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[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* WESLEY FANFIC, CHAPTER 15: Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind

- Alright, let's go everyone, Drew exclaimed from the door and grabbed the keys. I threw a comfy hoody on and followed Keaton outside. We were going to eat dinner with Drew's family since they hadn't seen the boys in a long time, and yet they barely even knew who I was. - Where's Wes? Drew asked as we hopped in to their little cousin's car. - WEEEES!!! me and Keaton shouted together. - COMING, he shouted back and ran across the yard to get in. I moved my bum to the middle seat on the back of the car so Wesley could sit on my right side, and then Drew started the car and we drove away from our yard.

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 14: And she dreamed of para, para, paradise [THE CONTINUATION EPISODE]

As we arrived to the airport in Seattle, Keaton's and Wesley's uncle Robert was welcoming us. He waited us on the parking lot and we all hugged him as he threw our bags in his car. 

- It's nice to meet you, now that the boys finally date someone, he joked as we shook hands. - Your little cousin's house is empty, so you can stay there for now, he told us as we got in his car. I was about scream because I was so excited. Finally some time away from California. Don't get me wrong - I loved California, but for now it was very relaxing to get out of there. So much had been happening in the past four months.

We drove a couple hours from Seattle to Sequim and over to Wesley's and Keaton's little cousin's house. Robert gave some advice on keeping the house warm if it would rain and stuff like that before he left the place and we were on our own. - So, what should we do first? Keaton asked. - Let's show Paige some places! Drew suggested and we were all in. We took a walk around the town and the boys showed me a lot of places from their childhood, and we also hit up with some old friends of theirs. * As we got back to the house, we lit up a fire in the fireplace and Drew started cooking some dinner. - What you got there, Gordon Ramsay? Wesley joked as we walked to the kitchen to see what Drew had came up with. - I got some spaghetti and meatballs, Drew smiled. - Ahhh, that's so romantic, his bestfriend blurted and tapped him on the shoulder. - You know what, I think I'm fine without the food now... I'm not very hungry, I said. I was really tired but for some reason I didn't really have appetite. - Does my spaghetti look SO bad?! Drew gasped. - Oh, no no, Drew. Really, I think I'm just tired and I need to get some sleep before I can put anything in my mouth. And I've never been in this kind of climate so yeah, no offense, I corrected. - Okay, well, I'm gonna get you, I mean us, the sheets and blankets and stuff so you can already go to bed, just keep company for Drew or something. I'll be ready in 10 minutes, Wesley said, looking a bit worried. I was about to say that I could help him but then I realised how tired I actually was, and Wesley probably wouldn't accept my help anyways, so I just let him work everything out and sat down in the kitchen table. - Sooo, how have you been feeling? Like, after the court and all? Drew asked with a serious tone in his voice. - As well as I can be, I guess. I'm very lucky to have you guys in my life, I sighed with a slight smile. - Awww, we love you, Paige, Drew said and jumped to me so he could give me a friendly kiss on my head. - Well, at least you switched to the better W. You know, from Winston to Wes, cause that boy really cares about you, Drew told me. I knew he was trying to throw a joke and not be rude in any way, but I got a little confused about his joke because I felt like he thought I was player. He immediately noticed my confusion and quickly corrected my thoughts. - Oh, sorry sweetie, I didn't mean it like that. Yeah, it was a really bad joke, sorry.. I just think you keep Wes grounded and he hasn't been feeling like that towards anyone in a long time, so I mean I think he's very serious with you, he stammered. - Yeah, it's all fine Drew, I uttered a silent laughter and gave him a smile. - Haha, well good. Wow, sometimes I can just be so bad at this! Where's Keaton tho? he wondered. - I don't know, I'll go and check, I said as I got up from my chair and walked to the living room where the fireplace was. First I thought no one was there, but then I looked over the back of the couch and saw Keaton. He had wrapped himself into a small ball and fell asleep. I was just putting a blanket over him when Wesley came back downstairs. - Haha, little Keats, he whispered so quietly that Keaton didn't wake up and then walked to me, putting his arms around me. - He's like our child or something, Wesley giggled and kissed me on the cheek. - Oh my God, that's just weird. You simpleton, I laughed quietly and leaned my head on my boyfriend's shoulder. - Well the bed is waiting for you, another simpleton, it's the last room on the right, Wes told me and gently squeezed my body with his arms. - Thanks, baby, I chuckled and turned over to give him a few little good night kisses. - Drew? Keaton fell asleep, I guess we just have to preserve the food and eat it tomorrow, Wesley shouted over to Drew. - Oh, maan, I was just about to make the table. Damn Keaterpan, he sighed deeply and me and Wes both laughed warmly for the passion he had put into the cooking tonight. - Okay babe, just go to bed, I'll be there soon with you, Wes recommended and kissed me softly on my forehead. - Alright, g'night guys, I said and both of the boys wished me good nights back as I ran up the stairs and found the right room. The room was cute and it had its own bathroom, so I thought it was probably the master bedroom of the house. I quickly brushed my teeth, changed into pjs, closed the lights and jumped to bed. It didn't take much time until I realised I wasn't going to fall asleep easily. Just like everyday nowadays. I had thought it would be different here, where there's no traffic noise and you can actually see the starry sky, but I was starting to be suspicious. I felt like the walls were falling on me and I just came here to escape a bad situation that turned out to be even worse in here. Why is it so hard to do something that is very necessary for a human being? Why couldn't I just fall asleep? Why was it so much worse when it was dark? A while ago I had been just fine. We had drove around the town, sat in front of the fireplace and the boys had told hilarious stories about their childhoods. Why did I have to tell anyone that I was tired, I could've just sucked it up and stayed downstairs until we would've all went to sleep at the same time and I could've fell asleep on Wesley's arms because they were the only damn thing keeping me sane these times. - Calm down, I desperately whispered to myself in the dark. My lips were shivering and I felt tears burning my cheeks, but there wasn't a way I could've helped myself in that situation because Wes had just opened the door. I closed my eyes and buried my face in the blanket so he wouldn't be able to see my possibly red face. He switched the lights on and went to the bathroom. I heard the faucet go on and I tried to relax myself, breathing heavily and trying to avoid a panic attack. It was just him, it was just my boyfriend. He would get it. But no, I didn't want him to know I had been crying again. Why did I have to be so damn weak? I was like a little child, I couldn't be left alone for a little moment or I would break down. I didn't want him to see me like that because I was afraid that in some point he would get sick of me. Get sick of me being so stuck in him. So instead of being somehow normal and trusting my boyfriend, I sucked it up and surreptitiously wiped my tears on the pillow before he switched the lights off again and climbed behind me, stroking my back.

- Good night, Paige Marilla. Luckily you're asleep so you didn't hear me say your middle name since you hate it. I think it's beautiful tho. I love you babe, he said to me.

First, yes, thank you, I was totally asleep and well. I was swimming in the ocean of dreams. Second, that wasn't true, but it also was true. I was swimming in the ocean of dreams. I mean, I had a hard time trying not to turn around and kiss him. Did he always talk to me when I was asleep?! He crossed his fingers in mine and I felt his breath in my neck.

I really wished he didn't feel my heartbeat, because in the middle of all the darkness and the pain, there was still the love and that love was making my heart pound crazily. There was no tunnel without a light and in this tunnel I was going through, the person sleeping right behind me was the light. I bit my lip. I wanted to fall asleep right here, every night, with him, for the rest of my life.

[my-soul-understands]

Continuing after a looong break

So yeah I've been away for many months now, i had sucha busy summer that i had no time to focus on this :( i traveled to california and met kenny at hb pier btw!!! Anyways now im back and im going to upload a new chapter veery soon!!!! Thank you so much that not many of you unfollowed me during i was absent and now i have so much new inspiration and im just so excited aaaah. WES FANFIC, MY SOUL UNDERSTANDS, CH14 COMING SOON BOOBOOS !

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 13: Light out wanderlust, head us out to sea, captain says there'll be a bust, this one's not for me

- Are you ready? Wesley asked, grabbing my waist.

- I'm so ready, I gasped.

Wes opened the tailgate of his car and threw my suitcase there as I hopped in, sitting next to Keaton because Drew was sitting in the front and Wes was driving.

- We need to hurry up, the flight is leaving in a couple hours, Keaton said.

- No we don't. This time we don't need to hurry up, Wes stated as he started the car and curved off of our front yard. I opened up the window and waved my hand in the warm breeze. It was always sunny in California, but I could still feel the difference between winter and summer - and summer was coming.

I had only been in a plane for a couple times when I was a kid, so I got a little nervous when we were sitting in the hall of the airport and the announcement told us to catch our flight. Wes took my hand and we all walked in from the gates, ready to leave this place - the so-called "city of dreams" - behind for a while. How long was a "while", well, I didn't actually know. I just knew that it wasn't too soon that we were coming back. And we didn't have return tickets.

The long hallway wasn't that full of people - not many californians were heading to Washington on a Thursday morning. I saw a few business men, some women with a little dog, a little family and some other people that I didn't really focus on. The little family was a young couple with two little kids, a boy and a girl. They were both running around as we were waiting to get into the plane.

- One day we'll have those, Wes whispered, leaning down to me a little. I squeezed his hand as I felt my cheeks heating up.

For the millionth time, I wondered if it would actually happen.

If he was the one for me.

I quickly got distracted from my thoughts, because the air hostess had just opened the doors to the airplane bridge.

- Good morning everyone and welcome to our flight number AA912. We wish you safe travels. You are now welcome to step in the plane, she announced, and the crowd slowly moved into the plane.

I quickly found our seats and hopped on the one next to the window. The boys sat on the other seats on that row and I looked outside the small window, sending a prayer to everyone who weren't able to get away from that prison.

Suddenly I felt the engineers of the plane get started, and the wings catched air underneath them. We were going.

I watched my hometown stay on the ground as we rised up to the skies. It was our time to get away.

I leaned my head on Wes and made myself comfortable. Keaton played with his Nintendo DS and Drew seemed to be sleeping with his headphones on. Wes threw a blanket over both of us and I snuggled in his arms.

- I'm so happy to be with you, he told me.

- I'm happy to be with you too, Keaton joked and fell on us, stretching his arms.

- That's so cute, Skeater, Wes noted.

- So I'm the third wheel?!? I exclaimed.

- Hmm, I'm afraid you are, he smiled sarcastically, hugging me tight.

- Don't choke me! I laughed, and they both hugged me and I drowned in their soft sweaters.

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 12: This night is sparkling, don't you let it go, I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

As I woke up the next morning my feelings had changed from anger to confusion. I was feeling a little better, now that it was all going to be over, but I knew I had a long way to go.

However, I had decided that today I would feel a little happier, and when the boys picked me up before the concert, I actually thought it was going to happen.

I had been to a few concerts, but never on the backstage, and let me tell you - it was way cooler. We all were treated like we were the royal family or something. The stylist chose the clothes for the boys and their manager explained the figures of the night before they went into a soundcheck. I was sitting in the audience with Laraine and Breezy as they hussled something with the instruments and then started playing some tones.

And God, they sounded good. They all did, but I couldn't get my eyes out of my boyfriend. I was so proud of him. And he looked so good in his blue shirt and a snapback that I almost felt my inside fangirl waking up.

They played a little bit of a few songs, fixed up some parts and tried again before everything was ready and they went to grab some food. I walked backstage behind them and hugged Wes from the back as he sat on the couch, eating some fruits.

- Oh hi, babe. How did we sound? he asked.

- You sounded damn good, I stated and kissed him on the cheek. He laughed a bit and turned his head to give me a soft smooch.

- I'm so happy you came, he smiled and I jumped over the couch to sit next to him.

- Hm, guys, should we go meet some fans outside? We have a little sparetime before the show, Keaton said and we all agreed, so we stood up and walked outside.

The fans looked super excited as we stalked them a bit before we showed ourselves. I was overhelmed by the fact they were actually screaming - I just didn't realise I was a celebrity to them, even if I wasn't for the outer world.

- WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! Someone screamed out loud and the boys laughed.

- We love you too! Drew shouted.

- Can you guys give us a hug?!?! Some girls from the front asked and I stayed on the back as Wes, Keaton and Drew went to share their love.

- Paige, come on, come here, Drew said and waved his hand, but I was hesitating because I didn't know how the fans would react.

- Paige, we want to hug you too!!! The girls said and suprised me. I was actually a little scared but I went over and hugged them.

- How are you? Are you feeling better? Someone asked from a few metres away from me. Oh, right, they knew what had happened.

- Yes, I am, I smiled.

- Were you in the court yesterday? Did you win it? Someone else asked, and before I had the time to answer, people were already shouting out other questions. I felt confused and gave Wes an asking look.

- Hey, guys! Calm down, we love you but no more questions! He said and put his arms on my hips to protect me.

The fans didn't fight back and after the boys took some pictures with them, we got back inside and I went to find good seats from the audience with the other special guests or whatever we were called.. you know, me, Laraine, Breezy, Brooke, Bill, Kory, Rexx, Sampson and my family.

As the concert begun and the beats hit my heart, I felt a little bit of my sadness flow away. I didn't know if it was just for tonight, but at the moment this night was all I knew and all I needed right now. Wesley kept on throwing me looks over the crowd and I couldn't help but blush. Normally I didn't really like being the center of attention, but this time I didn't really care.

I had just got some lemonade to drink since the venue was full of people and the heat was up. I was just helping Ben drink his cola without pouring it all over as the guys finished singing Curious.

Wes whispered something for Drew who smirked as his bestfriend took the microphone again.

- This next song... Is our last song. And I have something to tell you. There is this really special girl that I met in the new years eve. She has been through a lot and my first impression wasn't the best first impression you could give to a girl you like. But she was... she was so amazing, that I just couldn't let her go, Wesley said.

I was shaking and I probably looked like I was in fire, but I was happy. Laraine held his arms around my shoulders and I smiled at her.

- And well, finally she gave me a chance to show who I really am. It's been a few months now and... I just love her. I just love her. And you know what, guys! She's in the audience tonight. Show some love, Emblems! The next song is called "Chloe", Wes finished his speech and I wiped a tear of joy off my cheek.

I had heard the song before, but I hadn't really listened to the lyrics, and as they started playing, I wondered if the song was actually for me. Because well, some of the lyrics were super accurate.

I felt like I was in the cloud 9. It was the most beautiful thing a guy had ever said or done to me. As I watched all the fans in the audience, I couldn't believe that all of them loved Wes. All. But he chose me. He had chosen me, the girl who's broken.

They slowly finished the song, kidding around a little and stuff. As the last drum beats were playing and the ceiling exploded from beautiful paper chaff.

- Let's get this special girl on stage, guys! Drew shouted and first I didn't even focus on his words, but then everyone started pushing me up and I realised .

- Come on, baby girl, come here! Wes allured, and even tho my legs felt weak, I stood up and ran to the stage. Wesley took my hand and hugged me tight.

- Let me introduce to you, one of the coolest girls ever, Drew said and shook my shoulder.

- This is my girl, Paige, Wes said, and suddenly his voice wasn't all confident. He sounded a little shy. He sounded... in love. And I had a hard time holding back for tears as he grabbed me and I watched the girls in the front row scream.

- She's awesome and we hope you all show her some love and care, Keaton stated and gave me a hug.

- But unfortunately we have to end our concert now. It has been such a blast and you all have been so amazing! We love you! Peace! he continued and they all bowed down for their fans like real gentlemen.

Wes took my hand and we quickly ran off the stage. I didn't know where he was taking me, but we ran through a couple hallways and a warehouse before a door came up and we stepped outside. Wesley instantly pushed my body against his and gave me one of the most passionate kisses he had ever given.

- Well what's up now, I laughed, my lips still close to his.

- Leave with me, he said, breathing heavily.

- What? I said.

- Leave with me. You've been through way too much here. We are leaving to Sequim tomorrow. Me, Keaton and Drew. Come with us, he whispered. I firmly kissed him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I stood on my toes so I was able to stroke his hair.

- Okay, I shortly said, and my boyfriend's mouth turned into a smirking smile. I looked right into his brown eyes. The moon made them sparkle like they were stars. He tightened his grip around my waist and picked me up so my legs were around his hips.

- I love you so much, babe, Wes breathed, pushing his lips against mine.

- I love you more, I smirked.

[my-soul-understands]

Chapter 11: Don't wanna hear your sad songs, don't wanna feel your pain, when you swear it's all my fault, cause you know we're not the same

As the next week came, I started getting more and more anxious about the court that was getting closer ominously. A lot of people, like Wesley, my mom, Hayley, my therapist and my lawyer, came to me saying there was nothing to worry about because the people are on my side on the first place, but right now I hadn't believed their words too well.

I wasn't even scared about Winston blaming me about everything. Everyone had seen my wounds and I knew they didn't count on his words. But I was scared of judgement. I knew how things were, I knew I had warm-hearted people around me and no one thought I was weak. But in my head they were all thinking why hadn't I gotten out of a violent relationship. They were thinking I was stupid and blind. They were judging me. And I wasn't blaming them.

- Are you ready? Wesley asked as the fateful Tuesday arrived and I stood in front of my mirror and tried my jacket on.

- No, I stated and looked at him through the mirror. He walked behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

- I'm sorry I can't be there, he apologized and kissed my neck.

- It's okay, it's not your fault, I said, trying to fake a smile. Winston's lawyer had gotten his mind through and the court people (whatever they were called) weren't going to let Wes into the court situation.

Mom knocked on my door and smiled encourangingly.

- We should go, she said. I sighed and grabbed my bag from my bed, walking downstairs behind her. Everyone stood in the living room like someone had died and they were ready to give their sympathy for me. Well, at least they gave sympathy; everyone hugged me at their turn, also Brianna and Benjamin, even tho they probably didn't even know what was going on.

- Good luck there, honey. Remember I will always support you. I love you, dad said and kissed my forehead. For a moment I wanted to be a little girl again, I wanted to be that girl who cried in her dad's arms because her big brothers Justin and Anthony had broke her doll.

- I love you too, dad, I said, swallowing my tears. I didn't want the whole family to come to the court, so the only ones coming were mom, Justin and Wes. From those people mom was the only one to come into the courtroom with me.

It was a beautiful day outside as we all stepped into the car. Way too beautiful to spend it like this. But maybe someone, maybe God, was trying to tell me it was going to be okay. I thought about things like this as the car slowly waddled by the streets. Wesley took my hand as we got closer to our destination and I think I squeezed his bones off.

Soon we were there and got out of the car. My legs were shaking and I was cold even tho it was about 90 degrees outside and the sun was shining.

The building was quiet and dismal. I felt like the dark walls were built to blame you. Wes took my hand again as we found the right hallway and sat ourselves on the hard benches.

I saw Winston's company sitting on the other head of the hallway and I was relieved that Winston was hiding behind his big lawyer so I couldn't really see him.

- You don't have even have to try there. Just be you and tell how things are, they will believe you, Justin said, turning his head closer to me so he was able to whisper it into my ear.

What are you talking about? I don't have to try? Yeah, sure, I'm just gonna go there and be all good because, well, you know. It's all good.

I loved my brother, but he just didn't understand. I wished he would just be there for me and not try to advice me. But at the moment that wasn't my biggest concern because the big doors of the courtroom had just been opened and some man called us in. I squeezed Wesley's hand and gave him a desperate look. He held me tight for a while, whispering his cute, loving words into my ear before I had to go.

A tear of fear escaped my eye, but Wes wiped it off before anyone saw and then I stood up.

- Let's go, honey, mom said and leaded me in.

*

I had been aware of how hard this was going to be, but as Winston walked in with his rude ass lawyer and his "my son has done nothing wrong"-mother, I became even more insecure and scared of how this was going to end.

I went into some kind of trans and I didn't really focus before it was my turn to tell what happened. I quickly looked at Winston, quick enough to see his face. His face was the same as always, emotionless and hard. Hard enough that it actually looked like he was ready to split on my face for getting him into this.

My lawyer squeezed my shoulder and I took a deep breathe before I stood up.

- Whenever you are ready, Ms. Cornwell, the judge said, giving me a little bit of sympathy through his voice.

I closed my eyes. I was scared.

I was scared to tell what happened. Everyone was staring at me like I was about to tell something that would shake the world. And I didn't like it, but I sucked it up and started speaking.

- It all started back in high school, about a year and a half ago, when we were seniors.. I had been a cheerleader ever since I started high school and then last year Winston became the new captain of the football team.. The team was pretty big so I hadn't really noticed him before, but as the semester started I noticed we had something going on and then.. I.. suddenly I really liked him and we started going out and...

- Ms. Cornwell, did your former boyfriend ever hurt you during the beginning of your relationship? my lawyer asked in all of a sudden and I was confused, but he smiled a little so I knew he knew what he was doing.

- Um... yes, he... he went on a date with another girl when we weren't quite a couple yet but we clearly had something going on, I gaggled.

- Are you sure you hadn't misunderstood anything, Ms. Cornwell? What if you had given complicated signals for him and he didn't know you two were getting serious? Winston's lawyer exclaimed, but the judge quickly raised his hand.

- No questions about details that are not necessary, he said and Winston's lawyer looked pissed off.

- Go on, Ms. Cornwell, the judge suggested and I took a deep breath, again.

- Well, we figured things out and started a relationship.. and everything went good for a while, but at times it seemed like he was acting really weird and something was going on.

- Can you give some details, what do you mean? my lawyer asked. I looked at Winston. He had that look on his face. That look. It just had something wrong. And then suddenly it all came up to me, those memories, how much he actually destroyed me. I felt anger. I wanted to run up to him and beat him up, but I controlled myself and tried to turn my anger into confidence.

- Winston could wake me up in the middle of the night, sending me hurtful text messages. I would cry all night, and then he would call me the next day and ask me out for a pizza like nothing had happened, I bursted out and everyone looked a little creeped out about how passionate I suddenly was.

- And everytime things like this happened, I decided it was over and he wasn't the kind of person I wanted to be with. But then he would always convince me he loved me and say things like "this is how relationships work", or "everyone fights sometimes". And of course I believed him, I was... I was just a damn girl. He would manipulate me and fool me and just make me feel like I was the worst piece of shit. I was worthless, I choked.

- Manipulating is a different thing from encouraging, young lady, Winston's lawyer said from her bench. The judge gave her a warning look before he turned to me.

- Ms. Cornwell, did your former boyfriend ever cheat on you? he asked, and I nodded shortly.

- And in what point did this happen?

- I'm not quite sure, I know he cheated on me multiple times but he never explained, I said.

- Mr. Avery, did you cheat on her? the judge asked from Winston. His eyes were bigger than the moon as he tried to ask for help from his lawyer. But his lawyer looked bummed and annoyed. I swear she could've as well slapped her client right in the face. I saw immediately that she didn't like losing courts, and I gave a short thought for every innocent person who had been judged in this room because of her.

- Yes, because she seemed unfaithful too, Winston said then and I felt like throwing up.

Fucking liar.

- That is no reason to cheat, young man. That's when you should sit down and talk. Because you never cheated on your former boyfriend, didn't you, Ms. Cornwell? My lawyer stated and nodded at me.

- No, I didn't, I said. It was the truth.

- And did Mr. Avery ever hurt you physically? the judge asked. I leaned my head back a little, trying to hold back for tears. I just didn't want to talk about this.

- He... he- yes, he did, I mumbled and my voice was shaky.

- In what point did this happen?

- After I had broken up with him. For the last time. I tried so many times, but he always got me back. But this time I had done my final decision...

- Will you please give me a detailed description about this? The judge asked.

No. I didn't want to.

I looked at mom. She was staring at her toes, so I didn't get any help from her.

- It... It was my birthday. I was turning 19.. He had contacted me earlier, telling me I was a bitch and I should already forgive him because cheating is not a big deal. I was alone at home when he came. I had no idea he was coming, and I went to open the door and he... first he just yelled..

- What did he yell at you, Ms. Cornwell? the judge looked at me behind his glasses.

- He was angry about a picture that he had seen in the internet. There was me and my new boyfriend. He acted like I had no right to date any other guy..

- Your new boyfriend, do you mean Wesley Stromberg? he confirmed and I nodded.

- And then.. then he attacked me. He.. he pushed me back a little, and then I... then... I tried to speak, but the words didn't come out of my mouth.

- He pushed me to the ground. I closed my eyes and he.. he started... he started hitting me, I said slowly, and tears started falling from my eyes.

- Can I say something? I have gotten to know Winston Avery pretty good, and he was very, very sad about the break-up. It is not acceptable that this young lady goes around internet, sharing pictures of her and her new boyfriend. She was literally praying for Mr. Avery's anger. She wanted to hurt him, Winston's lawyer said, standing up. I was suprised she was still in the game.

- Ms. Cornwell? the judge gave me an asking look.

- That's not true. I didn't want to hurt him. Wesley is in a band, and paparazzis had taken those pics and put them in the internet. Not me, I said between my tears, and my voice was full of anger.

- Your claim is denied, the judge said for Winston's lawyer and I felt a little hope in my heart.

- Ms. Cornwell, where did Mr. Avery exactly hit you? he asked from me. I sighed.

- My arms... and my thighs... and... my stomach... I cried, trying to control my emotions.

- Any else place?

- I... I can't remember, sir, I choked.

- Paige Cornwell, did Winston Avery abuse you and distract your personal life in an inappropriate way that is not allowed in the law? The judge asked me, and it sounded like a last question.

- Yes.. he did, I whispered.

- Mr. judge, let me remind you that teenage girls can often overreact, Winston's lawyer shouted. Literally shouted.

- I can surely say that the only one overreacting here is you, mistress. Mr. Winston Avery, I pronounce you as the guilty for abuse in a relationship and for this you will get 6 months of probation. Ms. Paige Cornwell, I pronounce you as innocent.

And the mallet hit the table.

It was over.

As soon as I was able, I left my bench and got out of that room as fast as I ever could. I turned left from the doors and saw Wesley and Justin waiting in the hallway. As they saw me, they immediately stood up and I ran into Wesley's arms, breaking on tears. Mom and my lawyer stood behind me, telling me it was over now and I wouldn't have to face him anymore.

But I didn't really listen.

Wesley held me on his muscular arms and I just buried my face in his chest. I was tired and done.

- Shhhh, Wes whispered in my ear, stroking my hair.

- I'm here babe. I'm right here, he softly breathed.

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 10: And she will be loved, and she will be loved

The following days I was told to focus on myself and my recovery. I felt like a child as different people took care of me through the whole day. I took sick leave from work and pretty much spent my days watching TV in my bed. It was funny how all these people were suddenly so caring about me, when I hadn't met them in a long time and no one had had any interest on keeping in touch. I realised I hadn't really had other friends than Hayley after we graduated from high school. That's how Winston had impacted on my life.

It was like I was trying to get that part back to my life. That part when I was so in love with a boy who didn't care about me that I ended up destroying myself. And now here I was, hurt and broken, waiting for someone to save me. And I knew that if someone would save me, it would be Wesley. He would be my guardian angel. He would protect me and we would grow old together...

I shook my thoughts off as someone knocked on my door. Before I had time to make a move, my three favorite boys ran in to the room and jumped on my bed. I screamed and tried my best to kick them away as they all started tickling me.

- Stop! Stop! Guys I'm serious! I shouted between my laughters.

- Surprise! Keaton yelled, starting to jump on my bed.

- Not so funny! I said and protected myself with my arms as Drew and Wes kept on teasing me.

- Alright, alright, we'll stop, Wesley caved and they all settled down, laying next to me.

- How are you feeling, hun? Wes asked and gave me a kiss to my forehead.

- I don't know. The first shock has gone away, but yeah I don't know... I mumbled.

- Just remember that we won't leave you, and we are here to just, make you feel better and recover. You are always stronger than you think you are and you're so amazing, that like, you will get through this, Paige, Drew said, squeezing my hand.

- Aww, thanks Drew, I smiled. I just loved Drew, not the same way I loved Wes, but I loved him as a friend. As someone who was always there for me.

- But what's going on with you guys? How's the album? I asked.

- Everything's going really well. The first single is coming out in two weeks and we'll finish the album until that. It's so rad, Wesley told me.

- Speaking of that, we have a concert at the Roxy in a week, and I realised I'm a pretty bad boyfriend, he continued and got me confused.

- What do you mean? You're not a bad boyfriend, Wes, I said and looked him in the eye. He had a mysterious look on his face, and so did Drew and Keaton, so I knew something was going on.

- Well, I haven't taken you in any of our concerts yet! he smirked then and they all laughed at my scared face. I hit my boyfriend with a pillow and he grabbed me and pulled me on top of him.

- Are you serious?!? I shouted. I couldn't believe I was finally going to their concert.

- Yes, I'm serious! he smiled and wrapped his arms around me.

- Are you coming? We know it can be hard for you, but we thought it could cheer you up a little bit, Keaton said.

- Of course I'm coming! I have a week to prepare myself for getting out of this damn bed, I joked and they all laughed.

- That's good to hear, Drew said and stroked Mellow who was lying on the side of my bed.

- Well, now you have to escape your bed for a while because your mom told us the dinner is ready, Wesley noted and gently rolled me off of his belly. We all stood up and as I walked downstairs behind the guys, I actually felt a little joy. I was lucky to have them as my friends and Wes as my boyfriend.

It was hard for me to face anyone alone, which was why I pretty much didn't leave my room, so I was relieved Drew and Keaton and Wes took the attention off of me with their lively personalities.

- Why were you all so loud upstairs? dad asked as he grabbed some pasta.

- Um, we were talking about our Roxy concert. We are taking Paige there, if you guys just let her come, Wesley said and gave an asking look for my parents. They looked at each other and mom was looking a little bit worried, but after a little moment she nodded.

- Yeah, I guess she can go. I mean, legally we couldn't even stop her anymore, she said and shrugged.

- But hey, why don't you guys come too? I think we can get y'all tickets, Drew suggested.

- Well, why not? I would like to see you guys perform, I've heard you are pretty good, dad said with an approbative tone in his voice.

I didn't know what was my opinion about my whole family cramming into the concert, but I didn't say anything and at least this would be a good way for our families to get to know each other a little better.

I just had one thing that was interrupting my future.

I had to face Winston in court next week, right before the concert.

[my-soul-understands]

You need to update asap!!!

Well as I said in my post, my computer is broken so right now I can't :/ I'm sorry and I will be updating as soon as it gets fixed! 

[my-soul-understands]

idek me and my computer just lost the connection we used to have.

GUYs my laptop is broken so I can't write a new chapter, but I hope it starts working again soon so I can continue the fanfic :/ Sorry! 

[my-soul-understands]

great fanfiction! keep it up!

Thank you sweetheart! :) Glad you enjoy. 

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 9: Kiss me like you wanna be loved

Okay so even tho I have songs playing in my blog, but if you read the fanfic from there, I suggest you pausing the music and listening to Ed Sheeran's Kiss Me (especially in the end) because it kind of belongs to this chapter. :-) Hope you enjoy the chapter!

  The sunset blinded my eyes for a second as our old car bended to our home street. Wesley crossed his fingers with mine and from the corner of my eye I saw him looking at me.

- Are you ready to go back home? He smiled a little.

I turned my head and nodded slowly.

*

It had been two weeks since I got hospitalized. I had major injuries in my stomach and I had went through two surgeries during the time I was there, but for the last few days I had been moved to rehab, where I got some psychological help so I was able to be demobilized.

But I was still broken, inside and out.  I just didn’t want anyone to see it.

I was ashamed. I was ashamed of myself, because I let the violence happen. No matter how much the therapists or Wesley or my mother tried to convince me I was the victim and I hadn’t done anything wrong, I still felt like people were judging me. The scars next to my and the bruises in my hands were a proof of my weakness, how I wasn’t able to get rid of a violent relationship.

Dad stopped the car in front of our door and Wesley helped me out, holding my waist so I was able to walk. Everyone thought I had problems walking because I was hurting – and that was the truth -  but it wasn’t hurting because my body was hurting, it was because I was hurting inside. It just took me a lot mentally because I could’ve as well fall down and never get up.

Wesley opened up the door for me and I saw our neighbors, family and some friends standing on the living room, cheering for me.

I felt humiliated and pissed.

Was everyone that stupid that they didn’t realise I couldn’t fucking take this yet?

Everyone looked at me quietly, like they were waiting for me to start laughing and do a round of big and warm hugs, telling everyone how much I loved them and how good I felt now that it was all over.

It wasn’t over. Nothing was over. The hard part was about to start. Recovery, and even worse – court. I’d have to face Winston for many times.

I wanted to yell at everyone, but I controlled myself and walked through the living room. I stayed careful not to touch anyone as I left them all hanging and walked up the stairs. I felt everyone staring at my back, and an awkward silence settled down to the room. I was probably disappointing them, but at the moment I didn’t really care.

I didn’t really give a shit. I was done staying strong. It was my turn to not be okay.

I threw my bags and my dirty shirt on the floor and climbed under my blankets in my bra and sweatpants. My bed felt so safe and familiar, after I had spent the last two weeks in those cold hospital beds.

After I had laid under my blankets for a while, in a total silence and darkness with my eyes closed, I felt Wes climb there too and wrap his arms around me.

- I’m sorry, we should’ve known you’re not ready for this... for facing people, Wesley sighed and tightened his grip a little. A tear escaped my eye and I snuffled once while weeping.

- I’m just so tired, Wes, I said with a huge frog in my throat. I buried my face in my hands and Wes stroked my arms gently.

- Please don’t leave me. Just don’t go away, I whispered desperately.

- I’m here, Paige. I’m here for you. I promise, he choked and I flinched at the passion he had in his voice.

- I love you, he said.

It was the first time. We had said it before, but just because it was our way to end up a phone call or something, so it had basically just ment the same as if we would’ve said it to a friend.

But I knew this was the first official time he told me he loved me.

He loved me.

I pushed the blankets off and turned around so I could lay my head on his chest. I looked up and he wiped the tears off of my cheeks.

- I just want you to be alright, he whispered.

- I love you, I said to him and reached out for a kiss. He had his another arm on my belly and another wrapped around my neck, and with that one he gently stroked my neck. He turned on top of me a little and I felt his heartbeats get a little faster, but I gave him a soft kiss on his cheek and pulled off.

- Not right now, babe. Sorry, I said, rubbing my teary eyes.

- I want to take a shower, I stated and took my socks off, throwing them on the floor.

- Well take your clothes off in the shower then, lady, don’t tease an innocent boy, Wesley said as I was about to undress myself. I uttered a laughter.

- Okay okay, I said, gave him a quick kiss and rolled myself over him so I got to the door.

- Good to see you smile, babe, he noted and I smiled before I left the room.

I heard a few people chatting downstairs, but I assumed most people already had left. I grabbed a towel from the utility room and sneaked to the shower without anyone noticing. I felt a desperate need to get my clothes off and wash my body, I needed to get pure. I needed to wash away the smell of the hallways of the hospital, the sound of the ticking clock on the wall of my therapist’s room and the feeling of shame.

I got rid of my clothes, opened my hair and stepped to the shower. The cold water felt good on my skin and I wished the waterdrops would’ve flushed away the pain as they flowed to the sewer. I carefully washed every inch of my hair so it was cleaner than ever, rubbed all the dirt away from my arms, my legs, my thighs, my back and my stomach.

I don’t know when, but in some part my skin started to get red and biting and I had to stop and get out. I dried my hair and found some underwear to put on before I went back to my room. As Wes saw me having nothing to wear, he immediately took his T-shirt off and pulled me closer so he was able to throw it on me. He sat on the bed leaning his back to the back of my bed with his knees bended up and climbed between them, crossing my legs and wrapping my arms around him as I rested my head on his chest. He stroked my head and quietly sang to me until  I fell asleep.

  Settle down with me

Cover me up, cuddle me in

Lie down with me, hold me in your arms

  And your hearts against my chest

Lips pressed to my neck

I’ve fallen for your eyes

But they don’t know me yet

And the feeling I forget

I’m in love now

  Kiss me like you wanna be loved

Wanna be loved

Wanna be loved

This feels like I’m falling in love

Falling in love

Falling in love

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 8: Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try, to fix you

I woke up to the sound of the rain. I shrinked under my blankets and thought about the fact it was my last day as an 18 year old.

It had been a month since Hayley left to the treatment center and we were gonna get her home with Wes today. It felt weird to get her back into my life.

But I was ready to start the year 2013 with her, even tho it was already March. Anyhow, it was my birthday tomorrow and I couldn’t wait for celebrating it in Disneyland.

I noticed the house was quiet so I put my college pants on and went downstairs. I saw no one but Mellow, so I assumed no one was home. I took some yoghurt and called Wes.

- Hi baby, did I wake you up? I said.

- Noo, I was just taking a shower. What’s up? he answered.

- Nothing much, I was thinking what time do we leave today? To pick Hayley up? I asked.

- Um.. We needed to pick her up? Wesley sounded confused and I couldn’t believe he forgot.

- What?! I can’t believe you forgot it, Wesley! I sighed.

- Okay okay, chill babe I was just kidding. I’m gonna pick you up around 1 pm, he laughed and I was relieved.

- Come on, don’t scare me like that! But yeah I’ll be ready, I said and uttered a laughter.

- Haha sorry babe. Well I’ll be there in an hour, te amo mucho, Wes said and smacked his lips to throw me a kiss through the phone. I couldn’t get over him doing that. And he knew it so he always did it.

- Te amo tambien, I smirked and hung up.

I went back to my room and changed to jeans and a sweater since the weather wasn’t so warm today. I texted Hayley saying that we would be there in 2 hours and flinged myself on the bed, battling to get my hair on a ponytail.

I looked outside and saw someone jogging on the street. The water splashed under her sneakers when she ran through the puddles.

It wasn’t very often when the rain reached California. And we all were always acting like we were terrified and it was horrible, but I think we all actually loved it. Just because the world saw us as super-tanned surfers, not as people who wanted to go out and splash in the muddy puddles. The rain was a chance for us to show we were more than sunbathers.

And rain was beautiful. Rain was a promise of better, it made everything greener so the sun was able to shine again.

I closed my eyes for a minute and listened to the raindrops hitting my window, but soon I was distracted by the sound of the doorbell.

I assumed it was Wes and I was glad he was in time since he was sucha latebird.

- I’m coming! I shouted as I ran down the stairs.

I peeked from the peephole and saw a glimpse of a blue hoodie so I knew it was Wesley and opened the door humming some song on my lips.

In the next seconds, there was millions of thoughts running through my head.

Wait. What. But. Why. What. Oh God. Oh God. But what? No. Oh God. No. How.. why? Oh God.

Oh God.

It wasn’t Wesley.

I only got the first letter right.

It was Winston.

I gasped and quickly backed up. I saw the look in his eyes and from an experience I knew this was not good.

I tried to figure out a place I could lock myself in, but there was no such place so I knew I just had to act fearless.

I stood by the couch and nervously fiddled the back rest.

- What is this?! What the FUCK is this, Paige?!? He yelled, swinging a picture of me and Wes in the air. He had been stalking us. I knew it. The picture he had was only leaked by a few rare gossip pages.

- It isn’t your business, I said, swallowing my tears.

- HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!? He bellowed. His eyes were in fire and I didn’t like the way he came on me.

- We aren’t together, Winston, I said, and my voice couldn’t have been any slower.

I realised it was a mistake only seconds after I said it. He grabbed my shoulder and strongly pushed me back. I was swaying and I desperately looked around to find something to defend myself with.

But there was no one, there was not a thing.

He pushed me again and I fell to the floor. I kept my eyes closed, silently praying someone would come home soon.

I felt him punching me on my left eye and the penetrating pain hit me right away.

I couldn’t breathe. Not because it hurt so bad, but I was so scared. I covered myself with my hands to protect my body, but it didn’t stop him, it just focused the following hits in my arms.

My whole body was in a shock.

My only hope was someone coming in and taking him away. I knew I had nothing against him.

The worst part wasn’t the pain. It was waiting. Waiting for him to stop. Laying on the floor, just wishing he would stop.

Stop.

Stop.

Please.

Don’t kill me.

I didn’t know if I was crying. I didn’t know anything at the moment. I didn’t know anything, but the pain in my body. The pain inside my head.

And it was so big, that it closed the outer world off. I drifted away from things like “recovery” or “getting over” or “being okay.”

It was funny tho. It was funny how other people said they hadn’t got over their ex-boyfriends because they still loved them.

But for me, it wasn’t like that. I hadn’t got over my ex-boyfriend because I hadn’t got over what he did to me.

I couldn’t hear a thing, but apparently the door had been open since I suddenly felt it stop.

I was too in shock to open my eyes, to move, to breathe.

I was too in shock to know what happened in the next moments, but I felt someone grab me to his arms and somehow I knew it was Wesley. He leaned on the wall and lifted me so I was steadily leaning on his chest. He held his arms around me and I could feel his heart beating fast.

I felt a tear drop falling on my shoulder.

It wasn’t mine.

I opened my eyes and looked up.

- Paige, he whispered.

- Why was he here?

I wanted to answer his question but my lips didn’t move. He wiped the tears off of his cheeks and took a deep breathe. I felt like a paralyzed.

- Let’s get in the car, he said calmly and very, very gently and carefully lifted me up, carrying me to the car.

He sat me on the backseat of the car, covering me with blankets and giving me multiple kisses before he hopped in and started driving.

I didn’t know where were we going, but my solid guess was the hospital.

Wow.

 Three months of dating and the second time we were going to the hospital. It was even the same reason, just a different person.

I heard him make a few phone calls.

One of them was for my mom, one of them to the hospital and one of them for Drew or Keaton, I couldn’t tell.

I noticed I was constantly reminding myself to breathe. My lungs were hurting and I had to fight to keep the air coming and going.

I had always hated the phrase “Everyone’s going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth for.”

I never thought it would come in front of me.

I never thought this would be my life.

I looked at the man sitting on the driver’s seat.

That boy.

He was my savior.

I felt like Rose from Titanic.

A: I was screaming and no one could hear me.

B: I was trying to get away from my violent partner because I had fallen in love with another boy.

C: Well I don’t know the C but having A and B felt too little so I had to add this.

*

We got to the hospital and I was ready to walk in, but Wesley came and picked me up again.

 I felt humiliated as we, or he, walked through the parking lot and I laid in his arms like a dead alien.

I hoped they didn’t think Wesley had any part on what happened to me. I hoped they all thought “Wow, he must be the best boyfriend in the world.” I hoped they all got in the car and said “Did you see that girl who the boy was carrying? He must’ve saved her.”

We walked in and the nurses rolled a wheelchair in front of me, helping Wesley put me down.

I strictly kept my eyes on my feet. I didn’t want anyone to see me. I was ashamed. I was scared.

But Wesley held my hand. He strongly held my hand the whole frigging time as I got pushed through the hallway, through the crowd of different people, everyone having their own theories of what happened to me.

He wasn’t scared to show up with a girl like this. He wasn’t ashamed of me.

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 7: All the music of life seems to be, like a bell that is ringing for me

But right now it everything was fine and I had no care in the future. If something bad would happen, then it would. Right now I was too happy to let any kind of doubts get in my way.

It was a sunny afternoon and me and Wes were driving to ours’ to have a dinner with my family. We had been shopping for the whole day and I was starving.

- Do you think there will be a lot of pictures by the paps? I asked.

- Hmmh, I don’t know, you never really know about them. It has been a lot crazier too, tho, he mumbled.

He stopped the car in front of our house and we hopped off. My family was sitting on the terrace and we walked there quickly. Also Carlee and her family had came over and when she saw me she instantly ran to me and gave me a big hug.

- Sisterrr! How are you? She asked.

- I’m totally fine, I smiled.

- What about you? I asked, noticing she seemed a little nervous.

- Couldn’t be better! She smiled loudly.

- Well what’s going on, I mean, something good is going on! I uttered a laughter.

- You will see. We have an announcement, she smirked.

- Well tell me! Come on, Carlee! I demanded.

- No, shut up, I will tell y’all later, she slapped my hand gently.

- Tell us! Tell us! Wesley said, acting like a captain of a cheering team.

- What’s going on? Is there something you want to tell? Mom joined the conversation.

Carlee looked at Ross and he nodded.

- Okay, okay.. Well, everyone, we have a little announcement, Carlee said and everyone got quiet.

- Are you pregnant again? Anthony kidded and Carlee facepalmed at him.

- We’re getting married, me and Ross, she said.

- Finally! I shouted out and hugged her.

- Oh my Godness, my darling! Mom yelled mouth wide open and ran to hug her. We all did a giant group hug and even Wesley joined us.

I was happy. I was literally surrounded with people I loved and people who loved ME.

- When is the wedding? Dad asked as we broke away from each other.

- It’s in June. 26th of June, Ross specified.

We were all joyful about the news as we sat down and started eating.

- Well, are we waiting for another engagement soon? dad teased, looking at Wesley.

I blushed and the situation got very uncomfortable for me, but Wesley handled it well.

- We’ll see, we’ll see, Mr. Cornwell, he said with a very dignified voice and dad laughed.

I looked at Wesley and he looked flattered. His cheeks were red and he looked like an excited dog, like Simon Cowell would’ve said.

I wondered how long we would last.

I wondered if I would one day marry him.

I wished.

- No dad, the next engagement should be Justin and Ashley, Carlee said and we all agreed.

- Seriously tho, you guys have been dating for like, 5 years or what, I said, partly so we would change the topic away from me and Wes. Justin smirked.

- Stop pressuring me! He laughed.

- Yes, stop, soon all my children will be married! I am not prepared, mom laughed.

- Don’t worry, mother, Ben and Bri are still yours for more than 10 years, Anthony said and tapped mom in her back.

- You’re right. Awh, you all are so big. I can’t believe you all are legal already, mom said.

- Don’t start tearing up. I mean you have done a good job since you have two over 20 year old sons and both of them still live at home, Anthony noted.

- Well to be honest, since this seems to be the dinner of announcements... me and Ashley are getting a house from Pismo Beach, Justin announced suddenly. We all were kinda stunned. I mean we were all prepared for another 5 years of dating with no progressive steps.

- So I was right about the engagement, Carlee said.

- No one has talked about engagements! Justin said and Carlee laughed.

- Chill, she said.

As we finished eating me and Wes promised mom we would do the dishes. I was proud of Wesley because I knew he was not the cleanest person on Earth.

- I almost can’t wait until we move in and I’m the only one cleaning the house up, I said sarcastically.

- I know right, it’s gonna be so much fun, Wesley teased and I punched him gently. He shook some detergent foam on me and I gasped, throwing some foam on him.

- Oh you don’t wanna have this battle with me, babe, he said. I couldn’t help but giggle when he called me ‘babe’.

- Oh yeah? I teased and threw some more. He attacked me washing my nose with the dishing brush and I screamed.

- Eww, Wes! I giggled.

- Calm down, youngsters. Or I will join, dad peeked to the kitchen.

- Okay, we need to stop before he joins, trust me, I convinced.

- You’re just scared, Wesley laughed and lifted my chin gently.

- Hold on, he said, took some paper towel and wiped the foam off of my nose. I looked at him in the eyes and his mouth stretched to a slight smile.

He bit his lip.

- You’re so beautiful, he huffed, wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me.

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 6: When everything's ment to be broken, I just want you to know who I am

He sat on the bench next to me and took my hand. I looked at him and tried to squeeze his fingers but I didn’t have any power.

- Don’t move, Wesley said and stroked my hand. I noticed he was soaking wet.

- You’re gonna be fine, he whispered as the paramedics started giving me extra oxygen.

- How do you feel? Are you able to talk? One of them asked.

- Dizzy, I whispered quietly.

- Dizzy? Okay, that’s normal. Are you aware of what happened? The paramedic continued.

- I... I don’t… I stammered but my lips felt too weak to speak.

- Okay, you don’t need to talk yet, just rest. You got your head hit and swallowed a lot of water. You have some lack of oxygen and probably a concussion, an average one or in the worst case a major one, the paramedic told me but I couldn’t really focus on his words.

- Now, let’s give you some dry clothes, young man, the other paramedic, a male one, told Wesley and he changed to a black sweater and college pants that he found from the space between the driver’s seat and the patient’s room.

As we got to the hospital, my family was already there and they all ran to us as I got pushed to the hospital room.

- How are you feeling, darling? Mom asked me but I didn’t manage to answer. The doctors explained the situation to my family and I heard dad, Anthony and Justin convince they would stay in the hospital over the night.

I wasn’t really aware of what happened in the next hours, I just knew several doctors visited me and I got some more extra oxygen in some part. I also remember Drew, Keaton and Laura visiting me during the evening but overall I remember nothing but my dad, my brothers and Wesley sitting next to my bed the whole time.

*

I woke up feeling major pain in my head. Actually every part of my body was hurting. I opened my eyes and noticed I was able to keep them open way better than last night. I turned around slowly and saw Wesley, still patiently sitting next to me. His eyes looked tired and his hair was a mess.

- Paige! He said and took my hand.

- How do you feel?

- Painful. But better, I answered. My voice was weak and down, but I was able to pronounce words. Wesley came closer to me and gently wrapped his arms around my head, giving me a soft kiss on my forehead.

- I stayed up all night, he told me.

- Wes… I said.

- No, it’s okay, they tried to get me home but I didn’t want to go. I’m just trying to be a good boyfriend, he smiled and stroked my hair.

- A boyfriend, I noted. A smile came to my face, too.

- Thank God you’re smiling again, Wesley said and kissed my forehead again as Justin and Anthony walked in.

 - Paige! You’re awake! Anthony exclaimed and ran to me to give me some water, but I refused to take it.

Dad walked into the room, carrying the whole family behind him. Mom, Benjamin, Brianna, Carlee, Carlee’s kids, Carlee’s boyfriend and my uncle Ted.

- Paige, honey, mom said and kissed me on my cheek.

- Oh my poor sister, Carlee sighed.

- What even happened, how can Hayley do something like-, she said but her boyfriend Ross jostled her gently.

- Let’s leave Paige alone from the questions, he suggested and everyone agreed.

- No, it’s okay, I want to know what happened. I don’t remember, I told them. Everyone looked at Wesley and he took a deep breathe.

- Well, we were at Kory’s house and I assume you and Hayley had fought over something. I don’t really know what happened but in all of a sudden she was attacking you and um… she hit you and you fell to the pool, Wesley said. He waited my reaction, looking scared. I took a deep breathe, not really knowing what to say.

- How can she… but… where is she now? I asked.

- She spent the night at the watchhouse but I don’t really know anything more, Wesley said. I nodded, biting my lip.

I couldn’t believe me and Hayley had got to this point.

Would we ever be able to get our friendship back?

*

I got home later that day and for the next couple days I did nothing but laid in the bed, getting spoiled by Wesley and my family. It was my last day off from work, and I was surfing the internet  in my room, watching Wesley play some video game. Obviously the happenings of that night had went straight to Twitter and I felt pity for the fanbase having drama over me. I had been able to win their sympathy pretty well tho, so a lot of people were sending me love and I tried to give it back to everyone.

I was just tweeting about me going to back to work tomorrow when mom opened my door.

- You have a guest, she told me. I nodded and she let the guest in.

It was Hayley.

- Hi, she said. I didn’t say anything. Not because I was insanely mad, which I wasn’t, but because I didn’t really know what to say. I knew Hayley well enough to realize something had to be really wrong for her to act violent.

- Paige, I’m so sorry, she broke down in tears.

Wesley looked at me, ready to drive her away but I shook my head so he didn’t.

- Can you ever… ever forgive me? I just… I do not know how to gain your trust, ever again.. I got you to hospital, she said, burying her face to her hands.

- I can forgive you, I said. She looked up. Also Wesley looked at me.

- But… no. No. It’s not right. You can’t just forgive me. You could’ve died, Paige, she cried out.

- Hayley, I know who you are. What happened, happened, and it’s necessary for my recovery to not feel anger towards you. I am hurt, but I don’t see a reason to stay mad, I explained. Hayley sat on the foot of my bed and looked down. I could see she was carrying a huge pack of regret on her shoulders. I could see she was willing to do anything to go back to that night and do things differently.

- I am leaving to the treatment center this week, she said after a long silence.

- What? Why? I mean everyone makes mistakes, it’s not like you are losing your sanity, I marveled.

- No… Paige I haven’t told you something. Remember when I told you that my dad hit my mom? He never did. It was me, Hayley gasped. I was shocked.

- Maybe you shouldn’t put too much stressful thoughts in Paige’s head, she’s still recovering, Wesley said with a little cocky tone in his voice, but I touched his hand to calm him down.

- And remember when I started yelling at you because you forgot to bring me my sunglasses that I had left in your bag? And remember when I pushed my little brother because he was complaining about food and he fell off the chair? You’ve only seen the good side. This is not new. I need to go there, Paige, Hayley continued. I kept on looking at her mouth wide open. I never knew there was this much I didn’t know. I took a moment to calm my thoughts down, stood up and hugged her.

- I love you, sis. And I forgive you, and I love you, and I just want you to be fine. And I don’t judge you. I would never do that, I said.

- I love you more, bitch! Hayley said and sounded like the normal Hayley Shepherd again. I laughed and she shook herself off of my grip.

- I should probably go… And I’m not sure if I’ll be able to see you before I leave. But promise me you’ll come visit! Hayley said as she stood up.

- I promise, I smirked, even tho I had to hold back for tears. I had missed her so frigging bad.

We had grown up together. This is not something that we planned to happen. But we’d get through it.

We always did.

Hayley grabbed her bag and walked to the door. Before she left, she turned around.

- Oh, and I’m really happy for you and Wesley, she smiled closing the door behind her.

I looked at Wesley with a smile on my face bended over to grab my arms around him. He gave me a few little kisses and squeezed me like usual. I buried my face in his hoodie and tears started streaming down my face.

And Wesley hugged me tight and I leaned on his shoulder. His hug was so warm and safe and it made me feel like everything was fine as long as I had him.

I wanted to have him.

Forever.

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 5: Say what ya mean, mean what ya say

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 4: I know you get me, so I let my walls come down

- I’m leaving to Sequim tomorrow, Wesley told me and threw me one of his T-shirts and college pants.

- Look away, I said so I was able to change to dry clothes.

- Why? How long are you gonna be there? I asked as I went to stand next to him to the doorway of the boat.

- It’s my hometown so I’m going there to see some friends I haven’t seen in a while. But I’ll be back in a week, he smiled and put his arm on my shoulder.

 - Will we see when you come back? I sighed quite sadly.

- Of course we’re gonna see when I come baaack, Wesley said like it was obvious and kissed me on my hair. I smirked and crossed my fingers in his fingers that were on my shoulder.

- These pants are like 10 size too big tho, I noted then and Wes laughed.

- You’re just too tiny! he teased and wrapped his arms around me squeezing me gently to prove his point. I giggled and leaned my head upon his shoulder, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes.

- I just want to take it slow from now on… is it okay? I said with some insecurity in my voice.

- Of course, however you like it, Paige. I just want to make you feel safe. You deserve good, Wesley agreed and got me smile.

*

It had been a couple of mornings and I still felt like heaven from that night. I knew I was kind of letting myself down since I had promised myself not to fall for anyone in a while but I guess life can surprise you and I wasn’t too sad about how it surprised me. I hadn’t felt this kind of happiness in a long time.. I felt ability to breathe again.

I got that job I had applied and started in it right away, which was good so the time before next Monday would go by faster. Now that I was so high from that guy, all I wanted to do was be with him. I thought about him literally all the frigging time. On the back of my head I had a doubt of him missing me at all, but Wesley had called me earlier that day to tell me he’d be coming back on Monday so at least he thought of me.

My job was a few miles away from my home and I didn’t have my own car so I had to get along with dad’s old car while dad used mom’s car because he said he didn’t want to show up to his work with that old junk. He was a policeman and to me policemen had always had a good sense of

humor so I didn’t really get him. Anyways my job was a waitress in this cute coffee bar called Bernard’s  and the first day went well and I even made friends with this sweet high schooler Laura. She actually went to same high school that I graduated from last year but she had been a sophomore at that time so maybe that was why I didn’t recognize her.

As Sunday came I started to be pretty thrilled about seeing Wesley and I couldn’t stop going through his Instagram-pics that he had posted during the week. I was working a couple hours that day and people there didn’t ignore my excitement.

- Is something happening since you’re so hyped? Laura kept asking.

- Maybe, I smiled turning up my nose.

- Oh, so it’s because of a guy, right? You’re seeing someone? she teased.

- Maybe, I said mysteriously.

 - Well, he’s this band guy but it’s nothing serious yet, we just had our first date last week and we’ll be seeing each other again tomorrow when he comes home from Washington, I explained.

- Aww! What’s his name? Laura asked.

- Wesley, I said and blushed a bit. Laura’s eyes got bigger.

- Emblem3’s Wesley? She almost shouted.

- Be quiet, I don’t want the whole place to know I might be dating Wesley Stromberg! I grinched but smiled. I really wanted to stay out of publicity with this and keep myself grounded.

*

Welsey called me later that day and told me he would pick me up around 3 pm so we could go hang out at his house. Hearing his voice got me so excited that I lost my sleep that night and I had so much butterflies on my stomach that I thought I would explode. I was glad I had been at work today so I got tomorrow off.

When tomorrow finally came, I jumped off of my bed and went straight to my closet to pick clothes. I realised it was gonna be harder than I thought and I ended up changing my outfit for a billion times. When I finally made my decision I wasn’t perfectly good with it but I decided to leave it that way because this was basically not even a date. And anyways I wore a pajama on our first date so this wasn’t that important decision.

My outfit consisted of a yellow T-shirt, denim vest and my cute rock’n’roll-denim shorts. I turned my hair over a little bit and put some makeup on before going downstairs. I had obviously slept quite long since it was already 2.30 pm and I started feeling panicky.

- Are you going somewhere? Mom asked when she noticed I was dressed up.

- Yeah, I said.

- With Hayley? You haven’t been hanging out with her in a while.

- Nah, I told her. Ugh, Hayley, I hadn’t even thought of her. I didn’t even know if we were fighting or not, but if yes, we were acting kinda childish.

- Okay, well, report me if you’re staying somewhere over the night, I don’t wanna get worried like that night on new years, mom said and I mumbled an agreeing answer to her.

I watched TV for a quart and then put on my turquoise flats and sunglasses, making a final check on my face. I heard Wesley turn to our front yard and I ran outside as he stepped out of the car to hug me.

- Hi sweetheart, I’ve missed you, he said.

- Aww, I’ve missed you too, I said trying to calm my feelings down. We jumped in to the car and he put the radio on.

- So, what have you been up to? he asked and gave me a look.

- Well, I got a job at Bernard’s, you know that coffee bar? So I’ve just been working, that’s pretty much it, I told him.

- Oh cool. Why didn’t you go to college, by the way? he said.

- I just didn’t feel it. And anyways I just want to have my own cute cafeteria one day, and I don’t feel like I need that much school to do that, I uttered a laughter.

- Oh okay, Wesley smiled.

 - So you have a place on your own or were you just alone at new years? I asked, realising I didn’t even know that.

- I have the house with Drew and Keaton but Keaton lives half there and half at my mom’s because he needs to do school stuff too and mom doesn’t want him to get too distracted, Wes laughed a bit and so did I. I found it so cute, all of them just living their dream together.

We got to their house and I hadn’t realised how awesome it was. Wesley parked his car on the yard and I walked into the house behind him.

- YO GUYS, I’M HOME! He announced and threw his backpack to the couch.

- Hi dude, I was so lonely here without you, Drew came from the kitchen and gave a hug for Wesley. 

- Heey, are you the girl from the party? he noted smiling.

- Haha, I am, I smirked and he gave me a hug. We all walked upstairs and climbed to the roof terrace, which, by the way, was flipping awesome. There was a pool, a dining place and a mini basketball court. I saw some friend of theirs bouncing a basketball on the court and Wesley hollaed at him as he came to us.

- This is Paige, he introduced me and I loved the way he pronounced my name.

- Hi Paige, Kory smiled and gave me a quick hug before throwing a hoodie on.

- Where’s Keaton tho? Wes asked.

- He spent the whole holiday here so Laraine wanted him to stay at home until he gets into schooling again. So, do you guys have any plans? Drew said.

- Not really, I thought we could to McDonalds or something, Wesley said giving me an asking look and I nodded.

- Okay well let’s go then, I’m actually starving, Drew said and we all agreed, running downstairs chasing eachother. Wesley ended up tickling me and I gave up as he picked me up on his shoulders and carried me to the car.

As we got some tasty junkfood from McDonalds, we decided to go hang out on the beach with Keaton, Lijah and Kyle Miner.

We had so much fun and I really enjoyed myself. Luckily there was no crazy people screaming for the guys, just a few girls who wanted pictures with them. As everyone else started leaving home, me and Wesley stayed on the beach for a while so we could spend some time alone. It was really peaceful on the beach and we walked around it hand in hand, talking about everything.

- I really like you, Paige, he aspirated suddenly. I blushed and looked at him.

- I like you too, I said. He held my hand a little tighter as some surfer guys walked by and looked at me. My heartbeats got faster from the feeling of someone being so protective over me. If the guy next to me would’ve been Winston, he would probably be shouting at me right now, telling me I knew those guys and we had something going on or something.

We kept on walking on the beach for a while and then decided to leave. I could’ve spent the whole night with him, but I had work tomorrow and he had to go to the studio.

- So, do you wanna go to a dinner after work tomorrow? Wesley asked me in the car.

- Yeah, that would be nice, I smiled. We curved to my homestreet and Wes stopped the car in front of my house. He leaned over the gearstick and gave me a kiss before I stepped out of the car. I looked over my shoulder and saw him wink at me before driving away. I did a little happy dance and ran in.

- I knew it! You HAVE something going on with Wesley Stromberg! Justin announced right away when I stepped in.

- Oh, I do? I questioned.

 - Come on, Twitter is filled with these pictures, Justin told me and I immediately attacked his laptop. Some Emblems were being pretty confused and upset, and as I clicked the links, I saw some pictures of us walking to McDonalds. I was relieved there was no pictures of us on the beach, or else I would’ve probably been already dead according to the fans.

- You’re going to be famous, my sister, Justin tapped my back.

I took a deep breathe. We really needed to be more careful on the future.

[my-soul-understands]

*My Soul Understands* Chapter 3: Girl let me love you, and I will love you, until you learn to love yourself

“I’ll be waiting for you tonight, sweetheart xx”

It was the same unknown number, so at least I got a confirmation about it.

- I’m not your sweetheart, I mumbled and threw the phone on the foot of the bed. I had no idea what to do, should I go just for fun or keep ignoring that poor band guy. I had a sense that this day would be fucked up anyways. I was on a bad mood and what didn’t make it better was the fact Benny had just let Mellow to my room and they both ran to my bed and Benny started jumping.

- Shit, Melly, don’t step on my stomach! Can you please take her away, Benny, I said and pulled my blanket over my ears.

- MOOOOOM!!!! ANTHONYYYYY!!!!! JUSTIIIIIN!!!! I screamed and Anthony walked in to my room.

- Benjamin, buddy, come off or your sister is gonna choke you, he joked and pulled Benny away from my bed.

- I’m not gonna choke you, Benny, I denied Anthony’s claim and wrapped my arms around Mellow who had just lied next to me.

I decided to get out of the bed and stood up. I went to get a shower and then threw on one of my dresses. I was just about to go get some breakfast until Hayley called me.

 - Tell me this Facebook status isn’t about you! She importuned.

- What status? I wondered.

- Wesley Stromberg’s Facebook status, she said.

- Yeah, what status? I’m not his friend in Facebook, I explained.

- Oh. Well, he updated his status saying “Pwease go out with me gurl”, not mentioning anyone special, Hayley told me. I shook my head.

- That could be about anyone. Or they could just be some lyrics, I stated.

- They are not. I hang in Facebook 24/7, if you post lyrics there you post them the way they are written, I do not think anyone typed “please” as “pwease” in their SONG, Hayley said and I know she was right.

- Paige, just tell me if there’s something going on! she continued.

- There isn’t, I said hanging her up. I was getting pissed. There WASN’T anything going on. Couldn’t people leave me alone about guys for a second. I was still broken by the way Winston had treated me, for so long. Too long so I could trust any guy in the near future, yet the one who I had nothing but bad experiences with. And it seemed like even he was taking me for granted. I couldn’t believe I even considered going out with him.

*

My intuition was right. The day showed up to be a mess and I just ended up locking myself into my room crying over the stupidest things. I had ignored calls from people all day long and Hayley probably assumed I was mad at her since I had hung up on her earlier that day. I had already changed my dress back to an oversized, pink t-shirt my sister wore when she was pregnant. The dress had been a hope-giver of a good day, but it no longer was one and I had thrown it out of the window, being so pissed.

I buried my face in my pillow and just cried. Cried until my head hurt and cried until my face was soaking wet of the tears… cried until my phone rang, once again. I took a deep breath and answered, just to get some mind peace.

- Hi, the voice said and I immediately realised picking up the phone was the worst decision I had made in a long while.

- Winston, I said. My voice was weak.

- God, finally you answered! he said. I hated the tone he had in his voice, he sounded like he was pissed I hadn’t picked up the phone. But he didn’t have the right to do that. He just didn’t.

- Paige, let me just talk, okay. I am sorry for what I did. I was an asshole, I mean, cheating is not right. I know you probably hate me, but I hope you could finally forgive me, it’s been a long time, and things happen, you know. People do mistakes. I hope we would get back together, he gave me a speech, and I almost fell for his words… nope.

- I could finally forgive you? It’s been a fucking month, Winston. Girls don’t forgive cheating that easily, bro, I said, trying hard not to break down.

- I love you, he said.

No. He was lying.

- You have no fucking clue, how much you hurted me, I said with a deep voice, crying but not letting him hear it.

- I do, but life goes on, can you just forgive me, Pay?

- Don’t call me Pay, Winston, I said. He had called me Pay as long as I remember. And I couldn’t take hearing it nowadays.

- Don’t call me Winston then, Paige Marilla Cornwell, Winston said, sounding super annoyed.

- You can’t be serious, I said.

- You can’t be either, he said. That’s it, he was getting on that asshole-mood again.

- YOU FUCKING BROKE MY HEART, I screamed.

I was so done. I broke down and just cried.

- You know what? I don’t even care since you’re acting like a fucking little bitch, he said.  He didn’t hang up and I didn’t either. He was staying there, hearing me cry once again. I didn’t deserve this.

He had broke me into a million pieces, again. And he enjoyed it. He wanted to hurt me, he was so angry I left and stopped being his slave. I hung up and looked at his name in my phone’s address book, slowly pressing delete. There was no way I was ever, ever gonna talk to him again.

Suddenly I heard a ping on my window. I wiped the tears off of my cheeks and went to look out. I saw someone standing on the street and quickly took a look at the clock.

8:10 pm. It was Wesley.

Fuck it. I was going down.

I had never used the ladders under my window, so I was terrified. I opened up the window and Wesley cheered.

- Catch me if I fall, I said.

- Always, he smiled after just a good amount of time to make me realize what he ment.

I slowly climbed down the stairs and when I got to the second one, Wesley took a strong hold on my waist and gently picked me down. For a minute I wanted to stay there. His arms felt so strong and safe around me, after all those times I had wasted on Winston’s arms.

- Let’s go, he whispered and let me stand on my own feet.

As we walked down the street and saw the sunset that brought more light to our faces, he saw my teary eyes.

- Wait.. have you cried? He said.

I didn’t say anything. It was obvious.

- What’s wrong? He asked with a soft voice and hugged me, but I shook myself free and tried to swallow the tears, but there was too many of them. I couldn’t hold back.

I sat down, in the middle of the street and covered my face. I was waiting for him to come and try to hug me again and convince me that everything was gonna be alright. Keep asking me about what was wrong, because “he would understand.” When he wasn’t. And nothing was alright.

But he didn’t do that.

Instead of doing all that shit I had got used to, he just sat next to me, just close enough so I could feel his warmth, but far enough so I didn’t get distressed.

And he just sat there next to me. He didn’t just sit there and watch me cry… he was LETTING me cry, he was silently supporting me as I let all the pain out. He was giving me the right to be upset, be broken. He was the first one to  do that.

And after a while, when I bit by bit calmed myself down, I moved an inch closer to him and he held me. I threw my feet over his feet and he picked me up, carrying me across the road. And the cars were honking, but he didn’t care.

I didn’t open my eyes until I felt him put me down. We were on a deck of a boat.

- Whose is this boat? I asked.

- My dad’s, Wesley answered.

- Wanna take a drive? He smirked and I gave him an agreeing smirk back. He climbed over the windshield and got the motor started.

I wasn’t scared to sit on the deck as we speeded to the sunset. I felt the wind in my hair, in my shirt, in my soul. I felt freedom. I threw my hands up in the air and took a deep breathe. Behind me I heard Wesley laughing.

- You have no idea how angelic you look right now, he shouted over the noise. I wasn’t sure if I felt that one but I smiled and didn’t tell him to stop. Like I had every time before.

We stopped near to a little piece of land and Wes threw the anchor to the bottom of the ocean before he came and sat behind me. I leaned my head on his shoulder and felt him breathe in my hair.

- I cried because I am broken, I said after we had spent a while in silence.

- It was some dude, right? he asked carefully.

- Winston, I whispered.

- Winston. Oh my holy bananas, that’s like the jerkest name ever, Wesley laughed and so did I.

- “Jerkest.” Is that even a word, I noted.

- I have no idea. But I hope it is so I can get you realise that whoever treats you wrong, is the JERKEST guy in the whole world, he said. I didn’t say anything.

- Paige, I’m still sorry for how I acted last week. You can ask anyone who knows me, that’s not how I normally act. I usually don’t drink that much at all, especially if I’m hanging out with a girl. My momma raised me well, trust me, Wesley said with some humor in his voice.

- I trust you, I said.

Inside my head there was a voice saying I wasn’t ready for this, a voice that told me to run away. But I this time, I didn’t listen. Because my heart was right here, in this moment, and right now I had no care in the world.

- You do? he said. He was a little surprised.

- I do.

- You really do? he said again.

- I do, Wesley, I convinced.

- You really, really, really do…? he said very slowly, and just when I was about to answer, he made a quick move, picked me up and jumped to the water with me.

I sinked deep to the ocean and the cool water felt so relaxing in my bones. Wesley reached his hand and I took it as he pulled me up. He moved his hands to my waist and pulled me close to him.  I didn’t need to hold myself to stay on the surface because he held me so strong. I wrapped my legs around his hips and just as the sun set down behind the horizont, he looked me right into my eyes and gave me a gentle kiss.

I didn’t know why, but I knew, that I had found someone to hold on to.

Something inside me knew.