murkyshitposting

[murkyshitposting]

man, what am i going to do?

[murkyshitposting]

does the Earth no longer love me because i am not a child?

does the deer no longer stay with me because it does not recognize the innocence that once resided in me, that it represents so dutifully?

does the ocean no longer laugh with me? its waves, once full of familiarity, once whispering the secrets of the creatures in its depths, in a language only i could hear; does it see that i no longer have that once intimate playfulness in my soul?

the ocean's waves touch me, but i do not hear its promise of safety, its assurances of time well spent. the waves circle me and pull away, uncertainly, without the closeness i once felt.

the deer stare, and they turn away -- they no longer see that i won't hurt them, they no longer understand the language my soul speaks. the birds scatter, the rabbit runs, the fox scurries through the gate -- not to be seen again.

the Earth no longer loves me, because i am not a child.

[murkyshitposting]

say what you will about your college roommate, but you'll never forget the perfume they use. the way their alarm sounds. the music they play while doing homework. their winter class schedule, because it woke you up in the mornings. the oatmeal they'd warm up in the microwave. their shower time.

[murkyshitposting]

i actually need a daily matcha

[murkyshitposting]

i am so blessed to not be allergic to grass or pollen. my heart goes out to all those who cannot enjoy springtime picnics or naps in a sunny meadow without dreadful sinus issues.

feeling good. love being such an immune young lady. wins for murky

[murkyshitposting]

why do i constantly feel like i need to be shot immediately when around anyone ever

[murkyshitposting]

born to live, forced to do homework.

[murkyshitposting]

my first reaction when finding out someone was an alcoholic was the thought "i can fix him". unironically. images of him crying and telling me why with his head in my lap came to mind and circulated for so long and now i cannot tell if i am in love with him or simply have a savior complex. (have talked to him maybe five times in my life. he offered me whiskey out of a flask one time. dear god help me)

[murkyshitposting]

put your head in my lap. let me run my fingers through your hair. let me trace patterns on your back, your arms, your hips. let me hum a song playing in the background while you close your eyes. come closer to me. relax, close your eyes. close your eyes and trust me. close your eyes and feel safe. let me help you feel better. let me call you "honey" and say kind things. let me read a book aloud to you, let me turn the lights off, let me make you tea. let me hold you, let me feel you. tell me the things that bother you so i can make it better. let me bandage your scraped knee, your bruised knuckles, your damaged heart. let me care for you.

it's all i want.

[murkyshitposting]

sometimes i hate my mother so much it feels good. sometimes i love her so much it hurts. i'm not sure which she deserves.

whichever it is, she does not deserve what she gets from my father. she gave up her hopes, her dreams, her life, to be my mother, and my brother's mother, and god even my father's mother. how is that fair? whether or not she is perfect, she is a better Man than my father will ever be. braver, smarter, but kinder, gentler. more true, more Good. she is Better. maybe that is why my father hates her but she does not deserve it. but why hasn't she protected me? why can't she speak up for her daughter, her son? why must her daughter, red-faced, throat hoarse from shouting, tears blurring her sight, eight years old, defend her mother? and so when her daughter remembers this, remembers how her mother looks, defeated without even trying, she feels love, but she also feels hate. its an interesting life to live.

[murkyshitposting]

ryan howard from the office is really hot. thank you have a good day.

[murkyshitposting]

I raelly dislike starting essays. Writing them, however, can be greatly enjoyable. When the reasonings start to come together and the evidence truly works, when I'm able to properly figure out exactly what I'm trying to say and what I am saying works perfectly to convey my message -- that is The Shit.

Thank you.

[murkyshitposting]

if my major is making me suicidal its probably a sign i should change it right

[murkyshitposting]

why do i pay for wifi if it doesn't fucking work

[murkyshitposting]

does caffeine ever make you feel like your brain is on fire

[murkyshitposting]

does anyone only put on makeup to have some sense of control in their chaotic life?