neapolitan-reviews-blog

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Jane the Virgin

I’m about 3 hours away from finishing my Jane the Virgin binge, aka I’ve done absolutely nothing for days but fill my life with this tv drama/ American telenovela. Short review: holy fuck. 

Summary

Jane is a virgin. A pregnant virgin, but that’s only where it begins. The main characters discover family secrets, work to uncover the drug lord Sin Rostro, while figuring out what to do with the baby, and exit a complicated love triangle. 

Colour me impressed. I’ve been putting off this series for years now because I wasn’t that interested in a series about a virgin woman. How captivating could that be? turns out, very fucking captivating.

I dont even like dramas. I love romance! But I dislike the focus being on romance. To my complete surprise, Jane the Virgin has so many subplots going on outside of the romance, and a narration so well done that it kept me hooked. Heck, I didn’t even go to the washroom without watching it on my laptop (dont @ me if you text and shit at the same time)

There are tons of telenovela tropes, and yet none of them felt boring or repetitive. Maybe it was the helping hand of the narrator, who had a critical voice of his own. Regardless, each twist had me at the edge of my seat and impatiently clicking on the next episode like an animal instead of collecting myself during the 12 second autoplay on Netflix. 

+ the helpful narrator reminds the audience of character names, relation to others, and importance to the plot during the first season. I could kiss the writers for this alone, it saved my poor forgetful self.

The most outstanding qualities of this drama were; the open and honest communication between characters (god bless); The diverse family dynamics; The effort the characters put into their relationships; The heartache. There is one character in particular who dies in this series which I haven’t recovered from. I’m still hurting alongside the characters and waiting for my mom to catch up (she’s on season 2 rip) because hnnghhh im suffering alone

For all of my fellow lgb folk looking for some rep, you’ll be happy to know there’s actually quite a few characters in this series who are lesbian and gay (and 2 confirmed bi characters in season 4). A few of these characters are very involved with the plot, while others are background characters, and all are comfortable with their sexuality. No coming out story, no tragedy. As of now, and from what I can recall, there is no case of “kill your gays” either. 

Overall, this series is incredible! I’m sad to be finishing it soon, and will be smacked again with agony when the series finishes in 2019. Of course, it’s not a perfect show, but it’s pretty damn perfect to binge-watch over a couple of days and I totally recommend it to any of you looking to get hooked on something

Bonus:

#notmypresident (yes, this is a literal scene from Jane the Virgin)

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Yeehaw, I’m Gay Motherfucker

Summary:

Two Paladins become two rough and tumble mercenaries, donning their leather coats and gun holsters, righting wrongs (while committing a few heists of their own), and fighting to get off this bleak, crime-filled planet. (x)

I cannot tell you how much I looked forward to this fic, Troubles Making Everything Alright by Mytay on ao3. If someone offered me an all-expenses-paid vacation and the terms being not starting this fic, I would’ve declined the offer. I was so excited, okay? So, that’s where my downfall began. The puppy excitement followed by the crushing disappointment for this fic is what really solidified my belief of being cursed. Not breaking two mirrors on Valentines day, no, just my withering hope after reading this. 

What’s wild to me is why I got so excited. I dont even like the mid-west!

Anyways, let’s dive into the critics, shall we?

Pros:

Despite being set on one planet, it’s not set in one place. The writer builds the world from caves to mountains, bedrooms to dirty alleyways, and everything in between. 

The descriptions were bang on, and made it easy to envision characters and places

The concept? I love? Cowboy Lance and Keith trying to get back to their Space fam while falling in love? *kisses fingers like an Italian chef*

Just. How the chapters were set up. Falling into flashbacks; not just a scene, but rather dedicating an entire chapter to flesh out a significant part of their journey. It was absolutely brilliant.

Cons:

The character development was either meh or unsettling. 

The morality was sticky. It always is when it comes to kill-or-be-killed situations, but I felt like it kept climbing up a massive pile of shit, and I couldn’t fool myself into believing things were going to get better. 

The action scenes were also meh. Which normally wouldn’t bother me, but being set in cowboy world with tons of action... :/ 

The relationship between Lance and Keith was mostly sexual (yet, ironically, not really smut. There aren’t any explicit scenes from what I can recall). There wasn’t really room for a romantic connection. There were some comfort scenes, but even then, I can only recall two of those

I really disliked that Keith was set up to be this cold creature, and only warm for Lance. While it was touching that Keith wanted to protect Lance’s innocence and keep him from killing, it was disturbing all the same. Moreso when they become completely unaffected by their actions together. 

One thing that pissed me off was the implication that sex work is worse on the conscience than committing murder and torturing others. 

Spoilers under the cut

The point of no return for me, aka, when I stopped reading this fic, was when they had their ticket off the planet. Lance and Keith where in a kill or be killed situation for nearly a year. They needed to gain respect in order to get money, which they needed large sums of to pay their way off this god awful planet. So their behaviours and personalities changed accordingly. They did awful things to get away, and yet, they aren’t willing to leave when the opportunity presents itself. 

According to other inhabitants of the planet, if the two of them left, the massive feud they caused would simmer. Lance and Keith claim they wanted to put things back in order, make things ultimately less shitty that it was currently because of them, and yet they still kill. They are angry at their friends, and blinded by the heinous things they’ve needed to do to survive to see how to resolve it. 

I never finished this fic because from where I left off, it didn’t seem like it would ever been resolved. As I said, they kept climbing up that pile of shit, and it was overwhelming to read. Uncomfortable to see them become so ruthless and seemingly no hope of finding peace in that world, nor with themselves. 

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Catch me pining after anti-heroes always

I had so much hope for Of Lions and House Cats by Ms__Towa on ao3. So much. I read 11 chapters, and momentarily aligned my sleeping patterns with an elephant; 4 hours of scattered napping throughout the day. 

But alas, it was.. disapointing. 

Summary:

The Voltron Alliance consists of heros with superhuman abilities. With the need to uphold the image of peace, all they can do is protect the innocent, which allows the Galra to slip in and dominate the city and criminal underworld. If they wont bring justice, then the rebels will. 

There was a lot I liked about this fic! The concept of anti-hero Lance had me frothing at the mouth, and the underground operations knocked me off my damn feet. Human Lance sporting two incredibly badass guns absolutely wrecked me. While Lance prayed for God’s forgiveness, I prayed for God to take me now. It’s mysterious, and the writer made it easy for the readers to sympathize with Lance!

Unfortunately, there was a lot more I disliked, which is why I slept all toasty warm on a chilly morning. The anger in my heart works better than a heater. 

Spoilers under cut

Lance’s feelings are inconsistent and unclear throughout the fic. Considering a good portion of it is written from his pov, Lance’s feelings should’ve been easy to understand. And yet! Some scenes I was convinced he hated Keith! The only real indications of his romantic feelings towards Keith were when he was pushing him away out of fear. And because of this lack of clarity, it made my next point so much worse. 

Keith was jealous. Ugly jealous, and kinda possessive. Though I understand Lance’s feelings were wavering and uncertain, Keith was unhealthily persistent. When Keith decided to go from superhero to anti-hero, it was transparent that he was mostly doing it for and because of Lance. To be with and protect Lance. Which sure, sounds cute, but Lance did not want him in on the operation. Lance didn’t want Keith as a partner romantically, and much less a partner in crime. Yet, when Lance pulled away, Keith latched on, sometimes physically. Keith also resembles my cat; and absolute angel towards people he likes, but a pissy little baby ready to throw fists at anyone else, especially if they threaten his time with said liked people. 

To top off this unsettling romance, Pidge voices her discomfort with their “sexual tension” (which as a reader, I didn’t feel at all. It was more like Keith hanging onto Lance like a leech). Actually, scratch discomfort, she was visibly disgusted. It honestly felt kinda homophobic, especially since there wasn’t even pda involved. She was simply disgusted with the possibility of something more being between them. But to bandaid that gushing wound, she tried to set them up to work out their sexual frustration. All in all, Pidge’s involvement was uncomfortable to the point where I dreaded reading about her. 

Final Thoughts

Overall, the romantic aspects were incredibly lacking, and if it wasn’t the main focus, I could probably overlook it, because everything else was incredible.

I wouldn’t say avoid this fic at all costs, but just understand going into it that the romance is unhealthy. Not that all relationships in media should be healthy, but there should be acknowledgment of it being bad when it is. It’s trying to pass as an angsty romance, and it’s scary that others will look at this and think nothing odd of it. 

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Age of Youth/ Hello, My Twenties! is so good i cant stop thinking about it holy shit

I’ve seen everyone reblog this

but not many ppl have watched the show so!!!! im here to tell you about it

the show starts off with 5 housemates (a millennial reality) and like everything is pretty normal, the shy new roommate is getting a warm welcome party @ the end of the first episode

Then the eccentric girl says there’s a fuckin ghost in the apartment

AND THIS NEW SHY GIRL

narrates and says she fucking KILLED SOMEONE

Throughout the first season, there are little sprinkles and hints towards who the fuck she murdered and /why/, but the plot isn’t about that actually

it’s just, these unique individuals living their lives, and their subplots mesh well together. You have;

The shy new girl starting uni

Outgoing cutesy girl with an eating disorder and a horrid shit as a boyfriend

Serious-type working poor girl who doesnt even have time to take a shit

Eccentric pathological liar who cant seem to get a boyfriend or remember her childhood

Gorgeous sugar baby who makes life her bitch and lives to enjoy it

introduced in season 2, a girl with one friend, a complicated home life, and totally could’ve been a butch lesbian but this show is sadly hetero

Because of the unique personalities and subplots, they have room to address real issues! Things like poverty, moral dilemmas, and coping with abuse, which is why I like it so much.

The main characters grow together, they support each other so much, and do their best to help each other overcome the shit life throws at them

So along with the “congrats on your breakup” celebration, it’s just a really wholesome kdrama ya’ll (& available on Netflix!)

Cons:

there is a visibly autistic character in season 2 whose romantic partner is… horrible to him? Like she’s constantly trying to change him, impatient and frustrated with him & even after reflecting on her behavior and their relationship, she’s still not the greatest to him

i’m still waiting for them to address the (intentional) homophobia in season 2… where is their personal resolve and acceptance like they’ve done with other issues hmm?????

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All to love about One Day at a Time

I only ever see people talking about the lgbt rep in this show, which is great!! But there is so much to love about odaat, such as:

The main character, Penelope, is a single mom with ptsd and depression

The family in focus is a Cuban-American family

Real discussions about issues such as immigration & deportation, racism (and white privilege), sexism, addiction, and missing the life you’ve left behind

Self love, and overcoming the stigma around mental health

It’s a sitcom and the comedy is pure fucking gold

“What the hell is a Latinx? Is that a Cuban Kleenex?”

Family love and support (im crying it’s so beautiful)

PENELOPE IS MIDDLE-AGED AND GOES BACK TO SCHOOL!!

Christian household that respects others for their lack of/ different beliefs

Casual uses of Spanish words, especially words of endearment

Rich White Cishet Guy Thinks He’s Being Oppressed When He Isn’t

The passionate and undying love between Lydia and her husband

Alex starts learning Yiddish to connect with his abuelita’s friend & mother’s boss, Dr. Leslie Berkowitz

Lydia’s entire character

literally she makes an appearance by dramatically separating curtains

im may be biased she is my bloodline and reason to live

Anyways  this list is hugely incomplete. i’ve watched this show 3 times already, you’ll love it

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Reasons to love Ever After

Not a magical tale

Emphasis on abuse, and the sweet, sweet revenge after it

Leonardo DaVinci walks on water

Cinderella/ Danielle is a tom boy

She has a gay coded best friend

She isn’t rescued by anyone, she saves herself

Royal guard: “Prince Henry suffers from an arranged marriage, among other things”

Prince Henry, internally: bitch tf did you just say?

Prince Henry: Wow, what a beautiful brooch you have there 

Evil Stepsister, touching her tits: Why, this old thing?

Not-so-evil stepsister: *shoves giant feather in her cleavage for the same attention*

Danielle straight up slashes a pedo’s face with a daggar

“…what else is to be concluded, sire, but that you first make thieves and then punish them?“

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Why you should watch Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior

Brenda Song (aka, London Tipton) is the main character (named Wendy)

shaolin monk Shen (second main character) drops the bomb that he’s gotta die in battle, so Wendy adopts a yolo attitude for him.

actual factual stuff about Chinese culture & history (ya know, aside from the evil spirit, and the whole inherently knowing everything about chinese history which can only be Unlocked through meditation thing)

You get to see the family reconnect to their culture

Exaggerated stunts and flying parkour (watch literally any Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon fight scene for reference)

and a hetero romance that wont cause snakes to physically manifest in your home from disdain

As for the actual plot, Wendy Wu is a warrior destined to fight the evil that is Yan-lo, but she’s more concerned about winning the title of homecoming Queen. Shen, a buddhist monk, is trained to protect her. The two have difficulties finding common ground at first, but eventually bond by introducing each other to their separate ways of life.

Bonus:

kamehameha!

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Hook (1991)

I had no recollection of Hook and boy?? i didnt want to

Peter wants to smash his granny (i wish i was referring to murder via hammer)

Suicidal Captain Hook

Peter’s mom was planning his Adult Future so he ran away (mood)

Tinkerbell, an adult, has been in love with Peter Pan since he was an infant. She enlarges herself in hopes of mating.

The family line of Peter Pan has amnesia for some reason???

Bonus:

Peter Pan: the real fruit ninja

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Tale of Tales was literally the WORST movie i have EVER seen in my entire damn life

i cant believe it actually was made? created? funded? who approved of this? who genuinely looked at any part of this movie and said “yeah, this is good” what the absolute fuck

SO LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT SOME OF THE BS THAT WENT DOWN IN THESE 2 1/WHATEVER HOURS

queen RAGES after seeing some pregnant jester

mysterious tall man tells her birth comes from death. kill the sea creature

sea creature dies but so does the king

some WEIRD ASS ritual occurs and the virgin fucking Mary gives birth to the Queen’s second son

SECOND STORY (because there were 3 different fucking subplots jkdksjzhfd) a rando king’s daughter jamming out on some instrument to appease him

king is more interested in the flee on his hand

Flee grows to the size of a fucking small hippo! BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

daughter is soooooo thirsty for foreign dick

THIRD STORY another king, youngest of them all, is dissatisfied with his hoe life

hears a woman sing and is overcome with lust

woman is a 90 year old lady but the king doesnt know that!

OLD LADY BOILS HER FUCKING

SHE BOILS HER FINGER

THEN THE KING SUCKS AND SLURPS ON HER SISTER’S (also in her 90′s) FINGER AND SHE LEGIT  

IS ABOUT TO CUM

Back to the first story, years have passed (17 to be exact) and the prince loves chilling with his sorta bro and the queen is Not Happy

prince’s sorta bro (they are literally fucking identical) is kicked out of the kingdom

“but bro, why are you leaving”

“cant tell you bro, but look at this fucking water” *stabs tree* *water flows out tree* “If it stays clear, im good bro. If it’s muddy, im dying”

Second story, thirsty girl wants to be married!!! and sucking dick already!!!

giant flee thing DIES and the king makes it into i dont know what they’re fucking called, those fur skins you hang on wall minus the fur

ANYWAYS he says “guess what animal this is from and you can take my daughter”

A GOD DAMN OGRE! AN OGRE!!! CLAIMS HER AS HIS WIFE BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT FLEES SMELL LIKE

HORRIBLE THINGS DONE TO HER

a family of performers save her ass and get mother fucking SLAIN by the ogre (rip only good characters)

she kills the ogre

Third story, old lady GLUES the folds in her back to make her skin more “smooth” and hops on the kings dick in darkness (pulling some Myrrh shit here)

king sees her face and is having NONE OF IT AND THROWS HER OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW

she doesn’t die, and a magic lady consoles her with her tit (she literally fucking rips a part of her shirt and shoves her tit in the old lady’s face akshzkjdfhskd this is also some Myrrh shit)

OLD LADY BECOMES YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL, I DONT KNOW WHAT KIND OF TITTY MILK

king is all “hhhnngggg” and marries her

Her fucking sister

pays someone to

CUT HER SKIN OFF

IN HOPES OF LOOKING YOUNGER LIKE HER SISTER (now the Queen)

I JUST

WHY

back to the first story (im not going in complete order but believe me this movie is too, also, all over the fucking place)

Bro saves the other bro from a GIANT ASS BAT, WHO WHEN DECOMPOSING, BECOMES THE QUEEN?? WHO IS NOW DEAD I GUESS?? I DONT UNDERSTAND

anyways this is all i could handle, the movie wasn’t even done but I sure as hell was.

This movie is based on 3 Giambattista Basile tales (the same dude who did Cinderella and Rapunzel. NOT the Grimm’s brothers), but truly, what the fuck?