myowntorture-blog

[myowntorture-blog]

You will be the death of me.

You think you’re miss perfect. That you’re without any flaws. How could you ever do any wrong? You’re everybody’s role model. You’re the chosen child. Why can’t everyone be like you?

But did you know that there’s one thing about you that makes you a monster in my eyes?

You will be the death of me.

You don’t get it. And it doesn’t matter how many times I tell you. Because you’ll just do it again. And, honestly, I really don’t know how much more I can take. But when I reach my breaking point, when I finally snap, when I’ve completely lost all control of myself… it’ll be because of you.

[myowntorture-blog]

What Scares Me The Most

My anxiety and depression aren't the things that scare me. What scares me the most is me, my own mind and body. I don't trust myself. I'm scared to have another anxiety attack because I don't trust that I won't do anything that I'll regret. I fall too deep to the point of no longer feeling. I don't feel anything. And that scares me. So much. It's like I no longer have a connection to who I am. Like I've been casted out of my own mind and body. And then I think things. And I so badly want to do things. Things that'll hurt me the way I want it to, but will also hurt my family. I must still have a thread of control, of influence, of consciousness, because somehow I can hold back. I haven't taken it that far yet, but I don't know how long it'll last. I just- I just want it to stop. Once and for all. And I don't know if I really care anymore about how I can make it end. As long as it goes away and I don't have to fear myself anymore.

[myowntorture-blog]

How do I fix it? How do I make it stop?

[myowntorture-blog]

[myowntorture-blog]

My Worst Enemy Is Myself

“I hate myself” “No, don’t” “I can’t… I just can’t stand the thought of me. I’m never going to be pretty, I try with makeup but who am I kidding? I’m too big, I need to stop eating… I have no purpose. I’m a failure. I’m worthless. I’m useless. They don’t need me. I’m just a burden for them. Everything would be better if I wasn’t here…” “No, don’t think that. It can’t be true.” “…How can I do this and be sure it works? OD… But I think you can be saved from that… There’s a bridge near my house… I just want to stand on it…” “Stop. Just stop. Please just stop already.” “My wrists… they itch. I want to cut it out. I need to get it out. It’s there… in my wrists… I can feel it. There’s a razor in my drawer over there… just one time, I promise. I just need to do this once, please. I need to get it out” “No you can’t do that… They’ll see” “How do I make it stop?”

My worst enemy is myself

[myowntorture-blog]

Self Destruct

How is it possible that just one person can so easily get you down? Simply by the words they throw at you. So much negativity flowing from one person to another, and somehow it affects you so deeply. Stop hurting me. I want to self destruct.

[myowntorture-blog]

[myowntorture-blog]

This Is My Cry For Help

I needed an outlet. Someone to talk to? Someone to listen... I don’t know if this is a good idea, but I guess trying doesn’t hurt? The internet seems like such a great place to go to when you need to talk to someone, when you need help, when you’re scared or lonely... when you just don’t know what to do anymore. This could also be a big mistake when there are so many people who abuse the power of the internet. But... it hurts... There’s such a heavy weight on me, I feel like I just can’t hold it anymore. Is there anyone listening? This is my cry for help.