myaortaisred

[myaortaisred]

sigh

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je vais boop votre nez

me, a flirtatious vixen 

[myaortaisred]

“And now I wonder, could you fall for a woman like me”

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Somewhere in the same hotel

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You can't run away from your problems, if the problem is you

my mother

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“The goosebumps start to raise The minute that my left hand meets your waist And then I watch your face Put my finger on your tongue 'Cause you love the taste yeah”

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Wouldn't mind if I do

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Feels like I'm drowning

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So my father has this dream of living until he's 104. His reasoning? He wants to outlive us, his children, so as not to be a burden on his family.

[myaortaisred]

Shhhh

[myaortaisred]

"How's life been treating you?"

I applied one too many coats of mascara and now my lashes look like spider legs, but mascara is too expensive to cry off, so now I have to make eye contact with people who won't stop staring at my arachnid-limbed lashes.

[myaortaisred]

You can't keep kissing strangers, pretending it's him.

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“But love will always be a game”

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“You’re not the girl I fell in love with”

Lucky for you, you don’t have to fall in love with me again.

[myaortaisred]

Momtalk

So my mother was driving with her friend, and they were talking about things on their bucket list. So my mother's friend gives her this look and says that she still wants to feel that vibration between her thighs (keep in mind that this lady comes from a family where she wasn't allowed to ride a bicycle, because it was considered unholy) My mother, in a moment of shock horror, slams the breaks and almost rolls the car, because she definitely didn't expect her ultra conservative friend to be talking about such recreational toys.

It was a cello. My mother's friend was talking about playing the cello.

[myaortaisred]

One of us is in the wrong place

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ATTENTION ALL CAT OWNERS

I apply coconut oil to my lips each night and right before I fall asleep, my cat comes and licks it off. Is this normal? If not, what should I do? It's weird and it makes me have strange dreams.

Thanks is advance.