missslurpie

[missslurpie]

James: The shining? 

Sirius: Oh ive seen that movie 

James: Its great 

Regulus: Totally not scary 

Stares at Y/n*

Y/n: What 

James and Sirius: Nothing 

James: which part are you up to 

Y/n: Danny just went into room 217 

James: Oh the best part...that dead lady in the bathtub

Y/n: Nononono come on you're gonna ruin it 

James: Alright ill talk in code 

James: Remember when blank see those two blanks in the hallway 

Sirius: yeah I remember 

James: All blank and no blank. Makes blanks a blank blank 

Sirius: Oh no no the end 

James: When jack almost kills them all with the blank but then in the last second they get away 

Y/n: i cant believe you just did that 

Sirius: i cant believe she cracked your code 

Y/n: Alright ok Laurie proposed to jo and she said no even though she's still in love with him and then he ends up marrying Amy 

James gasps and covers his ears*

James: hey mine was on accident. Alright the boiler explodes and destroys the hotel and kills the dad 

Y/n: Beth dies 

James gasps even louder and widens his eyes. Y/n grins innocently*

James: Beth... Beth dies? 

Y/n: Mhm 

James: is that true if i keep reading is Beth going to die 

Remus: no she doesnt die, she doenst die

Y/n: What 

Sirius: James is asking if you’ve just ruined the first book hes ever loved that didn’t star jack nicholson 

Y/n: no she doesn't die 

James: then why would you say that 

Y/n: Because... nevermind 

[missslurpie]

James was sitting on the floor drooling while Sirius was holding a necklace*

Sirius: Where do I get another necklace with a t on it 

James: its a cross, Sirius 

Sirius: Across from where? 

[missslurpie]

Remus: You have smoke coming out from your ears

Y/n glares at him and goes to eat her food*

Remus: No seriously ive never seen you this mad before 

Peter: Yeah what happened 

Y/n points at James and Sirius: They were specifically told by multiple head boys and girls and prefects and even McGonagall, no fighting, no swearing, and no drinking alcohol in the common rooms.

Y/n looks at James: And i caught you bashing Sirius' head on the floor shouting don't touch my bloody beer 

[missslurpie]

Remus: From now on we are going to be open and honest in this loft

Peter: Sirius says sometimes he thinks about you when he makes love to himself

Y/n: what

Sirius: One time 

Y/n: WHAT 

Sirius: James told me hes done it a bunch of times to lily 

Peter: Padfoot you told me the first time you spent the night with Y/n you had a sex dream about her and that she had racoon hands 

Sirius: Dreams do not count 

Y/n: What the fuck is going on 

Sirius: Its not that big of a deal 

Remus: We're going back to keeping to ourselves  

[missslurpie]

Remus comes back and looks at his notes*

Remus: Someone's tampered with my equations 

Peter: Are you sure 

Remus: Of course I'm sure look at the beta function of quantum chrono dynamics the sign's been changed 

James: Oh yea 

Sirius: But doesn't that fix the problem you've been having 

Remus: Are you insane are you out of your mind are you- oh it fixes the problem i've been having 

Y/n: Your welcome 

Remus: You did this 

Y/n: Yeah i noticed when I got up to get a glass of water so I fixed it now you can show that quarks are asymptotically free at high energies 

James: Pretty cool huh 

Remus: Cool? 

Y/n: Listen I gotta go to class thanks for a great night 

Remus also stands up: Hold on HOLD ON 

Y/n: What 

Remus: who told you you could touch my notes 

Y/n: No one 

Remus: I don’t go into your notebook and touch your notes 

Y/n: There are no incorrect equations in my notes 

Remus: Oh that is so...so... 

Y/n: im sorry i gotta run if you come up with an adjective mail me 

Remus: Inconsiderate that is the adjective inconsiderate 

[missslurpie]

After a fight with the marauders*

Y/n: Oh look who it is. The liar, the bitch ,and the slutty wardrobe  

Stomps off*

Remus: I'm not the liar 

James: I'm obviously the bitch 

All look at Sirius*

James: Slutty wardrobe

[missslurpie]

Y/N: Stop talking about me like I'm not here 

Snape: Then leave

Y/N: I told you guys

Sirius, Regulus, James, Remus, Peter, Mary, Lily, Marlene

Snape: Told them what exactly 

Snape and Y/n stand face to face

Snape: That youre a liar?

Y/N: No that you're a shit talking bitch

Lily: Oof 

James: I've got to agree with Y/n though 

Sirius: that's my girl

[missslurpie]

Barely gets on train before it leaves. Remus sees Y/n, Sirius, and James run onto the train* 

Remus: How did you guys get here 

James: We, well Y/n stole someone's car drove here 

Remus: you what?

Later on the train*

Remus, still shocked: Can we talk about how Y/n literally stole someone's car and drove here 

Y/n: Well everybody has a bad cousin that teaches you a few things. Like how to smoke, how to pick pocket, how to hot-wire a car...

Sirius: how to put tacks on your shoe when you want to throw up a lie detector test...

Peter: Which cousin was it  

Y/n: I am the cousin 

[missslurpie]

James: i asked a girl out 

Lily: Oh im sorry 

James: Why 

Lily: Oh I assumed she said no 

James: No she said yes 

Lily: Really 

James: Yup 

Looks around proudly*

Lily: Oh im sorry for her

[missslurpie]

McGonagall looks at her watch  

McGonagall: L/N! Potter? Black? 

Y/N: Sorry professor I haven't seen them since the last time I saw them 

McGonagall: And when was that 

Y/N: Last time i saw them? Was definitely the time i saw them last 

McGonagall sighs 

[missslurpie]

Sirius: I think we should get a divorce.

Y/N: What are you talking about?

Sirius: Just practicing 

James spits out some of his water*: What why are you planning your hypothetical divorce?

Sirius: I don’t know I think im having … a quarter life crisis 

Y/N: Dude were never getting married, why do you do this to our relationship 

Sirius: HYpOtHeTiCaLlY divorce me 

Y/N: Fine then im hypothetically taking half your assets 

Sirius: Well you didn’t sign the hypothetical prenup... it’s called a prenup right moony 

Remus: Yeah its a prenup, and you did hypothetically sign one so 

Y/N: Who tf is this guy 

Sirius: My hypothetical lawyer in this hypothetical marriage 

Y/N: Well then im taking the hypothetical kids, right we can get those?

James: Yes we can definitely get the hypothetical kids don’t worry about it 

Sirius: Who tf is this hypothetical nerd fuckin idiot carrot head nerd 

James: Wow that’s a lot- 

Sirius: Stupid idiot

James: a lot of hypothetical insults considering im just as smart if not smarter than the other lawyer 

Y/N: This is my hypothetical and we have been hypothetically sleeping with each other 

Sirius: How could you hypothetically- how could you hypothetically do this to me 

Y/N: Because hypothetically youre not good at sex 

Sirius: That’s bullshit and you know it 

[missslurpie]

Remus: can anyone tell me who wrote The Great Gatsby?

James: Judy Blume?

Sirius: Hitler?

Y/N: Jesus?

Peter: You?

Remus: F. Scott Fitzgerald

Peter: Who's that?

Remus: The author

Y/N: Well, why are you saying fuck him?

Remus: What?

Y/N: you just said f Scott Fitzgerald, what did he do to you? 

James: yeah

Remus: No that's his first name

Sirius: his name is Fuck Scott Fitzgerald?

Remus: What no

James: then what does f stand for

Remus: Francis!

Sirius: nooo its gotta be fuck 

James: it must be 

Peter: yeah

Y/N: it has to be fuck 

Remus: why the hell would it be fuck 

Sirius: well otherwise, why wouldn’t he just say it? 

Y/N: Yup hes hiding something, its fuck 

Sirius: come on read between the lines Moony

James: its gotta be fuck 

Remus: that’s completely insane, you guys are idiots wait till I tell lily 

[missslurpie]

Wattpad + Tumblr Masterlist

Fred: Knock knock.

Hermione: Who’s there?

Fred: Mary.

Hermione: Mary who?

Fred: *kneels on one knee and opens a small velvet box* Marry me.

Hermione:

- -

The next day

George: So how did it go?

Fred: She said yes

George: Aweso—

Fred: after she was done hitting me with a slipper for proposing with a knock knock joke.

Lee: You did WHAT—

George: *highfives Fred* atta boy!

Fred: :D

Lee:

[missslurpie]

Andrew Garfield Answers the Web’s Most Searched Questions | WIRED

[missslurpie]

Imagine James and Ron ever met each other and realized that Harry just chose his dad as his best friend.

Ron: What do you mean? We’re not that alike

James: Yeah, I mean no offense but I’m not that similar to this guy.

Me: Describe your wife.

Ron and James (simultaneously): A brilliant muggle-born witch that didn’t get that well with me at the start and was in the same House as me.

Ron and James look at each other in surprise.

James (shocked): W-well that was just a coincidence.

Ron (equally as shocked): Y-yeah, just a coincidence.

Me: Describe your best friend.

Ron and James (simultaneously): Loyal impulsive guy who wasn’t liked at his home so he went to live with me.

Ron and James are shocked again.

Me: Quidditch or books?

Ron and James (quickly): Quidditch.

Me: Most noticeable thing about your wife’s appearance?

Ron and James (quickly): Her hair!

Me: Potions or transfiguration?

Ron and James (quickly): Transfiguration!

Me: What do you do to impress girls whenever they walk by?

Ron and James: I run my fingers through my hair to make it look windswept! 

Ron and Jame gasp.

Me: See? You’re really simi-

James: Do you have a Gryffindor dorm mate that seems like he is a coward but is still one of your three closest friend?

Ron thinking of Neville: Yep! How about a bigot prat in Slytherin that called the girl you fancied the M-slur?

James thinking of Snivellus: Check! Were you part of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team?

Ron: Bloody hell, yes! Did you ever break the rules or even the law to help your friends?!

James: Of course I did, why wouldn’t I? They’re my friends! Did you get an academic achievement even when you thought someone else would get it?!

Ron: Yes! I was prefect instead of Harry! Favorite quidditch team?

James: Ballycastle Bats

Ron sighing in relief: Chudley Cannons.

James sighing in relief as well: Really? I wouldn’t have pegged you for a team like that.

Ron: Well they’re underdogs. Someone needs to support them don’t you think?

James: I suppose so. And the Bats have all this weight on their shoulders because they’re the champions and everyone’s always expecting them to be the overachievers.

Ron and James (simultaneously): I really identify with them.

Both eyes get wide open as they look at each other and mirror their movements. 

James: Are you sure you are not my son?

Ron: I- I don’t know anymore.

Me: …

[missslurpie]

Fixing plot holes again. If you’ve been wondering why Weasley twins “haven’t noticed” Peter Pettigrew, here is the only plausible explanation, cause i’m personally not happy with the “they’ve been looking the other way” version

[missslurpie]

JKR: *Mentions Marlene, Dorcas & Mary once*

JKR: *Explains 3% of Remus, Sirius, James, Lily and Regulus*

JKR: *Makes Peter a traitor*

JKR: *Makes The Marauders bullies*

JKR: *Kills them all*

The fandom: *Comes up with Headcanons for these characters' sexualities, childhood, parents, favorite beverage, favorite food, the way they act when they are drunk, who they date, identities, the way they dress, favorite songs, how they act when they are sad, how they act when they are happy, how they act when they are angry, how they sleep, how they take they coffee or tea, mental illnesses, mental conditions, them as songs, Halloween costumes, Christmas Presents, sweets they like, jewelry they wear, friendships between each other, relationships between each other, when they lost their virginity, how they like sex, NSFW Headcanons, blood type, zodiac sign, religion, how they dance, what shows they watch, favorite movies, favorite superhero, favorite villain, them as dishes, them as drinks, what they wear for a club, what they wear for the beach, what they wear for the mountain, how they manage their social media, what kind of smartphones they have, if they are dog or cat people, if they are vegan or not, ideal jobs, jobs they actually have, future plans, if they want kids or not, dreams and hopes, worst fears, nightmares they have, them as colors, them as partners, them as our partners, how they decorate their rooms, how they act on the dentist's appointment, how they act on a doctor's appointment, childhood traumas, them as Greek Gods, them as celebrities, them as books, books they read, favorite author, favorite singer, music abilities, sport abilities, weird abilities...etc(insert more)*

Literally everyone else: You need help...

The fandom: *sighing* We know