neralys-blog

[neralys-blog]

Talking to myself

I do not think everyone understands how complex a mental illness can be. How there can be days that I feel absolutely horrible and not have the energy to get up. There have been times I spent literal days in bed and did not get up. Then there are days where you feel fine and that you made up the whole “too drained to get up” situation. I try to convince myself that I am completely fine and my inner battle was just a fluke. Until another episode comes back and I cannot get myself to eat anything at all again. The thing is that when the part of my brain that tortures me finally goes quiet... I can see that I need help. I just do not necessarily want it. I have become so comfortable with this endless cycle that I do not what life is like without it. That can be scary and I do not know where to begin or if I can even recover.  

[neralys-blog]

Annoyingly stressful

I am a pretty patient person. It takes a lot to push me over the edge. There are only two people in this world that can literally say any three words that will irritate me in any way. My parents. There is so much stress and tension within our parent-child relationship that drives me insane. I cannot stand listening to them. I just hate being around them. I sound like a brat but no one understands the toxicity some parents pour into their children’s lives. It is so... I don’t know, unbearable, I guess. When I try to explain it to others all they say is “but their your parents...” I don’t if that is supposed to magically make the situation okay or what but it does not help.

[neralys-blog]

Falling out

I did not think you could ever fall out of love the same way you fall for it. I did not think that I could care so much about a person and have those romantic feelings begin to fade. I guess they were right. You love them less after having to forgive them so many times while they love you more each time. Here we are and I’m done while they are merely just beginning to love me the way I loved them. 

[neralys-blog]

The D’amelio show- thoughts

I just watched the first episode of the D’amelio show on HULU- due to intense boredom. I really debated whether I should or not but I did it anyway. I am a little confused on how I feel about these teenage Tik Tok stars and their come up into a “celebrity status.” Some part of me thinks about how they possibly deserve all this and the other part of me remember that it’s not like they chose to blow up on our FYP. The girls seem sweet and seeing them struggle with mental illness like the rest us really made me feel for them. The internet has not always been kind to them and I think a lot of people ignore that.

[neralys-blog]

Intro

I’m looking for a way to keep me busy and away from my regular life. I just remembered I had a tumblr account so why not teach myself to use it again.