mutagensys

[mutagensys]

I need to say something and I need y'all to be calm

if it isn't actively bad or harmful, no representation should be called "too simple" or "too surface level"

I have a whole argument for this about the barbie movie but today I wanna talk about a show called "the babysitters club" on Netflix

(obligatory disclaimer that I watched only two episodes of this show so if it's super problematic I'm sorry) (yes. I know it's based on a book, this is about the show)

this is a silly 8+ show that my 9 year old sister is watching and it manages to tackle so many complex topics in such an easy way. basic premise is these 13 year old girls have a babysitting agency.

in one episode, a girl babysits this transfem kid. the approach is super simple, with the kid saying stuff like "oh no, those are my old boy clothes, these are my girl clothes". they have to go to the doctor and everyone is calling the kid by her dead name and using he/him and this 13 year old snaps at like a group of doctors and they all listen to her. it's pure fantasy and any person versed in trans theory would point out a bunch of mistakes.

but after watching this episode, my little sister started switching to my name instead of my dead name and intercalating he/him pronouns when talking about me.

one of the 13 years old is a diabetic and sometimes her whole personality is taken over by that. but she has this episode where she pushes herself to her limit and passes out and talks about being in a coma for a while because of not recognizing the limits of her disability.

and this allowed my 9 year old sister to understand me better when I say "I really want to play with you but right now my body physically can't do that" (I'm disabled). she has even asked me why I'm pushing myself, why I'm not using my crutches when I complain about pain.

my mom is 50 years old and watching this show with my sister. she said the episode about the diabetic girl helped her understand me and my disability better. she grew up disabled as well, but she was taught to shut up and power through.

yes, silly simple representation can annoy you if you've read thousands of pages about queer liberation or disability radical thought, but sometimes things are not for you.

[mutagensys]

chronic pain diagnoses are all like yeah we don't know what this is or why it happens. we also don't know how to treat it. good luck out there soldier

[mutagensys]

DID is more than just having parts. Its also,

• amnesia

• confusion

• headaches

• nausea

• repeated childhood trauma

• anxiety

• spikes in fear. Anger. Or shame

• mood swings from parts

• body dysphoria

• depersonalization

• derealization

• self puzzlement

• loss of control

• flashbacks

• dizziness

And more.

DID is not "friends in your head" its traumatic, scary and uncomfortable. Its not fun it's a terrifying TRAUMA BASED disorder. And it should never be romanticized - Vesper

[mutagensys]

Hold up I'm actually gonna respond to this instead of a comment because you seem like you actually care to understand.

we don't like endos, not more that we believe that they dont experience the things they do, but because they have integrated into CDD communities when a lot of the time we just want a space for our experiences.

Regardless of what one believes on whether or not endos are really plural or not, a lot of the hate comes from using the term "System". This is partly because the term System was created by Traumagenic systems for Traumagenic systems, and its become very frustrating that our term has kinda been taken to mean something different.

I have a whole different post about the differences between endogenic and Traumagenic experience, but in basic words Traumagenic system's brains are fragmented while Endogenics are whole, however having outside additions to themselves in their consciousness. This makes for a very different way of experiencing Plurality.

Using terms that Traumagenic systems have made for themselves is what fustrates a lot of us, which is why there's more that support soulbonding- because it uses completely different terms to describe themselves.

Of course there will be the bad apples who decide to attack endos just because, but CDD systems don't want to be lumped in with something completely different. Not super accurate, but like lumping DID and BPD together. Alot of people find that frustrating because there's so many fundamental differences in experience that they don't want to be lumped together, even if some smaller aspects can be confused.

i desperately need people to explain to me why endos are so hated without saying that systems need trauma. like genuinely i am PLEADING. here. and i dont wanna hear SHIT. about trauma in this explanation its not relevant

[mutagensys]

love this

A helpful flow chart for the entire endo and pro endo community

[mutagensys]

online school is pretty banger sometimes. we get to chill and do things on our own terms, its very very helpful

Being a system and a minor is crazy because yes I just had a horrible flashback but also I really gotta finish this English assignment

[mutagensys]

this is partly why we do online school. we can have the flashbacks and not have people point at me like "ew why she crying for no reason in class"

Being a system and a minor is crazy because yes I just had a horrible flashback but also I really gotta finish this English assignment

[mutagensys]

heres a diagram.

this is the brain.

as a child, your personality isnt formed. its kinda all weird and shit.

Once your older, your personality has formed together and is no longer bits n pieces, instead meshed together.

this is CDD brain. We got barriers separating the parts inside our brain. we don't form a full personality, instead a fragmented one.

And this is the Endo brain. These alters you describe don't come from your brain fragmented, the alters are outside yourself. very different then CDD, as you can see.

"antis invade OUR plural tags all the time" WHY ARE YOU IN THE OSDDID TAG???? WHY???

you can't even argue that it's just a "plural" tag??? ITS THE TAG WITH THE NAME OF THE CDDS IN IT???

i don't wanna see anyone ever say "endos don't invade CDD spaces" bc tell me why yall are in the tag specifically for the disorders (don't actually. i don't care about your opinions 💕)

(🐇 and 🍓 but mostly 🐇)

[mutagensys]

getting into the mix with you LOL

""groomed" me into believing that I'm a traumaendo system." Nobody said that! Sorry! the io collective wasn't saying they were fucking grooming, but endogenic systems do push a narrative as to where alters have come from, if in a Traumagenic system, have to be from trauma specifically.

"I completely made up by our host at the time, and then she spent a lot of time intricately creating my personality and identity until I became a full fledged alter." There is.. a lot of ways I can say this isn't how it would work, but i'll try and assume you are a system in this conversation. You can.. create oc's.. and as a traumatized brain can do... decide that this oc is perfect for your brain.

Yknow what, for the sake of the argument, I'll just ignore that aspect in general. Let's go back to what the arguement started as.

"Whether you like it or not, there is an overlap between the CDD's system side and endogenic system side."

There is not.

Sure, we have a lot of similar terms and shit, but that is because endogenic systems have stolen terms from CDD systems. Majority of us who are CDD would of been totally fine with endos existing, if not for the fact that they have forced their way into the CDD community.

In others definition, Endogenic systems occur when they have "the state of being more than one identity in a body in a way that was not caused by traumatic experiences.", which is completely opposite to CDD being a Disorder that was forced onto us and developed due to trauma.

A large example of this difference is "Tulpagenic", which by a multiplicity wiki, states that "Tulpamancy is the westernized adaptation of a spiritual practice within Tibetan and Indian Buddhism.", that that these beings are "entities intentionally created in the mind parallel to your own consciousness.", and are developed through "visualization and meditative techniques" Again, this is entirely different to CDD experience. This seems like what you described most in your experience, as being "molded" by your host.

Soulbounding is another version. This is described as "a spiritual occurrence where a character from fiction essentially bonds to a person." It specifies that these souls of characters are from other universes, meaning not formed inside one's head. And again, specifies that "A soulbond functionally can be seemingly sentient from the start and autonomous unlike a tulpa", and that "Not all soulbonds will live with the host"- Again, more of a spiritual practice. Gateway systems are slightly similar, in a way where "gateway systems have at least a partially metaphysical or spiritual origin", as It descripes their entities as seperate souls, or ones that have passed on.

And then Willowgenic is LITERALLY JUST TUPLA but you didn't want to steal an actual religious thing so you made a new label to describe it. But AGAIN! "A willogenic system is a system that was purposely created, or willed into existence, through psychological or spiritual means". It is just saying "entities intentionally created in the mind parallel to your own consciousness." in new words. WHICH, IM 100% SURE MOST OF US WOULD BE OK WITH IF NOT THE FACT YOURE LUMPING IT IN WITH CDD. BECAUSE CDD IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.

Now, you're probably wondering, What the FUCK is the difference then? How is this so entirely different?

CDD is described as "When any one or more of the five types of dissociative experiences – depersonalisation, derealisation, amnesia, identity confusion, identity alteration – occur as continuing and/or repeated episodes, i.e. becomes chronic". This is different to Willogenic, Soul bounding, etc etc, because despite everything its not that new people are FORMING in our head. CDD is when a shit ton of amnesia gets put up in one singular head that it chronically affects our lives. And once again, "episodes of dissociation must be interfering with your work, social, home, family or student life and for many people this is the case". Which, let me tell you, HAS NEVER BEEN DESCRIBED IN ANY EXPERIENCE ENDOGENICS HAVE TALKED ABOUT.

This is the problem we are trying to tell you. CDD is a disorder that develops due to trauma, and experiences the above symptoms- but never because we want to. By even YOUR GUY'S DEFINITIONS, CDD SYSTEMS AND ENDOGENIC SYSTEMS ARE NOTHING THE SAME.

Hell, lets really get specific. I know there's a lot of taboo around talking about alters in very very scientific and specific terms here, but I'm going to and its gonna be so that you can really understand the differences

In Endogenics, you describe it as like having actual people in your head, right? Well we don't have people in our head. Sure, its a lot easier to describe it that way, but that isn't exactly how it works fundamentally.

Systems are built around fragments. When you are a child, you don't have a formed personality. You have hunger, happiness, anger, fear, basic emotions that slowly get correlated with specific things. If you don't experience all that shitty repetitive trauma, eventually this individual sections of yourself come together. They begin to make a whole individual instead of staying these fragments.

What happens in systems is instead of these basic parts of your personality coming together, due to repetitive trauma, the brain is unable to close itself together and mix with each other. Instead, there's walls put up with amnesia between these parts, parts that once made up a whole are now issolated from eachother. Each part builds upon itself, but is unable to mix with the other parts of the brain due to the amnesia walls the brain has put up. The reason people don't call these parts "seperate personalities" is because of the amnesia walls, these walls are built around each individual one- Seperating them from eachother. The reason we develop more alters, even as we get older, is more that each alter's personality GROWS, and an alter's personality might be cut into a smaller fragment, thus making it MORE and MORE fragmented

Endos' brains isn't split up into these parts, they just get more. They experience plurality COMPLETELY differently to Systems, and shouldn't use terms SYSTEMS have to describe a completely different experience. It isn't being Fragmented, in your guy's words its literally just adding onto an existing, whole brain.

We want endos to understand that. We aren't saying, well, I'm not saying that you are not experiencing what you are. You could be an Endo for fucks sake, I don't care, but the problem is that "system" is Our Term. Being a System inherently means Traumagenic. You could use plural all you want but when i say "You are not a system" I mean "You do not have the same experience as CDD Systems do, and please find your own terms to describe your shit because it isn't the same as ours".

God that was a ramble. If I don't make any fucking sense or see anything in my writing that was stupid just tell me and i'll try an edit it. I know I sound mad, partly because I am, but its more that I feel like people don't have all the information, and I just want an actual educated conversation.

"antis invade OUR plural tags all the time" WHY ARE YOU IN THE OSDDID TAG???? WHY???

you can't even argue that it's just a "plural" tag??? ITS THE TAG WITH THE NAME OF THE CDDS IN IT???

i don't wanna see anyone ever say "endos don't invade CDD spaces" bc tell me why yall are in the tag specifically for the disorders (don't actually. i don't care about your opinions 💕)

(🐇 and 🍓 but mostly 🐇)

[mutagensys]

“People who claim to be endogenic are misinformed about the nature of systemhood, have most likely buried their traumatic childhood memories, and are usually not just faking” AND “I don’t want endos or their supporters anywhere fucking near me,” are statements that CAN and DO coexist, btw

[mutagensys]

Kill yourself retard.

no thanks

[mutagensys]

i want to meet and interact with and befriend more systems, but i think that a large issue that i have with most system-oriented communities online is that they're sooo... alter focused. specifically introject focused.

i'd like a discord server where instead of every channel being "i have 27 my hero academia introjects and 13 of them don't get along", we can all just play minecraft or something and it just so happens that we're systems.

don't get me wrong, this disorder impacts every aspect of my life, but can't there be any spaces where we talk about something else???

[mutagensys]

the pretty little tony banners :D i feel like i see them everytime i see eur account tbhh

New ask game:

Reblog if you want your followers to tell you what your trademark ™️ is. Like, what’s that thing that really identifies you.

[mutagensys]

i hate risoeridone for no reason. i dont remember why. system shit go crazy ig.... blows up

IM FINALLY OFF THAT HELLISH MEDICATION. RISPERIDONE GAVES ME HORRIBLE NIGHT TERRORS AND MY PSYCHIATRIST IGNORED IT!!

BUT SHE FINALLY PUT ME ON SEROQUEL BC MY JAW HAS BEEN TENSE!!

ILL FINALLY STOP HAVING ZOMBIE DREAMS. I'M FREE OMG.

[mutagensys]

dont you love it when ur like "i wonder if we have ___" and then u hear somewhere in the headspace "we do. im here" and then they dont respond after. like it sometimes happens. its like everyone only knows when theyre being talked about, nothing else LOL

[mutagensys]

"There's no platonic explanation for this" there is if you're aromantic enough about it, hope this helps!

[mutagensys]

Shout out to all the kids who always picked shape-shifting as their hypothetical power growing up and assumed it was for gender affirmation but now realize it was also a plurality thing.