mybigdysfunctionalfamily - Tumblr blog

[mybigdysfunctionalfamily]

I decided to start this blog because I’m dealing with a lot of emotional baggage from trauma in my life that won’t go away, and I’m approaching 50. I’m going to therapy, but I think it is bullshit.

I think the best way to deal with it is for me to write because I feel like I’ve never been heard, never been understood in my life. And I guess the best place to start is at the beginning.

I grew up in America’s Heartland, the Midwest, in a capital city. My mother was not a good mother at all. She was neglectful and abusive. She actively seemed to sabotage me at times. Not only that, she seemed to take pleasure in seeing me in pain.

I was the scapegoat in my immediate family, in my mother’s extended family, and when I got married, the trend continued with my in-laws. It wasn’t until I divorced and got away that I saw the patterns to their behaviors and could see & understand the extent of their abuse. When I was in the thick of the abuse, all I wanted to do was to please them & make them proud of me.

In truth, I’m now a social pariah with little to no accomplishments compared to the talent and intellectual potential I had as a young person. I feel like I never had the support structure so many have that enables them to succeed. I had full tuition scholarships to 3 universities and have somehow managed to fall completely on my face. How did this happen?

Well, it started with my birth, which I’ll write about next post.