mirrren

[mirrren]

Major spoilers for ep 17 of 911

Ughhhhh okay I’m gonna get beat up for saying this but we throw around words like “gaslight” and “narcissist” so much online that sometimes I feel like there are a lot of people that don’t entirely realize what those words mean. Allow me to give a perfect example, from someone who was raised by a narcissist (hi daaadddd): watch the newest 911 episode and listen to the way Eddie talks to Buck when Buck gets home. I’m not even going to get into the train wreck of an argument they had before, no, for now we’re just focusing on the after.

Something narcissists love to do when they know they’re in the wrong is to shift focus. They’ll give you a gift they know you like, or take you somewhere special, all while ignoring the elephant in the room. It’s a way to manipulate your emotions. You’re so mad at them and then woah! Now you’re going to a fancy restaurant or you have a new diamond necklace. Or someone you miss has just come home from Texas. What a big family reunion this is. It’s a way to make them feel better about themselves, make them seem like the good guy. Remember in Tangled when mother gothel and repunzel got into an argument about seeing the lights, and then mother gothel came back home she announced she was going to make hazelnut soup? She doesn’t bring up the argument until she notices that her “gift” hasn’t shifted the blame effectively. Now, in Eddie’s case it actually works, and Buck doesn’t bring up their argument, so Eddie gets the glory of being the good guy.

Let’s rewind a little bit now. Folded sheets and a note that says “gone to the airport.” Do you fold your sheets when you sleep on a friend’s couch? Maybe if you’re polite. But the inclusion of this detail better serves as a way to hint to the audience that Eddie may be gone forever. Still it works to prove that Eddie had malicious intent. He could’ve put the note on the fridge. He could’ve written “brb” or hell, maybe even texted Buck to let him know. But he didn’t, I wonder why? Gaslighting 101 tells you that if you want to actually make someone feel like they’re crazy it has to be significant and insignificant at the same time. You can’t just say “no” and expect someone to be efficiently gaslighted. If you want to manipulate someone it has to be plausible, something you can twist or something you know they’ll forget. I was born at 10:50 but my dad always insisted I was born at 11. He was able to gaslight me through this because he knew 1. I didn’t have proof and 2. It was so close in time that it really didn’t matter. A few years ago he started to say I was born at 10:50 and any time I tried to argue that he always said 11 before, he would deny. I didn’t have proof that he said that, and I felt like I was going crazy.

Now, mirrren, you ask, what does your traumatic backstory have to do with Eddie Díaz of 911 fame? Hang on I’ll get to it. When buck came home surprised that Eddie was there, Eddie said “my note said I was going to the airport. The airport and Texas are not the same. They don't even have the same amount of letters in their—” which is true, but he never said he was going to be back either. It’s his tone that gets me. “Buck is so stupid for not realizing that he was coming back, Buck should’ve known, Buck is so lucky I’m around because I’m the only thing keeping him attached to sanity, I am a great person for doing this to Buck.” It’s patronizing, and it’s insulting. Narcissists do this a lot. Most of what makes gaslighting insanity inducing is the fact that the manipulator makes you feel like you’re stupid, like you’re just a kid. Maybe Eddie wasn’t intending to manipulate Buck, but his words and his tone indicate the opposite. If he wanted to make Buck feel like he left to Texas that’s still messed up for a friend to do. Even if I shipped buddie I would feel that way. Because this interaction was just so similar to how my dad made me feel every day of my life.

It’s understandable if those of you didn’t know that this behavior was a red flag. I don’t want to hate on any buddie shippers out there. But this behavior is concerning, even if it’s just a plot device or bad writing, it’s indicative of unfavorable characteristics and I can’t support Eddie after that interaction. I know it was an apology. He says “heard some dick was being mean to you” and sure I guess that is apologizing but does he ever say sorry? Does he even say that it was him that’s being mean? And if he did say sorry, or even if he did say it was him, what kind of apology is that? Make your best friend think you’ve left forever just to return with two people you know he likes? Nah I’m still mad, bud.

I had a lot more I wanted to say, but this is already so goddamn long I’ll cut it short here.

[mirrren]

Look, I know it’s popular to dunk of millennial humor but we need to remember that that stuff was funny to us at the time, too. We are not immune to the popular memes. And if u think about it, every form of humor contains the same key elements. We are not above millennials, we find caveman speech funny, too. Not that I’m trying to defend millennials that use baby speech unironically, I’m just saying we could all use a little bit of a reality check when it comes to hating.

[mirrren]

MOOKIE GO GET ME A FUCKING CIGARETTE

[mirrren]

Someone tell these TikTok editors to put a goddamn STROKE OVER THEIR TEXT. I can’t READ that shit cus it’s WHITE AS THE MOTHERFUCKING SUN

[mirrren]

I wish my mom wouldn’t observe me

[mirrren]

“I’m fine with gay people/poc but I just don’t want that shoved down my throat all the time.”

I didn’t know I was trans until COVID, when tiktok saw a large influx of trans and genderqueer creators talking about their experience online. I believe that if I had never seen that representation, I would probably still think I was cis, and be unhappy with no idea why.

When I was really young, I saw a video on TLC about a young girl who was born a boy. She wore dresses and played princess with her family. TLC described it as a mental disorder, being born in the body of one gender but believing in your brain that you are another. 2014 wasn’t a very good year for trans representation for me.

I thought that because I liked princesses and dressing up and playing with dolls that that meant that I was meant to be a girl. I didn’t ignore the calling inside of me that told me I should’ve been born different because I thought every girl secretly wanted to be a boy. I wanted to be a mother and a singer, and a father and a teacher.

In 2020 I thought I was gender-fluid, because I still wanted to be pretty, but some days I wanted to be tough. No one told be men can be both. Until I saw a creator on tiktok, a cis man that dressed in lace and ribbon, with long curly hair. And in 2021 I realized I was a boy.

I’ve been a man for four years now. I was born a girl. Morgan still lives in me, and she shines in tie-dye skirts and flowery dresses. Morgan is me because Morgan is a man that likes to dance, and teach, and skate, and sing.

If I hadn’t heard about what transness really is, that it’s not one linear story of knowing your entire life, then I believe I would still be Morgan now. Morgan would be immortalized only in words, carved into the gravestone 6 feet above my head.

So, I get that you don’t want trans stories, women’s stories, gay, lesbian, asexual, black stories “shoved down your throat,” but this isn’t about you. This is for all the little girls who want to be a boy.

[mirrren]

I love those TikTok initial pair posts because sometimes they’ll put E and M together and I don’t know anyone w the other initial so it’s just me and my deadname against the world 🥰

[mirrren]

I’m sure this is hilarious, however, I stopped paying attention when the prompt was given and I’m too lazy to go back and rewatch.

[mirrren]

What do you mean. That’s the same tag

[mirrren]

HELL YEAH SAY GEX

[mirrren]

Okay. I can die happy now

Hang on asteroid, don’t hit me yet, my one piece figures still haven’t arrived

[mirrren]

Hang on asteroid, don’t hit me yet, my one piece figures still haven’t arrived

[mirrren]

Rip to anyone who is currently in Mr. Snyder’s physics or biology class today. I just know he’s being insufferable abt trump ending dei

[mirrren]

If anyone can find ANY merch of this fine piece of ass I will give you my life

[mirrren]

Mmmmm I don’t like this notification

[mirrren]

I think suicide is the only way I can regain my dignity after making this

[mirrren]

Hey sports fans, I’m super bowl