nerissavenus

[nerissavenus]

lily evans potter: womanhood, motherhood & morality

lily as the dream girl in canon and fan spaces

i want to talk about this while there isn't a current upsurge in the discourse

Lily Evans Potter is introduced to us as Lily Potter, the dead mother of Harry Potter. Lily and James potter, dead, leaving their poor, miraculous son to live with the dull, horrible Durselys. We only ever see her through, with the exception of her sister, the memory of men.

I've said before that I believe James and Lily are the ideal masculine and ideal feminine, both to Harry and in a metatextual way. parents are our introduction into gender roles, the "correct" way to be a man and woman. since Lily is dead she cannot disappoint Harry. she can be imagined as the perfect woman, which is, of course, a wife and mother. the dream girl!

Lily's death makes her a silent, ever-loving, beautiful young mother, for both Harry and the reader. James is slightly deconstructed in SWM, but Lily is not. She is a fierce protector, brave, clever, and only emotional (angry) once James, her future husband, provokes her enough.

in the text Lily is not truly presented as flawed in a meaningful way. the moral choices she makes: to build a relationship with Severus, to defend Severus, to break their relationship when he refuses to reject bigotry, to join the Order, to die for her child, are all the correct moral choices. these are the choices the narrative is telling us to respect.

women have, for the past 200 years or so, been conceived of as the moral center of the family.* Lily Evans Potter is the moral center of the series. her choice to die is mirrored by the main character, Harry, and sparks the beginning of victory. Harry's sacrifice is enabled by another mother, Narcissa, making the correct moral choice because the power of her maternal love urges her to this choice. finally, Voldemort's most powerful follower, Bellatrix, is killed by a housewife and mother, Molly, in a maternal rage at the idea of her daughter being murdered.

Lily's sacrifice and the emotions behind it are mirrored multiple times in the final battle because it and she are the moral center of the series.

that Harry is frequently told he has his mother's eyes, and that Dumbledore points out how his essential nature mirrors his mother's, further highlights Lily's character and her choices as implicitly good.

women, especially mothers, as our moral authorities, is an unconscious cultural belief we can see play out in the fandom and subfandoms that Lily is discussed in. we can all recall the characterization of Lily as the goody-two shoes that James has to change for, the characterization of Lily as "not like other girls", the BAMF characterization, the current near mommy dom to James characterization.

the characterization of Lily changes with our view of the best kind of woman. but she is, always, demonstrating a most "correct" way to be. maybe it's 2007 and she's telling James off—not fun, but right. or it's 2012 and she's not preoccupied with boys like her classmates. or it's 2019 and she always knows the right thing to say to Remus when he's down on himself. or it's 2025 and James is trailing after her like a puppy while she contemplates what size strap to use on him after she beats up a bigot.

We don't see a lot of moderate views on Lily. Above, I've discussed how Lily lovers tend to portray her. Lily haters, a smaller group from what I can tell, do not utilize these common fanon characterizations. They disparage her as an immoral, selfish, bad woman. The wholesale rejection of Lily as the moral center based on her perceived immorality is the other side of the coin.

I'll refer to people with this perspective as "Lily haters" though I am aware there are people who dislike her outside of the topics I'm discussing.

I rarely engage with Lily haters, though I am aware of their arguments that Lily was a bad friend to Severus, a social climber, a gold digger, or boring. All grave sins for the woman who's supposed to save everyone.

This perspective doesn't reject Lily as the moral center or the perfect woman, it is an argument that she's not fulfilling her role correctly. Her unwillingness to give Severus more chances is selfish, stuck-up, classist. Her desire for James is an further betrayal of Severus.

She's supposed to be the Madonna, why is she being a whore?

I believe Lily hate comes from a belief she failed at being the perfect woman/mother, and therefore she is worthless. A bitch. Weak willed. Oversexed. even by haters her role as the moral center is not questioned.

in both the og text and in the fandom supertext Lily is the moral center because of her role as mother. her status as the moral center is inextricably tied to her motherhood. since Lily being a mother is the point of her character, divorcing her from her motherhood often changes the foundation of her character.**

when her literal motherhood is removed from a depiction of her character, her metaphorical status as the perfect woman/mother is often still intact. this is seen in the characterizations I described earlier, and, I argue, in the belief that she's too good for James when it is used as a "justification" for shipping James with someone else.*** thereby, she is further purified, not even having been touched by a man. she's put on a pedestal, where she can't be touched, and is rarely noticed.

it is also frequently seen when she is written as a side character in a relationship with James, and the pair become the dual moral guides for the main couple.

this reflects James and Lily as the ideal masculine and feminine, as they are a perfectly harmonious couple when a side pairing. their implicit canonical roles are subconsciously reflected in fanon with little critique or commentary on the canon text.

Lily's entire character is crafted to be The Perfect Mother™️. whether she is literally a mother in her fanon depiction or not, she is still The Perfect Woman™️—and is still affected by the biases our culture has towards women and mothers.

thus, Lily is the dream girl in the text, the moral center only seen through a nostalgic veil, and a dream girl in fan spaces, as the moral guide for the men in her life who pegs her husband or is too pure for the touch of a man.

for more on gender in the wizarding world, based on gender in early modern england (pre the cult of domesticity) see this post

*see the cult of domesticity if you'd rather not read the article

**please like fucking do not fucking act like I'm saying you cannot do this. I swear to fucking god

***you don't need to justify your ships

[nerissavenus]

Early morning run - NerissaVenus

Usually, you go on your morning runs alone, your husband complaining it's too early. Today, however, he joins you.

Enjoy,

Nerissa x

It was late, only the light from outside peeking through the curtains, creating light. The air was cool, a slight breeze coming from the open window, causing you to pull your cardigan tighter around you.

The air smelt of cigarettes, your perfume, and sex — your favourite scent in the apartment you shared with your husband.

You smiled softly at the scene in front of you. In your bed, covers bunched up, was your husband, sleeping, hugging your pillow.

Quietly, you got up to use the toilet. Drying your hands, you fluffed your hair around, trying to get it to sit in the way you wanted, but, of course, your hair was stubborn and refused until you eventually chucked it up in a ponytail.

Popping out your retainers, you reached for your purple toothbrush next to Adam’s blue one. It made you smile; it's a simple thing, but intimate.

Spitting the mouthwash out, you went out and rummaged for your workout gear, trying to be quiet so that your husband doesn’t wake up, mindful of the early hour.

Unfortunately, you weren’t as quiet as you wished; when you were slipping on your running trainers, a large arm wrapped around you and a long kiss was placed on your temple.

“Hello,” said Adam, groggy from just waking up.

“Hello,” you said back, grinning to yourself at his appearance. His hair was messy, at odd angles, and his eyes were barely open from sleep. “Sleep well?”

“Quite,” he replied, jumping out of bed, and slipping slightly on the pile of clothes lying on the floor. You desperately tried to stifle a laugh. He glanced back at you, more aware, and narrowed his eyes, “Not a word.”

You raised your hands in defence, “I wasn’t going to say anything.”

He humphed, clearly not believing you.

You watched as he turned the light to the en-suite on, closing his eyes and cursing from its brightness. He then brushed his teeth and too searched for his clothes.

“What are you doing?” You asked curiously, having been watching him the whole time. Adam didn’t usually get up early when he wasn’t working.

He shrugged his jumper on, walked towards you, bent down and kissed you softly, a goofy smile showing his dimples. “What does it look like? I’m going to go on a run with you.”

Without even meaning to, you laughed loudly. “Really?” You asked, excited, “Even though it’s ridiculously early?” Something he had complained about many, many times.

“Yes,” he rolled his eyes, “Even though it is ridiculously early.”

You pecked him on the lips, which soon turned into a full make out session. You hummed and pulled away, your hands on his chest. “No,” you shook your head, “When we come back, however...” you gave him a meaningful, suggestive look.

He smirked and eagerly sped down the hall, to the door, waiting for you.

You followed after him, thoroughly amused, “Slow down, boy. I need to take my greens first.”

Adam huffed impatiently, tapping his foot on the wooden floor whilst waiting for you to finish making and drinking your greens. Because of this, you took extra long, to make him wait. It was fun.

He stared at you suspiciously, tracking your every move as you put the powder in your cup, filled it with water, looked at it, added more and did it again, then brought out your whisk, holding the button for a minute… and longer. “You’re doing this on purpose.”

You glanced at him, feigning confusion, “Doing what on purpose?” You questioned, a small smirk begging to make an appearance.

“Whatever,” he mumbled, turning away to now stare at the door. You shook your head, turned off the whisk and downed the drink - he’d waited long enough.

“Come on then,” you said, walking past him and opening the door, holding it open for him, “Let’s go, let’s run!”

He wiggled his eyebrows when he past you, reminding you of what’s to come when you return.

Rolling your eyes, you smiled at his dorkiness, locking the door and popping the keys in your pocket.

You both raced each other down the stairs, and, of course, you won; though you knew he let you — no one with that amount of leg could lose to you, who in compassion, had basically nothing.

Either way, you still celebrated your victory, jumping up and down, pointing in his face, repeating “I win, I win”.

He watched you fondly, chuckling at your banter. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and brought you closer to him, “Let’s run so that we get home faster, and do some...” he gave you a hungry look, “activities.”

You looked up at him, eyebrows raised, "Alright," then you shoved his arm off you and ran away from him, starting your run.

"Hey!" he called, caught off guard, "That's not fair!"

"Nothing is, baby!" you shouted over your shoulder, continuing your pace.

Eventually, Adam caught up to you, which wasn't very hard.

You were very excited for when you got back home.

[nerissavenus]

All you need is love - NerissaVenus

An intimate, quiet night with your husband who reads you Shakespeare

Enjoy,

Nerissa x

“All you need is love, love…” rang through the apartment quietly, blending in with the calm atmosphere.

You rolled over and watched him, your honey skin glowing in the candle lit room. You reached up and trailed your hand around his eyes, nose, and lips, slowly tracing his every curve, wanting to cement him into your memory, never to forget the reason you breathe and live.

“Love is all you need,” you sang softly, thinking the lyrics to be the truest words ever spoken in this sacred moment.

Slowly, Totos’ eyes opened, long lashes surrounding his dark, bottomless brown eyes. He smiled at you sleepily, wrinkles forming around his eyes and nose.

“That’s creepy, you know.” He said, voice rough from sleep.

“Yeah? Can’t I just appreciate the godly presence in my bed?” You jokingly whispered to him, placing a delicate kiss on his nose, liking the way he made a sound of pleasure.

He hummed, gazing up at you with awe in his eyes, unable to comprehend how he was with someone as perfect as you. The way your smile was like catching a butterfly, the way your eyes shone like a million firefly’s, the way your laugh tinkled and filled him with instant warmth. You were more than he was worthy.

You laughed at his lack of answer and strange stare, shoving his broad shoulder playfully. You got up and chucked on his too-big-t-shirt than reached just above your knee.

He called out for you when you left the room and you shook your head, turning to look over your shoulder and give him a cheeky grin.

The kitchen was full of warm light from the lamp in open-plan living space and you smiled happily at the cozy vibe it brought.

Opening the mini wine cooler, you grabbed a bottle of Merlot and filled the two wine glasses generously. You hummed in satisfaction as you took a sip.

Putting the bottle back in the wine cooler, you gripped both glasses and made your way back to Toto and yours room.

Walking into the bedroom, you found him with his glasses on (which you found unbelievably sexy), reading your current play of choice ‘The Merchant of Venice’ by William Shakespeare. You loved when people you love take interest in your small pleasures.

“Like it?” You questioned, placing down your glasses on the bedside table and shuffling into bed, eager to know what he thought.

He glanced up at you, glasses at the top of his nose. He smiled, pulling back the covers for you to get in beside him, “Well, from only the first two pages,” you giggled at his honesty, realising you’d only been gone a few moments, thus not enough time to properly delve into the play, “it seems quite interesting.” He placed his arm around you, pulling you closer, and you buried yourself into his side.

You looked up at him from your position, “I’m glad,” you said, happy that he liked your favourite play so far.

Turning quickly to pick up your glass of wine, you allowed him a sip and once again settled yourself in his arms.

He pushed up his glasses and started reading page three, “I would have staid till I had made you merry…”

You closed your eyes in contempt, listening to his accented voice carry the story, which you so loved. You could happily spend forever in his arms, hearing him read to you.

All you need is love, you thought, is very true.

[nerissavenus]

Lilies by NerissaVenus

Toto has a heartfelt talk with his daughter about her mother and how much she loved her.

Never would he forget such a magnificent woman.

Enjoy,

Nerissa x

The sound of a clatter startled Toto from his sleep. He got up quickly, throwing on his housecoat and rushing out his bedroom into the dark hallway.

His heart raced as he thought of the possibility of an intruder in his house - his house that housed both him and his daughter.

Stopping just before he reached the kitchen, he grabbed the vase of fresh lilies off the table. Taking a deep breath he crept into the dimly lit kitchen, raising the vase only to stop suddenly at the sight of his daughter on the floor trying to quickly clean up the cereal that was everywhere.

Singing in relief, he placed the vase on the counter and bent down to help his daughter. “Lily,” he spoke, causing her to look up at him with familiar green eyes that never failed to drive a stake through his heart. “What are you doing, Kleine Blume?”

She quickly stood up, all the cereal back in the bowl. “Getting cereal, Papa.”

He rose from the floor, taking the bowl and placing it on the counter. “Yes, I can see that, but why?” He placed her on one of the stools, checking her over to make sure she had no injuries, “why didn’t you come to me and ask for me to get you something?”

Lily blushed and looked down, refusing to make eye contact.

“Come on, Kleine Blume, tell me, it’s okay. I promise.” Reassured Toto, raking his hands through her dark hair.

“I can’t tell you,” she whispered, playing with her fingers.

“You can. You can tell me anything. I want be mad.”

As soon as she looked up, meeting his eyes, her own filled with tears and she broke; a flood incoming. “I’m sorry, Papa. I’m horrible — so horrible.”

“No,no, Kleine Blume. You could never do anything wrong.” Said Toto, bringing her into his arms, pressing a kiss on the crown of her head.

“I just didn’t want to bother you,” Lily said, muffled from her place in his arms.

Toto moved backwards and cradled her head in his hands and spoke very seriously, “You, my darling girl, could never bother me.”

“But,” she started helplessly, “You already do so much — all on your own.”

Suddenly something within Toto clicked and he sighed sadly, gathering his daughter in his arms and moving to the lounge to sit comfortably on the couch together.

“Lily,” he said, staring at her - his little girl, the only thing he had left of you. “I don’t do anything on my own. Your Mama is here,” he placed one hand over her heart and the other on his, “We are never alone. She is always here and she would hate for you to think any differently.”

“Yeah, but it’s my fault.” Sobbed Lily, burying her face into her hands, years of unnecessary guilt coming out.

“No.” He said firmly, taking her hands in his and wiping her tears, “There’s was no way of knowing that there would be complications. Your mother brought you into this world fighting and you want to know what she said to me?” Lily nodded with curious eyes, “she said ‘Our daughter will be the most important treasure you’ll ever have, Torger. No matter what happens, let her know that I love her — love her more than anything in this world - this universe.’ She knew if it came down to you or her, she would choose you every time. And do you know why?” She shook her head in a daze at hearing about how much her mother loved her, “Because you are worth more than the stars in the sky. To us, Kleine Blume, you are priceless.”

He sat with her in his arms for a couple of minutes before making his decision. “One minute.”

He rummaged around his office for the familiar orange box and once he found it, he made his way back down stairs.

Sitting back down, he opened the box carefully and picked up a sealed letter in the green envelope.

“This,” he said, placing the envelope in Lily’s hands, “is a letter from your mother. She made thirty in case anything happens — that’s how much she loved you. She was so… afraid that you would never know her or worse: hate her.”

“Hate her?!” Yelled Lily in surprise, “I could never — she’s my Mama.”

Toto chuckled lightly, remembering his wife - you - fondly, and tucked a stray curl behind Lily’s ear, “Yes, your Mama was quite an over thinker.” He gave her a pointed look and she flushed at the idea of having something in common with the woman she loved but never met.

“You are so like her.” He said, pain lacing his tone, eyes full of love and heartbreak, “You have her eyes that shined and made everyone instantly fall in love with her. You also have her smile that could charm anyone. And not just that, you have her kindness; she could see the best in people, even when they themselves could not.” He stared at his daughter with a melancholy smile, reminiscing the memory of you, “You’re much more alike than you think.”

It was silent for a while until Lily had the courage to speak, “I wish I could have met her.”

“Me too, Kleine Blume, me too, she was… wonderful, brilliant, everything good wrapped up into one.” There weren’t enough words to describe you, you were something beyond comprehension — you were too bright for something as frivolous as words. “She picked your name, though it was a no brainer.”

Lily smiled brightly, “Yeah, you’ve said before. Her favourite flowers were lilies.” Some would say it’s cliche, but to Lily it meant the world to know that something her mother held close to her heart and loved was given to her — a token of her love.

“You’ll always have her with you, Lily. She’d want you to know how much you’re loved.” Choked Toto, the thoughts of his wife louder than ever, looking at her spitting image.

“Thanks Papa.” She said, leaning in to give him a big hug.

“Of course, my lily-flower.”

[nerissavenus]

Sunny mornings - NerissaVenus

You wake up next to your husband, Toto, and wake your daughter for a fun day ahead.

Enjoy,

Nerissa x

“Toto,” you called out quietly, nudging his shoulder with a small smile, soaking up the quiet, sunny morning.

In response, Toto groaned and shuffled slightly, but still didn’t wake.

You huffed, a small smile still of your face, full of fondness. “Come on, Wolffy.” He grinned, clearly hearing your nickname for him. “We need to get up, it’s a lovely day.”

Finally, he awoke, shifting into a sitting position, back against the headboard. He rubbed his face with his large hands, wedding band glittering due to the shining sun flittering through the sheer white curtains.

He feigned annoyance, but the badly concealed smile giving away his true emotion. “Must we get up, mein glitzernder Engel?”

You gave him a pearly grin, dimples and all. “Yes, we must,” you rolled your eyes jokingly, moving towards him to plant a soft kiss on his lips, “We have plans, and Lily won’t forgive us for abandoning them.”

At the mention of their daughter, his face relaxed, something tender and loving entering his eyes. “No, she wouldn’t would he?” He laughed, throwing off the duvet, waking to their bathroom, giving you a nice, full view of his perky ass.

Wrapping the covers around your body you walked past him, slapping his ass, laughing as he squawked.

You picked out some linen trousers with a cream coloured blouse, putting them on and fixing your hair to be presentable.

You walked out your bedroom and trudged down the hall, stopping at the door decorated with purple butterflies.

You opened the door and walked in, smiling softly at the sight of your daughter sprawled across her bed, lips open, quietly snoring — such like her father, you thought fondly.

Kneeling down, you shook her awake lightly, “Lily, time to get up, sweetheart.”

Unlike her father, however, Lily shot up, that smile only a child can achieve on her face. Her brown-honey eyes gazed at you, her mother, the most beautiful person to her and squealed, “Mama!” Her little hands found their way around you and you chuckled, planting a kiss on her forehead, standing up and she wrapped her tiny legs around your waist.

After changing her, you walked down the stairs with her still attached to you, playfully shaking her, causing her to screeched happily while shouting out ‘Mama’.

The two of you entered the kitchen to the sight of Toto cooking breakfast whilst dancing to the music playing.

Sharing a secret smile with Lily, you crept behind Toto and you both wrapped your arms around him; Lily then wrapping her legs around his back.

He chuckled and placed his hands behind her legs to keep her in place, kissed you, and ran around the kitchen with her.

You watched fondly, picking up from where Toto left off with the cooking; the laughter of your daughter and husband ringing through the room.

Once done, you platted everyone’s plates and called them both to the table.

As you were all eating, Toto stroked your face, holding his hand to your cheek. You looked at him through your lashes, softly gazing at him, “I love you,” you said, meaning it so profoundly that the three words felt inadequate.

“Not as much as I love you,” he responded, staring into your eyes for a few more moments before turning back to his breakfast, speaking to Lily about her newest interests.

You watched and felt fulfilled and happy. You couldn’t ask for a better family.