mvsicbookfrxndom

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

tumblr friendships are hard to maintain like im sorry i know i havent talked to you in 5 months but you’re still super rad and i still consider us friends im just dumb

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

Is it just me or is this the most cliché and lame looking synopsis your eyes have ever witnessed? Even the font changes made me roll my eyes https://www.instagram.com/p/BsixRFDBcSslzb7okIjF_7FbnJ9UWvUq2AQtkc0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=uiuc0wlqcbbm

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

Omg, your post literally made my week and quite possibly my month. I appreciate it more than anything, I am so grateful for your understanding and kindness. I’m also very happy that someone out there knows how I’m feeling right now and gets my situation, it makes me feel a lot less alone. School is better, and I will be back better than ever after finals!! Sending my love!!! *insert heart emojis here because I am on desktop*

I’m back

Okay lovely people, especially the soccer fandom that has stayed with me…

Before I even say a single word, I need to address this. My inbox currently contains 99+ messages. Yes, you heard that right. So if I have not responded to your message in literally months, that is the reason. I deeply, deeply apologize, and I want to stress that I will try to make time for everything and maximize my  time management skills in the future. I have detailed the other reasons for my disappearance below as well.

Now that finals are almost over and I have adjusted more to my new school, I am able to pay more attention and put more effort into my account. These past few months I haven’t been on tumblr at all, and lately I’ve only been liking posts instead of reblogging them or even *gasp* creating my own posts. But I have arisen out of the ashes like a phoenix to say that I will now try to put as much effort into maintaining this blog as I can! I am determined to make it work and balance out my schoolwork, extracurriculars, and social media accounts!

To give you all a glimpse into my life and my responsibilities…

I go to a VERY difficult school with a ton of schoolwork.

I spend most of my time after school participating in a variety of extracurriculars.

It’s a residential school, and the WiFi goes off at 11:30…and I don’t have a hotspot.

Did I mention the workload??!

Not only that! I have other social medias that need maintaining as well.

Facebook (for school)

Instagram (basically to keep up with soccer & Habesha cultural stuff)

This account (obviously)

Wattpad (I’ve barely logged on in so long)

AO3 (which is basically dead because I haven’t found time to write fanfiction AT ALL)

etc.

My typical day looks like this:

Wake up, go to school, etc.

Call my mother for at least 15 minutes a day. If my sister is able to call me, that’s basically an hour out of my schedule right there.

Finish homework due the next day.

Check texts to see if my parents/in person friends have texted me.

Check Facebook and Messenger to stay in touch with school things.

Watch Snapchat and Instagram stories for the latest topical news.

Usually, by the time all that has been finished, it is already 11:30 and my time is completely gone. It makes me so mad.

After doing all that, I start working on homework due the next day. The grind pretty much never stops. I’m pretty sure it will only stop after finals, and even then only temporarily. However, I am so willing to grind my ass off in order to reclaim my life.

I’m so profoundly upset and saddened by the number of online friends I have lost due to the mental, physical, and psychological stresses that have been put on me ever since I entered school. They think the reason I have disappeared is because I don’t care about them, but that is not it at all whatsoever. I love them far more than I could ever love myself. My love for them is so deep and I wish I could cut out my heart from my chest so they could see it bleed for them. I hope they know who they are as they read this, if they read this. It has been such a difficult adjustment in my life for me that I’ve basically cut off all ties just so I can stay successful. My grades have been slipping and I’m so terrified that I won’t be able to pay for my college education because I can’t get scholarships with Bs on my transcript because of the astronomical amount of competition. In general, I’m just…really scared.

My mental health has severely deteriorated ever since an incident occurred to me over the summer, close after the end of school. I think that is why the World Cup and soccer had such an effect on me - I was so lost, and needed something in my life that would make me happy and make life worth living again, and that was soccer, right there in its beautiful glory for me to fall in love with and feel love again. However, I am determined not to let the darkness win. I HAVE to fight back. It is the only way I can reclaim everything I have lost.

Here are my goals for the future. I want to share them with you all. So that they’re out there in the world and I have no choice but to commit.

Finish ALL my homework and STUDY.

Start a YouTube channel containing my song covers.

Send my sister all of her photos. I’m an asshole for making her wait this long. I’m an asshole for making all of you wait this long.

Respond to all 99+ inbox messages I’ve received. (I’m so sorry, all of you. I will reply, I swear. Just give me time. I know you already have.)

Respond to all my Wattpad messages.

Respond to all my emails on all of my accounts and clean up all of my email accounts, especially when it comes to writing emails to my business card people plaguing my phone!

Organize all of my photos and upload them to either my Drive or Google Photos so I can blissfully mass delete them and gain a sense of purpose, fulfillment, and indescribable joy.

Eliminate all of the open incognito tabs on my phone.

Organize both of my Google Drives, especially their folders and individual docs.

Clean up my Spotify ffs!!!

Finish my Very Long Fanfic Project.

Write other fanfics that I’ve been planning to write for such a long time, before I either lose inspiration or forget about them altogether. Making sure they are oneshots and not Very Long Fanfic Projects so they’ll, like, actually get written finished.

Reorganize and revolutionize my tumblr page so it is more clean with better tags. Also maybe change its HTML/CSS up so it’s more lit.

Fix all of my old Wattpad accounts, the ones that weren’t my main account. I feel like some people were counting on those.

Finish all of my old fanfics. Every single one that I started and never quite completed.

Resurrect my Quora, Quotev, Reddit, and Pinterest accounts from the internet grave. They are pretty much my ultimate failed experiments.

Begin doing research on internships, colleges, and career choices, as well as interests and hobbies or stuff you’d like to learn how to do.

Start writing my own original works - including, but not limited to - books, short stories, poems, songs, raps, editorial articles, essays, and film scripts.

Finish Mr. Robot, Hannibal, and Sherlock.

Watch SKAM Austin.

Start watching movies.

As you can see, this is a very long ass list. I know it will take a long time. I know it will not be easy. But sometimes, writing things down and realizing how difficult they will be to accomplish is the first step in actually fixing them. I hope I can.

thanks for coming to my ted talk everyone. please dm me if you have any questions with what i said above. i love you all.

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

I’m back

Okay lovely people, especially the soccer fandom that has stayed with me...

Before I even say a single word, I need to address this. My inbox currently contains 99+ messages. Yes, you heard that right. So if I have not responded to your message in literally months, that is the reason. I deeply, deeply apologize, and I want to stress that I will try to make time for everything and maximize my  time management skills in the future. I have detailed the other reasons for my disappearance below as well.

Now that finals are almost over and I have adjusted more to my new school, I am able to pay more attention and put more effort into my account. These past few months I haven’t been on tumblr at all, and lately I’ve only been liking posts instead of reblogging them or even *gasp* creating my own posts. But I have arisen out of the ashes like a phoenix to say that I will now try to put as much effort into maintaining this blog as I can! I am determined to make it work and balance out my schoolwork, extracurriculars, and social media accounts!

To give you all a glimpse into my life and my responsibilities...

I go to a VERY difficult school with a ton of schoolwork.

I spend most of my time after school participating in a variety of extracurriculars.

It’s a residential school, and the WiFi goes off at 11:30...and I don’t have a hotspot.

Did I mention the workload??!

Not only that! I have other social medias that need maintaining as well.

Facebook (for school)

Instagram (basically to keep up with soccer & Habesha cultural stuff)

Snapchat (to keep up with news of people in my school)

This account (for obvious reasons)

Wattpad (I’ve barely logged on in so long)

Reddit (I LOVE REDDIT OKAY)

Quora (gotta help people get them answers amirite)

Quotev (which is hella dead)

Pinterest (gotta look at them pics)

Imgur (refer to parentheses above)

AO3 (which is basically dead because I haven’t found time to write fanfiction AT ALL)

A fucking DEAD Discord account that to be fair I never use anymore

etc.

My typical day looks like this:

Wake up, go to school, etc.

Call my mother for at least 15 minutes a day. If my sister is able to call me, that’s basically an hour out of my schedule right there.

Finish homework due the next day.

Check texts to see if my parents/in person friends have texted me.

Check Facebook and Messenger to stay in touch with school things.

Watch Snapchat and Instagram stories for the latest topical news.

Usually, by the time all that has been finished, it is already 11:30 and my time is completely gone. It makes me so mad.

After doing all that, I start working on homework due the next day. The grind pretty much never stops. I’m pretty sure it will only stop after finals, and even then only temporarily. However, I am so willing to grind my ass off in order to reclaim my life.

I’m so profoundly upset and saddened by the number of online friends I have lost due to the mental, physical, and psychological stresses that have been put on me ever since I entered school. They think the reason I have disappeared is because I don’t care about them, but that is not it at all whatsoever. I love them far more than I could ever love myself. My love for them is so deep and I wish I could cut out my heart from my chest so they could see it bleed for them. I hope they know who they are as they read this, if they read this. It has been such a difficult adjustment in my life for me that I’ve basically cut off all ties just so I can stay successful. My grades have been slipping and I’m so terrified that I won’t be able to pay for my college education because I can’t get scholarships with Bs on my transcript because of the astronomical amount of competition. In general, I’m just...really scared.

My mental health has severely deteriorated ever since an incident occurred to me over the summer, close after the end of school. I think that is why the World Cup and soccer had such an effect on me - I was so lost, and needed something in my life that would make me happy and make life worth living again, and that was soccer, right there in its beautiful glory for me to fall in love with and feel love again. However, I am determined not to let the darkness win. I HAVE to fight back. It is the only way I can reclaim everything I have lost.

Here are my goals for the future. I want to share them with you all. So that they’re out there in the world and I have no choice but to commit.

Finish ALL my homework and STUDY.

Start a YouTube channel containing my song covers.

I put these in bullet points because these are running goals, so they’re in progress.

Send my sister all of her photos. I’m an asshole for making her wait this long. I’m an asshole for making all of you wait this long.

Respond to all 99+ inbox messages I’ve received. (I’m so sorry, all of you. I will reply, I swear. Just give me time. I know you already have.)

Respond to all my Wattpad messages.

Respond to all my emails on all of my accounts and clean up all of my email accounts, especially when it comes to writing emails to my business card people plaguing my phone!

Organize all of my photos and upload them to either my Drive or Google Photos so I can blissfully mass delete them and gain a sense of purpose, fulfillment, and indescribable joy.

Eliminate all of the open incognito tabs on my phone.

Organize both of my Google Drives, especially their folders and individual docs.

Clean up my Spotify ffs!!!

Finish my Very Long Fanfic Project.

Write other fanfics that I’ve been planning to write for such a long time, before I either lose inspiration or forget about them altogether. Making sure they are oneshots and not Very Long Fanfic Projects so they’ll, like, actually get written finished.

Reorganize and revolutionize my tumblr page so it is more clean with better tags. Also maybe change its HTML/CSS up so it’s more lit.

Fix all of my old Wattpad accounts, the ones that weren’t my main account. I feel like some people were counting on those.

Finish all of my old fanfics. Every single one that I started and never quite completed (on AO3 AND Wattpad).

Resurrect my Quora, Quotev, and Reddit accounts from the internet grave. They are pretty much my ultimate failed experiments.

Begin doing research on internships, colleges, and career choices, as well as interests and hobbies or stuff you’d like to learn how to do.

Start writing my own original works - including, but not limited to - books, short stories, poems, songs, raps, editorial articles, essays, and film scripts.

Finish Mr. Robot, Hannibal, and Sherlock.

Watch SKAM Austin.

Start watching movies.

As you can see, this is a very long ass list. I know it will take a long time. I know it will not be easy. But sometimes, writing things down and realizing how difficult they will be to accomplish is the first step in actually fixing them. I hope I can.

thanks for coming to my ted talk everyone. please dm me if you have any questions with what i said above. i love you all.

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

The transcript for my #americatomecontest entry. (at United States) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoqA4wijPr8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1uwulswxho1gd

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

damn that must be how other people feel when they talk to my over edgy ass

trying to have a conversation with your Deep™ friend like

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

am i finally gonna be able to astral project into the ikea in the 5th dimension?

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

Steven Universe AU where Sonic and Pikachu are in love and form a fusion…Sonichu.

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

I was tagged by @universe-in-a-botte!

1. Top three ships: Oh god this is a hard one. I’d say Tyrelliot, Johnlock, and Hannigram because I’m choosing out of fictional ships.

2. Lipstick or chapstick: Chapstick because I have no personality.

3. Last song: Disco Heat by Calvin Harris.

4. Last movie: A Quiet Place.

5. Top three shows: Mr. Robot, Doctor Who, and SKAM.

Tags: @vrsaljkofc @vidasbitch @xenowlsome @cosmicdusttrails @samwiltson @luka-moredick @lovren-la-vida-luka @slashandsports and my honorary ninth tag goes to...whoever wants to do this tag! Because I love all of youuuu and it’s something to do <3

I was tagged by @mishmyangel :))

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better.

1. Top three ships: Destiel, Malec, Sabriel

2. Lipstick or chapstick: chapstick 

3. Last song: The Mountain by Three Days Grace

4. Last movie: Beauty and the Beast

5. Top three shows: Supernatural, Shadowhunters, Timeless

@headfirst-slide-into-a-67-impala @fandomtrash19283 @spnmightkillme @herax316 @destielforverbitches @sassymurderousangel @magicknightriderjellyfish @a7x-and-supernatural-addict @depressed-moose-78

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

OOF ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS ALREADY KNOW WHO I THINK OF WHEN I SEE THIS

Hot football players who are also super sweet and humble are my kink

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

no and i don’t think i ever will

Dejan Lovren in Kraljeva Sutjeska, 26.07.2018

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

AND THE PLOT THICCENS

There’s a tumblr account with the username “lovren” that hasn’t posted anything and I’m not saying it’s Dejan and he’s only using it to watch us stanning him but that’s exactly what I’m saying

yes it’s him it’s gotta be him I believe you……he knows……Things

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

JLKFDSJKLS THE MOST ICONIC OF CONTENT I AM SO PROUD OF MY CHILDREN HAD TO REBLOG BECAUSE SAME OMG AJ LAJK

Dance into my heart(Part two)

Part one here

Summary: After Vida gets tickets for salsa party for the whole team, Suba jumps in to teach them all how to dance. However along the way Luka realizes being bad at dancing is not his biggest problem.

Pairings: Luka/Suba

Word Count: 1592

Warnings: Self depriciational thoughts, pinning, crying, making out

Notes: Omg two updates in two days? I am on fiaah. But seriously tho I liked this idea so much I had to finish it especially because of how angsty the first part was. For the special effect listen to this song, trying not to love you by nickelback. I listened to it a lot while I was writing this. Happy reading!

Extra time didn’t help. They had to go to the penalties again. God he was so tired. But he tried to stay focused for the team. The fact he missed that penalty shot stung horribly. 

His mind almost went to the dark place again, but this time somehow Ivan knew and he gently squeezed his shoulder while passing by, giving him a smile. That eased up his worries a bit and seeing Daniel defending the penalties he felt so much pride he forgot about his own insecurities. 

Zlatko gave him a second chance of scoring a penalty. Luka’s legs felt heavily but then he remembered what Suba said.

Be strong for the team. They need their captain. You can do this. 

The weight didn’t disappeared but Luka felt like he got additional strength to hold it. He shot and the ball went straight to the goal. 

His heart soared and weight finally seemed to disappear from his shoulders. He was hugging everyone and it was finally okay. But the game wasn’t over yet. 

Only when Rakitić scored that goal did he feel like he could breathe properly again. And one of the first people he went to hug was Suba.

It was like someone cut the brakes and all of his feelings resurfaced so he ran to him and jumped, wrapping his arms and legs around him. 

He knew he was clingy, but God, he couldn’t stop himself right now. He buried his head in Daniel’s neck and finally felt the joy bubbling inside of him. They really won.

“I am proud of you Lukita.” Daniel whispered and hugged him even tighter. 

Suba carried him for a while but as soon as he let him down Vida sprinted towards him.

“See we won. That’s all because of salsa lessons I am telling you. And it obviously helped you and Suba too.” Vida said and winked.

Luka felt his face getting hot. What was Domagoj talking about?

“I-What? We didn’t…It’s not like that!” Luka said embarrassed. 

Vida just grinned harder. 

“Keep telling yourself that little captain. You may have captain senses but doesn’t mean the rest of us are clueless. However it’s time for celebration now! Let’s go!” He said.

They all exited the stadion at one point. The celebration lasted long into the night and Luka forgot about the conversation he and Suba should have had. 

Until the next morning. Then he remembered and panic set in again. He had to get out of his room. That’s the first place Daniel will look for him.

Rationally, he knew he had to talk to him eventually. But in that moment only thing he could think of was: Not now.

So he ran to the small garden nearby and sat on bench trying to calm down. 

He didn’t know at what point did he start crying again or when Ivan found him, but he was enveloped in a hug and at this point probably ruining his shirt. 

Stupid. You are so weak, crying over nothing. He probably thinks so too. What kind of a captain can’t even keep himself together can lead a team?

“Luka. You need to tell him. I know you are scared but this is eating you from inside out. At least you will know you were honest. You can’t continue bottling this up.” Ivan said softly.

“Ivan, no. If I told him it would…it could ruin everything. I know Daniel for the longest time. What will he think of me if I tell him I am in love with him out of blue?” Luka asked in desperation.

“Maybe you should have asked me instead of avoiding me.” Said a voice behind them. 

“Jebate Bog!” Ivan yelled, jumping up. 

Luka regicionized the voice. Of course he did. It was Suba. And he heard everything.

Luka buried his head in his hands. He felt like his head was spinning. This couldn’t be happening. 

“Ivan could you leave us alone for a while? I think Luka and I have a lot to talk about.“  Suba said, his voice leaving no room for argument. 

Ivan sighed. 

"If you need me later…call me I guess.” He said and Luka could feel him walking away. 

He tried not to go into panic mode once again when he heard Suba coming closer. 

His heart was beating so loudly he could hear it in his ears. 

Suba crouched in front of him and gently removed his hands from his face. Luka let him because he didn’t have any fight left in him. He was just waiting for Suba to start shouting or try to gently let him down. 

“Lukita. Look at me.” He whispered.

Luka just squeezed his eyes harder and shook his head. He couldn’t. He can try to deal with Suba’s words later but if he has to see pity on his face that’s going to kill him. 

Instead of finally getting to the painful part Suba out his palms around Luka’s face. Luka’s breath hitched. Why was he doing this to him? Was he really that cruel?

“I wish you would look at me while I tell you I love you too but I guess neither of us imagined this happening in this way.” Suba said. 

“What?!” Luka exclaimed, opening his eyes. 

“There are those pretty honey eyes.” Suba said, smiling softly.

He met Daniel’s eyes immediately. His heart almost stopped from the amount of love he saw there. His heart was beating so fast it felt like it would burst out of his ribcage. 

“I love you too Lukita. I did for some time now. I wish you have told me this was the reason you were acting so weird in the past few days. A lot of drama could have been avoided. He said, gently rubbing Luka’s cheek with his thumb. 

Luka felt like he could cry again, for the whole bunch of other reasons now. This didn’t feel real. 

"You…love me? But I…just…why?” Luka asked quietly, puzzled. 

That’s when Suba’s expression turned a bit darker.

“Why? After all the years that we know each other and after everything we have been through you are asking me why am I in love with you? God Luka.” Suba said.

He leaned in and kissed Luka, hard. Luka made a small sound in his throat before returning the kiss and wrapping his arms around Daniel’s neck. 

At one point(which he would never understand how he didn’t notice) Suba lifted him up from the bench and pinned him to the wall of the building. 

When they parted for air, Luka was speechless, completely forgetting what they were talking about.

He probably looked a bit dazed because Daniel smiled at him and pecked his lips again.

“At least I know how to make you stop doubting yourself now. I just need to kiss you until you forget about it.” Suba said.

Luka raised his eyebrows and returned a playful smile. 

“I am afraid you will have to do that quite often. In fact, I think they are starting to return just now.” Luka said. 

Daniel leaned in and kissed him again and look lost himself in a kiss.

“Please go find yourself a room! I am not drunk enough to see you dry humping each other!” Someone yelled. 

They immediately parted and Luka buried his head in Daniel’s shoulder, embarrassed. 

Vida and Kovačić were standing there, Vida of course bing the one who shouted and Mateo looking both amused and shocked. 

Luka tried to wiggle out of Suba’s hands so he could stand up but he only tightened his hold. 

“I am not letting you go now.” He whispered in his ear. 

Luka blushed furiously but refused to be defeated.

“You can’t carry me around like a child without a reason! Let me down.” He said, trying to use his captain voice.

It obviously didn’t work because Suba just started carrying him inside. Luka could hear Vida and Mateo laughing and he felt his face burning again. 

While they passed the dining room’s door there were a few whistles.

“Try not to be late to the salsa party!” Šimd yelled and after that laughter in the whole room could be heard. 

Luka buried his head in Suba’s chest again. He was embarrassed but in the same time he never felt so happy and content.

“I will forever stay mad at you for this.” He muttered weakly into Daniel’s shoulder. He could feel his rumbling laughter and a kiss he placed in top if his head. 

“You are welcome to try Lukica.” He answered before carrying him to his room and closing the door.

They did made it to salsa party. And if it was barely, two minutes before with a bit of a rumbled clothes and hair it was nobody’s business but theirs. 

Bonus: 

Vida was laughing at his phone when Mario approached him.

“What are you doing?” Mandžo asked.

“Oh I made this fake instagram profile. I didn’t want people to know it’s me but I have to see what the rest of the idiots are doing.” Domagoj answered, still focused on the phone. 

Mario rolled his eyes. 

“Well hurry up. We are going to be late to that salsa party otherwise.” He said

“Just give me one more second. I have to recommend vines to Dejan and Šime. I have a feeling they are going to love them.” Vida said and winked. 

After finishing typing on his phone he and Mario went to the party, oblivious to the mess their prank was going to cause. 

Taglist:

@lovren-la-vida-luka

@kjldrv

@igecko1320

@mvsicbookfrxndom

@lovrenfc

@sad-forest

@roseszymczak

@mademoiselle-lani

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

fuck me up carriço just FUCK ME UP

Ivan Rakitic and Daniel Carriço celebrate title with mouth kiss.

Daniel Carriço: “It was a passionate kiss. It was a lot of emotion. ”

[mvsicbookfrxndom]

SDFJKHSGKDDJKHSF NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE THIS 10/10 BEAUTIFUL WORK YOU DO JSDFLKJLADS

Dance into my heart(Part one)

Prequel to this

Summary: After Vida gets tickets for salsa party for the whole team, Suba jumps in to teach them all how to dance. However along the way Luka realizes being bad at dancing is not his biggest problem.

Pairings: Luka/Suba, pining Dejan/Šime mentioned

Word Count: 2167

Warnings: Self depriciational thoughts, pinning,dissociations, vomiting, crying

Notes: Well this is part one of Luka/Suba fic I promised. This is really long and there is a lot of angst but I promise next part will have a happy ending. Special thanks to @ lovren-la-vida-luka for explaining the basics of salsa and common mistakes while learning it. I hope you all enjoy reading! :)

Luka wasn’t even sure how he ended up in this mess. They were preparing for the match against Denmark that was in a few days. 

And then Vida came up with a genius idea.

“I got us tickets to the salsa party the day after our match with Denmark!” Vida exclaimed proudly.

Luka couldn’t believe his ears.

“Absolutely not! It’s a day after the match and we need to focus on traning. Besides we don’t even know if we will win that match!” He yelled. 

“Oh com'on Lukita. It’s gonna be fuuun.” Šime said. 

Luka threw his arms in the air. 

“Nobody here even knows how to dance salsa. How do you expect us ti go to salsa party without knowing how to dance?” Luka asked.

Šime grinned like he won some sort of prize.

“Actually Suba knows how to dance salsa. He can teach us." 

Luka’s head snapped to Suba so fast he was surprised he didn’t break his neck. 

"Since when do you know how to dance? Especially salsa?” Luka asked disbelievingly. 

Suba shrugged, but looked a bit embarrassed.

“My last girlfriend wanted us to go on classes to learn it. It became a hobby of sorts.” He said.

“I am not learning salsa!” Luka shouted.

He did in fact learn salsa. Not that he was too happy about it. The consequences of it weren’t so good. He discovered that the first time Suba showed them basic steps. 

“Take two steps ahead. Then the back leg. Then two steps back.” Suba instructed. 

Luka tried. He did. But he was a football player not a dancer. It seemed that most of then actually got it right from what he has seen. 

Šime seemed like a natural and Dejan would actually be alright if he didn’t stare at Šime and forgot to  do the steps. Luka felt like useless. Dancing just wasn’t for him. 

He slowly moved away from the group and went outside. He sat down on one of the chairs. 

Too soon Suba appeared in front of him. 

“I can’t do this.” Luka said pouting slightly. 

He already knew Suba would try to convince him to give it a try again but god he was tired. He knew what to do when others have problems but when his own insecurities resurfaced it was another story. 

“Give up so soon?” Daniel asked.

Luka wasn’t looking at him but he knew he was slightly smiling. It was like a reflex, always knowing was Suba would do. He sighed.

Suba crouched in front of Luka who was sitting so they were about the same height. 

“Lukita. Look at me. What is this really about?” He asked. 

Luka complied and look at his friend. He even tried ti smile a bit even if he knew that won’t fool Suba. They knew each other for far too long for that.

“It’s nothing. I am just not for dancing. That’s all.” Luka said.

Suba’s piercing gaze pinned him to the place for a second. Then he stood up and Luka expected him to leave but instead he offered Luka a hand to stand up too. 

He stood up and looked at Daniel questioningly. 

“Šime called for salsa instructor anyway. I just jumped in before she came. But I can teach you enough salsa to dance at that party. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else that way.” Daniel said softly. 

Luka pouted again, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

“I don’t need it. I am not good at it anyway.” Luka said, looking down again. 

“That’s not something Luka I know would say. You don’t give up that easily. And it’s not true that you are not good at it. You just need to focus.” Suba said. 

Luka looked at him wordlessly, letting his raised eyebrows speak for him.

Suba sighed. 

“It’s all about hips. If you don’t move them you can’t do anything. Let me show you.” He said.

He stepped few steps away so he could demonstrate the basic steps again. 

He tried not to blush as he stared at Suba’s hips. He was just learning to dance. Then he tried again. But it felt too stiff. He just couldn’t do it. 

“It’s pointless.” He said bitterly, moving to sit again. 

But Suba grabbed his arm. 

“Wait. The steps aren’t the problem for you. But you need to relax. Feel the music. Here, maybe dancing in two will help you.” He said.

He gently took his hand and told him to start the steps. 

Luka was robotic at first. He holded Daniel’s hand too tightly and stepped on his toes a lot. But Daniel was patient. 

“Lukita. Close your eyes.” He said suddenly. 

“What? How will I do steps right if I close my eyes?” Luka asked, perplexed. 

Daniel smiled. 

“Just try to do it by the feeling. When you think too much you get too stiff. Try to feel your body moving to the music. You know the steps. Just relax.” He said. 

Luka took a deep breath. And closed his eyes in the leap of wait. He could see but now the music from the inside seemed somehow stronger. All of his other senses were heightened. 

He moved and he could feel Suba moving with him, the way he gently holded his hand, the way he easily moved. He did end up stepping on Suba’s toes a few times but they didn’t stop this time. 

They got to the end of the song and Suba, probably instinctively from years of practice, hugged Luka around the waist and dipped him a bit. 

Luka opened his eyes. Daniel was already staring at him. Luka felt his heart up as if to match a new melody that his body was suddenly singing. Or has it been here all along?

In that moment Luka knew. He was in love with his best friend. 

“I have to go.” Luka said hurriedly and moved from Suba’s embrace. 

Daniel looked at him, confused. 

“Lukita what is it? You were great. I don’t-" 

"I just remembered something. We can continue later yeah?” Luka interrupted, already shifting from one foot to another.

Suba nodded but still looked at him suspiciously. 

Luka wasn’t about to wait for him to figure it out. He turned and walked as fast as he could and when he went out of Suba’s eyesight he started running.

He ended up in his room, sitting on a bed with his head in his hands. God, thoughts felt like bees in his brain constantly stinging him.

  He can never find out about this. It could affect the team. It could affect their friendship. Suba probably wouldn’t hate him but it would be weird. Unbalanced. It could effect my performance too. And if a captain fails everything fails what if-

His thought were interrupted by the sound of the doors opening. Luka snapped his head up just to see Rakitić coming in. Of course upon seeing Luka he immediately looked concerned. 

“Brate what happened? You look very pale. Are you sick?” Ivan asked, crouching in front of him.

It reminded him of the gesture Suba did not even an hour ago he felt the tear slide down his cheek. 

Ivan immediately went into panic mode. He has rarely seen Luka cry except after the game.

“God Luka what happened? Are you alright??” He said raising his voice now. 

Luka buried his head in his hands again.

“I fucked up Ivan. I fucked up so bad.” He whispered through tears.

Rakitić hugged him tightly and let him cry it out before asking any more of the questions even if he was obviously worried. After he calmed down a bit Ivan spoke up. 

“So what happened? What did you fuck up so badly as you say?” He asked.

“I…I think I am in love with Suba.” He said, barely above the whisper. 

Ivan didn’t say anything for a moment or two and Luka felt his anxiety claw on his insides. He felt his breath coming out in short gasps. Ivan grabbed his shoulder.

“Luka hey…it’s alright. I am not mad or disgusted or whatever you are thinking right now. I was just trying to think of how to help. But it’s not such a big problem as you are making it up in your head right now. Breathe.” Ivan said.

And Luka did. It helped a little with easing the ache in his heart but at least his throat didn’t feel like closing up anymore. 

“Thank you.” Luka said, giving him a small smile.

Ivan returned it before his face became one of concern once again. 

“Luka…listen. Firstly I don’t want you to feel bad over being in love with Suba because you are both men. Besides while I cannot know for certain that he also loves you, he definitely cares about you. Nothing can change that.” Rakitić said.

Luka supposed he was right. He just had to move his focus on something else. This feelings will pass eventually. He just had to go through that. 

He started feeling like himself again now that he had a plan. It was going to be okay. 

“Thank you Ivan. This helped a lot.” Luka said.

Ivan looked at him sceptically. 

“You are going to just bottle it up aren’t you? You don’t plan on telling him.” He said.

“Telling him could ruin everything Ivan! It will pass probably. Feelings pass. Besides I need to focus on upcoming match with Denmark.” Luka said. 

Ivan looked at him with sadness so deep it chilled him. It was like he died or something. 

“I won’t try to convince you to tell him if that’s not your wish. But be careful. Feelings like this don’t go away that easily.” He said. 

Luka nodded but internally he already tried to distance himself from his feelings. He needed to get his head in the game. That was the only thing that matter.

The next few days were a struggle. Luka didn’t want to avoid Suba, he really didn’t but most of the time it felt too painful. He was obsessively watching penalties that Schmeichel managed to defend. The only other thing he did was learning salsa with the rest of the team because if he didn’t he knew Suba would find him. And he really couldn’t stand that. 

The night of the game Luka was a wreck. He was panicking and his feelings were resurfacing and he was panicking. He had to lead the team and he felt like he could barely move his body. 

The game started and Denmark scored in the first minute. It only made everything worse. He felt like his body wasn’t his. He was moving it but it was all like in slow motion. Like watching a movie or waiting to wake up from a dream. He felt so sick.

They scored the goal two but he felt like it was someone else cheering in his body. The game continued and Luka knew he wasn’t good. 

You are letting them down. You are a horrible captain. They are going to lose because of you.

The voice in his head went on and on until the pause before the extra time. 

Luka went straight to the bathroom and threw up. He was shaking and crying and he just wanted to feel like himself again. Someone tried to open the door but thankfully he locked them. However the person behind them didn’t seem to give up.

“Luka! Let me in! Now!” Suba yelled, hitting the door. 

Shit. Suba wouldn’t give up now. Luka stood up on shaky legs and unlocked the door. 

Daniel entered and immediately noted Luka’s pale face and shaky body. He stood there for a second before hugging his tightly. 

Luka felt so small and shaky in his arms, as if he is going to break. Luka started to cry.

“Shhh Lukita. You are okay. You are safe. Everything is going to okay. You can do this.” Daniel whispered, gently caressing Luka’s hair until he calmed down a bit.

Then he moved Luka’s chin so he was looking at him. Luka felt a shiver down his spine.

“Now listen to me. I don’t know what is happening and now is not the time for this conversation. But we are going to talk about this after the game. Now our team needs their captain. You can do this Lukita. I believe in you.” He said.

Luka nodded, swallowing his tears. Suba kissed his forehead before leaving him alone once again.

Okay. I can do this. For the team. For Suba. I can do this. 

He thought before splashing cold water on his face.

Then he exited the bathroom and joined the others, reassuring them with a small smile. He can be strong for them. He will. And after the game he will sort his feelings out. 

He catched Daniel’s eyes across the room and his stomach dropped again. Extra time was announced just then. 

It was time.

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i didn’t even watch this game but i had to reblog

not sure if water polo or they’re just trying to kill each other and the ref is loving it.