but going out with people is irresponsible, but why don't they ever leave their room, but their friends are all bad influences, but why did they stop hanging out with them, they were nice kids, then what are you even doing?

If playing video games is lazy, going outside is unsafe, playing is ignoring chores and doing chores is being in the way, then YOU'VE CREATED A CHILD WHO'S LEARNED THE ONLY WAY TO AVOID BEING SCOLDED IS TO DISAPPEAR WHENEVER YOU'RE IN A BAD MOOD! You've created a person who is hardwired to feel guilty no matter what they choose to do. You turned them into a confrontation ninja, who can vanish as soon as a hard conversation enters the picture. You've trained a person to disregard why rules exist and instead focus on who they can placate and suck up to in order to make the rules change. Because to them, rules and punishments are just who gets on the bosses nerves at the wrong time.

[merthwyn]

And by “believe in God” I mean “trust in God” because demons have belief and I ain’t try a be them.

[merthwyn]

Update: My application got rejected.

It would have been easier if I had to deal with just the disappointment of this outcome. However, my mental health issues, the beliefs that I'm not allowed to enjoy anything and I'm only here to be everyone's punch bag (given that the only places and relationships I stayed longer than wanted were/are abusive, including my current job), are screaming inside my head.

Just pray I won't give up entirely. I'm literally this close to just end my life. And, no, the rejection of my application is not the reason for it. It's just the last straw.

I would appreciate your prayers regarding a job I applied for. It has to do with food quality control and new product development. I used to work in something similar and I realised that this is sector is ideal for me.

When I got into hospitality I thought that, if I want to stay here, my only option is to work evenings, weekends and holidays in busy understaffed restaurants that pay basically nothing. But, after I got that job which had to do with food quality control and sensory evaluation, I realised that there are more options out there, even within hospitality. And this particular option is absolutely fascinating.

If I get this job, I'll be finally working in a sector I love and be paid a decent salary. Also, who knows, maybe in the future I'll have more chances to move to the States permanently. I don't know, I guess I'll have more chances to get a visa as a food technologist than as a cook or a barista.

So, please, keep me in your prayers!

[merthwyn]

Please do your best to protect this solidity and good kind of craziness and pass it on to the next generations. I live in England, and unfortunately, it's solidity and craziness is on life support (if not dead already). People here are lifeless machines who have killed their child inside them and replace it with an emotionless, miserable, two faced, manager-like figure. And, unfortunately I see this passed on to their children. I work in a school and most of the children don't act like children. It's scary. I'm sure there are exceptions, but as I said, they are exceptions. I met some of these exceptions and they also see the problem as clearly as I do.

No, I am not like those who idolise and romanticise the past. England was never perfect. But in the old days you could at least see a balance between good and evil. I don't see that today.

When I visited family in the States a month ago, I only saw a glimpse of what you describe. And I absolutely loved it. It also reminded me of my home country as we have a similar kind of craziness. My home country is a hot mess btw. But people are still solid.

I don't know if England is for me anymore. I really don't. And I don't want to just say I don't care and leave. I grieve a lot.

Lord knows that the United States has and continues to commit atrocities. I can't justify that. And the current political situation here is scary as hell. But I love this place. I love the Atlantic Ocean and New York City and the Pacific Northwest. I love my Blue Ridge Mountains with my whole entire heart. I love cardinals and mockingbirds and kudzu and possums and black rat snakes and the way the woods smell in the mornings. 

I love that Americans are known for complimenting strangers. I love that we fry everything, and that we do it well. I love 12-foot-high plastic Halloween skeletons in people’s yards and tacky Christmas lights that stay up too long. I love that we are an unabashedly goofy people.

I love bluegrass music. I love stepping. I love that there are always folklorico dancers in my town’s Mardi Gras parade. I love that my town has a Mardi Gras parade, even though most people here aren’t Catholic or French and didn’t grow up with any kind of Carnivale tradition. I love that if "Livin On A Prayer" comes on a pizzeria, at least one person at each table won't be able to stop themselves from singing along. I love that the middle school gym shakes to the rafters when families cheer for THEIR baby finishing eighth grade and that they bring balloons and bouquets and flower garlands to celebrate.

I love the 80 year old couple at our local No Kings protest. I love all the little kids there with their families, too. I love the brass band that always shows up at protests here and plays old union songs and gospel music. I cry like a damn baby every time I hear “Lift Ev’ry Voice and Sing.”

This country is horrible and selfish and destructive, but it’s also wonderful and kind and full of people loving and fighting and trying to make things better. And the people saying that there’s only one kind of real American, and that if you don’t look like they do or talk like they do or think like they do, then you don’t count, those people can go pound sand. I’m as real American as they come, and those people aren’t the only ones who get to love our country.

[merthwyn]

"This grass is an icon; this stone is an icon; and I can kiss it, venerate it, because it is filled with God’s grace. The world is not for us to take things from, but a place where we cast off our passions and desires." - St Paisios

[merthwyn]

I would appreciate your prayers regarding a job I applied for. It has to do with food quality control and new product development. I used to work in something similar and I realised that this is sector is ideal for me.

When I got into hospitality I thought that, if I want to stay here, my only option is to work evenings, weekends and holidays in busy understaffed restaurants that pay basically nothing. But, after I got that job which had to do with food quality control and sensory evaluation, I realised that there are more options out there, even within hospitality. And this particular option is absolutely fascinating.

If I get this job, I'll be finally working in a sector I love and be paid a decent salary. Also, who knows, maybe in the future I'll have more chances to move to the States permanently. I don't know, I guess I'll have more chances to get a visa as a food technologist than as a cook or a barista.

So, please, keep me in your prayers!

[merthwyn]

The Bible is also very clear and very strict regarding loving your neighbour and caring for those who suffer. And those "sinless Christians" who are telling us off seem to forget that.

Just because I struggle with fear and anxiety as if they are ripping the oxygen from my lungs does not mean I am a Christian without Christ. Getting told that today screwed me up. Just because I know Jesus and follow Him doesn’t mean my brain just magically gets healed of all of my problems. My seizures fucking hurt and I have had 4 this week. My brain tumor makes my hormones insane. I’m fucking scared of EVERYTHING because I have been since I was a child getting the shit beaten out of me by every step mother that my dad married. I’m sorry I’m not the bread and butter perfect little “YAY DEATH” Christian. I’m sorry if death scares me and so do people who can kill me. I know the Bible tells me that’s a sin and I’m sorry I can’t be perfect.