minzis

[minzis]

Atonement

Art Credits: The Ludovisi Ares by Lysippus

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━⊱༒︎ A Shigaraki One-Shot༒︎⊰━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Summary: Leading the life as a vigilante, an offer comes from Shigaraki asking you to join the League. After hesitantly accepting to join hoping to find solace and family in the League you find yourself drawn to the same man who brought you in. He can’t be all that bad right?

Tags: 7.1k, Dead Dove: do not eat, no mentions of gender, heavy angst, mentions of violence, blood, hurt/no comfort. Listen it’s gonna be sad through and through so yeah💜

Authors Note: I’M BACKKKK and more hurtful than ever, honestly though I have no excuses besides having no idea what to write. I have like multiple drafts with lots of writing just can’t find the words to actually FINISH it. But I’ve had this odd urge and need to write a fic for my baby Shigaraki so you’re welcome.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Your knife swished through the air drops of blood drawing down his cheek from the gash left behind. You flipped and twisted the knife back towards his throat, the sharpened blade just inches from sinking into his flesh. Your movement only stopped as his hand caught your throat in an iron grip. His fingers sat tightened around your throat, a single one kept up.

“Seems we’re at a stalemate,” he spoke in his raspy voice.

Sure he could kill you but it wouldn’t be fast enough to stop the rush of your knife. Your knife gleamed with a light shine from the flickering light of the streetlight. Knuckles turning white from the grip you had on the base of the knife. You wanted to press the blade into his skin. To see him bleed and finally call all this petty fighting to a close. You knew how to kill, craved to kill but it’s not what hero’s do. Who are you to play god? Who are you to decide who lives and dies just because someone was deemed oh so evil.

He was evil though, despicable even. He’s the starring villain in all the stories parents tell their kids about to keep them from acting out. He is the so-called boogeyman that stalks in shadows plotting and meticulously planning out the pieces of his game. The same stories that’ll create a hero’s image in a young child’s mind, of what right and wrong looks like.

God the man even smelt of white lilies and death, the smell was nearly suffocating. Just how many people have died at the same hands sitting around your throat.

“Then we’ll both die here,” you spoke through angry gritted teeth. It was only natural for the hero to sacrifice themselves for the greater good. That’s what being a hero is isn’t it? Putting others needs and wants before your own cause how dare you decide that you’re more important. Maybe that’s why he always drew your attention, not simply hatred but that burning and itching curiosity. His selfishness to always feed on his own indulgent needs. To be able to kill and not have a single worrying thought of whether it would affect your status as a hero.

His laugh was loud and harsh echoing in your ears leaving a light ringing. His eyes sharpened looking over your expression before suddenly releasing his grasp. The movement surprised you assuming this had to be another psychological tactic, a quirk isn’t always the most powerful weapon in one’s arsenal. You didn’t move your knife at first until you heard the sounds of sirens and helicopters closing in. The single second it took you to glance away he was already gone by time you looked back. The streetlight above you flickered, the only sign he had been here was his dried blood on your hands.

“Fucking psycho.”

The days after were almost custom made to drive you insane, cause you were just seeing things. No you couldn’t have seen him, maybe he was really back to finish the job. Sometimes you could’ve sworn you spotted him out in the crowd, his aspen blue hair peeking from underneath the hood. His eyes met yours briefly followed by the light smile and within a blink he was gone.

You couldn’t even go to the station and tell them what had happened because that meant telling them why you were out there that night. Being a fucking vigilante like you even had right. But with a quirk like yours there wasn’t much the hero agencies wanted to do with you, at least for good reasons. You weren’t even all that special if anything you were more brute strength over quirk. I mean honestly what the hell are you supposed to do with erasing memories through physical touch? It doesn’t stop you from getting hit in fights, so you learned to be more quick on your feet. The oddest thing is how many people often came to you asking to forget someone or something.

“I just want to forget that asshole.”

“Well you could just rid me of everything I know about her!”

The list of reasons was endless but people fail to remember the brain may forget but the heart doesn’t. It can’t still ache without remembrance, the heart always knows. So often you tried to tell people after the memories are gone you could never give them back. Many people’s memories were stored in your own mind, that you could never give them back but people’s decisions remained an admit yes.

The power couldn’t even be well used in investigations because people had to willingly let you in. If you were to forcibly remove memories you could take more than you were meant to, destroy more than what was asked. You couldn’t bring yourself to continue ‘helping’ them, not after the innocent man’s life you ruined. You were just really coming to terms with your power hoping you could learn to do good with it. You were possibly no older than fourteen and asked to help extract a man’s memories to further a murder investigation of the mayor’s son.

But you were a scared teen and filled with a need to be useful, hardly knew much about your quirk yourself. You didn’t know how dangerous it could be or how deadly it could be. You did extract the memories but by a lack of knowledge and understanding you took more than needed. Leaving the man’s memories permanently out of order and jumbled, he had to be hospitalized and ultimately died unable to remember those around him.

The man had been innocent; they caught the culprit a few days later. His name was Jett Kingston, he was forced to leave behind a wife and two beautiful daughters.

Though you truly had no idea your quirk would do such a thing, the moment you were old enough to earn a living you began sending his family money. Every month on the same day his family receives from an anonymous donor and it will stay that way until you’re dead. After that incident you refused to offer any services to the police, it left you feeling sick for years to come. You weren’t even a real hero, just some vigilante with an odd sense of justice. Mostly catching pesky criminals that the police were too busy or unbothered to catch.

You could never be a hero, it was a title you believed you’d never deserve. Hero’s are saints, the good and best parts of the world. You had destroyed a family’s world and that was something you’d never forgive yourself for. So maybe as some way to pay back a never ending debt you started your vigilante endeavors.

The people knew of your name but kept your name unspoken and mouths shut because you did enough good for the smaller folk. At the least to a handful of people you were a hero, you never asked for anything in return. Despite your refusals of anything in return people often left small gifts at your door, food baskets, coupons to their restaurants, whatever they could offer in their unfortunate circumstances just as a thank you. That did feel good, you didn’t need the whole world to think of you as a hero. You already had your good of people and that was okay, it was enough.

It was late as you were coming home with some groceries for the month. You brought in another basket left by your door, grumbling as you set everything down on the counter. You mentally scratched off all the things you still had to do for tomorrow. There was an older couple you needed to help out with their shop. You flipped on some lights as you moved throughout your kitchen.

You glanced towards your hardly lit dining room, you stopped in your tracks. Your eyes adjusted to the low sight, someone was sitting at the table, their fingers traced the flowers you recently put in a vase. The flowers disintegrated under their touch, your face grimaced with a mix of disgust and fear. This fuck was in your house, he broke into your house.

“Been looking for you for a minute, you’re hard to keep track of,” he spoke softly, turning to face you. You turned away, continuing to put your groceries away. Not tonight, you were tired and starving.

“Shigaraki get the hell out of my house, I don’t feel like fighting tonight, come find me tomorrow,” you muttered, throwing out some old food from the fridge. He didn’t respond for a moment, his finger tapped lightly on the table as he thought.

“Not here to fight you, just a few questions,” he spoke tone unchanging, the chair scraping against the floor as he stood up. He pushed the chair back into its place before approaching you. An annoyed sigh fell from your lips after finishing putting everything away, “a phone call or text would suffice, breaking and entering is an odd way to have to question someone.”

“Would you have answered a call from me?”

“Probably not.”

“Well then you see why I’m here now don’t you?”

You didn’t respond as you turned to him, folding your arm in-front of your chest. He laughed despite nothing being funny.

“Why are you a vigilante?” He asked bluntly, his tone seemingly genuinely curious. You blinked at him wondering over your response. There were plenty of reasons but you already knew the main reason.

“To atone,” you said blankly, a response almost too quick. He perked up at the words he moved to speak but stopped.

“A vigilante with a hero complex, how typical,” you could tell by the look on his face he knew there was meant to be more to your statement. He also knew there was no point in asking questions that were meant to stay unanswered. It went the same when he introduced you to the rest of the league.

You picked through your thoughts hoping to find some logical reason as to why you bothered following him, why you bothered trusting a word he said. You didn’t, it didn’t take a detective to realize all he ever spoke with was lies. The other members didn’t bother asking questions, it genuinely surprised you how you were merely welcomed with open arms.

What an odd crew of misfits, the thought made you chuckle. Here you were sitting in a room with a bunch of wanted criminals having a drink like it was a normal evening. You were hesitant in following him when he offered you a spot in the league. It was more concerning why he didn’t think you wouldn’t run to the hero’s with all this new found info. Unless he already knew everything about you from the beginning, of course you couldn’t run to the hero’s being you ran from those exact people years ago.

You sipped your drink, the glass lightly thudding against the wooden counter after you sat it down. Toga was currently chatting your ear off over various subjects. Not that you minded, she seemed like a sweet enough kid. She could’ve been but it seemed everyone here was dealt a shit hand and did what they needed to survive. They all would’ve been really amazing heros if only someone had given a shit before it was too late.

You had hoped hatred like this would never find you, that you would never be suffocated by a forever suffering loss similar to theirs. Everyone here has suffered a horrible loss or abandonment because of something they couldn’t change. These weren’t horrible and villainous people, they were all kids who were hurt by the same system that was setup to help them. Anybody would be sick with anger and resentment, you wondered how they all could even laugh at all after such events. Then again having something to come back to after so long of having nothing, it’d make anyone happy.

The days turned into weeks and before you knew it your apartment had become their second home. You were sure Toga stayed at your home more than the League base. She even decorated the spare room claiming it was missing something but you were pretty sure she just wanted a place to call her own. You mostly served as a support and backup on missions. Very rarely were you called out but it didn’t matter with how often you got too see them. Even Shigaraki came around frequently, probably more than the others. Though there were often moments sat in silence, it was comforting.

Instead of being alone you could be alone together, because god forbid you claimed it was spending time together. He’d rather drop dead a million times over before calling it that, he was just ‘dropping by’ as he’d like to say. As if the others would believe you anyways that you were who he spent most of his time with, not like you’d tell a soul to begin with. It was a secret understanding you shared with him.

Maybe it was an off day the first time he showed up at your doorstep injured and bloodied. He swore up and down that he was fine yet he could barely stand on his own.

“Don’t fucking touch…” he cursed stopping himself mid sentence. You had offered to help him to the couch yet he practically yanked himself back hitting the wall in the process. “Just pull up a chair,” he said harshly, his hand pressed against his stomach. You couldn’t tell where the injuries started and ended. You dragged a chair from the dining room closer to the front door. He sat down with a pained groan, by time he blinked and opened his eyes again you were already back with a medical kit.

“Gloves,” he pointed half-hazardously at the exam gloves in the kit. You handed them to him confused until you realized he didn’t have his own on.

Oh, oh.

“Yeah of course,” your voice was soft as you worked to clean his wounds off. He slipped on the gloves before settling in the chair, you helped him slip off his jacket and shirt. Apologizing after each flinch he’d make when you accidentally pressed too hard or the antiseptic stung. It was such a shame someone as beautiful as him was such a horrible tragedy in the making, constantly writing and rewriting itself as if the first time wasn’t enough.

“It might hurt while I stitch this so please bear with me,” you wore an apologetic expression smiling despite it. He felt like being mean but it seemed a bit too much now. You numbed the area as much you could before beginning to stitch the wound.

“It’s fine nothing new,” he denoted. It upset you the lack of care he found in his own wellbeing. Dying never seemed to be a fear nor was keeping himself out of harm’s-way. If anything he happened to be more injured than uninjured.

“Learn how to dodge or something,” you muttered angrily.

“You make it sound like you care?” He replied, the sarcasm evident in his voice. He glanced down at you as you worked to stitch the gash he had along his abdomen. A new scar that’ll be added to the old and newer scars that practically covered his chest and stomach already.

You snipped the end of the thread tying it off, finally bandaging over the stitches you made. You worked as gently as you could trying to make the process easier for him. Your fingers traced the old scars without thought, face grimacing at the bigger scars. “And if I do care?” You questioned raising an eyebrow, a bit offended at the question of having simple empathy.

“Then i’d say it’s the dumbest delusion you’ve had since we met,” he laughed but it quickly died down to groaning, his hand finding his stomach again. You threw away the used supplies and put the medical kit back where you kept it.

After you finished cleaning you stopped back in front of him intending to give him a mouthful over his recklessness. But your mind couldn’t seem to push out the useless cruel words. “Why are you so…uncaring? Life shouldn’t be so meaningless,” your brows furrowed at him as you made a face he hadn’t quite seen before.

“Are you trying to insult me?”

“That’s not what I meant Tenko,” he froze at the name. His eyes flowed into a glare, of course you would figured it out. The thoughts were wiped clean as you leaned towards him, he had to be holding his breath from this distance it would’ve brushed against your face. “Please stop treating yourself as replaceable,” you whispered your words, the back of your fingers caressing his cheek. The touch was so gentle it almost hurt.

His eyes met with yours and for once he couldn’t find the words. To find some sort of reason to why he doesn’t deserve such kindness. Your face wore an expression as if you were in more pain than he was.

He lifted his hand towards your face before hesitantly pulling his hand back. Did the thought of even gloved hands touching you seem so unthinkable? “I could kill you by mere accident.”

“I know.”

“I’ve done horrible things.”

“I know.”

Your lips met with his the feeling fleeting, but he could’ve sworn it was the closest he’s ever felt to being at peace. The closest he would ever find to inner peace. It was cruel that he couldn’t even hold you in return. He could barely bring himself to hold the edge of your shirt because what if he slipped up? All it took was getting too comfortable and you’d be just gone.

He was so used to the need for destruction, the desire for wreckage that the thought of never wanting to hurt something, someone. It was a terrifying thought. If he cared, that means having something to lose, he had already lost everything that mattered and he couldn’t bear to go through that again.

“I don’t like touching the things I like,” he pulled his head back, turning his face away from yours. He let out a sharp breath he didn’t remember holding. He hated how much he cared but he hated himself even more. “It’s unfair, to not even be able to touch you without fear,” his tone broke out in honesty, a rare occurrence for a man of his stature. “You deserve someone you don’t have to be at a distance with,” he frowned, his words leaching out like a darkened abyss.

He never once spoke of that night; it was as though it never happened at all. You thought maybe things would be different, that maybe you had finally erased the line he kept drawing but each time you even hinted at that might he brushed you off. Because it was what he did best, he knew nothing other than pushing others away. Letting people in was a lot harder as opposed to just keeping everyone out.

You couldn’t help being angry, of course you knew what type of person he was. You really couldn’t help it though, he had to care enough to be upfront with you. To at the very least let you down gently, why did he even bother telling you anything at all. It was obvious there was truth behind his words, that he did care but apparently he didn’t care enough. It could’ve been that reason alone to the now never ending bickering between you more often. You were angry at him for plenty of things now, the main one being his constant drive to never let a soul get too close to him.

Maybe there were these infinite reasons, it could be justified but you couldn’t help the aching feeling of how it hurt. So it’s possible you might’ve caused more trouble out on missions, the few missions you did get to go on. Insisting on not needing his help. Disagreeing with everything he said just to aggravate him, to find some sort of reaction other than nothing at all. He’d never show anything besides a blanked expression of never ending rage towards his mission.

Oftentimes it felt like he refused to ever agree with you on anything, as if you constantly just had to be at odds. You quickly noticed how fast he’d work to destroy the small bridges you’d build to get closer. Because something just always had to be wrong if it was about you and him, if there was a you and him. But it was hard trying to convince someone so devastatingly doomed that there was still a way to crawl out the darkness that encased him.

It was just as every other time constantly at each other’s throats since agreeing to disagree was something neither of you could do. You wanted to understand why, why he couldn’t for one moment choose to have a sliver of empathy and choose to be better even if it was just a moment.

“Tomura, those were innocent people. Why must you insist on choosing the worst possible choice every single time?!?,” you yelled slamming your things down the various bags clattering down on the floor. The door shut behind you two, his footsteps soundly after yours. You turned glancing at him, voice raising quickly once more as though your complaints on the way back to the base hadn’t been enough. The base leaked of emptiness aside from the two now yelling voices that shared insults back and forth.

“Why do I always have to drag your sorry ass back from another stupid damn decision,” your fingers found the bridge of your nose, a headache slowly growing. “Well I sure didn’t ask for your help, you just keep shoving your nose in where you don’t belong,” he tilted his head at you as if curious to your insistence on remaining beside him despite everyday being a new complaint on what he was doing wrong.

“It’s clear you obviously can’t take care of yourself, you’re so reckless it’s dumb luck you haven’t died yet,” you spat out motioning towards him. He was covered in countless scars, ones that seemed to have multiplied rapidly over the few months you’ve started working with the League.

He stepped towards you, his gaze practically seething in itself, “why do you keep acting like this is new? You fucking knew when you joined how this would be,” his reply came out like a freshly sharpened blade.

“See there it is again ever so insisting you have to be this horrible fucking person,” you pointed at him frustrated. Cursing underneath your breath. You slumped against a nearby wall letting your hands fall to your sides. “Be damned if even for a moment you’re considered a good person.” You couldn’t even be sure why you were so angry with him. He had long since been upfront about the type of man he was, it was hardly ever a secret the type of person he was. He didn’t want to get better, so why did you keep trying to make him so? But you couldn’t help this persistent need to help him become something other than this picturesque villain.

“I’m no good, you know that,” he gritted his teeth almost offended by the idea of possibly even being a good person. The world had already written him off as a villainous monster, and that’s all he would ever be. He could never be any good because he’s already convinced himself he wasn’t. He’d show the world he could be worse. He stepped forward towards you, his hand hesitantly dragged across your cheek. The sudden touch in itself nearly made you jump. You didn’t think he would hurt you, he didn’t seem to have that intention even from the start. There were many times he could’ve killed you but he didn’t.

You swallowed harshly, eyeing the man in-front of you. His face was blank as he looked over you, his hands moved to cup your face. Even then his gloved hands never touched your face, they sat hovering near your face. Close enough the heat could be felt but the simple touch never came, his hands found their place back at his side.

“I could never be good to you, I promise you nothing about being with me is pretty,” his tone wasn’t soft or harsh he was simply speaking as if it was normal. It wasn’t normal, far from it but this was his normal, being with him would mean a new normal.

“I’d let you burn to watch the rest of the world go down in flames too,” his eyes weren’t widened in seriousness or a promised threat. He wasn’t even angry, it was as if he had stated the obvious. There was no emotion to his tone, it was just how he seen fit. He wouldn’t change for love, he’d sacrifice it all in a heartbeat to watch the world rile and wirth in a pile of rotted ashes. A wretched man he was.

“So, I’m not stupid I just want to help. I want to help you,” your voice was adamant and clear. The corner of his mouth twitched slightly as if he was about to smile or laugh but he didn’t. His hands squeezed into fist before releasing the tension as he stepped back. He turned his back to you leaving without a word.

Love is a nasty disease, one that means having to care, having something to lose and that was not something he was willing to disable himself with. To make himself weak and vulnerable, creating his own personal weapon to be turned against him. That was not something he’d let himself feel again because it would only end up in flames. Every single version of his story never ended with a happy ending so why should he bother taking someone else down with him, he already had his targets. You should be lucky to not be on that list too.

He said you were being bothersome the first time you two had a mission together. Despite his complaints it became a frequent occurrence of going out on missions with him. More so you having followed him a few too many times and he just decided it was easier just bringing you along over trying to convince you to go back home. Fighting alongside him came as second nature, it was easy. Your fighting styles coincided with each other, he came back with more wins and rarely ever a loss when he brought you along these missions.

Although you spent more days together than apart he still kept his distance. You liked to think it was a bit closer than before, he stopped stepping back instinctively when you approached him. Regardless of it you learned to be okay with it all, we all had our lines we don’t cross and this was one of his you learned to accept. He never touched you even when his hands were gloved, it was always you touching him. The first time he didn’t move away from you whenever he usually would’ve found you a tad too close, everyone noticed it. It’s hard not to notice a man who would adamantly avoid physical contact no longer complaining about a distance needing to be kept.

It started out with simple things, tapping his shoulder when needing his attention. Grabbing his arm to drag him along behind you. He shivered away from it at first but eventually he stopped finding faults in it. He wish it didn’t affect him but it did. You knew every horrible thing he’s done, what a shitty person he was. In spite of it you never once flinched away from him. Someone considered him worthy, valuable and that was a complicated new feeling. He hates it, he should right? You’re too nice, too good, you couldn’t be this righteous. It’s most definitely hatred he’s feeling nothing more nothing less.

His hand accidentally fully touched you, he didn’t think about it and that was the problem. He should’ve been paying attention, he immediately backed away yelling at you not to touch him. He waited to watch you disappear right before his eyes just like he did as a scared child running to his mother. He allowed himself one simple moment of peace and this is what it got him. He waited for minutes staring wildly as you tried to reassure him.

“I’m fine, see? I would’ve been turned into dust. Your hand barely touched me,” your tone was as warm and light as you could make it but the look in his eyes, it was fear and nothing else. He looked petrified in the silence refusing to speak, he didn’t even realize his hands were gloved the entire time. You wanted to offer some sort of comfort, what was there to tell?

“Don’t touch me again,” he spoke in a soft voice, he never did that. He was mean and rude, him being any sort of kind was rare. This wasn’t kindness, it was a plead for you to stop crossing every line he makes. He’s starting to care too much, he couldn’t. He won’t.

“Tenko please, it was an accident, it’s okay.”

“Yeah? What about next time hm’? What about when you turn into dust because of a fucking accident, I don’t make accidents.” He stared at you with disdain, his voice coming out in a harsh manner. Your lips parted intending to find another excuse to make up for him but you knew he was right.

“Just-” he paused intending to speak further but the sight of your tears had stopped him. You expected him to demand you stop crying or offer some comfort, he simply left. You didn’t think he’d ever find it in him to fight to put a meaning behind what ‘us’ should mean. There aren’t enough words to describe what you two had, it was everything and nothing all at once. Maybe you did deserve better but there was nobody else you could ever want besides him. ‘Quite pathetic’ is what he’d probably say to that.

He thought you had to be some sort of insane to down yourself to his level. There are very few people he ever thought highly of, not that he’d ever tell you. You thought you’d be okay with it all, trying to find it in yourself to stop caring so much. After a while he stopped coming by your apartment, Toga as well. The visits from them became more scarce, to none at all. The few times you found yourself visiting the League’s base maybe only one of them would be there. Shigaraki never was though.

A week had gone by of radio silence from everyone, so you thought one last try and that would be it, you’d be done with it all. To your surprise everyone was here at once, hell even the members that’d only ever drop by for some intel or a job were here. They spoke amongst each other, you were able to get a quick gist of it all. The mission they were heading out in was serious enough to bring in backup. You knew whatever they were getting ready for was big, big enough to where ‘see you when I get back’ became whispering goodbyes. This meant everything they’ve been working towards was finally coming to an end. This was going to be the final chapter of their stories, they knew it too. None of them seemed all that sad about it though, if anything you had never seen them more at peace. Liberated even, they were going to mean something.

“Where do you want me in this plan?” You questioned moving to stand next to him, wrapping your hands tightly until your knuckles were covered. Figured you’d end up dealing with a-lot of hand to hand combat. You were already buckling on your vest and strapping your blades in their places when Shigaraki spoke.

“You’re not coming,” he didn’t pause his movements, he continued briefing the rest of the League on the plan all over again.

“The hell you mean I’m not coming?” Your face scrutinized him immediately. You grabbed his arm demanding his attention, he turned towards you annoyed. His gaze left no doubt in his words he meant it. Meaning this plan of his had little chance of truly succeeding. Your eyes frantically searched his in anger and panic.

“Don’t do that, you can’t put me out of this when we’re right at the goal?” You released his arm as he stared at you. You did plenty of bickering but it was the first to be arguing like this infront of the others. You bit your lip drawing blood sinking into the never ending thoughts. He was an idiot, he couldn’t be this stupid and reckless?

“As I said you’re staying here, we don’t need you dragging us down.”

“Dragging you down? The only person who can drag you down is yourself. I mean you-” you paused eyeing him. Ah, that’s what he was doing, he was doing what he does best.

Pushing you away.

Your hands found the collar of his shirt yanking him down to your height. You tried to find it in you to stay angry, that’d make it easier. It’s easier not to miss someone when you’re angry.

“Even after all of it, after us? You’re a coward, you know that?”

“Yeah and you’re the one who keeps seeking out this deluded idea we even have anything at all,” his words reached out like a venomous snake, it had to be just poisonous lies. This couldn’t be his truth? There had to be some other kind of feeling behind his angered expressions. There had to be something beyond his eccentric need to wreak havoc wherever he sees fit.

"Honestly, when this is all over I hope we don’t meet again."

"You can’t be serious? Tenko, please don’t act as if we have nothing. Don’t stand there and tell me all of this, all of us means absolutely nothing to you," you wondered if you were yelling, you had to be with how sick he was starting to look. Your hands fell from his collar as he stepped back slightly.

"I'll curse you until my dying breath, you can't go. It's stupid and reckless even for you. You'll die out there and I'll be left here alone," you were yelling now if you weren't before as you hit at his chest.

"Y/n stop," he whispered the words as if it pained him to speak. He did even bother attempting to stop your attacks.

"Don't you dare leave me here alone again. You can't," despite it all, you simply couldn't bring yourself to be angry with him, at him. You still looked at him with that same damn comforting gaze.

He hated it, so why couldn't he hate you?

"Stop fucking looking at me like that," now he was yelling too, he tried pushing you away but he couldn't bear to let go.

‘Like what?' You didn't even have to say the words, they were already written on your face.

Like he was important.

Why did you have to look at him as if you’ve known him for years? If only you could see the look on your face whenever you spoke to him, it was pure endearment. It was like you didn’t need anything in return because he was already enough, oh how he hated it. He couldn’t stand the look on your face, like he was good, as if he’d ever be worthy of devotion and love. It made him feel sick, he felt himself aching with guilt. He was used to using people for connections, their wealth or maybe even weapons but playing with one’s heart?

That’s simply cruel.

The heart can tear and heal itself but it doesn’t forget, he hadn’t forgotten the way his heart was left in shreds by his own mistakes. Why can’t you just stop making him feel things? Why weren’t you selfish and self centered? Why was the universe finally giving him the light at the end of the tunnel when he was already comfortable within the dark. He just wanted everyone to suffocate in the darkness as he had been for years but my god was your light bright.

“You’re not one of us, you’ve never been one of us,” his words cut out sharp and loudly, you stepped back from him. Talks of the group had long since become hushed whispers. You searched his face for some sort of underlying emotion that told you he didn’t believe what he said, that he said it out of anger not because you truly never had a place here, even as a wanna be villain.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.”

Your hand raised quicker than you could think, the sound of your hand slapping against his face echoed out. The rest of the group stood up and around in shock, nobody moved as a deafening silence took over. His own hand rested on the red mark blooming on his cheek, your own hand stinging from how hard you hit him.

“You’re a lie Tenko, you’re a fucking lie.”

“Get them out of here.”

You went to raise your hands once more to grab at his shirt but hands grabbed at your arms. You didn’t bother to look who it was, rather you didn’t care as you screamed at him. You weren’t telling him to take it back, you were begging him to. Asking him if he truly meant it, he didn’t mean it because if he did you truly didn’t belong anywhere.

You could’ve never been like them, you never had been, the world had long since pointed their fingers labeling them villains. The world had never done that to you, so you would and couldn’t ever know what it was like.

His back was the last thing you seen before a heavy darkness overtook you.

The wreckage was hell on earth, it was gruesome. A live graveyard was in its making, how many bodies lay in the ruins of a city was uncountable. He knew most were probably innocents, maybe he deserved this lonesome death.

For a moment the world had seemed beautiful. The flicker of light in the demanding darkness, and it almost made him want to be good. For a moment the world was telling him, calling for him to be the good. It’s sad it was only a moment, if only it’d had been longer. Maybe he could’ve been the good and not just the bad.

He suddenly felt apologetic for the times he hadn’t said what he should’ve. He could have told you how much he needed your existence more than his own, or the first night he spotted you on a late night mission. You taking down a group of low level villains as if it was nothing at all and he had a thought, a simple one. He had never seen something so beautiful, so bright it could never be snuffled. A beauty that he would never have the pleasure of keeping. So he told himself he’d watch from afar wishing it could always be his to keep but like the greedy selfish man he was he talked you into joining the league. Cause that’s better than not being by your side at all right? He thought maybe after a while he’d stop mourning a person he could never truly have but even now as he bled out every single feeling he had was for you. He should feel sorry for not telling you how he felt, the things he chose over taking your hand.

But he didn’t know how to be sorry, he could never be sorry.

They weren’t lying when they said dying sucked, such a stupid death too. He would have laughed if he had it in him but nothing about it was funny. If he tried to laugh he’d only choke on his own blood quicker but he already knew he didn’t deserve the pleasantries of dying quickly. If he was sorry for something he might’ve been sorry to you, he really did hope there was a next life where you would choose him again.

He turned you in, being left at the steps of one of the hero agencies. Waking up in the cold and disgustingly unclean cell, stuck waiting as they investigated and interrogated you to see if your story suddenly switched up. Stuck in a cell day in and day out with no more light other than a window covered in iron bars that would take years to rust away. You stuck with the same story he always told you to tell, that you were held involuntarily for information. Despite the questionable circumstances and thorough investigation, you were later released on having no solid evidence to legally keep you in holding. Though hardly any hero agency was willing to work with you after the investigation. Everyone knew what you had done but they couldn’t prove a thing.

You didn’t understand until you seen it on tv, them celebrating with his blood splattered across the pavement. As if it was some spectacle, cheering wildly as they announced his death in gleeful laughter and applause. The images of the League were plaster all over every channel and station about how their reign of terror was over. Anybody who made it out the battle had been immediately hunted down and tossed in prison.

Suddenly it all made sense, you weren’t thrown aside from lack of use. You hadn’t failed or done anything wrong. If anything you were too valuable, too important to burn with the rest of them. The one person he couldn’t think of dragging down with him. He was putting you out of harm’s way because he only knew how to be mean and not speak with honesty. It seemed the only way he knew how to love was by boxing himself so tightly there’d never be a chance of him being the death of you. The thought made you angry he couldn’t have bothered to even give you a decent fucking goodbye. He didn’t even bother to admit the truth. What a truly awful person he was. How rotten of a man he was to have lied to you.

How he wouldn’t have let you burn to see the world burn too.

[minzis]

Ghost Snippets pt II

Art credits: Le Baiser Nacre (The Mother Of Pearl Kiss) by Yves Pires

ꨄ︎༻Summary: After having shot a man in self-defense, as a medic you struggle to come to terms with having taken a life. Ghost tries to offer some comfort.

ꨄ︎༻Tags: mentions of blood and death.

ꨄ︎༻Authors note: ngl forgot this was in my drafts lowkey thought I posted this months ago my fault y’all but if you’ve ever watched “The Punisher” series you’ll see exactly where I got my inspo from anyways love yall and happy new year😘

•┈୨♡୧┈•

Your hands pressed more guaze into the wound but the blood it just kept pouring out. You let out another choked sob, your hands leaving crimson red smudges on the man’s clothes along with your own. You knew you had fired your gun in self defense but you couldn’t help the riddling thoughts of having killed him. You knew you had no choice, it was you or him and yet you were still trying to save him.

You kept apologizing even though there had been no choice. The man’s eyes met with yours and you couldn’t really tell if he was actually looking at all. You shook your head insisting he would be okay. Your hand gun was long tossed aside, you couldn’t even bear to look at the thing.

There wasn’t going to be enough gauze to pack the wound, he wouldn’t even make the trek back to a reasonable enough place to be properly treated. He coughed harshly blood spilling out the corners of his mouth. You muttered another apology tearing at his clothes to get a better look at his wound. The bullet hit in his lower abdomen, it definitely hit something vital. You were trying to thinking straight but considering the amount of blood loss, and the lack of supplies. It was obviously he wasn’t going to make it.

Your movements slowed at the realization, it seemed he had already come to terms with that fact by the distant glow in his eyes. You were ready to cry when the crunch of sticks and leaves caught your attention. It was almost on instinct how quickly you rushed for your gun, by the time you flipped over the figure was already in front of you. You knew his familiar outline anywhere.

“Ghost?” You muttered in relief of no longer having to be the biggest person in the room. You dropped the gun as it thudded onto the ground. The sinking feelingly it left behind was deep. His eyes took in the scene in-front of him, he reached for you but you ignored him going back to the man.

“Come on help me,” you ushered him a spark of hope that maybe with his help you could in fact save the life you were slowly taking. Killing was different when it was your own hands, you were always on the field with them. Close enough to witness the death and destruction that war was but never close enough to use your own gun.

You were trained just enough to use a few guns, most of your brain was over filled with medical knowledge. To think you’d have to fire one of the bullets that had collected dust in their chamber. Ghost always insisted on training you more just to be safe, sometimes he’d bother you enough to where you’d allow just an hour of training before scurrying off back to saving parts of people the world tried so hard to break.

“Kid there’s nothing you can do, you know that,” he meant to speak more gently but nothing ever came out his mouth in a nice tone. You felt angry with him how easily he could brush off a life, this life. So you ignored him again reaching for more gauze, there was hardly any left you couldn’t remember when you used most of it. He tried to reach for you again but you pushed his hands away.

“But he someone’s baby, he somebody’s person,” you felt sick, your stomach churned uncomfortable. Your spilled medical supplies laid sprawled out by the same medic bag you always carried. The words ‘Medic’ engraved on the bag seemed to feel like an awfully cruel joke now.

“Hey hey hey look at me,” he spoke softly his hand tugged you upwards moving you away from the man. His hands rested on your arms shaking you slightly. You wanted to yell and scream tell him of how wrong it was.

“I killed him, fuck I killed him,” you rubbed your hands off on your pants over and over but the blood still sticked. It felt horrible, how could a person have that much blood?

“No you just shot him,” his gun suddenly fired off making you jump. “See I killed him,” you glanced down at the man’s now unmoving body. A bullet hole edged through the middle of his forehead. The blood poured around him, not a twitch was left in his fingers as he laid eerily still.

“I killed him, you hear me? Not you. His blood is on my hands not yours,” he stared at you burying the words in your head before you could think any different. His decision was simple and easy. He would always become the monster, be the worst person if it meant you never having to. Never having to deal with the aftermath of killing another person. He would forever keep his hands dripping in blood if it meant yours staying clean.

He knew better than anyone how much you didn’t deserve to live with that. Not now and not ever because you were taught to treat wounds, to restart a un-beating heart. He would rather it be him if it meant keeping the spark in your eyes that you would inevitably loose. Everyone does when they experience war first hand, but yours lasted longer than others. The team had almost become reliant on the breath of fresh air you would bring. He refused to lose that version of you so he’ll always decide without hesitation to be the evil so you can stay being the good.

[minzis]

Guys pls I need alternatives for y/n because I HATEEEE using it but how else am I supposed to use it without any other alternatives and it not feel cringy as hell?? Especially when I’m writing dialogue that specifically requires a name but I don’t wanna put y/n AGGHHEHEJEJ and I’m not bout to write in first person either cause that feels even weirder😞

[minzis]

The Ghost Of Her

Art Credits: “Selene Thrown Down by Argus,” 1886 by Ferdinard Keller.

⋅•⋅⊰𖥸•┈୨A Simon Riley One-shot୧┈•𖥸⊱⋅•⋅

♡Summary: Even after being on the team for months Ghost has yet to warm up to you. On a drunken night he confesses a truth leaving you feeling worse then before when he simply hated you.

♡Tags: Angst, no comfort, sfw :)

♡Authors Note: so wow have I been gone….I have worked on other things. Can’t really use the I’ve been busy excuse cause I haven’t I’ve been literally doing nothing.-. ANYWAYSSS I did listen to “Sweater Weather” by The Neighborhood on repeat while writing this so take that as you will. If y’all want a part two let me know! Other then that I will work on things hopefully soon but no promises😞

⋅•⋅⊰𖥸•┈୨♡୧┈•𖥸⊱⋅•⋅

“You look like her,” he admitted blankly his hand half hazardously setting his empty glass on the counter. He’s drunk, very drunk.

You weren’t even sure why he was talking to you let alone why you bothered sitting next to the same man who treated you like complete shit during training, during missions. Just about any interaction with him was always ill ending but at the same time you couldn’t help but sit next to him based on the looks from the rest of the team. They all looked worried but couldn’t bring themselves to approach him. So you settled for being the sacrifice, he always yelled at you anyways what’s another night?

His gaze was unfocused as he looked at you, he was there but he wasn’t really there. His finger tapped as his glass as he went to take another sip but he placed it back down his glance of realization it was still empty.

“Who?” You asked softy, eyes drawing over his half covered face the balaclava just hovering above his lips. The blacked makeup around his eyes smudged, he looked messy. You wondered if he’d even remember talking to you tonight.

“My girlfriend,” his eyes crinkled the same way a person’s does when they smile. His brows furrowed shaking his head like he simply forgot something, he motioned over the bartender to refill his glass. Your eyes followed the bartender as she refilled his glass, that was his fourth glass since you had gotten here.

“Sorry my ex-girlfriend, she died a few years back. Some tumor in the brain they said, it was inoperable and terminal,” he spoke as you swallowed harshly sitting up in your seat. You tired not to frown but the pale look on your face would’ve been obvious if he hadn’t been so drunk.

The hatred made a sudden sense now, your hand clenched at your own glass as he continued. “Yeah she looked just like you, same hair, the laugh too and the eyes it’s really in the eyes the first time I seen you I could’ve sworn it was her but,” he trailed off his gaze flicking in hits of disappointed.

“But it wasn’t, it was just you,” he spoke taking another sip from his drink, more like half the glass. You hated the way he said you like it had been wrong for you to even exist at all, like it was some evil thing you had done showing up at all. You suddenly wished all he did was yell at you, for some reason that would have cut less deep.

You downed your own drink the alcohol leaving a stinging taste like the thoughts of wishing you had never even sat down next to him. Wishing you had just ignored him like he would’ve done to you. You glanced back at him surprised to find he was already looking, you thought he was but once again his gaze was unfocused. He wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at her.

This wasn’t just another night, it was a sicking one. One that left you feeling ill and guilty for hating him even more after his confession. How could you hate him but how could you not hate him? Your eyes watched him as you took in a heavy breath. He reached out to brush a stray hair of yours tucking it behind your ear. His hand dropped to your shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered but it sounded pained like he was being forced to speak. You couldn’t even move as your lip quivered at the sight. His eyes watered as he moved to hug you. His arms wrapped around you tightly, he was shaking horribly as he clung to you. The overwhelming smell of alcohol from him engulfed you, his fingers clenched at the fabric of your shirt.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t at the funeral. I should’ve been there but I couldn’t see you in that casket all dull and lifeless,” he spoke in a slurred speech as your own tears fell. Still even now he wasn’t even speaking to you, you simply weren’t even there to him.

The feeling was overwhelming you, being so unseen and invisible was truly something despicable. You bit your lip in attempts to keep yourself from crying any further. You felt sick, surely you’d throw up soon.

“I’m sorry I haven’t visited your grave. I swear I’ll come and I’ll leave your favorite flowers. I just wish…I could’ve been there to hold your hand, I should’ve been there when you died I’m really fucking sorry,” he spoke in rushed statements as you tired to bring yourself to push him away, to yell or scream. Just anything at all but you were stuck frozen, what are you supposed to say to a drunken man who thought he was talking to his dead girlfriend?

Your heart ached as you reluctantly returned his hug as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. Your hands rubbed up and down his back humming in response. Your teary eyes met with the rest of the 141, you shook your head glancing down at Ghost’s back. They nodded moving across the bar to pry him off you. Gaz and Soap each held up one of his arms and a supporting one along his back. What hurt the most was for some odd reason they didn’t seem all that surprised. The three men shuffled away Ghost mumbling more words but you could hardly understand.

You gaze met with Price’s as he looked sympathetic, he reached to offer a soft tap on you shoulder but you pushed his hand away. You felt angry and used, “you guys knew didn’t you? You fucking knew I looked like her and you still let me run around like some fool wondering what I had done wrong.”

You stared at him with a frustrated glare standing up on your feet ready to say more but held your tongue. You sighed shakily digging through your purse, you opened your wallet slamming a hundred dollar bill on the counter.

“For the drinks,” you muttered angrily turning on your heels, he grabbed your arm his own gaze softening. He moved to speak but you stopped him yanking your arm back.

“Don’t…just leave me be,” you sighed in disbelief, how stupid you must’ve looked complaining to them about Ghost’s antics as they joked along. A complete and utter fucking fool you must’ve been. “Respectfully sir fuck you and the rest of the damn team, I want a transfer put in,” you spoke through gritted teeth, he didn’t say anymore letting you walk away.

[minzis]

When You Know

Art Credits: Cupid’s Kiss by Antonio Canova

•┈୨A Soap One-Shot୧┈•

♡Summary: You and Soap take one final trip together in a last ditch effort to rekindle your crumbling relationship.

♡Tags: sfw, Angst, 3.5k words.

♡A/N: This soap fic has been in my drafts for god knows how long but here it is! The song I mainly listened to while writing this was ‘Margaret’ by Lana Del Rey! Apologies for those who might have been waiting for this fic my last few months have been out the ass busy, I’ve recently moved along with getting sick as well but hopefully I’ll get to writing more :3

•┈୨♡୧┈•

The car hummed as Johnny continued the drive down the seemingly never ending road the occasional thumps from his finger tapping at the wheel. The same sound that’s been repetivte throughout the entire dreadful drive. Another huff fell from your lips as the sound slowly began to aggravate you once more.

He muffled a groan spilling another sorry you scoffed lightly, “Is that what you said to the girl you’ve been texting about not being able to meet up?” you muttered flipping through the magazine you picked up at the last pit stop. The reminders of the stupid texts you accidentally read when coming across his phone plaguing your mind. It meant nothing to him you knew it didn’t for him, but it did to her.

“Christ y/n how many times have I said it was nothing like that,” he rebutted his own annoyance growing. “Yeah I’m sure every girl trying to be friends constantly bombards you with an ensue of constant compliments, gifts, texts and calls.” You exclaimed sarcastically staring harshly at the magazine despite never actually looking at it.

“She said she didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Yeah and I’m sure she feels the exact same about that statement.”

“Y/n-” he cut himself off letting out a deep sigh, “look I love you and only you I would never in my life run off with some other woman I barely know?!?” he responded glancing over at you briefly.

“I know,” you grumbled.

He smiled a bit towards the end, you rolled your eyes at the words as they hardly softened any worries you had. Your eyes fell on to the road making eye contact with deer in the middle of the road you barely managed to scream out the warnings.

“Oh my god deer, a deer?!” You yelled out throwing your hands up, the magazine flying out your hands as you pointed at the road. His head snapped forward narrowly swerving out the way of the deer before slamming on the breaks.

You exhaled exasperated hands firm on the dash as the seatbelt clung onto you, thankful for once about his adamant complaining about buckling up.

“Told ya seat belt.”

“Fuckin’ hell just watch the road,” you sighed leaning back in the seat face in your palms a deep sigh following after your motions. He chuckled slightly as you both gathered yourselves before he started driving again.

His fingers pulled at a cigarette from the pack. A quick flick to his lighter before placing the lit cigarette between his lips. He didn’t used to smoke before, you wondered when he started doing that but you stopped knowing a lot of the things about him. It made you think of all the things you were missing like the new wrinkle between his brows that was starting to form.

One that only appeared when you argued. It filled you bits of sadness as it seemed you two could never argue but now it seemed all you two could ever do. Thoughts of the days when us meant something, maybe that’s why he dragged you on this god forsaken trip. Some way it was a plead, an ask to try again before there was no fix for what was left of a deteriorating relationship. Of course you loved him probably more than yourself at this point, the man you knew like the back of your hand. You were sitting in the same car but it felt like you couldn’t be further apart.

“Fuckin hell,” you yelled out as the tent collapsed once more on you. You were already tired from the long drive but now this tent was going every which way but the right damn way. Johnny set off to the side in his chair simply watching the situation unfold with his feet propped up, a few snickers coming from his direction every now and then. You insisted you could do it yourself still upset from the conversation ealier. You tossed down one of the small pipes in frustration crouching down to your knees as you sigh in defeat.

You took a few breaths calming down a bit before looking back up at the mess of a tent you had long loss the instructions to, and not enough service to Google the manual. You glared over at Johnny as he smirked a bit, you groaned knowing he more then likely knew the instructions by heart. You wouldn’t be surprised if the man memorized them just so you’d be forced to ask for his help. You rubbed your face with your hands another sigh following before standing upright hesitantly making your way over to him.

“Help me,” you muttered folding your arms as you glanced around standing infront of him.

“Sorry what?”

“Can you help me?” You spoke slightly louder through gritted teeth.

“I can’t really hear you love?” He spoke with his same shit eating grin he had as he watched you struggle the past thirty damn minutes.

“I said can you help me, please,” you mustered out an annoyed please as his grin grew wide.

“Oh of course honey why didn’t you just say so!” He cooed, his amused tone far from hidden as he waltzed over to the chaos you had going on.

You sat down in his seat watching him leaning your head in your hand as he slowly pieced the tent together properly. He was muttering some silly jokes, probably teasing as he began hammering some stakes into the ground. Your eyes flicked over him playing the conversation in the car over in your head. You wanted to get over it but it was stuck in your head like some parasite.

You’d feel worse for not saying anything but even worse for saying something at all.

Surely he’ll be tired of hearing the same issue over and over again? What if he’d grown tired of you in general? Your eyes followed his moments as he continued building the tent, he briefly glanced over at you pausing as he stood up right. He dusted his hands off on his pants walking over and bending down in front of you.

He stared at you for a moment watching your flickering expressions, “baby what’s wrong?” He asked with a slight laugh in his voice but mostly of concern as he grabbed one of your hands rubbing the back of it with his thumb. His soft reassuring smile nearly already had you crying as you sniffled. You shrugged wiping the stray tear as he left out a sigh kissing the palm of your hand, “I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s wrong.” He whispered softly folding your hand in his as he waited for your response, patiently as always.

“It’s nothing I swear,” you muttered curtly staring down at your hands. You briefly looked up at him and he looked obviously upset, your heart immediately sunk regretting every word you had spoken. Surely he’s upset now, if you had just happily accepted his help he wouldn’t be upset. You should’ve just kept quiet about it to begin with.

“If you want me to leave tell me,” he sounded broken like he was at his wits ends of what to do, what more would make you happy. “Tell me to anything ‘n I’ll do it, tell me to go or apologize give me a list…please.”

“Just tell me whatever you wish and I’ll do it.”

You shook your heading shrugging unsure what to say, “I don’t know.” Your eyes focused on his as you wondered why you were so angry with him. Why were you upset? When any problematic situation arose the only common denominator you could find was you and yet he still asked if he had done something wrong.

“Baby I can’t help you if you don’t tell me anything,” his voice was soft his hand reaching to cup your face. He nodded, gently pulling you into a hug. “I’m sorry for being mean,” you spoke head resting against his chest.

“I wasn’t angry with you I was angry with myself, You were just the outlet I took it out on,” you added on as his hands raked through your hair.

“I know love, I know,” the words almost made you sob he was being so patient and you had nothing to say or give for it.

“I just thought one day you’d change your mind about loving me like I tricked you into it or something,” you chuckled lightly eyes watering as you began emptying all the thoughts.

“You’re too good, it’s more than I’ll ever deserve.”

It felt terrible as if it had been wrong to feel this way. He was as perfect as any man could get and here you were finding issue after issue. His face looked shocked and heartbroken at the revelation, “you’re so friendly open you could probably have any woman you want with no problem. A better woman.”

“But I already have the one I want,” he softly replied with a reassuring tone. “I know you love me and I love you too, I just can’t help this terrible persistent feeling I’d lose it one day, lose you.” You trailed off the beating of his heart echoing in your ears companied by the sounds of his breathing.

“Just ask me then,” he spoke abruptly. “If I have to say I love you a hundred times for you to feel better I’ll do it, all you have to do is ask.” He kissed at the top of your head as you wiped at your tears nodding appreciatively.

“I missed you love.”

“I missed you too.”

The rest of the trip felt absolutely amazing, you’d never have considered enjoying nature as much as you do now. The tall trees lining every direction you looked. The unkempt grass with wild flowers and weeds mixed it. It was truly stunning no matter where you chose to look. None of it felt real, the view was simply stunning.

“I see why you dragged me out here now,” you laughed looking towards Johnny’s direction as he walked beside you.

“Yeah despite all your complaints about how ‘I’m not doing anything that requires more than the bare minimum,’ if I recall that correctly?” He spoke with a smug tone raising an eyebrow.

“Okay well to be fair the campsite you originally showed me looked like shit.”

“Have you never heard of a surprise?”

“No I haven’t,” you replied sarcastically turing your nose upward and he let out a laugh pinching one of your cheeks. “Stubborn as always,” he muttered as he continued down the trail.

You looked over him admiring him for a moment. “Thank you,” you spoke suddenly as he turned around understandably confused.

“For what?”

“For being with me, just for everything really,” you smiled softly as he immediately pulled you into a tight hug. He pulled away feeling your forehead, “well you aren’t sick thought someone might’ve taken over your body for a second.” He stared you down suspiciously as you giggled.

“Oh absolutely, I’m an ailen and I shall taken you back to my people on Mars!” You exclaimed as he looked at you in shock.

“Ah I knew it was too good to be true!”

You probably missed this more than anything, the small moments with him. That made you feel like a mischievous child being with him and feeling like this made it all worth it. Worth any deal of pain if it meant a moments like this. They always say it’s the little things right?

But this moment wasn’t little it was damn dear the most important event in your life up to now as Johnny knelt down on one knee. A ring-box in hand your birthstone reflecting the moonlight with a light sparkle. You felt stupid falling for his dumb trick of pointing out something in the sky that wasn’t even there. Of course you looked back confused ready to bombard him with questions but there he was on one knee.

You felt a mixture of emotions wash over you all at once, you were already crying and he hadn’t even started speaking yet. Your hands moving rapidly wiping at your never ending tears. This was more than enough proof you’d ever need. What would there be to debate when the ring would be a light in the darkness to guide you.

“I didn’t fall in love you at first sight, I fell in the with you the moment you told me I was worth it. Worth the pain, the sorrow but also the joy, the laughter and for the love. You were the one who built me back up even when I couldn’t do it myself so will you give me the greatest honor and privilege to marry you and spend the rest of our lives together?”

Maybe it was then under the moonlight and stars that you knew, knew by the tone in his voice from the stumble in his step to the light that lit up his face as he knelt on one knee. That no fight or argument would be enough to take that away. Not your love and not his because you just knew how much you love and would love him for the rest of your life.

“Com’n now lass my knees ain’t what they used to be,” a laughter echoed from you through shining tears of joy that told him of your love. A love he hoped to see in the messes of chaos your future children would leave. Like the breath of fresh air in the cold night to the crackle of the fire. Glimmer of the moonlight in his bright eyes that spoke of a million ways how he could love you just right, in a soft whisper you spoke, “Yes I will.”

“Good thing you said yes.”

“Why?”

“Cause that uppercut from the ground would’ve knocked you on yer ass.”

“Is it too late to say no?”

“Yes Miss MacTavish it is you’re stuck with me till death do us part,” a childish laugh escaped from him as he threw an arm around you tugging you into a hug. Despite the amount of times the man had hugged you it felt just like the first time after your first date a nice blissful comfort, as if you just knew he was the one.

The hug was only seconds yet felt as if it was the first time someone truly hugged you, wanted you and you alone. Despite the darkening night sky you still held onto his hand subconsciously not wanting him to leave yet. You smiled at him hesitantly releasing his hand taking a step back, “so..” You trailed fiddling with your hands as you glanced over his eyes.

“Let me buy you a drink?” He spoke softly returning the smile as you nodded excitedly, “absolutely!” And like that one date turned into dozens before you knew it he was moving in.

He huffed from beside you drawing you out of your thoughts as he stood up in-front of you his hand outstretched towards you. “Would you like to dance?” you looked at him confused staring at his hand before back up at him.

“I don’t know how to dance?”

“I can teach you.”

“There’s no music?”

“Then we’ll sing.”

He always had an answer whenever you were in doubt. If he had said you could concur the world you’d whole heartedly believe him. He spoke with passion and emotion you hadn’t felt before that showed he meant every word. He’s always believe in you even when you didn’t believe in yourself. But that’s just who Johnny is, optimistic to a point you’d almost call him stupid for it. The world needed more people like him, gentle and kind with a warmth that made everything feel okay.

As if it would always be okay.

He insisted on dancing under the midnight sky his eyes reflecting a brightness only the angels get to gleam. You would’ve felt embarrassed from your terrible skills but he was just as awful as you possibly even worse. You couldn’t help the laughter as you teased him for his idea when he couldn’t even dance himself.

His arm outstretched to spin you around before taking you in his arms aiming for a dip but he trampled on his own feet tumbling you both right over. He flopped right onto you as the laughter only grew. His laughing died down as he stared at your smiling face as you giggled.

“What?” you asked out of breath.

He is what beauty feels like, pure unfiltered beauty and it’s exactly what he calls you beautiful. He’d say it with every ounce of his being without a hindrance of dismay.

“God damn you’re so beautiful,” he kissed at the top of your nose with that childish smile of his.

“I love you too Johnny.”

It had been a few weeks since the trip. You hummed mindlessly preparing your usual pick-me-up box for Johnny. You’d been excited for weeks to send it as you held the positive pregnancy test in your hand. It took everything in you not to spill the beans but held out waiting a few weeks to be sure it was still positive.

You wondered who the baby would resemble, though you already wished they would resemble Johnny. Hoping they would take after him and his kidness take every good thing you two would have to offer and become the best version of either of you. He’ll be a wonderful father that much you knew for sure.

If they are loved what else could possibly matter?

You couldn’t wait for the excited call you’d receive as he would probably insist on coming home immediately to prepare the baby’s room. Even already bought a cute baby crib you two could build together since he’d more than likely insist you’d have to sit it out but just watching him didn’t seem all that bad.

“You’re carrying for two now not just one anymore,” he’d probably say and the thought already had you smiling. You remember off handedly asking him if he’d ever want kids one late night in bed. His face scrunched up in thought before his playful smile grew, “if it’s with you I’d have at least fifteen.”

You snorted punching at his chest, “In your damn dreams Mr. MacTavish, we’ll have maybe two at most and have a nice house by the seaside.” You continued rambling endlessly about the cute family you two would have someday as he simply smiled and hummed in agreement at every word.

The phone rung a bit before your usual call time, almost deciding to ignoring the call seeing the random number but the first few numbers looked familiar. You picked up the phone the familiarity of Price’s voice filled your ears. You smiled instinctively, “Price it’s been awhile!” A light laugh exited from you as he took a deep breath following a pause.

“Is something wrong?” you asked another long pause as he groaned lightly.

When you know, you know like the feelings that reside deep in your gut. The ones you can’t shake no matter how hard. Not when you feeling with ever fiber of your being so much so it consumes you. Not when it fills your veins almost already telling you the truth and you just know.

“I’m sorry but Johnny didn’t make it, he was K.I.A,” you almost asked for him to clarify like he was playing a horribly stupid joke but Price never joked not like this. A strong wave of nausea over came you as you softly spoke gagging at the words you could hardly bare to form.

“My Johnny?”

He stifled a yes before an ensue of apologies and everything people say when someone dies. Someone else not Johnny because he said he’d come home. He promised didn’t he? So why wasn’t he here? Not your Johnny it couldn’t be because he said he’d make it back. Things like this happen to other people they don’t happen to him because he’s good and kind so of course it couldn’t be him, right?

His smile, his voice, even just his presence a feeling you’d never get to feel again. What did you even say to him last? Had it been enough to convey how deeply in love with him you were? Did he know how much you loved him? Your hands shook as you long dropped the phone. Your hands threw the box off the counter the items scattering along the ground.

And you screamed eyes watering as an awful overwhelming feeling of dread washed through you, you didn’t just cry, you wailed. Wailed for him to come back or some form of explanation as to why. Why did it have to be him when it could’ve been anyone else. The grief wasn’t just emotional it was physical like your entire body was responding to the gaping hole left behind by its missing piece.

A piece of you that you’ll never be able to get back.

[minzis]

Ghost Snippets pt 1

Art credits: Le Baiser Nacre (The Mother Of Pearl Kiss) by Yves Pires

ꨄ︎༻ Sfw just a nightly chat with ghost, I have been working on this Soap fic that I will be posting eventually, it’s a longer one so it might be a bit of time before I do so!

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“Why can’t you just let me hate you?” Ghost’s words filled the cold air as you blinked in confusion and surprise before looking over at him. He took another breath of his cigarette blowing out a small cloud of smoke, mask just far up enough to almost see the top of his nose. Was he always so beautiful?

“What?” you asked in a half chuckle still taken aback by the question. “I’m not sure what you mean?” you questioned back as he paused long enough to make you wonder if you imagined the whole thing as you turned your head away.

“You always have this look on your face when you stare at me,” he tilted his head still staring ahead as he spoke. “As if you’re always waiting for something.”

“Oh,” you muttered the realization of the little crush you had on your lieutenant had been far from subtle.

“I don’t know what you mean sir.”

“You do.”

Your head turned once more to glance at him but he was already staring at you. The thought alone made your heart flutter, he looked at you. Eyes you could never truly read, ones always colored in a dead gaze. You laughed in disbelief smiling gently, “you’re really something L.T can’t even let a girl down softly.”

“I’m not good for you kid, never will be,” he grumbled from beside you putting his cigarette out.

“I know that’s what I like about you sir.”

[minzis]

Because It Was You

Art Credits: Victoria by Fritz Schaper

•┈୨A Simon Riley One-Shot୧┈•

✦❘༻Summary: Stuck in a sense of saudade Simon finds himself unable to come to terms with the reality of you slowly falling out of love with him.

✦❘༻Tags: Pure angst <3 2.3k words.

✦❘༻Author’s Note: I listened to “Waiting Room” by Phoebe Bridgers while writing if you’d like to listen as well! I just aim to hurt people as much as possible because what is life without deliciously hurtful angst :3

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Ghost knew he wasn’t that good of a man, he always felt like you were just to good for him. A pretty face and a pretty voice, everything about you was beauty in its purest form for him. How he managed to have you in the first place alone was astounding, a miracle in his eyes. You were everything he was not, a sweetness so sweet it was like a daily sugar rush. Him not deserving you was the only thing that ever plagued his mind. How could a woman like you love a man like him?

The type of woman they put on the cover of vogue, the type to have poems written about and for them. So for a beauty to haven falling for the beast he did everything he could to make you happy. No matter what you asked he’d have it done because if it made you happy then it made him happy.

You called him having a bad day at work? That’s okay he’ll just bring you a handwritten card and the food you talked about craving last week! Your sick he’ll bring every medicine there possibly is excluding the one you said you didn’t like cause it made your head hurt. Even if it was late at night he’d make the drive because it was you.

You felt lonely while he was away, that’s fine he got you two little puppies. You named one Grim after the first time you met joking he looked like a Grim Reaper. He laughed over the phone when you rambled about names he said he didn’t like it but truly he liked whatever you did. If you liked blue he loved blue and if you hated red then he despised red. His world moved just to circle around you every day and night felt like it was for you.

He never bought you flowers he always got you plants because you said they lasted a lifetime like the one you planned to spend with him. Apartment cluttered to the point you might as well call it a Garden House. His shelf littered with little things you had given him. “It reminded me of you,” you’d say with the cutest smile he’d swear he had ever seen, it was humbling.

Picking you up from work in the rain or snow since the day you said you were often scared to drive in it yourself, if he couldn’t pick you up himself he’d send a driver. There were many times where he couldn’t always be there so he tried what he could do to make it feel less empty. Outings with friends using his card insisting it was nothing compared to the millions of things he’d do for you. Gentle messages awkwardly formed but enough to show he still cared despite being thousands of miles away.

He liked to think he noticed fairly early at least subconsciously but maybe he ignored it cause it might hurt less then. The look in your eyes faltering ever so slightly as you looked at him. Maybe he knew before you did in many ways more then one. What could he do? What had he done that was so wrong? Should he have looked at you more? Hadn’t he loved you enough?

If you still came home every night to him it was enough, it should’ve been enough but he couldn’t help but want more, crave more. He knew how selfish it was but he didn’t care because it was you. It always was you and always would be you. It killed him, truly killed him in ways he didn’t even realize. How could he ever love if it wasn’t you? He didn’t know how, you taught him how beautiful love could be and how destroying it could be.

You’d come home with a bright smile hug at him the same as you always did but it never felt the same. Not once he knew but maybe it was some childish fairy-tail his love was enough for both of you. They always warn you not to trust strangers or watch for cars before crossing the road. But they don’t teach you about the pretty girls with soft voices from the heavens as if to answer the prayers he made. They don’t teach you how to let them go and to stop loving.

He felt stupid for beating at what would be considered a dead horse, he couldn’t help but try though couldn’t he? He knew you’d never cheat that just not who you are. But he also knew you cared too much for him even if it meant sticking around when you didn’t want too. He knew you were just too good of a person to break his heart like that and he took advantage of it even though it felt horrible it didn’t feel as horrible as losing you.

But seeing the sullen look on you face everyday pained him more then he thought it would. He felt foolish and stupid like the times Johnny would rant about love and how he knew Simon would eventually find someone. He told him he never would, because who could ever love someone like him? He didn’t tell him the other half though seemed deeper then he wanted to go with him.

He tried to do more no matter what it costed him, if he could give you everything he would’ve without hesitation or a single doubt. More calls, more gifts, more affection words he had to choke up because he knew it was only to tape up his tattered heart. He knew every stitch in the book but how was he supposed to stitch up a breaking heart?

He’d take you on dates the day after he’d return from deployment almost like insurance it’d make you stay longer, love him longer. But it never seemed to do what it did before, yeah you laughed and smiled but did you mean it? Did you mean it when you said you loved him? He wasn’t sure anymore, he had always been good at reading people from a glance but he lost that power at times when he had to look at you. Then again he probably chose to unsee what he seen every time he dared to stare long enough in your eyes to realize he was losing you.

It wasn’t a future he had foreseen coming one, one he hadn’t planned an outcome for. He never wanted kids before but with you he felt like he could try, it felt like a life he could have. A version of life in where he was happy with what he had. He never truly had a plan for the chance you would leave him one day, under the belief his love could be enough. You had been together for over a year or two now so he let his guard down, he let himself be vulnerable for the first time in a very long time. It was very apparent the life he planned with you wasn’t going to happen since the first day you leaned back from his kiss.

Restless nights he spent out on deployment in fear when he came home you weren’t going to be there. A feeling that resonated deep in his bones that you were going to up and leave. He hated it all every second he felt helpless like the same child who was still scared of ghosts. It all caught up fairly quickly with his work, he was either ferociously vicious or barely stumbling through the day. It almost got him killed on more then one occasion.

He couldn’t ever bring himself to tell you whenever he got injured cause deep down he knew you’d just feel even more guilty then you already did. Sure you hadn’t done anything but you had done more by doing nothing. He was either getting more injuries or racking up an inhumane amount of kills. Kills that were unnecessary and downright cruel but he hadn’t cared when it was the only outlet he could find. He felt sick with himself spending hours at the sink scrubbing his hands before he dared to ever touch you with hands like his. The blood never came off though.

He sighed shaky hands wrapped around the edges of some shitty sink in another safe house he couldn’t remember the name of. Fingers clung at the edges of his mask tugging it off. He stared in the mirror for what felt like hours at a face he couldn’t recognize anymore. He was almost glad you fell for this face and not the horrid mask. The thin layer between who Simon and Ghost was, he already knew Ghost was unlovable but he had hopes for Simon.

He tried to be a better man with substance one deserving of your time and love. But you didn’t do that, you had loved both parts of him he tried so hard to separate. He began to hold the belief that every part of him he wrote off could possible be loved. Parts of him you called imperfectly beautiful because even if he had come home deeply stained in blood he was still good. And you made him feel that way for a longtime so the thoughts of losing that were never going to go over well.

Reckless and dangerous was what he had become while away. It scared the team the little regard he had show on multiple occasions after endangering his life like it meant nothing. Simon had always been careful purposely with each step he took so for him to make a mistake at all seemed alien almost. Despite his protest Price decided to dismiss him for a few months in hopes it would clear whatever he had going on.

He started at the door what felt like hours but before he could open the door himself the door swung open. “You’re home early,” your tone was angry causing him to stiffen under your sharpened gaze. He expected more but you just turned back further into the house leaving the door open for him. “Price called,” you stated eyeing him as he inched his way into the kitchen. His eyes softened seeing you turning back to the stove stirring the pan, his favorite meal. Despite your anger you still made him his favorite damn meal.

He really wanted you to stay.

“He said you almost died Simon,” you spoke softly and he hated how disappointed you sounded. He couldn’t bring himself to speak unable to find the words that would carry enough apologies. A loud silence filled the room as he remained still staring at your back. This was fine it was going to be fine.

“Simon baby I can’t keep doing this,” you spoke breaking the silence.

“I know love, I’m sorry,” his breathing hitched in between his words.

“You can’t keep saying sorry and still going out there recklessly,” you rebutted curtly. “I don’t know what I was thinking, hell I don’t even know if I was,” he answered with a softness.

“I love you I really do but I can’t keep living out of fear everyday because of your stupid decisions,” he nodded his head understandably but for some reason it only seemed to upset you more. “I know-” you cut him off angrily. “No you don’t know cause if you did you wouldn’t keep doing this,” you motioned with your hands.

“For fuck sakes Simon how am I supposed to live worried everyday cause you run out there like you’re invincible, how am I supposed to live knowing that?” you called out desperately to him for some explanation in words but all you were met with was silence.

“Forget it let’s just eat,” you grabbed at the two plates placing them on the dinner table one in-front of the other before half-hazardously sitting down. His eyes followed your movements silently coming to terms. He wasn’t sure what to say or do when nothing was going to fix what was only going to further worsen things.

He didn’t know what to do when everything he knew about love was from what you taught him. You hadn’t taught him how to stop loving you though. He wondered if he could love anyone else like he did with you. Didn’t know if he had it in him to love that strongly again. He was grieving a loss that had long been coming. From the look on your face, fork dancing around the food, he could tell you no longer wanted to be here.

He prayed every night with tears in his eyes that this day wouldn’t come. He asked the gods for forgiveness in all the things he had done wrong. For them to just let him have you and he’d never ask for anything again. He’d live in a hellish purgatory for an eternity if he just got to be happy in this lifetime it would have been worth it.

Maybe in the next lifetime you’d choose to love him again.

He knew it was for the better, he couldn’t keep you chained like this when you can’t help your heart, just like how he couldn’t help his. It’s funny how cold the air had felt before but it managed to be so warm around you. His shaken hand gripped at the ring box in his pocket he long should’ve returned and like the calm before the storm he finally spoke,

“I want to break up.”

[minzis]

My Achilles Heel

Art Credits: angelsandskullz

ꨄ︎༻Simon Riley One-Shot༺ꨄ︎

✦❘༻Summary: After another mission of ignoring protocol and barely making it out of alive Simon is far from angry.

✦❘༻Tags: sfw, hurt/comfort, 1.7k words.

✦❘༻Author’s Note: For one sorry this took so long I’ve been a bit busy lately and I was orginally working on a different Ghost fic but I wasn’t liking it wether that will be posted idk but if it does you’ll see it. For those who like listening to music I listened to ‘Poison Tree’ by Grouper while writing it :3

══❀•°❀°•❀══

The expected slam of the door never came as he shut it behind you both. “Y/n…” he said your name in a tone he hadn’t used before, he always used your call sign or kid. He sat down in the chair at his desk. He looked more exhausted than usually. “Are you mad?” a stupid question after the stunt you pulled on the last mission.

“I’m not mad just disappointed,” something about it coming from him hurt more than anything. It felt like whiplash, air stolen from your lungs. It meant more when he said it, hurt more cause he was the one who said it. Wide scared eyes that watered as you stood stiff in front of his desk.

You weren’t going to cry, you are not going to cry. Not in-front of him. A harsh eerie silence filled the room his eyes focused on you unwavering. You always had something to say but this time you weren’t, you were silent. You sniffled softly trying to keep it quiet as possible.

But he heard it you knew he did, his eyes softened a bit when he realized you were practically already crying. He’s said many things to you and for the very first time he had made you cry.

“Can’t you just be mad?” you said in a small voice like a child crying to her father, soothing coos you never heard. It’d be easier if he was angry maybe then it wouldn’t be so hard, so hurtful. The pain in your voice seemed to surprise him, you’ve always taken his criticism with no issues.

To say you and Ghost were close would be an overstatement if he had to admit anything. He’d say you were a leech or some lost puppy that always followed him around. You’d have to pry the thoughts out his cold dead body if you wanted to truth.

“Kid almost got yourself killed, you-,” he cut himself off a deep sigh coming from him pinching at the bridge of his nose. You wanted to speak but no words seem to form a good enough excuse.

‘You were going to get hurt’

‘You needed help’

What were you wanting to say, sorry? You weren’t you’d probably do it again. You have though on more then one occasion. Reckless decisions assuming you knew better despite any consequences.

“You got lucky and you won’t get so lucky again,” he huffed out.

“I was saving you,” you trailed the whisper hardly meeting his ears. His eyes shot up to yours a look of fury in them, this time he sure as hell looked angry.

“I do not need you to save me and I sure as hell don’t need you risking your life for me,” his voice raised as he stood upright his hands slamming against the desk. The man who stood by you in every moment you were alone, the man who was there for every tear, laugh and award. The person who said you were going to be okay the first time you got injured on the field.

You never talked about your family and maybe it was easier to forget than think of them. It was only understandable that you’d look up to him like a safe heaven. Ghost doesn’t have nor ever wanted any kids, not like he believes he could be a good father. The man could hardly keep himself on two feet, he seen the signs maybe it’s why he tried to push you away in anyway he knew how.

“You’d be fucking dead if it wasn’t for me,” your defense seemed useless against his wrath as he rounded his desk stopping in-front of you. You were ready to retort but his trembling hands clung to the sides of your shoulders. It felt desperate just like the terror and adamance in his eyes.

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should,” he was yelling. He never yelled at you like that before, with purpose laced in a hurtful anger. He couldn’t understand why you would risk your life for his and you couldn’t understand why he thought his life wasn’t worth saving.

His hand fingers clung at your arms shaking at you for some realization at how stupid what you did was. “I don’t know what I would’ve done with myself if you had died back there,” he was never angry he was afraid, the few moments where he thought you were dead was the most pain and fear he had ever felt.

He was breathing but it was to much air yet too little, the few minutes felt liked pain staking hours. He didn’t want to look, he didn’t want to find your lifeless body in the rubbles. It made him want to throw up, the fact you survived and hadn’t been torn to shreds was a damn near miracle.

The team was in a frenzy trying to find you within what was left of the building. But there he was frozen in fear, a terrifying stillness he hadn’t felt since the day he lost his family. They talked and talked, loud footsteps shuffling through the place. Yet he hadn’t heard a single thing. His brain deciding not allowing him to hear was the next best thing.

All he could hear was ringing even a mask wasn’t going to hide the seeping emotions from him. He was cracking, breaking as each second past. He wondered what he had said to you last, he couldn’t recall. Was it kind words? Words that you deserved to hear?

And so he began praying, he had never asked for a single thing in his life. He never dared to but if a pray had even the smallest chance of saving you it’s what he would do. If you asked for the stars he’d give you the fucking galaxy. It’s all he wanted to hear the stupid whines he swore he hated, your complains and praise anything, just anything.

He’d say sorry, apologize for being so stupid for not letting you in. He’d say how much he needed you around what made black and white be painted in vibrant colors. If you just came back alive in once piece, he’d be there and he would stay.

Price had been the one to find you, alive and thankfully only with minor injuries. When he heard your voice it was like he could breath again, the air finally filling his lungs properly. His heart no longer beating at its confinements of child-like fear.

It was around then he realized how much he truly cared and it terrified him. He had faced many horrid things in life yet facing the possibility he could one day lose you seemed to be the hardest one. He had something to come home too. A comforting face that was happy to see him. You were waiting for him, wishing him well, wanting him to be happy.

Something that made it all worth while, something he had to lose.

He couldn’t protect you from every force in the world and he knew that but he’d be damned if he didn’t try. If he was going to care he was going to do it right, no cutting corners half assing the shit. In all honesty he didn’t fully understand what he felt he just knew he couldn’t move on if it meant doing it without you.

His love was unseemly, harsh but yours? Your love was beautiful, graceful as the sun dawning on a Sunday morning. A gentle love that picked up his inner child with laughs and smiles that told him he was going to be okay. The child in you healed his own finding the beauty in all the parts of him he thought were hideous. You were what made him want to live not just survive.

His arms wrapped around you in a tightening hug yet he had never felt more exposed. For the first time in the long time you’ve know Ghost it was like you were seeing him for the first time, you were seeing Simon. Ghost wasn’t the one hugging at you so desperately, Simon was.

You could feel the tremors as he held onto you like you’d up and disappeared. You froze for a moment unable to work through the millions of thoughts and emotions. A guilt washed over you, the feeling of his broken form cluttering yours and all you could mutter was, “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head in silence, your arms wrapped around him it was a comforting hug one that felt like home after a long trip. One that you both needed even if neither of you had a home to come too you’d find one together. His thoughts shouted at him as if your presence wasn’t something he deserved but he had no intentions of letting you go. He’d just keep you close enough to protect you.

“Does this mean I get to call you Dad now?”

“No,” he groaned seemingly annoyed but you knew he was smiling even if you couldn’t see it. You snorted a bit the happiness dying as fast as it had risen.

“You can’t leave now okay?” You spoke quietly louder than the little girl in you who still craved the absence left by a family you begged for love. Love you never had to ask him for. There was a lot you looked up to him for, “as long as you stop doing stupid shit.”

“I wouldn’t say it was that stupid.”

“It was.”

“No it wasn’t.”

“I will put you on cleaning duty.”

“Fine,” you folded your arms sighing dramatically expecting another remark but he only laughed stepping back. Your eyes softened at the sound of it. It sounded like home with a warming welcome, yeah this is home.

[minzis]

Prosecute My Sins

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ஓ๑A Vampire Gaz One-Shot๑ஓ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

✦❘༻Summary: You were sure you had been KIA while out on a mission with Gaz but you awoke different, changed. Any and all wounds mysteriously healed despite having what should’ve been a fatal wounds. Drenched in the stench of blood paired with an unquenchable thirst for it.

“I’m not what you need, just what you want.”

✦❘༻Tags: Will be mentions of blood, various different forms of torture, major/minor injuries, bits of angst, slight nsfw, nicknames Bunny/Love, 3.2k words.

✦❘༻A/N: This one is quite the doozy thought of this on a late night after binge watching Twilight of course. Tho the vamp lore is different compared to Twilight’s lore. I don’t see many Gaz fics in my opinion and I’m going absolutely feral for Vamp!Gaz. Some inspo taken from ‘I Wanna Be Yours’ happy Halloween as well :3

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ஓ๑♡๑ஓ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The last thing you could remember before it all went dark was the pain. That burning pain in your stomach as you screamed. It was earth shatteringly painful, “I don’t wanna die here, please don’t let me die here.” You were begging as Gaz could only watch in horror. You weren’t going to make it, “no..no sweetheart you’re gonna be alright come on just keep your eyes open and on me yeah?” His bloodied hands cupped your face as it left red smudges across it. The smell of it filling your nose while it poured out of you.

“Oh my god I’m going too fucking die,” you cried out instinctively pressing your hands at the source of the pain hoping it would save whatever life force you had left. “I don’t wanna die here,” ear piercing scream was all that he could hear as his hands raked through your hair. “I know baby just stay with me you’re gonna be okay,” he muttered as time slipped away faster then he could control. There wasn’t enough time, back up wasn’t going too make it.

Your hand moved to hold his as you tried to cling onto the few breaths, “I-I’m sorry.” He shook his head at you resting his forehead against your own, “no baby it’s not your fault you did what you thought was right.” The decision you made begging for them to kill you instead when the men threatened to shoot Gaz. You guys both made the risk of surrendering for an interrogation for the sake of the mission.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” You could hear Gaz yelling out but it sounded muffled. Ears ringing as you sat bloodied and bruised. Sure they needed to do this integration but you could tell they were enjoying it, getting off on it. Lips sore and gashed from the amount of times you bit down attempting to hush your own screams.

Time is funny like that, moving slower in all the worst times. This was one of them as they broke fingers, pulled teeth, cut at your skin like a pig being butchered. Gaz sat untouched just to get a further kick out of it. “We’ve given you everything we fucking know?!?” He spewed out a range of curses and threats the angered expression on his face yet sat on the verge of tears. “Just let her go,” he was pleading in desperation flipping between anger and fear. The information you provided was seemingly useless and the integrators had grown tired. 

You didn’t have a vest on, neither of you did. They stripped you both of all your belongings meaning before the team even realized something was wrong you’ll be long dead.

Almost like a cruel joke they didn’t shoot you in the head, he had to suffer too. Time slowing to a stop as they aimed at your stomach with a wicked smiles across their faces. You were frozen you didn’t think that far of head. Gaz’s screams over came your ears as realization sunk in. Dying? You were going to die here and you didn’t want too.

The metallic taste began to flood over your tongue coughing up heaps of your own blood. It was in mere seconds before Gaz was in-front of you. Wasn’t he tied to the chair? Your eyes darted around as you tried to search for the men. Only to find them motionless on the ground.

“Come on eyes on me love,” he demanded fearfully as he pulled you closer to him. You could hardly mange to continue holding his hand as the darkness faded in and out. “You know I love you right,” you whispered weakly as he shook his head. “You can tell me that when we get back home,” he hushed your cries before speaking once more.

“I’m sorry, you can hate me later,” before you could even find the strength to respond it all went dark.

It was cold at first in that darkness for what felt like an eternity. So dark you couldn’t even tell if you were blinking or if your eyes were shut. Then the burning came once more but it was worse than before. You wanted to claw at your skin feeling like it had been sat on fire. It was unbearable, your mouth inhumanly hung open to what you had assumed was too scream. You couldn’t even tell if you were screaming as your ears sunk in deafness.

The burning sensation overrunning every single one of your sense at once. As if your veins were being pulled out one by one and sewn back in. You writhed in an inscrutable pain unable to do anything other then hope it was going to end soon.

It was excruciating slow, as if time waited for you just for a cruel joke. You wanted to cry but no more tears would fall. Throat running dry long before your screams would stop, if you even were to begin with. You were petrified stuck in a stillness you couldn’t control. No longer able to move out of your own free will.

Air came and let out your lungs in a fashion that hardly seemed normal. It hurt to breath, to scream, to think, it all hurt. Your heart feeling like just a beat away from stopping entirely. You almost wished it had, death would be merciful compare to any more of this.

A brightness over took your vision beams of light warming your skin. Your eyes fluttered open as you were staring up at the sky. Panic immediately ensued as you sat up in fear as the memories came rushing back. You stared down at your arms flipping them around in confusion, the wounds? The cuts, bruises they were all gone. You should be dead, you felt yourself die? You felt like you but it was so off putting, something was wrong. Like the way your heart beat slowly steadily as your veins felt empty. How your senses seemed to be more heightened than before. Just like that thirst-

“Y/n?” A man called out softly you turned to face the voice ready to fight only to be met with the familiar face of Gaz. You relaxed having found something of semblance. His clothes mirrored your own painted in a bloodied mess, drenched in it. The smell of the blood was suffocating, loud. It made you hesitate the thought of who’s it was, just hoped it was the fuckers who tortured you.

He was okay though, it made you smile a little. You rushed out to hug him letting a heavy breath out you didn’t realize you had been holding. “Gaz?” You called for him almost unsure if he was even real. A soft chuckle came from him, his arms wrapping around you.

You soaked in the hug, a sense of safeness washing over you. You relaxed in his presence as you pulled away. There were a few moments of silence looking over each other. You let out a short laugh, “your okay.” He nodded in response, “I’m okay.” The peace was short lived as you were reminded of what had happened and many questions were unanswered.

You looked at him as you thought over how to even begin, you didn’t even get time to talk before he spoke first. “Listen we need to talk..about what happened,” you noticed the weary expression on his face like he was unsure. You simply nodded as he continued, “I don’t- you might not believe all the things I’m about to tell you but I’m promising you they’re all the truth.”

You made a move to speak but decided against it only making a move to grab his hand instead offering a gentle smile of reassurance. “And I want you to know everything I did was because I love you okay?” he stated. A nervous breath let out from you as he grabbed at your shoulders, “I’m serious y/n,” you muttered an okay glancing over his eyes.

They seemed at fear as if he’d blink to hard and you’d disappear. Like he was clawing at your existence just to keep it around. “Back there you died and I revived you,” he stated you almost let out a duh before he continued. “But what I did didn’t bring you back the same, the injuries were just to serious and I couldn’t-” he stopped mid sentence pulling away from you and digging his hand through his hair.

“Fuck I’m so sorry y/n I didn’t know what to do and I had to you were going too die,” he was almost shaking as he apologized for something you could hardly understand. It was only making half sense and yet he was pleading like he had committed some unforgivable sin.

“Gaz I don’t understand?” You motioned for him once more but he refused pulling back. “Vampires they’re real, I’m one of them and I changed you into one,” he admitted in a panic tone. You stopped in your tracks before barking out a laugh. “Dude seriously what happened?” You said in between your laughter but the look on his face wrote he was more then serious. You raised an eye brow at him as he turned to you.

You waited staring blankly at him, he didn’t seem to be joking. “I’m being serious y/n,” he had a firm expression, redden glare in his eyes. You must’ve made a face causing him to let out a shaky sigh. Before you could question any further he made a sudden hissing sound opening his mouth slightly exposing the sharp fangs.

“Oh.”

He moved to approach you but you stepped back in hesitation. Still taken aback, unsure of the words coming out his mouth. He looked at fear, scared from the expression he had on his face. You thought over all the instances he’d up and disappear for unpredictable amounts of time. Never seen him eat in front of you, odd accelerated healing rates compared too others.

“Oh.”

He stood amiss as you remained silently staring at him. You waited for the punchline, the end of the joke. It never came, vampires? That shit that only exists in movies or books, shit that doesn’t happen to you. You were normal, just another soldier who followed orders and sent off without a moments notice.

It’s numbing at first, a calm before the storm one would say.“What the fuck did you do? What did you do?!?” you didn’t understand how you felt, anger? Grief? He went to reach for you but you shoved his hands away. Pushing at the man banging your fist at his chest as he stood still. In a way deeming he deserved this at the least for the many things he had taken from you. All for the sake of not loosing you.

“Gaz what did you do?” You pushed and yelled, he hadn’t uttered a word. A sob found its way out your throat slumping in his arms. Your movements slowed thinking over all the things you had taken for granted. Immortality and all for what?

He knew no apology would make it right, it’d be a lie if he said he regretted it. “Even if you hate me till the day I petrify I would’ve chosen the same,” for the very first time in his life he had begged to a god he didn’t believe in. For someone he wanted to keep, “I just couldn’t lose you.” Love will make you do many things out of desperate and that was what Gaz had done. Even if you chose to leave him here it was worse than losing you in death.

Out of all the things he prided himself in it was behind able to save others and the one person he cared about the most he couldn’t save. Selfish is what it was, “I know.” You replied softly, you would’ve done the same. Your death in itself was a sacrifice you chose to make if it meant he lived, who knew he was already dead? A beating heart on stolen time and pleads for a salvation.

You wanted to be mad, you had every right to but the anger seeped away just as quick as it rose. Traces of his love crawling through. There was a lot you were going to lose, grieving who you used to be maybe even who you could’ve been. Becoming a vampire sure as hell wasn’t on this year’s bingo card but it seemed so thrilling at the same time. That spark in your dark life created in years of servicing as a dog at war. He ignited a flame within you and it only left you craving more.

You felt your body heat up, a thirst drawing from your stomach laying on your touch. Vision pulsating, short lived pain coming from your gums. Brushing your fingers along the teeth searching for the source finding two symmetrical fangs in place. Dizziness struck you making you sway slightly, a hand grabbed at your arm to keep you upright. Your eyes trailed up the arm to meet his gaze.

Your eyes narrowed at him, reddened eyes laced in a state of hunger. “Shit,” he muttered to himself as he looped his arm further around you. He begun tugging you along as you half focused on what was happening. You didn’t have the energy to bother asking as he pulled you into some shade resting you against a near by wall. Hunger, It was the only thing you could think about, the feeling of it consuming you.

He stood in-front of you with a mixed expression. You laid your head back on the wall heavy breaths were all that you could make. “You need to feed,” he half stated. You almost chuckled in response as if it wasn’t obvious. “You can feed on me,” he added abruptly you debated in protest but the thirst drove past the thoughts of saying no. Your hands moved around his face brushing them down around the back of his neck. You tugged him closer with a strength you didn’t expect causing him to nearly tumbled onto you.

His hands slammed onto the wall placed at either side of your head. He let out an exhale, your fingers plying at the skin around his neck. “Are you sure?” you questioned in a softness. “Yeah,” he almost humed his response. You moved your mouth near his neck letting out a hiss, fangs outstretching.

Your teeth treaded along the skin hardly breaking skin, he made a sudden groan as you pulled away slightly. “You gotta bite me love,” he chuckled lowly whispering sweetly in your ear. You bit down on your lip as cravings pooled in your mind, desires dripping off your fangs. They almost hurt in a hungry soreness.

You leaned closer hesitating once more before sinking your teeth into his skin. He bellowed out an animistic growl as his blood flooded in your mouth. It was sweet in all the wrong ways, too sweet. It felt like you were drunk on the the taste, his taste. Like a nectar that was made just for you to drink from. You weren’t sure when to stop nor how too. Your nails dug at the skin of his shoulders pulling him closer almost out of fear you’d lose the taste.

“Y/n,” he called out your name but it was muffled your mind fogging. “Y/n…I need you to stop,” he was panting out his sentences each word coming out mushed together. He was to good too stop, you mewled in response. Sure a vampire couldn’t die from having the last bits of life sucked out of them but it didn’t mean it didn’t drive him crazy.

“Bunny I really need you to stop or I won’t be able to control what happens next,” he groaned out in a frenzied frustration. You pulled away from him, satisfaction filling your senses. Drops of his blood fell from you lips trailing down your chin. You looked up at him as if you were still starved. The smell of it alone carved in your brain. “What if I don’t want you too?” a smirk found it was on your face as he loomed over you.

“You’re fuckin’ crazy, my crazy but still fuckin’ crazy,” he let out laugh staring down at you. You felt a sense of madness crowding you, beckoning you. Telling you pretty lies and desires. You got a second change at life so there’s no use in beating around the bush this time. There was a pause in his movements when his hand firmly gripped your chin. Face inches from yours with a glare of ravenous lust. “Do not say things you don’t mean so flimsily,” your eyes widened in surprise his tone written in preeminence.

“I’m not want you need, just what you want,” he paused a hitch in the deep breath he took.

“So unless you plan on following through I suggest you keep those thoughts in that pretty head of yours.”

Speechless is how he had you. Since when was he like this? Even more damming to say you kinda liked it. His tongue licked up the trail of his own blood from your chin locking his lips on yours. The left over sweetened taste coating your tongues.

There it was that edge, you felt so full yet starved at the same damn time. Further pushing his body closer to yours, finger tips pressing into skin with a hopelessness. Shivers ran down your spine when he finally pulled away leaving behind a breathless state of you. You felt an inch of shame the thought of asking for more crossing your mind. Nail bitingly beautiful he was, he knew that too.

Gaz tended to get a level of cockiness when it came to you. Pride in knowing it was only him that could every truly fulfill you. He found the new you enjoyable, durable, pliable. He wouldn’t have to be as gentle, he didn’t have to hold back. He knew he was no good, shamefully so.

His hand reached towards your face softly taking parts of your hair twirling it through his fingers. He took in a deep breath taking in the new scent of yours, he smiled a bit releasing your hair. He raised himself off the wall grabbing at your hand.

His smile turned into a smirk fangs outstretching, “come on I’ll teach you how to hunt.”

[minzis]

This Gaz vampire fic I’m working on has me crawling and bouncing off the walls like a rabid hyena on crack.

[minzis]

The way I rolled over in my bed and began kicking my feet wildly. König as Ghostface??? UGHHHH😩

Since spooky season is upon us...

Do you think Konig would put a costume on for Halloween?

No, he isn't a kid!! Wait, why are you crying? No, Schatzen, don't cry, he would put on a costume! He is very reluctant about it at first because Austria doesn't have as strong a tradition with Halloween as other countries, and because his very traditional Catholic family was against anything they believed in. His family sucked, so he has no traditions regarding Halloween - especially in his formative years. He became a bit more open to the idea after getting to know American soldiers and hanging out with them. If his darling wants him to dress up...this man grew up on meaty gory slashers that he was watching in secret, so he would be willing to put on Jason's mask, but only if you are pestering him enough! If his darling is more of a Ghostface girlie, he is a bit more reluctant because he saw all the movies, and he doesn't want to be a twink in the mask! Then Mrs.Konig shows him some tiktoks with sexy Ghostface cosplayers and, well, he is way more beefy than them, he can do better! Konig is jealous of the guys you are looking at in your silly little phone, so he surprises you one day, barging into your shared house in a Ghostface mask and some unusually dark tactical gear. You are scared when you're pinned down under a large, anonymous figure...and then you hear his adorable accent and that boyish tone, and your struggles became a bittt less strong and more like grinding your pussy against his crotch. Konig is willing to fuck all fantasies about masked killers from your mind so he could be the only one,

[minzis]

ʚ MasterList ɞ

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–Cod Fics—– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

༺König

The Devil Has A New Lover (Obsession)

༺Keegan

I’ll Crawl Home To Her (Hurt/Comfort)

༺Gaz

Prosecute My Sins (Vampire!Gaz)

༺Ghost

My Achilles Heel (Hurt/Comfort)

Because It Was You (Angst)

Ghost Snippets Pt 1

Ghost Snippets Pt 2

The Ghost of Her(Angst)

༺Soap

When You Know (Angst)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–Mha Fics—– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

༺Shigaraki

Atonement(Angst)

[minzis]

I’ll Crawl Home To Her

✦❘༻Summary: Keegan’s finally back from one of the longest deployments he’s had since you’ve been together. Since the last time you spoke the gap between you was only furthering by the day.

✦❘༻Tags: Angst turned to comfort? 1.3k words.

✦❘༻A/N: This fic is based off ‘Work Song,’ by Hozier :3

•┈୨♡୧┈•

His loud footsteps followed the slam of the front door. You rose in excitement rushing towards the door. "Keegan?" You called his name out with a bright smile on your face. It had been months since you've seen each other. A long aching 6 month deployment, you stood a few feet in-front of him as he stayed near the doorway. He wasn't smiling with his usual wide grin. He wasn't scooping you up in his arms kissing at you like his life depended on it.

He was standing there bags on the floor with a grim look on his face. What was worse then it all something told you that the sadness in his face was meant for you. As if you had done him wrong and tore him apart mercilessly. Your hand clung at your chest, shirt wrinkling between your fingers as if it would sooth the sudden pangs in your heart.

It was hurting in a way you weren’t sure you could fix, racing erratically. The pounding in your chest that was almost deafening. You weren’t sure if you should reach for him asking what had happened? What you must’ve done so damning or was this it?

He’s finally going to say it wasn’t he? You stiffened under his gaze as you broke apart, praying the the words would never come. ‘I want to break up,’ you knew it was coming the signs were continuous. Your heart couldn’t take it, you were going to say no. Beg him to stay, beg him too love you one more time. Your eyes watered at the thought of him leaving of that door and never coming back and it only furthered the pain.

You bit down on your lip harshly the taste of metallic coating your tongue as you remembered the last time you two were face to face. You yelled, he yelled, a screaming match between who could be the loudest. It was a stupid fucking argument hell you couldn’t even remember why you were ever mad at him in the first damn place.

The thought of pleading, even begging for forgiveness of the words you hardly remember saying during the argument. You knew you didn’t mean them. A lump formed in your throat as you choked back a sob. He stared at you with an expression you’ve never seen him make. You blinked back the tears that threatened to fall at any moment choosing to speak before he could.

“Don’t leave me.”

“Why didn’t you reply to my letters?”

Your voices lapped over each other both looking up at the same time surprised by the other. Both sounding like desperate pleads. “Letters?” it was a one worded question as you looked over him stepping closer. “I wrote you every week? And you never replied!?” He was shaking, his voice sounded pained as he spoke. Letters? There were letters, “you wrote me?” It was a question but one for yourself as you tried to understand the situation. Nearly feeling sick as you replayed every scenario over in your head.

“Keegan what letters?” Another question this time for him, he looked confused as if you were simply trying to joke. You shook your head almost silently confirming his thoughts, “Y/n do you know how many times I wrote you?” He was tapping at his chest almost laced with anger but it never reached you like he was angry with himself. “I poured every ounce of my being into those letters and you never replied?” Rhetorical, spoken in hints of disbelief. Desperation, his hands clinging and pulling at his own hair.

You felt a sense of relief wash over you one that hoped he was still your Keegan. Yet it was quickly formed into a panic, there were letters you never received. Days upon weeks he sat in a stillness that you were ignoring him. He never called cause he was writing instead, his assumptions that he was losing you. Just as you felt you were losing him.

“I never received any letters, I-I thought you-,” your voice crumbled once more, the thought he didn’t love you itching at your brain. The sinking feeling in your chest that never went away as you used to think over the years you’ve spent together. Laughter echoing in the memories of what us used to feel like. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore,” you choked out looking over his confused eyes.

“You never got any letters?” He questioned in seriousness grabbing at your hands, he looked relieved? Despite the months of pain and anguish at the aching thoughts of coming home to an empty house. A cold house without you to keep it warm. Levels of fear he had only know when it came to the thought of losing you. He let out a chuckle hoping it’d sooth his own pains. You shook your head at his question clinging your arms at his waist.

“I’m telling you I never got any letters,” you clawed at him hoping for all the things he’s heard you say he’d believe this one. That he would understand you would never purposely put him through what must’ve felt like hell. How many times he asked if he had any mail, an answer that always remained the same further crushing his beliefs of being happy with you.

“I don’t know wether to be relieved or upset,” he laughed weakly as you rested your head on his chest. The restlessness left your body as you felt a sense that you and him were going to be fine. “I thought I lost you and that you didn’t want-,” he didn’t even allow you to finish the sentence cutting you off his hands moving too your face.

The warmth of his hands soaking through as they always used too. How they always should be, “Y/n, l’ve never love someone as much as I love you." His voice paused as it seemed he was choking back his own cries. “You are who I live and breath for, the person who keeps my heart beating so don’t you ever dare think that I could ever stop loving you,” you sniffled in repose unable to stop the tears any longer. His hands pulled at yours placing it over his heart. “You feel that? It’s yours, all yours and it will only ever be yours. I will never be capable of loving someone that isn’t you.” His heart raced underneath your palm as your cries turned into sobs.

“I love you more than words will ever describe,” your voice cracked and splintered as the words poured out from you. “And it frightens me Keegan,” your heart whispered sitting open on a platter coated in prays he wouldn’t drop it. Wishes that he’d only ever love you and you alone for the rest of your lives.

The man who you wanted to grow old with, each grey hairs showing the years you’ve spent together. How could you ever dare to think he didn’t love you? As if he’d ever give up on being with you. He kissed the top of your forehead, his fingers wiping at your tears. He was trembling as he held you, his chin resting up on top of your head. Scared is what he had been all them months, scared of loosing the last thing he’d ever care for more than himself.

“I love you,” he repeated once more to make sure you heard, that you knew. You could only cry harder with this shaking feeling it was suddenly going to up and disappear. “Promise, I need you to promise me you’ll always come back through that door,” your fingers dug at the edges of his jacket in fear he’d still change his mind. “Always and forever,” he whispered.

[minzis]

Posting on tumbler for the first time reminds me of the time I first tried using Facebook and was left dumbfounded😭

[minzis]

My foot in itchy ☹️

Got pull out the good ole itch cream👌🏽

[minzis]

જ⁀➴ My blog is not intended for anyone under the age of 18 as my work may occasionally contain nsfw content. That being said I’m not responsible for anything you choose to read so please be respectful of my boundaries.

જ⁀➴ Just wanna say off the bat I will have suggestive content but nothing that’ll be full on smut.

Current interest: Mostly Cod :3

Favorite Genres: Angst/Comfort!

Recent Works: Atonement(Shigaraki)

Redirects: Masterlist

•─────⋅☾Things To Note☽⋅─────•

❥ There will occasionally be darker themes within my content which will always be in the description at the start of every post. So I do not want or will tolerate any hate comments nor take any responsibility for the works of mine you choose to read.

❥ Nothing I write is anywhere near realistic nor meant to be. This is just all for funzies and fictional so please don’t take my works to heart ^-^

❥ I am a semi slow writer at times so please do not expect frequent works as I tend to get very picky about what I write and want to make sure you guys are only getting the best I can offer.

❥ Probably won’t have many or if any series at all as I prefer writing one shots over anything.

❥ My work will be kinda mixed from here on out I will be exploring many different genres just to further my own skills. But I will more then likely dabble in other fandoms I’m interested in.

❥ I don’t take any request but my inbox is open for you guys so feel free to drop whatever you want in there. If you want to request fine by me but do not have any expectations of them being fulfilled.

[minzis]

Babe, listen

Your fic isn’t a flop, it’s a cult classic. Only the coolest freaks like it, don’t worry about it, it’s great.