mrsebastianbeau

[mrsebastianbeau]

Why Can’t I Sleep? - Original Song Lyrics + Explanation

Demo linked at end :)

Why can’t I sleep? // Why do I speak?

Why are memories always so relentless?

I can’t leave them be // Because they keep leaving me

Beat down, reflective and senseless

And though there’s imagery // It’s so far from a dream

That won’t let go of me

I don’t want them to survive // Wish I could let the damn past die

Because it always hurts to find // That what you had’s been lost to time

How do they sleep? // What secrets do they keep?

How do they make their words keep sounding normal?

Feel I’m in too deep // Because it’s more than a dream

Wouldn’t say it’s exactly real

It’s way past my bedtime // But my head’s buzzing with rhymes

They ain’t great, but hey

I don’t want them to survive // Wish I could let the damn past die

Because it always hurts to find // That what you had’s been lost to time

Why can’t I sleep?

Why can’t I sleep?

Why can’t I sleep?

Why can’t I sleep?

[Sick musical breakdown occurs]

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

I wrote this song in my first year of University, around 2020/2021. It was the first time I was living away from home, in student halls with six strangers plus my best friend who had the room next to mine. It was exciting times, it felt like I was finally on the right track with my music now that I was taking a degree in songwriting. Yet I suppose I had a lot of small stresses. It was COVID-times, so unfortunately the social aspect of being a student was pretty much out the door. I was always just the slightest, teeny-tiniest bit sheltered growing up, so I had no idea how to talk to my sudden new flatmates. I had a lot of course work to do, and quite prominent undiagnosed ADHD that had plagued me my whole academic life (and regular life too, now I think about it), so it felt like I had already hit the ground 10 miles behind.

So, thusly, henceforth, therefore… ✨Insomnia!✨

Man oh man, could I not sleep. It was such a good time, which I say insincerely, because I’m lying. It was awful, and unfortunately something I still experience on an irregular, but not too irregular basis. Eventually, a habit kind of formed at this point that would stick with me for the rest of my uni years. Every time I couldn’t sleep, I’d pick up my guitar and quietly play it, trying to come up with something - anything worth a damn in the slightest, really. A tired brain isn’t always the most effective when trying to be creative though, so often times I’d find myself just getting frustrated at getting nowhere until my energy was all used up and I could sleep.

Still, on my hopeless, sleepless nights, I kept going back to the guitar. At some point, I think the only thing in my head in those late hours was how much I wish I was asleep, sorta like a mantra, or maybe a taunt? And I suppose that’s when my next genius idea happened. That being “why don’t I write a song about that thing that I feel?” and at that point they pretty much just fucking handed me the degree. In all honesty, when I finally found my lyrical hook or theme or whatever, I blasted through the rest of it. I had never finished the lyrics to a song that quickly before (or at least lyrics I liked), and have since only surpassed that time once (for lyrics I liked).

And on the days I could sleep, my flatmate in the other room next to mine would indirectly keep me up well into the night. He took his fair share of drugs, and he had like 0 volume control. One time he spent like five straight hours, from high moon to rising sun, walking back and forth from his room to the kitchen, slamming both doors as he went. He did this in intervals of like two minutes apart from each other. In the morning he had no recollection of this. I understand it sounds like I have gotten sidetracked, but I have never before spoken of that night, so I wrote this paragraph for catharsis. Sue me lol.

Anyway, I wrote this song, made big money, and lived happily ever after. This is something I can say, because as we established previously, I am capable of lying ;).