necromancy-101

[necromancy-101]

Zombie unions suck because they don't seem to understand that they are replaceable. The solution? Remind them that the undead are not immortal.

[necromancy-101]

NECROMANCER TIP: They will run out of swords before you run out of flesh.

Everyone who plays around with Tarot cards long enough winds up with a “bad” card that they love. I just barely persuaded my husband not to get the Ten of Swords tattooed on his body; traditionally, it shows a corpse with ten swords stuck in their body and means “utter ruin,” but he thought that if it took ten swords to kill you, then you must have put up a pretty good fight.

honestly this is the most badass ten of swords interpretation i've ever heard.  i'm stealing this

[necromancy-101]

Dead people don’t use their bodies anymore- thus, finders keepers.

look all i'm saying is if you've ever seen someone be healed with magic, congratulations! you've witnessed a practitioner of necromancy. it's the exact same thing. all you're doing at a fundamental level is using magic to accelerate existing biological processes and animate tissue, the only difference is when you do it to dead tissue instead of living tissue, suddenly it's evil scary ~dark magic~ instead of good wholesome healing. it's purely cultural bias.

so no i don't think it's fair to say i "lied on my application" since i'm just as qualified as anyone to heal your party, but hey if you want to be a fucking narc and report me to the wizard council go right ahead. good luck finding an accredited healer at the wages you're offering by the way

[necromancy-101]

I don’t know what you mean- that’s all that’s attractive about vampires.

"vampire fans" when the vampire is an evil parasite that hurts people and feeds on the living and not a pale twink who's horny for the main girl

[necromancy-101]

Call it a hunch, you might’ve stumbled across some uranium.

I think it's one of those normal non-corrupted amulets and I'm glowing green for unrelated reasons

[necromancy-101]

Apprentices are an enticing prospect- that is, until you actually have to teach them.

By all-mer teach your apprentices better

[necromancy-101]

Lmao imagine needing an amulet of eternal darkness to lose all your friends

can we all agree that it's pathetic when so-called "friends" try to sabotage your opportunities? you're clearly jealous that the amulet of eternal darkness chose me and no amount of "please fight it, i know you're still in there somewhere" is going to change that. crab bucket mentality. grow up.

[necromancy-101]

I wear a wizard hat sometimes. It lets me hide my bone spiders. :)

Real observations since I started wearing a wizard hat daily:

- Brim is so wide that I stay BONE DRY taking walks in the rain

- Brim can be positioned to block the sun from ever getting in my eyes AND keeping it off the back of my neck

- The pointed top part creates an air pocket, keeping my head from getting hot or squishing my hair as it might in a ball cap

- Hat can easily be pulled down over the tips of my ears without looking dumb, protecting them from wind chill

- Strangers say they like my hat, giving me the chance to tell them that I am a wizard

- When you’re wearing a wizard hat, ALL OTHER FASHION CHOICES become secondary, allowing you to branch out with style

Embrace ego death. Stay protected from all elements. Wear a wizard hat.

[necromancy-101]

Even the trees are dead from the life being sucked out of them to fuel their magic!

[necromancy-101]

Funnily enough, all of the problems listed can be solved by necromancy. Your own spell backfires and kills you? You have a clone backup for your soul to inhabit! An undead servant breaks free from your control? Easy! Summon another and have them battle like Pokémon! You get cursed? Send hordes of zombies to their doorstep until they undo it! (Or just transfer to your next available clone)

I guess what I’m saying is that I agree, and all branches of magic should take notes.

 💫 Why Protection Magic Is Useful (even if you have no enemies)

A lot of witches will tell new witches (baby witches) that they should start by learning and using protection magic. However, I've started to see a lot of witches say that protection magic is not as important as other witches claim it to be. Saying that they don't have anyone coming after them or an enemy in real life to warrant a spell of protection.

I think this may also be due to how I've not personally come across anyone really explaining why a witch may want to use protection magic all the time.

Now, it is true that there's no need to be paranoid all the time and have protection up 24/7. But here's a list where you may use it, find it useful, or haven't thought protection magic could be included.

An actual person -- This one is obvious, you have an enemy in real life or on the internet and you need protection magic to protect you from their curses.

A malevolant spirit -- They can come from your windows, mirrors (including tv screens, computer screens, and other reflective surfaces maybe), they seep through floor cracks, hanging onto your coats from outside, etc. Just like how you'd use garden gloves to avoid dirt up your nails being trapped there. Protection magic is just like putting on those gloves.

An energy -- Say you have a neighbour who's arguing with someone. They're yelling and screaming and it can be heard through the apartment walls. That negative energy is seeping into your home and your energy. So it may be worth protecting your home and energy from that sour neighbour's energy. (ever been scolded by your mother and your mood is sour? it's kind of like the same here.)

Your own spell -- Now a self-love spell is probably not something you should protect yourself from. But let's say you're doing a curse. It would be a smart idea to make sure you're protected before beginning such a spell. Much like how you'd wear an apron to protect your clothes from stains when cooking food. You may not always spill your food when cooking, but damn it is it annoying when you do and the stain won't wash off. It's the same with a spell.

Unintentionally -- Sometimes things can happen that's out of our control and it's a good idea to be a little prepared. A black cat suddenly running across the street? Bad luck. Someone got jealous when you told them something good? Evil Eye. Think of it as going to the store with an extra bag for your groceries. You may not need it, but isn't it handy when you at one point do need it?

Protection magic doesn't have to be elaborate or grand or be convoluted. Protection magic is powerful but also extremely simple. All you need is a horseshoe above the door, a little talisman in your pocket, a sigil for your car, etc.

So don't dismiss the importance of protection magic. It may help to improve your spellwork and your energy.

[necromancy-101]

How about violently ragdolled by a dozen corpses?

Breaking news!

If you're a gimmick, you're getting contained!

@real-british-empire @same-pic-of-rickroll-everyday @putting-stanley-in-places @firefox-unofficial @realsafari @the-real-list-of-ominous-threats @the-gimmick-fbi and all other gimmicks too

[necromancy-101]

I like the way you think! You could also preemptively give your clones phylacteries for your soul to inhabit so that it becomes even more convoluted to kill you! (Granted, you may or may not need to sacrifice more souls to the phylacteries in an exponential manner just so that you can keep them all active, but hey, this is all theoretical, and I’m not sure if anyone’s actually done this before)

Why would anyone go to the trouble of becoming a lich when vampirism is right there?

-Aspirant Undead

Vampirism lets you look sexier, but being a lich doesn’t give you all those caveats. Both have their ups, both have their downs. My preferred avenue of immortality (the way I practice) is to just clone yourself and have my soul find its way into all of the empty clones I keep in my basement.

If you do choose to become a vampire, by the way- pay attention to the smell of blood. From the experiments I’ve conducted, the smell of a person’s blood (at least from a vampire’s perspective) can tip you off if they have an STD, which you don’t want to slurp up. You can still catch diseases as a vampire. (Don’t ask how I know).

Happy drinking!

[necromancy-101]

Why would anyone go to the trouble of becoming a lich when vampirism is right there?

-Aspirant Undead

Vampirism lets you look sexier, but being a lich doesn’t give you all those caveats. Both have their ups, both have their downs. My preferred avenue of immortality (the way I practice) is to just clone yourself and have my soul find its way into all of the empty clones I keep in my basement.

If you do choose to become a vampire, by the way- pay attention to the smell of blood. From the experiments I’ve conducted, the smell of a person’s blood (at least from a vampire’s perspective) can tip you off if they have an STD, which you don’t want to slurp up. You can still catch diseases as a vampire. (Don’t ask how I know).

Happy drinking!

[necromancy-101]

You’ve actually been inside an existential horror simulation illusion for the past three years.

[necromancy-101]

If I ever get an apprentice, I will kill and revive them every day. Not out of callousness- no, you need to seep that understanding of death into the very fibre of their being so that they can be better necromancers and NOT fuck up when it matters.

[necromancy-101]

Don’t fuck with cursed items unless you’re prepared for the consequences.

Alternatively, use them to amass an even greater army

Two stabbings, a beheading, and a funeral

Comic dub and audio work by me, original comic by @tredlocity

[necromancy-101]

This is what I do to pass the time, to be fair.