myna

[myna]

CW: depression, suicide

In 2020 I tried to kill myself.

My dog was dying, I was unemployed, depressed, aimless, and altogether I thought it would be better if I just stopped it all there.

Thankfully I was not even close to successful and I started therapy. My antidepressants really started working after that. The game changer of it all? My therapist told me that one day I could just wake up and not be depressed anymore. Of course she added the caveat that the goal of therapy was improvement not eradication. Still, I couldn’t believe it! That meant there was hope and hope is what got me better.

I started working, got into a good routine, got stable. Even when my other dog passed I stayed stable. I didn’t attempt anything. I applied to law school and got rejected and waitlisted at every school I applied to. I stayed stable.

Eventually my suicidal imagery reduced to 0. What used to be me imagining my own gruesome suicide 10 times per day went to 0. It was so normal for me to see my own death that it was like breathing. Except when I miss my Zoloft for more than a day, my new normal is 0.

I still had some ups and downs. Of course, I cried and yelled and self isolated. But I also had these brilliant moments of recognizing myself getting overwhelmed and calmly removing myself from that stimulus. I saw myself change in a way I hadn’t ever experienced.

When you have depression, parts of you peek through like sunlight through the leaves. People see all the darkness with little specks of light on the forest floor and think that’s how you are. But treated, I am the sun. I am 100% myself and people can see it. I can see it.

Since then I’ve traveled solo for 2.5 weeks in Japan, I’ve met up with friends way more often, I’ve played games and done art, I got into my dream grad program with a scholarship, I’ve lived such a full and happy life.

I’m happy.

In just 3 years I went from my lowest low to my highest high. And the thing is, I’m happy not just today but as a baseline. Like even on my bad days I’m still happy!

I’m happy! I’m happy! I’m happy!

I am certain my case isn’t the most usual. Lots of people struggle for far longer and with much worse. I am profoundly fortunate to have friends and family who support me unconditionally. But this is just to tell you there’s a way for it to be over.

If you’re looking at the forest floor, seeing all the dark, just remember, seasons change. You’re still the sun.

[myna]

Hattori Heiji outfit compilation A

[Detailed version]

[myna]

This is THE cutest

Drew the babies! (Childhood besties Shinichi and Heiji)

[myna]

I went to Japan’s Conantown (also known as Hokuei, Aoyama-sensei’s hometown) and I just wanted to share what an experience it was.

First off, to get there from Osaka I had to take a several hours long train ride, landing eventually in a station where they didn’t accept my Suica, that’s how rural this place was. I think all this made it feel even more incredible though, since I was traveling by myself. It almost felt like a pilgrimage LOL.

As I landed in the actual town, there was a ton of Conan art and statues to signify that you got to the right place. The town itself was small and peaceful, sort of a farming town outside of the Conan related traffic. I walked the street down to the museum, and if you’re under the impression this is like an amusement park you will be disappointed for sure. It’s actually a town. While there are statues and a couple shops, the only real “attraction” is the museum. I went on an off day so I couldn’t go to the cafe, but I did get a really nice gelato.

I know this sounds like negatives but I think of it definitely as positives. It really felt like there was so much heart to it. Like a whole community came together to celebrate a resident who made an impact on them. It didn’t feel manufactured or high budget, it felt like a family. It honestly made me a little emotional apart from the screaming fan in me.

If you get a chance, I really highly recommend visiting. It’s worth the day-trip, and it was the highlight of my vacation.

[myna]

UPDATE THERES A NEW DRESSING SERIES!!!! they’re SO CUTE!

I feel like smiskis need a fanbase, so I’m gonna pitch it to you:

These little glow in the dark guys live around you doing their regular ass things. Some of them make presentations, some of them play the flute, some of them take dumps. They kinda remind me of Tontu’s species from Hilda.

Not only that but there currently exists no fanbase so all the lore is ours for the creating. Rubber ducky smiski is dating megaphone smiski but hasn’t told their ex, thumbs up smiski??? We can give them names, elaborate backstories, trauma, you name it!

These lil guys also glow really hard. Like they glow like shit that in 10 years we’ll find out causes cancer. They’re so cute and they come in blind boxes and they’re my new favorite hyperfixation. I like hiding them around my room and pretending to be surprised.

Anyway if u like weird little naked enbies that sometimes watch u poop, pls consider joining our humble fandom (it’s just me). I also tagged this with a bunch of fandoms I’m a part of so this only will go to people with ~taste~

With a monthly donation of 1 reblog you too can help these naked little guys find loving homes. *sad ASPCA music*

[myna]

Like sugar, honey, and every cup of herbal tea 🍯🍵🌿

[myna]

I feel like smiskis need a fanbase, so I’m gonna pitch it to you:

These little glow in the dark guys live around you doing their regular ass things. Some of them make presentations, some of them play the flute, some of them take dumps. They kinda remind me of Tontu’s species from Hilda.

Not only that but there currently exists no fanbase so all the lore is ours for the creating. Rubber ducky smiski is dating megaphone smiski but hasn’t told their ex, thumbs up smiski??? We can give them names, elaborate backstories, trauma, you name it!

These lil guys also glow really hard. Like they glow like shit that in 10 years we’ll find out causes cancer. They’re so cute and they come in blind boxes and they’re my new favorite hyperfixation. I like hiding them around my room and pretending to be surprised.

Anyway if u like weird little naked enbies that sometimes watch u poop, pls consider joining our humble fandom (it’s just me). I also tagged this with a bunch of fandoms I’m a part of so this only will go to people with ~taste~

With a monthly donation of 1 reblog you too can help these naked little guys find loving homes. *sad ASPCA music*

[myna]

I hope everyone is having a fucking day

[myna]

So I was rewatching the second season of MHA specifically when their picking their hero names and it just dawned me that at one point Deku wanted to be known as All Might Jr.

And that got me thinking

TODOROKI WOULD FLIP HIS SHIT IF HE KNEW THIS

[myna]

Aizawa and shinsou ! (That’s todoroki in the corner... it’s cropped but he’s saying “Aizawa’s secret love child??”)

[myna]

I have zero context for these sketches but I love them

[myna]

RIGHT TO LEFT

16-08- Murphy’s Law- Anything that can go wrong, WILL go wrong

Doing this one today because it’s @mintchocolateleaves’s bday and I wanna give her some Shinran stuff (idk it seemed like the perfect gift) happy bday u mad lad

[myna]

[myna]

⁠— Isn’t it a hero’s job to save people? 

dedicated to emery @krshima ✩

[myna]

These are my doggos as people!!!

If you have any pets, draw them personified!

[myna]

Bitch the pot, sis

[myna]

BNHA OC Idea

The characters quirk is literally just like

Therapy

Because everyone in this freaking show needs therapy